HISTORY IS NOW FIXED  4:31 pm September 27, 2011

Rick Perry Makes Up Convenient Story of Teabagger Persecution (VIDEO)

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Rick Perry put on his best mom shirt and sweat all over the stage as he performed in a severe, drooling twang the Tea Party’s most cherished political tradition, the factually false re-telling of historical events. Here he is making up things about the original Boston Tea Party, telling everybody that “there was a time in this country when people were afraid to go out in public. You go back to Boston in the 1770s and people had to disguise themselves,” which is not, of course, actually the case. Our money’s on “Rick Perry conveniently confused Tea Party mythology with the popular narrative of persecution suffered by early Christians for political gain,” but that’s as much as we’re going to think about it. What does someone else have to say?

Oh good, Matt Yglesias explains:

Contrary to Perry’s assertion, nobody was “afraid to walk around in public” in colonial Boston out of “fear that they’d be persecuted” for objecting to high taxes. What actually happened was that “disguised men and others then went on board the tea-ships moored at Griffin’s Wharf, and in the course of three hours they emptied three hundred and forty-two chests of tea into the water of the harbor.” Apparently not all the tea partiers actually did wear disguises at all, but clearly the point of wearing disguises wasn’t generalized fear of public expression of dissent but specific fear that acts of vandalism were illegal. For all that’s changed in the subsequent 230 years, this aspect of American life is basically the same. People who want to protest peacefully do so freely, people who want to destroy other people’s property are more likely to wear masks.

[YouTube/Matt Yglesias]

 

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{ 399 comments }

EatsBabyDingos September 27, 2011 at 4:36 pm

In Texas, they wear plastic bags to hide in public. "Douchebaggers" we call them.

KenLayIsAlive September 27, 2011 at 7:43 pm

I would give anything for that bunch to put plastic bags over their heads for… well, as long as it takes.

salt_bagel September 27, 2011 at 9:44 pm

With the expansion of insults that specify other parts of the douche, such as "douchenozzle", I have taken to simply using the term "douchepiece".

tessiee September 27, 2011 at 10:28 pm

"In Texas, they wear plastic bags to hide in public. "

Also to replace the glass in the broken window of their truck.

teebob2000 September 28, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Clear plastic bags.

Crank_Tango September 27, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Oddly enough, Marcus B. likes to wear a feathered mardi gras mask when he goes out teabagging. Someone should tell him it's unnecessary, and tickles.

yrbmegr September 27, 2011 at 5:18 pm

And it gets in the way of the enjoyable experience.

neiltheblaze September 27, 2011 at 7:06 pm

But Marcus LOVES it when it tickles.

PalinzADummy September 27, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Most of us ain't gettin' close enough to Marcus to care, hon. You got something you wanna share with the class?

Buckminster September 28, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Marcus makes Michele wear the mask. That's why her eyes are all buggy.

Bonzos_Bed_Time September 27, 2011 at 4:37 pm

So the take away is Palin, Perry and Bachmann all enrolled in the same history course at the Ronald Reagan College of Bob Jones University.

iburl September 27, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Worse, he's an Aggie.

NewtsChicknNeck September 27, 2011 at 6:41 pm

and a C- aggie at that.

Negropolis September 27, 2011 at 11:09 pm

Which is, like, worse than an F at a regular school, right?

BerkeleyBear September 27, 2011 at 11:38 pm

It is sort of hard to tell, but generally yes.

Hard to tell only in the sense that from the Aggies I've met, a C student might be the damn valedictorian. Even if someone was capable of As, they'd be shunned by the student body as a damned elitist.

Terry September 28, 2011 at 7:59 am

The Aggies have a similar problem to that at Duke or UVa. You have two different universes existing on the same campus. In one universe, you have really good programs. In the TAMU case, it's in areas such as engineering and agriculture. The other universe, however, is populated with the spoiled offspring of wealthy people and legacy admissions. Heck, you can say that about the Ivies, as well. George W Bush on the Yale campus. There were good, challenging programs at Yale in those years, but Georgie wasn't in them. He was riding the legacy/money train. Same thing at A&M.

I actually went to grad school at A&M. The thing that most embarasses me about that school, other than the horses asses who walk around campus in pink jodpuhrs and carry swords, is that some weathy graduates (called former students there, not alumni) objected to the journalism department on the grounds that it breeds liberals, so the University dissolved the department. I'm not kidding. There are some individual great profs there and strong programs, but overall the place is a frickin cesspool.

Terry September 28, 2011 at 7:52 am

I think that Palin, Perry, and Bachmann would have been too crazy for the Gipper, too. I was against pretty much everything he did, but he was a lot more pragmatic than this bunch.

Captain_Quark September 27, 2011 at 4:37 pm

There was a time in this country when adults wandered about in costumes, pretending to be something they weren't and yelping loudly about all manner of things. Some were Teabaggers, others were furries, and none of them were ashamed to be making fools of themselves.

yrbmegr September 27, 2011 at 5:19 pm

I suspect in about a month, we'll see a historical re-enactment of such behavior.

GunToting[Redacted] September 27, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Samhain libel!!11!1!

horsedreamer_1 September 27, 2011 at 11:26 pm

Mother!

PalinzADummy September 27, 2011 at 7:40 pm

Wait till next year. It'll be unbearable by next September.

Angry_Marmot September 27, 2011 at 7:57 pm

Yiff libel!

hagajim September 28, 2011 at 10:11 am

That's what I like about Halloween, all the chicks get whorey!!! YAY!

Buckminster September 28, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Some of us are just drunks trying to have a good time….

SexySmurf September 27, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Needz moar Paul Revere's Bell!

fuflans September 27, 2011 at 5:08 pm

personally i think they were probably scared of paul revere careening all over ringin that bell for freedom.

flamingpdog September 27, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Really, here these guys were trying to sneak onto this ship at night to dump tea into the harbor without getting caught, and Paul Revere was riding around waking up everybody in town ringing his damn bell!

Lascauxcaveman September 27, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Warnin' the British they wouldn't be takin' our guns!

Negropolis September 27, 2011 at 11:11 pm

Not only that, he was shootin' those warnin' shots. How counterproductive of him; how very rude!

V572 Moon! September 28, 2011 at 5:39 am

I'm not much of a gun guy, but it seems it would be pretty difficult to reload a flintlock pistol while riding horseback at night, while also ringin' those bells and holdin that lantern. Of course in addition to being a silversmith Revere was a patriot, so he probably had 15 or 20 pistols, all loaded and cocked, hanging on his belt, as was the custom at that time.

Angry_Marmot September 27, 2011 at 7:58 pm

I hear they tinkle when he walks.

HogeyeGrex September 28, 2011 at 3:08 am

Or Paul Revere's baby's-arm-holding-an-apple.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 28, 2011 at 4:01 am

Ooh … a chemistry joke!

SayItWithWookies September 27, 2011 at 4:38 pm

And that's why white Southerners had to wear sheets over their heads to keep from being oppressed by the newly-freed slaves.

snoopyfan2010 September 27, 2011 at 8:04 pm

But now after 200 years of oppression they can show their true colors (or lack thereof). I'm so proud to be an American.

Negropolis September 27, 2011 at 11:13 pm

In fact, they were so persectuted they had to hold their church services at night, and the only way to see anyone was to burn a cross for illumination.

user-of-owls September 28, 2011 at 12:52 am

136 and counting.

You can't touch this.

memzilla September 27, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Funny that Gov. Goodhair brings up the "people had to disguise themselves" riff: the NYPD reached back to an 1845 New York City law, which prohibited wearing masks on the street, to arrest demonstrators at the War on Wall Street demonstrations.

charlesdegoal September 27, 2011 at 4:56 pm

I always wear a mask. Doesn't everybody?

Spurning Beer September 27, 2011 at 7:54 pm

According to Erving Goffman, yes.

Doktor Zoom September 27, 2011 at 10:25 pm

There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet…

tessiee September 27, 2011 at 10:35 pm

We wear the mask that grins and lies,
That shades our cheeks and hides our eyes,
But let the let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 27, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Perry is clearly a secret socialist.

Spurning Beer September 27, 2011 at 7:55 pm

Erving Goffman was a secret sociologist. Well, maybe not secret. He just presented himself that way.

user-of-owls September 28, 2011 at 12:43 am

If you love Erving Goffman so much why haven't you used his name in any of the "You know who else…" posts, hmm?

Spurning Beer September 28, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Uh, Ming the Merciless?

flamingpdog September 27, 2011 at 5:16 pm

I hope poor Riley doesn't get arrested because the cops think he's wearing a mask.

SorosBot September 27, 2011 at 5:21 pm

What do they arrest people every Halloween?

Naked_Bunny September 27, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Just the ones dressed as liberals.

Doktor Zoom September 27, 2011 at 6:43 pm

I tell ya, it's not easy going around looking like Guy Fawkes.

comrad_darkness September 27, 2011 at 10:17 pm

If I wear a mask that is actually an accurate representation of my own face, can I go to jail for that?

Emily Spankhurst September 27, 2011 at 11:33 pm

I'm pretty sure that law follows something like Federal law of the day. Even twenty/thirty years after the Haitian Revolution they was afeared teh blacks would kill everyone in they beds.

V572 Moon! September 28, 2011 at 5:42 am

What? There were demonstrators on Wall Street? Haven't read about it in the papers or heard about it on NPR.

Tommmcattt September 27, 2011 at 4:38 pm

…And they always leave out this little point: The original tea-party was protesting because they couldn't sell tea without a stamp on it from the crown- only the authorized royal suppliers could buy the stamp to put on their barrels.

In short, the original tea party was protesting so that they could be taxed

flamingpdog September 27, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Colonists doing battle against the world's largest corporation at the time, the East India Company, which incidentally was in bed financially with King George and many if not most members of Parliament.
Think we could ever convince today's Tea Partiers to do the same thing?

Doktor Zoom September 27, 2011 at 6:45 pm

Judging by Craigslist during CPAC, some of them are definitely interested in getting into a king-sized bed with George, or Rick, or what-have-you.

NewtsChicknNeck September 27, 2011 at 6:46 pm

it depends. would the east india co.'s taxes be raised at all? and if so, would those tax proceeds be used to educate the children of the teabaggers?

because if the answers to either of those questions is "yes," then hell no, teabaggers would never abide to see taxes raised on any person–even if that "person" is really just a stack of papers filed in some government bureaucrat's office.

Jukesgrrl September 27, 2011 at 7:00 pm

Oh you liberal elitists and your historical FACTS. Amurica prefers its tales to be spun.

neiltheblaze September 27, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Next they'll tell us that George Washington *didn't* chop down a cherry tree.

BaldarTFlagass September 27, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Did he talk about back when there were bumblebees on nickles? That's my favorite story.

CZL September 27, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Give me five bees to a quarter!

AlterNewt September 27, 2011 at 6:21 pm

"…which was the style at the time…"

tessiee September 27, 2011 at 10:38 pm

You couldn't get white onions, because of the war. All you could get was those big yellow ones.

Barb September 27, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Look at all those people in firefighter costumes in your state Rick. They are helping the real people who are afraid to go outside, your fellow Texans.

neiltheblaze September 27, 2011 at 7:17 pm

Now Barb – you wouldn't be asking him to govern, would you? He's a busy man – becoming a national laughingstock is full time work!

PalinzADummy September 27, 2011 at 7:48 pm

And he certainly applies himself, doesn't he?

JustPixelz September 27, 2011 at 8:25 pm

Full time work, but, like all pros, he makes it look easy.

emmelemm September 27, 2011 at 4:39 pm

There that Matt Yglesias goes, applying actual historical fact, along with logic and reasoned analysis. That'll never do!

Scottsdalian September 27, 2011 at 9:23 pm

Fuckin liberal.

Sue4466 September 27, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Nothing a little wikipedia repair can't take care of. No worries Ricky.

SayItWithWookies September 27, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Rick's base is discriminated against at Wikipedia — they can never get past the spell checker.

poncho_pilot September 27, 2011 at 5:10 pm

spell checker? i thought that was supposed to keep out Christine O'Donnell.

PalinzADummy September 27, 2011 at 7:49 pm

A-HEM!

prommie September 27, 2011 at 4:40 pm

I wonder if I could get some teabagger role-play sex if I wore a tri-corn hat to a 'bagger rally? Hopefully with something like that O'Donnel chick, god, not the old Hoverround ladies.

Limeylizzie September 27, 2011 at 4:43 pm

What if I were on a Hoverround topless?

prommie September 27, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Stop, you're making me moist.

jus_wonderin September 27, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Is that safe?

Limeylizzie September 27, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Not at all.

PalinzADummy September 27, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Not for anyone between Lizzie and me!

BaldarTFlagass September 27, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Hopefully you will do a little "off-roading," for the bumps and jiggles.

Limeylizzie September 27, 2011 at 4:52 pm

And the black-eyes that would surely ensue.

prommie September 27, 2011 at 4:53 pm

fapfapfap

Beowoof September 27, 2011 at 6:41 pm

Can we get this event scheduled?

Limeylizzie September 27, 2011 at 6:48 pm

Only if all the Male Wonketteers will attend wearing only tri-cornered hats.

Beowoof September 27, 2011 at 7:09 pm

I am mugging a tea bagger to get mine.

PalinzADummy September 27, 2011 at 7:46 pm

And a smile.

flamingpdog September 27, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Damn, why didn't I think of wearing a tricorn hat when I went to check out Xine O'Donnell at her Barnes & Noble book signing??

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 27, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Christine will demand that you have a bell. Well, a bell, book and candle.

LettucePrey September 27, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Wait, Meatloaf is running for president?

SorosBot September 27, 2011 at 4:54 pm

He would do anything for votes, but he won't do that? Wait, I don't think there is anything Perry won't do for votes; he just isn't very competent at his pandering.

smokefilleddoommate September 27, 2011 at 7:48 pm

He'd do anything for votes but monitor the incorrect shit coming out of his own mouth.

Eve8Apples September 27, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Batshit Crazy Out of Hell.

SorosBot September 27, 2011 at 5:24 pm

And he does come from the batshit insane branch of fundamentalist Christianity that is actually literally praying for the end of time to hurry up and arrive.

El Pinche September 27, 2011 at 4:40 pm

As a man ashamed of his own state and Gov. Bozo Barbie, I want a disguise. This guy is dumber than Dubya.

Rotundo_ September 27, 2011 at 7:49 pm

He truly is Dubya lite. If anyone would have told me that there was a more incompetent Tejan waiting in the wings, that would make Dubya look like an intellectual I would have laughed and laughed. Now I shiver in horror that TAMU may just be a hatchery for these maggots and we'll see more of them crowing around like Monty Python's Gumby with a fucking drawl.

Spurning Beer September 27, 2011 at 8:00 pm

Three words: Louie Fucking Gohmert.

Tommmcattt September 27, 2011 at 8:41 pm

HA! The end of the United States as we know it.

PalinzADummy September 27, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Hard to believe, innit? I thought Dubya represented the absolute nadir to which American politicians could fall.

neiltheblaze September 27, 2011 at 9:34 pm

I used to think the same thing about Ronald Regan.

PalinzADummy September 27, 2011 at 9:37 pm

Does this mean they'll just keep getting worse?

trampndirtdown September 27, 2011 at 9:55 pm

Yes.

hagajim September 28, 2011 at 10:13 am

And that takes some hella effort.

grex1949 September 28, 2011 at 1:33 pm

I would add that this asshat stands zero chance of election to the presidency, except that's what I said about W in 1999, so I'm not going to say it. That is all.

BaldarTFlagass September 27, 2011 at 4:41 pm

This guy is barely conscious of the fact that John Wayne wasn't at the Alamo. What the FUCK is he doing talking about the history of a state he barely knows is in the Northeast and a country he wants to secede from? Assclown.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 27, 2011 at 5:12 pm

John Wayne wasn't at the Alamo? But who defended the basement then?

GOPCrusher September 27, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Billy Bob Thorton

GunToting[Redacted] September 27, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Ozzy.

Bonzos_Bed_Time September 27, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Paul-Tards.

kissawookiee September 27, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Jonah Goldberg.

Jukesgrrl September 27, 2011 at 7:03 pm

He defended the basement by filling it?

mumbly_joe September 27, 2011 at 6:22 pm

Hitler!

Gunner Asch September 27, 2011 at 6:38 pm

John Wayne Gacy

PalinzADummy September 27, 2011 at 7:52 pm

The only thing HE defended the basement from was MOAR bodies.

Schmannnity September 27, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Felene

Monsieur_Grumpe September 27, 2011 at 7:38 pm

Pee Wee Herman

flamingpdog September 27, 2011 at 7:41 pm

Pee Wee Herman Cain

PalinzADummy September 27, 2011 at 7:52 pm

Oh, abso-fucking-lutely beautiful. Upfists, pdog!

Negropolis September 27, 2011 at 11:20 pm

Jesus, of course.

And, if that answer doesn't work, how about "All of them, Katie"?

Sue4466 September 27, 2011 at 4:41 pm

The other thing that hasn't changed: people who want to get away will illegal conduct still try to blame it on the browns or reds or otherwise nonwhites.

hagajim September 28, 2011 at 10:13 am

And it often works!

Blueb4sunrise September 27, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Good thing he's not reading from a teleprompter.

NewtsChicknNeck September 27, 2011 at 6:51 pm

No, literacy is necessary for teleprompter reading. thankfully wireless earbud technology is advancing at a rate to make steve jobs blush.

Thurman Munster IV September 27, 2011 at 4:44 pm

There goes facts again with their liberal bias

JustPixelz September 27, 2011 at 8:29 pm

Facts are people, my friend. If only they could vote.

V572 Moon! September 28, 2011 at 6:04 am

Corporations have examined this possibility and rejected it as not being aligned with their interests.

BaldarTFlagass September 27, 2011 at 4:45 pm

I'm going to "disguise" myself as a teabagger this Halloween. BOOOOOO!!!!

fuflans September 27, 2011 at 5:04 pm

i don't know, hooverounds are pretty damned expensive.

oh! duh! the government pays for that!

Jukesgrrl September 27, 2011 at 7:07 pm

I think having one at a party would be a blast. The daily rental fee would be well worth it. Go for it, Balder. Don't forget to tape a racist sign on the back for authenticity.

tessiee September 27, 2011 at 10:45 pm

Don't forget to tape a blatently mispeled racist sign on the back for authenticity.

fixed

Biel_ze_Bubba September 28, 2011 at 4:09 am

And trucknutz. Don't forget the trucknutz.

SorosBot September 27, 2011 at 4:45 pm

There was a time in this country when people were afraid to go out in public, but it was much more recent than 1770, and it was because they were afraid they'd be persecuted if they looked at someone with lighter skin than then in the wrong way; by being lynched; and an even more recent time, in some areas still ongoing, where certain couples were afraid to go out in public, because they also could be persecuted by being beaten simple for being a couple, possibly to death; but the average teabagger didn't really have a problem with either of those situations.

johnnyzhivago September 27, 2011 at 7:36 pm

Until Hovarounds can drive freely into any fast food resturant or WalMart, we shall not be free!!!

PalinzADummy September 27, 2011 at 7:55 pm

No, because it was the average teabagger doing the persecuting and beating and lynching.

OC_Surf_Serf September 27, 2011 at 4:45 pm

c'mon Rick, get your history correct…it's "One, if by lowering taxes, and Two, if by cutting spending".

johnnymeatworth September 27, 2011 at 4:46 pm

This makes almost as much sense as his Bad Lip Reading video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhDhDRvHaGs

PalinzADummy September 27, 2011 at 7:58 pm

That was hilarious. Makes more sense than his speeches, mostly.

dcdistrictdiva September 27, 2011 at 4:46 pm

That's nothing! Watch Limbaugh, Bachmann, Perry, Palin, and a ton of other tea partiers make up stuff about American history and the Constitution: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EiI8T2T1sw&fe… It's funny for awhile and then it just gets sad…

SexySmurf September 27, 2011 at 4:46 pm

I predict in the near future, Michele Obama's anti-obesity campaign will force children, who want candy, to disguise themselves and go door-to-door, in the cover of night, and beg strangers for the illicit sweet treats.

Barb September 27, 2011 at 4:50 pm

"Trick or Trout" for the little dyslexic kiddies.

flamingpdog September 27, 2011 at 5:04 pm

"Track or Trig" for snowbillies.

Spurning Beer September 27, 2011 at 8:03 pm

The dog is hot this evening.

yrbmegr September 27, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Or Chris Christie. Just sayin

bagofmice September 27, 2011 at 11:00 pm

So… Ravers?

HistGuy September 27, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Plus, they were protesting *lower* taxes. They were angry that the tax on tea had gone *down*, which cut into smuggling profits.

Douchebags.

Goonemeritus September 27, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Apparently you can show your face to the nation if you are a 300Lbs Teabagger’s. In fact if you have a third grade grasp of the Constitution you can get on all network and cable news outlets. But don’t try that if you’re a earnest looking intern bringing up the fact that hedge fund managers are compensated thousands of times more than the average American and are paying tax rates half that of a college teacher.

jus_wonderin September 27, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Think: Hour 1: "What is behind the steady decline in health benefits and retirement pensions for American workers? We’ll talk this hour with Wall Street Journal investigative reporter Ellen E. Schultz who has been covering the issue for over a decade. Her new book on the subject is “Retirement Heist: How Companies Plunder and Profit from the Nest Eggs of American Workers” (Portfolio, 2011).

Audio will be available after the show."

Think is available with podcasts at kera.org. Was a great and chilling show. I will never be able to retire.

LettucePrey September 27, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Three wars back we called Sauerkraut "liberty cabbage" and we called liberty cabbage "super slaw" and back then a suitcase was known as a "Swedish lunchbox." Of course, nobody knew that but me. Anyway, "long story short" is a phrase whose origins are complicated and rambling. Now, I'd like to digress from my prepared remarks to discuss how I invented the terlet.

emmelemm September 27, 2011 at 4:58 pm

+1 for originality. That made me laugh, seriously.

LettucePrey September 27, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Not original at all, alas. That's Grampa Abe Simpson.

emmelemm September 27, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Aw, shit, I'm dumb. I always remember the onion on the belt. But I didn't remember the terlet part.

Chichikovovich September 27, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Every one of the Grampa Simpson stories is a gem. Take five to check out his oevres completes:
http://www.simpsoncrazy.com/lists/grampa-stories

GunToting[Redacted] September 27, 2011 at 5:57 pm

I never thought I'd be able to shoot down a German plan. But last year, I proved myself wrong.

tessiee September 27, 2011 at 11:00 pm

Dear Mr. President: there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. PS, I am *not* a crackpot.

Doktor Zoom September 27, 2011 at 11:02 pm

Will and Shortz….two things I'm not allowed to change by myself anymore.

glamourdammerung September 27, 2011 at 4:49 pm

"and people had to disguise themselves”

Maybe Perry thought he was talking about the KKK?

JustPixelz September 27, 2011 at 8:27 pm

No doubt. They're all patriots in the southern white stars-and-bars alternate reality.

Blueb4sunrise September 27, 2011 at 4:49 pm

BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tommmcattt September 27, 2011 at 5:38 pm

That's always good for an upfist.

Blueb4sunrise September 27, 2011 at 6:21 pm

Back atcha.
Yeah, I was gonna make a lame' oops, wrong thread' joke, then decided it wasn't necessary.

user-of-owls September 27, 2011 at 8:57 pm

From parsimony, mighty upfists grow.

Blueb4sunrise September 27, 2011 at 10:48 pm

That's……….that's beautiful man.

bagofmice September 27, 2011 at 11:11 pm

I would tell you to grow up, but it looks like you've got that covered.
#multipleentendre.

jus_wonderin September 27, 2011 at 4:49 pm

I am pleased as punch that Rick "Assclown" Perry is getting his twat hammered. I very much dislike this guy. Such a total fake.

elviouslyqueer September 27, 2011 at 4:50 pm

I'm sorry, but I can't watch this drawling hickish baboon. Besides that, if I wanted to watch something that would make my IQ drop into negative territory, I'd just rewatch Nancy Grace on DWTS.

metamarcisf September 27, 2011 at 4:51 pm

In Rick Perry's colonial America, everyday was Halloween.

Rosie_Scenario September 27, 2011 at 4:59 pm

No, not Hallowe'en. That there is a pagan (or Papist) holiday. Let's call it "Fall Festival" instead.

tessiee September 27, 2011 at 11:29 pm

"Let's call it "Fall Festival" instead."

Ironically, the same people who would really think/say that clutch their pearls over "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas".

bagofmice September 27, 2011 at 5:13 pm

I am intrigued by your ideas and would like to subscribe to your Ministry.

Schmannnity September 27, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Needz more Aggie edumacation.

genxr September 27, 2011 at 4:51 pm

I'm just thankful that today we live in a country where we can board a ship and dump its cargo into the harbor without disguising ourselves out of fear of persecution.

user-of-owls September 27, 2011 at 9:02 pm

So true! Well, as long as we either own or rent the boat. And that the prevailing laws governing disposal of waste at sea are somehow deemed inapplicable. And especially, that we're not Muslim.

So under those circumstances, yes, we are absolutely free from any need for disguise! Yay us!

bagofmice September 27, 2011 at 11:14 pm

As a bag enthusiast, can I request that the cargo be pre-wrapped into single servings? Tea bagging just isn't the same with those loose leaves.

Eve8Apples September 27, 2011 at 4:54 pm

What is it with Teabaggers and their fascination with dressing up in costumes? I haven't seen this much obsessing over costumes since RuPaul's drag queen competition.

hagajim September 28, 2011 at 10:16 am

Apparently they have confused RuPaul with Ron Paul.

charlesdegoal September 27, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Hey Rick? How about YOU go back to Boston in the 1770 and stay there? Please.

JohnyEdge September 27, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Rick Perry has never left the 1770s.

Sharkey September 27, 2011 at 4:54 pm

“Rick Perry is George Bush on crack, just wait.”

That wasn't very much of a wait.

Schmannnity September 27, 2011 at 4:57 pm

He debates like George Bush on roofies.

NewtsChicknNeck September 27, 2011 at 6:55 pm

or after playing a&m's football schedule with gerry ford's helmet.

tessiee September 27, 2011 at 11:41 pm

“Rick Perry is George Bush on crack, just wait.”

???
I thought George Bush was already on crack.

Sharkey September 27, 2011 at 11:52 pm

I was not intending to defend something that Meghan McCain wrote.

Just want to be clear on that.

tessiee September 28, 2011 at 12:20 am

Actually, you, Meghan, and I are all incorrect.
George Bush is not, in fact, on crack.
He's a cokehead and a drunk.

*hand wave*
Carry on.

Sharkey September 28, 2011 at 12:39 am

Meghan McCain is so stupid she tried to put her m&ms in alphabetical order.

Meghan McCain is so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

(cough)

baconzgood September 27, 2011 at 4:57 pm

History Smishtory. You know Tea Party people, those who don't know thier history are….um…Let's see how does that saying go? Oh Yeah those who don't know history shame on you….If you know your history…..You can't get fooled again?

Eve8Apples September 27, 2011 at 5:00 pm

When you have truthiness on your side, you don't need history.

Chichikovovich September 27, 2011 at 7:23 pm

Those who don't know history are condemned to repeat it. And Perry had to repeat history 3 times before they let him graduate.

(Precambrian era joke? Yes, yes, but what can I say: I have a weakness for the classics.)

flamingpdog September 27, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Why did the paleochicken cross the Cretaceous/Tertiary boundary?
To get to the other side!

bagofmice September 27, 2011 at 11:17 pm

The real question: Did the cock bring his genes?

Chillwaver September 27, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Not sure what the issue is here. His story is consistent with the Conservapedia entry…and the Texas Board of Education curriculum.

occams8ball September 27, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Yep,…(scratches neck beard …spits….) that there Rick Perry shore is one queer hombre.

flamingpdog September 27, 2011 at 5:01 pm

The stupid … the STOOOOOPIDJesus, it hurts my brain.!!1!! Screw the masks, can we just permanently stuff giant dildos in the mouths of people like Perry? Where's my gorilla glue?

bagofmice September 27, 2011 at 11:21 pm

We're gonna need another wetsuit. http://tbogg.firedoglake.com/2010/07/19/paranoid-

OneYieldRegular September 27, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Curiously, they all disguised themselves as Button Gwinett.

samsuncle September 27, 2011 at 5:32 pm

I believe one of them went as Lyman Hall.

Limeylizzie September 27, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Who is that? What a fabulous name.

samsuncle September 27, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Two Brits who came to America in the 1700's, settled in Georgia and later signed the Declaration of Independence. You may be related to them.

Limeylizzie September 27, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Gwinnett sounds Welsh…little, dark, hairy people.

Chichikovovich September 27, 2011 at 7:25 pm

And thought to be unreliable in repaying debts. But very musical.

SorosBot September 27, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Button Gwinnitt is a robot guide and guard at the National Archives, programmed after the 2nd man to sign the Declaration of Independence.

gurukalehuru September 28, 2011 at 8:17 am

There is a difference between Lyman Hall and the Limey down the hall.

AnAmericanInTO September 27, 2011 at 7:28 pm

One cannot mention Button Gwinnett without bringing up this beautiful Mr. Show sketch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZI0hvm10AHo

Chillwaver September 27, 2011 at 5:05 pm

“Afraid to walk around in public”

This one's the biggest offender. Teabaggers don't walk, they ride scooters.

GunToting[Redacted] September 27, 2011 at 5:59 pm

This is true, but if they scooted around in public they'd look like my cat does when he gets out of the litter box.

Chillwaver September 27, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Unlike your cat after the litter box, tough, Teabaggers are still full of shit.

bagofmice September 27, 2011 at 11:23 pm

You need to infect the hover hand meme with hover rounds. Teabagging without the touching.

starfanglednut September 27, 2011 at 5:05 pm

I am really sick of the baggers blathering on about the Boston Tea Party in one breath, and in the next, deriding my state as being a hot bed of taxes, gay marriage, and elites. I am also sick of being branded as an elite by billionaires. And another thing…

*Doctor enters room, administers chloroform

Limeylizzie September 27, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Are you in Boston? I am shooting there next week for a few days.

jus_wonderin September 27, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Again, you are living my dream. I guess, however, I am living somebody else's dream. I work for a computer game company.

Dang the choices of youth. I want to act. Good luck at the shoot. (This doesn't involve guns, right? Just checking.)

mumbly_joe September 27, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Definitely my dream! Of course, I'm stagnating in an admin assistant position at a hospital, while nursing ever-increasingly far-fetched aspirations of breaking from my holding pattern and finally going to med school. So…

Actually, no. That's nobody's dream.

Limeylizzie September 27, 2011 at 6:16 pm

It's an industrial film, nothing thrilling but good money.

Lascauxcaveman September 27, 2011 at 6:30 pm

You guys could always join up with your local amateur theatricals group. Who knows, you might get lucky and join one that likes to go out drinking after rehearsals.

starfanglednut September 27, 2011 at 9:06 pm

I am indeed. Where 'bouts you shooting?

Limeylizzie September 27, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Not sure yet, contracts being signed this week, so will know by Thursday or Friday.

starfanglednut September 29, 2011 at 7:46 pm

I'd be happy to give you touristy info should you need it :)

flamingpdog September 28, 2011 at 1:19 am

Shooting in Boston for a few days? Could you take out Scott Brown while you're there, please?

Limeylizzie September 28, 2011 at 6:06 am

I think that other Elizabeth will be doing that .

Schmannnity September 27, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Coincidentally, during the Boston Tea Party, people living where Rick/Jim Perry patriotically claim as his own were known as Mexicans.

fuflans September 27, 2011 at 5:07 pm

freedom isn't free.

apparently the price is stupidity.

Chichikovovich September 27, 2011 at 7:26 pm

Freedom isn't free – but it *is* dumb.

bagofmice September 27, 2011 at 11:25 pm

So we're bringing five bees and a dollar into the picture…

fuflans September 27, 2011 at 5:10 pm

every time i read a republican candidate story i get the urge to listen to the dead kennedys.

well, or ru paul.

metamarcisf September 27, 2011 at 5:14 pm

"Stealing Peoples Mail", a tune about privatizing the U.S. Postal Service.

poncho_pilot September 27, 2011 at 7:21 pm

college republican bake sale made me think of this one:
http://youtu.be/9_UqGtFu2eM

HistoriCat September 27, 2011 at 5:39 pm

(Ru) Paul 2012!

Poindexter718 September 27, 2011 at 5:12 pm

"Come a time in this country, not so long ago, ya wanted to rob a bank, and ya had to disguise yerself–put panty hose on yer head or a ski mask or somesuch–for fear of persecution.
"Did you ever try and go out in the West Texas heat, faars burnin' all round ya, in a dadgum ski mask? Ever try and pop a cap in a bank guard with a pair of Leggs on yer head, messin' up yer hair? No sir, ain't right.."

jus_wonderin September 27, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Thing is, it took 5 earnest attempts for Perry to realize he needed to disquise his face and not his legs.

Poindexter718 September 27, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Not to mention the gun tottin' menace's confusion when he realized he bought opaque instead of sheer and "couldn't see a lick."

jus_wonderin September 27, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Well, there was that one time with the fishnets. Whew, he was lucky he wasn't fingered.

bagofmice September 27, 2011 at 11:27 pm

What a waste.

poncho_pilot September 27, 2011 at 7:17 pm

"I tried to stand up and fly straight, but it wasn't easy with that sumbitch Reagan in the White House."

Angry_Marmot September 27, 2011 at 8:10 pm

Son, you got a panty on your head.

BarackMyWorld September 27, 2011 at 5:13 pm

In that clip, Perry really looks like actor Brett Baxter Clark of 80s B-movie movie fame.

poncho_pilot September 27, 2011 at 7:16 pm

i had to look him up (good call, btw) and this NSFW image was near the top:
http://a4.l3-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/69/ba

Khaaaaaaaaannnnn!!!

lochnessmonster September 27, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Would it be real purdy if lightening hit that metal podium? What are they thinking having that outside?

Oblios_Cap September 28, 2011 at 8:59 am

Science is for pansies. Real men love Jebus.

DashboardBuddha September 27, 2011 at 5:14 pm

..and this fuckstick wants to be the leader of the free world?

genxr September 27, 2011 at 6:18 pm

No, he wants to be leader of the Theocratic Republic of Evangelicalstan.

El Pinche September 27, 2011 at 8:01 pm

Theocratic Republic of Evangelicalstan (A Home Depot Brand)

emmelemm September 27, 2011 at 8:53 pm

"Welcome to Costco, I love you."

ixnay on the Ome-hay Epot-day

JustPixelz September 27, 2011 at 8:26 pm

HEY! My fuckstick is insulted by your remarks.

Fox n Fiends September 27, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Lets see….Conservatives hate history, math, and science. Yep, lets let them run the country!!!

NewtsChicknNeck September 27, 2011 at 6:59 pm

sadly the teabaggers' collective mindset is, "i hate those things too. this guy will be great."

Schmannnity September 27, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Your forgot spelling.

Gleem_McShineys September 27, 2011 at 8:00 pm

Soe did yours! SCHMANNITY 2012!!!1

GeorgiaBurning September 27, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Sounds good to me, who needs history, math, and science in 21st century Baptistan. Hmm, this secession stuff is starting to make some sense.

donner_froh September 27, 2011 at 5:15 pm

What an idiot. Everyone knows all that tea was dumped into the harbor to stop the British from taking away our guns.

GOPCrusher September 27, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Something, something, bells!

Radiotherapy® September 27, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Right, how else would fight the Cuban terrorists.

jus_wonderin September 27, 2011 at 5:55 pm

"Hey, where are my fuckin' bendy straws?!!

Radiotherapy® September 27, 2011 at 5:16 pm

My favorite part of this history through the prism of ignorance is the fact that everyone of those original "patriots" was and would be considered today, a radical liberal.
Same with Jeebus.

genxr September 27, 2011 at 6:19 pm

They'd be getting maced and clubbed and cordoned off with police tape before they even got near the ships.

Radiotherapy® September 27, 2011 at 6:37 pm

And certainly NPR wouldn't have any coverage.

not that Dewey September 28, 2011 at 12:02 am

But we're not allowed to talk about that.

bagofmice September 27, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Seriously. Dude was handing out free booze and health care. To the poors and lepers even. Sounds like a god-damned samaritin to me.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 27, 2011 at 5:17 pm

I'm starting to think the rest of the GOP field is just there to make Mitt look almost human.

Fare la Volpe September 27, 2011 at 6:15 pm

They could start by removing the bolts from his neck.

Schmannnity September 27, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Catch the mildly febrile feeling!

Negropolis September 27, 2011 at 11:49 pm

You know, if they'd just remove the price tag off of him and that christmas tree air freshener, he might have a chance.

LetUsBray September 28, 2011 at 12:45 am

Corporations are people, my friend, but the jury's still out on Willard.

hagajim September 28, 2011 at 10:18 am

And the scary thing is that Mittens can't even hold his water in the primary against these idiots.

Mort_Sinclair September 27, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Comforting to know that Perry has the same authoritative command of history that Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann have. Must be some newfangled Republican thing where we just make up historyshit to suit our ideology & agenda. Just waiting for the one of these bozos to tell us that Hitler wasn't persecuting Jooz, he was saving the world from terrorist Moozlims.

GunToting[Redacted] September 27, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Not gonna happen Remember, Hitler was a socialist, and therefore black.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 27, 2011 at 5:17 pm

In the end, though, not knowing history probably just proves Perry is in fact the one most in line with the Tea Party movement.

GOPCrusher September 27, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Seriously, there are people in America that value being stupid as shit as a viable quality in a Presidential candidate?

LetUsBray September 28, 2011 at 12:46 am

Going back at least as far as Reagan, clearly so.

zappadoo76 September 27, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Iglesias: "People who want to protest peacefully do so freely….." Is that right? In NYC, they get beaten and maced.

HempDogbane September 27, 2011 at 5:25 pm

When I agreed to be Diego Rivera for Halloween this year, no one told me busting some shit up was a requirement.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 27, 2011 at 5:26 pm

You know who else made up stuff about US History to suck up to a bunch of ill informed people?

Blueb4sunrise September 27, 2011 at 5:30 pm

D.W. Griffith?

SorosBot September 27, 2011 at 5:34 pm

John Smith?

not that Dewey September 27, 2011 at 11:59 pm

Joseph Smith?

Chichikovovich September 28, 2011 at 10:30 am

Smith and Wesson?

user-of-owls September 28, 2011 at 11:45 am

Wesson Salad Oil?

GOPCrusher September 27, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Bible Spice?

Indiepalin September 27, 2011 at 5:49 pm

America's Weasel, Mark Levin?

Bonzos_Bed_Time September 27, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Borat?

GunToting[Redacted] September 27, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Sam Cooke?

Lascauxcaveman September 27, 2011 at 6:52 pm

♬ ♪ Don't know nothin' 'bout history…♬ ♪

(Thanks for the earworm, Gun.)

genxr September 27, 2011 at 6:21 pm

Bill & Ted?

mumbly_joe September 27, 2011 at 6:23 pm

David Barton?

mavenmaven September 27, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Unfortunately, that one isn't funny…

Schmannnity September 27, 2011 at 7:13 pm

William Jennings Bryan?

BarackMyWorld September 27, 2011 at 7:28 pm

Michelle Malkin?

horsedreamer_1 September 27, 2011 at 11:33 pm

Joe Klein?

bagofmice September 27, 2011 at 11:37 pm

Man, am I going to have to front the Goldberg conjecture?

Negropolis September 27, 2011 at 11:50 pm

The Tejas Board of Edgumacation?

Chet Kincaid September 28, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Dan Brown?

fuflans September 27, 2011 at 5:26 pm

wow and NOW npr is covering a town hall in – wait for it – an non bagger district (danny davis).

this is weird.

mumbly_joe September 27, 2011 at 5:38 pm

To be fair, even with the pretty racist disguises, the Boston Tea Party folks didn't manage to be all that secretive in the end, what with Paul Revere ringing those bells, and firing those warning shots, the whole time, to warn the British that the Sons of Liberty were breaking onto their ships.

Bonzos_Bed_Time September 27, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Stupid British deserved to get their precious tea taken like that.

mumbly_joe September 27, 2011 at 6:53 pm

They really did! I mean, why did they bearth their ships in Boston, New Hampsire? The whole fucking town's pretty much landlocked.

genxr September 27, 2011 at 6:22 pm

I know the new season of Sons of Liberty just starting, but do you think Jax is going to finally take over the motorcycle club?

bagofmice September 27, 2011 at 11:41 pm

I'm seeing Metal Gear Solid crossed with Mortal Kombat. If you run with the metal arms you could go with a Deus Ex reference….

Schmannnity September 27, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Actually, didn't they dress as Native Americans in a revolutionary blame the darkies move?

emmelemm September 27, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Sort of like the "I was carjacked by a scary black man and he kidnapped my chirruns!" or the "Obama supporters carved some backwards letters into my face, ay-up!" … is that what you mean?

mumbly_joe September 28, 2011 at 6:35 am

Some Puerto Rican Guy was clearly behind it all.

Wonderthing September 27, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Cinderella looked at the the gingerbread house and knew a witch was inside. When the bell rang, she jumped a horse and pulled her guns out and began to shoot the orcs who were oppressing her. She left a glass slipper nailed to the wall of the slave cabin where she was born as a signal that no one should think she would consent to be taxed without her consent. And so, a legend was born.

GOPCrusher September 27, 2011 at 5:49 pm

And thus, the Underground Railroad was created.

jus_wonderin September 27, 2011 at 5:59 pm

"Wouldn't the smoke from the stacks cause sickness and sooty faces?"

Lascauxcaveman September 27, 2011 at 6:55 pm

If you're going to pull a long excerpt from her book like that, you're supposed attribute. Sarah Palin has lawyers, you know.

JackObin September 27, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Stupid is the new black.

Nostrildamus September 27, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Whitey is the new stupid.

Negropolis September 27, 2011 at 11:53 pm

I'm still waiting for the No Whites After Labor Day sale, myself.

user-of-owls September 28, 2011 at 12:34 am

Check the teeth before you buy one.

Negropolis September 28, 2011 at 7:15 am

I think my time would be better spent checking the hair.

Papa_Uniform September 27, 2011 at 5:58 pm

As my old Texas Grandma used to say, "That boy ain't got enuff sense to pour pee outta a boot". Never understood exactly what that meant 'til Rick came along.

NewtsChicknNeck September 27, 2011 at 7:02 pm

with the instructions tattooed on the heel.

Angry_Marmot September 27, 2011 at 8:15 pm

All eat up with the dumb-ass.

yrbmegr September 27, 2011 at 6:01 pm

He should ask Michele Bachmann for clarification. She knows a bunch about history.

genxr September 27, 2011 at 6:23 pm

John Wayne Gacey had to wear a disguise, too.

littlebigdaddy September 27, 2011 at 6:01 pm

I'm not impressed. Everyone knows you need way more flipcharts/chalkboards and crazier shouting to convince people.

soojank September 27, 2011 at 6:07 pm

Very OT, as always, but I just got an email telling me that my (tiny, dirty hippie, liberal arts) college now has a Young Americans for Liberty chapter or whatever which I'm assuming is some sort of paultard thing. Considering walking by the meeting just to see who to avoid at all costs and/or lecture about freedom and self reliance if they ask for help.

Or maybe, it's just dumbasses who think libertarian = fiscal conservative/social liberal. facepalm.

mumbly_joe September 27, 2011 at 9:25 pm

Going by history, liberals are the best fiscal conservatives there are; a "fiscal conservative" that decides to make structural cuts to the tax system using the excuse of a small temporary surplus, then cuts taxes further while starting two simultaneous wars isn't, who'd have thought. Nor is deliberately creating fiscal crises in order to carve away at the social safety net. "Conservative", in the context of "fiscal" matters, connotes (or should connote) being small-c conservative with a budget's balance sheet. Because that's what fiscal means.

More common are libertarians who consider themselves "economic conservatives", on the other hand, which is often used to connote supply-sider/trickle-down/Laffer-curve nonsense. The problem here, of course, is this means calling someone an economic conservative and social liberal is fundamentally incoherent: economic policies are inherently social policies as well, as economics is the study of how people or societies allocate scarce resources between competing priorities, and whom a society decides to protect, support, or enrich is innately a matter of social policy. Arguably, the single most important social policy.

Negropolis September 27, 2011 at 11:56 pm

Are you sure it wasn't the Young Americans for Freedom (YAF)? If so, it's an ultra-conservative group that's really just a front for campus white supremacists.

littlebigdaddy September 27, 2011 at 6:07 pm

The fact that he is sweating like a coolie in 100 degree weather at the end of September, and doesn't believe in global warming is a nice touch.

DashboardBuddha September 27, 2011 at 6:08 pm

why can't I shake the image of a bunch of colonists walking around with their tri-corner hates, buckle shoes and a Groucho Marx mask?

Schmannnity September 27, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Say the secret word and divide 20 shillings.

DashboardBuddha September 27, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Seriously though…I don't know why everyone is complaining about what Rick Perry says. Why, even a child of five could understand him. Quick…someone fetch a child of five.

PalinzADummy September 27, 2011 at 8:19 pm

You probably meant "hats," but that typo is so perfect.

Fawkdifiknow September 27, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Let's review: Teabaggers – and their fave preznit candidates – make up their own version of history, try to debunk the overwhelming prevailing scientific consensus on climate change and still – still – refuse to accept evolutionary science. Yet, they are accorded complete deference when they say they and they alone know what the cure for this country''s economic woesis. Makes sense to me – donuttoyou?

Radiotherapy® September 27, 2011 at 9:30 pm

That's a fair and balanced analysis.

bagofmice September 27, 2011 at 11:46 pm

Do you believe in evolution?
"no."
Then you won't need this flu shot.

Fare la Volpe September 27, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Two hundred years and they still can't make a decent wig, huh Rick?

Doktor Zoom September 27, 2011 at 6:24 pm

Incidentally, NPR did finally do a story on "Occupy Wall Street" today… http://www.npr.org/2011/09/27/140854961/wall-stre

Sharkey September 27, 2011 at 6:37 pm

I'm pretty sure we're still not allowed to listen though. You have to get permission from Ken.

littlebigdaddy September 27, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Great. And The Guardian has been running stories on it for, what, about a week now.

Lascauxcaveman September 27, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Yeah I don't quite get the whiny librul handwringing on this one, I've seen Occupy Wall Street articles in both the Seattle Times and my local fishwrap over the last couple days. And I don't even read them that closely.

And not one goddamned thing about Nancy Grace being on DWTS. I mean, what the hell?

Wilcoxyz September 27, 2011 at 6:27 pm

I went to Colonial Williamsburg and the folks there said the costumes came with the job. So I blame job creators.

mavenmaven September 27, 2011 at 6:38 pm

He was hoping "disguise" means "drag" and thus it would be ok when he gets caught that way.

NewtsChicknNeck September 27, 2011 at 6:40 pm

nah, he was remembering a time when white people were afraid to go out in public lest they be confronted by people only recently considered not to be property. either way, very appealing to teabaggers. they: (a) love jesus* unconditionally and (b) are scared shitless of the coloreds.

*and, paradoxically, government-sanctioned, -sponsored, or -performed murder.

PalinzADummy September 27, 2011 at 8:25 pm

This is what perplexes me. Given how awfully white people treated Teh Blax, when they had power over them — buying and selling and breeding them like animals, torturing them, starving them, etc. — I can understand having a guilty conscience. But what's to fear? The racism is still far from over, and people with any African antecedents are still treated pretty horribly in most places. So why the fear? What is there to fear from a wronged and mistreated, powerless people?

weejee September 27, 2011 at 6:47 pm

Is it just me or did that bit of tape trigger a waft of Steve Martin shit/Shinola deja vu for any others?

And Ken, did NPR file a cease & desist over your Wonkwire post to shutdown further comments?

iburl September 27, 2011 at 10:59 pm

They offered Ken some of that sweet Genius Grant money.

Sharkey September 28, 2011 at 12:19 am

That was Meggies, responding to Erik SunOfaErik. Officially, anyway.

NewtsChicknNeck September 27, 2011 at 7:10 pm

so people are surprised that a "C-" aggie male cheerleader is dumber than a "C-" yale male cheerleader?

i realize it's like deciding whether it's hotter in ft. worth or dallas, i.e. who gives a shit when the heat index is 122 or 123? it's hot. they're dumb. the end.

Rotundo_ September 27, 2011 at 8:19 pm

I'm not surprised that he is dumber than Dubya, but completely astonished that the fucking moron is being taken seriously by *anyone* even republicans as a potential leader of the USofA. This year's crop of candidates has been truly amazing. Have they driven every intelligent, ethical person out of the GOP? (I know-rhetorical question…)

PalinzADummy September 27, 2011 at 8:26 pm

I think people (me, at least) are simply amazed that anyone could be stupider than a (supposedly) dry drunk ex-druggie idiot like Bush. I, personally, didn't think it was humanly possible, barring some actual mental defect or disease. How did this guy even get into college?

glamourdammerung September 27, 2011 at 8:28 pm

How did this guy even get into college?

He got into a college? I thought he went to Texas A&M.

iburl September 27, 2011 at 11:01 pm

How do you know when you are near College Station?
When you honk your horn, all the sheep back up to the fence.

owhatever September 27, 2011 at 7:26 pm

People were afraid to go out into the streets of Boston that year because the Red Sox blew a five-game lead in the final week of the season, and baseball had not even been invented yet. Paul Revere was the shortstop, with John Adams in center field.

johnnyzhivago September 27, 2011 at 7:39 pm

John Adams was too busy making beer to play baseball! Ben Franklin was a catcher – I hear he had home plate almost entirely to himself.

Angry_Marmot September 27, 2011 at 8:19 pm

I was under the impression the Ben Franklin was more of a, um, pitcher. James Buchanan, now he was a catcher.

johnnyzhivago September 27, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Why do Republicans hate America's Founding Vandals so much!!!!

Comrade Wingtard September 27, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Where is the part where Perry promises, as part of his first "100 Days" to reprint the Constitution in comic sans, put the second amendment in "blink" tags and colorize and embolden the whole thing?

johnnyzhivago September 27, 2011 at 7:37 pm

The US Constitution should be in ALL UPPER CASE!

DashboardBuddha September 27, 2011 at 7:40 pm
PalinzADummy September 27, 2011 at 8:28 pm

What is ttommyunger doing in that comic strip?

bagofmice September 27, 2011 at 11:52 pm
johnnyzhivago September 27, 2011 at 7:41 pm

Let's hear it for colonial businessmen like Sam Adams – who invested in his brewery – and then saw his profits drained by the British socialists – with their Colonial Health Service and all their environmental regulations!

Schmannnity September 27, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Lower taxes on the indentured servitude makers!

Angry_Marmot September 27, 2011 at 8:22 pm

And their anti-slavery, anti-business attitudes towards expansion into Indian territory.

arcadesproject September 27, 2011 at 7:42 pm

You've heard of gentleman's Cs? Well, Perry got barbarian's D's in college. The putz is no Einstein.

PalinzADummy September 27, 2011 at 8:29 pm

That's putting it mildly. Trig or Trick or whatever Sarah's defective spawn is called could probly beat him in a game of chess.

PalinzADummy September 27, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Sounds like a country-western song.

smokefilleddoommate September 27, 2011 at 9:27 pm

♫♪ I'd lie for you
And that's the truth
You kicked my dog
I have one tooth ♪♫

PalinzADummy September 27, 2011 at 9:31 pm

Precious!

chascates September 27, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Well, that explains all the knee britches, powdered wigs, tri-cornered hats, and big red Bozo noses, all of which we read about in history books.

Warpde September 27, 2011 at 8:02 pm

Noooooo! Rick, not the hair…..Please God, Not the HAIR!!!!!!!!!!

johnnyzhivago September 27, 2011 at 8:04 pm

While we're planning the reinvention of America….

I say bring back slavery – It's a well known fact that the slaves LOVED IT – and it was a real boost to productivity. This time though, I would avoid racial overtones and allow for brown, yellow and red slaves too. Plus maybe gay whites, though I'm not sure about that one.

Slavery – and capital punishment – bring back the America of our founding fathers!!!!

Rotundo_ September 27, 2011 at 8:23 pm

Truth be told we're heading there anyhow: I don't think there will be as much concern about where we come from or how brown we may or may not be when we are all under the whip. JesusCorporation UberAlles!

snoopyfan2010 September 27, 2011 at 8:08 pm

Oh Ricky. Some Aggies aren't proud to call you their own.

hilbillyheroine September 27, 2011 at 8:28 pm

He's in deep dookie with the teatards. He's r e t a r d e d, also. Sad.

user-of-owls September 27, 2011 at 8:35 pm

HISTORY IS NOW FIXED

PETA will be very happy to hear this.

hilbillyheroine September 27, 2011 at 8:36 pm

PURTY. PURTY. Ricky is just PURTY. Let's all elect him. For his killin's and such, and his un taxin oil and such, and for havin' pretty hair, as such.

emmelemm September 27, 2011 at 8:50 pm

"I'd really like to have a beer with him."

(NOT!!!1!!)

neiltheblaze September 27, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Nah – whiskey. It stings more when you throw it in his beady little eyes.

rocktonsam September 27, 2011 at 8:39 pm

Molly!

please come back.

you gotta see this shit

El Pinche September 28, 2011 at 12:00 am

Molly's in the 9th Zoastrian Dimension sipping mojitos with Ann Richards and Bill Hicks laughing their cosmic asses off.
I'm in a virtual 7th dimension right now on my 5th mojito listening to block of superchunk and about to get Lee Scratch Perry up in this mutherfucker.

user-of-owls September 27, 2011 at 8:39 pm

You go back to Boston in the 1770s and people had to disguise themselves

It's true! They would wear things like powdered wigs, wooden teeth and adult knickers so no one would recognize them.

iburl September 27, 2011 at 11:04 pm

George Bush, Rick Perry and Joe Barton were huddled around each other at a D.C. thinktank. All of a sudden, they jumped up and yelled, "Yeah, 51! 51!" The bartender goes down to them and asks, "51? What are you guys so excited about?"
Joe Barton speaks up: "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. The box said 2 to 3 years, and we did it in 51 days!"

bagofmice September 27, 2011 at 11:55 pm

So they were at E and fifth?

Negropolis September 27, 2011 at 11:04 pm

I'm sorry; I just can't suffer that accent from a Texas politician, anymore. I just can't; he's fucking ruined it for everyone. Go to hell, Texas Governor Rick Perry; go to hell and take most of Texas with you.

HistoriCat September 28, 2011 at 10:47 am

Hell would make for a nice change from Texas.

AddHomonym September 28, 2011 at 12:52 am

Who is he yelling at? On the other hand, love the casual look!

ibwilliamsi September 28, 2011 at 1:26 am

Hint to Mitt – only the traitors were afraid to be publicly known…

Who rang the bells?

widget2011 September 28, 2011 at 5:45 am

I think the real problem here is not Rick Perry, but the target audience. When somebody says something that obviously stupid, I think the crickets should have their say, showing they are the smartest creatures in the audience.

Radiotherapy® September 28, 2011 at 8:21 am

Silence from NYC and Riley. Maybe he can't charge his battery.

Jughead2130 September 28, 2011 at 9:42 am

Someone should explain to Mr. Perry that the Boston Tea Partiers of the 1770s were protesting taxation WITHOUT representation. The Tea Baggers of 2011 HAVE representation; they're just butt hurt because they don't get their way on everything.

genxr September 28, 2011 at 12:12 pm

What with the facial hair of the time, I thought everybody was protesting The Rent Is Too Damn High.

Also, the real reason the baggers are mad is because the rest of us have representation also.

ttommyunger September 28, 2011 at 10:55 am

Hmmmm. Looking more and more like an unemployed Baptist Preacher filling a temporarily empty pulpit in someone else's church. I'm thinking his early supporters will soon be wearing disguises out of shame. This clown only looks good by comparison with the other dildos in his peer group. Hope he gets the nod, Barry will make mincemeat out his lame, wrinkled ass during the debates.

anniegetyerfun September 28, 2011 at 11:15 am

You guys, he meant if you WENT BACK IN TIME to 1770, you'd have to disguise yourself. You couldn't wear your baggy rapper pants and your hat on sideways, like they do in the hizzy (White House).

Fortunately, Teabaggers already have entire wardrobes of colonial-era costumes, as they cannot climax outside of the presence of a tri-cornered hat.

James Michael Curley September 28, 2011 at 11:21 am

What a moron. Dressing up like a bunch of native american is sure going to make the tea party vandals inconspicuous.

BZ1 September 28, 2011 at 11:57 am

Rick's reading of histry ain't too perrty either …

Buckminster September 28, 2011 at 1:00 pm

So this explains the popularity of the Guy Fawkes masks in northwestern Montana?

Tundra Grifter September 28, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Who would possibly think it was safer to dress up as an Indian in Colonial New England?

That's like wearing your witch outfit in Salem, Mass.

Or, today, putting on a chicken costume and hiding at KFC.

phlox✔ September 28, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Even Kortney knows more about Colonial history everything than this putz.
And she has nicer hair.

Porter Melmoth September 29, 2011 at 1:12 pm

There he goes again: dinglePerry's ALWAYS bringing up persecution of the gays, this time it's crossdressers that he's not-so-subtly alluding to.

lulzmonger September 29, 2011 at 4:04 pm

What gets skipped over every time the story of the original Boston Tea Party comes up?

They were hardcore roaring shitfaced. Every man jack of them.

I think they were probably lucky to even hit the right ship, what with being totally hammered. People who witnessed Teh Partay said it was a minor miracle that nobody on the docks killed themselves or one another or fell in the harbor & drowned.

So, plus la change …

starfanglednut September 27, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Indeed

flamingpdog September 27, 2011 at 5:20 pm

17 percent of 'Mur'cuns, the only way they can have a payday is by buying (?lifting) it off the shelf at the 7-11.

Doktor Zoom September 27, 2011 at 6:55 pm

I've loved Grampa Simpson ever since the Blizzard of Dickety-Eight…

emmelemm September 27, 2011 at 7:03 pm

Many thanks, that was gold.

Chichikovovich September 27, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Glad you liked 'em. I've always had a particular weakness for:

"…and I guess he won the argument, but I walked away with the turnips."

Tommmcattt September 27, 2011 at 7:25 pm

Straight people are weird.

Limeylizzie September 27, 2011 at 7:40 pm
PalinzADummy September 27, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Oh god. I guess we'd better get out while the going's good. (searches for gun)

widget2011 September 28, 2011 at 5:41 am

And a Blunderbus!

Negropolis September 28, 2011 at 7:19 am

Colbert tried just that on his show to no success. Well, unless you consider uproarious laughter a success…which I would.

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