Richard Cohen Admits Giant Gay Crush On Rick Perry

Lead old fart in the Washington Post's "Eldercare for columnists" division Richard Cohen proclaimed his manly affection for Texas bozo barbie Rick Perry, not for something inane/worthwhile like "policy reasons," but because the hot waves of bubbling stool ever-flowing out of the right-wing punditry's toilet tank these days have a decidedly anti-Perry flavor to them. Ergo, this thing that has been the diarrhea du jour in the news media the last four days erases Perry's incompetent thousand-year rule over Texas that has made the state our nation's leader in executions, children without health insurance and minimum-wage jobs, because he is being picked on by idiots. Type away, Richard Cohen! "First I was shocked and then I was scared but now, the more he gets attacked by those on his right (imagine!), the more a certain sympathy stirs in me. Here and there, the big lug is downright lovable," he babbles. Vulnerability is a major turn-on for Richard Cohen, is what he is saying.

"The cruel wingnuts who love cancer can't stand Perry for being anti-cancer" is the focal point of Cohen's myopic gaze, because he too is against cancer, and this is the single-issue reason Cohen is willing to, eh, remember a little less everything else that is horrible about Rick Perry. So get ready for the best "preteen sex cancer rape" apology YOU HAVE EVER READ:

Perry looked dazed. He virtually pounded his chest and proclaimed his hate for cancer. He acknowledged that he had erred — hatred of cancer can do that to an hombre — and should have left the good fight about HPV to the state legislature, which wouldn’t have passed it anyway. He had been slow to appreciate how conservatives felt that such vaccinations were the immunological equivalent of rape. They believe that vaccinating sixth-graders will somehow make these girls sexually promiscuous. As seventh-grade boys can tell you, there is no evidence for this.

That last line was the "research portion" of the column, in case you didn't catch it. SEVEN MORE PEWLITZERS FOR ROGER COHEN. [ Washington Post ]