Michele Bachmann is your new JFK.Cuba is Iran’s southernmost province in Palestine and all the terrorists are camping out on Fidel Castro’s front lawn, according to fading pill nut Michele Bachmann, who is here to warn us all that we’d better not re-open trade with Cuba or, GAH, Palestine’s “Hez-BLAH” terrorists will get their U.N. license to bomb Florida, by setting up missile bases in Cuba, hey the Cold War is back! and we will all be doomed: “Castro has been in charge of Cuba since the revolution in 1959. Why would we reward a communist brutal dictator who continually represses his people? Why would he reward him? That’s why we don’t want to see Palestine become a state until and unless they renounce terrorism against Israel.” Yes, “that’s why!” Follow-up: does any of this still hold true if Fidel Castro is no longer in charge of Cuba? (‘Cause he isn’t.) Video after the jump.

Sorry, there is too much crazy in her statements here to make sense of it. What were we saying? Oh yes, Michele Bachmann believes that Iranian-backed Hezbollah terrorists are setting up missile bases in Havana with her usual standard of zero evidence, which means that Iran is trying to kill America again, IRAN ARGH ALWAYS IRAN. “There is reports that have come out that Cuba has been working with another terrorist organization called Hezbollah. And Hezbollah is looking at wanting to be part of missile sites in Iran and, of course, when you are 90 miles offshore from Florida, you don’t want to entertain the prospect of hosting bases or sites where Hezbollah could have training camps,” she says. Did everyone know that Iran is 90 miles offshore from Florida?

“Why would you normalize relations with a country that sponsors terror,” she also asks, even though Cuba is not on the U.S. State Department list of state sponsors of terror because of IRAN or Hez-BLAH, but because of its history of support for the Colombian FARC guerrillas, but uh, whatever. NEVER FORGET. [Crooks and Liars]

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  • She's got a point (well two, including the one on her head).

    I don't trust that Marco Rubio guy…shirley he's some kind of Manchurian Candidate?

    • Omophagist

      Pretty sure he's actually just your common, everyday South Florida latino Rentboy.

      • PalinzADummy

        He's NOT Latino! He's a Cubano. And probably a gusano.

        But NOT Latino. I b'leev he said so hissown self.

    • Doogie_Fresh

      and don't call me Shirley

  • HempDogbane

    Bay of Pigs II. Piece of Cake.

    • Amo_of_Bogio

      Bay of Pigs 2: Electric Boogaloo

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      The cake is a lie.

      • Doktor Zoom

        This was a triumph.

  • The solution, of course, is to bomb the fuck out of Iran.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I always knew you were a closet Wonketeer, Mr. Bolton.

    • How 'bout bomb the shit out of Wyoming – they gave us Darth Cheney?

      • Dr_Zoidberg

        Oh, hey now….I live in Wyoming! Let's bomb Texas, because they gave us Shrub, who gave us Darth Cheney.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Hey, there are TX Wonksters too! But a tactical nukuler strike on Midland/Odessa would work, if you are going for the GWB-vengeance thing. And Rick Perry's from up in that area too.

          • Dr_Zoidberg

            True, true…and my parents live in Waco, which is too close to Crawford….oh, hell, the only option left is to bomb Iran.

        • You'll get a Wonketteer Collateral Damage tee shirt.

          • Dr_Zoidberg


      • PalinzADummy

        I like this solution. Perhaps we can arrange for every member of the extended Cheney clan to be there at the time.

        • Nostrildamus

          The entire Cheney clan only assembles when it's time for the devil impregnate a jackal.

          • PalinzADummy

            Oh, is that how we ended up with Liz Cheney? I thought she looked a little canine.

    • bflrtsplk

      How bout we go for the Czech Republic? They used to be Commnest and they're pretty close to Hiz'bolluh.

    • The final solution to the Iranian problem, one might say.

    • BerkeleyBear

      You are all missing the obvious solution. There's one place on Cuba that we know is full of scary terrorist wannabes who are such a massive threat to our nation that we have repeatedly opposed allowing them on shore.

      That's right, we have to bomb Gitmo (or any Cuban baseball stadium).

    • DahBoner

      John McCain? Is that you Gramps????

    • PalinzADummy

      Or Cuba.

      Or, better still, both.

  • Come here a minute

    Too bad the video cuts off before she gets to the part about the Key West gays being the fulcrum of the Cuban Hezblah axis. Pray it away!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      We're going to need all those Key West gays to help re-decorate Havana after the Castro Brothers exit the stage.

    • chicken_thief

      Marcus is weak kneed with anticipation at the thought – the challenge! of curing away the geyh of those luscious mocha skinned tightly muscled boys who are obviously willing to take an ass pounding from an creepy old white fucker, provided the money is right. Can he get an "amen!" for his dedication to the cause?

  • SorosBot

    Missiles in Cuba? I think that happened before, a long time ago; it was all a part of the Hellfire Club's plan to get the normal humans to kill each other so the mutants could take over.

    • Not_So_Much

      I, for one, welcome our new Zobmie Overlords.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Is Michele the new Living Dead Girl?

        • Not_So_Much

          I'm no expert, but I don't think anyone could argue that her brain has, in fact, not been eated.

          • PalinzADummy

            With a spoon. By the KrayZ LayDz 4 Krist.

        • PalinzADummy

          Hey, watch what you're saying there.

          I resemble that remark.

    • Gunner Asch

      That was the first time I started paying attention to world events. I still remember Bertrand Russell saying "I expect we shall all be dead within a week". Sort of a Johnsonian "concentrates the mind most wonderfully" moment.

    • Amo_of_Bogio

      Genosha libel!

      • Is that anything like Kenosha libel?

        • not that Dewey

          Or the Osh Kosh label?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    She's just worried about another Bay of Llamas disaster.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      *Llamas are dangerous. If you see one, you should yell 'danger, there are llamas'*

    • GOPCrusher

      Lorenzo Llamas?

    • PalinzADummy

      The one-l lama
      He's a priest
      The two-l llama
      He's a beast
      And I will bet
      A silk pajama
      There isn't any
      Three-l lllama

    • arpotu
  • justkillmenow

    How many brain cells are we killing every time we watch a Bachmann video? Considering the alcohol and drug consumption of my youth I just can't afford to watch her anymore.

    • chicken_thief

      "…my youth…" at least in this context, has somehow managed to stay with into my late fiddies with little sign of fading. Why quit now?!

      • justkillmenow

        Oh, I didn't quit…just reduced the quantity. Then again, if I stay drunk all of the time I never have a hangover.

  • freakishlywrong

    Bitch please. Can we make her a one-term candidate? Foolish twat.

    • CZL

      And waste a perfectly good example of why conservatives are too stupid to hold office? No sir/ma'am. Shelly should be on every ballot, everywhere.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    ”Castro has been in charge of Cuba since the revolution in 1959. Why would we reward a communist brutal dictator who continually represses his people?"

    But if Castro was good enough let Apple and Nike come in and open up some sweatshops like those Chinese and Vietnames commies, Hezbollah/Hamas/the IRA could go ahead and set up as many missles as they want to.

    • OneDollarJuana

      We rewarded our brutal dictator by reëlecting him in 2004.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      LOL, can you imagine how shitty an iPod made in Cuba would be?

      OTOH, they do get better healthcare than we do.

      • James Michael Curley

        Havana is filled with '50's era Cadillacs, Lincolns and other great, grand cars in excellent shape. They must be doing something right down there.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Great, an iPod jimmied together with baling wire, duct tape and parts from a '54 Buick.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          There's a real cool documentary called Yank Tanks about how those guys keep those cars alive. I watched it on Netflix Streaming, but it was a few months ago so might not be available there anymore. Worth hunting down…

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Having owned a few old beasts from the 1950's I can attest that most of them are pretty simple machines. They sure had style, but the mechanicals are stone-age child's play compared to today's cars. One of the joys of owning those old cars is just about anyone with a tool kit and some time on their hands has a fighting chance of keeping them running.

          • James Michael Curley

            I haven’t heard of it. What channel was it on?

      • A jumble of electronic parts rolled up in some fine tobacco? I'll take it!

  • Radiotherapy®

    does she know Diana Nyad failed twice in the last month to swim from Cuba to the Keys?
    Isn't that like a fence of sorts?

    • OneDollarJuana

      But do you know why she failed? It was those icky, icky Cubo/Commie jellyfish!

      • Doktor Zoom

        Why are we tolerating these Portuguese Men o' War so close to our own shores, anyway? What next? Cuban Dreadnoughts?

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          Not a big fan of dreadnoughts. Too boomy. I prefer a Grand Auditorium, or maybe a nice OM-sized.

  • And of course, the U.S. never rewards brutal dictators who continually repress their own people.

    Not after the big multinationals tell us to stop, that is.

    • Chichikovovich

      And we take an absolutely firm line on dictators who support terrorism on American soil. Like when former Chilean foreign minister Orlando Letelier and his aide (U.S. citizen) were killed with a car bomb while driving around Sheridan circle in Washington D.C. by agents of the Pinochet dictatorship (part of their ongoing Operation: Condor assassination program). Well, let me tell you that the Ford, Carter and then Reagan administrations were relentless in tracking down some low-level operative and getting him 5 whole years in prison. And when he and a couple of other low-level operatives said their orders came directly from Pinochet, well, … nothing happened.

      • I thought Tony Montana stopped that plot at the last minute by killing that one dude.

        • Chichikovovich

          Turns out ol' Scarface was quite the softie compared to the real thing.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Reminds me of a Pomeranian with a chew toy. Spins like crazy and barfs.

  • Not_So_Much

    Terrorist anchor-babies or GTFO. Stinks of desperation and Quaaludes(or was that only in the 80's?). ..

    • Tundra Grifter

      Gorilla biscuits? Flight 714? I'd like to say I remember those times – but I can't.

      • Radiotherapy®

        I've said this before, but, unfortunately, and stealthily, the Roche 714 was a victim of the OG endless war, the Drug War.

        • charlesdegoal

          The late Dr. Mandrax rules.

        • Tundra Grifter


          The War on Drugs is over.

          Drugs won.

          "War" is a remarkably inefficient, expensive, clumsy, out-of-control model for a program. Anyone who reads Sun Tzu's "Art of War" can learn this.

        • GOPCrusher

          Joe Friday's badge number=714
          The Roche 714.

  • Terry

    Does Bachmann know that the US interacts with other communist countries, including China? China isn't exactly warm and fuzzy with political prisoners, people yearning for democracy.

    Cuba is still under sanctions because a bunch of wealthy old Cubans in South Florida are still pissed off about losing their mansions in Havana. There is ZERO chance the Commie Ruskies will put missiles in Cuba again.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Does One-L know that during WW II we negotiated with the Nazis? We exchanged prisoners with them!

      • OneDollarJuana

        Does Shelly know that we were actually allied (after a fashion) with godless Russian Commies in WWII??

        • Radiotherapy®

          Does One-L know we went to bed with the OG Commie Terrorist, Uncle Joe Stalin?

          • HistoriCat

            You know who else went to bed with Uncle Joe Stalin?

      • PalinzADummy

        We didn't just *exchange prisoners* with them, we helped many top-level Nazis and Japanese war criminals evade punishment for their crimes.

    • Duly_Noted

      There you go, attempting to bring reality into this again.

    • chicken_thief

      I'll save you all some time: the questions of history that One L does not know would fill volumes.

    • GOPCrusher

      Well, Michele said that she doesn't think that Obama can return the U.S. to being an economic superpower. And since the only economic superpower right now appears to be Communist China, I can only assume that she is pro-Communism.

  • FakaktaSouth

    This is why we can't have nice things (from Cuba).

    This convoluted bunch of bullshit makes sense to these folks, but the idea of working for a fair wage at a safe job, pooling money and not starving to death, driving off a busted bridge, drinking poisoned water or dying from the flu because you can't afford meds, well, that shit is COMPLICATED.

    But Cuba to Iran to Palestine = Sharia law in Alabama, AND IT'S RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOU!!!!!

    • fuflans



  • Needs less Hez-blah, & more chootz-pah

  • charlesdegoal

    Can't listen to more than a few seconds of it, but enough to notice that she only knows two out of the four states listed by the State Dept. (the other two being Syria, which is now completely fucked, and Sudan, which is now actually two separate countries).
    God have mercy on us if any of those assholes (or assholettes) should ever be put in charge of foreign policy – although I suppose Israel is not about to relinquish that authority.

    • fuflans

      no worries! when the inevitable perry campaign implosion takes place, she'll get douglas feith for foreign policy advice.

      • PalinzADummy

        Oy, not the verkakte stupidest fucking human being on the planet AGAIN.

  • DaSandman

    Nature may abhor a vacuum but clearly the Republicans don't. At least not in their heads.

  • V572 Moon!

    We need more wars! The current ones are petering out into disappointing and doomed "police actions" which do not consume enough materiél to keep the furnaces at Boeing fired up. They just kill soldiers and Marines, of which we have an apparently inexhaustible supply as long as the re-enlistment bonuses are high enough.

    Bomb-bomb Iran♪♬

    Does anyone have any idea how long it's been since anyone has shot down one of our aircraft or sunk one of our ships? This is so simple that Miche1e understands it….or maybe not, but she's still a useful tool of the system.

    • But the two + current ones are low fruit for air conditioner manufacturers.

      Oh, wait, do they still make those in the USA anymore?

  • 8 minutes of random thoughts. How does she do that?


    Bachmann has added wingnut God for cash mega-church minister Hammond to her staff. Rev Hammond has taken fleecing the flock to a new level. This will fix her campaign problems.

  • I want to know if Cuba is supporting the MILFS in the Phillipines… Because if Bachmann is really a "cougar", it means she could actually be a pawn of Castro.

  • Tundra Grifter

    From memory – I didn't check the map – the "ninety miles from Florida" measures the distance from Cuba to Fort Jefferson in the Dry Tortugas – where Dr. Samuel Mudd was held after John Wilkes Booth shot President Lincoln.

    Castro invaded the Fort, stole cannon, and melted them down for scrap. That's been about the extent of it.

    Meanwhile, Ole Crazy Eyes continues to exhibit an astonishing ability to twist a few scraps of facts into wild fantasies. I got an email from her (asking for money, of course) that said Gov. Rick Perry allowed illegals to pay in-state tuition.

    Did you know the Governor of Texas – basically a figurehead for a legislature that meets every other year – had such power?

  • comrad_darkness

    >Why would we reward a communist brutal dictator who continually represses his people?

    Yes, why do we do business with China, anyway?

    • __kth__

      Nixon declared them not-communist, so they don't count.

      • DahBoner

        The Kiss of Nixon…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Not so far from here
    There's a very lively atmosphere
    Ev'rybody's going there this year
    And there's a reason
    The season opened last July
    Ever since the U.S.A. went dry
    Ev'rybody's going there and I'm going, too
    I'm on my way to
    Cuba, there's where I'm going
    Cuba, there's where I'll stay

    Cuba, where wine is flowing
    And where dark-eyed Stellas
    Light their fellers' Panatellas

    Cuba, where all is happy
    Cuba, where all is gay

    Why don't you plan a
    Wonderful trip
    To Havana?
    Hop on a ship
    And I'll see you in
    C U B A!

    • charlesdegoal

      No need for it now that you can get soused at Stardust or Burger King.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Go tell it to all the Brits, Canadians, Germans and Israelis lying around on the beach at Varadero.

  • CapnFatback

    Starting @ :50, watch in wonder as Bachman realizes that she doesn't remember all four countries that are designated state sponsors of terror.

    Counting up to four must hurt her more than one of Marcus's "self-flagellation into heterosexuality" drills.

    • That's easy! North Korea, Iran, Syria and Arizona*.
      * if you're brown

  • GorzoTheMighty

    This is good news for Commandante Camilo Cienfuegos!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Obviously, she hasn't been lulled into complacency by the soothing strains of the Buena Vista Social Club.

  • smitallica

    I did some research on this issue on the Internet and at the library, and I came to a very important conclusion:

    Oh will you just shut the fuck UP, you ignorant cunt?!?!

  • Goonemeritus

    When I think of organizations that could export lethal long range missile technology Hezbollah is right up there with Salvation Army & Ben and Jerry’s.

    • northernbassist

      Ben and Jerry's is exporting 'Amerinosecone Dream?'

  • mumbly_joe

    I never quite understand why Hezbollah was the go-to right-wing proxy for the International Muslim Conspiracy. Aren't they, like, an insanely localized group whose objectives are exclusively focused on Syria, Lebanon, and Israel/Palestine? Why exactly makes Latin America an appealing place to pretend Hezbollah's interested in? Are Right-wingers seriously basing these claims on the fact that they think Arabs and Latinos are basically the same complexion of brown?

    • SorosBot

      All the designated Bad Guys must be working together, even when they share no common interests and are really disinterested in or even hate (like Iran and pre-invasion Iraq) each other.

      They keep going to Hezbollah because, unlike Muslim terrorist groups (and of course they'll pretend non-Muslim terrorist groups don't exist) that might threaten the US, they receive support from some Arab states, therefore they can accuse those states of supporting terrorists, even though they have never threatened the US.

      • mumbly_joe

        I suppose that makes some sense. My initial intuition was that she's merely trying to scare elderly Jews as much as possible, with a Cuban Missile Crisis, only with Arabs, but then I remembered that wingnuts also tried to claim that "illegals", (i.e, refugees from the de facto civil war in Mexico) were secret Hezbollahs also, even though that makes no sense whatsoever, and therefore Complete the Danged Fence.

    • charlesdegoal

      Probably has to do with their scary name, which conjures up "balling," "his balls" and, by extension, Ben and Jerry.

    • Chichikovovich

      Well, there are a lot of Muslims in Paraguay – some who fled after 1948 and others who fled the Lebanese civil war of the 70s and 80s. And there is a Hezbollah satellite group that has set up shop in the region with the overlapping Argentina/Paraguay/Brazil border. But I have the impression that is more of a money-pump smuggling operation than a "terrorist camp", but it seems to perform both functions. And Iran/Hezbollah were pretty clearly responsible for the 1994 bombing of a Jewish community centre in Buenos Aires that killed eight-five people and injured over 300. So, yeah, it's not just fantasy to worry about this.


      Hezbollah bombed a Jewish Mutual Institution in Buenos Aires, 1994, killing 85 people.

    • Doktor Zoom

      I think it's because they're all members of COBRA.

    • Because denouncing Hugo Chavez as a socialist only appeals to about 20% of Americans, but call him a terrorist, and you've upped it to about 50%.

      Next up, Hugo Chavez is trying to build nuclear weapons!

      • chicken_thief

        And if you connect Hugo Chavez, terrorist, and Sean Penn it goes up to about 70%, but still far short of the 90% when Hugo Chavez, terrorist, Sean Penn, and book to Obama are linked.

    • PalinzADummy

      I thought you knew that the basic weapon in the Wingnut Arsenal was the fungibility of Teh Culludz

  • widestanceshakedown

    "There IS reports. . ."

    There is no reason to listen to anything coming from someone who says this.

    • Doktor Zoom

      their are to!

    • Chichikovovich

      Is that Minnebonics?

      • PalinzADummy


      • PalinzADummy

        Or Mahahaha, if you prefer.

        Big joke?

  • All fear the Islamopanic Fascist Communo Alliance, Wolverines.


    *I'm pretty sure she thought that Red Dawn was a documentary instead of an incredibly stupid and shitty movie written by guys who should know better (like the fact that Roosha would need a billion (slight exaggeration) transport planes and warships to even think about invading US America.)

    • Chichikovovich

      Ah, but the movie left out the most clever part: They invaded during the Super Bowl.

    • PalinzADummy

      I thought they could just swim over. Didn't Sarah Palin say she could see them from her doorstep or something?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Hatred as an element of the struggle; a relentless hatred of the enemy, impelling us over and beyond the natural limitations that [this wo]man is heir to and transforming h[er] into an effective, violent, selective and cold killing machine. Our soldiers must be thus; a people without hatred cannot vanquish a brutal enemy.
    —Che Guevara

    et tu, Michele?

  • lowaltflier

    I couldn’t even last 3 min. My ears are hurting. She said there are 4 countries that sponsor terrorism. And then she only names 2. What a stupid bitch.

    Oh! And I can’t wait to get my hands on a Cuban cigar.

    • DaRooster

      She can't just come out and announce, "America."

    • slithytoves

      I had a cuban cigar when I was studying in Germany – man that was good. Wait, what were we talking about?

    • Chichikovovich

      Cross the Canadian border by car, and the first 50 stores you see will have big signs saying "We sell Cuban Cigars".

    • proudgrampa

      OK, don't wanna burst anyone's bubble, but Cubans are highly overrated. In my opinion, there is nothing like a fine, hand-rolled Dominican.

      (Caribbean rent-boy jokes in 3.2.1…)

  • Barb

    After the debate, I was approached by a Cuban woman who said that Hez-BLAH gave her daughter mental retardation.

    • Major Thom

      Was it Michele's madre?

  • BklynIlluminati

    She needs a Cuban cigar the ol' Clinton way

  • DaRooster

    OT-My Dad told me when he was in communications in the Navy he was stationed off Florida near Cuba. When I asked what he did he said,"I could tell ya… but I'd have to kill ya." That was the first time I had heard that fairly common saying/joke… but I was about 9 so it kinda freaked me out.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I've got my own filter on that saying; when people ask what I do for the Air Force, I tell them "I could tell you, but I'd have to bore you to death."

      • PalinzADummy

        Works well for any kind of rarefied technical specialty. God knows I've stopped attending any kind of social event because it always takes about 2 minutes for some doof to ask me what I used to do for a living and about 20 seconds for their eyes to glaze over when I tell them.

    • mereoblivion

      Jeez, sounds like something out of PEEPING TOM (Michael Powell, 1960). Did you recover?

      • DaRooster

        Oh yeah… once I heard it again… around 14 or so. But it has become a quite common phrase for me around the office… however it is all in the "look" while you say it.
        Another tip around the office- You don't have to look busy to be left alone… just look aggravated… it truly works.

        • Geminisunmars

          Works at home, too.

  • hagajim

    Nice Shelley….shameless south Florida pander. However, you might be a decade too late for that to work.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      She's just keeping her fear-mongering hand in with the retired Jewish community, who, after 50 years in the shadow of Castro's Cuba, are pretty jaded about it. Hence, bring in the Hezbollah-Iran connection. That will make those old cigar-smoking Coupe de Ville-driving Jewish guys with the plaid pants hiked up above their navel sit up and take notice.

      • GOPCrusher

        Michael, we're bigger than U.S. Steel.

    • chicken_thief

      That logic has prevented the current crop of Republicans from supporting any other idea from years gone by, whether it be the gold standard, ignoring infrastructure, jettisoning the EPA and Dept of Education, or lowering taxes causes a trickle down effect. In fact, it almost seems that the more archaic or easily provable that it won't work, the better they like it.


    The rant about China is even worse. And yes, there was no foreign debt with Reagan and it's all Obama's fault.

    • DaRooster

      I am so sick of this "Obama's Debt" shit… I try to tell people all the time- "You are fucking nuts if you think anyone could run us into the ground in a year and a half!" I like to show 'em this-

      • Radiotherapy®

        Look at you with all your fancy NYT's, state-controlled media, charts and grafts and such. What about freedumz and liberty?



  • Mojopo

    She failed at Choot-spa so now she's trying to appeal to old Jewish people in another way.

    Everyone should wonder how in the hell this woman, who obviously hates the English language and anything to do with reality, got a seat on a US intelligence committee. If any committee should have an IQ exam as a condition of membership, you would THINK it might be this one. But NO.

    • DahBoner

      "Everyone should wonder how in the hell this woman, who obviously hates the English language and anything to do with reality, got a seat on a US intelligence committee."

      Whatever she says, they do the exact opposite?

    • zhubajie

      Maybe it's the Low Intelligence Committee!

  • DaRooster


    See that's what happens when you start doing away with all regulations… food workers stop washing their hands and you have a Hezbollah outbreak.
    Save the EPA!!

  • MozakiBlocks

    My fellow Wonketeers, tis very simple once you realize that the words Hezbollah and lesbian sound the same to Michele ( least the first couple of syllables). She's actually afraid of militant women with short haircuts and comfortable shoes invading our shores and trapping her in the public bathroom at the beach.

    • Duly_Noted

      And the flannel shirts. You can't forget the flannel shirts.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Easier to hide the suicide bomb.

    • Chichikovovich

      I think I heard that Lezbollah was going to perform at this year's Michigan Womyn's Music Festival.

  • Limeylizzie
    • __kth__

      swee-dee-dee; she linked to wonkette (and to the home page, not to one of her butt-secks items)

      • mayor_quimby

        She did mention sugar daddies, maybe that was a subtle reminder of how certain people got famous by letting older, powerful(ish) men assfuck them.

        • chicken_thief

          Are you referring to her?! Come on, now, don't get my hopes up. She is, in my book, immanently fuckable, in any orifice.

          • mayor_quimby

            Oh no, I was referring to Washingtonienne, a part of ancient Wonkette history.
            But yes, she is cute, the red hair works for me.

    • Mojopo


    • fuflans

      well. good on you ana marie cox.

    • PalinzADummy

      "Administrate"? No point in reading any further.

  • What does She1ey think of her home state bordering that socialist paradise of Wisconsin the Soviet of Canada? Michele, you don't have to go to Florida for terror, from your porch you can see missile launchers that shoot northern pike.

  • El Pinche

    Even crazy psychos have french tips.

    • DahBoner

      French Tip: Plant your Bordeaux early this year…

    • PalinzADummy

      What's a french tip? "Eat the brie"?

  • Duly_Noted

    Do you think this is not so much a presidential campaign as a piece of performance art? Admittedly not as much fun as Karen Finley, but just as compelling in it's own peculiar way.

    • PalinzADummy

      I'd pay a lot more to see MishMash stuff a tuber up her arse than I would to hear her nasal whine.

  • baconzgood

    Cuba=bad commies. China=Good commies. I hope this helps.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Let's be honest, the Chinese are more capitalistic than the Americans are. They're just really quiet about it.

      • DahBoner

        Whatchoo talkin' about Round Eyes?

        The majority of Chinese are peasants who make less than a couple bucks a day…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    The reviews of Michele's version of "The Vagina Monologues" are simply scathing.

    • Her work lacked teeth.

      • Chichikovovich

        Well, the *Monologues* lacked teeth.

    • SayItWithWookies

      I like the title though — how could you not buy tickets to a show called "The Twatwaffle Derailments?"

  • DashboardBuddha

    Jesus wept.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Bitter tears.

    • __kth__

      Quite the contrary; to paraphrase Bob Dylan, the split in his side is from laughter.

  • Environmentalists are quite concerned that opening Cuba up to US tourism will trash it's fragile and unique ecosystems. I'd think she'd be in favor of that.

  • philpjfry

    What in the sweet name of all that is holy, is this woman talking about? "I sit on the intelegence committee and there are four countries the US does trade with, Cuba,and Iran is another….." What did she forget the other two? We trade with VietNam for Christs sake! Cuba sponsers terrorism? Since when? This woman is too stupid for words, but unbelievably dumb fucking cow with her head up her ass comes close.

  • "I have been told that Hummus, Baklava, and Feta have been operating within striking distance of mosques, synagogues and Greektown, right here on American soil!!"

  • James Michael Curley

    Since all she's got left is to draw attention to herself, a la Sarah, can someone tell them to jump up and down, yell look at me and rip open their blouses?

  • Mahousu

    Michele is right that up until now, our policies toward Cuba and toward Palestine have been equally logical, and equally effective.

    • chicken_thief

      But just because we have Messikuns, Muslins, and the geyhs to hate doesn't mean I want to give up hating them Hezzbollahz and Cubans.

  • OT

    Congress is peeing all over itself in pride and joy on how they valiantly saved "Murica once again from the horror of self-inflicted goobermint shut down. The House whips are preparing a bill that will grant all members of Congress Medals of Honor(arium) for their valor.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    The commie, Islamic terrorist atheists are coming to get us. It all makes sense now.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Michele, honey — that thing Carmen Miranda wore on her head was not a turban. And you know how they would pronounce 'jihad' in Cuba? Hihad. It's ridiculous. Just go back to sending your friends warnings about how if they flash their headlights at a car with its lights out, they'll get murdered in a gang initiation, okay? You spread less confusion that way.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "if they flash their headlights at a car with its lights out, they'll get murdered in a gang initiation"

      Wow, thanks for the heads-up, Wooks.

      • SayItWithWookies

        Also, those press-on tattoos? They're acid!

        • PalinzADummy

          Will you get high if you lick 'em?

    • mayor_quimby

      I barely avoided getting murdered twice last week in just that way. It was terrifying!
      Damn urban thugs, always trying to kill you.

    • SorosBot

      And be on the lookout for someone who plans on drugging you and stealing your kidneys!

  • Redhead

    Well if Fox News can move Egypt, I'm sure they can raise zombie Castro from the dead to start leading Iran.

    • SorosBot

      'E's not dead yet!

      • Chichikovovich

        "I feel happy, I feel happy…."

      • Redhead

        Are you suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure? When's the last time anyone actually saw him? Sounds like a conspiracy to me – someone get Beck on this (for once, he might actually be right about it having connections to socialism!)

  • mavenmaven

    A whole lot of interjecting going on…

  • NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    Michele Bachmann should not accept calls from David Horowitz
    Michele Bachmann should not accept calls from Pamela Geller

    • PalinzADummy

      Michele Bachmann should not listen to all the voices in her head.

  • Beetagger

    If I were her, I'd just fuck Marilyn Monroe and get over it.

  • orygoon

    90 miles offshore? No, they have come to stalk Michele in public bathrooms, wherever she goes.

  • If I were her I'd be way more worried about the fact that the Gheyz seem to have placed a sleeper cell within her master bedroom (masturbate room?).

  • MIchele has been swimming if the Bay of Pigs for too long.

  • genxr

    Loooooocy… You got a lot a splainin' to do….

  • owhatever

    Oh, it is music to my ears when this Bachmann lady speaks. Particularly when I am stoned, for her words float around independently like little planets in my brain and mix and match. Logic be damned. You GO, Michele.

    • PalinzADummy

      Thanks for the reminder. (lights up)

      OK, Michele, I'm ready for ya now, baby. Do your worst!

  • PubOption

    Why does she want to saddle on a presidential candidate? Is there some strange perversion here?

  • metamarcisf

    Marcus is THIS CLOSE to taking Pat Robertson's advice.

  • DahBoner

    "Castro has been in charge of Cuba since the revolution in 1959"

    And all the Filthy Rich Cubans who came here didn't love freedom or America or Democracy.

    They just loved a different dictator, and their "boy" got his ass kicked by the poor people…

  • ttommyunger

    Let's see: Iran, Syria, Palestine, Yemen, Al Qaida, Socialism, Communism, teh gheys, Obammer, Over-Regulation; so many things to be afraid of, so little time.

  • poncho_pilot

    I walked along the avenue.
    I never thought I'd meet a girl like you;
    Meet a girl like you.
    With auburn hair and Manson eyes;
    The kind of eyes that hypnotize the loons;
    now they hate love the jews.

    And Iran, Iran's so far away.
    Iran, Iran–all night and day.
    but not far from Gitmo Bay.

  • Ok, seriously, I am confused! How does our re-opening trade relations with Cuba, (no matter who's in charge there), give access to Hezbollah for missile sites? Is the US suddenly a trading partner with Hezbollah and Iran?

    Oh, if the answer to my confusion is in the video, sorry, but I just could not bring myself to watch it.

  • fuflans

    what IS marcus doing with her make-up? is she wearing false eyelashes?

  • SenileAgitation

    Christ, that profile! She looks like Pinocchio with a weaker chin.

  • SenileAgitation

    I'm grateful to hear that teleprompters will not be a feature of a Bachmann White House. Coherent communication is for elite losers! She goes ape displaying her magnificent lack of understanding about how the world works before insisting that our country needs someone unafraid of TuffChoices™ and implying that the very person to tackle all the complexities we face (not Blackie, no worries) is ..herself. It's like Dick Cheney's searching high and low only to discover that the perfect VP candidate was right under his taint all along. OK, it's not.

  • PalinzADummy

    Jesus Christ, how did anybody sit through this? Caaaamyunist countries … bla bla … terrrr … bla bla …

    She even manages to turn "Barack," which means "Blessing," into something abominable. Does she have really bad adenoids or something?

  • BZ1

    Cuba is East Palestine…

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