wonkette on the streets

Michael Moore and the Granny Peace Squad Occupy Wall Street

Granny Peace Squad!Hello friends! Your Occupy Wall Street correspondent spent the day familiarizing himself with the park-dwelling lifestyle (pro tip: poop at McDonald’s, not in your pants) and meeting the treacherous peaceniks that he will be spending an entire week with. Did you know that these “disorganized, godless pixies” are actually extremely intelligent and highly organized, and that they have a kitchen that serves three meals a day and a medical station that offers free medical assistance and a library with free book-learnin’? (A place where you can borrow books for reading, but no Netflix overnight shipping depot? Ha ha, just another example of “pantomime progressivism”!) Anyway, nobody got arrested today (as of 8:30pm), but there were lots of hot celebrities such as Michael Moore. And the Granny Peace Squad came and helped ruin America with us. You probably already know about the Granny Peace Squad, but are you familiar with Michael Moore? He is an old woman who wears a trashbag and talks smack about the 5-0. Videos after the jump!

Here are some righteous elders (the self-described “Granny Peace Squad”) telling a Fox News teevee crew that they’re not afraid of getting curb-stomped by the cops, even though they’re very fragile:

Oh right, and then Michael Moore showed up. And a bunch of cops. And everyone went bonkers:

Okay our computer is about to explode, from lack of batteries, so we will sign off for now. During the night hours before Tuesday dawn, we will document the process known as “sleeping on your mother’s yoga mat in a park full of Bohemians.”

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About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman

Hola wonkerados.

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196 comments

    1. Terry

      They also have power over the cops that no one else has. They're sweet little old ladies. Any manhandling or even harsh language looks like severe abuse. When the cops show up, the ladies should walk right up to them.

        1. PalinzADummy

          Is *that* how it works? Well, fuck that, I'm not getting out of bed early just to get a bigger p-ness.

        1. DashboardBuddha

          like April showers bring May flowers, panting Briebarts bring de-pantsing Brietbarts.

          Ok…I just made myself a little sick.

        1. PalinzADummy

          That's Sarah Palin, right? Riley, you'll be fine if you tie a pair of moose antlers to your behind. ttommyunger says we can use them to pull you to safety.

      1. sezme

        I think I saw Riley at the food court, eating a sandwich! Oh sorry, that was Elvis. Still, it's nice to see Riley here again.

      1. NYNYNYjr

        I picked up my bag, I went looking for a place to hide
        When I saw Riley and the Devil walking side by side
        They were going to McDonalds to poop

  1. MissusBarry

    I wish I had a grandma like that. Alas, I am grandma-less. And my parents are republicans. *Head sags in shame.*

      1. MissusBarry

        Thanks, Barb! They're not bad people, they just haven't realized that by today's standards, Ike was a commie.

          1. Lascauxcaveman

            So many olde people these days are Republican voters just due to a combination of inertia and ignorance. It's like brand loyalty; they've always chosen brand X over brand Y, and they're not about to change, even though the latest double-blind study shows that brand X causes cancer.

            I've been chipping away over the last few years at my poor old mom, pointing out all the examples of her darling Reps savaging her old cloth-coat main street values and she's become quietly apolitical lately. I remember joking with my sister a few years ago "If we could only get her to stop voting," and I may have finally succeeded.

          2. Ken Layne

            Remember that when you see an "old Republican" teabagger today, you're looking at someone who was young in the 1960s — someone who was in favor of segregation by race, the firebombing of rice farmers half a world away, and the murder of American protesters by state militias. These were the same downsized factory proles and uptight "small businessmen" who then embraced Ronald Reagan and the "Moral Majority" and cheered every bully attack on some harmless country full of brown people who looked at us the wrong way.

            I know there are Oldz who "became conservative" in middle age, but they're far outnumbered by people who have simply been ignorant assholes their entire lives.

          3. horsedreamer_1

            The only Young Republicans who move left are those who were social conservatives who ended up coming out — does not apply to the Log Cabin, as they are money, money, money obsessed and could give a rat's ass about abortion — or Fountainhead geeks who realized that left-wing pussy is better. Or so has been the case, in my experience. And, oh yeah, big ups to BL and drezdn, the two exemplars of the Right gone Left.

          4. BerkeleyBear

            Yeah, my mom is basically a dem now (pro gay rights, pro taxes on the rich, pro racial justice (albeit with some racial perception issues that are cringeworthy), but she has to be verrrrrry quiet about it since my father has shifted even further right as he ages. I think he might be a Paulite, since he's an atheist who thinks the government can't do shit right even as he cashes his SS check.

          5. PalinzADummy

            Good onya, Caveman! My in-laws quit the Republican party after Bush was elected. He horrified their very staid conservative values. I b'leev they voted for Obama, but they swore they would never vote for another Republican.

          6. Dashboard_Jesus

            WIN for "inertia and ignorance"…I'm sooo gonna use that in the many comments to be made on Red State in the coming year of hate and fear, otherwise known as republican Primary season

    1. DashboardBuddha

      Big hugs here…but if it helps any, you can bring them up the best you can, but in the end, parents have to make their own choices.

      1. MissusBarry

        Thanks, DBB! I've always lamented their lack of forward technological progress, but with all the god-awful things white septegenarians get into on the interwebs these days, perhaps I should count my lucky stars that they haven't figured out email or google. I do still have high hopes of teaching them how to check the missed call log on the cell phone I got them years ago, though, so they don't default to calling me and saying, "it rang and I couldn't find it in my jacket pocket fast enough, did you call?"

    2. BaldarTFlagass

      My 97-yo gramma just passed away back in July; she was a republican, but a Massachusetts Republican falls somewhere to the left of a Texas Democrat. 95-yo grampa just had a stroke and a heart attack a couple weeks ago but is hanging on like a cockroach; he voted Nader in 2000 so there ya go. I converted my dad from being a Republican about 20 years ago; with the passion of the converted, he now hates Repubs with the heat of a thousand supernovas. So there is always hope. My mom just votes how my dad tells her, she's old fashioned that way…

      1. PalinzADummy

        Your family sounds like good people, Baldar.

        Now, MY mother always said Hitler was a great man because he made the trains run on time. Even after I pointed out to her that her brown ass would have been on a one-way trip to Auschwitz, if Hitler ever got his hands on it.

        OTOH, Dad was an unregenerate socialist feminist who kept us all from going insane living with the She-Devil.

        1. tessiee

          "MY mother always said Hitler was a great man because he made the trains run on time"

          ???
          I thought that was Mussolini.

          1. PalinzADummy

            Given that the woman was batshit insane and in the habit of throwing knives and furniture, none of us was interested in discussing the issue.

        2. Dashboard_Jesus

          your mom is brown? is it a scary dark brown or one o' those lovely, creamy kinda browns, y'know the ones that let ya 'pass' for bein' I-talian? (hey I thought Hitler loved the brown, ain't that the color of them Nazi brown shirts?)

          1. PalinzADummy

            Let's put it this way: she wouldn't pass the brown-paper-bag test. Brown enough to be recognizably Of Teh Brown Peeplez. Dad was lighter in colour, so the sprogs all came out different shades of brown, which is how life is among Teh Cullud Peeplez.

            I'm pretty sure the Nazis would not have been overly considerate of Mama's tender sensibilities.

          2. Dashboard_Jesus

            It sounds lovely, hell all I got (from GAWD apparently?) was this pasty white skin passed down from my poor Irish ancestors who apparently were TOO poor to afford just a little melanin…and for my ntire life the best I can do to change it is to let the mean old Sun (of Gawd?) turn my white skin a gay shade of pink when I dare to spend more than 15 minutes under It's cruel rays of death…alas that is my cross to burn…I mean BEAR in this life, the lonely existence of a PINK 'Merkan (oh the humanity!)

      2. Dashboard_Jesus

        awesome, BOTH of your parents deserve big hugs for that…"hates Repugs with the heat od a thousand supernovas" is a great state of being, keeps one warm and cozy during the cold months (years) too!

    3. AxmxZ

      I’m lucky, I have 3 grandparents like that. 1 grandparent wears a tricorne with tea bags dangling from it. Still, 3 out of 4. Yay!

  2. x111e7thst

    Doesn't anyone down there know how to tap a streetlight for power to run a charging station? Go up to Tompkins Square Park, one of the gutter punks camping out there will show you how for $5.

  3. finallyhappy

    I'm probably 15 years(10?) younger than the grannies- hopefully in 10 years, I 'll feel healthy enough to still be protesting. But sleeping in the park- no.

  4. Spurning Beer

    The Occupiers need some sort of angle to draw more media attention, but what? Nudity? No, not with Michael Moore in the mix, or the grannies. They're too ambulatory for scooters, and explicitly nonviolent. Something with money, maybe. How about a toilet in a prominent place as a symbolic drop-box into which attendees and passer-by can drop dollar bills, with the proceeds to be donated to indigent medical care, or abortions or something?

    Americans like money.

    1. charlesdegoal

      How about throwing money on the floor of the NYSE. It's been done before and they have taken steps to prevent it, but be inventive!

        1. Ken Layne

          Jesus, I've never *seen* The Magic Christian, somehow. I did read the Terry Southern book, but the movie looks wildly different than I imagined. It also sounds a lot like A Singular Man, the great/insane JP Donleavy novel.

          Okay, I am done editing Riley for the afternoon, time to go watch this movie if it's on the Netflix.

          1. BaldarTFlagass

            It's worth the effort. Book was set in the US, movie in England; I read the book after seeing the film and liked the movie better (which is usually but not always the case for me).

        2. Chet Kincaid

          When I was In Junior High School in inner city Cleveland round about '72-'73, they were still showing movies in the auditorium at lunchtime, one reel a day. I vividly recall seeing that very final reel one of those lunch hours. I have no idea what the Cleveland school system was thinking (they weren't thinking, just slinging a reel of literal shit into a ghetto school), but it's hard to imagine that happening just 8 or 10 years later.

          1. BaldarTFlagass

            THAT is truly amazing. Obviously, no effort at pre-screening was made; "Hey, this oughta be ok to show, it's about Christians, right?"

  5. arihaya

    if the Grannies aren't coming with Rascals, misspelled signs and Gadsden Flags, our lamestream media aren't going to even notice it

    1. tessiee

      As a general rule, when somebody has to unbuckle their belt to show you their tits, it's probably not a good thing.

  6. MildMidwesterner

    "There were lots of hot celebrities such as Michael Moore."

    "Hot" is not an adjective frequently associated with Michael Moore, unless it is purely a descriptor of his body temperature after climbing a set of stairs.

  7. charlesdegoal

    In he sixties we used to go to demonstrations in the faint hope of getting laid. And it often happened! The girls were mostly Jewish and a lot more attractive than your grannies and Michael Moore, though to each his own. We Shall Overcome!

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      "The girls were mostly Jewish and a lot more attractive than your grannies"

      Not sure how to break this to you, but those grannies are the very same Jewish girls you were trying to screw back in the 60s, Chuck.

    2. Ken Layne

      I think it would take a combination of 50 literary agents and an LCD Soundsystem reunion and a Bravo-televised awards ceremony for "best cooking Tumblr" and "best Brooklyn knitting blog" and an N+1 hosted bar to get a crowd of hot educated young ladies to turn out in New York today. (This is also how to get the hot educated young men to leave their cable teevee apartment.)

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        See, I don't know what any of that means. Guess I'll have to continue to settle for being the Sugar Daddy for the 30-yo naive chick from Omaha with daddy issues. Could be worse, I reckon.

  8. ManchuCandidate

    Silly Riley. If they were extremely intelligent then they'd be selling junk bonds to pension funds, designing gold plated killbot weaponry to kill browns or making boner pills because that's what intelligent people do in US America. Of course if they were really stupid, they'd join the Teabaggers or end up on "reality" TeeVee.

  9. Negropolis

    I'd like to see the cops try, just try, and pepper spray these blue hairs and see the unholy public release against them. lol

    BTW, can't we subway in some black-and-browns from Harlem and the Bronx and some hipsters in from Park Slope, or something? 'Cause I'm really wondering if those down there at the moment are mostly from outside the region or New Yorkers; whatever they are, the numbers need to grow and there is more than enough folks in the area to project greater (numerical) force.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      If they do mace the fuck out of these tough old broads, somewhere a Republican debate has its next major applause line.

      "Do you approve of tear gassing our senior protesters to the point of anaphylaxis?" "ROAR – CHOKE CHOKE CHOKE LET EM DIE!!!!!"

      1. Negropolis

        These fuckers are so sick they'd probably instinctively and reflexively cheer the crucifixtion of their Lord and Savior if given the chance.

    2. Limeylizzie

      I can be subwayed in from Harlem and my neighbour, the wonderful Miss Patricia, did yell at me , as I was leaving the other day, "What's up my nigga" does that help?

    3. tessiee

      "I'm really wondering if those down there at the moment are mostly from outside the region"

      Outside agitators?

  10. Nothingisamiss

    Riley! It's so good to see you! Try not to become too violent. I saw a clip of "you people" on Fox news and it looked like the dirty grannie hippies were RIOTING. The police with shields and pepper spray looked outnumbered and peaceful.

    Yay Riley!

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      No doubt Fox has some stock Paris 1968 footage lying around that they can re-label as "Violent Commie Grannies" or something. Probably with the Stones' "Street Fighting Man" playing in the background.

  11. BlueStateLibel

    Stay safe, Riley, although you're probably the safest you'll ever be from the caresses of Andrew Breitbart than ever – the smell of peace and justice in the air must be like kryptonite to him.

  12. Goonemeritus

    I look forward to the Fox broadcast of the protest, I predict they will show footage of the Granny’s overturning police cruisers and setting fire to American flags with kittens soaked in gasoline.

    1. Radiotherapy®

      Then, Steve Douchey will point out that this is how the Left always acts: using violent Alinsky techniques.

  13. baconzgood

    I wish those were my grandmas. Mine only macromed, baked pizzelles and were domestically abused by drunken irish men. (wiping dear from an eye) You just don't have Thanksgivings like that any more….

    1. Terry

      I never knew my grandmothers. Both had hard lives in immigrant housing (a mill town tenement and a dirty coal mining village in the mountains), raising their families the best they could during the Depression. Mom's family gave thanks for the United Mine Workers at Grace every dinner and knew that every human should be treated with respect and not die on the job. Dad's family went through extreme poverty, years of unemployment with closed mills, and still held together and viewed school not only as a way out of the tenement but as a means becoming an Educated Man or Educated Woman, a goal in itself.

      I thank God for my grandparents' strength and what they gave me via my folks and wish I could have known them.

      1. baconzgood

        I was the first person in my family to go to a respected college and next to my sister the first one to get a Masters. I had trouble reading, and still can't spell or do grammer worth piss, as a child so it was very important that I learn. Funny, except for, math, science, and lit. I barely passed High School. I got a great score on my SAT's. Guess I just test (cheat) well.

        1. PalinzADummy

          Isn't that odd? I have mild dyslexia, which is why I'm such a nitpicker about spelling; although it mostly expresses itself in a terrible sense of direction and a complete inability to tell my right from my left (passengers in my car are always screaming "The OTHER left! The OTHER left!"). I've always done much better in tests than I thought I did, and I'll never understand why because the mere mention of testing causes me muscular cramps and bizarre ailments, all of which vanish mysteriously as soon as the test is over.

          I wish I was you.

          1. ProudLibunatic

            I also have a right/left thing. When I was learning square dancing in high school (my boyfriend was an awesome square dancer), the teacher had to mark my hands "L" and "R" with a big red magic marker. It was a disaster.

            You are not alone!

  14. johnnyzhivago

    Re: Grannies…

    The two grannies around here – one listens to Beck/Fox and believes Obama is the reincarnation of Hitler – the other voted for Obama because she likes Michelle's fashion sense.

    1. MozakiBlocks

      Keeping Michelle with two LLs as FLOTUS may indeed be what saves Barry.

      And both of my grandmother's would have given the police "the what for and who with" but good.

  15. Negropolis

    Hmm…who the devil are the kidz into, these days. Justin Bieber. Nevermind that he's Canadian, get that little lesbian down there, stat, and find a camera. The rest will take care of itself. Oh, and add Snooki for good measure. Also.

    1. SorosBot

      That Miley Cyrus has already pissed off her crazed fundamentalist dad by publicly supporting gay marriage, maybe she could support these protests as part of her rebellion too.

      1. Negropolis

        No, not to entertain this existing crowd (they'd eat him a live), just something to pull in some more warm bodies to make the crowd look bigger. You know, fillers/extras.

  16. SorosBot

    Hopefully the cops won't be assaulting the peaceful protesters anymore because their superiors have reminded them that it's really bad for PR the wrong thing to do.

      1. tessiee

        Old joke:
        Q: What's the difference between an electric typewriter and Ronnie Raygun?
        A: The typewriter has a colon and a memory.

  17. CapnFatback

    they have a kitchen that serves three meals a day and a medical station that offers free medical assistance and a library with free book-learnin’?

    Just as I suspected; the grannies are flooding Wall Street with copies of And Tango Makes Three to promote the socialist homo-granny-penguin agenda.

  18. prommie

    I heard Nancy Grace's nipples are as big as manhole covers; apparently she threw one out there before the cameras, knowing its her last best chance to stay alive on DWTS.

    1. Negropolis

      You know, I said in the other thread showing her in her dance dress that god help the audience present when she would experience a wardrobe malfunction, because she'd surely take out at least the front row with one of those things.

    2. ttommyunger

      I think the manhole reference was the fact that they had to slide her over one to get her back on her feet after she slipped and fell during rehearsal.

  19. SudsMcKenzie

    " actually extremely intelligent and highly organized, and that they have a kitchen that serves three meals a day and a medical station that offers free medical assistance"

    meh, we did that in WI last winter.

    cheerio

  20. Mumbletypeg

    OT but that Google Doodle on today's homepage sports granny-wallpaper like I haven't seen since I was trying to peel such stuff from my own house's walls (a job still unfinished). What this is supposed to signify, Google being a mere 'thirteen', is beyond me; although 1998 did see "That 70s show" making waves, as well as, um, "Oz."

    1. SorosBot

      And yet, none of the teabagger rallies had large numbers of people (hell, many were only in the double digites), prominent people, a great disruption or any objective beyond "we no like darkie in White House", and they got constant coverage.

  21. BaldarTFlagass

    Did Hendrix come out and play the Star Spangled Banner at sunrise this morning? Or was Sha Na Na still on stage?

    1. Negropolis

      I think it was Amy Winehouse (stumbling through a drunken-but-wickedly-soulful renndition of God Save the Queen, for some odd reason), while Nirvana was still on stage…

  22. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Do I sense a business opportunity here? Protests like Wisconsin and Occupy are probably just going to get more and more common especially if the Republicans makes some gains this next election *shudder*. Seems like a meals-on-wheels/medical station that features organic food and herbal pepper spray remedies will be very much in demand as our country goes down the tubes.

  23. BaldarTFlagass

    "(pro tip: poop at McDonald’s, not in your pants)"

    Riley, I hope this tip is a priori and intuitive, rather than based on a posteriori, empirical evidence.

    1. tessiee

      ""poop at McDonald’s, not in your pants)" … I hope this tip is a priori and intuitive, rather than based on a posteriori"

      Wouldn't poop comments be, by definition, a posteriori?

  24. Limeylizzie

    OK NYC Wonketteers, my cold will be better by tomorrow, so I am going downtown to join the merry band, anyone else up for that?

        1. wondering where i am

          I'm more the Helen Mirren type (ha, ha, I wish). I have long gray blonde hair, but will not be wearing yellow like the grannies. Yellow is a bad color for the silver-haired.

          1. Limeylizzie

            Golden yellow is one of my best colours, but I will not be wearing that. Maybe we should wear a “W” for Wonkette badge or sign or something.

          2. Guppy06

            I'm not sure the letter "W" would be well-received in that crowd.

            Might I suggest carrying around a bottle of gin?

    1. NeonTrotsky

      I am still going to work during the day but I am there on weekends and nights. I met Riley last night! I'm a bearded guy with shaggy hair, so yeah, good luck picking me out of the crowd.

    2. HistoriCat

      Someone has to protect young Riley! Who knows what other things that poor boy might be exposed to out there on the mean streets of New York.

    3. Ken Layne

      Beloved Wonkette commenter KenLayIsAlive has been there on and off all week. I have a batch of photos from him that I need to post. I think he's still there!

          1. PalinzADummy

            You did not just say that, Lizzie, Queen of my Heart! OMG. The first woman I ever loved always dabbed on a tiny bit of Rochas for a night out. If I wasn't already madly in love with you, I'd have to fall for you now.

            Amazing. I can almost smell it.

  25. Mojopo

    Our grannies are healthier. Not one of them was riding a scooter. A clean conscience keeps a lady young at heart.

    1. PalinzADummy

      My granny lived to be 96 and always maintained that it was hard work that kept her young. Chopped her own firewood and drew her own water from the well to a ripe old age.

  26. DahBoner

    I agree with Randi Rhoades. They're in the wrong place.

    Wall Street Banksters don't give a shit about angry peasants.

    They should be occupying the offices and hallways of every Republican congressman/woman/critter.

    MAKE THEIR LIVES A LIVING HELL BY GETTING IN THE WAY OF THEIR BAG BOYS!

    That's when they get upset.

    When the supply of brown paper bags with money in it is halted…

  27. PalinzADummy

    Oh, Riley Waggaman! You are SO cute when you're mad.

    Also, thanks for documenting this. You are so brave! And thanks to your Mom for lending her Yoga mat to defeat Teh Powers of Evil.

  28. fitley

    i don't think anybody appreciates the incredible amount of self-control the cops are forced to display by not tasering Michael Moore's nutsack. It has to be excruciating.

  29. marinmaven

    Recently I went to Dining with Democrats in Marin County where they honored the Mill Valley Seniors for Peace. Eighty to ninety year olds get out there and protest war more than the twenty year olds do. I hope when I am eighty or ninety I will be seen with a gas mask and wearing tie dye protesting the man and the senseless wars he wages.

Comments are closed.