classic jokes from 2009

Rick Scott Tells Obama Teleprompter Joke He Read Off Teleprompter

Lame jokes will not make your hair grow back, Rick Scott. It doesn't work that way.Remember how every Republican and self-serious political journalist in America afew years ago had a mysterious collective aneurysm over their “discovery” that fraud wizard Barack Obama reads off a teleprompter to deliver speeches, just like every other politician has done since the invention of teleprompters? Ha ha, a literate Negro, that is a great joke to Republicans! Florida slob king Rick Scott still gets a chuckle when he thinks about it. Black people! Reading! That is a white guy’s job. Rick Scott will prove this important point by mocking Obama for reading off a teleprompter by, yes, reading his joke off a teleprompter. ZING!

TPM has the excerpt from Rick Scott’s speech to the Florida GOP P5 straw poll with a note that the transcript on the teleprompter apparently has the text of the joke underlined so Scott wouldn’t forget to emphasize the joke:

Good afternoon, and welcome to Presidency 5!

I have to admit, i was a little nervous When I looked out here.

i saw all the TV cameras and a teleprompter. I figured President Obama must be here – giving another speech about raising taxes!

Seriously, though, it’s great to see you all today.

HAR HAR we laughed so hard on that one. Rick Scott should go on a comedy tour. [TPM]

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  1. Barb

    Herman Cain won that Florida straw poll. Not since he managed to get the rats at Godfathers's pizza to wear hairnets has there been a prouder moment for him.

      1. PalinzADummy

        She sure is. I'm not gonna be able to eat a pizza again ever without thanking TPTB for making those tiny little rat hairnets.

    1. flamingpdog

      I must have a better class of rats in my neighborhood than in yours. Rats here wouldn't step foot in a Godfather's Pizza joint.

    2. Omophagist

      Cain wants to abolish the FDA because he believes it's unconstitutional and anti-American to limit the amount of rat feces allowable in the food-like substances his chain sells.

        1. Dudleydidwrong

          With more Vaseline it might be useful for something. Now they just run it through the horse twice and watch you wince.

      1. PalinzADummy

        If the President WAS a bong (which, incidentally, is a mildly mocking way of referring to people from Bengal), I would delight to inhale the burning pot that I would place in … WUT? Why is everybody staring at me?

    1. Mahousu

      Peeing in a cup was how they cast their ballots.

      Though I think peeing on the candidates themselves would have been a better method.

    1. bflrtsplk

      Irony? Rick Scott probably pays some illegal to do his irony. A little less starch on that smear tactic, amigo."

  2. Texan_Bulldog

    Other than the teleprompter & being black, these guys got nothing on Barry. I'm sure that pisses them off to no end.

    1. Sue4466

      But he said there's 57 states! that's as bad as anything anyone in the GOP has ever said. Apparently. Cause the righties bring it up all the time.

      1. Chichikovovich


        And then there was that time he said the police had acted "stupidly" when he admitted that he didn't know "all the facts" about the arrest of Gates – only the fact that a nearly 60 year old guy with no criminal record had been decoyed out of his own home and arrested on his own porch for nothing more than getting irritated at a police officer who wouldn't leave, even after said old guy had shown id demonstrating that it was, in fact, his house. [Something that, had it happened to a gun-packing tea partier, would have had a mob of Nathan Hale – costumed banshees at full division strength, camped out at the Cambridge police headquarters.]

        Oh, and that last remark, aimed at a handful of police officers, was disrespecting policemen from coast to coast, unlike trying to break their unions, cut their salaries and deny them bargaining rights, which is just helping them toward freedom.

      2. PalinzADummy

        Well … they got nuthin' else. You want them to STFU? Is that what it is, you Lib H8rs?

        They gotta go with what they got, man. That's just how they roll (and roll and roll and roll, straight into a pit filled with slime and ooze and other bent, burning, twisted fucks just like them).

        Oh, sorry, am I being a mite bitter again?

    2. Sparky_McGruff

      It's funny because he's black, and therefore stupid. Unlike Rick Perry, who is obviously a genius.

      Conservative Humor is essentially angry racist rants, that are only "funny" to angry racists. I can't think of any exceptions.

      1. HistoriCat

        Well, sometimes they take a break from the racism and throw in some sexism or homophobia, just to keep things fresh.

      2. PalinzADummy

        That's what the whole "teleprompter" wahwah is about. He's A NEAR! He can't possibly be intelligent, educated, and capable of crushing White Men verbally! It's gotta be a white man writing his speeches and feeding them to him on a machine, just like a white man wrote his books, 'cos everyone knows them darkies just do drugs and have hippity hop Negroes desecrate the WHITE House and get dubious sex from strange men in their drug-money-purchased limos.

  3. chicken_thief

    Needz more robocalls reading the teleprompted script of what a great fucking job – or great job fucking?! – he's doing in the nation's flaccid penis state.

  4. WhatTheHeck

    Did you hear the one about a bald, white, guy from Florida who wishes he had the intellect to match that of the sitting black president.

    I didn't either.

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    "I figured President Obama must be here – giving another speech about raising taxes!"

    This guy's a regular Bob Hope, he is.

    1. WhatTheHeck

      Yeah. Bob Hope actually gave up a lot of his time to entertain our military.
      This guy entertains thoughts of a superiority complex.

    2. Limeylizzie

      If you mean the guy that I saw , years ago, being wheeled down Park Avenue , actively drooling whilst the single gayest person I have ever seen was singing show tunes to him, well, then yes.

    3. horsedreamer_1

      Considering Bob Hope's derisive remark about my grandfather at a USO event where Grampa Dreamer sang for the assembled soldiers — Gramps was a Singin' Lieutenient — that "they need to get that Dago off the stage", I'd say Ol' Bob would be down with the Tea Party's race humor.

      1. PalinzADummy

        That is just disgusting. I never did like Bob Hope, and now I hate him, on behalf of your singing Grampa. What a creep.

        1. AJWjr.

          Perhaps coincidentally I more closely resemble Cousin It than I do Uncle Fester, but the avatar was appropriate to a post long ago, and now intense debate forgot my password so I can't change it.

  6. ManchuCandidate

    It's like finding honesty in your corrupt administration.
    It's a free ride when on the hardworking taxpayer dime.
    It's the good advice (like seriously shut the fuck up) that you just didn't take
    Who would've thought… it figures

  7. MittsHairHelmet

    Rick Scott seems like he isn't even trying down there… Put a little effort into being an idiot tea partier man.

      1. SorosBot

        That Ted Kennedy sure likes to drink!

        Maybe we should try to be as original as the Lenoian Republicans, and keep making jokes how Dan Quayle can't spell potato and Bob Dole speaks in the third person.

    1. El Pinche

      At lunch , I overheard an Obama-bashing lunch session between two wingnuts sitting behind me (grown men who drive cars!) . Add some Soros conspiracy , and that about summed it up.

  8. bflrtsplk

    I don't know which Star Wars or Star Trek character that is is next to the, ahem, Good Governor, but you do him a grave injustice posting his picture next to such a lowlife.

    1. Shellwith2Ls

      It's the big bad from Harry Potter, Lord Voldemort. Except that Voldemort is less creepy than Rick Scott.

  9. orygoon

    "(C)omedy tour."

    Look at your photo, dammit. That mug would make all the children cry! WHY DOES WONKETTE HATE THE KIDDIES!?

    1. PalinzADummy

      Why not? All the kiddies ever do is cry and whine … oh, wut? You say those are the teabaggers.

      All right then.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Classic principles of comedy: Justin Verlander is a great pitcher, so if I say "Justin Verlander is a terrible pitcher", it's a joke, right? And since Obama is actually a great speaker ex tempore, and has cut taxes rather than raised them, this is also a remark at which we laugh, and it gives us hearty pleasure.

  10. Beowoof

    Another instance where a Florida politican does not speak well of the people who elected him. I had thought that I would retire to Florida, now I will fly my Grandkids cross country to Disney Land before I darken the door of Florida every again. Not a single one of my liberal dollars will be spent in the place that elected this asshole.

    1. PalinzADummy

      Fool me once, shame … shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on … shame on … we can't get fooled again.

  11. Mumbletypeg

    Well there's at least one accomplishment I can credit Scott for. His boneheaded efforts and replicant-appeal make predecessor Jeb Bush look smart enough, even by conservatard standards, to have actually earned that doofus Republican-genius award.

    1. PalinzADummy

      Don't lend it to him, RENT it. With all those billions he ripped off of Social Security, he can afford to pay.

  12. Oblios_Cap

    Rick Scott is the embodiment of the Peter Principle. All that way back to the time that he opened his doughnut shop.

    1. RedneckMuslin

      The problem with traveling faster than the speed of light is that no one sees you coming. I think there is a similar problem with the Prius traveling faster than the speed of sound and nobody hears it coming.

    2. proudgrampa

      Wow. That would be very significant, if proven and verified.

      Maybe our jet backpacks are closer to reality than we realize!!

    3. fuflans

      and yet other parts of fermilab are shutting down due to lack of funding. (just to bring us back to baggers and their discontents).

      also can we see what happens if a bagger is fired through Fermilab’s Main Injector?

    4. ShaveTheWhales

      A quibble: Even if this turns out to be true (which would be really exciting for physicists), it oversimplifies the case to say "Einstein was wrong". Special Relativity has been verified to be correct within the range of measurement accuracy in thousands of separate experiments. If this result is reproduced and confirmed, it will lead to a new theory that will extend Special Relativity, just like Special Relativity extended Newton's "laws of motion". Using the term "wrong" (or "overturn", like the linked article does) misrepresents how scientific theories evolve as better data become available, and reinforces the yahoos' belief that scientists don't really know nuthin'.

      Also, too, I'll be waiting for independent confirmation before I get too excited. Measuring neutrino speed has to be nearly the trickiest thing to get right, since it has to be entirely statistical. This wouldn't be the first time that a completely reputable and competent experimental team thought they had seen anomalous results.

  13. flamingpdog

    I figured President Obama must be here – giving another speech about raising taxes.

    Barry would make me a lot happier if he would just give a speech about razing Texas!

    1. PalinzADummy

      But we'd lose all our Wonderful Wonketeerz who live there, pdog. I'm not sure I could face life without BaldarTFlagass' flagassed feverishness, or TexanBulldog or … hey, where are alla y'all, anyway?

      1. flamingpdog

        I have frenz in Texass, too, but they all live in or near Austin. If I was an omnipotent Barry, I would kick Texass out of the Union, but keep Austin, and run a West Berlin-airlift type of operation to keep the residents in food and drugs. Especially the latter.

        1. PalinzADummy

          According to the Asylum Street Spankers, they grow plenty of Texas Tea down around Austin, but I'm happy to pitch in and help keep Austinites in the state of consciousness they most long for.

  14. proudgrampa

    For the record, Harry Potter has defeated He Who Must Not Be Named. Now, if he could just wave a wand at this asshole Scott and make him disappear.

  15. owhatever

    Republicans heard the joke, laughed hahaha, then voted for the Pizza Negro who wants to turn Social Security over to the Chilieans, or put chili on his pizza or something.

  16. AJWjr.

    Black people! Reading! That is a white guy’s job.

    You know what else is a white guy's job, in this asshole's mind?

  17. smitallica

    Ha! Good one Rick! Now you should make a joke about the President's sagging approval ratings and prove even more that you're a fucking tool who lacks all self-awareness.

  18. Antispandex

    Duh! It's FUNNIER when white people act like racist pricks! And his comedy…spot on!…you know, if the speech was at a mental hospital. It was, wasn't it?

  19. JustPixelz

    Lemme give it a try…

    Good afternoon, and welcome to Presidency 5! When I saw all the reporters, I wasn't quite sure what to say. Then I saw the teleprompter. [pause for laughter]

    Good afternoon, and welcome to Presidency 5! When I saw all the reporters and a teleprompter loaded with Republican talking points, I thought I had stumbled into a Fox News studio. [pause for laughter].

    Good afternoon, and welcome to P5. Or as we call it in my administration "pee into the cup five times to get your unemployment insurance you lazy asswipes" [pause for laughter]

  20. Redhead

    Judging from the writing on that teleprompter transcript, it is a GOOD thing Rick Scott was in Florida and not Texas and therefore safe from the death penalty.

  21. swordfis

    "Hey, there's some weird reflection in my teleprompter. It looks like a giant white penis wearing a suit and tie…" "…oh"

  22. iburl

    "I figured President Obama must be here – giving another speech about raising taxes!!111!!!lol!!!"

    …even though Obama has lowered taxes and given tax refunds, and the tax rate is as low as it has been in 50 years and he renewed the Bush Tax cuts for the rich and…

  23. glamourdammerung

    The worst part is that everyone should have known it was a teleprompter read comment because Scott accidentally called him "President Obama".

  24. ttommyunger

    Moar pruff that Rightards don't have a sense of humor unless it involves hurting or belittling someone.

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