Teevee actress person Kim Delaney from the show “Army Wives” (we can’t verify this information, we just read the caption) was somehow the most relevant pick for a crowd-warmer speech at a Philadelphia military gala honoring Forever War Emperor Robert Gates. But lucky for everyone at what must have been an otherwise thoroughly boring event, she showed up dosed. Her rambling speech about soldiers and military family life mostly consists of long stares at the teleprompter like she is somehow trying to see if she can use the Force to make it come up with words she can pronounce, until eventually she gives up and just declares, “IT’S ALL MAKE BELIEVE.” Touché, Kim Delaney! Why does Kim Delaney hate freedom? We will never know, because she was removed from the stage.
Scholars are still debating the true meaning of this bizarre episode, but ABC has dashed off a little context in the meantime:
Video from ABC affiliate WPVI shows the crowd growing uncomfortable as Delaney rambles on. She was escorted off stage before finishing her remarks.
CBS’ Philadelphia affiliate reported that Delaney was supposed to read her speech off a teleprompter, but technical difficulties forced her to wing it. Representatives for the National Constitution Center did not immediately respond to ABCNews.com’s requests for comment.
Delaney, 49, has had issues with substance abuse — in 2002, she was arrested for suspicion of drunk driving after she refused to take a breathalyzer test. She’s sought rehab for alcohol addiction twice.
Amazing. Happy Friday! [ABC/ YouTube via BuzzFeed]
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Hey, that's Jenny from All My Children. No wonder they killed her character off. Looks like she's been camping with Levi.
No no, she was the luscious lady cop on "NYPD Blue." it was hard to see that through the penumbra of ugliness emanating from Dennis Franz.
She started on AMC and then moved on. Gosh, I remember when showing Dennis Franz's ass on TV was a big deal.
Thank god that was before HD..
Television never really recovered from that.
OT: Next Saturday, Oct 1, is Open House at the Very Large Array, an hour west of Socorro. Guided tours, lectures, usually a solar telescope or two. I'll be stationed at the Visitor's Antenna from 1:30 – 4:30pm, wearing an ineffectual yellow hard hat.
It's also the day that the Trinity Site is open to the public. If you have the time and/or inclination, you can go worship at the shrine of nuclear destruction.
Among other things I really, really like about the Very Large Array, I think I like its practical, straightforward name the best.
Though I bet they could get more corporate funding by calling it the Mountain Dew Radical Freakin' Huge AWESOME Array.
I'll hop on a neutrino and be there (literally) before you know it!
Dude! You're up there by Pie Town!
It can't be that bad….
Yummm!
TENT LIBEL!
That's wierd. The fall line up on TLC includes this reality show called "Camping with Levi" Women have to survive 5 days with Levi Johnson and not get pregnant by not succumbing to the powers wine coolers, meth, and "date rape."
(0)
Is that supposed to be a boob?
Rumsfeld is behind this, I know it. He handed her a little note in the hallway and she actually thought she was supposed to read it.
"IT’S ALL MAKE BELIEVE."
She probably thought she was at a Harry Potter convention, what with all the swords and elves around….
I know a zombie when I see one. Funny, though, until now I've never seen one.
So you've obviously never seen Desperate Housewives, I take it.
We begin this meeting with a moment of silence for the alcoholic who still suffers…
In other news, Jimmy Smits and Dennis Franz are totally slapping their foreheads.
slapping their foreheads
…or something.
You know, I have five fucking Spanky clones as my last five visitors. Somebody could come fucking visit me once in a while, or something.
Same thing, for a good while now. Really, since poopyhead can't down fist anymore he wreaks havoc on us libunatics by…creating clones to visit us all the time?
I know that I for one am devastated. Oh, and I'll pop by for a visit. If nothing else, we can experiment to see how long it lasts for the poopster to replace my tracks.
That's quite a strategy. He's taking his country back, one profile visit at a time.
I loooove the thought of my lovely avatar popping up for him.
(Cause I know he cares so much!)
Awright, awreddy, you're down for daily visits except Sundays, geez. I guess I need to go see if Spanky's been visiting me. Funny, he doesn't follow me any more or comment on this site. Oh, yeah, and Rotundo and User have been by, so it looks like Spanky's being half-hearted as best. Or, as is more likely with him, half-brained.
Come by whenever you like. Snacks are on the credenza, drinks in the fridge. I'll be in the autopsy room (wink, wink! )
I think the good Doktor got Stinky banned for running multiple accounts. All he can do now is press his nose up against the glass and look in at all the fun being had at his expense.
I think I made Neilist go away by pointing out the rare few days spanky is not stalking us happened to be the same time they disappeared. Because they are totally not the same "person" since one makes dummy accounts and trolls here just to be an ass, and the other makes dummy accounts and trolls here just to be an ass.
Nahh, definitely not the same person. Neilist, for all his occasional tastelessness and closed-mindedness, is pretty articulate, whereas Spanky is a moron who, regardless of which sockpuppet he's using, never really rises above monosyllabic grunting. I simply can't imagine that Spanky would be capable of pulling off a top-flight Neilist rant, and I can't see Neilist sustaining a Spankylike level of stoopid without growing bored.
He's still coming around, just to taunt you. And I think I agree with the others — Neilist's special brand of trolling-just-to-be-an-ass that is without peer in the world of ass-trolling. He's got a je ne sais quoi that other trolls could only dream of.
Sarah Palin does shit like that every day and she's viewed by many (idiots, but still very many of them) as a viable presidential candidate.
That is actually a very good point. lol
Also, Kim Delaney does it way better than Sarah Palin, and looks way better doing it.
Seriously, what kind of idiot needs a teleprompter when you're drunk??? That's what BOOZE IS FOR!!!
double like
And how come I can never find them that drunk?
Looking for love in all the wrong places, Caveman?
Looks like she drank just a bit too much, passing from that cheerful, ebullient phase to the "synapses out of sync" phase very quickly.
Don't worry. The booze will tell you what to say. Go get 'em!
She has alot of Little Georgie Bush in her. Did she go to Yale and Harvard?
All of 'em, Katie!
Nothing good ever comes from mixing box wine and your dogs pain medication.
Not true.
i second. and i can vouch for that from personal experience.
Now you tell me!
Which is why I get my pain medication by the box and never mix with dogs.
I have it on good authority (my own experience) that good (unconcious) things CAN come from mixing these two substances.
Clearly, I've been hanging out with all the wrong people.
Stephanie Miller fan?!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCM0jBrEfPw
Oops! Wrong Delaney.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuhDR8Crspo&fe...
I would definitely hit that.
Now’s your chance nothing like Thorazine goggles to make any man look more like
Brad Pitt.
Well, sure, but before she wakes up, because the conversation isn't likely to improve with a hangover.
Nor is the hair.
With a shot of espresso.
I've been in the Army. Real Army wives are about 200 lbs heavier, a thousand times uglier & just about right on the drunk part.
Yeah who invited Toonces to the dinner? The two-minute hotness wasn't worth it.
She's got the tattoo though.
Yes, it's great to see 49-year-old women with tattoos drunk at a public event about the military!
She thought she was supposed to do her best impersonation of Michele Bachmann.
Best valedictory speech ever.
The state of military involvement around the world makes me want to drink excessively and take my armored Big Wheel out on the freeway. TAKE THAT HADJI!!!
I don't hold anything against her. Now, the idiot who hired her…
I could hold myself against her.
Its possible if you told her she had a nice body, she might hold it against you.
You would, pdog.
In any contest with her, I'm sure I could hold my own.
Whether she would hold it is another matter…
She really went downhill after China Beach.
That was Dana Delaney…I'm sure they're related somehow but too lazy (drunk to do the Google).
ndz lss ltrs
I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some . . . people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over HERE in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our children.
There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on, shame on you. Fool me, you can’t get fooled again.
Make the pie higher!
That li'l honey pie is high enough.
I know the human being and the person that smells like fish can coexist peacefully.
That was a very, very heavy burtation. She had a very darris darrison bite n let's go hit tarris tazin nose clue vet they have the pet.
You took the words right out of my mouth.
♪
And yet, she still made more sense than Michele Bachmann on her best day.
So does my cat, even when all she's doing is licking her anus and complaining about the taste.
I can't talk to my wife without a teleprompter, especially when I'm drunk. If that machine ever quit on me, I'd be just like Ms. Delaney, only not as pretty.
Yes, Mr. President, we know.
Pix or GTFO.
Here.
You don't look like Ms. Delaney at ALL! C'mere, pretty!
Poor thing!
(I know. I'm a sap.)
I also feel bad for her. It's one thing to make a fool out of yourself at a friend's house with people who know you're going to get liquored up…national TV is another thing.
No, you're not, you're a good and decent human being who feels sorrow and shame for that poor wreck.
Now THIS is fapolicious!
Hey! I'm getting my first P's !!!
Wooohooo.
I guess.
Your first pees. That is so cute! Here's a little thumbs up for the baby book!
Marilyn Monroe wept.
Fucking shame! She was so hot on NYPD Blue.
Drunk, or merely stupid? We report, you imbibe.
Fuggg itt..I ammm gonna dooth thith LIVE…mutherfurcking ICETEA!!!
a drunken Bill O'Reilly or Kim Delaney?
This is why we fight!
Mostly with each other!
She still makes more sense than Rick Perry at the last Republican debate.
She disrespected members of the military almost as much as the audience at last night's debate.
I said it about Michele and I'll say it about Ricky: my cat makes more sense than either of those schlubs, even when all she's doing is licking her anus and complaining about the taste.
She's boozed up and talking about politics and war.
Shouldn't she be commenting on Wonkette?
Ken Layne sure has a nice rack.
No shit. She should be made an honorary wonketter/wonkite/wonkepedian.
what do you think this is? a wonkey show?
Maybe she does.
Kim Delaney is hot!
I don't know about you all, but I came
I blame David Caruso.
http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b344/2wm/SPEECH...
As good as Bette Davis after her stroke.
Well, maybe. But WHICH stroke?
Yeah, well, the one in which she recovered enough to get lost on stage at the Oscars. http://youtu.be/kIrqJU0pjPs
Oh, my! Her Delaney impression, perhaps?
Oh my God. I can't believe I just laughed at this. Shame on me!
She's pretty hot…in a key your car, threaten your Sister and poison your cat kinda way.
I'd remove the headgear before heading to the hookup, Derrick.
I don't know anything about birds, so I'm not sure why there's a question mark in the caption of your photo "Immature Red Tailed Hawk?"
Was he making a lot of fart jokes?
EDIT: You take good pitchers.
Needs moar head napkin and bricks.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aA1kFA0Viug
OMG! Is that Dana's sister!?!?!??!
IT’S ALL MAKE BELIEVE.
Come on, at least that part is true.
~
Paradox!!!!!!!!
I remember this show! This is the one where Keith falls off the stage while Mick is singing, right?
A true patriot. She gabbles nonsense over there so we don't have to over here.
She's more coherent than Bachmann or Perry (Rick, not Katy)
I think Delaney is an Irish name so that's what she's supposed to do.
The worst part was when the teleprompter started working for a second and she was so happy she burst into a big grin–just in time to say she's been to many military funerals.
And the best part was when Nurse Kratchit showed up and dragged her off stage.
http://youtu.be/dnsDmPBA1Bg
And the best part was when Nurse Kratchit showed up and dragged her off stage.
Yeah, on the outside, the production assistant was all sympathy and hey, kiddo, I guess this just isn't your night and all, but inside she was all "Don't make me tackle you, bitch, 'cause you know I will."
Nurse Ratched.
One of us! One of us!
Too true sir, and what's so wrong about refusing a breathalyser, I think it's patriotic.
'cause freedumz! Breathalyzers are a socialist plot to steal our guns that are always located in our gloveboxes.
It's the only way to stop Traffic Stop Slavery dead in its tracks.
We all know the feeling: she was making sense in her own head, but it just didn't come out that way.
I completely banana with your ocelot there.
Ugh. I have made a fool of myself in public a few times although without the cameras rolling. At least Ms. Delaney knows that people will be laughing at her long after she is dead.
Meh. I liked her better as Franklin Roosevelt's middle name.
Looks like Kim Delaney made the mistake of going to happy hour with Boneheader and attempted to keep up with him.
She had me at "drunken public speaking".
Come on Kim, everybody knows you're supposed to read it off your hand.
So that's what Fiona Apple has been up to all these years.
Heroin chic is back???
Sarah Palin is now writing teleprompter dialogue?
Best inebriated performance since Carrie Fisher in the Star Wars Holiday Special
I am NOT watching enough of that to get to the Carrie Fisher part!
Then watch the Blues Brothers. It was a contest between her and Belushi who could snort more coke.
Another reason to watch it again? I'm sold.
Ahhh, come on… it's so fun!!!
Or the part where Harrison Ford looks like he's wishing he were absolutely anywhere else.
I honestly had no idea that they did this. I am surprised that Lucas hadn't ordered all the copies seized and burned.
The animated portion with Boba Fett is actually a bonus feature on the blu-rays.
That's the ONLY redeeming part of it. That and watching Fisher sway around with a huge grin on her face the whole time…
My favorite Carrie Fisher story: as the price of doing the DVD commentary for the original trilogy, she insisted that Lucas give her a personal copy of the Holiday Special.
And until the intertubez made it easy to pirate, it was pretty difficult to actually see the SWHS if you missed its single ignominious broadcast in 1978 (I actually did watch it, and even as a teen wondered how anyone in their right mind would have participated in that trainwreck).
Someday, some intrepid soul is going to steal and upload one of the few extant prints of The Day the Clown Cried. On that day, afficionados of Bad Film will rejoice, even as the skies are rent asunder, the earth spews molten lava and rabid dachshunds, and the End Times begin.
I have NEVER heard that story!!!! That is just so full of awesome on her part!
It hurts to watch, doesn't it. But you just can't stop…
He did. But the Internets (and VHS tapes) got away from him.
That shit was f-ed up. In an awesome but I wish I had weed way…
Actually, I am thinking more pillsy than boozie, but what do I know, I am still sober and the ice is melting, waiting for this scotch to pour itself…I gotta go.
I'm sure it's a Micksture. Owwww.. Hey-O!
Don't put ice in your scotch.. Are you high?
About 33 years ago, I was watching All My Children during my lunch hour at a psychiatric hospital with a bunch of middle aged black women.
Almost 30 years ago, I met my first wife watching AMC in the student union as Jennie (Kim Delaney) and Greg (some white douchebag) put hormones on daytime TV in a big way.
Today was the final show of AMC after something like 41 years.
Tonight I honor alcoholics everywhere who overdo it for perfectly good reasons, with perfectly bad results.
The smile :46 in is just priceless. I'm very familiar with that drunk smile; you know, the one when you finally realize that everyone else realizes that you're totally wasted. It's endearing.
Kim, imma let you finish, but Anna Nicole Smith did the best drunk speech, evah. No, but seriously, this is a call for help. lol
This is the very definition of "hot mess," no?
BTW, I love how she seems to be genuinely confused and pissed when the lady takes her off stage. lol
Yeah, complete with cougar sleeveless dress and trashy arm tattoo. Jeebus.
Hey, don't be so hard on them; they were just channeling Marilyn Monroe.
"Army Wives" depicts the typical life of the spouse of an enlisted person the same way "Sarah Palin's Alaska" shows life on the frontier.
huh. she was kinda thoughtful and, sorta, meditative.
me, when i'm drunk i'm loud, argumentative, fast talking and slurry. (or so i've been told).
I'm an angry drunk too, only kinda mean. Well, not kinda mean — really, have-to-send-an-apology-note-the-next-day mean. It's one of my most endearing qualities.
My ex-wife – is that you?!?
You’re seven years behind on the maintenance payments!
I'm thinking pills…Vicodin, Klonopin, something thick-head-making.
Meditative, medicated, whatevs.
I think you meant to say "I'm a fucking genius when I'm drunk"
Cuz I know I am.
How does everybody else get so much dumber the more I drink? I'ts a fucking scientific mystery, I tell you.
Miche1e is a little more crack-ticky.
Something quite intriguing about that 'circling the drain' aura.
Needs more nip slip.
Hot, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son, er, daughter.
Seems to have worked for her so far.
Not much for talk, but would defintely fuck. Who's with me?
Several football teams and the entire male staff of her last rehab clinic, judging from the sunken-eyed attempts at sultriness.
Yahoo is still running this as a lead story. The media is crucifying this poor bitch. Meanwhile war criminals like Dick Cheney get to pimp their memoirs on teevee. Only in America.
Easier for the masses to process "drunk in public" than "started war that resulted in hundreds of thousands of deaths under false pretenses" I think.
I bet this is how Nobama sounds without his Teleprompter!
Burn~!
Kim Delaney always reminded me of a psycho GF in the 90s. A major dick tease until the dick was out and ready, then the emotional monsoon washed away the boner. Daddy issues + drugs + alcohol = Jill. yeah yeah…maybe it was the tiny gerkin in the room.
Jill? Jill??!? You had a psycho GF named Jill in the 90's. Dag, she was even worse after 2000…9/11 changed everything!
She got worse after 2000. She sobered up, therapy'd up, and had kids.
You should wait and see how she gets in the 2050's.
You'll be surprised how old she looks then…
"All you fuckin' bitches just sit around here and wunderwhatthefucksgoin'on. And all you fuckin' bitches dont' give a god-damn shit about motherfuckin' service and country and shit. You fuckin' bitches just sit at home for a year without your fuckin' husband and shit, while he's doing some bullshit in some mountain chasin' down some goddamn tunnel rat fuckin' wormin' around underground and shit, messing up America. None of you goddamn bitches know what that shit's like. Fuckin' God-damn. I need pancakes."
And after that every dude in the room still wanted to do her.
times a bajillion. I would have been vaulting over people as they led her off in a daze, to try to slip her my room key.
I think instead of still you meant "especially" so.
And yet no one walked Sarah Palin off the stage during her debate . . .
That's because Delaware Joe was too busy wiping the floor with her.
Just when I was wondering how I was gonna get to sleep tonight! Awesome!
I am so not going to become an alcoholic now. Say what you will about me, I have more pride than that on my darkest day. But I would fuck her. When they're that drunk, they never pass judgment on you afterward.
it's the Days of Wine and Roses.
That's because they remember NOTHING! (Thank deity)
OT: By a complete accident, I finally came across Wonkette's page on Wikipedia, and let me just say LOL! I like their description of the old regular pieces on Peggy Noonan:
It's just funny to hear it explain in a seriour manner.
lol…The Bachmann Controversy? The Bachmann Debacle (sounds better to me) must've happened on one of those rare days i was too busy to read Wonkette because i remember watching the clip and commenting but not the righteous indignation of one million (twenty) wingnuts.
their mention of the mother
fuckin'father T-R-I-G episode is interesting also too as well.Yeah, the Bachmann "controversy" was litreally about a day long, if even that. BTW, I don't care often I listen to that video, it still sounds like she's saying "white people". Even with that accent (which being from Michigan, I'm pretty familiar with) white doesn't become wet. If they simply said that she misspoke, I could buy that.
Plus, wet white people do smell pretty awful. Not as bad as wet dog, but still.
and we are prone to mildew.
How quickly they forget!
(OK, you do have to be one of the oldz to remember this one.)
During the primaries, Nancy Reagan telephoned her husband as her audience listened in, to say how delighted she was to be looking at all "the beautiful white people."
Good for her — more people oughta be drunkenly embarrassed about being mistaken for the heroes they portray. If Ronald Dumbass Reagan had had an ounce of shame, he wouldn't've set the stage for Dubya, who pretended to be a hero while being an incompetent boob for the next six years. This results in a Republican party that applauds bad actors and boos good soldiers when it should be the other way around.
SIX? He was a public incompetent for EIGHT years, and a private incompetent for the remaining 54 years of his life.
I meant six more after the whole aircraft carrier mission-accomplished thing. Yeah, that wasn't clear.
Oh. Sorry. I don't mean to get all shouty, but damn, that little bastard sets off my nut-punch-meter like nobody else on the planet.
Remembering something Roy Blount said about Gov. Jim Folsom falling drunk off an Army jeep, would you vote for a man who would review troops sober?
Freedom is not free sheeple!. However in this case the drugs and booze evidently were. She needs a hug or rehab. Your call.
I'll drink to that….
Imagine how pissed off she was back stage,"Do you know who I am?" You can't just cut off my speech. I was killing out there! I'm a star!"
Only 4,987 signatures to go…
Update: 4,959 to go.
I'm way behind the the Foreskin Holocaust petition…
OT, sorta…
Congratulations to all who survived NASA's rage and their throwing a satellite at us over funding cuts.
OT²
Bartender: "Get outa here, we don't serve neutrinos who go faster than the speed of light in this bar!"
A neutrino walked into a bar.
I love quarky humor.
It was a pretty bad joke, but he didn't expect to get lepton.
A neutron goes into a bar and orders a beer. As the neuton's reaching for its wallet, the bartender interrupts and says, "Hey, for you? No charge."
A particle physicist is pulled over by a cop. Cop asks "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?" Physicist replies "No. But I know exactly where I am."
Schroedinger's Cat may or may not go into a bar….
It's worse than that; he's dead, or not, Jim.
I wonder what Pavlov's Dog was doing when Paul Revere was shootin' those warning shots and ringin' those bells outside the taverns…
Awesome.
A graviton walks into a bar and then sits there undetected for 13 billion years.
Dewey, would you expect any better from the child of a second-rank stress-energy tensor?
You're right. He deserves a Noether chance.
Makes me wonder: did Kim Delaney ever win an Emmy?
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies,
"Yes, I'm positive…"
Did you hear the one about the overworked physicist at CERN? He had too many ions in the fire.
There once was a lady Miss Bright
Who could travel much faster than light
She'd leave home one day
In a relative way
And arrive on the previous night.
There once was a physicist, Frisk,
Whose stroke was exceedingly brisk.
So fast was his action
The Lorentz contraction
Reduced his rod to a disk.
I missed this post last night because I went to Paula Poundstone's Boise show with my kiddo and my ex, tickets courtesy of old friends in Tucson with whom we'd seen Paula back in the 90's. Comedy actually is far funnier when it's intentional.
Prior to the show, the boy was hyper and ex was mildly worried that Paula would turn her comedy lasers on her if she had to leave her seat due to some not-fun chemo side effects she's having. But we ended up having seats well in the back, safely out of range of Ms. Poundstone's radar, and there was no need for seat-leaving in any case. Boy, dad, and mom laughed uproariously and had a fine old time.
(Chemo update: Ex is now more than halfway through chemo now; the side effects are largely predictable and manageable, if no less unpleasant, and her overall prognosis is outstanding. She's on her third of four courses, and by the end of the weekend will be past the worst side effects for this course. As breast cancer experiences go, my ex has been "lucky"– very small tumor; very early detection; simple lumpectomy, no indication of spread to the lymph nodes; a big network of friends falling all over themselves to help with chores, shopping, moral support, and amusements; and unlike too many of us, good insurance, and Herman Cain be damned.)
Big chemo up fist. We get word on how it going for our daughter-in-law after 4 rounds on Thursday.
…and mega-hopes for good news on said Thursday. Got my talons crossed.
Thanks. This is scarier than Vietnam.
You had a degree of control there, but here not so much.
Just be thankful your daughter in law doesn't have Walter Cronkite, the New York Times, and a bunch of dirty hippies holding her doctors back from winning.
Like this. All the best to your DIL, long may she live.
I'm thinking big supportive hopeful thoughts for you both!
Isn't a chemo up-fist what Fox News warned us about, though?
Kissses for you all. It's shitty but you have to do it.
That's gotta be a big relief for Kid Zoom. And the very real, non-placebo effect of all those friends has got to be helping.
Let her recover!
So Kid Zoom is being good and ex-Zoom is getting well.
This is what happiness is made of. It is larger than it appears in the peer-view mirror.
Thanks for the update, please keep them coming.
That's great to hear. Best wishes to your ex. I'm sure the kiddo has been traumatized by the ongoing illness but the fact that you two remain on friendly terms must surely help.
God a'mighty, if these fucking Republicans had half a clue — nearly everybody here has a story to tell, of illness and struggle and suffering and pain. Fuck those clueless louts and their heartless policies.
Thank all of you for the support, but let's not lose sight of the other point: Paula Poundstone is one very funny librul.
I'm just disappointed that Paul Wellstone didn't live long enough to run for President with her on the ticket. Wellstone/Poundstone 2012: America must get stoned!
"God thinks satellites are gay.” “We have to remember that the heavens are where God lives,” Rev. Robertson said during the broadcast. “If we launch something into outer space that God thinks is gay, He’s going to kick it right back to us.”
Mr. Robertson offered little evidence as to why God might think the Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite was gay, but said, “It does have, I believe, a big telescope sticking out of it and I can see why God would not want that in His face…."
I thought Don't Ask, Don't Tell started already?
You made this quote up, right? No? Sigh.
Didn't Pat Robertson say the same thing about 9/11, though? That God (Al Qaeda) smote down the twin towers because they were full of the gay cooties? On account of sticking up the way they do, into the atmosphere and being next to each other?
I'm not really sure what the Pentagon is supposed to symbolize, in this case, though.
I am remembering that somehow Robertson went to Yale. In any case I'm glad that space metal is gay. I don't know why I just am. Maybe I am just hungry for pancakes. I can't explain it.
Strawberry pancakes, perhaps?
Give me a pancake!
I woke up with it still in my head. So I put it on all day until the zombie. Now I am getting a divorce but it was worth it!
Oh, Andy Borowitz, if only you were half the satirist you think you are…
(Not that the guy doesn't have his moments. There's just something about him that 70% of the time cheeses me off)
And it is why doG kicks the living shit out of the Red States year after freakin' year with those tornadoes, and floods, and hurricanes. All those cowboys with their 10-gallon hats on their 2-gallon heads, wearin' their too tight jeans, and line dancin' that live there are all Nancy boyz, each and every one.
Or maybe God did it because the satellite wasn't 4G, because God wants to talk and surf at the same time….
That's why it hasn't rained in Texas yet – God's still on AT&T's crappy old MDMA network and Governor Goodhair's calls aren't getting through.
If god really were on an MDMA network, he might find himself with a WHOLE LOT MORE followers…
In reality the gay satellite rejected god and returned to earth on its own suicidal course.
That's the last time she takes advantage of the complimentary purple drank in the green room.
I upfist your comment for the saucy color combination.
Looks like she gradiated highest in her class…
Mom?
Not a complete disaster, the podium is still standing afterwards and she didn't upchuck and slip in it and slide out of her dress. Minor embarrassment, no big drycleaning bills, no problem.
On a side note, that National Constitution Center sounds like an enjoyable and educational way to spend an afternoon.
Is this really any different than Reagan telling us about how he not only fought in WWII, but was at the liberation of at least one death camp?
Alzheimers and alcohol have a lot of the same letters.
And acid too, also. Oh, with Ronnie maybe not so much.
You throw NASA under the bus?
NASA throws you under the bus-sized object.
3, 2, 1, ignition, we have liftoff.
Take your protein pills and put your helmet on…
UARS so right about that.
We shouldn't joke about this considering the gravity of the situation…
Oh no you are not goin to Uranus tonite young lady.
Someone should have given that poor woman a slice of pizza. And a tall frosty beer. Would of fixed her right up.
"What I've learned is the Constitution Center."
She apparently suffered a stroke… of bad 'prompter luck.
Habagubba blubbudda blubbuda. Plus tax.
OT but Herman Cain won the Florida straw poll!!! Black on black election coming right up.
I am unsure that "See, we do not hate the n******rs" is going to really catch on as a campaign slogan.
That probably would be a stretch for the GOP, "See, we do not hate the n****rs as much these days." would be about as far as political realities (I know-this is the GOP we're talking about.) would allow.
He won, but the question had a lot to do with it: "Among those candidates you don't dislike yet, which one do you know the least about?"
I can't wait for the Biden/Gingrich VP debate!
OT but this is for you to mull over. http://nymag.com/news/intelligencer/encounter/jud...
Oh Jesus H Christ, she's back? I love this snippet.“I do Fox,” she says—in fact, she’s a regular commentator there. “I have a contract with Newsmax, I have a column with the Daily. This was the latest thing I couldn’t say no to. I’m busier than I’ve ever been, but I’m also happier than I’ve been, because I get to stretch.”
I'd like to stretch her.
Ewww.
The article opens well too: "Judith Miller and I are eating sweaty hunks".
Well, I've been there and that's all they serve. Not a lick of Schweddy Balls however can be found so far.
She still rattles off the conservatives like the political star fucker she was/is. She still is an obnoxious name dropping twat reeking of self importance, and is still employed despite being the biggest cheerleader in the media for a pair of wars that have killed the American Empire's expansion. In short, she's the same asshole she has always been, some things (and the use of the word things in the case of Judith Miller is so very appropos) never change.
And now she can murder a show for fun the lying bitch.
Do my eyes deceive me? Is Yahoo's frontpage telling me that Herman Cain has won the Florida straw poll? Republican intra-party chaos is the best kind of chaos. Every day the so-called frontrunners are refused first place in these best-in-shows, the more wounded they become.
Herr Mahn Cain FTW!
Your eyes do not deceive. Skullduggery must have been afoot.
The Noid?
On Yahoo they are already saying that Democrats are racist because Barry is half-white , whereas Herman is a full-blooded black man.
That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard.
We have to be getting close to the bottom on the stupid index, right? There's just no way people can keep living and be so damn dumb.
I'm just glowing in the knowledge that this makes the narrative that Ricky is a flash in the pan a firmly cemented "fact" by the pundit class. I am still hoping for a dead girl/live boy revelation to take him out completely, but things like this in the interim are just fine. You can sure tell the long reach of the Bush tentacles are wrapping around all of this, and no one can compete with that bunch when it comes to ratfucking a campaign. Ricky shoulda stayed in Tejas and pissed on the embers, it would have been more useful and less embarassing way to spend his time.
Well, the stupids (and the greedy) seem to be doing their best to take away that "living" option.
Worse yet, Cain incites this blackward logic himself.
Yeah, several prominent black public figures like to sling that shit around, but much to their chagrin, the black public isn't buying it.
Here I Am – Rock You Like A Herman Cain
The R's are already the party of nein, nein, nein.
9-9-9 LIBEL!
Also the party of six, six, six.
Now, if there were only a party of 69, 69, 69,
I would attend that party, sir.
I have wondered what our Teutonic buddies think when they see debate of a black guy yelling 'nein nine nein'
Nein, Nein, Nein, It can't be true!!1!
Its a good night to be a Chilean Model!11.
Hey Kim. When do you get off work? Let's hook up.
I guess we are all drunk, blathering, skinny bitches this weekend.
I'm there.
One outta' four ain't bad is it, 'cause all I am is skinny.
OT: So, all of the top shelf (well, top shelf at a Sam's Club warehouse) GOP candidates are up here at posh Mackinac to whore themselves out money to rich Republican donors. They are being polite to Perry, but they love their homeboy Mitt. The scariest little story from the Detroit News:
Gross.
Just when my diarrhea was clearing up. Thanks.
Big Love.
Try Pepto-Abysmal.
"I fell in love with Mitt up here on Mackinac," Ann said. An echo of glass clanking started in the back of the Grand Hotel dining room and grew louder. "We used to call it Canker Island".
Finally, the Romneys obliged and Mitt planted a big kiss on Ann's pussy lips, sparking roaring applause.
/fixed
That must have been one magical kiss.
Okay.
It takes real courage to stand up in front of a bunch of strangers and be drunk, oblivious, tongue tied, clueless, pretty, vapid, entitled, giddy, and sparkly. Especially sparkly.
Speaking of TV, last night I was watching a Spanish station, and you'll never guess how you say "Never Ending Pasta Bowl" in Spanish?
"Never Ending Pasta Bowl"!
Those motherfucking Spanish are tricky sons of bitches….
Easier to steal our coveted restaraunt kitchen jobs that way.
Well, it's still grammatically incorrect. Shoulda been "El Never Ending Pasta Bowl."
El gusto es mio.
I always knew my third-grade Spanish would come in handy some day.
Shouldn't this comment be under the "NRA: Obama stealing your guns by not stealing your guns" thread?
It should and it should somehow end with "Walking Spanish Down the Hall". How do you say, Rubio! He kept the old bitch from falling down?
How do you say taco in Spanish?
"El Taco."
Reading is fundamental.
This entire episode just makes me miss Ted Kennedy that much more.
Jesus. That girl fucked up.
OT, but our corporate overlords' lackeys have grown quickly frustrated with the protesters on Wall Street. http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2011/09/occ...
Those protesters should have waved guns at a black President. Then the cops would have left them alone. PICK YOUR BATTLES, PEOPLE
There's some scary Orwellian "we didn't do what those photos and videotapes clearly showed us doing" from the NYPD in that article. And I suppose ABC was trying to be "civil" with the headline — we all know that "protest turns violent" = "police turned violent", but ABC wouldn't want to appear to be taking sides, right?
There is an actual article on Yahoo's frontpage right now where Ray Kelly is bragging about how the NYPD has the capacity, now, to shoot a plane out of the sky. Yeah, things are starting to get scary, and everyone seems not to notice. There was also a spot on 60 Minutes, tonight, with him practically bragging about how the NYPD has become a paramilitary force.
Well, that will be perfect for the coming Libertarian paradise. A strong, repressive police force is the only way that governing philosophy can possibly work.
It's always nice, too, when you have a little graft mixed in with your police brutality.
Sorry, but that guy was being a dick.
Don't be hating.
Drunk or not, I'd still tap that.
OK, it's been awhile
If the beer and wine ain't flowing down a military contractor's buttcrack, Robert Gates ain't havin' it.
LIBERTY and FREEDOM!
(for those that didn't make it To 1:57ish)
So, Romney (expectedly) won Michigan's straw poll, today, 51% vs. Perry's 17%. The best thing the president could do at the moment is take some of that left-over stimulus money and buy every voter a ticket to the Book of Mormon on Broadway…
Sipowitz must be so disappointed
Diane never got over the death of Bobby Simone.
Stoned out of her gourd or nay, she is still one hot mama after all these years.
Maybe I don't get out much, but I didn't think her speech was that bad. She contrasted the teevee world everyone imagines war to be and said, it's not real. Well, that IS true. Most everyone is delusional about what war really entails.
Bless your heart for thinking that she was capable at that moment of being aware that she was thinking anything beyond "I want my baby back, baby back, baby back ribs" while her autopilot tookover to deliver that "speech." Bless your heart if you truly believe she was "there" in the moment while her lips were moving and composing human sounds.
Kim Delaney is hot! She's looking pretty good for 49! As for this thing, she was obviously either drunk or stoned or over-medicated, and she forgot where she was supposed to be, what she was supposed to say, and what she was supposed to say. I hope she followed this up with a few stiff drinks at the backstage green room orgy party! Robert Gates probably had a great big laugh!
You know, the guy got his accounts nuked previously when his multiple identities were reported by several users to support@Intensedebate.com. Sockpuppetry is a TOS violation, after all. It helps to include URLs and sample posts which demonstrate the sockpuppeting.
Just pointing this out.
You have to admire his putzpah.
Must have. WANT.
Ooh, autopsy room! Any spare livers (healthy) hanging around?
Back in the old days, when I was a sprog, people ate animal innards a lot. Naturally, as kids, we thought that was totally gross. Dad was the cook in our family, and he used to take great delight in announcing meals.
"Hi, Dad, what's for dinner?"
"Spare parts."
I tried to start popularizing the term "Breitbunatic" to describe them, but it never took off. It's even more strained and awkward than the original, in other words, perfect.
OMG — what if Stinky is actually Ashely Todd! That would be some sweet ironic justice, right there.
Didn't you get him banhammered originally? Strong work. Next time I see him, I'll be sure to write down his vitals. As it is now, my wish came true and five heroic, loyal Wonketteers now occupy my visitor list, a veritable pantheon.
You're channelling Georgeya, ain'tcha?
Yeah, content-wise, there's no way they could be the same person.
I am not convinced, especially since the stupidity started at about the same time as Neilist's meltdown. But it could be optimism thinking that two people could not have possibly failed at life that badly.
For reasons best left undiscussed, Dok, I just don't see you having a career in PR.
The understatedness of the name is one of its most charming aspects. My parents asked me "why didn't you give it a really cool name?" I said "we did!"
In addition to the various product placement opportunities, other fundraising ideas we've thought about were offering antenna rides, a la the Russian Air Force, and turning one of the dishes into a parabolic skate park. The kids would dig that, no?
They have a telescope in Chile called the Very Large Telescope. Know what they're building next? That's right, the Extremely Large Telescope.
As it turns out, ntD, I work at the VLT. I won't be out there Saturday though.
Pish-tosh. You probably prefer the prosaic "Big Bang" to the far more impressive term that Calvin proposed to Hobbes, "The Horrendous Space Kablooie."
I think "The Horrendous Space Kablooie" is an excellent term for private use. However, I don't ever want to hear you using it in public.
Now this end is called the Thagomizer…after the late Thag Simmons.
Of COURSE you're a Gary Larson fan, too! I'm coming over with booze and chips. I'll bring my Calvin & Hobbes collection.
Didja hear Jane Goodall on Wait, Wait…Don't Tell Me today? She mentioned how fond she was of the semi-infamous “Conducting a little more ‘research’ with that Jane Goodall tramp?” cartoon, which I already knew but gave me a happy nerd tingle nonetheless.
Trivia: While googling the cartoon, I also discovered that the Jane Goodall Institute is hawking prints of that cartoon, signed by Larson, for a mere $5000 (Cheap!)
All the Leakey Ladies are fabulous. My partner worked in Borneo with Birute Galdikas, and I have a book of hers (that I haven't read yet, but my fucking reading list for this year was 264 books, and that wasn't on the list).
Of course, I don't have $5,000 lying around to spare, but if I did, I'd have that print in a heartbeat.
Since you are obviously able to make google give up its Far Side archive secrets to you, could you go find that "If Cats Had Hands" one? I wanted to link it to you the other day, but damned if google has never heard of it.
Jane Goodall is just one of those unambiguously Good People that I'm glad are in the world. After looking at the Larson print, I ended up donating ten bucks to the Goodall Institute. I can think of worse uses for a sawbuck.
264 books??? Evelyn Wood, is that you?
Did she have a terrific reading list too?
Actually, I am a speed reader — it's the only fucking way to keep up any more. But also, my house is crammed, wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling, with all the books I'm always getting, and it's driving me crazy. So I made a deal with all my friends and family about a decade ago: no new books until some of the old ones have been read and "re-homed."
I might just leave her all my HoboBux when I die, since I have no heirs of my body.
That would literally be awesome. Imagine if this biannual astronomy public outreach event turned into a de facto Wonketteer convention!
On the rack I'm hopin'.
I'm thinking this means in the sense of placing her on "the rack" and stretching her spine and other connective bits, not in the "make room for "mr. happy" sense. If it was in the latter sense, I join you in a chorus of Ewww.
After the waterboarding she will stretch nicely.
I pray that you are correct.
Hmmm… I like to think I know the Far Side canon pretty well, and that doesn't sound familiar…might you be conflating this one and this one?
All of which eventually led to this English milk ad, which seriously shoulda credited Larson as an inspiration.
Classics, all.
Not conflated, but also possibly not Gary Larson. The one I'm thinking of shows cats milling around a kitchen, dialing the knobs on all the appliances. Coulda sworn it was a Far Side, but that was years ago.
If a commercial like that milk one appeared on American television, it would be considered a "gimmick" ad that "has no staying power". I would consider watching television again if the majority of ads were as good as that one. (The wife and I used to work in advertising. We got out because it was eating our souls.)
Meanwhile, Mr. Glitch just emerged from lord knows where, completely covered in a really odd-colored dust of unknown origin.
Yeah, and Hitler was a special kind of dictator, too. And ass is an ass is an ass. Sometimes, Goodwin's Law needs to be pushed along.
I was telling everyone I could when this guy got in that he was wouldn't go the distance. And, it's not necessarily because of his lack of political skill on the national stage, but because he was media made. They love destroying shit they build up, particularly folks they know from the beginning are a few fries short of a happy meal. Look how quickly they used up Michele Bachmann who just a few months ago they were talking up seriously as presidential material. They don't believe the shit they say.
Now all she can hope for is an Enmity Award
Wouldn't it be awesome if the next iteration was the Ludicrously Large Telescope?
Do you really? An ex-colleague of mine is working there now. There is a 10-element optical interferometer in the mountains just outside of town here. They also have a single 2.4m element, and they get offended when I refer to it as "the single dish".
We have that other telescope being built in Chile now, ALMA (which means charity, right?)
What is your role there? Are we doppelgangers?
Hey — I was just idly scanning the headlines on RawStory and I came across this fun article. Are you still there? If so, congratulations!
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/02/09/largest-vir...
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(dotz to defeat teh "hours ago" overlap)
It occurs to me that there was (is?) also a comic strip called "Cats With Hands," the product of Joe Martin, who also cranks out "Mr. Boffo" and "Willy 'n' Ethel." It's no Far Side, but it's no "Family Circus" either. http://www.catswithhands.com/
Maybe it was a Kliban cartoon?
well, it looks like you wonketters who are also bona fide space nerds would be the first to know when we make contact with extraterrestrial life. So, you'll announce here first, right?
Abso-frickin-lutely. I can't allow Wonket to get scooped by Astrophysics Journal, now can I?
…….
…….
Could be. I cannot get the internet to give up its secrets on this one. It must have been airbrushed out of history, like that Bugs Bunny "locoweed" episode.
Those optical guys have a much different idea of what constitutes "Very Large". The present owner of the Ludicrously Large Telescope award is the Arecibo Observatory in Puerto Rico, which was in last Tuesday's NYT crossword, actually. I believe was it blown up in one of the James Bond movies. Resistance forces destroyed my workplace in Terminator Salvation , which they mistakenly believed to be a Skynet facility. We can't, for the life of us, figure out what Hollywood has against radio astronomy.
I'm the new mechanical engineer.
My officemate is our mechanical engineer. He's going to be doing some work on the SOFIA project, and I'm extremely jealous.
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