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Here’s a novel theory from the terminally paranoid crackpot head ogre at the NRA: President Obama’s refusal to steal all of their guns is really just his massive conspiracy to steal all their guns. This is how it works: Obama lulls all of the gun owners into a perilous sense of security by never proposing gun control legislation of any kind during the course of his entire term and even helpfully neglects to reinstate Bill Clinton’s pansy-ass elitist assault weapons ban, and THEN — wait for it — while everybody is casually making small talk about that hilarious time Bob shot his neighbor for letting his dog poop on Bob’s lawn, WHAM, Obama rocket launches storm trooper Ban Ki Moon and his feared army of U.N. bureaucrats straight at the guns and cold STEALS EVERY ONE OF THEM before setting fire to the Constitution to “erase the evidence.” Really, that’s how it happens!

Probably! We heard this ogre with the fancy name, Wayne LaPierre, complain about the U.N. (Ha ha, we like the idea of Ban Ki Moon as a storm trooper) and then got a little bored with this rambling, fearful speech given to a bunch of gun owners to warn them against voting for Obama in 2012 even though they would never ever vote for Obama and Obama has not tried to still their guns… yet. YET. YET, GUYS.

Here are a couple of the best quotes from his speech, via Crooks and Liars:

“Obama himself is no fool. So when he got elected, they concocted a scheme to stay away from the gun issue, lull gun owners to sleep and play us for fools in 2012. Well, gun owners are not fools and we are not fooled,” La Pierre declared.

“Sotomayor, Kagan, Fast & Furious, the United Nations, executive orders. Those are the facts we face today… President Obama and his cohorts, yeah, they’re going to deny their conspiracy to fool gun owners. Some in the liberal media, they are already probably blogging about it. But we don’t care because the lying, conniving Obama crowd can kiss our Constitution!”

It is a pretty good story! That’s pretty crafty of Obama… a couple of middle-aged ladies, a crappy B-movie about car racing and the UNITED NATIONS are a pretty fearsome force when you add them together. We’d be afraid. [Crooks and Liars]

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