terror from the skies

NASA Now Says Falling Satellite Will Maybe Destroy America Today

If you're old enough to remember this video game, you're too slow to outrun the satellite.Have you heard about that no-big-deal falling six-ton bus-sized satellite that wasn’t really a risk for the United States? Well, NASA just changed its story, and now the U.S. is in the path of destruction. The satellite will fall out of space in a few hours. It might break up into pieces that mostly slam into the oceans, and it might kill you and everyone you love. Then again, it might kill people you don’t love. So, think of it as your own erratic U.S. predator drone or Angel of Death.

NASA, our nation’s space program without a space program, updated its psychic predictions about the whole “orbital apocalypse” thing:

A satellite whose orbit is degrading will fall back to Earth Friday afternoon, with the United States once again a potential target, NASA said.

The U.S. space agency had been saying for two days that North America would not be not in the strike zone for about 26 pieces of the Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite (UARS) expected to survive the descent. Those pieces, made of stainless steel, titanium and beryllium that won’t burn, range from about 10 pounds to hundreds of pounds, according to NASA.

And then, NASA put something on Twitter saying, “Eh, maybe it will fall Saturday and not Friday. We have no frickin’ clue.”

So, keep your eyes on the skies! Or don’t, as it won’t really matter one way or the other. What are you going to do, run away from several hundred pounds of red-hot metal shooting out of the sky? Fine, run. It’s never to late to get in shape or whatever! [CNN]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Comments

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  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Oh please, oh please hit Texas…

    • elviouslyqueer

      Dare to dream, dear Bonzo. Dare. To. Dream.

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        And Cantor can hold up any Federal disaster funds!

        • freakishlywrong

          Bonzo. He's not holding them up. He's "offsetting" them, so he can defund projects on a purely partisan basis.

          • Radiotherapy®

            They are hoping it hits the NLRB.

          • Bonzos_Bed_Time

            He is a True Patriot!

    • DustBowlBlues

      That was my first thought . With half the state on fire, if the satellite dropped on the office of the Southern Baptist Convention, do think the fundamentards would finally get how damned they are?

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        I'm sure they would interpret it as a sign from Jehovah that they're not hating queers and women enough and need to ramp up their efforts.

    • yrbmegr

      Somebody paint the Texas Capitol.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        The Texas capitol is empty 95% of the time … they only get together every other year, to compare oil company payoffs and decide who's getting screwed for the next two years. (Heads, it's teachers, tails, it's Messicans.)

    • SorosBot

      I'm hoping for Colorado Springs myself; but really any megachurch would do.

    • AutomaticPilot

      Well, as long as it misses our fellow Wonketeers, like Texan Bulldogette.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      But not Austin. And please wait till Rick Perry's back, and then try to hit the exact spot he's standing on.

      • valgal2342

        I don't know, I kind of like the idea of it crashing into the Westboro Baptist Church people while they're all having an orgy and then jacking itself off back into space with all those idiots on board and blows up again and again and again….fireworks for all!

        • Pristine_ODummy

          I like the way you think. Pity we can't have Perry visiting Westboro when it all takes place.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Destroy USA Today

    Like anybody actually reads that…

    • PubOption

      I have been known to read it, there's normally a copy in the departure lounge when I'm waiting for a plane.

      • littlebigdaddy

        Or when you stay in a mid-range hotel, along with the free breakfast buffet. Does anyone actually buy it?

    • Negropolis

      And yet, it's the most widely read "paper" in America. sigh

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        They have to keep printing more and more copies, because Sarah keeps reading all of them, Katie.

  • HistGuy

    If we start a petition at the White House, can we decide who it falls on?

    • genxr

      Can we decide to have weed fall to earth instead?

      • mereoblivion

        Mannajuana from heaven?

        • ChuckieJesus
        • Doktor Zoom

          Rick Perry Wanna Manna

          • flamingpdog

            Rick Perry would only marry Juana if she showed him the long-form 'Mur'can birf certificate first.

          • GOPCrusher

            Maybe Juana will come forward with the photos of her, the burro, and Rick Perry having sexy time fun and claim the 1 million dollar bounty from Larry Flynt?

          • Swampgas_Man

            Does Juana love her veggies as much as Kortney?

          • Pristine_ODummy

            I think Juana just might prefer animals to vegetables.

          • Negropolis

            "Rick Perry would only marry Juana if she showed him the long-form 'Mur'can birf certificate his dick, first."

            Fixed.

    • bflrtsplk

      If we make a list and send it to Santa marked "Urgent," maybe he'll make early, unscheduled deliveries.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Can we quickly schedule another one of those GOP debate thingies? Maybe in a strategic location?

    • freakishlywrong

      Doesn't the gawd awful CPAC start today? I think it's in America's dingus™.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    Good.

    • mrpuma2u

      I, for one welcome our new cosmic debris random death dealing overlords. All hail the cruel and whimsical space junk masters!

  • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

    Skynet. I'm just sayin'.

  • DCphotographer

    If USA Today was destroyed, how would they know?
    Marty Katz http://washingtonphotographer.com

  • BklynIlluminati

    Which is harder? Winning the lottery or getting hit by a satellite?

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChurchofRealism

      True story. One day I was cruising around Atlanta and I got hit by a Georgia Satellite.

      • GOPCrusher

        Don't give me no lines, and keep your hands to yourself.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Guess we're about to find out. When do we start counting noses at Wonketz?

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Destroy USA

    Get 'er done before Perry is elected and does it himself…

    • DustBowlBlues

      The third Texas comment, including my reply. I hope the Texican wonkeratti aren't getting their feelings hurt. On the other hand, at least it isn't OK that's being trashed. Boomer Sooner!

      • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

        In fact NASA took the prevailing Oklahoma suckitude into account as affecting the otherwise-ballistic trajectory.

      • GOPCrusher

        With Dan Beebe getting fired as Big 12 Commish, the Red River Shootout this year will involve real blood-letting.

  • bureaucrap

    Aim for the Blimp!!!

    • smitallica

      Chris Christie?

    • arihaya

      Limbaugh isn't hiding in Puerto Rico, isn't he ?

  • SexySmurf

    If the satellite destroys USA Today then where will Americans get their useless pie charts?

    • bureaucrap

      you beat me by *that* much..

    • flamingpdog

      Mmmmm, piiiiiiie.

  • edgydrifter

    Given the people I dislike vastly outnumber the folks in my "like" group, I'd say the odds are looking pretty sweet right about now.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Me, too. Here in rural OK, the satellite only has to miss a dozen or so people to be A-OK with me.

    • yrbmegr

      Really, just about anywhere in ten southern states would suit me.

  • skoalrebel

    Great! I'm sure it doesn't have proper entry permission. Another illegal immigrant come to fuck things up. [spit] Secure the border!

    • Doktor Zoom

      Build the dang roof!

  • bureaucrap

    If the satellite destroys "USA Today", what pablum will Marriott deposit at their hotels' room doors every morning "with our compliments"? Maybe something more accurate, like the National Enquirer.

    • Pithaughn

      Mother Jones? I like to get the International Herald tribune, are they still killing trees?

  • ApplesauceRobot

    Alt Text WIN.

    • OC_Surf_Serf

      Shit, now we know what Ken does when he is not trying to scare the Wonketters….

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        Thought he was into Pong.

        • flamingpdog

          Ken needz less Pong, more Bong.

  • Schmannnity

    Build the damn fence!

    • Swampgas_Man

      In the sky!

  • JackDempsey1

    Thanks for the heads up.
    [smearing goat's blood on front door]

  • elviouslyqueer

    Somehow, Rick Santorum will blame this on the gays.

    • DustBowlBlues

      If Pat Robertson doesn't beat him to it.

    • prommie

      Bristol Palin blames it on the gay.

  • freakishlywrong

    My friend, Chicken Little, says "bawk"

  • Barb

    I doubt that it will hit Wasilla. I mean, what are the odds that Sarah could be hit by chunks of space debris after having that house fall on her sister?

    • 102415

      She wants those shoes I'll bet.

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    Does Sarah Palin™ still have her surveyor's marks plastered all over America?

    If it hits anything Repubicans like, it's because the Socialist Kenyan does not share our values. If it hits anything Demoncrats like, it's God's will (as expressed through the laws of physics and probability).

    Stuff like this wouldn't happen if the states ran the space program. Or if people could just keep all their income under Michele Bachmann's 0-0-0 tax plan.

    • yrbmegr

      Bachmann's 0-0-0 tax plan, in which we still give some money "back to" the government. Cause we have to run the government, you know.

  • MrFizzy

    I just got hit with something heavy, but it may have been dried santorum from Marcus Bachmann's ass. Don't ask how that happened.

  • MildMidwesterner

    If all the hippies back in the '60s had ignored science we wouldn't have had any satellites up in space to begin with.

    Chalk up another point for creationism.

  • Pragmatist2

    One more reason to move to Canada.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    It's a good thing Rascals can only go about 5 MPH.

  • freakishlywrong

    Goldamn. The usurper nigra in the the white house has turned this whole goldarned country to sheeeit. Falling bridges, unpaved roads and collapsin' satlites. S'all his fawlt.
    Taxed Enough Already. Goldamn.

  • SayItWithWookies

    What a pity — businesses were all set to do some hiring today, and then Obama's NASA injected so much uncertainty about where and when the satellite was going to land that they've decided to bag it. How much longer is our president going to keep destroying this economy?!

    • yrbmegr

      The Republican plan would repeal NASA's authority to hurl satellites from space at poor unsuspecting American corporations.

  • Steverino247

    My money's on Texas. Because being hit with space junk is the only disaster they haven't had yet this year.

    • Chichikovovich

      Perry better gather a stadium full of people to pray away the debris. The strategy is bound to work sooner or later!

    • prommie

      We only need a volcanic eruption and an asteroid strike, here in NJ, to make the disaster perfecta.

      • Respitetini

        Locusts. We haven't had locusts yet, either.

  • Not_So_Much

    What will I win?!

    • Swampgas_Man

      If it hits me, I should at least expect a state-paid funeral.

  • hagajim

    I hope it does hit USA Today,,,,fucking rag ruined the newspaper business!

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      And former Mother Gannett bot runs the AP!

      FACT CHECK OBAMA

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    So here in C'Addle the forecast is partly cloudy with a chance of titanium showers?

    • MissusBarry

      Completely cloudy, here, so I won't see the space junk coming. I should probably hurry up and go bang MisterBarry and eat something fattening, just in case.

      • LesBontemps

        Advance planning like this is something we can all support.

    • Doktor Zoom

      According to Tom Robbins, the Seattle sky usually resembles "cottage cheese that had been dragged nine miles behind a cement truck." So today, just a bit lumpier.

  • Steverino247

    Maybe the space junk will hit one of the many Spanky2b accounts. (Asshole has all of them check my junk every day…)

    • MissusBarry

      Just put a friendly face on your junk, just cuz. Wait, that sounds dirty. Oh, well.

    • 102415

      I just means you are special to her. Me too I'm afraid. Nobody else pays that much attention to me. I love you too Miz Spankykins!

  • Come here a minute

    Didn't we get that Star Wars Missile Shield partially deployed during the 'cut taxes and spend like drunken sailors, on missiles' George W. Bush administration? Why don't they just point it at the satellite, and keep us all safe. You know, like "George W. Bush Kept America Safe®".

    • 102415

      I thought it was Reagan who paid for the imaginary secret invisible shield that was pretend?

  • V572 Moon!

    What was the name of that earth-orbiting butt-sexer again– UPper Atmosphere Research SatEllite?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Like most of you, I read the headline, assumed they meant the newspaper, and felt a little better about the world.

    Now that I read the article? Not so much.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    NASA says that the chances of any particular person being hit by satellite debris is 1 in 21 trillion. Since there are about 7 billion of us, though, that raises the odds to 1 in 3200 that somebody will be hit.

    By my rough calculations, that means that the chances that person would be American are less than 1 in 20, but it's 50-50 that the person hit would be an asshole.

    • JohnyEdge

      90-10.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Ken does this mean it's too late to see about a redux of last fall's wonketteer gathering?

    or… now that I think about it.. that was predicated by the availability of a rounded-out stable of ed/mod's to coordinate: the Wonkabout™, the Mourning in America©
    correspondent, the AM/PM contributors. Damn. It *already* feels like post-satellite impact devastation round here. Oh well. Nice knowing y'all! (checks watch).. How soon to start drinking to this long kiss goodnight, forever?

  • hollywooddood

    Oh, shit, I have to put up plastic and duct tape on the windows again?

    • V572 Moon!

      You mean you took yours down?

      • hollywooddood

        They ended the color code system and I got confused.

        • jus_wonderin

          Doesn't it look like a Dinner Plate now?

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Hehe

        • flamingpdog

          They still have the colored code system in effect in the red states.

    • 102415

      Actually it's raining like hell here. I will be in all weekend and batshit crazy by next Thursday when it's supposed to stop. I apologize in advance.

      • flamingpdog

        Bachmann/102415/2012!

        • 102415

          By early Sunday morning God will indeed ask me to run and I will just have to think it over until I am more soberish. Meanwhile please paypal me some Amerios to show your support.

  • Neoyorquino

    Cool. I'll take any excuse to play a track from Devo's first album.

    • Swampgas_Man

      SPACE JUNK!

      • Neoyorquino

        she was walking all alone
        down the street in the alley
        her name was sally
        she never saw it
        when she was hit by . . .

  • CapnFatback

    No worries. As long as we're near a Dungeon Master, we're one twenty-sided-die roll from safety.

    • bagofmice

      If only Texas had a WET hot American summer.

  • Radiotherapy®

    I haven't been this scared since Y2K.

  • AlterNewt

    Well, we've had a pretty good run.

  • Radiotherapy®

    Now they are shoving Space Junk down our throats.

  • mereoblivion

    "A satellite whose orbit is degrading . . . "
    Isn't just about every g.d. thing on earth nowadays?

  • Ruhe

    Run from the airborne debris event and get healthy to boot? Is the first lady behind this whole thing?

  • http://archikvetch.blogspot.com/ archikvetch

    space junkz godz need to ask Stephen Hill who should be smoted by the spacey saltpeter- oh, and add Ann Coulter for good measure.

    • BTWBFDIMHO

      Ann Coulter is too skinny, it will miss her.
      But Gov. Christy or Limbaugh are good targets.

    • PubOption

      Stephen Hill? Is he changing his show from 'Hearts of Space' to 'Parts from Space'?

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    I hope this is the last time they buy an ACME satellite.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Wile E. Coyote endorsement or no.

      • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

        I’ve learned from the TeeVee that umbrellas won’t be of any use in this kind of situation.

        • V572 Moon!

          My tinfoil helmet gives me 0.00000000001 seconds of early warning, however.

        • Chichikovovich

          But remember – if you're running away from the falling satellite, and you don't feel ground under your feet anymore, Don't Look Down!

          • HobbesEvilTwin

            are you supposed to run uphill or downhill from falling satellites? I always get that confused.

    • PubOption

      It might have stayed in orbit, if it wasn't attached to an anvil.

  • widestanceshakedown

    Well, I've been checking out the window all day and I haven't seen anything co

    • mereoblivion

      Don't despair, help is on the wa

      • Doktor Zoom

        I'm Tim Pawlenty, and I'm here to savZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

    • Pithaughn

      So a tiny piece hit the enter key on your keyboard?

      • widestanceshakedown

        OK, fine, it's about as true as keyboards getting ruined by mouth-shot coffee, but as long as it keeps my p-ness happy, wtf?

  • El Pinche

    Anyone wanna go to my prayer rally? I'm praying for Rush Limbaugh's house.

    • freakishlywrong

      Well, hell, if prayer doesn't work and the satellite misses Rush's place, can we set it on fire?

      • El Pinche

        It's always good to have a Plan B.

    • 102415

      I'll pray if there is food.

      • flamingpdog

        Hold it at Rush's house – there's bound to be food.
        Or at least "food".

        • 102415

          Tricky! but you won't catch me anywhere near that assteriod. The gravity!

    • DashboardBuddha

      I am saying it here, right now…if the satellite of love takes out Rush AND his house, I will give up my current life and join a religious order devoting my life to service.

    • glamourdammerung

      Why would you want to damage his house?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Damn it, Layne changed the headline to something less confusing!

    • SorosBot

      I was wondering why so many people were making jokes about USA Today.

      • flamingpdog

        That's a 300 lb load offa my mind.

  • ApplesauceRobot

    Somewhere, a lonely farm kid is begging his uncle to let him transmit his application to the academy THIS year. Little does he know that just above the atmosphere…

    • Doktor Zoom

      Whiny little bastard. Hope he gets bulls-eyed like a womp rat.

    • Naked_Bunny

      You should flesh that out into a story. Maybe add a princess, a rogue, and some wacky sidekicks. Me, I'd include a naked furry or two, but that'll never sell mainstream.

      • HistoriCat

        that'll never sell mainstream.

        I find your lack of faith … disturbing.

        • Negropolis

          I don't know, I found the observation most impressive.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Thank Saint Reagan we've spent $100+ billion dollars on a missile defense project capable of taking out a dangerous threat like this.

  • orygoon

    "destroy what's left of America".

    /fixed.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    I have decided to walk through life like Tom Sizemore's character in Black Hawk Down. You never see the one with your name on it anyway…

    • prommie

      You will meet your fate on the path you took to avoid it.

      • Doktor Zoom

        If you meet the Buddha on the road, why don't we do it in the road?

        • prommie

          he he

    • genxr

      and I've decided to walk though life like Tom Sizemore's character in Celebrity Rehab.

  • Nostrildamus

    Smoldering piles of junk? Best aim for W Virginia.

  • prommie

    This could be our last day on earth! Its time to end it all with a bang, bring on the hedonistic end-times orgy, sex with random strangers, go out with your boots on, as it were, like in On The Beach. LimeyLizzie, you said I had a shot, we may not be alive tomorrow…

    • prommie

      OK, not Limey, anyone? Anyone at all? I gave up having standards long ago. . . . .

  • slithytoves

    Jesus, NASA, that's a pretty understated "Fore!"

  • DustBowlBlues

    Great alt text. Or however you guys spell it. I have an iMac, so I just scroll over it.

    Who knew the satellite + our managing editor could supply such yucks. Meanwhile, please join me in intercessional prayer that it takes out a hate radio star–any old Sean O'Rushbeck will do– mid-rant.

  • elviouslyqueer

    That R.E.M. So prescient! Wait, what?

    • Doktor Zoom
    • 102415

      Evah! (banging head around)

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      That's why they decided to break up and retreat to their million-dollar post-Apocalyptic bunkers.

  • BornInATrailer

    After they put the floating Mir target out in the middle of the ocean as a promotion, wouldn't it be hilarious if it landed on an unoccupied Taco Bell location?

  • pdiddycornchips

    Today, we are all Jihadi's. Or maybe Somali pirates.

  • SorosBot

    Considering how much those metals are worth, it might be good luck to have it land on your property as long as it doesn't hit anybody.

  • Redhead

    Where's a Liv Taylor sex scene (creepily set to a cheesy song by her dad) when you need one?

    • genxr

      needz moar Steve Buscemi

      "Take that, you stupid asteroid!"

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Here in Texas our Governor rejected environmental regulations from socialist EPA, so debris and space trash are always welcome.

  • DaSandman

    Well it's gonna be the End Times for some damn body…

  • AlterNewt

    Alt-txt – Video game? I thought it was a Pink Floyd concert.

    • bagofmice

      Missile Command is a retro reference. What in the hell is a Pink Floyd?

      • AlterNewt

        It was the style at the time.

  • proudgrampa

    How long have I been telling you: We ARE freakin' doomed.

  • GorzoTheMighty

    If it hits Texas, it is the Satellite of Love

    • prommie

      Does that mean we are all going to fall into the sun? Before I go, I have to say, I love you Suzanne.

      • GorzoTheMighty

        Lou? Sweet Jane?

    • not that Dewey

      I love to watch things on teevee.

  • CommieLibunatic

    Hey! I know that game and I'm not even 30 yet! And the Game Over screen is horrifying even without the context of it being released in the heart of the Cold War.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    10 to 1 odds it falls on an Afghan Wedding….

    • prommie

      Will the afghans be wearing wigs?

  • chascates

    Satellite goes up, satellite comes down. You can't explain it.

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilleddoommate

      Yes, but how'd it get there? Who put it there? How'd it get there?

  • 102415

    Is there a finders fee or do you own it or do you have to give it back or can you sue because it ruined the garage? There has got to be a pony in there somewhere.

    • HistoriCat

      The pony is that after a few hours of intense questioning maybe they won't throw your ass in jail for possessing government property!

      • 102415

        Shit! I hate the fucking gubmint!

        • HistoriCat

          As long as you're white that's OK.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilleddoommate

    I'll be inside playing Missile Command…

    • HarryButtle

      Inside what? A bomb shelter? 'Cause I don't think your roof is gonna even slow down that friggin' satellite…

  • crybabyboehner

    This is why Reagan wanted to build Star Wars, but the libruls wouldn't listen.

  • NYNYNYjr

    It's like a free life-insurance lottery. Who's family is going to get the 'sorry' money. Unless it wipes out the whole family.

  • jus_wonderin

    I have my time machine warmed up. So, I plan to spend the weekend on Tuesday and Wednesday. That way I can figure out where it will hit. Then I plan to return to Friday, that would be today, and I will be able to tell all of you where it hit. See you all in a second.

    EDIT: Back now. Arkansas.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Don't get me all excited. If you're not really from the future why…..

  • proudgrampa

    Well, my timing is pretty good. I'm in Las Vegas right now. Since we're all gonna die anyway, I might as well call a hooker and order room service.

    • prommie

      Why not get two?

    • jus_wonderin

      I picked the wrong day to give up a hookers and order room service.

  • GOPCrusher

    Missile Command on the Atari 2600 was epic.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    NASA's going to destroy America? HAHAHAHA, a little late, rocket boys.

  • Radiotherapy®

    Won't Zombie Reagun's Star Warz Missile Defense vaporize the space junk right out of the sky? Oh wait.

  • SorosBot

    Here's the latest map of the satellite's path:
    http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/badastronomy/20

    So basically, you're safe if you're in East Asia or South America, or near one of the polls; pretty much everywhere else is a potential target though.

  • Naked_Bunny

    At least I won't be killed by frozen airplane poop, maybe.

    • Doktor Zoom

      We are all threatened by these Icy BMs.

  • antispandex

    I'm starting a pool to see how long it will be until we hear the first Teapublican say something like, "It's because we are wasting money on entitlements, and not important things like NASA (which could be very helpfull to my district), that the aliens have decided to invade".

    • Nothingisamiss

      I thought NASA was supposed to be gov't waste that should be handled by smart and honorable corporations.. Wait, that was before Obama.

  • smitallica

    How long before the righties label this "Obamacrash"?

  • owhatever

    I shoot rockets up,
    And don't care where they come down,
    That's not my department,
    Says Werner von Braun

  • http://thatsmrsbitchtoyou.blogspot.com Mrs. Bitch

    Rick Perry prayed for rain. Did he specify water?

  • JackObin

    I'm no doctor (thank gawd), but it seems to me america's blubber will protect it from anything weighing six tons.

  • crybabyboehner

    Serves you right to suffer …

  • glamourdammerung

    So do we get a "shout out" if it hits our house?

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Wow I better get started on the indiscriminate group fucking in the streets, or as I like to call it Armageddin' It On!!!

  • Ruhe

    In their coverage of this event the folks at Fox have inadvertently revealed one of the Trialateral Commission's most closely guarded secrets: there are actually only seven million people on the whole planet.

  • johnjmccarthy

    OK, men, we have electronically calculated the impact site of the space junk and it will be giving it's last Harrah near the California/Arizona boarder on Interstate 80. There is a possibility of collisions of several hundred pound pieces of space junk that may or may not be contaminated with Uranium elements, some of which are deadly in touch with humans.

  • ttommyunger

    My God, we're all gonna die! Oooooh, look who's on Dancing With the Stars….

    • Negropolis

      "Ooooo, Squirrel!" syndrome is the worst.

      • ttommyunger

        My dogs have that one, big time ;)

  • Sassomatic

    No names, but . . .when you wish upon a star . . .

  • Negropolis

    **fingers crossed** Please fall on the Wicked Witch of the North Slope, please fall on the Wicked Witch of the North Slope…

    erratic U.S. predator drone

    Wait, there are other kinds of predator drones? Adding "erratic" is redundant, right?

    • not that Dewey

      We will thank you very sweetly, for doing it so neatly.

      • Negropolis

        If you tinkle when you sprinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seaty.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    I remember that video game. Along with those new-fangled Pizza Huts and Moon Rocks. Nowadays, the best video game is the First-Person Shooter. *wink