HE CAN'T PRACTICE HIS LOVE ON MEXICANS  12:16 pm September 23, 2011

Rick Perry’s Forbidden Love of Mexicans Dooms His Campaign

by Wonkette Jr.

Noted anti-Mexican group “ALIPAC” (which means “No Mexicans” in Spanish) has distributed this video clip proving that haughty Texan country-club waiter Rick Perry will never be the Republican nominee because he just loves giving money to Mexicans too much:

They booed him for this! It’s almost like he was a gay soldier or something, the way they booed him. (Rick Perry is not a soldier.) [ALIPAC]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 105 comments }

Barb September 23, 2011 at 12:21 pm

I thought that Perry was all for shooting Messicans like a trespassing coyote. This is a man who jogs with a gun. Shit, it is all I can do to keep my iPod in my pocket when I jog.

Lol, like I jog! I get winded peeling a tangerine.

ApplesauceRobot September 23, 2011 at 12:29 pm

You can afford tangerines? Elitist.

Dr_Zoidberg September 23, 2011 at 12:34 pm

You know what 'elitist' means? Commie.

SayItWithWookies September 23, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Calling people commie? Retro-hipster.

Barb September 23, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Hey, cut the name calling or I will boo you all like gay soldiers.

chicken_thief September 23, 2011 at 12:35 pm

At the risk of sounding really elitist, I got me a brownz to peel my tangerines. And I would let her peel my tangerine anyday, if you know what I mean. And I think you do.

In perfection Bloomie Espanol: Senorita esta muy bunito!

Pristine_ODummy September 24, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Lucky you. Them brownz REALLY know how to peel a tangerine. See if she'll peel your grapes.

James Michael Curley September 23, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Beulah, peel me a grape.

Crank_Tango September 23, 2011 at 2:45 pm

I had a great-aunt named beulah and she died, so TOO SOON!!!

James Michael Curley September 23, 2011 at 6:20 pm

You have my sympathy and apology.

orygoon September 23, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Governor Perry is busy now drafting a "Kill The Dreams Act". Teaching people of color in Texas to read will be a felony.

Negropolis September 23, 2011 at 10:48 pm

I think you forgot to put "again" at the end.

Pristine_ODummy September 24, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Thank you for beating me to it.

PsycWench September 24, 2011 at 10:32 pm

AKA "I Had A Dream But It's Governor Perry's Nightmare".

OC_Surf_Serf September 23, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Booed? Shit, Rick needs a good smack to that smirk…

chicken_thief September 23, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Like Mittens feable "nice try" in his whiny "I'd suck cock, but the soldiers won't let me cause I'm as sexy as a cheap fucking mannequin" voice wasn't smack down enough on Perry-winkle?

BaldarTFlagass September 24, 2011 at 10:10 am

"Suck your cock for a $100K campaign contribution? No, but I'll hold it in my mouth for a while for that amount."

Pristine_ODummy September 24, 2011 at 7:08 pm

He got one, today. Herman Cain beat the stuffing out of him in the FL straw poll.

Come here a minute September 23, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Perry is a hero for declaring that the way to protect our border is, "You put the boots on the ground, you put the aviation assets in the ground." [5:55]

SexySmurf September 23, 2011 at 12:35 pm

I think that means he's going to appoint John McCain head of Homeland Security.

SayItWithWookies September 23, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Rats — I was just a little too slow — and a Reno Air Show reference would've been too soon.

SayItWithWookies September 23, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Perry gets his aviation advice from John McCain.

chicken_thief September 23, 2011 at 12:50 pm

HELP WANTED: The Great State of Texas is now accepting applications for kamikaze pilots to patrol the border. Interested parties should send their resume with salary requirements to: rperry@texas.gov No agencies please. EOE – haha /jk, of course

Rosie_Scenario September 23, 2011 at 1:30 pm

I believe they are willing to allow gay airmen into the kamikaze force. Tolerance goes only so far.

PuckStopsHere September 23, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Why do you need a college degree to pick lettuce?

SayItWithWookies September 23, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Of course the teabaggers are mad at Rick Perry — they gave him plenty of chances to be 100% crazy, and yet on this one issue he simply refuses. Of course it's okay for reasonable people to disagree sometimes — but the teabaggers won't stand for it.

Negropolis September 23, 2011 at 10:51 pm

Disagreement amongst members of your ideological group is one of the seven deadly sins. It's in the Bible, I'm sure.

chascates September 23, 2011 at 12:30 pm

LBJ told the story of a young schoolteacher who badly needed a job applying to teach in a little Texas town in the 1930s. Asked whether he believed in evolution or not he replied he could teach it either way, Perry and the rest will go with the teatard flow and if they get elected will just hew to what the corporations want.

natoslug September 23, 2011 at 1:19 pm

So not much hope for change, then. Yay, USA.

Schmannnity September 23, 2011 at 12:32 pm

I think Larry Flynt should translate his offer into Spanish. Perry being magnanimous is pretty fishy, if you know what I mean.

BTWBFDIMHO September 23, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Señor o señorita, ha estado usted alguna vez culeando o chingando con el pinche cabrón de Ricky Ricardo Perry?
Escríbele y cuéntele todito a Larry Flynt y te puedes ganar un Millión de Dólares!

Moonbatting Average September 23, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Corrección: un Millión de Ameros!

tcaalaw September 25, 2011 at 9:15 am

You're suggesting that Perry's been hiking on the Appalachian Trail?

MiniMencken September 23, 2011 at 12:32 pm

"Vote for me because I am an intelligent, thoughtful bigot." That 's a tough concept to sell successfully.

Nothingisamiss September 23, 2011 at 3:01 pm

'Ceptin the president is a brown, so….not so hard.

not that Dewey September 23, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Still hard to sell the "intelligent, thoughtful" part.

LabRodent September 23, 2011 at 12:32 pm

My forbidden love for Mexicans landed me in the clinic and divorce court.

ttommyunger September 23, 2011 at 8:24 pm

But admit it, it was worth it.

Pristine_ODummy September 24, 2011 at 7:11 pm

Voice of experience?

ttommyunger September 24, 2011 at 8:12 pm

Vast!

Pristine_ODummy September 24, 2011 at 10:34 pm

I'll be right over (searches desperately for video camera).

JustPixelz September 23, 2011 at 12:50 pm

It's the damn magnets. If we would stop letting Mexicans have all those plum American jobs (like picking plums, for example), they'd stay over in the Mexico side of the dang fence.

Doktor Zoom September 23, 2011 at 3:32 pm

no, no, it's the enormous savings on college tuition that's doing it. We've all seen the ragged bands of illegals carrying "A & M" pennants, already planning their unborn anchorkinder's futures…

poncho_pilot September 23, 2011 at 12:54 pm

so…Texas hates the rest of America more than Mexico? tell me something i don't know.

JustPixelz September 23, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Cubans who reach the United States are heros. Mexicans who do so are destroying America.

People speaking Italian in LIttle Italy are charming. People speaking Spanish anywhere are destroying America.

Inexpensive food comes to us from the miracle of the marketplace. Low wages paid to immigrant food workers is destroying America.

Nothingisamiss September 23, 2011 at 3:02 pm

You got it!

not that Dewey September 23, 2011 at 3:09 pm

STOP MAKING SENSE, MAKING SENSE

Negropolis September 23, 2011 at 10:57 pm

Haitians rafting in? Sink the fucking raft! For the love of god sink 'em!

horsedreamer_1 September 24, 2011 at 12:15 pm

I have heard, from time to time, that Cuban/Haitian tension in Miami could explode. True?

Negropolis September 25, 2011 at 12:27 am

Nobody gets along with the Haitians. Hell, the black people and the Haitians where I live in Michigan are constantly at each other's throats. It's one of the sad legacies of slavery and segregation. The Africans and black people from the Carribbean believe every negative stereotype they've ever heard of African Americans, and African Americans just look at the other groups as regular, ole foreigners.

Pristine_ODummy September 24, 2011 at 7:12 pm

If they'd just cooperate and BE WHITE, we wouldn't have to.

tihond September 23, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Arnold Schwarzenegger sympathizes with Perry's problem.

edgydrifter September 23, 2011 at 1:02 pm

When Perry yells "finish the danged fence!" he means the one on the Oklahoma border.

weejee September 23, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Berlin Walls go down, Mexico Walls go up, ya' can't explain it.

No, sane people really can't. Teatards, however…

OneYieldRegular September 23, 2011 at 2:15 pm

I love the story Luis Urrea tells of a bunch of San Diego area border patrol folks proudly showing a visiting German delegation the Tijuana border fence, and the Germans just aghast, with one of them saying, "Um, we tore OUR wall DOWN."

hagajim September 23, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Forbidden love of Mexicans? I think someone just earned their Million dollarrrrrrrrrs!

Texan_Bulldog September 23, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Oh Ricky being a pragmatist. Tsk tsk….that should teach the tea 'tards that real life is kind of more complicated than racist word salads but, oh never mind. Is it 5 o'clock yet?

chicken_thief September 23, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Some people think it odd that I keep several clocks in my office set to various time zones around the world. But there are valid reasons for doing so….

freakishlywrong September 23, 2011 at 1:12 pm

BOOOOOOOO! To the U.S. of America "media". Without them, Rick Perry would be laughingstock cartoon character of a Texas Governor instead of a candidate for POTUS.

Nothingisamiss September 23, 2011 at 3:03 pm

To be fair, they would all be laughinstock cartoon characters were it not for the U.S.A. America Media.

x111e7thst September 23, 2011 at 1:17 pm

So when Lord Alfred Douglas wrote:

"Then sighing, said the other, 'Have thy will,
I am the Love that dare not speak its name."

he was referring to Ricky's amor mexicano.
Who knew.

elviouslyqueer September 23, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Oh for fuck's sake. Has Mitt been taking somnolence lessons from Tim Pawlenty? And the catfight between Parry and Old Frothy Drawers was crying out for more slapping, hair pulling, and pump hurling. FAIL, you bitches.

HistoriCat September 23, 2011 at 2:25 pm

We need to bring Joan Collins in to do some coaching.

Negropolis September 23, 2011 at 11:01 pm

Needz moar Mob Wives/Basketball Wives/Real Housewives of New Jersey/Flavor of Love/Real World, etc…

HistoriCat September 23, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Young people today have no respect for the classics …

Pristine_ODummy September 24, 2011 at 7:15 pm

Needs MOAR ass-kicking, all around.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 23, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Christ, when Rick is considered a softy you have to wonder how much further to the right these idiots can swing.

AlterNewt September 23, 2011 at 1:54 pm

There seems to be no end to the 'right' that they flank to.

__kth__ September 23, 2011 at 1:52 pm

"That's just heartless" is definitely not the kind of thing Harry Callahan, or Travis Tritt, or Margaret Thatcher, or whatever admixture thereof Perry is modelling himself after, would say.

BornInATrailer September 23, 2011 at 2:06 pm

What Can Brown Do For You?

Sink your election it seems.

widestanceshakedown September 23, 2011 at 2:12 pm

I saw a Mexican once, but did not report about it, primarily because my servant had no paper to hand me to jot the incident down.

OneYieldRegular September 23, 2011 at 2:18 pm

What is it with all this booing, anyway? You'd think these people were watching "American Gladiators."

BornInATrailer September 23, 2011 at 2:22 pm

It isn't even a good round of harumphing like in the House of Commons.

widestanceshakedown September 23, 2011 at 2:53 pm

When will the Prime Minister admit he was [pounds podium] WRONG about the Iraq policy, [pounds podium] WRONG about the Gurkhas, [pounds podium] WRONG about the pensioners' heating fund. . .

I always imagine the House making the j/o motion with their hands when they're on a good harumph.

Negropolis September 23, 2011 at 11:04 pm

Fuck that. You'd think we were watching actual Roman-era gladiator fights.

LettucePrey September 23, 2011 at 2:31 pm

These barbaric assholes cheered at the number of people that were executed under Rick Perry's watch, including one who was proven to be innocent. They yelled "yes" and clapped when Wolf Blitzer asked if someone without insurance should die. They booed a gay soldier proudly serving his country while they sit on their couches eating Cheetos and yelling at their teevees.

Fuckin' trash is what they are.

littlebigdaddy September 23, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Or very clever Democratic plants.

widestanceshakedown September 23, 2011 at 2:54 pm

They really do give nihilism a bad name, don't they?

Arken September 23, 2011 at 3:03 pm

He might not be a soldier, but he has been 'in' the Navy, if you know what I mean.

Pristine_ODummy September 24, 2011 at 7:18 pm

I think you mean he served with se(a)men.

Or perhaps, the Navy has been in him.

Tundra Grifter September 23, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Gov. Perry has pointed out that any young person who has lived in Texas for three years, and graduated from a Texas high school, is eligible for in-state tuition.

So the position that those poor kids in Oklahoma are being disadvantaged by this is flat out wrong. Not that that has ever stopped the right wing nutz before.

Gov. Perry also pointed out that the Texas Legislature passed this bill. Do the TeaBaggers want a Federal law that forbids states to decide this issue as each one sees fit?

Pristine_ODummy September 24, 2011 at 7:19 pm

If Gov. Perry weren't an inarticulate pig-bladder masquerading as a person, he would have pointed this out to the naysaying audience clearly enough for even THEM to get it.

BTWBFDIMHO September 23, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Which magnet is he talking about? The magnet is that the media income/capita in US is $45,000 vs $12,000 in Mexico. Methicans will come, tuition or no tuition, wall or no wall.

fletc3her September 23, 2011 at 7:38 pm

It is time we finally get rid of those support the troops magnets, damn it.

ttommyunger September 23, 2011 at 8:27 pm

Compassionate Conservatism: R. I. P.

Antispandex September 23, 2011 at 9:54 pm

Instead of making him President of everyone, couldn't we just let Texas secede, so he could just be president of Texas, or Texaco, or anything else but the U.S?

johnnyzhivago September 23, 2011 at 10:11 pm

I don't know – he's starting to sound like the most reasonable! What are the citizenship requirements for moving to Canada?

johnnyzhivago September 23, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Watching this debate is going to make…. my head explode!!!!

johnnyzhivago September 23, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Wonketters: Serious question – what country are you planning to emigrate to when one (or more) of these lunatics becomes president???

Canada seems obvious (close??); Mexico may be good for getting my kids a free education in Texas (nice to know that!!!).

KenLayIsAlive September 24, 2011 at 1:32 am

As long as we're dreaming, I'm going with summers in Canada, and winters in Mexico.

And a ho in every area code – just for good measure.

comrad_darkness September 26, 2011 at 2:16 pm

CAnada is following us down the path into teabagger hell, but they are still half a decade behind, so it might suit for a temporary hang out. Kinda retro/mid double 0's living.

johnnyzhivago September 23, 2011 at 10:16 pm

Can't we get Meg Whitman to run for President??? At least it would get her out of HP where she is just going to ruin whatever is left of my HP stock.

The HP parody site: http://www.phinvert.com has new funny stuff, BTW…

Negropolis September 23, 2011 at 10:44 pm

"Booed him/her like a gay soldier" should be an internet meme if it isn't already.

Negropolis September 23, 2011 at 11:07 pm

But, but states' rights, y'all. Amirite?

You know, one time Dame Peggingtonshire Noonaningtonham saw a Mexican…

starfanglednut September 23, 2011 at 11:41 pm

Watching these videos on teh wonkette (i try not to watch video of these people because my face turns bright red then my brain explodes), I'm starting to realize that not only is Santorum a bigot, he's dumb as dirt. The man seems incapable of comprehending, and responding to, the simplest of statements or questions.

snoopyfan2010 September 25, 2011 at 9:30 pm

This is not bad news for Perry. The hispanic vote is all but guaranteed to him if this is played up too much. They will see him as pretending to be a bigot but really being a nice guy so…he will ge their vote. Snoopy knows about this stuff.

BaldarTFlagass September 26, 2011 at 8:29 am

Mexican culture is one of the few things that makes living in Texas bearable.

comrad_darkness September 26, 2011 at 2:20 pm

So, Romney insists we have to install a police state and this is what the government hating teabaggers and right wing nutcakes are dreaming of? Yeah, that's not fucked up at all.

MLHencken September 23, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Ladies, please. We all know Rick Perry is the gayest.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 23, 2011 at 1:27 pm

And he probably eats tangerines.

BornInATrailer September 23, 2011 at 2:04 pm

He probably bought a tangerine with a 3 dollar bill he took out from his purse.

Limeylizzie September 23, 2011 at 2:52 pm

or cock.

Wonderthing September 23, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Tangerine, boo, gay, jogging, commie hipsters. I didn't really have a comment, just wanted to meta-tag all over everything.

BornInATrailer September 23, 2011 at 3:14 pm

I should have found a way to work rainbows into that too, also.

DaRooster September 26, 2011 at 10:42 am

Boooo… rainbows.

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