oh god not again

Liveblogging the GOP Fox News Strap-On Death Match Debate #54

The three stigmata of Fox News 2012.No not another one! Yes, another one! We will do some liveblogging on this, maybe? To give Kirsten Boyd Johnson a break so she can “do something at night” (cry), maybe? Yes! We do hope you’ve picked up the usual giant-sized condoms full of vodka and ice axes, and that you’re ready to join us for this special thing. How will the Fox News GOP Debate celebrate today’s 391-point drop in the Dow Jones Stock Market and similar plunges worldwide? How can you watch it without watching Fox News on the cable teevee? Go to this debate view-y thing! Weep a lot. Let’s go. (PS: The video of this crowd of jackals booing a veteran soldier who served in Iraq can be found at the bottom of this timeline of indignities.)

9:01 PM — Newt Gingrich is openly booed, the first boo of the night.
9:01 PM — And unknown spammer Gary Johnson from … what is he? A dope dealer from Mexico? Nobody knows. Welcome, Gary!
9:02 PM — Oh for god’s sake — or for DOG’s sake, apparently — the “bell sound” will instead tonight be the “bloink” sound of someone bothering you on G-chat. This is a gift from Google/Satan.
9:04 PM — Annnd, three minutes in, the Fox News video feed has failed and started over again from three minutes ago. Oh man.
9:05 PM — Rick Perry, speaking of his hell state that is actually on fire, and has no jobs at all, says with a smile is something about shoving something down his throat.
9:05 PM — Haha, there is a “google element” to this debate, in that each candidate will be asked about their top Google Search Queries. Let us hope that Santorum and Perry get this question, so that we can hear about poop-semen and how Rick Perry is gay.
9:07 PM — GAH, the Google “gloonk,” this will not be fun.
9:07 PM — Mitt Romney doesn’t want to start suddenly talking about who is rich, after he ridiculously called himself “middle class.”
9:08 PM — Michele Bachmann has bravely come out in favor of no federal taxes, and that the guy on YouTube and EVERYONE ELSE should keep every penny of every dollar they earn. No taxation! Fantastic!
9:11 PM — Dear Newt, how much will you enjoy taking everyone’s unemployment check, in your mind, so you can buy some new whore trinkets at Tiffany’s?
9:12 PM — Gingrich: It’s “fundamentally wrong” to let people laid off by American companies to get a little money for rent and food, after they’ve paid into the unemployment system for years or decades. MASSIVE APPLAUSE.
9:13 PM — Jon Huntsman, the Obama employee, is asked how he is different from the black socialist Obama as far as giving a zillion dollars to Chinese communists who made a solar panel.
9:15 PM — The Fox News ulcer does not care for this! But he loves, as does the audience, pizza man’s 9 pizzas for 9 dollars plan.
9:17 PM — Doctor Ron Paul is very excited about these 10th amendment fetishists and their YouTube channel. The fella has a pantyhose on his head or something! The crowd in Tampa digs this mightily. Ron Paul, as president, will veto everything, stop those schools, we’re coming BACK (to Somalia).
9:19 PM — Gary Johnson, finally getting a chance to appear on a debate, is “not going to presume to tell anyone” why he should be president, or even why he is a “better libertarian nut” than Ron Paul. One thing about these libertarian candidates, they drip charisma.
9:21 PM — Using YouTube somehow, Fox News has ascertained that the people watching this debate ALL believe anyone making a million dollars is officially rich. And a majority of these people say it’s $500,000 household income, we think. It is hard to tell exactly because the people on Fox News are all millionaires, and they are paid to make numbers and math very confusing so that the poor people watching Fox News think the rich people on Fox News are somehow “on their side.”
9:23 PM — The Paultards are winning this debate on YouTube.
9:24 PM — Oh, Wonkette Operatives, please go to this Fox News Google YouTube thing and submit your questions and answers! Make Herman Cain president of Newt Gingrich’s poop-pizza shop, in their minds! The video stream actually, uh, works here, too!
9:25 PM — Also, you can type gibberish in the “Have Your Say” box. We just typed this:

why is rick perry not in texas fighting the fires? he expect obama fed to violate constitution and do it FOR state rights?

9:26 PM — Speaking of Governor Perry, how will he run his 50-state social security fuckup? Rick Perry wants old Republicans to know he’s not talking about them.
9:27 PM — Oh, it’s time for the snit between Rick and Mitt. We have sat in bars in the Castro and seen this exact scene between two bickering old queens so many times, this is like deja vu.
9:28 PM — Rick Perry saves his most whiny sneer for saying the word “books,” and then reads his oppo research out loud about Romney changing a line from the hardcover book to the paperback. (Romney took out the Romneycare part for the unread/unbought paperback version of his unread/unbought hardcover.)
9:30 PM — All these sociopaths love to throw around “Obama is a socialist.” This gets great booing, we guess against the idea of “socialism.” Mitt Romney wants to split (dyed black) hairs here, and say that what he thinks is that Obama is like other Western leaders, in that they are capitalist-socialist-democrat places. Nice job not going for the “he’s a socialist” thing, Mitt. (Mitt just wanted to use his scripted line about how he “didn’t inhale,” which we guess is a “current events joke” to these people.
9:32 PM — Annnnd …. Jon Huntsman is the first to use the magic words “Ronald Reagan” tonight, which doesn’t change that Jon Huntsman’s last job was working for President Barack Obama.
9:34 PM — Herman Cain is back on the Chilean Pizza Ponzi scheme, whatever that is.
9:35 PM — Newt Gingrich is going to solve the spending thing the same way he solved everything else: buy followers on Twitter and buy whore diamond trinkets for his new mistresses from Tiffany, without paying interest on his credit card.
9:36 PM — But Newt Gingrich will not answer a question about what to do with the economy tonight, at the GOP debate. Instead, he will answer this question next Thursday. Uhh.
9:37 PM — Anybody remember the first YouTube debate, years ago, when the melting snowman asked a question in a creepy voice?
9:38 PM — Gary Johnson is going to destroy the federal Department of Education and give the money to “fifty labs” somewhere, we guess to make Zombies?
9:39 PM — Sperm-feces man, Rick Santorum, wants parents to know that as “customers” of education, they are actually responsible for doing all the education.
9:40 PM — Rick “Eh words?” Perry has run out of soundbites written on his hands, in mascara. But he’s got one “Well whatever y’all but Mitt Romney’s a bitch.”
9:41 PM — Romney stammers and coughs when asked if Perry said anything untrue about Romney. This is apparently about some Obama/Bush “race to the top” something or other. No boos, no cheers, nobody knows what anyone else is talking about. Let’s get back to cheering the death of unemployed people outside the barbed-wire gates of the hospitals!
9:45 PM — The white olds watching this debate LOVE the new “bell sound” because they are not familiar with the gchat and the ‘puters so much.
9:45 PM — Michele Bachmann is going to build a massive wall along the “Southern Border,” which we guess is the Mason-Dixon Line? We’re good with that.
9:48 PM — Newt Gingrich, who doesn’t have to pay interest on his credit cards, thinks there is no such thing as credit card fraud. He also believes the language of the federal government is something other than English. Klingon?
9:48 PM — More Perry-Romney liberal jello wrestling. Romney “just can’t follow” the argument.
9:49 PM — Rick Perry gives every illegal Mexican alien $100,000 of taxpayer money, for free! He is a super liberal Mexi-socialist!
9:51 PM — Rick Perry is also a stern gay waiter at a fancy country club restaurant, isn’t he?
9:53 PM — Wild booing, nobody knows why, Santorum boldly interrupts himself so he can say that nobody will get any help, ever, for education, whether Mexican or White American. But illegals are welcome to cross our border and sex our schoolchildren at college, in Texas.
9:55 PM — Okay everybody, have fun! We are going to cook dinner now and disconnect the Internet again, to make America secure.
And finally, here’s the GOP audience booing a gay soldier who served in Iraq:

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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530 comments

    1. Sparky_McGruff

      They weren't booing… They were just chanting NEWWWWT! NEWWWT! No, nevermind. They were definitely booing.

  1. Tommmcattt

    It would have been nice to be there, I suppose, to boo ol' Newty myself.

    I will do it from my chair, right here. BOO! BOOO!

    1. natoslug

      Hah! I already took care of that this morning. Of course, I've been hacking up a lung or two all day, so I doubt she'd want to get close enough to me to see the shaving. That, and being sick, it kind of smells like I've strapped a pair of 6-days-dead possums under my armpits.

      1. Pristine_ODummy

        I just want to know how you found out what 6-days-dead possums strapped under your armpits smell like.

        No, really. I know I'm going to regret it, but I still want to know.

  2. Warpde

    And there they go.
    Perry is off first.
    Mittens commin a close 2nd.
    Bachmann is tralin by fourty lenghts. But here comes Cain.
    Riddin the rail.

  3. x111e7thst

    Clearly the Repubnikkkan Party needs a savior .Perhaps Rudolph William Louis "Rudy" Giuliani KBE. Lets say so anyway.

    1. prommie

      But our precious constitutions, it says no titles or ranks of nobility, what is this KBE shit? And since when is the queen ever gonna knight a Roman Papish Catholic wog dago, is what I want to know?

    1. JustPixelz

      That's what I heard. Then she said "except for what jackbooted government goons tear from your miserable aching hands so the Koch Brothers can still create slave jobs in the caviar industry somewhere". At least that's what I heard her say.

    1. Chichikovovich

      And we pay for our million service member military how? Even if you charge $40,000 for green card applications (admit it, Michele, that's part of your plan) you'll still be a trillion or more short each year.

  4. anonymousryan

    Does Newt Gingrich realize that paying people unemployment and paying for their training classes is going to cost twice as much?

    1. JustPixelz

      Since Newty is "fundamentally opposed to paying people to do nothing", he is also:

      fundamentally opposed to Social Security
      fundamentally opposed to TP Repubicans in Congress getting paid
      fundamentally opposed to paying firefighters except when at an actual fire
      fundamentally opposed to kids having a NSA allowance

  5. SayItWithWookies

    What's Santorum's opening sentence this evening? "I think the most important area that we have to focus in on — "
    Okay, thank you, please stop. He then goes on to say that union members make too much money and is cheered.

  6. SayItWithWookies

    Newt Gingrich recommends replacing unemployment with indentured servitude. With a whip or without?

    1. Chichikovovich

      So, like those people who bought AFLAC or other insurance against unexpected catastrophe [AFLAC!] should have the money taken away from them if the catastrophe occurs? Seems a bit government-interferency, wouldn't you say?

      Ah, you're not saying that. THEN WHY THE FUCK SHOULD PEOPLE WHO PAID INTO UNEMPLOYMENT INSURANCE NOT GET IT YOU BUNGHOLE!

      Sorry guys. Something about that smug deathbed-wife-leaving douchebag makes me hate him even more than the others. And given how much I hate Santorum, that's saying something.

  7. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Until they all admit they are aliens sent here to harvest our brains, I simply refuse to watch a GOP debate.

    Although, if in celebration of being on FOX, they simply cover each other with falafel and then loofa it off, I might change my mind.

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        No, but can you think of a better way of celebrating the repeal of DADT? Plus, hell, it is FOX: If the Sex Ain't Kinky, It Ain't Fair and Balanced!

    1. HempDogbane

      Finally someone uses falafel and loofah correctly in a sentence. O'Reilly should have written this 100x on Beck's blackboard.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Somehow I have a feeling that there were divisions during the 1860s that were more serious. And when the United Empire Loyalists were tarred and feathered and chased out of the country after the revolution – more serious. And when entire states threatened massive disobedience to federal law rather than let some black kids go to the state universities? More serious. I could go on….

      And Huntsman is "the thoughtful one". Do any of these people think for more than a fraction of a second about anything they say? (Don't answer – rhetorical question.)

  8. SayItWithWookies

    I like how this debate asks questions of individuals from left to right across the stage, in the order they were introduced. Guaranteeing that their audience will be hypnotized, bored or have changed the channel by the time Gary Johnson gets his first questions.

    1. Pristine_ODummy

      However, Wonkerati prefer nut-punching to face-punching, or so I gather.

      In the event, I wonder how punchable his nuts are?

      1. glamourdammerung

        Ron Paul was in the military. But non-combat, which we know does not count after the heckling that Al Gore got for his service.

        1. Doktor Zoom

          Also John Kerry, who apparently proved that a Bronze Star, a Silver Star and 3 Purple Hearts don't mean much of anything.

          But kinda-sorta being in the Texas ANG (when you feel like showing up) definitely counts as serving your country.

  9. Callyson

    Mittens says middle income families are the most hurt in this economy. He should know, since he's middle class too…

  10. OurHoboSenator

    Sitting in a hotel in Cleveland with possible food poisoning watching this debate. Someone promise me this is the lowest point in my life….

    1. bagofmice

      Just make sure you get a hotel room small enough that you can reach the sink and toilet at the same time. Ah, San Francisco.

      1. mayor_quimby

        Ahhh, fond memories of a shitty ramada in dallas, next to that stupid factory, after getting food poisoning on the first day of a new job. I miss you, E. Coli!

    2. Pristine_ODummy

      I'd love to, but there's a debate or two scheduled per week for the next umpty-umpteen weeks, dear lad.

    3. user-of-owls

      Just a few points:

      –It could be a homeless shelter in Detroit;
      –and you could have dengue;
      –and you could be watching the inauguration of one of those nine.

      Um, does that help? A little maybe?

    4. Negropolis

      Cleveland's slogan is "At least we're not Detroit!" So, yeah, things could have been worse, and I say it as a Detroiter.

  11. BarackMyWorld

    This is the worst episode of "30 Rock" ever. How are there so many Alec Baldwins on stage? Tracy Morgan looks weird as an old white man, but he hasn't lost his touch for wacky dialogue… Is that dark haired woman Jenna or Kenneth? Is that fat guy with the white hair Lutz? The way he's getting booed, I'd say so… Too bad Tina Fey's on maternity leave.

    1. Pristine_ODummy

      I can't get over Newtie being booed. I follow him on FB, and do my best to annoy, but he routinely gets 40 or more Likes and comments from what appear to be enthusiastic fans. This is great. Maybe he'll drop out next.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      It's like when the evangelicals ask you if you've 'found God/Jesus'? If you reply "I didn't know he was lost" they will leave you alone.

          1. Pristine_ODummy

            SO gay. Face it, straight men are NOT single at 33, and "neat" is like, totes, a betrayal of straight manhood.

    2. glamourdammerung

      "Restoring the 10th Amendment" = secession. Frankly, I wish the Democrats would pass legislation to allow states to opt out of all this socialism in exchange for removing all federal funding to those states. All those "rugged individualists" could do some of that bootstrap pulling or whatever they call it these days.

      1. user-of-owls

        bootstrap pulling or whatever they call it these days.

        Yeah, I'm not sure what the current hipster term for masturbation either.

    3. BerkeleyBear

      Nope, at most you missed the nanosecond between when it was passed and the Supreme Court pointed out it really couldn't mean what nutjobs like these think it means (ie anything other than making sure there are no holes in the government's authority between the Feds and states).

  12. WhatTheHeck

    In the opening prayer, Did they execute anyone tonight, seeing as its Autumn Equinox and the Republican penchant for blood.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      No executions, they just booed a soldier CURRENTLY serving (more appropriately stated as "risking his life") in Iraq for asking a question about DADT. Santorum referred to his service as an "experiment in social engineering" of which he didn't approve. High point: Not one of the nine thanked him for his service. Are they even human?

  13. SayItWithWookies

    Heheheheh — Ron Paul would vote for bills as president the same way he votes for them as a congressman. I sometimes become afraid that he'll win something important just 'cause people think he's a hoot.

  14. Callyson

    "I promise to submit a balanced budget…" What does that remind me of? Oh yeah–
    "I promise to pull out beforehand…"

      1. SayItWithWookies

        Oh, so wrong. First of all, anyone who says that is a damn liar. Second, anyone who believes that has no idea how the human penis works. My line is better: "I'll bet you dinner I can last fifteen minutes." Everybody wins.

    1. MilwaukeeKent

      I thought he could have used a valium or two. He seemed a tad nervous with his debut. Did he pass the audition? Did Cowell scowl? Was this the new Fox reality show "America's Got Malice"? It's pretty obvious even this early that it's going to be a Perry-Romney ticket or a Romney-Perry ticket, but who's the top and who's the bottom? Maybe they can settle it with a duel, but my money's on a brokered convention.

    2. prommie

      Like all libertarians, he is retarded. Think Ted Nugent. Brain Damaged, low functioning sociopaths, they become libertarians because they are too socially inept to become serial killers and too stupid to become IT professionals. Thats what I really think.

      1. Pristine_ODummy

        You're bringing back fond memories of an early UNIX sysadmin who must've had a shitload of guns in his office that was wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling UNIX boxes in various states of disrepair.

  15. Callyson

    Oh God, here comes the immigration – bashing…now, will someone bring up Rick Perry's jobs mostly going to immigrants, legal or not?

  16. SayItWithWookies

    What freaks these people are. Everyone's going to slash taxes, cut regulations, eviscerate workers' rights, and basically impoverish the bottom 80% of the populace's ability to earn a living and have safe homes and work environments. And they're getting wild applause. And none of the Fox commenters are saying anything about how these ideas completely fly in the face of basic math. What the fuck?

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      "impoverish the bottom 80% of the populace"

      They've done that already. I want to know what comes next.

  17. chascates

    At least 2 people have to drop out of this Neanderthal FuckFest or I'm declaring shenanigans. If they continue to let in the senile, the spitting, the pathetic the media will easily coverup and create this predestined candidate, THE ONE!, who will continue the policies that made the 43rd administration such a wonder of the free market [I mean Perry here]
    Will it take national-level candidates who wear a cooking pot for a hat or someone dressed as a color-blind golfer in full raiment to wake up the nation that most of these people are greedy, lying, LUNATICS!

  18. Callyson

    You olds don't have to worry about Perry cutting SocSec. Youngsters, on the other hand, can work forever…

  19. SayItWithWookies

    Holy fuck, it's known corrupt leech and fraudster Rick Scott. Why don't they arrest that bastard if they know where he is?

  20. SayItWithWookies

    Blondie: Rick Perry, how would fifty social security programs work?
    Perry: Nobody's losing their soshsecurity. I never said it was unconstitutional. Everything's fine with your sochsecurity. I never wrote what I put in my book.

    1. JustPixelz

      I worked* in four different states. Does my current home state** pick up the tab for my retirement? If so, I'm moving to Texas to bankrupt them under the Perzy Scheme.
      ______________________
      * well … got a paycheck

      ** actually I currently live in Connecticut but work via computer for a company in Vermont on behalf of a company it owns in Texas but I'm paid by a Japanese-owned company headquartered in Massachusetts. Your move Ricky.

          1. Nothingisamiss

            I leave a near 24 hour old thread and STILL miss Hitler. Next time Ima go with Hess for the nazi win.

  21. Callyson

    Here we go with the requisite and gratuitous (not to mention inaccurate) accusation that Obama is a socialist…

  22. SayItWithWookies

    Okay so the big three just keep mentioning each others' names which means they each get a chance to respond which means they've basically trolljacked the debate. They can't even get through a fucking debate without logrolling. How the fuck do these idiots attain national office?

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Well, it's the best the Republicans have to offer.

      The Dems will probably come up with some Harvard-educated Constitutional scholar or something, just for the contrast.

  23. Callyson

    OMG, a FOX anchor pointed out that 66% of Americans support raising taxes on the rich?
    She is so fired…

    1. Chichikovovich

      66% eh? Get Rasmussen on that right away. He'll bring that number down. Give him a couple of weeks and he'll be reporting 99% support for not only doing away with taxes on the rich altogether, but even giving them tax credits of $1 for every dollar earned over a million. Matching funds for job creators!

  24. natoslug

    Fuck it. I'm turning down the volume and cranking up the Bowie. These people are fucking worthless above ground.

    [edit: Jon Huntsman yapping about taxed to Bowie's Heroes is just wrong. why the fuck do I still get sound from their video even with the volume icon crossed out?]

      1. natoslug

        I was going to use Suicidal Tendencies, but it looks like my wife went through my music collection again. All I wanted was a fucking pepsi! And for these people to shut the fuck up.

        1. Chichikovovich

          I always find that either of X's first two albums are good for scouring away the mental stains from Republican yammering. Billy Zoom to the rescue.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      It's a god-awful small affair
      To the girl with the mousy hair
      But the voters are yelling “No”
      And Chris Wallace's face is like dough…

        1. Doktor Zoom

          And this crowd would just LOVE to watch the lawman beating up the wrong guy.

          So there you have it: There IS life on Mars.*

          * Loved the British show, the American version, not so much. Oh, but the music….

  25. Callyson

    Cain is frothing at the mouth over eliminating a department.
    And of course, he'll go for killing the environment.
    EPA gone wild!

  26. SayItWithWookies

    Herman Cain recommends the Chilean model for social security — if fugitive nazis could build a perfect means of taking care of old people, shouldn't we give it some serious study?

    1. Chichikovovich

      I'm not sure the part about "overthrow your democratically elected government and install a decades long regime of torture and murder of political opponents" is going to appeal to independent voters, however much the Tea Party may go for it.

  27. Callyson

    Yes, let's go with the states' rights model for education. Let half the states utterly fail to educate kids…

  28. SayItWithWookies

    Oh, Newt will be introducing Contract with America II — so for those of you who really cherish the term limits, tax cuts for the rich, tort reform and deregulation that Newt brought us the first time, this should be a great reprise.

  29. anonymousryan

    This crowd must be the entire 20% of the US population that believes we should eliminate the government so Jesus can rule.

  30. Callyson

    Ricky thinks the *parents* are the "customers" of education? What are the students, chopped liver? There goes the leadership of tomorrow…

    1. Pristine_ODummy

      What "leadership"? Zey are only reqvired to obey ze orderz.

      Why don't these fuckers just break into a rousing rendition of Der Horst Wessel Lied?

    2. JustPixelz

      Parents should remember they are raising the adult, not the child. Over in China or India or somewhere else in the world, there's a kid who's after another one of our knowledge-worker jobs.

  31. SayItWithWookies

    Santorum: It's been parents' responsibility to educate their children "from the moment they were born." Which means Fetus Santorum has a bachelor's degree by now.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Except when the parents don't know shit, and you need to use professional teachers.

      That's why we invented public education. (A minor detail that's totally lost on don't-know-shit teabagger parents.)

  32. TanzbodenKoenig

    Fuck it im out of booze and bleeding from the ears I gotta turn this shit off: i can get the same effect by watching 2 girls 1 cup and then I don't have to stare at Newt Gingrich's fucking face.

  33. anonymousryan

    Rick Perry believes in the right to choose… whether or not your kid attends a school with minorities.

  34. smashaduck

    Fuck, I'm stoned. Does anyone else keep thinking they're getting a message when that thing beeps? No, not a message from god. Fuck, I'm not THAT stoned.

  35. SayItWithWookies

    Romney: We need to get the Federal government out of education. Specifically, out of Brown v. Board of Education.

    1. Pristine_ODummy

      He's a Mormon. They believe in spawning without end — gotta populate those planets the Mormon God will give 'em when they die, yaknow, where their multiple wives will be eternally pregnant.

      Two of his kids are adopted, though. I believe one little girl from China, and one from India.

        1. Negropolis

          He gets a little black baby from Malawi and he has the Madonna-Jolie collectors set. Like Pokemon, gotta' catch 'em all!

  36. Callyson

    Again with this canard that the Feds are not supporting immigration laws. Never mind that under Obama, deportations are *up* even as immigration has *declined* thanks to the economy…

  37. SayItWithWookies

    Michele Bachmann: I will build a fence on every inch of the border. It will be as impervious as the fence that protects me from facts.

  38. Callyson

    Actually, struggling US workers are competing with *corporate CEOs*, who are engaging in short – sighted cost – cutting that is eliminating their jobs…

  39. anonymousryan

    Didn't Georgia boot out a bunch of illegal immigrant farm workers and then Vidalia onions rotted in the field? I guess Americans weren't competing for those jobs.

    1. Pristine_ODummy

      They lost a shitload of money from crops rotting in the fields. These fucking anti-immigration cretins don't realize that it takes a certain skillset – low-level and poorly-paid, to be sure, but a skillset nonetheless – to harvest their fucking crops. Moreover, the fact that it's unglamorous fucking stoop labour in horrible conditions escapes them. They really think American workers, who might be carrying tens of thousands in debt from school loans, mortgages, and medical bills, can AFFORD to do this kind of labour without a guarantee of health insurance and workers' comp (neither of which apply to farm labour).

      They're beyond stupid. The only people who applied for the jobs were people who were basically unemployable — alcoholics, drug addicts, people with mental health issues. And of course, they didn't stay long.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Weren't there enough prisoners to go around?

        I thought they were keen on solving that problem — and then they went and offed one of 'em. The lack of consistency is worrying.

        1. Pristine_ODummy

          They were using probationers, not prisoners, presumably because of the greater expense of guarding prisoners. The probationers, being regular Americans (i.e., overweight and pretty out of shape) didn't last long in the hot sun and under the workload.

          What ignorami on the other end of the food chain don't realize is that when crops have to be picked, they usually have to be picked *immediately.* Within a day or two of peak ripeness, a field of squash or tomatoes can go from perfect to inedible. Americans, who tend to buy their food already prepared to some extent (whether as fast-food, canned, or whatever) tend not to realize this.

  40. fuflans

    ok yeah i listened to exactly one question and one answer and that's all i can do.

    and shelley, newt? NO ONE IS FUCKING CROSSING OUR BORDER ANYMORE B/C WE HAVE NO FUCKING JOBS.

    rock the casbah, rock the casbah.

  41. Schmannnity

    RIGHT WING DEATH SQUADS. RIGHT WING DEATH SQUADS. RIGHT WING DEATH SQUADS. RIGHT WING DEATH SQUADS. RIGHT WING DEATH SQUADS. There. The answer to 5 questions: 1) What to do about crime in Amurika, 2) What to do about joblessness in Amurika, 3) What to do about terrorism in Amurika, 4) What to do about abortion in Amurika, and 5) what to do about over-regulation/ bureaucracy in Amurika.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      Ha-ha, trick question! You left out "What to do about healthcare in America" and "What to do about illegal immigration in America."

      Not to mention "What to do about Unitarian-Universalists in Knoxville TN and gay 21 year olds in Laramie WY," in the nostalgia round.

  42. SayItWithWookies

    Why is Romney complaining that anchor babies get to pay in-state tuition in Texas while out of state students have to pay a hundred grand more? Nobody in their right mind would pay a hundred thousand dollars to spend four years in Texas, so they might as well let Texas have 'em.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Remember that some of those people are coming from Mississippi or Arkansas. Even Texas looks good from that perspective.

  43. Callyson

    Perry spent $400M in taxpayer money? Doesn't that socialist know that money belongs to those who worked for it and earned it? If people want border security, let them pay a private contractor for it…

  44. Doktor Zoom

    I hope they use my question: Which of you is going to take it to the next level and pledge to start executing the illegals? Why coddle them by letting them live?

  45. Beowoof

    I just couldn't bring myself to watch this horseshit being flung around. I have to work tomorrow and the amount of alcohol needed would have made that impossible.

  46. Jim Newell

    From the debate notes:

    k-lo thinks 'did not inhale' line was funny — see tweet

    'class warfare and bureaucratic socialism" — newt

    gary johnson is gay just listen

    romney: perry's in bed w/ the mexicans — sends them to college — is a magnet for mexis

  47. Callyson

    So, Paul thinks dollars are people now, people who want to leave the US? Oh yeah, that makes all kinds of sense…

  48. Doktor Zoom

    It's not working. Oh, sure, illegal immigration is way down, but there's still brown people and I still have to hear "para coninuar in espanol, something ocho"

  49. SayItWithWookies

    Ron Paul: The fence will prevent huge banks and multinational corporations from sending money overseas. The government radio-tags your goldfish! The television is secretly recording your brainwaves!

  50. fuflans

    We are going to cook dinner now and disconnect the Internet again, to make America secure

    should i stay or should i go?

    1. Doktor Zoom

      Oopsies. Didn't really intend to delete my comment about Googlie searches for frothy Santorum and "Rick Perry is gay"

  51. chascates

    OK. People = Incredible, Government = Horrible Alien Soul Sucker. But elect ME and I'll change everything because I'm just like you.

    I'm not sold but I'm afraid a lot of people will be.

  52. Doktor Zoom

    I will personally fellate every member of the Knesset. Will any of my competitors in this debate make this pledge?

  53. Callyson

    Yeah…if the US had beat down the Palestinians, they might not have pursued statehood. Because standing shoulder to shoulder with Israel has shut them up all these years…

  54. Callyson

    Perry wants to sell upgraded F – 16's to Taiwan? Kiss the Chinese life support for what's left of the American economy goodbye…

        1. HistoriCat

          It wasn't like that! There was all that work at the UN and one night it got late, we were both hungry, India knew of a place around the corner. OK, we had a few drinks but I don't want to make it sound like the US is blaming the alcohol.

  55. SayItWithWookies

    Perry: "Haqqani — that's the terrorist group directly related to the — the Pakistani country."
    Fuck I'm having flashbacks.

  56. Callyson

    Butch does not understand the concept of foreign aid as a bribe: We'll pay you if you'll just hate us less…

  57. Doktor Zoom

    We need to cut all foreign aid. And then, we can start doing something about the remaining 99.8% of the budget.

  58. SayItWithWookies

    Newt: Giving money from government to government is a waste. We should be giving foreign aid to US corporations to exploit other nations instead.

  59. Callyson

    Gary Johnson: the biggest threat to our national security is that we are bankrupt…I'll cut military spending.
    As if he weren't before, he is officially toast. The MIC won't tolerate that much common sense…

  60. Doktor Zoom

    This world faces the risk of becoming dramatically dangerous soon.

    For instance, one of these assholes could become preznit.

  61. Pristine_ODummy

    Barb, my mummy never smelled like that, never! Actually, she rather smelled of milk and honey and warm bread, and sometimes, perfume. But not like dead possums.

  62. Doktor Zoom

    Excuse me, Brett? I would like to pretend that my candidacy still matters.

    Thank you, Congresswoman Bachmann

  63. Negropolis

    This is fucking pitiful. Not so much the debate, but that I keep watching them.

    Huntsman is on one of his realistic moments, which is always good.

    Fuck, the crowd is booing a gay serviceman for daring to ask a question. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

  64. smashaduck

    What fucking special fucking privilege?!?!?!!!!?!!!!!???????? Fuck you. Fuck. You. You. Fucking. Frothy. Asswipe. Fuck. You.

    1. Pristine_ODummy

      Well, you know. The special privilege of being allowed to live despite being gay which is so terribly frowned on in the New Testament that it has yet to be found in the pages thereof.

      I think I'll spend half an hour tonight googling and posting http://www.spreadingsantorum.com all over the InterNetz.

        1. Pristine_ODummy

          He could have ripped their heads off with one hand. I wonder if these fuckwits have a clue how many gay people serve.

  65. Callyson

    Did Ricky have the guts to serve in the military? Who is he to criticize those who are serving because of their sexual orientatio­n?

  66. SayItWithWookies

    Rick Santorum: I don't even want to think about hot Marines in a foxhole in the hot, sultry desert, stripped naked to the waist, sweating in the relentless heat of the sun…

    1. Pristine_ODummy

      … their muscles gleaming, the thrust of their boyish hips, their tight, tanned pecs …

      and that's where he usually has to leave for the restroom.

    1. Pristine_ODummy

      That neologism will outlive him, and all his children will change their name as adults, just to get away from it.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        "Dad, I am no longer Rick Santorum, Jr. I couldn't bear the constant humiliation of being associated with that word. From now on you can call me Dick Uranus."

    2. user-of-owls

      I was in the store today and saw this generic anti-fungal powder for men. Instead of going with something like KwikRelief or Scratch-No-More, the manufacturers simply named it (in huge bold letters: JOCK ITCH. Which, if you think about it, just eschews any adornment and puts things in plain black and white.

      Which is why I think Santorum should wear a big old-fashioned dunce cap with GOOGLE PROBLEM written on it in huge bold letters.

      1. not that Dewey

        While that's a capital idea for Santorum, it's a terrible idea from a pharmaceutical marketing perspective. Like Tylenol™ Headache, it sounds as though they're selling a big jar of the disease, rather than a treatment.

        It's bad enough trying to buy generic clotrimazole, which EVERYONE KNOWS is used to treat yeast infections. I mean, how do you look the cashier in the eye while holding a big bottle of JOCK ITCH?

  67. Callyson

    Why the hell should *anyone* care whether Perry and W get along or not? I mean, really, who gives a flying fuck?

  68. SayItWithWookies

    It's interesting how Ron Paul dances around every moral issue by framing it in terms of a states' rights vs. federal jurisdiction issue. You can excuse an awful lot of parochially evil thinking with that approach.

    1. anonymousryan

      What would you rather have? 100 poor fucks with families getting adequate healthcare to live or one pizza-loving CEO surviving cancer?! Like there's even a choice!

      1. Radiotherapy®

        I'll bet he didn't even give his delivery personnel health insurance. Oh that would be hilarious. Would any Wonkateers who have worked for Godfather's step forward……I didn't think so.

  69. SayItWithWookies

    Look everybody, a word cloud! What does it mean? It's got lots of words in it. Look at that big one. Now back to Chris Wallace.

  70. Negropolis

    Isn't that cute? They clap for a cancer survivor, but they'd boo you got well under anything besides expensive private insurances.

  71. Callyson

    FUCK you, Cain!
    My mom did not get her lung cancer diagnosis until less than a month before she died, thanks to not having health care. Shut up about Obamacare, you moron.

  72. Warpde

    Oh, NOOOOOO!
    Not Obumercare.
    You tell em Herman how if you have the money you have a chance.
    If not….too bad, so sad.

  73. SayItWithWookies

    Herman Cain wants bureaucrats out of healthcare. Bureaucrats like actuaries, accountants, economists, medical economists and all those other folks currently employed by his insurance company?

  74. Callyson

    Huntsman: we need affordable insurance policies.
    Yes, and that failure is why we need to kick the private sector insurance companies to the curb…

  75. SayItWithWookies

    Huntsman wants to give states the ability to experiment with healthcare coverage. Remember, this wouldn't even be an issue if President Obama's much-critized and bemoaned (on both sides) healthcare plan hadn't gone through. It's a big fucking deal.

  76. SayItWithWookies

    Wallace: Michele Bachmann, do you stand by the assertion that HPV vaccine causes retardation?
    Bachmann: Well, I don't have HPV, and look at me.

  77. Callyson

    Perry: people who object to the vaccine are too stupid to know what opt – out means.
    Audience: boos.
    Mittens must be jumping for joy…

  78. Negropolis

    Rick Perry FAIL. Whenever he answers questions concerning the vaccine, he just seems lost as to how to spin so that his crazy base will like it.

  79. SayItWithWookies

    Perry: I erred on the side of life and I will always err on the side of life. Except for innocent people on death row. Or firefighters. Or health insurance.

  80. Callyson

    Mittens: It's different than Obamacare. Obamacare puts someone between the patient and the physician.
    No, actually, it's the insurance companies that do that, thanks to "managed care"…

  81. SayItWithWookies

    Oh, Perry's failures in healthcare are the fault of the federal government tying his hands. Because he's got some realllllllly great ideas, and if only he wasn't prevented from enacting them, boyoboy, Texas would be the healthcare capital of the world. He'd be growing the planet's biggest leeches, for instance.

    1. Negropolis

      I've noticed that he always seems to run out of energy near the end of these things, less drunk, and more like he's going into a diabetic shock.

  82. Negropolis

    Perry is fucking stupid. Just plain stupid. Mitt Romney is winning this…just like he won all of the other ones. Rick Perry what? Rick Perry who?

  83. Radiotherapy®

    Why didn't Romney also point out Perry has NEVER worked in their precious private sector? I think they are just sitting on that one.

    1. anonymousryan

      Completely unrelated but that's the worst commercial ever. That beaker full of gout he has at the end is smaller but it's still looks like a fucking pain in the ass to carry around.

    1. Negropolis

      Behind the lectern sucking Romney's dick. You didn't hear? He endorsed him, today…after having used his entire time in the race attacking him.

  84. Warpde

    Sorry, gotta go.
    More pressing matter.
    Hockey games on.
    Better than, Blah, Blah, Blah, I'm a better lair then you…Blah, Blah, stupid fuck, Blah, Blah……Blah!!!!!

    I do have my priorities you know.

  85. Callyson

    Shelly: get jobs by repealing Obamacare.
    Yeah, that'll stop the increase in joblessness that started in *2008*…

  86. SayItWithWookies

    Ohio Gov. Kasich said "For the first time in my life, I'm worried about this country" quotes Fred Willard in his question. Okay, like how does this compare to their criticism of Michelle Obama's stating that she's proud of America? They're jumping on this Kasich quote like it's the gospel. If their president isn't going to give the malaise speech they so dearly want, they'll damn well give it themselves.

  87. SayItWithWookies

    Bachmann says the #1 reason companies aren't hiring is because of Obamacare? No, they're hoarding money and they can't get a decent rate on bonds.

  88. Callyson

    Paul: government destroys jobs.
    Except in Texas, where it plays a big role in creating the so – called Texas Miracle…

  89. SayItWithWookies

    That's so sweet how they all still let Ron Paul speak. It's like at recess how every so often the real athletic kids would let me dribble it all the way down the court for a layup. Not too often though — they didn't want to lose.

  90. Callyson

    Johnson:
    Consumption tax: fair. Those poor people should not be able to buy food tax free.
    Corporate tax: unfair. Those job creators need that money to develop more jobs that pay $10 per hour with no health care benefits…

  91. SayItWithWookies

    "President Obama is the new King George III." Thank you Rick Santorum for that extremely fecal analysis.

  92. Callyson

    Glad to see that the FOX anchor understands what we really want to see. Back to the Mittens – Perry catfight!

  93. SayItWithWookies

    Rick Perry hates gay marriage — except between Herman Cain and Newt Gingrich.

    [Darth Vader raises arm] Noooooooooooooo!

  94. iburl

    Wow, that crowd was ready to leave quick. They must have known Krauthammer was about to speak. Could he be any more of a Nazi stereotype?

        1. poncho_pilot

          everyone is deficient until they know at least half of the dialogue by heart.

          "I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. But i do say no more than ten to twenty million killed tops. Depending on the breaks."

    1. user-of-owls

      Could he be any more of a Nazi stereotype?

      Wait, now I'm confused. Wouldn't that make the crowd want to stay rather than leave quickly?

      1. iburl

        Teabaggers were told by Rush Limbaugh that Hitler was a liberal, vegetarian, socialist.

        Krauthammer can put events in perspective so that they fit nicely into the nakedly sadistic and brutally nihilistic world view of the FOX folks at home.

        1. glamourdammerung

          Well, Hitler was publicly vegetarian. So if Rush said that, he was actually right in spite of himself.

          1. Negropolis

            I think the joke is that they (conservatives) believe him to be liberal because he was a vegetarian and his party's name had "socialist" in it.

  95. Warpde

    Between periods……..
    I'm talking Hockey for Christ sake.

    Do you know how hard it is to keep reading and Upfisting?
    Hope you appreciate it you progressive bastards.

    1. Callyson

      My Pens won…I should have followed your lead and tuned into the ice, rather than the hearts and minds of ice. Next time…

  96. anonymousryan

    How does Charles Krauthammer get to the studio without villagers chasing him with pitchforks and torches?

  97. Negropolis

    You know, I have my own shovel-ready projects in mind, but they'd get me in trouble, because they'd require the digging of 6-foot plots…

  98. Doktor Zoom

    Huh. Perry, I think, is starting to look stupid even to teabaggers. Or actually, they don't mind stupid; they just don't think he hates illegals enough. So, OK, that's kind of a relief. Looks like we're back to frontrunner Mittens, who has the charisma of caffeinated Pawlenty.

  99. sati_demise

    "Mitt Romney wants to split (dyed black) hairs here, and say that what he thinks is that Obama is like other Western leaders, in that they are capitalist-socialist-democrat places. "

    Now, Ken, you know Mitt is trying to tie Obama to Hitler here.

    Wing nut speak can be hard to translate sometimes.

  100. SayItWithWookies

    So what I got out of this was that the most divisive issue among Republicans is immigration. Maybe it's time for Obama to send Congress an immigration bill and — since the majority of Fox news viewers think some sort of amnesty is the best solution — use it to cut up the lockstep Republicans. If the big fight for the GOP nomination comes down to immigration, it could easily alienate half of the party regardless of who their candidate is.

    1. BarackMyWorld

      I'm sure the fact that a LOT of Republicans supported the 2008 bail-out might be a close second, or any other issue that shows the divide between Libertarian and Wall Street Republicans.

  101. natoslug

    Those crafty Obama-ites — I wandered off during the debate for a while and the sneaky bastards called to beg for $200 from me. Must've known what the GOP debate was doing to my bp.

  102. Warpde

    You know that if you keep on putting up those feel good pic's, what with the stars? and stripy thingy, what exactly is that stripy thingy shit anyway?
    and…. what are those,..,.standing..,…,humans?
    Really?
    Fine then
    I'm voting for the fuzzy guy.

  103. 102415

    I just got here. It's mmmm 3:45. I skipped this bullshit. I ate a bag of candy instead and dressed the dolls at looklet . It was good. I watched Finian's Rainbow and a nasty white Senator got changed into Herman Cain the pizza guy and he sang a gospel song. Then he got turned back white and they put out the fire. I put pink socks on my model. The debates must be stopped they are just getting all the fucktards used to these nutty idears. The more people are exposed to a message the more they are likely to believe it. Look at how they are getting used to the idea of santorum all over everything. Good night.

  104. finallyhappy

    I didn't watch. Why do they have these debates every week? Anyway, last night was the premiere of a new show with Jesus and Ben stealing the idea of Minority Report(sort of). Perhaps my explanation is as obscure as anything the GOP non candidates had to say. Ok, now I have to leave for my volunteer job- it does have benefits- I can use the computer and the bathroom. Also sometimes, there is free coffee(but not too often)

    1. El Pinche

      Gotta love those rightwing fuckos sitting there comfortably in an AC'd auditorium booing a soldier. Now I remember the real reason why I'm purposely missing these GOP debates.

  105. BTWBFDIMHO

    She said zero taxes???!!! In other words, she wants to be a free-rider without paying for traffic lights, highways, national defense, police, schools, GPS, justice, clean air. Taxes are in the "Constitution", idiot.

  106. DaRooster

    FYI-
    If y'all don't hear from me for a while it is probably because I am back in jail… due to the fact that I am truly sick and tired of how awful folks have become toward each other. I swear the next person I hear say, "They should stop paying people unemployment." or, "I can't stand people that don't work." is gonna get a knuckle sammich… They should all go straight to H E double hockey sticks… I know, It won't do any good… but I will feel better.

  107. Tundra Grifter

    "I would say any type of sexual activity has absolutely no place in the military," Santorum said.

    Good luck with that one.

    1. glamourdammerung

      And from that statement, I now know without looking at his bio or his party affiliation, that he was not in the military.

  108. ttommyunger

    All this is so much bullshit. Barry's going to win a second term (if he can keep breathing) and here's why: Palin will endorse Perry, then at an appropriate time he will announce her as his running mate. Romney will get the Nomination, so P and P will run on the Tea Party Ticket, thereby splitting the Right vote in half. You're welcome.

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