O Thaddeus McCotter, we barely knew ye! (Actually we didn’t, at all.) Guitar-clad Thad is dropping out of his own struggling GOP presidential campaign tour, reportedly to go play backup for Mitt Romney’s death metal stadium tour. We hear Mittens has wild groupies! It is hard to write a sort of “presidential run obituary” on this one, because the only thing anyone on the whole Internet knows about Thaddeus McCotter is that he plays guitar and also this stuff we wrote about him exactly one other time, when he announced his bid. So, here is our tribute to Thaddeus McCotter, goodbye forever!
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Well, I might be distraught if I ever knew he was running. Or not.
Apparently his dreams were not his ticket out.
who???
T-Paw… oh, wait…
Has Ailes sent him a job offer yet?
Needs MOAR HAIR.
I vote in the congressional district which abuts his and I can tell you: this fucking jagoff couldn't run Livonia, MI, much less the US of A. Fuck him. Fuck him hard. I hope he spent, er, wasted, a million on his fools errand.
I join with you in this amusing hope.
It's really funning. I live in the next district over, and I hear that even his constituents don't particularly like him. He basically gets a free pass for not being publically offensive or loud. He's got to be the most invisible representative in the Michigan delegation. Hell, even the freshmen have more personality than this dude..
I agree with you and, unfortunately, I live in his district. He hasn't done anything worthwhile for the people of Livonia but so many of them are die-hard Republicans that they are willing to keep voting him into office. Which tells you a lot about people in Livonia, MI.
I don’t know if I can go on, you give all your heart to a candidate and then one day they just tell you it’s over….sob.
I still don't know who he is or care.
Which sets him apart from the rest of the GOP field … how?
This is just like that other time that someone I'd never heard of stopped doing something I didn't know they were doing.
Hopefully, Michele Bachmann will be freed up and available to play tambourine with his band real soon.
Or she can just shake her mostly empty head for, you know, percussion effects.
STEVIE NICKS LIBEL!!!1!
*finger to left nostril*
Well, according to http://www.classicrockmagazine.com, Atomic Rooster's guitar player just died. Maybe Thad could audition.
We hear Mittens has wild groupies!
Pics, or…
~
Looks like James Taylor and brings as much excitement.
James Taylor libel!!!1!!!
OK, he's friends with Carole King. I withdraw my snarkellette.
His mom named him Thaddeus, and God made him bald.
I'll withhold my derogatory comments, the man's suffered enough.
Perhaps he could audition for Lawrence Welk.
No, wait, Lawrence Welk is dead, too.
So is Thad, if only figuratively.
He's still more interesting than Tim Pawlenty.
Good LORD, Tommm, I thought we'd already established that earthworm castings are more interesting than Tim Pawlenty!
Who?
This is bad news for Newt Gingrich, who now goes back to having the silliest name in the Presidential race.
Sillier than Mitt?
Or Santorum?
Santorum is not silly – you have to clean it up fast or you'll never get the stains out!
He drove his Chevy to the levee … and over the edge, completely outta sight.
And nobody noticed. Nobody!
McCotter, a guitar-playing conservative and author of the book "Seize Freedom," has been a regular on Fox News late night programming and has a penchant for quoting rock lyrics on the House floor.
Here are some rock lyrics for McCotter:
We won't get fooled again
It's the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)
Kill kill kill kill Kill the poor:Tonight
I can't get no satisfaction
Now we're back on the train, yeah, oh, back on the chain gang
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me
"I'm not the world's most passionate man, but I know what I am and in bed I'm a man, and so's Santorum…"
Hey, a fun game! How about, also, too:
Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk
We're Only In It For The Money
Make A Jazz Noise Here
You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore
Any Way The Wind Blows
I Ain't Got No Heart
Go Cry On Somebody Else's Shoulder
You're Probably Wondering Why I'm Here
Help, I'm A Rock
My fingers are tired.
His name and face both remind me of something out of Stephen King.
Maybe now he can fulfill his rock dreams and go touring with R.E.M…
Wait, what?
He's…(wait for it)…Out of Time.
Everybody Hurts
He would do it, Automatic, for the People, but he was out of Green.
That would be the end of the world as we know it.
Thad McCotter: for those who think Tim Pawlenty is over-exposed.
Now that he's out, watch for the brutal jockeying to take over as lastest-place GOP candidate.
What about tonight's debate in Florida? Where's a live stream? Are we live blogging? Will they let the gay candidate appear? Will Huntsman call Perry a pederast?
Isn't everyone named Thaddeus dead? and is that a disqualifying condition or not?
Pretty sure being brain dead is a requirement for the GOP ticket.
We sweathogs say, "Welcome back, McCotter!"
He was just bragging the other day about getting close to 1% too. I was really hoping for more Thadmentum.
Well, with a name like "Thad," all the "mentum" in the world won't help, you know. Readers will just assume it refers to his Omentum, not his MOmentum.
This is excellent news . . . for Herman Cain!!!
Not really, unless Thad dropping out is somehow going to turn Herman Cain white.
Spoilsport!
Shhh! Herman doesn't know he's not white.
WIN
Isn't it just precious how the white people laugh at all his jokes and make him think he actually has a shot at even becoming vice president? Bless his heart. All they are thinking in their heads is "dance, monkey; dance."
I know. I'd feel bad for the guy, if he wasn't such an asshole in his own right.
Zing!
Prescient.
Exactly! McCotter dropping out was the event to instill the campaign with unstoppable Hermentum! Frontrunner status here we come!
A terrible blow to the GOP field.
Wait, who?
He's just making way so that Sarah Palin can enter and quit the race.
Flag guitar. Of course! Even if Obama could play, he's too un-American to play the red, white, and blue.
Yeah,Obama would play a black guitar, doncha know.
You know who else played a black guitar?
"Thad" is a douche name.
With apologies to any Thads out there in Wonkland. But you should really change your name.
Thad is a lawyer name. Oh, sorry, that's what you said.
(Apologies to the legal-Americans here in Wonkland.)
Like any Wonketteer would admit to having a douchey name like Thad.
Most Thads I have known, assuming it's short for Thaddeus, have gone by the name "Teddy". Nobody wants to be a Thad.
Damn! And I just had an idea for his campaign song. ♫ Thad's the way, unh huh, unh huh, I LIKE it, unh huh, unh huh! ♫
Ol' Thad's star-spangled Tele is a cheap Messican import. With his fat Congresso Amero paycheck he should be buyin' 'Murican.
Gee-tahr nativism is the best kind. Taylor, Martin, Gibson or GTFO.
Guild libel!
Part of Fender now, according to The Internet.
Mine's actually a Guild-Madeira C600 anyway, assembled in Japan from parts sourced who-knows-where. Sweet sound, though.
ain't nothing wrong with the Messican Tele. i've been playing one for 17 years. it turned me into a Messican but that's all bueno.
I hath a Thad.
win!
Very good.
Did he ever get to 1%?
Yes, but with a ±3% margin of error.
I think the only reason he ran was so he could withdraw and set up this awesome headline (or whatever you call the top letters that are big and bold–a lead?) for Kristin. Who's first with the pun? "Big, Bad Thad". Or shall we stick to the rhymes?
Tho thad about thith guy.
Will Perry even know what a pederast is if Huntsman calls him one?
He was literally running last place in nearly every poll. Hell, he was runnning damn-near last place in the primary here in Michigan where most of the state doesn't know who he is, either.
Thad would have never made it even if he had been exposed to the public. Hell, the dude was for union-backed card check (something even some conservadems weren't for) and collective bargaining rights. You can't be from the Republican-locales of Metro Detroit without owning some Democratic-leaning ideas in an area with so many auto workers.
Goodbye, Tedious McBother.
Ooh, ooh, Mr. McCotter…
(#rehash… but I couldn't help it)
T-Paw and Thad,
If I knew ya a tad,
I might now have lain
With the big brown stain,
leaking out of Santorum….ewwww
Welcome back? To spending more time with your family? With Mitt Romney's family?
Romney's groupies? Mormon women covered in their magic underwear? How erotic! Well, maybe.
Thad's future plans include a Band with fellow guitarists Mike Huckabee and Ted Nugent; vocals by Toby Keith. Possible names include: "Traveling Dingleberries", "Blood, Sweat and Fear", "The Mama's and the Mama's" and "The Horribly Off-Key Dipshits".
Thad's all she wrote.
Nice. I've got a Gibson Bluegrass Special and Martin Mahogany Dreadnaught. Love them both almost as much as booze.
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