CAMPAIGN OBITS  5:31 pm September 22, 2011

Sad Thad: McCotter Drops Out of Presidential Race

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

O Thaddeus McCotter, we barely knew ye! (Actually we didn’t, at all.) Guitar-clad Thad is dropping out of his own struggling GOP presidential campaign tour, reportedly to go play backup for Mitt Romney’s death metal stadium tour. We hear Mittens has wild groupies! It is hard to write a sort of “presidential run obituary” on this one, because the only thing anyone on the whole Internet knows about Thaddeus McCotter is that he plays guitar and also this stuff we wrote about him exactly one other time, when he announced his bid. So, here is our tribute to Thaddeus McCotter, goodbye forever!

[Detroit News]

 
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{ 93 comments }

Mort_Sinclair September 22, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Well, I might be distraught if I ever knew he was running. Or not.

GunToting[Redacted] September 22, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Apparently his dreams were not his ticket out.

MOG2410 September 22, 2011 at 5:37 pm

who???

DaRooster September 23, 2011 at 9:32 am

T-Paw… oh, wait…

V572 Moon! September 22, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Has Ailes sent him a job offer yet?

Pristine_ODummy September 22, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Needs MOAR HAIR.

PuckStopsHere September 22, 2011 at 5:46 pm

I vote in the congressional district which abuts his and I can tell you: this fucking jagoff couldn't run Livonia, MI, much less the US of A. Fuck him. Fuck him hard. I hope he spent, er, wasted, a million on his fools errand.

Pristine_ODummy September 22, 2011 at 8:57 pm

I join with you in this amusing hope.

Negropolis September 23, 2011 at 8:00 am

It's really funning. I live in the next district over, and I hear that even his constituents don't particularly like him. He basically gets a free pass for not being publically offensive or loud. He's got to be the most invisible representative in the Michigan delegation. Hell, even the freshmen have more personality than this dude..

miss_grundy September 26, 2011 at 10:48 pm

I agree with you and, unfortunately, I live in his district. He hasn't done anything worthwhile for the people of Livonia but so many of them are die-hard Republicans that they are willing to keep voting him into office. Which tells you a lot about people in Livonia, MI.

Goonemeritus September 22, 2011 at 5:46 pm

I don’t know if I can go on, you give all your heart to a candidate and then one day they just tell you it’s over….sob.

finallyhappy September 22, 2011 at 5:46 pm

I still don't know who he is or care.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 22, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Which sets him apart from the rest of the GOP field … how?

SayItWithWookies September 22, 2011 at 5:47 pm

This is just like that other time that someone I'd never heard of stopped doing something I didn't know they were doing.

Barb September 22, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Hopefully, Michele Bachmann will be freed up and available to play tambourine with his band real soon.

Pristine_ODummy September 22, 2011 at 8:58 pm

Or she can just shake her mostly empty head for, you know, percussion effects.

flamingpdog September 22, 2011 at 11:10 pm

STEVIE NICKS LIBEL!!!1!

*finger to left nostril*

johnnymeatworth September 22, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Well, according to http://www.classicrockmagazine.com, Atomic Rooster's guitar player just died. Maybe Thad could audition.

ifthethunderdontgetya September 22, 2011 at 5:47 pm

We hear Mittens has wild groupies!

Pics, or…
~

chascates September 22, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Looks like James Taylor and brings as much excitement.

Texan_Bulldog September 22, 2011 at 7:13 pm

James Taylor libel!!!1!!!

chascates September 22, 2011 at 9:32 pm

OK, he's friends with Carole King. I withdraw my snarkellette.

BloviateMe September 22, 2011 at 5:54 pm

His mom named him Thaddeus, and God made him bald.

I'll withhold my derogatory comments, the man's suffered enough.

bureaucrap September 22, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Perhaps he could audition for Lawrence Welk.

No, wait, Lawrence Welk is dead, too.

Pristine_ODummy September 22, 2011 at 8:59 pm

So is Thad, if only figuratively.

Tommmcattt September 22, 2011 at 6:04 pm

He's still more interesting than Tim Pawlenty.

Pristine_ODummy September 22, 2011 at 9:00 pm

Good LORD, Tommm, I thought we'd already established that earthworm castings are more interesting than Tim Pawlenty!

vulpes82 September 23, 2011 at 8:47 am

Who?

SorosBot September 22, 2011 at 6:04 pm

This is bad news for Newt Gingrich, who now goes back to having the silliest name in the Presidential race.

HistoriCat September 22, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Sillier than Mitt?

not that Dewey September 22, 2011 at 10:26 pm

Or Santorum?

HistoriCat September 23, 2011 at 9:14 am

Santorum is not silly – you have to clean it up fast or you'll never get the stains out!

flamingpdog September 22, 2011 at 6:05 pm

He drove his Chevy to the levee … and over the edge, completely outta sight.

Pristine_ODummy September 22, 2011 at 9:00 pm

And nobody noticed. Nobody!

Callyson September 22, 2011 at 6:06 pm

McCotter, a guitar-playing conservative and author of the book "Seize Freedom," has been a regular on Fox News late night programming and has a penchant for quoting rock lyrics on the House floor.
Here are some rock lyrics for McCotter:
We won't get fooled again
It's the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)
Kill kill kill kill Kill the poor:Tonight
I can't get no satisfaction
Now we're back on the train, yeah, oh, back on the chain gang
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me

mourningnmerica September 22, 2011 at 6:58 pm

"I'm not the world's most passionate man, but I know what I am and in bed I'm a man, and so's Santorum…"

Pristine_ODummy September 22, 2011 at 8:56 pm

Hey, a fun game! How about, also, too:

Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk
We're Only In It For The Money
Make A Jazz Noise Here
You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore
Any Way The Wind Blows
I Ain't Got No Heart
Go Cry On Somebody Else's Shoulder
You're Probably Wondering Why I'm Here
Help, I'm A Rock

My fingers are tired.

bumfug September 22, 2011 at 6:11 pm

His name and face both remind me of something out of Stephen King.

SorosBot September 22, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Maybe now he can fulfill his rock dreams and go touring with R.E.M…

Wait, what?

BarackMyWorld September 22, 2011 at 6:27 pm

He's…(wait for it)…Out of Time.

MissTaken September 22, 2011 at 6:56 pm

Everybody Hurts

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 22, 2011 at 7:06 pm

He would do it, Automatic, for the People, but he was out of Green.

starfanglednut September 23, 2011 at 11:13 pm

That would be the end of the world as we know it.

Lucidamente1 September 22, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Thad McCotter: for those who think Tim Pawlenty is over-exposed.

LesBontemps September 22, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Now that he's out, watch for the brutal jockeying to take over as lastest-place GOP candidate.

V572 Moon! September 22, 2011 at 6:32 pm

What about tonight's debate in Florida? Where's a live stream? Are we live blogging? Will they let the gay candidate appear? Will Huntsman call Perry a pederast?

orygoon September 22, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Isn't everyone named Thaddeus dead? and is that a disqualifying condition or not?

Sue4466 September 22, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Pretty sure being brain dead is a requirement for the GOP ticket.

MiniMencken September 22, 2011 at 6:55 pm

We sweathogs say, "Welcome back, McCotter!"

glamourdammerung September 22, 2011 at 7:00 pm

He was just bragging the other day about getting close to 1% too. I was really hoping for more Thadmentum.

Pristine_ODummy September 22, 2011 at 8:48 pm

Well, with a name like "Thad," all the "mentum" in the world won't help, you know. Readers will just assume it refers to his Omentum, not his MOmentum.

tcaalaw September 22, 2011 at 7:03 pm

This is excellent news . . . for Herman Cain!!!

glamourdammerung September 22, 2011 at 7:04 pm

Not really, unless Thad dropping out is somehow going to turn Herman Cain white.

tcaalaw September 22, 2011 at 7:26 pm

Spoilsport!

Pristine_ODummy September 22, 2011 at 8:47 pm

Shhh! Herman doesn't know he's not white.

Negropolis September 23, 2011 at 8:08 am

WIN

Isn't it just precious how the white people laugh at all his jokes and make him think he actually has a shot at even becoming vice president? Bless his heart. All they are thinking in their heads is "dance, monkey; dance."

starfanglednut September 23, 2011 at 11:15 pm

I know. I'd feel bad for the guy, if he wasn't such an asshole in his own right.

starfanglednut September 23, 2011 at 11:14 pm

Zing!

horsedreamer_1 September 25, 2011 at 11:15 pm

Prescient.

tcaalaw September 26, 2011 at 12:05 am

Exactly! McCotter dropping out was the event to instill the campaign with unstoppable Hermentum! Frontrunner status here we come!

Sue4466 September 22, 2011 at 7:06 pm

A terrible blow to the GOP field.

Wait, who?

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 22, 2011 at 7:08 pm

He's just making way so that Sarah Palin can enter and quit the race.

Schmannnity September 22, 2011 at 7:15 pm

Flag guitar. Of course! Even if Obama could play, he's too un-American to play the red, white, and blue.

starfanglednut September 23, 2011 at 11:17 pm

Yeah,Obama would play a black guitar, doncha know.

horsedreamer_1 September 24, 2011 at 1:01 pm

You know who else played a black guitar?

BaldarTFlagass September 22, 2011 at 7:18 pm

"Thad" is a douche name.

With apologies to any Thads out there in Wonkland. But you should really change your name.

Spurning Beer September 22, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Thad is a lawyer name. Oh, sorry, that's what you said.

(Apologies to the legal-Americans here in Wonkland.)

Pristine_ODummy September 22, 2011 at 9:02 pm

Like any Wonketteer would admit to having a douchey name like Thad.

not that Dewey September 22, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Most Thads I have known, assuming it's short for Thaddeus, have gone by the name "Teddy". Nobody wants to be a Thad.

flamingpdog September 22, 2011 at 11:20 pm

Damn! And I just had an idea for his campaign song. ♫ Thad's the way, unh huh, unh huh, I LIKE it, unh huh, unh huh! ♫

weejee September 22, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Ol' Thad's star-spangled Tele is a cheap Messican import. With his fat Congresso Amero paycheck he should be buyin' 'Murican.

V572 Moon! September 22, 2011 at 8:40 pm

Gee-tahr nativism is the best kind. Taylor, Martin, Gibson or GTFO.

AJWjr. September 24, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Guild libel!

V572 Moon! September 24, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Part of Fender now, according to The Internet.

AJWjr. September 24, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Mine's actually a Guild-Madeira C600 anyway, assembled in Japan from parts sourced who-knows-where. Sweet sound, though.

poncho_pilot September 23, 2011 at 3:34 am

ain't nothing wrong with the Messican Tele. i've been playing one for 17 years. it turned me into a Messican but that's all bueno.

Gleem_McShineys September 22, 2011 at 8:28 pm

I hath a Thad.

poncho_pilot September 23, 2011 at 3:34 am

win!

starfanglednut September 23, 2011 at 11:19 pm

Very good.

Pristine_ODummy September 22, 2011 at 8:45 pm

Did he ever get to 1%?

V572 Moon! September 22, 2011 at 8:54 pm

Yes, but with a ±3% margin of error.

DustBowlBlues September 22, 2011 at 9:03 pm

I think the only reason he ran was so he could withdraw and set up this awesome headline (or whatever you call the top letters that are big and bold–a lead?) for Kristin. Who's first with the pun? "Big, Bad Thad". Or shall we stick to the rhymes?

not that Dewey September 22, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Tho thad about thith guy.

flamingpdog September 22, 2011 at 11:14 pm

Will Perry even know what a pederast is if Huntsman calls him one?

Negropolis September 23, 2011 at 7:57 am

He was literally running last place in nearly every poll. Hell, he was runnning damn-near last place in the primary here in Michigan where most of the state doesn't know who he is, either.

Negropolis September 23, 2011 at 8:15 am

Thad would have never made it even if he had been exposed to the public. Hell, the dude was for union-backed card check (something even some conservadems weren't for) and collective bargaining rights. You can't be from the Republican-locales of Metro Detroit without owning some Democratic-leaning ideas in an area with so many auto workers.

Goodbye, Tedious McBother.

DaRooster September 23, 2011 at 9:34 am

Ooh, ooh, Mr. McCotter…

(#rehash… but I couldn't help it)

hagajim September 23, 2011 at 10:50 am

T-Paw and Thad,
If I knew ya a tad,
I might now have lain
With the big brown stain,
leaking out of Santorum….ewwww

Rosie_Scenario September 23, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Welcome back? To spending more time with your family? With Mitt Romney's family?

NickDanger007 September 23, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Romney's groupies? Mormon women covered in their magic underwear? How erotic! Well, maybe.

ttommyunger September 23, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Thad's future plans include a Band with fellow guitarists Mike Huckabee and Ted Nugent; vocals by Toby Keith. Possible names include: "Traveling Dingleberries", "Blood, Sweat and Fear", "The Mama's and the Mama's" and "The Horribly Off-Key Dipshits".

horsedreamer_1 September 24, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Thad's all she wrote.

V572 Moon! September 24, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Nice. I've got a Gibson Bluegrass Special and Martin Mahogany Dreadnaught. Love them both almost as much as booze.

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