campaign obits

Sad Thad: McCotter Drops Out of Presidential Race

O Thaddeus McCotter, we barely knew ye! (Actually we didn’t, at all.) Guitar-clad Thad is dropping out of his own struggling GOP presidential campaign tour, reportedly to go play backup for Mitt Romney’s death metal stadium tour. We hear Mittens has wild groupies! It is hard to write a sort of “presidential run obituary” on this one, because the only thing anyone on the whole Internet knows about Thaddeus McCotter is that he plays guitar and also this stuff we wrote about him exactly one other time, when he announced his bid. So, here is our tribute to Thaddeus McCotter, goodbye forever!

[Detroit News]

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  1. PuckStopsHere

    I vote in the congressional district which abuts his and I can tell you: this fucking jagoff couldn't run Livonia, MI, much less the US of A. Fuck him. Fuck him hard. I hope he spent, er, wasted, a million on his fools errand.

    1. Negropolis

      It's really funning. I live in the next district over, and I hear that even his constituents don't particularly like him. He basically gets a free pass for not being publically offensive or loud. He's got to be the most invisible representative in the Michigan delegation. Hell, even the freshmen have more personality than this dude..

    2. miss_grundy

      I agree with you and, unfortunately, I live in his district. He hasn't done anything worthwhile for the people of Livonia but so many of them are die-hard Republicans that they are willing to keep voting him into office. Which tells you a lot about people in Livonia, MI.

  2. Goonemeritus

    I don’t know if I can go on, you give all your heart to a candidate and then one day they just tell you it’s over….sob.

  3. SayItWithWookies

    This is just like that other time that someone I'd never heard of stopped doing something I didn't know they were doing.

  4. BloviateMe

    His mom named him Thaddeus, and God made him bald.

    I'll withhold my derogatory comments, the man's suffered enough.

    1. Pristine_ODummy

      Good LORD, Tommm, I thought we'd already established that earthworm castings are more interesting than Tim Pawlenty!

  5. SorosBot

    This is bad news for Newt Gingrich, who now goes back to having the silliest name in the Presidential race.

  6. Callyson

    McCotter, a guitar-playing conservative and author of the book "Seize Freedom," has been a regular on Fox News late night programming and has a penchant for quoting rock lyrics on the House floor.
    Here are some rock lyrics for McCotter:
    We won't get fooled again
    It's the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)
    Kill kill kill kill Kill the poor:Tonight
    I can't get no satisfaction
    Now we're back on the train, yeah, oh, back on the chain gang
    I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me

    1. mourningnmerica

      "I'm not the world's most passionate man, but I know what I am and in bed I'm a man, and so's Santorum…"

    2. Pristine_ODummy

      Hey, a fun game! How about, also, too:

      Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk
      We're Only In It For The Money
      Make A Jazz Noise Here
      You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore
      Any Way The Wind Blows
      I Ain't Got No Heart
      Go Cry On Somebody Else's Shoulder
      You're Probably Wondering Why I'm Here
      Help, I'm A Rock

      My fingers are tired.

  7. V572 Moon!

    What about tonight's debate in Florida? Where's a live stream? Are we live blogging? Will they let the gay candidate appear? Will Huntsman call Perry a pederast?

  8. glamourdammerung

    He was just bragging the other day about getting close to 1% too. I was really hoping for more Thadmentum.

    1. Pristine_ODummy

      Well, with a name like "Thad," all the "mentum" in the world won't help, you know. Readers will just assume it refers to his Omentum, not his MOmentum.

      1. Negropolis


        Isn't it just precious how the white people laugh at all his jokes and make him think he actually has a shot at even becoming vice president? Bless his heart. All they are thinking in their heads is "dance, monkey; dance."

      1. tcaalaw

        Exactly! McCotter dropping out was the event to instill the campaign with unstoppable Hermentum! Frontrunner status here we come!

  9. Schmannnity

    Flag guitar. Of course! Even if Obama could play, he's too un-American to play the red, white, and blue.

  10. BaldarTFlagass

    "Thad" is a douche name.

    With apologies to any Thads out there in Wonkland. But you should really change your name.

    1. not that Dewey

      Most Thads I have known, assuming it's short for Thaddeus, have gone by the name "Teddy". Nobody wants to be a Thad.

    2. flamingpdog

      Damn! And I just had an idea for his campaign song. ♫ Thad's the way, unh huh, unh huh, I LIKE it, unh huh, unh huh! ♫

          1. AJWjr.

            Mine's actually a Guild-Madeira C600 anyway, assembled in Japan from parts sourced who-knows-where. Sweet sound, though.

          2. V572 Moon!

            Nice. I've got a Gibson Bluegrass Special and Martin Mahogany Dreadnaught. Love them both almost as much as booze.

    1. poncho_pilot

      ain't nothing wrong with the Messican Tele. i've been playing one for 17 years. it turned me into a Messican but that's all bueno.

  11. DustBowlBlues

    I think the only reason he ran was so he could withdraw and set up this awesome headline (or whatever you call the top letters that are big and bold–a lead?) for Kristin. Who's first with the pun? "Big, Bad Thad". Or shall we stick to the rhymes?

  12. Negropolis

    He was literally running last place in nearly every poll. Hell, he was runnning damn-near last place in the primary here in Michigan where most of the state doesn't know who he is, either.

  13. Negropolis

    Thad would have never made it even if he had been exposed to the public. Hell, the dude was for union-backed card check (something even some conservadems weren't for) and collective bargaining rights. You can't be from the Republican-locales of Metro Detroit without owning some Democratic-leaning ideas in an area with so many auto workers.

    Goodbye, Tedious McBother.

  14. hagajim

    T-Paw and Thad,
    If I knew ya a tad,
    I might now have lain
    With the big brown stain,
    leaking out of Santorum….ewwww

  15. ttommyunger

    Thad's future plans include a Band with fellow guitarists Mike Huckabee and Ted Nugent; vocals by Toby Keith. Possible names include: "Traveling Dingleberries", "Blood, Sweat and Fear", "The Mama's and the Mama's" and "The Horribly Off-Key Dipshits".

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