campaign obits

Sad Thad: McCotter Drops Out of Presidential Race

O Thaddeus McCotter, we barely knew ye! (Actually we didn’t, at all.) Guitar-clad Thad is dropping out of his own struggling GOP presidential campaign tour, reportedly to go play backup for Mitt Romney’s death metal stadium tour. We hear Mittens has wild groupies! It is hard to write a sort of “presidential run obituary” on this one, because the only thing anyone on the whole Internet knows about Thaddeus McCotter is that he plays guitar and also this stuff we wrote about him exactly one other time, when he announced his bid. So, here is our tribute to Thaddeus McCotter, goodbye forever!

[Detroit News]

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Mort_Sinclair

    Well, I might be distraught if I ever knew he was running. Or not.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Apparently his dreams were not his ticket out.

  • MOG2410

    who???

    • DaRooster

      T-Paw… oh, wait…

  • V572 Moon!

    Has Ailes sent him a job offer yet?

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Needs MOAR HAIR.

  • PuckStopsHere

    I vote in the congressional district which abuts his and I can tell you: this fucking jagoff couldn't run Livonia, MI, much less the US of A. Fuck him. Fuck him hard. I hope he spent, er, wasted, a million on his fools errand.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      I join with you in this amusing hope.

    • Negropolis

      It's really funning. I live in the next district over, and I hear that even his constituents don't particularly like him. He basically gets a free pass for not being publically offensive or loud. He's got to be the most invisible representative in the Michigan delegation. Hell, even the freshmen have more personality than this dude..

    • miss_grundy

      I agree with you and, unfortunately, I live in his district. He hasn't done anything worthwhile for the people of Livonia but so many of them are die-hard Republicans that they are willing to keep voting him into office. Which tells you a lot about people in Livonia, MI.

  • Goonemeritus

    I don’t know if I can go on, you give all your heart to a candidate and then one day they just tell you it’s over….sob.

  • finallyhappy

    I still don't know who he is or care.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Which sets him apart from the rest of the GOP field … how?

  • SayItWithWookies

    This is just like that other time that someone I'd never heard of stopped doing something I didn't know they were doing.

  • Barb

    Hopefully, Michele Bachmann will be freed up and available to play tambourine with his band real soon.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Or she can just shake her mostly empty head for, you know, percussion effects.

    • flamingpdog

      STEVIE NICKS LIBEL!!!1!

      *finger to left nostril*

  • johnnymeatworth

    Well, according to http://www.classicrockmagazine.com, Atomic Rooster's guitar player just died. Maybe Thad could audition.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    We hear Mittens has wild groupies!

    Pics, or…
    ~

  • chascates

    Looks like James Taylor and brings as much excitement.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      James Taylor libel!!!1!!!

      • chascates

        OK, he's friends with Carole King. I withdraw my snarkellette.

  • BloviateMe

    His mom named him Thaddeus, and God made him bald.

    I'll withhold my derogatory comments, the man's suffered enough.

  • bureaucrap

    Perhaps he could audition for Lawrence Welk.

    No, wait, Lawrence Welk is dead, too.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      So is Thad, if only figuratively.

  • Tommmcattt

    He's still more interesting than Tim Pawlenty.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Good LORD, Tommm, I thought we'd already established that earthworm castings are more interesting than Tim Pawlenty!

    • vulpes82

      Who?

  • SorosBot

    This is bad news for Newt Gingrich, who now goes back to having the silliest name in the Presidential race.

    • HistoriCat

      Sillier than Mitt?

      • not that Dewey

        Or Santorum?

        • HistoriCat

          Santorum is not silly – you have to clean it up fast or you'll never get the stains out!

  • flamingpdog

    He drove his Chevy to the levee … and over the edge, completely outta sight.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      And nobody noticed. Nobody!

  • Callyson

    McCotter, a guitar-playing conservative and author of the book "Seize Freedom," has been a regular on Fox News late night programming and has a penchant for quoting rock lyrics on the House floor.
    Here are some rock lyrics for McCotter:
    We won't get fooled again
    It's the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)
    Kill kill kill kill Kill the poor:Tonight
    I can't get no satisfaction
    Now we're back on the train, yeah, oh, back on the chain gang
    I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me

    • mourningnmerica

      "I'm not the world's most passionate man, but I know what I am and in bed I'm a man, and so's Santorum…"

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Hey, a fun game! How about, also, too:

      Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk
      We're Only In It For The Money
      Make A Jazz Noise Here
      You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore
      Any Way The Wind Blows
      I Ain't Got No Heart
      Go Cry On Somebody Else's Shoulder
      You're Probably Wondering Why I'm Here
      Help, I'm A Rock

      My fingers are tired.

  • bumfug

    His name and face both remind me of something out of Stephen King.

  • SorosBot

    Maybe now he can fulfill his rock dreams and go touring with R.E.M…

    Wait, what?

    • BarackMyWorld

      He's…(wait for it)…Out of Time.

    • MissTaken

      Everybody Hurts

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      He would do it, Automatic, for the People, but he was out of Green.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      That would be the end of the world as we know it.

  • Lucidamente1

    Thad McCotter: for those who think Tim Pawlenty is over-exposed.

  • LesBontemps

    Now that he's out, watch for the brutal jockeying to take over as lastest-place GOP candidate.

  • V572 Moon!

    What about tonight's debate in Florida? Where's a live stream? Are we live blogging? Will they let the gay candidate appear? Will Huntsman call Perry a pederast?

  • orygoon

    Isn't everyone named Thaddeus dead? and is that a disqualifying condition or not?

    • Sue4466

      Pretty sure being brain dead is a requirement for the GOP ticket.

  • MiniMencken

    We sweathogs say, "Welcome back, McCotter!"

  • glamourdammerung

    He was just bragging the other day about getting close to 1% too. I was really hoping for more Thadmentum.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Well, with a name like "Thad," all the "mentum" in the world won't help, you know. Readers will just assume it refers to his Omentum, not his MOmentum.

  • tcaalaw

    This is excellent news . . . for Herman Cain!!!

    • glamourdammerung

      Not really, unless Thad dropping out is somehow going to turn Herman Cain white.

      • tcaalaw

        Spoilsport!

      • Pristine_ODummy

        Shhh! Herman doesn't know he's not white.

      • Negropolis

        WIN

        Isn't it just precious how the white people laugh at all his jokes and make him think he actually has a shot at even becoming vice president? Bless his heart. All they are thinking in their heads is "dance, monkey; dance."

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          I know. I'd feel bad for the guy, if he wasn't such an asshole in his own right.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Zing!

    • horsedreamer_1

      Prescient.

      • tcaalaw

        Exactly! McCotter dropping out was the event to instill the campaign with unstoppable Hermentum! Frontrunner status here we come!

  • Sue4466

    A terrible blow to the GOP field.

    Wait, who?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    He's just making way so that Sarah Palin can enter and quit the race.

  • Schmannnity

    Flag guitar. Of course! Even if Obama could play, he's too un-American to play the red, white, and blue.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Yeah,Obama would play a black guitar, doncha know.

      • horsedreamer_1

        You know who else played a black guitar?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Thad" is a douche name.

    With apologies to any Thads out there in Wonkland. But you should really change your name.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Thad is a lawyer name. Oh, sorry, that's what you said.

      (Apologies to the legal-Americans here in Wonkland.)

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Like any Wonketteer would admit to having a douchey name like Thad.

    • not that Dewey

      Most Thads I have known, assuming it's short for Thaddeus, have gone by the name "Teddy". Nobody wants to be a Thad.

    • flamingpdog

      Damn! And I just had an idea for his campaign song. ♫ Thad's the way, unh huh, unh huh, I LIKE it, unh huh, unh huh! ♫

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Ol' Thad's star-spangled Tele is a cheap Messican import. With his fat Congresso Amero paycheck he should be buyin' 'Murican.

    • V572 Moon!

      Gee-tahr nativism is the best kind. Taylor, Martin, Gibson or GTFO.

      • AJWjr.

        Guild libel!

        • V572 Moon!

          Part of Fender now, according to The Internet.

          • AJWjr.

            Mine's actually a Guild-Madeira C600 anyway, assembled in Japan from parts sourced who-knows-where. Sweet sound, though.

          • V572 Moon!

            Nice. I've got a Gibson Bluegrass Special and Martin Mahogany Dreadnaught. Love them both almost as much as booze.

    • poncho_pilot

      ain't nothing wrong with the Messican Tele. i've been playing one for 17 years. it turned me into a Messican but that's all bueno.

  • Gleem_McShineys

    I hath a Thad.

    • poncho_pilot

      win!

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Very good.

  • Pristine_ODummy

    Did he ever get to 1%?

    • V572 Moon!

      Yes, but with a ±3% margin of error.

  • DustBowlBlues

    I think the only reason he ran was so he could withdraw and set up this awesome headline (or whatever you call the top letters that are big and bold–a lead?) for Kristin. Who's first with the pun? "Big, Bad Thad". Or shall we stick to the rhymes?

    • not that Dewey

      Tho thad about thith guy.

  • flamingpdog

    Will Perry even know what a pederast is if Huntsman calls him one?

  • Negropolis

    He was literally running last place in nearly every poll. Hell, he was runnning damn-near last place in the primary here in Michigan where most of the state doesn't know who he is, either.

  • Negropolis

    Thad would have never made it even if he had been exposed to the public. Hell, the dude was for union-backed card check (something even some conservadems weren't for) and collective bargaining rights. You can't be from the Republican-locales of Metro Detroit without owning some Democratic-leaning ideas in an area with so many auto workers.

    Goodbye, Tedious McBother.

  • DaRooster

    Ooh, ooh, Mr. McCotter…

    (#rehash… but I couldn't help it)

  • hagajim

    T-Paw and Thad,
    If I knew ya a tad,
    I might now have lain
    With the big brown stain,
    leaking out of Santorum….ewwww

  • Rosie_Scenario

    Welcome back? To spending more time with your family? With Mitt Romney's family?

  • NickDanger007

    Romney's groupies? Mormon women covered in their magic underwear? How erotic! Well, maybe.

  • ttommyunger

    Thad's future plans include a Band with fellow guitarists Mike Huckabee and Ted Nugent; vocals by Toby Keith. Possible names include: "Traveling Dingleberries", "Blood, Sweat and Fear", "The Mama's and the Mama's" and "The Horribly Off-Key Dipshits".

  • horsedreamer_1

    Thad's all she wrote.