There is that saying, about imitation and flattery and whatever, but all we know is that here is another insane campaign commercial starring a bunch of demon creatures, not unlike the beloved Demon Sheep of Carly Fiorina, circa 2010. This strange video does not really come close to being that terrifying, but it is still bizarre and confusing, because since when does Bigfoot live in Texas, first of all?
In case you have not noticed, the state of Texas is basically being overrun by mythical monsters. They are everywhere, people see them all the time! But the good people of Texas cannot seem to find their Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst. He is lost, or has been abducted by chupacabras, most likely! Therefore, elect Ted Cruz for U.S. Senate?
Demon Sheep is tough to top, but that’s what Ted Cruz’s campaign is aiming for in this web video castigating Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst.
Instead of a wolf in sheep’s clothing, Cruz is likening Dewhurst to the elusive “Chupacabra” or “Bigfoot.”
“Since he entered the race on July 21, Dewhurst has skipped nine candidate forums,” charges the narrator. “He simply won’t stand and answer hard questions from grass-roots voters.”
Whatever is actually happening in these wingnut campaign strategy sessions, we would prefer not to know! [Youtube/POLITICO]
{ 101 comments }
They're not going to act out scenes from Mad Men… more like 2 and 1/2 Men.
TIGER BLOOD LIBEL!!1!
Sounds more like 1/2 men half deity-only-knows-what.
Chupacabras? What next?
2 and 1/2 Mad Men?
Well done, Timmy Mitchell's fifth grade class, well done!
Gold stars and Little Debbies for everyone!
Let's eat the old ones first.
The stale ones are the best ones.
..if you dunk 'em in milk.
the only thing worse than being abducted by chupacabras is being abducted by Texans.
And anally probed by them. Also.
I always suspected that Tejans were behind that…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xz7sBTHtcLU
Twisted ass freaks!
I spent 30 years of my life in Texas. Texas is freakin' nuts.
I thought anal probing was still illegal in Texas.
I suggest Ted Cruz and Dave Dewhurst meet at high noon in front of the Capitol here in Austin and shoot it out. And Rick Perry can stand between them and do a countdown with his watch.
many upfists.
Ted Cruz can't make it. He's gotta thing with a guy somewhere…
Bigfoot and demon sheep aren't awesome enough; dragons or GTFO. And those dragons had better look good.
i loved 'reign of fire'.
there. i said it.
Needz moar emo-vampires and twinkie werewolves.
My former Light Governor, skipping, tiptoeing, through the fields of maddened Republican big-haired wimmens. Wow, what an image that is. (Smiles. Drinks!)
Unlike the Demon Sheep of California, this ad was intentionally lulzy and on-message. Silly, but effectively so.
That said, I think I'd rather have Bigfoot as my senator than someone who's concerned that Rick Perry's Lt Gov might be a bit to milquetoast conservative…
Meh. "South Park" has better animation.
Loooks like somebody finally learned how to use Macromedia Studio 1.0. Needs moar wildfires, also.
Honest question: what's a "grass-roots voter?"
Oh, it's just some guy. Or some lady. Just like you and me, you know. Someone who has hopes, and dreams. Someone who longs for an America run by the same common-sense ideals that we all want. Like Liberty. And Responsibility. And doing what's right. Not like those Washington bureaucrats who can't get their noses out of the Beltway long enough to know what's going on in America. So a grass-roots voter is you. A grass-roots voter is us.
Does that clear things up for you?
No. But thanking you politely, anyway.
It means all the people on earth. Plus the tea-baggers.
That makes 99% of voters grass-roots. And only a small percentage are tea party.
That's pretty much the point. "Grass-Roots Voters" means absolutely nothing, and can be interpreted by anyone to mean anyone at all that is "like them".
And that's why I'm wearing a bag on my head.
I thought it meant enfranchised worms and moles.
You know – morons.
In this commercial, absolutely!!!
It's similar to a crony voter.
"Oh, it's just some guy. Or some lady. Just like you and me, you know. Someone who has hopes, and dreams. Someone who longs for an America run by the same common-sense ideals that we all want. Like Liberty. And Responsibility. And doing what's right. Not like those Washington bureaucrats who can't get their noses out of the Beltway long enough to know what's going on in America. So a grass-roots voter is you. A grass-roots voter is us. "
I have tears in mah eyes now. You a good merkan.
Now who can argue with Authentic Frontier Empty Platitudes like that?
You can't see me now, but I'm slowly rocking back and forth and sucking my thumb after reading that.
Then my mission is complete.
It's Texas; I think they meant "grass-fed voters."
(But in Austin, "grass-smoking voters.")
A dead one.
According to Paultards, only Paultards.
In this case, a grass roots voter is a once rational being that has been hypnotized by his astroturf handlers.
"grass-roots voter?"
Where I come from, Son, it means someone who's into Bob Marley…
In *OHIO*?
Wow, those folks ain't as backwards as I thought they wuz.
Someone who hasn't mowed or dyed their hair recently?
One of these guys?
Grass roots voters are the organic, free ranging, ones.
"What is David Dewhurst hiding from?" If it's the 'Baggers asking, stupid and ugly would be the answer.
Remember when every election didn't turn into a Republican dick-measuring contest?
No.
When was that again?
The biggest dick always wins in the GOP. It's been that way ever since Ike stepped down.
Ted Cruz might want to watch his back:
Dewhurst…was previously an officer in the U.S. Air Force, an agent of the Central Intelligence Agency http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Dewhurst
My favorite information from Molly Ivins was a quote from a Republican politico about Dewhurst (right after he was elected Lt. Gov)
"Well, he's weird. But he's less weird than he used to be."
Speaking of assholes…Congressman Walsh is at it again. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/22/joe-wals...
You could probably save time by just linking to all the examples where Rep. Joe Walsh is not being an asshole.
None of them, Katie.
i think i might actually work for the other conservatard whose seat joe is challenging. i hate all these twatwaffles, but watching joe lose would be a precious precious thing.
That's the last straw – I'm never listening to the Eagles again!
Chupacabras! Aye Carumba!
Also, according to the birther nuts, if Ted Cruz does win at least we won't have to worry about *this* Texan getting the GOP nomination for President:
Cruz grew up in Houston, Texas, the son of a Cuban immigrant. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Cruz
That's it–Dewhurst is a shoo – in…
Seems awfully early in the election cycle to play the chupacabra card.
The first rule of hillbilly politics is that it's *never* too early to play the chupacabra card.
I forget the second rule of hillbilly politics, but that's ok because my wife had it engraved into the butt of the rifle we have hidden under our bed.
But you have to respect them for at least beginning the conversation. The Chupacabra has traditionally been the third rail of American politics.
Fun fact: Chupacabra in Spanish means "goat sucker" (true!). Not to be confused with Louie Gohmert who blows donkeys (probably true!).
Or Justice Souter, who was a "goat fucker".
I like the Ted part, but Cruz? I don't know… sounds a little undocumented anchor-babyish, if you know what I mean. He might want to talk to Senator Rubio before he decides to run as a Republican.
This David Dewhurst fellow sounds like one of those fictional people who exist so their boss can put his paycheck into a secret personal account. The fact that he's the lieutenant governor, a notoriously fictional position, doesn't help.
If it was the Grapefruit Chupacabra, then I'd start getting worried.
~
Production values are iffy, but on message – the same one again and again.
If only we could train the chupacabras to eat Texas teabaggers and leave the cattle alone.
I muted the commercials for THAT??!!
So , as I understand this the Tea Party is threatening to run a Chupacabra against Dewhurst in the primary? I actually support this.
I don't know anything about this guy, but Jesus, can you blame him for skipping all that shit? Yeah, I'm sure the Northwood Dallas Republican Women gathering wouldn't at all make someone want to blow their fuckin' brains out.
He can't be any harder to find than a Compassionate Conservative.
If you care to know anything about Dewhurst, which I know you do not, find a June 2002 copy of the Texas Monthly and read "Lonesome Cowboy". Not a flattering portrait. But somehow he's survived. Those of us who remember Bob Bullock (pboh, the old coot) as Lite Guv have sadz, that's for sure.
The narrator should enunciate. It sounds like he's saying David Doofus.
Oh, wait. Maybe he is.
Wasn't this the episode of South Park where the Republican candidate eats at the cafeteria and trys some of Chef's Salty Balls?
More of a Mr Hankey episode to me.
I know what you are thinking…this is a crazy ad. Well, yes, but look at the things this guy is skipping out on. Can anyone really blame him? Maybe he made the ad himself, as sort of a "look I'm not as crazy of an asshole as you thought I was", kind of thing? No? Just trying to help.
"Skipped nine Tea Party/Grass Roots Voter Forums."
Can you fucking blame him?
Needs fewer Chupacabra and more Chupa Chups.
Chupa Chup was actually the nickname of one of my cats. So, you've got my vote!
Chupa me, pinche pendejos. Y tu mamá también.
Since when does Bigfoot live in Texas? Oh come now, don't EVEN tell me you haven't seen the camp horror classic "The Legend of Boggy Creek," which takes place on the Arkansas-Texas "frontier," or whatever they call it.
Hell, bigfoots are everywhere. They got the skunk-ape all the way down in the swamps of Florida, and all kinds of shit down in the bayous of Louisiana.
That's not bigfoot. That's the electorate.
Texas Teapartiers are worried about a mangy, dessicated dog carcass winning an election? I suppose if I had a platform like theirs, I'd be worried, too.
i thought Phil Hartman was dead. (???)
First they came for the demonsheep and I said nothing.. Today we are all chubacabbrah or however you say it in messican.
Where does Kinky Friedman stand on this issue?
Hopefully, without his foot in his mouth as he's been wont to do, recently.
Is anyone going to liveblog the foul bastards at the Fox Republican Debate??
Needs more skunk-ape.
Guess who just got booed at the Fox debate? Newt.
He's too liberal for them.
But, but, Ted Cruz is a Messican, right?
BTW, Dewhurst sounds like a Pokemon. /nerd
Is Ted Cruz Santa's brother?
Come to think of it, I probably wouldn't go to the Kerrville Republican Women's forum either.
So he skipped all those sucky meetings. OK, is this ad for or against him? 'Cause I'm relating to this Dewhurst guy big-time.
Needs moar Cartman.
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