snowbilly inc.

Sarah Palin Will Continue To Think About Running If You Send Her Money

Sarah Palin at her office.Man, who knows how to monetize “doing nothing” better than grifter-quitter grandma Sarah Palin? Palin’s SarahPAC sent out a letter asking for more donations in order to help Sarah in “making her decision of whether or not to run for office,” because Sarah Palin is the kind of narcissistic psycho hosebeast who believes she is entitled to a paycheck for the time she spends holding debates with herself in the mirror. Palin has been steadily pushing back her imaginary deadline for announcing a run, originally claiming she was going to make a decision about running by the end of September but then recently saying, eh, November maybe, whatever. Waiting around, who knew it could be so profitable?

Here is an excerpt from this annoying letter, sent out by SarahPAC treasurer Tim Crawford:

As you may know, Gov. Palin is on the verge of making her decision of whether or not to run for office.

It’s one of the most difficult and important decisions of her life. And I want her to know that she has our support.

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Gov. Palin is a proven leader. She’s a common-sense conservative who fights for the rights of Americans like you and me — not special interests or big corporations.

Meanwhile, Barack Obama’s presidency is a disaster. One in five working-age men are out of work. One in seven Americans are on food stamps. Thirty percent of our mortgages are under water. Parts of Michigan and California are suffering from unemployment numbers that are greater than during the depths of the Great Depression.

Someone must save our nation from this road to European Socialism. Do you think it should be Gov. Palin?

If so, can you send your best, one-time gift to SarahPAC today to help her elect more common-sense conservatives - and show her that we support her if she decides to run?

BEG, is what she is saying. BEG HER TO RUN. BEG HER WITH YOUR LAST TWENTY DOLLARS. Then, in a few months, she might think about it, or not.

If her cult of brainless followers who want her to run so desperately had any sense whatsoever, they would make all of their donations conditional on her announcement that she is getting into the race. She’d be in by next week. [Des Moines Register]

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Hola wonkerados.

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234 comments

    1. Warpde

      That sucks.
      I had $50 riding that she'd stay out of the news until the 24th.
      Well, fuck you very much Sarah.
      I was going to give 1/2 the winnings to your PAC, but now, ne-ah!

    2. Schmannnity

      Bad thought: If you are her age or older, you are going to be hearing from her for the rest of your tortured life.

      1. ttommyunger

        That is not as potent a metaphor as it could be, considering the K Bar is only a single-edged weapon. I prefer my weapons cut both ways.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      So far in this life, no pit bull has ever asked me for money.

      Ole Crazy Eyes and Duh Guv'Nor, on the other hand, have their hands out more often than an eight-year-old kid in a toy shoppe.

    2. Eve8Apples

      The difference? You can spay or neuter a pitbull but the hockey mom pops out kids like a neverending circus clown car.

    3. Radiotherapy®

      You know the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull?
      1. A pit bull doesn't quit.
      2. They both get fucked by black athletes.

  1. SexySmurf

    Sarah has already decided not to run for President in 2012, but she's still hasn't ruled out running in 2013.

  2. OC_Surf_Serf

    It’s one of the most difficult and important decisions of her life

    Right after "What to bitch about on Twitter" and "What should I quit today".

  3. Callyson

    The Sept. 20 letter from SarahPAC…also notes the donations could be used to support other conservative candidates.
    That's one way to give unemployed Mittens a job…

  4. itsjesuscriss

    I would send her my last $20 but I blew it on a rock I crushed up and snorted off of a 55 gallon barrel of Bristol's tears.

  5. Oblios_Cap

    Someone must save our nation from this road to European Socialism.

    So- she thinks that capitalist policies lead to European Socialism? What deep thinker $arah is!

    1. finallyhappy

      I am fine with European Socialism – it can get us universal healthcare, good bread and skinnier, better looking people.

    2. Dashboard_Jesus

      personally I think European socialism would be a welcome relief from the current state of corporate fascism we are living under…maybe we could negotiate for some hot Danish girls to go with it?

    1. ThundercatHo

      This isn't such a bad idea. I can think of a whole load of GOPer assholes who I would gladly pay to remove themselves from office. We could start the Wonkette anti-PAC right here and now.

      1. GOPCrusher

        There's a whole load of GOPer assholes that would probably contribute to SarahPAC if she promised not to run.

      1. Bonzos_Bed_Time

        You kiddin, I'm jealous of all that easy income! I need to come up with a scam.
        I figure it needs to involve Jesus.

  6. hollywooddood

    "Someone must save our nation from this road to European Socialism. Do you think it should be Gov. Palin?"

    Um. No.

    1. freakishlywrong

      I KNOW Who will save us from the dreaded European Socialism? Ten weeks off a year, 100% unemployment and retirement benefits, fair wages? Save us O Hillbillitrix!

      1. Dashboard_Jesus

        dear gawd it sounds HORRIBLE! (hell I take the 4 weeks off a year coming to me and my boss acts like I'm screwing HIM!)

        1. Pristine_ODummy

          You get four whole weeks? I had to work for the company for ten years to get that much. AND we were never allowed to take it in a block.

          1. Dashboard_Jesus

            yep I've been with same place for 12 years and I've only ever taken more than one week off at a time…two weeks a couple years ago to study yoga in India! what really sucks is so many Americans nowadays get NO paid vacation with their jobs at all, if only these 'Baggers and other poor slobs/ morons knew what they were missing' from *socialism*…of course most folks in Europe get 6-8 weeks off every year, universal healthcare, college education (cuz they VALUE edumacated peeple!!!) plus stuff like 6 months maternity leave etc…I loved the artcles/ videos last couple of years on Denmark as the 'Happiest Country'…they REALLY know how to do it! (of course USA sucks in comparison) http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=4181996n

          2. Dashboard_Jesus

            you mean FREEEEE DUMB? (cuz we got plenty o' that!) methinks our Euro friends are a bit too edumakated to desire to be as STUPID as 'Merkans, plus they just laugh and laugh at how we let the religious nutjobs RUN our cuntry while they wouldn't let 'em anywhere near their govt.

    2. PsycWench

      God forbid we submit to European Socialism. We'd have affordable healthcare for one thing, and that is just not God's way.

      1. reliefsinn

        Don't you know that the Great Depression was caused by Roosevelt and his Socialist programs? Before FDR came along we had a thriving economy guided by the hand of the free market, which provided the DuPonts, Carnegies, Vanderbilts and Morgans, all American families, with large incomes, proving that you could make money in this country if you wanted to work. AND, if you didn't really want to send your 8 year old to work 60+ hours a week in a mine or tanning factory, there were Hoovervilles, soup kitchens and other socialist entitlement programs handing out money and food and providing housing.
        So tell me this isn't a great country!

      1. Chichikovovich

        Ah, so that is why Sarah was so snarky about research involving drosophila – professional courtesy.

    1. Rotundo_

      If one has no morals or ethics to get in the way of a perfectly good scam, why stop? Newt and Snowbilly and Huckabee and a whole host of them have been milking the saps for years and none of them appear to be missing a meal or a roof over their heads. Once you have been "annointed" a conservative pundit/candidate/spokesmodel you have a tenure of sorts unless you get truly embarrassing like Steele did (though I suspect that the fact that his upholstery wasn't a GOP approved color probably had much to do with that as well). Between Regnery Fox News and Talk Radio, these guys will find a gig of some sort that just keeps going. Even if they are too damn dumb for those, the saps will still throw money at them like Snowbilly. People just love a grifter, especially one they can yank their atrophied private parts to.

  7. Fukui_sanYesOta

    "One in five working-age men are out of work. One in seven Americans are on food stamps. Thirty percent of our mortgages are under water. Parts of Michigan and California are suffering from unemployment numbers that are greater than during the depths of the Great Depression.

    Someone must save our nation from this road to European Socialism. Do you think it should be Gov. Palin?"

    Wait, what? First up, that whole first paragraph was caused by the MONUMENTAL FUCKING CLUSTERFUCK which was Bush economic policy.

    Secondly, here's the unemployment rate in the UK: "Unemployment rate at 7.9%"

    I think quite a lot of people would prefer that European Socialism malarkey.

    Personally, I think EX-Gov. Palin should examine the possibility of shutting the fuck up.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Last reported unemployment in Canada (August) was 7.3 percent. So maybe what Sarah is getting at is: Why should we try to adopt European socialism, when good old North American socialism seems to be working even better! (And, one might add, the extremely strict Canadian banking regulations that allowed them to dodge the financial crisis appears not to be slowing down the "job creators" one bit.)

  8. SexySmurf

    Someone must save our nation from this road to European Socialism.

    Exactly. People who refuse to work or contribute to society should not have money just given to them.

    1. Dashboard_Jesus

      y'mean like $carah right? she has had a REAL 'Merkan job for years, is currently living offa handouts from the public and makes absolutely NO contribution to society…sounds like *socialism* to me (I'm guessin' SarahPAC pays no taxes right?)

  9. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    As you may know, I am on the verge of making my decision of whether or not to post another comment on Wonkette.

    It’s one of the most difficult and important decisions of my life. And I want to know that I have the support of my fellow Wonketteers.

    Lionel[redacted]Esq. is a proven Poster. He fights for the rights of Wonketteers like you and me — not bloggers or the Snorg Girl.

    Meanwhile, the blogosphere is a disaster. One in five blogs are humorous without meaning to be. One in seven blogs just link to Poltico. Thirty percent of blog posts on NRO induce vomiting.

    Someone must save our nation from this road to Red State Blogging. Do you think it should be Lionel[redacted]Esq.?

    If so, can you send your best, one-time gift to [redacted[PAC today to help me post more – and show me that you support me if I decides to post?

        1. flamingpdog

          If you dash out to the airport right now and hop on a plane to Jeebus Springs, Colorado, you might still have a chance to get in on the Gary Busey/Ted Haggard unreality show taping today.

        2. Doktor Zoom

          Have you considered having a drunken lout conveniently standing by when your 20 year old daughter is filming in a bar?

  10. freakishlywrong

    This should generate millions. And hopefully drain the resources of the mouth-breathing yokels that believe anything that comes out of her, or any other "common sense" conservative's, fucking piehole.

  11. SexySmurf

    If so, can you send your best, one-time gift to SarahPAC

    I would, but unfortunately, I already flushed it.

  12. Schmannnity

    Truly the Jim and Tammy Faye Baker of politics. Perhaps she could use some portion of her $14 million per annum income in helping her decide. I am sure she is torn between $14 million and $400,000 per year as president.

  13. ThundercatHo

    Damn! I just sent my last $20 to Ted Haggard's Church of the Crystal Meth Addict Rentboy Stiffing Holyroller Hypocrit and Day Spa.

  14. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    One in five working-age men are out of work.

    Apparently this post was written originally in the 1930s?

    Someone must save our nation from this road to European Socialism. Do you think it should be Gov. Palin?

    And to stop Socialism, I should give my money to a person who quit her last real job and has been living off the kindness of others for over two years now? That sounds sort of like, I don't know, the worse characterization of European Socialism I know.

  15. FakaktaSouth

    Well well, check out this little Wasilla Welfare Queen…Hey America! Give me some of YOUR money before I might think about trying to get a job! Or maybe I'll just have another kid.

  16. BaldarTFlagass

    Someone must save our nation from this road to European Socialism.

    Dumber than a bag of hammers, more greedy than Scrooge McDuck, and able to leap proper grammar in a single bound — it's SuperCunt!!!

  17. Tundra Grifter

    Kirsten:

    You make a great point! The economic question of the early 21st century is how to monetize the social media made available by the Internets.

    Both Duh Guv'Nor and Ole Crazy Eyes have figured that one out just fine. Newt hasn't mastered it, of course, but that's just one item on a rather long roster.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      My question is, how do we turn our p into whore diamonds? I think I can probably figure out a way to turn it into Ameros, but I'd rather have whore diamonds.

  18. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Gov. Palin is a proven leader.

    Yes, most proven leaders are known for quitting the one time they ever were in charge of leading something.

  19. Wonderthing

    To hell with her. I may or may not run for President either. I want five bucks from all of you. I take Paypal. Or meat.

  20. SorosBot

    Poor Sarah, the vast majority of the rubes have finally realized they were being fleecing, her books can't sell at 90% off, the gravy train is just drying up while she spends like a lottery winner and so now she has to beg for more money, soon it should be time to file for bankruptcy and oh that will be fun to watch.

    1. Beowoof

      Sounds like a party theme, Sarah Palin bankruptcy party. Wine to symbolize he constant complaining, lots of unprotected sex, and moose chili dogs.

    2. Pristine_ODummy

      Sorry to be the one to break it to you, but over at C4P the yobs are ululating about what every jot and tittle of that letter means. They're definitely smelling victory in the air based on the Marist polls. They're going to be crying some bitter, bitter tears when the WaSillyGrifter cashes their cheques and announces her true intentions.

    3. Jukesgrrl

      She still has her "job" at FOX News, doesn't she? That alone will pay for that pile she bought in Scottsdale.

  21. owhatever

    Show us your boobs, and if satisfactory, I'll study the possibility of perhaps considering slipping a tenner in your granny panties.

    1. chicken_thief

      I saw them at the VP acceptance speech. She had the whole brood on stage with her, including Todd and Trig.

  22. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You know who else showed leadership by demanding money from ignorant followers so that they could make a decision?

  23. jodyleek

    According to the latest rumors, Grifter Gal here needs the dough to pay for the impending divorce. Toad's gonna want half!

    1. JustPixelz

      He doesn't need her money. He can write* his own book and rake in dozens of dollars. Suggested title: "Survival Skills: The Stormy Life and Times of Alaska's Former First Dude"
      ________________
      * perhaps I assume too much

  24. Beowoof

    The disasters she talks about have been created by Wall Street and W's conservative policies. Thanks, I would welcome a little European Socialism at this point, also too, you betcha.

  25. MissTaken

    I gotta hand it to her, she is a fucking genius. Against all logic and reason $arah has managed to convince people to willing fling their apparently hard-earned money her way to do absolutely nothing but think about maybe someday possibly running for President. Fucking brilliant.

  26. SayItWithWookies

    Sarah Palin's fans should give her money whether she ever does anything again or not — Nordstrom isn't going to raid itself, you know.

  27. ManchuCandidate

    Dear Friend,

    As you read this, I don't want you to feel sorry for me, because, I believe everyone will die politically someday. My name is Jim John Jackson a former aide to gubbiner Sarah Palin from Alaska. She was among those who has career has died in a John McCain caused plane crash here in Alaska during the reign of Preznit Obummer.

    Since the political demise of this our customer, Ex Gubbiner Sarah Palin, who was an idiot, I have kept a close watch of the deposit records
    and accounts and since then nobody has come to claim the money in this a/c
    as next GOP candidate. She had only $18.5mllion in his a/c
    and the a/c is coded. It is only an insider that could produce the code or
    password of the deposit particulars. As it stands now,there is nobody in
    that position to produce the needed information other than my very self
    considering my position in the PAC.

    Please help me by sending me your bank account number so I can deposit this PAC money.

    Kind Regards,

    Jim Jack Johnson Esq LLB MBA BSC SSC TLA

  28. MiniMencken

    I think she could get some money from me if she went on Fox and announced her intention of ridding America of Jews, Bolsheviks and Freemasons. It would be worth at least, oh, $20.oo to me if she said that.

    1. BarryOPotter

      She'll run down the hall to her home office, where she'll inadvertently catch Toad in some tawdry, torrid tangle of Toadesque turpitude with the neighbor, leading her to…

  29. AlterNewt

    Freeway on-ramp, somewhere in America, June 2013.
    A woman holds up a cardboard sign. It seems heavy in her hand.

    "Will make up my mind for food"

  30. BaldarTFlagass

    Sarah Lou is a grifter from Alaska
    She has no grip on just exactly what the facts is
    She ain't gonna let one dime escape her clutches
    She makes her livin' off other people's dumb-ass-ness

    Sarah Lou, whoa, whoa, she slipped away
    Toddy Joe caught up to her the very next day
    They got the money, hey
    You know they got away
    They headed down south and they're still grifting today
    Singin' go on take the money and run
    Go on take the money and run

  31. Eve8Apples

    The name "Sarah Palin" should never appear in the same story as the phrase "common sense conservative."

  32. chascates

    I would like to receive money from my fellow citizens as I've thought for many years what it would be like to live under this 'European Socialism' (I'm thinking of the Galicia region of Spain) and need support to study this question.

  33. SenileAgitation

    She can't join the race until Michele is out, for crazy cunt solidarity and so people won't be confused about having two bewitching wackos to choose from. She won't run anyway, no money in it. But she will use your dollars to "help" elect others by finding upstaging opportunities all across this great land. Sorry, SarahPAC,but my best one-time gift is a lot like Grant Rice's.

  34. flamingpdog

    I'd give her $20 if she would just promise to reinvent herself as Sarah Semple McPalin and grift her way across the country doing the Elmer Gantry thingie. All the attention and dumbfuck-bucks income of her political career, with continued entertainment for us, and none of the anxiety of wondering whether or not she would build a moose corral and a garish snow-machine shed on the White House grounds if all the 2012 voting machines somehow mysteriously ended up in predominantly Republican districts.

  35. Terry

    Oh, here's an idea. Someone start one of those emails, you know the kind. Lots of exclamation points, a few mispellings, lots of Fwd:'s up in the subject line. The content of the email should make it clear that the Eeeeeeevil government is tracking everyone who donates to Sarah Palin and individually monitoring them. The only defense against this monitoring is not 1. not donate to her and, if you have donated in the past, 2. move way out in the country away from town with no computer access or phone (that's one way they track you, of course), and 3. not to vote.

  36. JustPixelz

    "Gov. Palin is a proven leader"

    How true! If by "Gov." you mean "ex-Gov". And by "proven" you mean "petty tyrant who used her office to settle personal vendettas instead of respect the public trust given to her by the voters". And by "leader" you mean "quitter".

  37. Flat_Earther

    I would be a really bad President. I promise not to run if you will send me some cash. You don't need to send a lot. Just $10 from a few hundred thousound people will be fine. Reply if you need my address.

  38. mourningnmerica

    I would have sent her money, but I don't want one long hip hop orgy in the white house. Couldn't she just have fucked Larry Bird or Danny Ainge or something?

    1. GOPCrusher

      I would have thought maybe Carlos Boozer, since she already has experience in fucking her constituents.

  39. __kth__

    Palin's cheek is pressed against the ceiling, and she has about 3 breaths left before the water of not-giving-a-shit fills the cabin.

  40. yrbmegr

    That's actually pretty smart of her (handlers) because the moment she declares, she will be out of the race.

  41. owhatever

    Me sending you money just because you want it is a wee bit like income redistribution, ain't it, ole girl?

  42. chicken_thief

    I don't want to have to reread the entire begfest of bullshit to get money, but did I miss something? It says Glen's biotch is thinking about running, and a lot of babble about the state of the nation and Obummer, but does it say, explicitly, that she is thinking about running for POTUS? I mean, if she can rake in some serious cash, then run for dog catcher, she may be smarter than we think. But then, that's not such a high bar to clear.

  43. Nostrildamus

    I'd really like to the see the "Levi Johnston in Sarah Palin's crosshairs" animated GIF photoshopped onto Sarah's crotch in the story's main pic.

  44. mumbly_joe

    Palin has been steadily pushing back her imaginary deadline for announcing a run, originally claiming she was going to make a decision about running by the end of September but then recently saying, eh, November maybe, whatever. Waiting around, who knew it could be so profitable?

    On the other hand, who better to put in charge of our never-ending wars?

  45. Fox n Fiends

    Oh no, not European Socialism! All those vacation days! Child care support! Robust economies! NOOOOO!!!

  46. Pristine_ODummy

    Addicts, alla youse, hanging on Babble Spice's every word.

    And shaddup awreddy about what am I doing here.

  47. Neoyorquino

    Sorry. All of my disposable income is going to support Generalissimo Francisco Franco in his valiant fight to remain dead.

  48. anniegetyerfun

    If her cult of brainless followers who want her to run so desperately had any sense whatsoever

    Well, that answers that.

  49. Jukesgrrl

    Funny, that photo of Sarah in her office looks just like ME in MY office!

    Am I running for something? Please send $20 (or a whore diamond) to Jukesgrrl, PO Box 666, Tucson, AZ, to help me decide.

  50. rocktonsam

    "ITS ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT AND IMPORTANT DECISIONS OF HER LIFE."

    We still love you TRIGGY!!

    I'll send her my last 20 if she just closes her legs.

  51. DahBoner

    Sarah Palin Will Continue To Think About Running If You Send Her Money buy her favorite video Anal Sex Academy

  52. user-of-owls

    Even in that brief excerpt, there are so many idiotic flaws (Gov.? Is he counting characters? In an email letter??) it's like shooting fish in a barrel.

    Meanwhile, Barack Obama’s presidency is a disaster.
    Such an elegant transition! You can practically hear the TV Batman swirly sound when they changed between scene locations s as you read it!

    One in five working-age men are out of work.
    So, the overall unemployment rate is under 10%, yet among males it is apparently 20%? Damn! Since women make up roughly half the workforce, in order to reconcile those two figures you would have to come up with: Zero percent unemployment among women!! Go Team Vag!!

    But my favorite(?!) is the firm, decisive declaration at the very end:

    …we support her if she decides to run?

  53. Negropolis

    Meanwhile, Barack Obama’s presidency is a disaster. One in five working-age men are out of work. One in seven Americans are on food stamps. Thirty percent of our mortgages are under water. Parts of Michigan and California are suffering from unemployment numbers that are greater than during the depths of the Great Depression.

    Someone must save our nation from this road to European Socialism. Do you think it should be Gov. Palin?

    My god, that reads like a parody. That can not be real.

    I've seen Nigerian scam letters less shameless than this. Good grief.

Comments are closed.