NUT ON NUT VIOLENCE  12:08 pm September 21, 2011

Birthers Fighting Among Themselves About Going After Marco Rubio

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Don't break up the band, Nancy Reagan!One of the birther factions — apparently there’s more than one, even though we have always thought of them as a single amoebic mass of crazy — is starting some hilarious shit about the GOP’s anointed son Florida Senator Marco Rubio with claims that he is not a “natural born citizen,” because he has Cuban parents (the fashionable birther argument du jour is to declare the existence of anyone whose parents were not born in a white country to be totally unconstitutional). As far as we can tell this is just some inane species of butt hurt retaliation toward the GOP for having grown politically bored with exploiting birther nonsense, but this has other birthers going all nuclear over the claims that Rubio, a notorious teabagger, is a secret communist infiltrator.  

Rubio has already locked up the veep slot on the eventual GOP ticket because of a recent incident where he prevented sacred Republican totem Nancy Reagan from eating dirt on the floor.

Birther Faction One over at the “Canada Free Press” (?) holds that it is still illegal for a brown person no matter what party he belongs to become Veep or President, especially if that party is full of corrupt assholes who ignore birthers:

The precedent of an illegal President having been established by the inauguration of Obama, the Republicans now feel free to promote their own illegal candidates.

I believe Marco Rubio is a good man and a fine public servant. Unfortunately, like Obama, he is not eligible for the Presidency or the Vice Presidency because he is not a natural born citizen.

Birther Faction Two at WorldNetDaily IS NOT HAVING IT:

Unlike Barack Obama, Rubio doesn’t have a mysterious past filled with unanswered questions. He has also been consistent in preaching the gospel of capitalism, entrepreneurship, low taxes, less regulation, less borrowing and the greatness of the American way of life.

In other words, Rubio has never even so much as implied that he wants to fundamentally change America. If anything, his words indicate that he favors returning the United States to its founding roots.

Eat each other, alive! That is the only sensible way to resolve this “debate.” [Canada Free Press/ WorldNetDaily]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 296 comments }

user-of-owls September 21, 2011 at 12:11 pm

"Marco" "Rubio" is this generation's "Scarlet" "Letter"

weejee September 21, 2011 at 12:22 pm

A festering, pestering, Hester Prynne?

user-of-owls September 21, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Prynne was born in the colonies, NOT the USA! She set a precedent for non-citizens to achieve literary prominence! And for Slut Walking too!!

horsedreamer_1 September 21, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Andrew Jackson was thr first REAL president.

user-of-owls September 21, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Misspelling there, friend. You meant Andrew JOHNSON, right? You know, because of The Late Unpleasantness/War Between the States/War of Yankee Aggression?

What? Oh, yes, I am in fact a Yankee living in the South.

Schmannnity September 21, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Born in Miami is not the same as natural born American.

Terry September 21, 2011 at 12:59 pm

I don't think that even Florida claims Miami.

horsedreamer_1 September 21, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Dan Marino libel!

V572 T-Blow September 21, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Marino was born in the Pennsyltucky coalfields, possibly to a virgin.

Jukesgrrl September 21, 2011 at 5:34 pm

And Jeebus placed a football in his tiny hands and miraculously he was able to hold it.

Negropolis September 22, 2011 at 1:56 am

Well, there is a Bethlehem in PA…Somebody get me a chalkboard, stat!

subsum September 21, 2011 at 3:06 pm

I like Miami. It's close to the US and you still can get away with shit like everywhere else in Latin America.

horsedreamer_1 September 21, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Wonkette needs to take its talents to South Beach, then.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 24, 2011 at 4:09 am

I think the typical Floriduh resident regards South Beach as an "offshore island."

padremickey September 21, 2011 at 5:13 pm

I know that the Miami Herald is THE paper to read if you're a Latin American dictator interested in keeping up with U.S. baseball scores.

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Isn't Miami full of Teh Brownz? That already makes it not-USAmerica.

Dr_Zoidberg September 21, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Oh, birfers. You so crazy.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 21, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Have we considered the possibility that "Canadian Free Press" is our northern neighbors' version of The Onion? Those Canucks can have a supremely droll sense of humor, when they put their minds to it. (i.e. between NHL seasons.)

MissusBarry September 21, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Constitution and laws dictating who is a citizen by virtue of jus soli…just a bunch of secular mumbo jumbo from the morans who don't believe jeebus rode dinosaurs.

OneDollarJuana September 21, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Returning America to its founding roots is fundamental change. Only land-owners voting, only men voting, black people only 3/5 human, etc.

Right on, Marco! You go, girl!

MOG2410 September 21, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Thanks, I was wondering what the wonderful roots might be, I'll go back to the kitchen.

Jukesgrrl September 21, 2011 at 5:38 pm

The wonderful roots are on Jimmy Fallon's show every weeknight. Boogie!

chicken_thief September 21, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Rubio would take us back so far that he wouldn't be able to vote for himself if he ran for re-election.

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:08 pm

You know this "black people only 3/5 human" sort of ignores the condition of those people who might not have been black but sure as hell weren't white either. From what I see, their treatment was not exactly of the best. IIRC, there was a time when Irishwomen who came to the US as indentured servants chose to have children by Black men because slaves could at least be manumitted, or buy their freedom, whereas an indentured servant's debt devolved upon her heirs at her death.

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Also, too, the reports of Chinese laundrymen roasted alive in their homes and shops, the Exclusion Act and miscegeneation laws that kept Pilipinos, East Indians, Chinese, and other such suspiciously-hued frrnrrs from bringing their wives and children with them, and other such pervasive evidence of the Persecution of Teh Duskily Inclined.

Jukesgrrl September 21, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Why didn't they just ride away on the backs of dinosaurs, huh?

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 7:52 pm

I think this was shortly after the La Brea Tar Pits closed for business, dear.

Just kidding, as I know you are. Sometimes my snarkmeter just gets clogged by EvilRePubes.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 21, 2011 at 7:22 pm

But he'll be having food fights with the faction who want the US to go back to 1890. And of course, the faction who want to go back to 1860 will have none of it.

What is it about old, vague documents that attracts these nutters?

Come here a minute September 21, 2011 at 12:13 pm

I propose an amendment prohibiting non-vaginally-born presidents.

Show us the Birth Canal!

OneDollarJuana September 21, 2011 at 12:14 pm

The PanaMama Canal.

freakishlywrong September 21, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Oh dear.

MOG2410 September 21, 2011 at 12:43 pm

uh, no thanks. And what about C-sections????

flamingpdog September 21, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Caesar wasn't American!

MOG2410 September 21, 2011 at 2:08 pm

too true!

Dashboard_Jesus September 22, 2011 at 12:20 am

Et tu, Brute?

Pat_Pending September 21, 2011 at 3:38 pm

YEAH! Only ALIENS punch through the host's stomach to get born!!! Ask Sigourney Weaver, she'll tell ya!

Pat_Pending September 21, 2011 at 3:38 pm

And no Caesar salads either! They got fuckin' anchovies in them, and what red-blooded American eats that faggy, fish shit???

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Don't drink water! Fish fuck in it.

drrty_martini September 21, 2011 at 3:15 pm

You shouldn't be able to hold office if you've been untimely ripp'd from your mother's womb.

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Hey! Damn, Shakespeare buffs evUHwhere you look.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 21, 2011 at 7:26 pm

Maybe here… but try finding one on the BrightFart site.

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Macduff was from his mother's womb
Untimely ripped

i.e., not vaginally born, therefore not eligible.

MOG2410 September 21, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Lead on!

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 7:48 pm

Not me, darlz, I have to go get the tumbrils ready for the Revolution. A la lanterne!

Biel_ze_Bubba September 21, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Obama/Macduff 2012 !!!

Negropolis September 22, 2011 at 1:59 am

Well, that, and he was Scottish.

EatsBabyDingos September 21, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Sarah's okay with this. "Womb with a view."

BaldarTFlagass September 21, 2011 at 1:04 pm

She can see Siberia from between her meat curtains.

Come here a minute September 21, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Is that anything like this?
http://media.talkingpointsmemo.com/slideshow/2012

Beowoof September 21, 2011 at 2:13 pm

So there's the beef, where's the brain?

GOPCrusher September 21, 2011 at 3:45 pm

According to Mike Tyson, Glen Rice introduced her to the "Womb Mover".

Blue Gal September 21, 2011 at 1:13 pm

That's rich given that John McCain was ACTUALLY born in Panama.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/28/us/politics/28m

Pat_Pending September 21, 2011 at 3:40 pm

I see London, I see France. I see the Panama (birth) Canal.

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Frances? Is that you?

GeorgiaBurning September 21, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Act 5 of Macbeth needs to be in the Constitution. Anne Coulter can play the third witch.

Beowoof September 21, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Would she do that in drag, don't want "her" junk haning out.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 21, 2011 at 7:31 pm

Xtine for the first one, obvs.
Who's the second?

(Bachmann is scary for the wrong reasons … I can't see her as a witch.)

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 7:55 pm

A-HEM!!

Thanks for putting my name in the hat, Biely.

Ann Coulter has been proposed. Not to, but for.

Fare la Volpe September 21, 2011 at 1:27 pm

MACDUFF LIBEL!!!

Guppy06 September 21, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Do you really want to see the birth canal of Barbara Bush (the elder)?

Beowoof September 21, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Neither thank you.

Guppy06 September 21, 2011 at 2:46 pm

I felt it necessary to specify "the elder" as that of "the younger" has probably already been seen by most of the internet.

EDIT: Or was that Jenna? It's so hard to keep our future presidents straight.

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:15 pm

I think it was the not-blond one, whichever that is. Changing into her bikini bottoms at the beach? Yeah, I stared.

starfanglednut September 21, 2011 at 4:38 pm

AAAAAAAAAAH!!! (runs screaming from room)

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Oh, sweet Mother of Christ, no! (faints)

Jukesgrrl September 21, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Or Lillian Carter or Roberta McCain or whomever it was who birthed Bob Dole?!?

not that Dewey September 22, 2011 at 11:29 am

Tonight, for the first time ever, I am releasing my official Birth Video.

Oh, well. Back to square one.

BaldarTFlagass September 21, 2011 at 12:13 pm

"Rubio has never even so much as implied that he wants to fundamentally change America. If anything, his words indicate that he favors returning the United States to its founding roots."

How many slaves am I going to be allowed, and will they speak English already? Also, I want to get in on the ground floor on exploitation of cheap Cuban labor when the Castros are finally ousted. Does anyone have Hyman Roth's cell phone number or email address?

DashboardBuddha September 21, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Sorry Baldar…you, like the rest of us are going to be too busy avoiding being made slaves to actually own some.

Fare la Volpe September 21, 2011 at 1:31 pm

I'm very much looking forward to suffering another potato famine and then paying off my great-grandpappy's debts in a workhouse. FREEDOM!

user-of-owls September 21, 2011 at 12:28 pm

No one knows who gave the order. When I heard it, I wasn't angry; I knew Marco, I knew he was head-strong, talking loud, saying stupid things. So when he turned up deported back to Cuba, I let it go. And I said to myself, this is the business we've chosen; I didn't ask who gave the order, because it had nothing to do with business!

Chichikovovich September 21, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Marco Rubio always makes money for his partners.

MOG2410 September 21, 2011 at 12:44 pm

In hell?

JustPixelz September 21, 2011 at 12:49 pm

TP'ers love the 19th century. Rugged individualism unsullied by the government. Unless you're a slave. Then the government had a lot of regulations, especially about returning them to their rightful owner. Also people died about 40 years younger than today.

fuflans September 21, 2011 at 1:36 pm

and no one had hooverounds.

V572 T-Blow September 21, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Dred Scott! It's not over yet!

user-of-owls September 21, 2011 at 2:46 pm

I saw that movie!

John Goodman was terrific as Dr. John Emerson. As was Morgan Freeman playing Scott. And playing every other black person too.

V572 T-Blow September 21, 2011 at 2:54 pm

I always think of Obama in this picture in St Louis from 2008. In the background is the Old Courthouse, where one part of the Dred Scott case was decided.http://obama.3cdn.net/f50f89f95367a271b5_dbm6ivqut.jpgThings were more hopeful then.

chicken_thief September 21, 2011 at 4:03 pm

We'll be bigger than US Steel! !! Oh, wait….

DaRooster September 21, 2011 at 12:13 pm

"If anything, his words indicate that he favors returning the United States to its founding roots."

Returning to our Roots? Wow… so this is the "Jobs" thing everyone is talking about.
"Jobs for everyone! Pay?! What pay?"

BaldarTFlagass September 21, 2011 at 12:17 pm

"Your name is Toby."

Doktor Zoom September 21, 2011 at 12:28 pm

My name… Bop-sha-Bop, son of Sha-Na-Na! Grandson of the great holy man, Shboom Shboom!

Your name is Peggy Fleming.

Bop-sha-Bop!

Peggy Fleming!!

ManchuCandidate September 21, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Inane infighting was bound to happen among the Teabaggers. That much crazy contained in one area was bound to explode into a hilarious mess of racism, toxic religoid fundamentalism and stupidity as prophesied by the great film of US America Politics, The Life of Brian.

To answer a question no one is asking: Canada "Free" "Press" is basically the Canada City equivalent of World Nut Daily albeit more hypocritical because they get "free" healthcare and bitch endlessly about it.

Lascauxcaveman September 21, 2011 at 12:19 pm

They have to accept it, but they don't have to like it.

freakishlywrong September 21, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Unfortunately, like Obama, he is not eligible for the Presidency or the Vice Presidency because he is not a natural born citizen. I love the way they say that as though it's empirical fact. Actually, I fucking hate it.

Goonemeritus September 21, 2011 at 1:06 pm

The logic is sound you see you cannot be a natural born citizen if your parents were not natural born citizens. For your parents to be natural born citizens all 4 of your grandparents (two if you’re in the Bible belt) need to be natural born. Since we are a nation of Immigrants it is clear that up to this point all administrations have been illegitimate. Since only Native Americans are natural born I suppose they qualify other than that I suppose we should call a mulligan and ask the Queen to take us back.

not that Dewey September 21, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Let me see if I got this straight, World Net Daily: having an illegal alien president would be fine, so long as

(a) it's not Obama, and
(b) he'd be willing to poison the environment, cause millions to starve and live lives of cold, ragged indignity, and funnel money to the job creators.

Otherwise, forget it!

PubOption September 21, 2011 at 12:18 pm

(c) Is of northern european descent.

horsedreamer_1 September 21, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Nothing Northern European about Spain. Not even the Catalans can dance around that one.

user-of-owls September 21, 2011 at 2:49 pm

The Basques are kind of white-ish. Plus they wear berets!

I mean the only thing cooler than a president wearing a beret would be one wearing a fez.

Jukesgrrl September 21, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Lid Libel!

not that Dewey September 21, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Lobster Basque is particularly white-ish.

DaRooster September 21, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Well… duh!

MOG2410 September 21, 2011 at 12:44 pm

it's the jerbs, stupid.

ProudLibunatic September 21, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Hey Rubio:
Live by the sword, die by the sword!

(You didn't think they REALLY liked you, did you?)

freakishlywrong September 21, 2011 at 12:16 pm

Rubio is not as brown as the Kenyan, and has trashed Social Security. Therefore, birfed in U.S. of America.

baconzgood September 21, 2011 at 12:17 pm

I looked at the Canada free press and I have my doubts as to it's Canadian authenticity. First of all it sais "without America there would be no free world", there were no ads for Molson beer, and most startling of all it lacked hockey scores.

BaldarTFlagass September 21, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Maybe its the Texas Canadians that are the publishers.

baconzgood September 21, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Yippy-ey-Eh?

SorosBot September 21, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Based on some research from the last time a Canada Free Press story came up, I found it's like Britain's Sun, a combo National Enquirer style gossip rag and NY Post style far right propaganda, and is not exactly known to be credible.

baconzgood September 21, 2011 at 12:42 pm

(GASP) But it looks so professionaly laid out!

MissTaken September 21, 2011 at 1:01 pm

That's strange because I thought all legitimate press organizations had a "Countdown to Obama Leaving The White House" ticking down on their websites.

El Pinche September 21, 2011 at 12:18 pm

So I don't have my modern racist conversion chart on me , but let me get this straight:

birther = white supremacist
patriot = racist fucko
not a natural born citizen = nigger/spic
teaparty = modern KKK
"If anything, his words indicate that he favors returning the United States to its founding roots." = back when the nigger didn't run the country

I remember the time when racists kept it real. *sigh*

DashboardBuddha September 21, 2011 at 12:21 pm

"racist fucko "

Win!

JustPixelz September 21, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Let's just take America all the way back. Descendants of native people only. Whites, Asians, Blacks — you're out. Mexicans, Salvadorans, casino owners — you're in.

poncho_pilot September 21, 2011 at 12:54 pm
BornInATrailer September 21, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Funny that you say that… the Cherokee nation just kicked out all the blacks. Or are in the process of doing so. "Huh?" you might say. Apparently these are the black descendents of slaves owned by Cherokees. And they've decided they are no longer welcome. It is a little surreal and sad.

And in a hilarious twist, some of the black slave descendents might be part Cherokee. But of course records are difficult since the whole terrible labeled-with-the-darker skin thing. So part white/part Cherokee would be Cherokee, but part Cherokee/part black would have been put down as black in any records "back in the day."

memzilla September 21, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Some significant percentage of black/Cherokee progeny result from the Buffalo Soldiers' posting on the prairie, implementing America's Manifest Destiny.

An interesting parallel between how welcome these children are amongst the Cherokee Nation — children fathered by the same soldiers who killed so many Cherokees — and how welcome the children of American soldiers are in Vietnamese society… for the same reason.

Negropolis September 22, 2011 at 2:08 am

Yeah, some is not most. What the Nation is doing is just plain wrong, and the argument for kicking them out is so racially tinged it's not even funny. Most (i.e. the vast majority) of these descendents are the result of Cherokee slave owners. That's just a fact.

freakishlywrong September 21, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Anyone else starting to think that maybe this stupid fucking cuntry DESERVES a President Perry? Then, we can start the revolution while there's a wingnut in the whitehouse.

El Pinche September 21, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Fuck it, we deserve everything coming to us.

Chichikovovich September 21, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Perry/Menken 2012! "We want it good and hard!"

MOG2410 September 21, 2011 at 12:46 pm

I'm too old to "man the baricades", but I can knit caps and make stone soup for the rest of the revolutionaries.

GeorgiaBurning September 21, 2011 at 1:12 pm

The modern equivalent to manning the barricades will be hacking. Start with rigging the vote on "Dancing with the Stars", go on to posting Republican congressmen's favorite boy porn sites on their facebook pages.

Chichikovovich September 21, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Plum jobs for tricoteurs sitting around the guillotines are still available!

MOG2410 September 21, 2011 at 2:13 pm

I'll oil up my knitting needles, we due for a Terror.

Limeylizzie September 21, 2011 at 3:22 pm

You and I are the tricoteuses of our time.

chicken_thief September 21, 2011 at 4:10 pm

I'm too stoned to "man the barricades", but I can knit caps and make old soup for the rest of the revolutionaries. After I finish this bag of Cheetos.

Rotundo_ September 21, 2011 at 1:16 pm

The folks that elect presnits like Perry, yes. Those of us who are in the reality based community not so much. You can never fix stupid, but you can try to marginalize it. It has been done before. Unfortunately the hoople heads (as Al Swearengen lovingly called them) will swallow anything big money feeds them. These are the folks buying lotto tickets along with their cigarettes and beer, confident they will die at 90 with a shitload of money in the bank and young widows with huge breasts mourning them. The salt of the earth. Morons.

Beowoof September 21, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Off to Gander Mtn to buy ammo.

RedneckMuslin September 21, 2011 at 12:21 pm

I think it's only fair that a China man takes over.

BaldarTFlagass September 21, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Is Chinaman the preferred nomenclature? Like one of the guys that built the railroads, amirite?

RedneckMuslin September 21, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Chinaman is racist. China man means Asian overlord.

MissusBarry September 21, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Big Lebowski win.

Doktor Zoom September 21, 2011 at 12:29 pm

The Chinaman is not the issue, and I might add, "chinaman" is no longer the preferred nomenclature.

Negropolis September 22, 2011 at 2:10 am

Yeah, that's the joke. Thanks.

crybabyboehner September 21, 2011 at 2:57 pm

When Mr. China Man tells us about our "workout deal" there will be no more free Hoverounds (w/ The Grabber!). No more babies for poor lady. No more hip replacement for grandma. No more retirement from flipping anusburgers.

V572 T-Blow September 21, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Kinda says it all doesn't it? If you agree with me, you're a real American. If not, not.

OneYieldRegular September 21, 2011 at 12:22 pm

I really don't understand why these people would support anyone for President other than an American fetus.

poncho_pilot September 21, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Pickles/Jarbara 2012.

LesBontemps September 21, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Dream ticket!

chicken_thief September 21, 2011 at 4:13 pm

And they won't be propping their feet on the WH furniture!

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:28 pm

A-HEM! A WHITE American fetus, if you please.

SorosBot September 21, 2011 at 12:22 pm

No, morons, "natural born citizen" does not have some secret special meaning other than the plain meaning on its face; it simply excludes naturalized citizens, that's it, anyone born as a citizen qualifies. If you were born in the USA, you are a natural born citizen, period. If your mother was a US citizen, you are a natural born citizen, period. If your father was a US citizen, you are probably a US citizen but it gets a little more complicated because there are rules based on the outdated notions of legitimacy and that medical science did not have a way to prove fatherhood when the rules were made.

V572 T-Blow September 21, 2011 at 12:24 pm

That's why Aaron Burr had to shoot Alexander Hamilton.

ProgressiveInga September 21, 2011 at 12:25 pm

But if your father wears a flag pin, then……

Steverino247 September 21, 2011 at 12:39 pm

And the pointy part puts a hole in the condom…

MissTaken September 21, 2011 at 12:43 pm

But, but, it wasn't natural when that obviously over-sexed white girl had sexy time with the nasty black Kenyan so the byproduct can't possibly be naturally born. Duh!

BaldarTFlagass September 21, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Miscegenation Libel!!

Doktor Zoom September 21, 2011 at 1:01 pm

People try to put us down,
'Cause I'm white and she is brown.
Don't wanna cause a big sensation,
Just talkin' bout mis-s-scegenation!

mumbly_joe September 21, 2011 at 12:52 pm

WND seems to be saying that liberals don't count as natural-born citizens, because. I wish I could identify some other political ideology which holds that people who cleave to different political ideologies are automatically criminals and non-citizens and should be arrested for believing different things, but for the life of me, I can't remember what it's called.

anniegetyerfun September 21, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Hitler?

GOPCrusher September 21, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Have to admit, it is pretty far-fetched to think that the American public would ever elect a black Democrat to be President.

Chet Kincaid September 21, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Communism?

fuflans September 21, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Rubio has never even so much as implied that he wants to fundamentally change America.

also morans! the constitution does not prohibit eligibility for people with different views than yours.

(this is why you are allowed to vote.)

Biel_ze_Bubba September 21, 2011 at 7:52 pm

It's trickier than you might think, Mr. Bot. Even "Born in the USA" doesn't always count.

not that Dewey September 22, 2011 at 12:01 pm

The constitutional equivalent of theOne Drop Rule is coming back to bite these birthers in the ass. You can't have it both ways, you racist fucks!

Tommmcattt September 21, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Eat each other, alive! That is the only sensible way to resolve this “debate.”

Let's do it at my house. I've got ketchup, plates, silverware, whatever they need. I'll even buy the wine.

elviouslyqueer September 21, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Party at Tommmcattt's house! What time do I show up? Do you need extra mustard?

Tommmcattt September 21, 2011 at 12:34 pm

I'd bring an extra shirt in case they spray blood on you.

poncho_pilot September 21, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Gallagher? or GWAR?

Negropolis September 22, 2011 at 2:13 am

Yes.

Steverino247 September 21, 2011 at 12:41 pm

A Birfer once tested my patience while I explained why Obama was really a citizen. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti…

MOG2410 September 21, 2011 at 12:47 pm

I'll bring Fava beans and a nice Chianti.

chicken_thief September 21, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Marcus, Miss Lindsay, and Rick Perry are wayyyyy ahead of you.

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:30 pm

You're so generous!

DaRooster September 21, 2011 at 12:22 pm

"I believe Marco Rubio is a good man and a fine public servant."

A bit OT but way back when we first came up with this place they were just that, Public Servants. I too believe we should go back- to when Congress did not get paid… they did their best because they thought they could help this country become what it was… not what it has become.

HempDogbane September 21, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Real Americans are against both hope and change.

Fawkdifiknow September 21, 2011 at 12:24 pm

When your whole political philosophy was concocted in a void of history, reality or the common sense god gave chickens, you have a penchant for destroying yourself before you can finish off the rest of the country. It's been scary, though.

ifthethunderdontgetya September 21, 2011 at 12:24 pm

I won't know what to think until I hear from Orly.
~

BarryOPotter September 21, 2011 at 3:00 pm

You'll have to wait, she's on a plane on the tarmac at Charles de Gaulle…

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:31 pm

I won't know what to think once I do!

weejee September 21, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Isn't this just a redo of DeMille's racist epic Birf of a Nation? Where are the knight riders of the purple rage?

Lascauxcaveman September 21, 2011 at 12:42 pm

D.W. Griffith; but yeah.

weejee September 21, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Thanks. I knew there was a "d" in there somewhere.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 21, 2011 at 7:54 pm

At least you didn't guess DeNiro.

Negropolis September 22, 2011 at 2:15 am

The whatchamacallits of the whoseofmawhatsits?

baconzgood September 21, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Why do they pick on Slater from Saved By the Bell and David Cross's bastard child so much?

Rotundo_ September 21, 2011 at 12:26 pm

It is fun to watch them cut each other up like this. There's something reassuring in morons getting in slap fights over where Marco was popped out of. I just hope that the birfers and troofers and the yoopers and whoever the hell else is wrangling manages to fuck them up enough to lose some elections.

anniegetyerfun September 21, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Got in an online cat fight a few months back with a birther who was trying to tell me that, in order to qualify to run as President, both of your parents had to be born on US soil. After having pointed out (using actual links to the Constitooshun and the US Code) that that was not true AT ALL, he said, "Well, Corsi's book comes out soon, and that will settle the matter." It's amazing how they can just spew utter nonsense, get called out on it, and then proclaim the Jerome Corsi will make it all better.

Chet Kincaid September 21, 2011 at 1:58 pm

As if Corsi is a gigantic, supine bitch with thousands of nipples all over his flabby gut nourishing the teeming, hungry little nutjobs.

Brain Bleach Depot Grand Opening! $3.99 gal! Squeegees free with purchase!

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Can be used for eyeballs also? (hork, retch)

Negropolis September 22, 2011 at 2:21 am

Hey, now. Don't be dragging the Yoopers into this. They are Michgian's special little guys, but they mean well.

MissTaken September 21, 2011 at 12:29 pm

I'm glad that in these tough economic times our proud country has found something of value to export: teabagging birtherism.

Chillwaver September 21, 2011 at 12:31 pm

'Birther Faction One over at the “Canada Free Press”'

Canada? Oh, come on…the Pailn Klan has to be behind this. Good to know Sarah finally decided to put her Community College journalism degree to good use…

elviouslyqueer September 21, 2011 at 12:34 pm

*clicks on WND linky*

*beholds A VOICE OF SANITY column title*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *gasps for oxygen* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

simplyblue7 September 21, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Marco Rubio is as American as Cuban Pie.

horsedreamer_1 September 21, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Yo soy ropa vieja, dijo el Senador.

mumbly_joe September 21, 2011 at 12:37 pm

They're both crazy, but at least faction #1 is applying their imaginary principles evenly, by claiming that no brown people or children of immigrants can ever hold office, because of imaginary wordings in the special editions of the Constitution that exist only in their heads. They're merely insane racists.

Faction #2, which includes World Net Daily, apparently? is literally saying that the thing that makes Obama a secret illegal immigrant is that they hate his politics. So, they manage to at once be vastly more honest about where they're coming from, and vastly more hypocritical and insane. And also more craven and fascist, too.

WhatTheHeck September 21, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Why don’t we “Just sit back and enjoy the show.”

James Michael Curley September 21, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Muéstrame el birtho certifico longo

horsedreamer_1 September 21, 2011 at 1:07 pm

El Acta de Nacimiento, Formulario Largo?

James Michael Curley September 21, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Sí compañero, pero Obama tiene una más larga

horsedreamer_1 September 21, 2011 at 3:38 pm

No es posible que heredara las caracteristicas sexuales de su familia materna?

JustPixelz September 21, 2011 at 12:38 pm

I don't know if I have the strength to walk down the birf'er trail again. (sighs, cracks knuckles, takes a drink, and another)

The "father not born here" argument — if it had any validity — would lead to DNA testing to prove paternity. Who says Rubio's father (or Obama's) is the man named on the birf cert? You need a DNA test to avoid the death penalty*, so you should need one to be POTUS.

Does anyone know — really know — who Ronald Reagan's father was? Can Sarah Palin™ prove who her father is? Can Bristol?

Step up WND: Show us the DNA test!
_____________________
* offer not valid in Texas

Chichikovovich September 21, 2011 at 2:09 pm

I thought WND settled that Obama's father was actually Malcolm X? He was a citizen, right? So we're all set, and Bob's your uncle.

slithytoves September 21, 2011 at 12:38 pm

This is the equivalent of children throwing sand at each other – neither fight I care about.

johnnyzhivago September 21, 2011 at 12:38 pm

An American military officer writing for a Canadian news outlet has got to be some kind of treason. Definitely will be sending that guy to Gitmo after we invade Canada for its tar sands.

V572 T-Blow September 21, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Yeah, man, we need those tar sands, which take 150 BTUs to produce for every 100 BTUs they generate. Guess we'll make it up in volume. Or use "clean coal" to power the plant that extracts the oil.

Negropolis September 22, 2011 at 2:27 am

The tar sands make mountaintop removal look damn-near quaint. That is some messy, destructive shit.

Negropolis September 22, 2011 at 2:25 am

Sweet, sweet Albertan and Saskatchewan(sp?) tea.

Not_So_Much September 21, 2011 at 12:40 pm

First time I saw him, I thought 'Anchor/Terror Baby'.

metamarcisf September 21, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Marco Rubio would make a great vice-presidential candidate. Except that, according to the Constitution, he is not a natural born citizen because his parents weren't U.S. citizens at the time of his birth. Sadly, he is ineligible for the office. If, on the other hand, President Obama had not produced his actual birth certificate, submarining sales of Jerome Corsi's book, Rubio would be eligible since he was born in the United States.

MozakiBlocks September 21, 2011 at 12:52 pm

I think I actually understood that one.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 21, 2011 at 8:07 pm

Birther argumenst are like quantum mechanics: the results are perfectly predictable, but they defy common sense.
And as Feynman didn't, but would have said, "If you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don't understand quantum mechanics."

not that Dewey September 22, 2011 at 11:48 am

And further, as soon as you attempt any sort of measurement, the standard of proof changes.

Redhead September 21, 2011 at 12:41 pm

"If anything, his words indicate that he favors returning the United States to its founding roots."

Where women couldn't vote and people with brown skin could be sold and bought?

GOPCrusher September 21, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Yeah. Lets try returning to the good ol "women are chattel" days, if we want to see some violence.

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Yeah, well, I'm not even going to try to run that past my ex. For a short little person, she has a mean right cross.

fuflans September 21, 2011 at 12:42 pm

i must confess i am enjoying looking at levi in the crosshairs.

courtney was starting to bore me.

baconzgood September 21, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Kortney was ok. I still miss that little Latin #. My lil' lady is latin and Lookin at hot pepper girl all day while Wonketting at work assisted our relationship. + I prefer the brunettes to the blonds.

anniegetyerfun September 21, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Kortney wasn't really blond. I mean, if you checked the carpet. Which I did.

MissTaken September 21, 2011 at 12:56 pm

The way Harold Evans keeps looking at me is making me feel all tingly inside.

Gleem_McShineys September 21, 2011 at 5:00 pm

…As long as he's not "loving his vegetables" as well.

HarryButtle September 21, 2011 at 3:49 pm

They're not crosshairs, they're surveyors marks.

arihaya September 21, 2011 at 12:42 pm

He has also been consistent in preaching the gospel of capitalism, entrepreneurship, low taxes, less regulation,

so he is a Cuban who wish to make America into Somalia?

Steverino247 September 21, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Marco!

Rubio!

Marco!

Rubio!

Marco! (Where is that guy?)

baconzgood September 21, 2011 at 12:45 pm

No fair. You're not allowed to leave the pool.

Steverino247 September 21, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Only those who have left the asylum are worried about it, though.

Indiepalin September 21, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Headline of the day (World Net Daily):

"Sheriff Joe: 'Maybe I should Run for President'"

chicken_thief September 21, 2011 at 4:19 pm

He may be a little late. Christie is allegedly rethinking a run. Not enough room for two fat fucks on the stage.

Jukesgrrl September 21, 2011 at 6:21 pm

He would have to be the first candidate to campaign only electronically because he doesn't have the time or the heart condition to travel nationwide AND get to all his son's Little League games.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 21, 2011 at 8:14 pm

Sigh. A dozen unqualified douchebags running, everyone complaining about the absensce of a decent candidate, and all it does is inspire more unqualified douchebags to run.
It will never dawn on them that it's not possible to kiss teabagger ass AND be qualified.

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:47 pm

I think he means "from."

Slim_Pickins September 21, 2011 at 9:14 pm

Bring it on!

baconzgood September 21, 2011 at 12:44 pm

So these Canadians are concerned that an American President is from Keyna? WHAAAAAAA???????

johnnyzhivago September 21, 2011 at 12:47 pm

It's not written by a Canadian, the author is a US Army Reserve Col. who was kicked out of Afghanistan because he was writing articles critical of the top brass. I happen to actually know the guy from several years back, and honestly don't understand it – his mind must have snapped totally in Iraq or Afghanistan…

chascates September 21, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Man, even Abraham Lincoln might not pass muster these days!!

Oh, wait. That 'emancipation' thing.

MozakiBlocks September 21, 2011 at 12:54 pm

There is that whole "might have suffered from clinical depression and also gay" thing, so you are probably right.

KeepFnThatChicken September 21, 2011 at 12:54 pm

I'm glad their press is Canada-free. Fucking frozen soshulists.

anniegetyerfun September 21, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Marco Rubio: Olive skin that we can tolerate.

snoopyfan2010 September 21, 2011 at 12:56 pm

This why I read Wonkette, for pics and the headlines. Keep on keeping on, guys.

That's all I have to offer.

BaldarTFlagass September 21, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Well, if Rubio gets to be VP, maybe there will be a little bit more Perez Prado on the radio.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOuRWkLP-dA

BaldarTFlagass September 21, 2011 at 12:59 pm

I'm still trying to figure out the Sgt Pepper connection.

Doktor Zoom September 21, 2011 at 1:03 pm

BIRTHERDOME! BIRTHERDOME! BIRTHERDOME!

Two morons enter! No morons leave!

Callyson September 21, 2011 at 1:03 pm

These birther nuts are getting picky. From that Canada Free Press article:
Being born in the U.S. makes one a U.S. citizen, but not necessarily a natural born citizen, which requires US citizen parents at the time of birth. The Founding Fathers specifically put that requirement in the Constitution to prevent someone having dual allegiance from becoming President.
Marco Rubio was born in the US, which makes him a US citizen. His parents were not US citizens at the time of his birth. Therefore, Marco Rubio is not a natural born citizen and not eligible for the office of President or Vice President.
Although not defined in the Constitution, Article II, Section I, Clause 5 specifically requires, not just citizenship, but natural born citizenship.
Next thing you know, they'll be telling us that the Constitution requires presidents to have been in little league baseball, lived in a house with a white picket fence, and prefer apple pie for dessert.

chicken_thief September 21, 2011 at 4:25 pm

And have voted Republican all their life. YOU HEAR THAT, PERRY?!!! You're NEXT!

Biel_ze_Bubba September 21, 2011 at 8:44 pm

That's bad news for Chester A. Arthur — his father was Irish, and didn't become a US citizen until Chester was 14.

Oh well — you go into an election year with the nuts you have, not the nuts you wish you had.

jus_wonderin September 21, 2011 at 1:05 pm

How can so many be such big dicks???

sunmusing September 21, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Does it mean that I'm insane if I understand what the birther's fight is all about?

Whew………I dodged a bullet on that one.

SayItWithWookies September 21, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Marco Rubio isn't the real story. The real story is that Wonkette used my Photoshop to illustrate a post! Yaaaaay!

Come here a minute September 21, 2011 at 1:13 pm

I'm glad I zoomed in to see ORLY in all her GLORY.

SayItWithWookies September 21, 2011 at 1:17 pm
Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Nice work, Wooks!

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 21, 2011 at 1:27 pm

And now the Internet dollars will start to flow!

SayItWithWookies September 21, 2011 at 1:34 pm

I'll be making a brief announcement when we get the IPO date settled — gotta jump on this action while it's hot. I learned that from Christine O'Donnell's book tour.

V572 T-Blow September 21, 2011 at 2:44 pm

And without crediting you, because that's the way K B-J rolls.

SayItWithWookies September 21, 2011 at 3:58 pm

That would just be redundant, since I'm pretty much gonna tell everyone anyway.

Come here a minute September 21, 2011 at 5:59 pm

OH YEAH? Well I "Tipped" the traffic light post, without credit! So there!

V572 T-Blow September 21, 2011 at 7:10 pm

And I tipped the story of Mitt's La Jolla mansion, complete with Google Maps street view, also without credit. I'm a victim, like Sarah Palin!

MissTaken September 21, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Yesterday I watched two pigeons fight over a pickle slice in the street. That made more sense than this birther fight.

iburl September 21, 2011 at 1:21 pm

"consistent in preaching the gospel of capitalism"

THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME <- Some Communist

iburl September 21, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Johnny Winter?

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 21, 2011 at 1:29 pm

He has also been consistent in preaching the gospel of capitalism, entrepreneurship, low taxes, less regulation, less borrowing and the greatness of the American way of life.

So, WND's argument is that it doesn't matter where you were born, or what the Constitution says, as long as you keep to Republican talking points.

This at least makes sense of their support of everything the Bush administration ever did.

chicken_thief September 21, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Except for the deficits, that is. *eyes rolling*

metamarcisf September 21, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Oh, and here's a gem on this from a commentor at Breitbart today, someone called Anagnorisis:

"I don't think there is a Constitutional basis for that argument. The natural born citizen requirement is only for the Office of the President. Should the President leave office with Rubio as Vice President the succession would follow as described in Amendments 20 and 25. Choosing Rubio for VP would be problematic only if the President is unable to perform the duties of the office."

Gotta cover those bases…this would make Speaker Boner – no wait, by then it'll be Speaker Bachmann…

Have a nice day.

SorosBot September 21, 2011 at 2:06 pm

"No person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President"

Nope, I don't see US citizen parents as a requirement there. You fail the Constitution. That is, Anagnorisis does; not you newly green metamarcisf.

Chichikovovich September 21, 2011 at 2:25 pm

You underestimate the lunatic intensity of the mad birthers' quest. They've been busy beavering away at old law books since the inauguration. Click the link to the Canada Free Press and it's sublinks (if you dare) and learn more than you ever wanted to know about Minor vs. Happersett (1874), US v. Wong Kim Ark (1922) and other highlights of U.S. jurisprudence. Really is quite impressive, in it's way, like the ravings of a paranoid schizophrenic proving the existence of government mind control from coincidences among published baseball box scores.

horsedreamer_1 September 21, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Sabrmetrics are COINTELPRO.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 21, 2011 at 9:25 pm

"No person constitutionally ineligible to the office of President shall be eligible to that of Vice-President of the United States."

— 12th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution

That boy is a real scholar, and a credit to his BrightFarting colleagues.

not that Dewey September 22, 2011 at 11:45 am

How could the birthers forget the scandal that surrounded Madeline Albright and the rules of succession? Aren't they perpetually primed to drag Clinton into all their lunatic ravings?

Ayn Rand Paul Tard September 21, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Why would any party have to nominate a secret furriner when we have plenty of homegrown hacks who suck corporate big ones? And it's not like any of them live up to the stereotypes of the frothing wingnuts. Obama: Kenyan-Socialist-Muslim, really not doing a good job at being any of these. Rubio: Cuban/Messican-illegal immigrant, seems to work hard and enjoys oppressing others including other brown people! What I'm getting out of this then is that illegals are actually better and being all American-y than the domestic supply. And there's nothing more American than the free-market, birther bitches.

Chet Kincaid September 21, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Oh, it was so romantic when the suave latin gentleman gave Nancy Reagan a "dip"! Make him Vice President of Lady-Walking by acclamation!!

horsedreamer_1 September 21, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Did he put his hand up on her hip?

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:55 pm

You know how "hot" those culludz are. I'm sure there was some unseemly gropeage.

Negropolis September 22, 2011 at 2:39 am

When I dip, you dip, we dip!

tihond September 22, 2011 at 10:33 am

Yes, but at least he didn't show her his tootsie roll.

ttommyunger September 21, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Young Marco obviously can charm the Blue-Hair Crowd residing on America's flaccid penis, but on the National scene he would be about as strong as a popcorn fart in a whirlwind. Maybe in ten years, if he can keep his nose clean ( stay in the closet), but not before.

Guppy06 September 21, 2011 at 2:00 pm

The Canada Free Press doubts the credentials of any president who refuses to swear allegiance to Her Majesty.

Chet Kincaid September 21, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Elric of Melnibone?

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Wow! SuperGeekNerd Award!

It's been decades since I even HEARD about that.

Chet Kincaid September 21, 2011 at 11:09 pm

Are the LOTR geeks shunning Moorcock because of that "Epic Pooh" essay or something?

Chet Kincaid September 21, 2011 at 2:13 pm

This is the most knee-slappingly droll section of the World Net "A Voice Of Sanity" (these guys kill me!) article:

"All this reminds me again why I believe the Constitution needs to be redrafted, [ital] for clarification purposes only, [end ital] by constitutional scholars, preferably strict-constructionist constitutional scholars.

"Among the items that need clarification are the general-welfare clause (Article I, Section 8, not to mention the use of the term 'general welfare' in the Preamble to the Constitution), the Second Amendment (needs an 'and' before 'the right of the people to keep and bear arms'), and the 14th Amendment (clarifying that it was intended to cover the children of former slaves, not illegal immigrants).

"Realistically, however, this isn't going to happen any time soon, and, if it did, I would be concerned about who would be doing the redrafting."

Biel_ze_Bubba September 21, 2011 at 9:32 pm

Yeah … like nobody else would be concerned about this dipshit's "clarifications."

On the internet, nobody can tell you're a dog … but somehow we can still spot the idiots.

not that Dewey September 22, 2011 at 11:43 am

The original version of the 2nd amendment did include that "and". The Holy Founders saw fit to get rid of it.

MrFizzy September 21, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Who cares where he was born. He could've popped out of the V. Mary's squeaky cooter and he'd still be an asshole.

owhatever September 21, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Does the fact that Fidel Castro is his godfather make any difference? "Marco Rubio" is Cuban talk for "Bay of Pigs."

horsedreamer_1 September 21, 2011 at 3:42 pm

You're thinking of erstwhile House member Lincoln Diaz Balart's father.

Meaning, the U.S.-Cuba rivalry is just a Family Feud. And needs Richard Dawson and 100 randomly surveyed people to settle it.

"The Obama Family controls the board, but with two strikes. If Uncle Joe gets the third, Familia Castro can steal".

(Also: Dawson would impregnate FLOTUS.)

pdiddycornchips September 21, 2011 at 2:31 pm

"his words indicate that he favors returning the United States to its founding roots."

And by "roots" they mean the mini series.

Pat_Pending September 21, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Or is Marco implying that perhaps the U.S. has carpet that doesn't match the drapes??

horsedreamer_1 September 21, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Lucius Malfoy?

chicken_thief September 21, 2011 at 4:23 pm

What about Mittens? His padre was born in Meh-hee-co. And Hubert Humphrey? His mama was from soshulist Norway. I'm thinking there were others, too. Also. Barry Goldwater, possibly?

Jukesgrrl September 21, 2011 at 6:31 pm

Barry Morris Goldwater (originally Goldwasser) was born to a Jewish father, so surely that was enough to have disqualified him. Additionally, he was born in Arizona Territory, not yet a state, so you should have even more birther craziness there. But given he was known as Mr. Conservative, I'm sure all would be forgiven.

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:04 pm

What the fuck is wrong with these people, Jesus Christ? Are they all just so skullfucked crazy from those eee-ooo-eee-ooo-eee munching sounds the bugs are making while eating their brains, or what? WHAT? Is there any remedy to this relentless onslaught of crazy other than getting, and staying, drunk till November 2012?

Jukesgrrl September 21, 2011 at 6:34 pm

Eat a lot of sugar and watch the Kardashians all day, just as they do?

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 8:11 pm

Sure, why not? Dia-bee-tus and hoverrounds are our fate, and we should accept them with something that passes for grace.

Jukesgrrl September 21, 2011 at 5:59 pm

And it's trickled down and multiplied among the youth. All of them seem to think they are destined to be rock stars, pro athletes, famous actors, or reality TV stars. People magazine cover, here I come (as soon as I lose 100 pounds and get a make-over).

MonsterAGoGo September 21, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Yeah, the Repubbies want to return to Roots alright. They want the chance to whip Kunta Kinte themselves.

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 8:11 pm

Except I think they think his name is Barack Obama.

glamourdammerung September 21, 2011 at 6:24 pm

I doubt the Republicans wish to eliminate their token minorities.

widget2011 September 21, 2011 at 7:40 pm

That is sacrilegious usage of the Beatles "Seargent Peppers Lonly Hearts Club Band" imagery. Prabably should replace John, Paul, Gerore & Ringo with, Boenher, Cantor, Kyl & Perry, all mooning us.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 21, 2011 at 8:46 pm

Michael Jackson?

Slim_Pickins September 21, 2011 at 9:17 pm

My Bad, We have a winner!

Original comment: "Mirror, mirror on the wall who's the whitest of them all?"

ibwilliamsi September 22, 2011 at 12:28 am

Anchor baby…

Negropolis September 22, 2011 at 1:52 am

You know former Michigan congresscritter Pete Hoekstra was born in the Netherlands to Dutch parents with Dutch being his first language, but you didn't ever here shit about it.

Hey, Marco? Polo! You courted these bastards to destroy Crist. Tough nuggets.

BTW, is WorldNet Daily arguing that because they like him, he's not illegal?

Sue4466 September 21, 2011 at 1:21 pm

And revocation of citizenship.

GOPCrusher September 21, 2011 at 1:23 pm

You're assuming that he was a citizen to start with. Sheriff Joe Arpaio is forming a "cold case" investigation for Obama's real Kenyan birth certificate.

Beowoof September 21, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Shouldn't he be investigating misspent funds in his department. Oh wait he misspent those funds.
http://americasvoiceonline.org/blog/entry/az_sher

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Isn't that just too fucking unbelievable? That waste of skin, Joe Arpaio, has the unmitigated gall to think his rinkydinky little weener of a department is capable of conducting a more exhaustive investigation into the POTUS than the CIA/FBI/NSA. I wish a giant crying eagle would fly right up to Joe Arpaio and dump a monstrous shit right on his head.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 21, 2011 at 7:49 pm

And you would not believe what they're finding.

Really: you would not.

user-of-owls September 21, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Things were more hopeful then.

I don't know, I mean things were pretty ominous in 1857.

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Without hope, we are nothing.

I once asked a wise woman I know if it was wrong to be paranoid. She said, "No, probably not, since paranoiacs are correct in their suspicions some 2/3 of the time. But do you want to live your life that way?" Hope is only misplaced if we place it in another. Hope, supported by work, achieves the desired results and makes our lot in life easier to bear. I will not give up hope. (Or work.)

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Poor user.

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Dammit, I'm *always* late to the party.

Pristine_ODummy September 21, 2011 at 7:53 pm

I try not to look over there for fear of losing what's left of my sight.

Dashboard_Jesus September 22, 2011 at 12:46 am

well at least they don't pee in it, right?

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: