nut on nut violence

Birthers Fighting Among Themselves About Going After Marco Rubio

Don't break up the band, Nancy Reagan!One of the birther factions — apparently there’s more than one, even though we have always thought of them as a single amoebic mass of crazy — is starting some hilarious shit about the GOP’s anointed son Florida Senator Marco Rubio with claims that he is not a “natural born citizen,” because he has Cuban parents (the fashionable birther argument du jour is to declare the existence of anyone whose parents were not born in a white country to be totally unconstitutional). As far as we can tell this is just some inane species of butt hurt retaliation toward the GOP for having grown politically bored with exploiting birther nonsense, but this has other birthers going all nuclear over the claims that Rubio, a notorious teabagger, is a secret communist infiltrator.  

Rubio has already locked up the veep slot on the eventual GOP ticket because of a recent incident where he prevented sacred Republican totem Nancy Reagan from eating dirt on the floor.

Birther Faction One over at the “Canada Free Press” (?) holds that it is still illegal for a brown person no matter what party he belongs to become Veep or President, especially if that party is full of corrupt assholes who ignore birthers:

The precedent of an illegal President having been established by the inauguration of Obama, the Republicans now feel free to promote their own illegal candidates.

I believe Marco Rubio is a good man and a fine public servant. Unfortunately, like Obama, he is not eligible for the Presidency or the Vice Presidency because he is not a natural born citizen.

Birther Faction Two at WorldNetDaily IS NOT HAVING IT:

Unlike Barack Obama, Rubio doesn’t have a mysterious past filled with unanswered questions. He has also been consistent in preaching the gospel of capitalism, entrepreneurship, low taxes, less regulation, less borrowing and the greatness of the American way of life.

In other words, Rubio has never even so much as implied that he wants to fundamentally change America. If anything, his words indicate that he favors returning the United States to its founding roots.

Eat each other, alive! That is the only sensible way to resolve this “debate.” [Canada Free Press/ WorldNetDaily]

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296 comments

      1. user-of-owls

        Prynne was born in the colonies, NOT the USA! She set a precedent for non-citizens to achieve literary prominence! And for Slut Walking too!!

          1. user-of-owls

            Misspelling there, friend. You meant Andrew JOHNSON, right? You know, because of The Late Unpleasantness/War Between the States/War of Yankee Aggression?

            What? Oh, yes, I am in fact a Yankee living in the South.

    1. subsum

      I like Miami. It's close to the US and you still can get away with shit like everywhere else in Latin America.

      1. padremickey

        I know that the Miami Herald is THE paper to read if you're a Latin American dictator interested in keeping up with U.S. baseball scores.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Have we considered the possibility that "Canadian Free Press" is our northern neighbors' version of The Onion? Those Canucks can have a supremely droll sense of humor, when they put their minds to it. (i.e. between NHL seasons.)

  1. MissusBarry

    Constitution and laws dictating who is a citizen by virtue of jus soli…just a bunch of secular mumbo jumbo from the morans who don't believe jeebus rode dinosaurs.

  2. OneDollarJuana

    Returning America to its founding roots is fundamental change. Only land-owners voting, only men voting, black people only 3/5 human, etc.

    Right on, Marco! You go, girl!

    1. chicken_thief

      Rubio would take us back so far that he wouldn't be able to vote for himself if he ran for re-election.

    2. Pristine_ODummy

      You know this "black people only 3/5 human" sort of ignores the condition of those people who might not have been black but sure as hell weren't white either. From what I see, their treatment was not exactly of the best. IIRC, there was a time when Irishwomen who came to the US as indentured servants chose to have children by Black men because slaves could at least be manumitted, or buy their freedom, whereas an indentured servant's debt devolved upon her heirs at her death.

    3. Pristine_ODummy

      Also, too, the reports of Chinese laundrymen roasted alive in their homes and shops, the Exclusion Act and miscegeneation laws that kept Pilipinos, East Indians, Chinese, and other such suspiciously-hued frrnrrs from bringing their wives and children with them, and other such pervasive evidence of the Persecution of Teh Duskily Inclined.

        1. Pristine_ODummy

          I think this was shortly after the La Brea Tar Pits closed for business, dear.

          Just kidding, as I know you are. Sometimes my snarkmeter just gets clogged by EvilRePubes.

    4. Biel_ze_Bubba

      But he'll be having food fights with the faction who want the US to go back to 1890. And of course, the faction who want to go back to 1860 will have none of it.

      What is it about old, vague documents that attracts these nutters?

        1. Pat_Pending

          YEAH! Only ALIENS punch through the host's stomach to get born!!! Ask Sigourney Weaver, she'll tell ya!

        2. Pat_Pending

          And no Caesar salads either! They got fuckin' anchovies in them, and what red-blooded American eats that faggy, fish shit???

      1. Pristine_ODummy

        Macduff was from his mother's womb
        Untimely ripped

        i.e., not vaginally born, therefore not eligible.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Xtine for the first one, obvs.
        Who's the second?

        (Bachmann is scary for the wrong reasons … I can't see her as a witch.)

        1. Pristine_ODummy

          A-HEM!!

          Thanks for putting my name in the hat, Biely.

          Ann Coulter has been proposed. Not to, but for.

        1. Guppy06

          I felt it necessary to specify "the elder" as that of "the younger" has probably already been seen by most of the internet.

          EDIT: Or was that Jenna? It's so hard to keep our future presidents straight.

          1. Pristine_ODummy

            I think it was the not-blond one, whichever that is. Changing into her bikini bottoms at the beach? Yeah, I stared.

  3. BaldarTFlagass

    "Rubio has never even so much as implied that he wants to fundamentally change America. If anything, his words indicate that he favors returning the United States to its founding roots."

    How many slaves am I going to be allowed, and will they speak English already? Also, I want to get in on the ground floor on exploitation of cheap Cuban labor when the Castros are finally ousted. Does anyone have Hyman Roth's cell phone number or email address?

    1. DashboardBuddha

      Sorry Baldar…you, like the rest of us are going to be too busy avoiding being made slaves to actually own some.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        I'm very much looking forward to suffering another potato famine and then paying off my great-grandpappy's debts in a workhouse. FREEDOM!

    2. user-of-owls

      No one knows who gave the order. When I heard it, I wasn't angry; I knew Marco, I knew he was head-strong, talking loud, saying stupid things. So when he turned up deported back to Cuba, I let it go. And I said to myself, this is the business we've chosen; I didn't ask who gave the order, because it had nothing to do with business!

    3. JustPixelz

      TP'ers love the 19th century. Rugged individualism unsullied by the government. Unless you're a slave. Then the government had a lot of regulations, especially about returning them to their rightful owner. Also people died about 40 years younger than today.

        1. user-of-owls

          I saw that movie!

          John Goodman was terrific as Dr. John Emerson. As was Morgan Freeman playing Scott. And playing every other black person too.

          1. Pristine_ODummy

            Without hope, we are nothing.

            I once asked a wise woman I know if it was wrong to be paranoid. She said, "No, probably not, since paranoiacs are correct in their suspicions some 2/3 of the time. But do you want to live your life that way?" Hope is only misplaced if we place it in another. Hope, supported by work, achieves the desired results and makes our lot in life easier to bear. I will not give up hope. (Or work.)

  4. DaRooster

    "If anything, his words indicate that he favors returning the United States to its founding roots."

    Returning to our Roots? Wow… so this is the "Jobs" thing everyone is talking about.
    "Jobs for everyone! Pay?! What pay?"

      1. Doktor Zoom

        My name… Bop-sha-Bop, son of Sha-Na-Na! Grandson of the great holy man, Shboom Shboom!

        Your name is Peggy Fleming.

        Bop-sha-Bop!

        Peggy Fleming!!

  5. ManchuCandidate

    Inane infighting was bound to happen among the Teabaggers. That much crazy contained in one area was bound to explode into a hilarious mess of racism, toxic religoid fundamentalism and stupidity as prophesied by the great film of US America Politics, The Life of Brian.

    To answer a question no one is asking: Canada "Free" "Press" is basically the Canada City equivalent of World Nut Daily albeit more hypocritical because they get "free" healthcare and bitch endlessly about it.

  6. freakishlywrong

    Unfortunately, like Obama, he is not eligible for the Presidency or the Vice Presidency because he is not a natural born citizen. I love the way they say that as though it's empirical fact. Actually, I fucking hate it.

    1. Goonemeritus

      The logic is sound you see you cannot be a natural born citizen if your parents were not natural born citizens. For your parents to be natural born citizens all 4 of your grandparents (two if you’re in the Bible belt) need to be natural born. Since we are a nation of Immigrants it is clear that up to this point all administrations have been illegitimate. Since only Native Americans are natural born I suppose they qualify other than that I suppose we should call a mulligan and ask the Queen to take us back.

  7. not that Dewey

    Let me see if I got this straight, World Net Daily: having an illegal alien president would be fine, so long as

    (a) it's not Obama, and
    (b) he'd be willing to poison the environment, cause millions to starve and live lives of cold, ragged indignity, and funnel money to the job creators.

    Otherwise, forget it!

        1. user-of-owls

          The Basques are kind of white-ish. Plus they wear berets!

          I mean the only thing cooler than a president wearing a beret would be one wearing a fez.

  8. freakishlywrong

    Rubio is not as brown as the Kenyan, and has trashed Social Security. Therefore, birfed in U.S. of America.

  9. baconzgood

    I looked at the Canada free press and I have my doubts as to it's Canadian authenticity. First of all it sais "without America there would be no free world", there were no ads for Molson beer, and most startling of all it lacked hockey scores.

    1. SorosBot

      Based on some research from the last time a Canada Free Press story came up, I found it's like Britain's Sun, a combo National Enquirer style gossip rag and NY Post style far right propaganda, and is not exactly known to be credible.

      1. MissTaken

        That's strange because I thought all legitimate press organizations had a "Countdown to Obama Leaving The White House" ticking down on their websites.

  10. El Pinche

    So I don't have my modern racist conversion chart on me , but let me get this straight:

    birther = white supremacist
    patriot = racist fucko
    not a natural born citizen = nigger/spic
    teaparty = modern KKK
    "If anything, his words indicate that he favors returning the United States to its founding roots." = back when the nigger didn't run the country

    I remember the time when racists kept it real. *sigh*

    1. JustPixelz

      Let's just take America all the way back. Descendants of native people only. Whites, Asians, Blacks — you're out. Mexicans, Salvadorans, casino owners — you're in.

      1. BornInATrailer

        Funny that you say that… the Cherokee nation just kicked out all the blacks. Or are in the process of doing so. "Huh?" you might say. Apparently these are the black descendents of slaves owned by Cherokees. And they've decided they are no longer welcome. It is a little surreal and sad.

        And in a hilarious twist, some of the black slave descendents might be part Cherokee. But of course records are difficult since the whole terrible labeled-with-the-darker skin thing. So part white/part Cherokee would be Cherokee, but part Cherokee/part black would have been put down as black in any records "back in the day."

        1. memzilla

          Some significant percentage of black/Cherokee progeny result from the Buffalo Soldiers' posting on the prairie, implementing America's Manifest Destiny.

          An interesting parallel between how welcome these children are amongst the Cherokee Nation — children fathered by the same soldiers who killed so many Cherokees — and how welcome the children of American soldiers are in Vietnamese society… for the same reason.

          1. Negropolis

            Yeah, some is not most. What the Nation is doing is just plain wrong, and the argument for kicking them out is so racially tinged it's not even funny. Most (i.e. the vast majority) of these descendents are the result of Cherokee slave owners. That's just a fact.

  11. freakishlywrong

    Anyone else starting to think that maybe this stupid fucking cuntry DESERVES a President Perry? Then, we can start the revolution while there's a wingnut in the whitehouse.

    1. MOG2410

      I'm too old to "man the baricades", but I can knit caps and make stone soup for the rest of the revolutionaries.

      1. GeorgiaBurning

        The modern equivalent to manning the barricades will be hacking. Start with rigging the vote on "Dancing with the Stars", go on to posting Republican congressmen's favorite boy porn sites on their facebook pages.

      2. chicken_thief

        I'm too stoned to "man the barricades", but I can knit caps and make old soup for the rest of the revolutionaries. After I finish this bag of Cheetos.

    2. Rotundo_

      The folks that elect presnits like Perry, yes. Those of us who are in the reality based community not so much. You can never fix stupid, but you can try to marginalize it. It has been done before. Unfortunately the hoople heads (as Al Swearengen lovingly called them) will swallow anything big money feeds them. These are the folks buying lotto tickets along with their cigarettes and beer, confident they will die at 90 with a shitload of money in the bank and young widows with huge breasts mourning them. The salt of the earth. Morons.

    1. crybabyboehner

      When Mr. China Man tells us about our "workout deal" there will be no more free Hoverounds (w/ The Grabber!). No more babies for poor lady. No more hip replacement for grandma. No more retirement from flipping anusburgers.

  12. OneYieldRegular

    I really don't understand why these people would support anyone for President other than an American fetus.

  13. SorosBot

    No, morons, "natural born citizen" does not have some secret special meaning other than the plain meaning on its face; it simply excludes naturalized citizens, that's it, anyone born as a citizen qualifies. If you were born in the USA, you are a natural born citizen, period. If your mother was a US citizen, you are a natural born citizen, period. If your father was a US citizen, you are probably a US citizen but it gets a little more complicated because there are rules based on the outdated notions of legitimacy and that medical science did not have a way to prove fatherhood when the rules were made.

    1. MissTaken

      But, but, it wasn't natural when that obviously over-sexed white girl had sexy time with the nasty black Kenyan so the byproduct can't possibly be naturally born. Duh!

        1. Doktor Zoom

          People try to put us down,
          'Cause I'm white and she is brown.
          Don't wanna cause a big sensation,
          Just talkin' bout mis-s-scegenation!

    2. mumbly_joe

      WND seems to be saying that liberals don't count as natural-born citizens, because. I wish I could identify some other political ideology which holds that people who cleave to different political ideologies are automatically criminals and non-citizens and should be arrested for believing different things, but for the life of me, I can't remember what it's called.

      1. GOPCrusher

        Have to admit, it is pretty far-fetched to think that the American public would ever elect a black Democrat to be President.

    3. fuflans

      Rubio has never even so much as implied that he wants to fundamentally change America.

      also morans! the constitution does not prohibit eligibility for people with different views than yours.

      (this is why you are allowed to vote.)

  14. Tommmcattt

    Eat each other, alive! That is the only sensible way to resolve this “debate.”

    Let's do it at my house. I've got ketchup, plates, silverware, whatever they need. I'll even buy the wine.

    1. Steverino247

      A Birfer once tested my patience while I explained why Obama was really a citizen. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti…

  15. DaRooster

    "I believe Marco Rubio is a good man and a fine public servant."

    A bit OT but way back when we first came up with this place they were just that, Public Servants. I too believe we should go back- to when Congress did not get paid… they did their best because they thought they could help this country become what it was… not what it has become.

  16. Fawkdifiknow

    When your whole political philosophy was concocted in a void of history, reality or the common sense god gave chickens, you have a penchant for destroying yourself before you can finish off the rest of the country. It's been scary, though.

  17. Rotundo_

    It is fun to watch them cut each other up like this. There's something reassuring in morons getting in slap fights over where Marco was popped out of. I just hope that the birfers and troofers and the yoopers and whoever the hell else is wrangling manages to fuck them up enough to lose some elections.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Got in an online cat fight a few months back with a birther who was trying to tell me that, in order to qualify to run as President, both of your parents had to be born on US soil. After having pointed out (using actual links to the Constitooshun and the US Code) that that was not true AT ALL, he said, "Well, Corsi's book comes out soon, and that will settle the matter." It's amazing how they can just spew utter nonsense, get called out on it, and then proclaim the Jerome Corsi will make it all better.

      1. Chet Kincaid

        As if Corsi is a gigantic, supine bitch with thousands of nipples all over his flabby gut nourishing the teeming, hungry little nutjobs.

        Brain Bleach Depot Grand Opening! $3.99 gal! Squeegees free with purchase!

    2. Negropolis

      Hey, now. Don't be dragging the Yoopers into this. They are Michgian's special little guys, but they mean well.

  18. MissTaken

    I'm glad that in these tough economic times our proud country has found something of value to export: teabagging birtherism.

  19. Chillwaver

    'Birther Faction One over at the “Canada Free Press”'

    Canada? Oh, come on…the Pailn Klan has to be behind this. Good to know Sarah finally decided to put her Community College journalism degree to good use…

  20. elviouslyqueer

    *clicks on WND linky*

    *beholds A VOICE OF SANITY column title*

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *gasps for oxygen* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  21. mumbly_joe

    They're both crazy, but at least faction #1 is applying their imaginary principles evenly, by claiming that no brown people or children of immigrants can ever hold office, because of imaginary wordings in the special editions of the Constitution that exist only in their heads. They're merely insane racists.

    Faction #2, which includes World Net Daily, apparently? is literally saying that the thing that makes Obama a secret illegal immigrant is that they hate his politics. So, they manage to at once be vastly more honest about where they're coming from, and vastly more hypocritical and insane. And also more craven and fascist, too.

  22. JustPixelz

    I don't know if I have the strength to walk down the birf'er trail again. (sighs, cracks knuckles, takes a drink, and another)

    The "father not born here" argument — if it had any validity — would lead to DNA testing to prove paternity. Who says Rubio's father (or Obama's) is the man named on the birf cert? You need a DNA test to avoid the death penalty*, so you should need one to be POTUS.

    Does anyone know — really know — who Ronald Reagan's father was? Can Sarah Palin™ prove who her father is? Can Bristol?

    Step up WND: Show us the DNA test!
    _____________________
    * offer not valid in Texas

    1. Chichikovovich

      I thought WND settled that Obama's father was actually Malcolm X? He was a citizen, right? So we're all set, and Bob's your uncle.

  23. johnnyzhivago

    An American military officer writing for a Canadian news outlet has got to be some kind of treason. Definitely will be sending that guy to Gitmo after we invade Canada for its tar sands.

    1. V572 T-Blow

      Yeah, man, we need those tar sands, which take 150 BTUs to produce for every 100 BTUs they generate. Guess we'll make it up in volume. Or use "clean coal" to power the plant that extracts the oil.

  24. metamarcisf

    Marco Rubio would make a great vice-presidential candidate. Except that, according to the Constitution, he is not a natural born citizen because his parents weren't U.S. citizens at the time of his birth. Sadly, he is ineligible for the office. If, on the other hand, President Obama had not produced his actual birth certificate, submarining sales of Jerome Corsi's book, Rubio would be eligible since he was born in the United States.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Birther argumenst are like quantum mechanics: the results are perfectly predictable, but they defy common sense.
        And as Feynman didn't, but would have said, "If you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don't understand quantum mechanics."

  25. Redhead

    "If anything, his words indicate that he favors returning the United States to its founding roots."

    Where women couldn't vote and people with brown skin could be sold and bought?

      1. Pristine_ODummy

        Yeah, well, I'm not even going to try to run that past my ex. For a short little person, she has a mean right cross.

    1. baconzgood

      Kortney was ok. I still miss that little Latin #. My lil' lady is latin and Lookin at hot pepper girl all day while Wonketting at work assisted our relationship. + I prefer the brunettes to the blonds.

  26. arihaya

    He has also been consistent in preaching the gospel of capitalism, entrepreneurship, low taxes, less regulation,

    so he is a Cuban who wish to make America into Somalia?

    1. chicken_thief

      He may be a little late. Christie is allegedly rethinking a run. Not enough room for two fat fucks on the stage.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        He would have to be the first candidate to campaign only electronically because he doesn't have the time or the heart condition to travel nationwide AND get to all his son's Little League games.

      2. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Sigh. A dozen unqualified douchebags running, everyone complaining about the absensce of a decent candidate, and all it does is inspire more unqualified douchebags to run.
        It will never dawn on them that it's not possible to kiss teabagger ass AND be qualified.

    1. johnnyzhivago

      It's not written by a Canadian, the author is a US Army Reserve Col. who was kicked out of Afghanistan because he was writing articles critical of the top brass. I happen to actually know the guy from several years back, and honestly don't understand it – his mind must have snapped totally in Iraq or Afghanistan…

    1. MozakiBlocks

      There is that whole "might have suffered from clinical depression and also gay" thing, so you are probably right.

  27. snoopyfan2010

    This why I read Wonkette, for pics and the headlines. Keep on keeping on, guys.

    That's all I have to offer.

  28. Callyson

    These birther nuts are getting picky. From that Canada Free Press article:
    Being born in the U.S. makes one a U.S. citizen, but not necessarily a natural born citizen, which requires US citizen parents at the time of birth. The Founding Fathers specifically put that requirement in the Constitution to prevent someone having dual allegiance from becoming President.
    Marco Rubio was born in the US, which makes him a US citizen. His parents were not US citizens at the time of his birth. Therefore, Marco Rubio is not a natural born citizen and not eligible for the office of President or Vice President.
    Although not defined in the Constitution, Article II, Section I, Clause 5 specifically requires, not just citizenship, but natural born citizenship.
    Next thing you know, they'll be telling us that the Constitution requires presidents to have been in little league baseball, lived in a house with a white picket fence, and prefer apple pie for dessert.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      That's bad news for Chester A. Arthur — his father was Irish, and didn't become a US citizen until Chester was 14.

      Oh well — you go into an election year with the nuts you have, not the nuts you wish you had.

  29. SayItWithWookies

    Marco Rubio isn't the real story. The real story is that Wonkette used my Photoshop to illustrate a post! Yaaaaay!

      1. SayItWithWookies

        I'll be making a brief announcement when we get the IPO date settled — gotta jump on this action while it's hot. I learned that from Christine O'Donnell's book tour.

          1. V572 T-Blow

            And I tipped the story of Mitt's La Jolla mansion, complete with Google Maps street view, also without credit. I'm a victim, like Sarah Palin!

  30. MissTaken

    Yesterday I watched two pigeons fight over a pickle slice in the street. That made more sense than this birther fight.

  31. iburl

    "consistent in preaching the gospel of capitalism"

    THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME <- Some Communist

  32. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    He has also been consistent in preaching the gospel of capitalism, entrepreneurship, low taxes, less regulation, less borrowing and the greatness of the American way of life.

    So, WND's argument is that it doesn't matter where you were born, or what the Constitution says, as long as you keep to Republican talking points.

    This at least makes sense of their support of everything the Bush administration ever did.

  33. metamarcisf

    Oh, and here's a gem on this from a commentor at Breitbart today, someone called Anagnorisis:

    "I don't think there is a Constitutional basis for that argument. The natural born citizen requirement is only for the Office of the President. Should the President leave office with Rubio as Vice President the succession would follow as described in Amendments 20 and 25. Choosing Rubio for VP would be problematic only if the President is unable to perform the duties of the office."

    Gotta cover those bases…this would make Speaker Boner – no wait, by then it'll be Speaker Bachmann…

    Have a nice day.

    1. SorosBot

      "No person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President"

      Nope, I don't see US citizen parents as a requirement there. You fail the Constitution. That is, Anagnorisis does; not you newly green metamarcisf.

      1. Chichikovovich

        You underestimate the lunatic intensity of the mad birthers' quest. They've been busy beavering away at old law books since the inauguration. Click the link to the Canada Free Press and it's sublinks (if you dare) and learn more than you ever wanted to know about Minor vs. Happersett (1874), US v. Wong Kim Ark (1922) and other highlights of U.S. jurisprudence. Really is quite impressive, in it's way, like the ravings of a paranoid schizophrenic proving the existence of government mind control from coincidences among published baseball box scores.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      "No person constitutionally ineligible to the office of President shall be eligible to that of Vice-President of the United States."

      — 12th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution

      That boy is a real scholar, and a credit to his BrightFarting colleagues.

      1. not that Dewey

        How could the birthers forget the scandal that surrounded Madeline Albright and the rules of succession? Aren't they perpetually primed to drag Clinton into all their lunatic ravings?

  34. Ayn Rand Paul Tard

    Why would any party have to nominate a secret furriner when we have plenty of homegrown hacks who suck corporate big ones? And it's not like any of them live up to the stereotypes of the frothing wingnuts. Obama: Kenyan-Socialist-Muslim, really not doing a good job at being any of these. Rubio: Cuban/Messican-illegal immigrant, seems to work hard and enjoys oppressing others including other brown people! What I'm getting out of this then is that illegals are actually better and being all American-y than the domestic supply. And there's nothing more American than the free-market, birther bitches.

  35. ttommyunger

    Young Marco obviously can charm the Blue-Hair Crowd residing on America's flaccid penis, but on the National scene he would be about as strong as a popcorn fart in a whirlwind. Maybe in ten years, if he can keep his nose clean ( stay in the closet), but not before.

  36. Guppy06

    The Canada Free Press doubts the credentials of any president who refuses to swear allegiance to Her Majesty.

  37. Chet Kincaid

    This is the most knee-slappingly droll section of the World Net "A Voice Of Sanity" (these guys kill me!) article:

    "All this reminds me again why I believe the Constitution needs to be redrafted, [ital] for clarification purposes only, [end ital] by constitutional scholars, preferably strict-constructionist constitutional scholars.

    "Among the items that need clarification are the general-welfare clause (Article I, Section 8, not to mention the use of the term 'general welfare' in the Preamble to the Constitution), the Second Amendment (needs an 'and' before 'the right of the people to keep and bear arms'), and the 14th Amendment (clarifying that it was intended to cover the children of former slaves, not illegal immigrants).

    "Realistically, however, this isn't going to happen any time soon, and, if it did, I would be concerned about who would be doing the redrafting."

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Yeah … like nobody else would be concerned about this dipshit's "clarifications."

      On the internet, nobody can tell you're a dog … but somehow we can still spot the idiots.

    2. not that Dewey

      The original version of the 2nd amendment did include that "and". The Holy Founders saw fit to get rid of it.

  38. MrFizzy

    Who cares where he was born. He could've popped out of the V. Mary's squeaky cooter and he'd still be an asshole.

  39. owhatever

    Does the fact that Fidel Castro is his godfather make any difference? "Marco Rubio" is Cuban talk for "Bay of Pigs."

    1. horsedreamer_1

      You're thinking of erstwhile House member Lincoln Diaz Balart's father.

      Meaning, the U.S.-Cuba rivalry is just a Family Feud. And needs Richard Dawson and 100 randomly surveyed people to settle it.

      "The Obama Family controls the board, but with two strikes. If Uncle Joe gets the third, Familia Castro can steal".

      (Also: Dawson would impregnate FLOTUS.)

  40. pdiddycornchips

    "his words indicate that he favors returning the United States to its founding roots."

    And by "roots" they mean the mini series.

  41. chicken_thief

    What about Mittens? His padre was born in Meh-hee-co. And Hubert Humphrey? His mama was from soshulist Norway. I'm thinking there were others, too. Also. Barry Goldwater, possibly?

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Barry Morris Goldwater (originally Goldwasser) was born to a Jewish father, so surely that was enough to have disqualified him. Additionally, he was born in Arizona Territory, not yet a state, so you should have even more birther craziness there. But given he was known as Mr. Conservative, I'm sure all would be forgiven.

  42. Pristine_ODummy

    What the fuck is wrong with these people, Jesus Christ? Are they all just so skullfucked crazy from those eee-ooo-eee-ooo-eee munching sounds the bugs are making while eating their brains, or what? WHAT? Is there any remedy to this relentless onslaught of crazy other than getting, and staying, drunk till November 2012?

      1. Pristine_ODummy

        Sure, why not? Dia-bee-tus and hoverrounds are our fate, and we should accept them with something that passes for grace.

  43. Jukesgrrl

    And it's trickled down and multiplied among the youth. All of them seem to think they are destined to be rock stars, pro athletes, famous actors, or reality TV stars. People magazine cover, here I come (as soon as I lose 100 pounds and get a make-over).

  44. MonsterAGoGo

    Yeah, the Repubbies want to return to Roots alright. They want the chance to whip Kunta Kinte themselves.

  45. widget2011

    That is sacrilegious usage of the Beatles "Seargent Peppers Lonly Hearts Club Band" imagery. Prabably should replace John, Paul, Gerore & Ringo with, Boenher, Cantor, Kyl & Perry, all mooning us.

    1. Slim_Pickins

      My Bad, We have a winner!

      Original comment: "Mirror, mirror on the wall who's the whitest of them all?"

  46. Negropolis

    You know former Michigan congresscritter Pete Hoekstra was born in the Netherlands to Dutch parents with Dutch being his first language, but you didn't ever here shit about it.

    Hey, Marco? Polo! You courted these bastards to destroy Crist. Tough nuggets.

    BTW, is WorldNet Daily arguing that because they like him, he's not illegal?

  47. GOPCrusher

    You're assuming that he was a citizen to start with. Sheriff Joe Arpaio is forming a "cold case" investigation for Obama's real Kenyan birth certificate.

  48. Pristine_ODummy

    Isn't that just too fucking unbelievable? That waste of skin, Joe Arpaio, has the unmitigated gall to think his rinkydinky little weener of a department is capable of conducting a more exhaustive investigation into the POTUS than the CIA/FBI/NSA. I wish a giant crying eagle would fly right up to Joe Arpaio and dump a monstrous shit right on his head.

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