SHARE

The humorless testicle-phobes at the American Family Association have gotten wind of this new flavor of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream named “Schweddy Balls.” Here is their press release via Right Wing Watch, which quotes the word “balls” no fewer than 10 times, for mysterious reasons:

Ben & Jerry’s announced their newest ice cream flavor which sounds anything but appealing. Schweddy Balls is the best they could come up with. The vulgar new flavor has turned something as innocent as ice cream into something repulsive. Not exactly what you want a child asking for at the supermarket.

The name originated from a Saturday Night Live skit featuring Alec Baldwin as Pete Schweddy, owner of a holiday bakery called Season’s Eatings. “There are lots of great treats this time of year,” Schweddy says. “Zucchini bread, fruitcake, but the thing I most like to bring out at this time of the year are my balls.”

He then explains that he sells popcorn balls, cheese balls, rum balls—balls for every taste—and the ball puns proceed for about four minutes. Ben & Jerry’s chose to go with fudge-covered rum and malt balls for their flavor. The skit culminates in Baldwin stating that “No one can resist my Schweddy Balls.”

In the past, Ben & Jerry’s has released controversial ice creams, like a special edition of Chubby Hubby called Hubby Hubby last year which celebrated gay marriage. It seems that offending customers has become an annual tradition for Ben & Jerry’s.

The ice cream is being released in a limited batch, which means it will be distributed nationwide but only for three or four months. If it proves popular, another batch might be forthcoming, but we hope not.

“The name is irreverent,” says Ben & Jerry’s spokesman Sean Greenwood. “But we’ve always been about having some irreverence and having some fun … We’re not trying to offend people. Our fans get the humor.”

TAKE ACTION

Please send Ben & Jerry’s Public Relations Manager, Sean Greenwood, an email letter requesting that no additional Schweddy Balls ice cream be distributed. Also, highly recommend they refrain from producing another batch with this name or any other offensive names or you will no longer be able to purchase their products.

[Right Wing Watch via Wonkette Operative “Miranda B.”]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Barb

    They should have one that is more a sign of the times:
    The Reese's-cession

    • johnnymeatworth

      "We're having a ball in the Reese's-cession!"

  • Come here a minute

    "Mmm, your balls are salty"

  • Callyson

    Next up for AFA: boycott the NFL. *Foot*ball?!? Something sick about that name…

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Many followers of the sport agree that football sacks are always great to watch.

    • HempDogbane

      The AFA has a "Christian" Sports Talk radio show. I'm somewhat embarrassed that I know this.

  • MightySix

    A rare SNL home run of a sketch with Ana Gasteyer and Mollie Shannon as the earnest, non-threatening NPR type radio hosts of the "Delicious Dish" and Baldwin as Pete Schweddy. I'll be first in line for this stuff when it hits the stores. Suck it, AFA!

    • BarackMyWorld
    • finallyhappy

      I love that sketch! and we have been looking for Schweddy Balls. I am buying several containers when I find it

      • Pristine_ODummy

        They don't sell it at my local grocery store. :(

        • Dashboard_Jesus

          well then you'll just have to call the store owner and DEMAND some tasty Schweddy Balls…I'm sure you'll love them since they're a Teabagger's delite! (LOL, best SNL skit ever "…over at Season's Eatings we have balls for every taste…would you like to see my balls? mmmm, balls…my mouth's watering just thinking about them, they're bigger than I expected…wow, I can't wait to get my mouth around these balls")

          • Pristine_ODummy

            I'm not a teabagger.

            We're gonna keep looking for them, though. Just to be annoying.

          • Dashboard_Jesus

            uh, that was supposed to be a joke, cuz of your teabag 'halo' and all…happy hunting, hope you find some Schweddy Balls before Xmas (it's gotta be worth it just to call up each store and ask if THEY have Schweddy balls! :)

          • Pristine_ODummy

            Oh haha. You make the haha.

            There's a beer in Wales called Brains, and I'm told the local louts think it's great fun to wander into the pub and ask their publican, "D'you have any Brains?"

    • horsedreamer_1

      The long distance calling plan touted on the same episode, late '98, is a stone classic, too.

      10-10-1776-2-26-1840….

      The mnemonic for it was "America's independence, the removal of the Native Americans, Darryl Lamonica's uniform number, the number of Moody Blues albums…"

      • NorthStarSpanx

        The AFA have been teabagging the public for years by now, and they find Schweddy Balls offensive?

  • Rosie_Scenario

    Don't tell the AFA about that traditional English favorite, Spotted Dick.

    • boy_scientist

      My dear grandmother wrote a life history a few years before she passed. They were so poor, she relates, that all they had to eat was Lumpy Dick. This is poor-mans Spotted Dick and is simply flour whisked into hot water with a bit of salt.

      This story never got old.

  • SexySmurf

    After reading this story, Andrew Breitbart immediately went out and bought himself two scoops.

    • Schmannnity

      There you go again. Duck!

    • baconzgood

      I'll kill you!

      • NorthStarSpanx

        Bringing Marcus Bachmann with him?

    • DashboardBuddha

      If by scoop you mean steam shovel bucket load, then yeah.

  • SorosBot

    Now I condemn Ben and Jerry's for this too; it's just terrible, naming an ice cream Schweddy Balls over a decade after that reference was relevant.

    • flamingpdog

      Yuppies NEVAR FORGET!

    • tihond

      Perry's Berries would have been more timely.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Probably couldn't get the South Park guys to sign off on "Chef's Salty Chocolate Balls".

    • BarackMyWorld

      What about Dusty Muffins?

      • finallyhappy

        Betty White! I hope I am as wild as her in 2 years, much less in 30(when I reach her current age- if the world hasn't ended- or more likely, I just die)

      • Pristine_ODummy

        ZOMG, she's GREAT!

  • baconzgood

    True story: I heard that Ben and Jerry's was having a contest about naming a new flavor and I sent in "Balls, lick em". They sent me a nice rejection form letter, but there was a post-it attached that had written on it "HAHAHAHAHA".

    • babyeinstein

      Those dudes rule. I met them once, long ago, at a special tour of their factory in VT (long story, I know a dude who's some big time novelist who lives in VT (DON'T THEY ALL??)) and I remember one was kind of a dick and the other one nice. But I don't remember which was which.

      At any rate, they don't seem like the type of company to give a flying fuck whether One Million Maws buy their ice cream or not.

      • BerkeleyBear

        Except they don't own the company anymore, at least not a controlling interest in it. They were bought by Unilever some time ago, the same huge conglomerate that now owns Anheuser Busch (and in turn Goose Island Brewery). The fact that they've kept the spirit of the place is typical of Unilever, but the moment it seems bad for business they'll get a lot less "fun."

        • Dashboard_Jesus

          yeah, ever since I learned of their sellout to fucking Unilever- of all the corporate whores they could have chosen- I just haven't had the same appreciation for Ben & Jerry's, and it was my FAVORITE ice cream!

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      It was a stroke of genius for the AFA to suggest that the company is offending its customers.

      The primo hippie ice cream maker is offending its customers.
      The primo hippie ice cream maker that tithes to peaceful charities is offending its customers.
      The primo hippie ice cream maker who created a long-running and best-selling homage to The Grateful Dead is offending its customers.

      In the words of one of Ben and Jerry's PR flunkies, "HAHAHAHAHAHA."

  • SmutBoffin

    Boycott away, diabetic wingnuts! The life you save may be your own.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    American Family Association Freaks Out

    So they are taking their balls and going home?

  • johnnymeatworth

    Just be glad they didn't go through with the proposed "Super Colon Blow" flavor….

    • baconzgood

      Hartman win!

    • DashboardBuddha

      Ah Phil…we hardly knew ye.

  • Radiotherapy®

    What about Commie Obamie….there's nothing in the carton.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    "popcorn balls, cheese balls, rum balls—balls for every taste—and the ball puns proceed" They sure are focused on balls; just saying!

    • horsedreamer_1

      This is Good News for the British Labour Party.

  • bagofmice

    It's hard to lift your luggage when when you have Schweddy Ballls.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Schweddy Balls takes the romance out of teabagging.

  • Sue4466

    Fucknuts. The fudge-covered rum and malt balls flavor sounds kinda gross to me. And, honestly, the name is not something that makes me crave icecream (or anything really, total EW).

    But now I'm going to have to buy a carton of this stuff just because the AFA says it's bad.

    Being a godless librul is just hard some days.

    • SexySmurf

      Still sounds less gross than pistachio (seriously, who the fuck buys that nasty shit?)

      • Sue4466

        True. And I have no idea.

        Now Americone Dream? Yummy

      • BerkeleyBear

        Guilty. Used to be the only "exotic" flavor I could get my little paws on, and in a real spumoni it lends a nice textural element.

      • finallyhappy

        pistachio gelato can be excellent- not sure about mass produced ice cream

    • CommieLibunatic

      I was thinking the same thing. I'm not much of a malt ball fan, but I'll do my duty if it means stickin' it to the trolls.

    • Rotundo_

      There is just something about the AFA that when they urge a ban, I have to go out and buy whatever gets their undies in a bind that particular day. The skit had me falling out of my chair in tears the first time I saw it. What a bunch of repressed trolls.

    • DashboardBuddha

      That reminds of my days as a youth group adviser at a Catholic church. The kids would eagerly await the latest edition of Catholic Digest and plan their movie going accordingly.

      "Do you want to go see Life of Brian?"

      "What's the digest's rating?

      "Morally objectionable"

      "I'll get my jacket."

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Funny you should say that. I had the same reaction. I don't eat ice cream as a rule, don't like dairy, don't like sweet things too much, but ever since they started caterwauling about it, they've roused my curiousity.

      For the sake of gratifying my unwarranted curiousity, I am willing to pay good money to buy something I would never have thought of buying otherwise.

  • We also demand that Public Relations Manager, Sean Greenwood, change his filthy name too!

    • jus_wonderin

      I believe Sean Greenwood is what happens if you don't contact your physician when your erection has lasted more than four hours.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I can imagine calling my physician about this problem … she'd probably say something like "what do you want me to do about it?" (In a sarcastic tone, unfortunately.)

        • Pristine_ODummy

          Well … if she's really attractive and your heart does pit-a-pats for her, perhaps you could suggest the obvy.

  • Goonemeritus

    I have always loved this company, I even had a “What’s the Doughboy Afraid of” bumper sticker when they were trying to break into supermarkets 25 years ago and Pillsbury was putting the squeeze on their shelf space. I don’t think these guys see the right wing as their target consumers. I can almost hear the FUCK THEM from where I sit a whole state away.

    • BerkeleyBear

      But can you hear their British and Dutch overlords scream if the sales dip 3 percent? Bet you can, if you listen hard enough.

      But yeah, I don't think that the AFA mouthbreathers grabbing the ice milk corn syrup product in 5 gallon buckets are their target audience, so they can get away with it.

  • mavenmaven

    Quick, have Michelle Obama single out this ice cream as a cause of obesity, and it will fly off the red state shelves faster than pornography and pistols.

  • Radiotherapy®

    The AFA is right, it's very important to protect our scrotal honor and integrity. Just ask any teabagger.

  • I bet Bryan Fischer is secretly dying to try Schweddy Balls topped off with some Santorum Jelly. Delish!

  • flamingpdog

    Isn't asking AFA Teatards to boycott Ben & Jerry's like asking vegans to boycott Tyson's?

    • BerkeleyBear

      Nah, Ben & Jerry's is expensive shit. You can get at least one gallon of generic high fructose corn syrup crap (with crappy no name candy mix-ins if you want) for the price of a Ben & Jerry's pint. If B&J was still trying to run a huge collection of scoop shops it might matter more, but those are a lot rarer these days..

      Now, if the AFA told them to boycott DQ, the moaning and lamentations would be loud (maybe even louder than moaning casued by the stomach cramps eating too much stuff from DQ will give you, but maybe not).

      • DahBoner

        Yeah, I bet B&J's don't give you a heavy metal hawk, like Dairy Queen does…

      • Pristine_ODummy

        Isn't that pdog's point? Vegans don't buy Tyson's anyway, so it's not like their boycott has any likelihood of affecting actual sales. Teatardturds don't buy B&J's, et cetera. Where is this DQ stuff found? I have never encountered it in the wild.

  • Moonbatting Average

    For your consideration…

    Young boy: "Would you like to lick my Schweddy Balls?"

    Other young boy: *instantly turns gay*

    I'm pretty sure that's how these things work

    • jus_wonderin

      Other young boy: *instantly turns gay*

      I get this vision of ILM producing the special FX.

      • Rotundo_

        Or DIsney doing a stage production like "The Lion King" where a bunch of bronzed "Gods" pick the little moppet up and hold him up to the golden streams of light filtering down while still more bronzed "Gods" go careening around them in carefully choreographed splendor while the orchestra fires up and …..

        Well you get the picture, and it probably would be a helluva show, so long as they don't go Spiderman on it and get somebody hurt…

      • Pristine_ODummy

        Ping! And instantly, the world is transfused with shades of pink, while glitter cascades down on the OYB's little gay head.

  • LettucePrey

    Jimmy has 35 tubs of ice cream. He eats 28. What does Jimmy have?

    Diabetes. Jimmy has diabetes.

  • Radiotherapy®

    I had Blue Balls once.

    • RedneckMuslin

      They'll do that if you teabag ice cream.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I don't see what's so offensive. "Sweaty Balls" or "Itchy Sphincter" or "Suppurating Chancre" or something like that, maybe so.
    All I can say to you, AFA, is "Rick Moranis."

  • baconzgood

    fudge-covered rum balls.

    Marcus Bachmann approved.

  • AlterNewt

    "Not exactly what you want a child asking for at the supermarket."

    Nosirree. "Now come on, mama's out of gummy bears."

    • Supermarket's are dens of iniquitous depravity. The other day I saw a mother purchasing a zucchini of enormous girth, at least 14 inches long, with her children in tow, in broad daylight. I walked right over and made a point of telling her what a poor moral example she was setting, and then I asked if she would let me fuck her.

      • AlterNewt

        That was you? Because that was my sister.

        • AlterNewt

          She says "call me" .

  • Badonkadonkette

    I think what AFA is trying to say is that Ben & Jerry's are shoving their Schweddy Balls down our throats.

  • baconzgood

    Baconz on

    Tee-Hee
    " "
    Overload.

    • AlterNewt

      Kind of a "Tee-Hee" news day, isn't it?

  • eastcoastelite

    I had no idea that flavors had the capability to be vulgar.

    • baconzgood

      Aparently you've never had Cunt Shit Dick Spooge Pound Cake.

      • Dr_Zoidberg

        It tastes like chicken.

        • baconzgood

          It's made by Betty Cocker. YAGETIT YAGETIT.

  • LettucePrey

    Good job, wingnuts. Protesting an ice cream flavor with a fucking lame petition to your illiterate disciples is a GUARANTEE that I am going to buy a few pints of Ben & Jerry's next time I go shopping. Grow a brain, morans.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh for fuck's sake. Suck it, AFA. And by "suck it," I mean this.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    You know, I wish I had the kind of spare time these yahoos have to sit around and worry about nonsense.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I bet these dumbfucks are very suspicious of Smucker's jams, but they just can't quite put their finger on what it is that bugs them.

  • metamarcisf

    Dog Vomit. Monkey Puss. With a name like this, it has to be good.

    • CapeClod

      Mangled Baby Ducks.

      • metamarcisf

        Belushi: "10,000 nuns and orphans"

        Curtin: "What's so bad about that?"

        Belushi: "They were all eaten by rats!"

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Frozen Essence of Carbuncle.

    • Steverino247

      With a name like "Ten Thousand Dead Nuns and Orphans" it has to be good.

      • metamarcisf

        Yessir, that's mighty good jam!

    • OzoneTom

      No love for "Fluckers" or "Painful Rectal Itch"?

      • Boehneriffic

        The ghost of Michael O'Donoghue is smiling big time right now.

        • metamarcisf

          What would Ed Sullivan sound like if red hot needles were plunged into his eyes?

          • Lionel[redacted]Esq

            I always love "The Little Engine that Died." One of the all time great comic writers:
            http://snltranscripts.jt.org/76/76imrmike.phtml

          • metamarcisf

            Great. Thanks!

          • Boehneriffic

            Mr. O'Donoghue was a huge influence on my sense of humor. From his National Lampoon days (magazine and radio hour), SNL and beyond. It explains why I am such a sick bastard. But funny, so I like to think.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I think I've only ever seen Ben and Jerry's in pints. Like those fat AFA fucks would ever buy anything less than a half-gallon or a 55-gallon drum of ice cream. Definitely an empty threat here.

    • CapeClod

      Nor are they ever going to spend anything more that $2.00 for a half gallon of something that tastes like freezer frost.

    • GhostBuggy

      Or those gallon (?) buckets – actual buckets! – of ice cream at the end of the freezer aisle with an inch-thick layer of frost on them, with names like VANILLA and CHOCOLATE.

    • finallyhappy

      Correct- only pints at the grocery store. Not sure if the scoop shop can give you any larger containers but given the scoop shop prices, no AFAer is even buying a scoop, much less a pint there.

  • DaRooster

    "Good times…"
    "Mmm Hmm… Good times"

  • Lucidamente1

    God help us when they find out about Chef's chocolate salty balls.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Say everybody have you seen my balls
      They are big and salty and brown
      If you ever need a quick pick me up
      Just stick my balls in your mouth

  • AutomaticPilot

    Oh yes, by all means, send Ben & Jerry's an "email letter," whatever that is…

  • babyeinstein

    Oh suck my balls AFA. Those shrieking pearl-clutchers at One Million Moms boycott over shit like an ad featuring "a male rebelling against officers and authority in a riot." I'm not making that up.
    http://www.onemillionmoms.com/IssueDetail.asp?id=

    • elviouslyqueer

      Evidently the "OMM" missed this little part about Jesus getting a mite bit feisty in the temple and doing a bit of rebelling against authority his own damn self:

      John 2: 13-19

      When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. In the temple courts he found people selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. To those who sold doves he said, “Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father’s house into a market!” His disciples remembered that it is written: “Zeal for your house will consume me.”

      The Jews then responded to him, “What sign can you show us to prove your authority to do all this?”

      Jesus answered them, “Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in three days.”

      • Silly! That part was written before Jesus turned into the Invisible Hand.

    • GhostBuggy

      That's great, especially the demand that Levi make an ad that's less confusing. Somewhere out there, a million moms sit befuddled by jean commercials.

      • Pristine_ODummy

        Proving once again that they have way too much time on their hands and way too few brains to utilize said time well.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      In all fairness (much as I hate being fair to these repressed oppressors, they were concerned about the images of lightly clad women more than of a riotous young male.

      OTOH, they are waxing wroth because it offends their Christian morals — something that, apparently, their multiply-married-and-divorced legislators fail to do. Their complete lack of reason or logic, combined with their hypocrisy and nannyism leads me to believe you are justified in asking them to apply their pieholes to the far more constructive task of sucking your balls.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    "Dad, what does Schweddy Balls taste like?"

    "Ask your Mother, son, ask your mother."

  • If they object to innuendo in food name, I assume they are preparing press releases objecting to:
    -wieners
    -breasts
    -melon balls
    -succotash
    -rump roast
    -asparagus
    -fruit
    -texas toast
    -twinkies
    -chik-fellate

    • Tundra Grifter

      Bone-in ham.

      And, of course, the classic dark meat.

      ["Texas toast?"]

    • Tundra Grifter

      Edith Bunker had about a five-minute riff on this, starting with "chicken breast."

      Let's go back to Victorian times, when table legs had little cloth skirts.

      • Pristine_ODummy

        They were NOT called "legs," they were "limbs!" Honestly. Such shocking language. And I do believe there are *ladies,* well-brought-up young ladies of the most exquisite sensibility and tender sentiment, perusing these very pages.

        • Tundra Grifter

          And those ladies don't perspire (let alone sweat – even in the throes of the dirty deed) – they glow.

          • Pristine_ODummy

            Well-brought-up young ladies do not engage, sir, in dirty deeds. Although they have been known on occasion, as required, to close their eyes and think of God and country.

    • DahBoner

      Don't forget Funbags, Moo moos and of course, Chesticles…

    • Pristine_ODummy

      You forgot the melon *ballers*!

      Srsly, some hicks were recently arrested for trying to copulate with melons in some farmer's field. (Not that that's what a melon baller is, but where did they get the idea that someone should stick their dick in a fucking melon?)

  • SheriffRoscoe

    The AFA simply does not care for the invisible hand of the free market scooping up mouthfulls of schweddy balls.

  • CapeClod

    And they will releasing a companion flavor, "Oily Taint."

    • BaldarTFlagass

      On tap for next year: Mungy Bunghole.

  • I was more offended when 21 Flavors came out with Black Liquorice and Dill Pickle ice cream.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm just waiting for the AFA's boycott of meat, when they find out that meat is also a double entendre.

    • AlterNewt

      They probably think a double entendre is a second helping.

    • Chichikovovich

      Ya say the meat is double tender? Whoopee! Just the way I like it.

  • DaRooster

    "I am so sick of people doing things that I don't like. But… instead of just going on my merry way and letting everyone decide what they like… I will protest and throw a fit and cry until the whole world sees what a good person I am."

    Shut up!

  • Tundra Grifter

    I hope they never visit Hoover Dam and hear the Park Ranger tell all those dam jokes.

    Your eight- and ten-year old kids will ride that one for a month afterwards.

    • DashboardBuddha

      Frankly my dear, I don't give a reservoir.

  • So, by this logic American pastime of Football is probably nothing but some sort of horrible foot fetish thing?

  • The flavor I would object to — if B&Js made it — is "Perry's Policies". I don't think I could stomach it.

    • dekkoparsnip2

      To be fair, it would taste like lube and used chewing tobacco, so I don't think the name would be the issue.

    • DashboardBuddha

      i bet that flavor would be made with Real Orphan Tears.

  • RedneckMuslin

    "Also, highly recommend they refrain from producing another batch with this name or any other offensive names or you will no longer be able to purchase their products".

    Like any of these religious fucks would buy anything from these hippy atheists.

    • hagajim

      Hell – the hippie aetheists sold out to Unilever a few years back.

      • Chichikovovich

        Unilever – that's one o' them your-a-peein' outfits innit?

  • metamarcisf

    The e-mail letter I sent through the OMM site was a slightly edited version of their template, but effective, nonetheless.

    • mumbly_joe

      Oh no, metamarc! You're in the positives now! This is a sad day for wingnut-baiters everywhere.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You know, to celebrate the AFA thinking about how badly our children will be corrupted by the name of a pint of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream, I say we chip in and give them a pearl necklace.

    • Beowoof

      They would love it but would swallow the evidence

  • Radiotherapy®

    They should boycott any italian restaurant serving Pasta Fagioli.

  • DaRooster

    "Our fans get the humor.”

    There ya go.

  • These AFA perps need to get their heads back in the gutter. WHere were they when my tender young brain was being warped by such nasty commercials asking "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Blow-Pop®, Tootsie?"

    • Radiotherapy®

      Mos Def.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "I'd love to be an Oscar Mayer weiner" always sounded a bit creepy to me.

  • LesBontemps

    It seems that offending customers has become an annual tradition for Ben & Jerry’s

    By, uh, giving their customers what they want to buy? Why does AFA hate capitalism (and Capitalist Jebus, I guess)?

    • finallyhappy

      I am only offended by the cost of a scoop at the B&J scoop shop and also when they don't have coffee,coffee, buzz, buzz, buzz(my favorite flavor- not found in pint containers!).

  • MissTaken

    This is shameful. There are few things I enjoy more than licking an ice cream cone round and round with my tongue while it slowly drips down my mouth. To associate this pleasurable experience with balls is just vulgar.

    • SorosBot

      Um, I think I need to go clean my pants now.

    • Steverino247

      And now you know why I follow you.

      From a respectful distance, of course.

      • MissTaken

        Ah shucks, you're gonna make me blush!

    • Pristine_ODummy

      I am very excited by this practice, please show me more.

  • teebob2000

    My version of the online form letter from the nutcases at onemillionmoms.com:

    Dear Mr. Greenwood:

    I am greatly entertained by Ben & Jerry's decision to use what some WITH NO SENSE OF HUMOR WHATSOEVER MIGHT CONSIDER TO BE tasteless names for your flavors of ice cream.

    I am requesting that all of the Schweddy Balls ice cream you can make be distributed. Also, I highly recommend you continue by producing another batch with this name or any other offensive names of your choosing, or I will no longer be able to purchase products from Ben & Jerry's.

    I look forward to hearing from you regarding my concern.

    Keep up the fight, guys!!!

  • Billmatic

    Gays, fats, and Arec Bawr'win are ruining this country.

  • hagajim

    I'm not certain how TruckNutz got passed over.

  • Beowoof

    Something tells me that many AFA members taste this particular flavor on a regular basis and are now trying to cover for their love of sweaty balls.

  • baconzgood

    "has released controversial ice creams" 5 words that I never thought I'd see strung together.

    • finallyhappy

      I thought wasabi ice cream was controversial- but I just didn't eat it

  • DashboardBuddha

    If you find yourself bitching about an ice cream flavor your relatives should make sure there's an adequate crafts program at the home.

  • How many children really ask their parents for Ben & Jerrys? My parents were way to cheap for that shit.
    Everyone knows the only people who buy B&J are menstruating or emotionally distraught women. And lets be honest those ladies need all the balls they can get.

    • finallyhappy

      My daughter used to ask for Phish Food.

      • Rotundo_

        Mine is downright dangerous around the stuff. Keep your hands away from the carton during feeding time. The apple don't fall too far from the tree…

  • Dumbedup

    Hmmm…Bachman Brittle (completely nuts), Pecan Perry (secretly gay…something). I'll leave it to the hippies in Waterbury, this is harder than it looks.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      DinglePerry — made with lots and lots of little blueberries.

  • savethispatient

    Dear Ben & Jerry's, please publish all correspondence you receive from these loons, in all its ungrammatical glory.

  • Tundra Grifter

    At their next convention, they probably aren't going to be playing any tunes by Jelly Roll Morton.

  • Redhead

    For a group whose leaders are so obsessed with (underage) men parts and sticking in them in mouths and other holes, this group seems AWFULLY scared of ice cream named after balls.

    Is it because they think teh ghey secks is supposed to taste like shame and tears, and not chocolatey goodness?

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Next thing you know they're going to boycott AC/DC!

  • bureaucrap

    All of these AFA-types should get in their Trucknutz-equipped pickups and drive up to Vermont to tell the world that they're never going to buy another B/J again.

  • Gleem_McShineys

    This is quite a serious matter. Think of the harm to the innocent children!

    Those children will receive terrible beatings when they ask for Schweddy Balls and their AFA fathers clobber them sensless, screaming "THAT IS OUR LITTLE SECRET!"

    You can understand the concern.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Schweddy Balls, the Choice of Teabaggers everywhere

  • BarackMyWorld

    The AFA can lick my balls, Schweddy or not.

  • Tommmcattt

    Oooh, all four members of the American Family Association are going to boycott Ben and Jerry's. Terrifying!

  • fletc3her

    They're just mad because this is going to sell so well around congress.

  • jus_wonderin

    Does the AFA ever Girlcott anything? Me thinks the AFA has a preference for boys.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    With luck, amusement at this bit of wingnut lunacy will go viral, and the AFA will have provided B&J with thirty million dollars worth of publicity for Schweddy Balls ice cream.

    I know I'm going to be looking for it now!

  • mumbly_joe

    I dunno, I think it's a dated reference, but I'm hardly offended by the name, and considerably less so by Hubby Hubby, which was celebrating a tremendous incremental step along the arc of justice for this country.

    Of course, I just read an entire AFA press release without vomiting once, so I clearly have an extremely high threshold when it comes to offensive things.

  • ttommyunger

    Once again, a mighty swing-and a miss! Do these closeted morons at AFA ever cease majoring on the minors? What next, a boycott of weiners, clams, kilbasa, nuts, people named Dick and tacos?

    • elfgoldsackring

      But only fish ones.

  • DashboardBuddha

    "It seems that offending customers has become an annual tradition for Ben & Jerry’s "

    Whereas offending rational people is a daily tradition for fucksticks like you.

  • fletc3her

    I think the tea baggers will mostly be mad that it doesn't take like actual balls, and they would know.

  • elfgoldsackring

    Teabaggers who don't crave the taste of sweaty balls? Bish, please. Guess Moses wasn't the only basket case in de Nile (to put it in terms of a Bahbul story for ya.)

  • DahBoner

    Also, highly recommend they refrain from producing another batch with this name or any other offensive names or you will no longer be able to purchase their products.

    You know what the world's most popular ice cream flavor is?

    Plain ole' Vanilla.

    As a White Person, I find this flavor name offensive and racist…

  • Moms just need to tell their children to be aware the next time they drive themselves to the grocery store for ice cream…

    It would be most advised to start a healthy ice cream conversation about 'Right Wing Schwing' the better flavor. After all, Right Wing Schwing includes rainbow gummy bears, blue diapers, lilywhite twinks and caramel double standards richly enveloped in a tasty Puritanical ribbon of batshit!

  • How about a flavor called, "Santorum"?

  • Take action. Suck my shweddy balls.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Nothing like a group of moralists who rationalize scientific ignorance for Jesus.

  • Buzz Feedback

    Come on. Everybody at AFA knows balls belong in your mouth.

  • MMathS

    Welp, if I wasn't going to buy this overpriced poison before, I sure as hell am going to now.

    Ben & Jerry's should send the American Fuckwad Association a big thank you card.

  • notreelyhelping

    Honestly, these people have such filthy minds that they're an embarassment to people with filthy minds.

  • Polythene_Pam

    Oh, I like shopping with companies that honor tradition!

  • Neoyorquino

    If you still have a carton of Hubby Hubby in the freezer, you can mix a few scoops in with this flavor and enjoy the taste of your Hubby's Schweddy Balls (fusion cuisine?).

  • Badtux

    I want some salty nuts with my schweddy balls.

  • MiniMencken

    And don't let the AFA know the French have been munching on "pets de nonne" for centuries. (For you non-Francophone dogless liberals, the recipe is at: http://www.europeancuisines.com/France-Pets-De-So

  • Troglodeity

    "What should YOU do with Schweddy Balls? Put 'em in your freezer at home!"

    You're welcome, Ben & Jerry's.

Previous articleBachmann Vows To Save Successful Gov’t-Funded Factory From Itself
Next articleSurvey: 20% of Americans Believe God Won’t Run America While Gov’t Exists