SHARE

Next up, a run for governor, hear hear!Massachusetts has discovered a new place to try to hunt down its wanted criminals: the Rhode Island state legislature! It seems kind of obvious in retrospect, only because the Ocean State is kind of a sad, drug-addled dump from what we hear. Rep. Daniel Gordon Jr. was arrested in Rhode Island for failing to appear in Massachusetts court on charges of evading a police officer, although technically the fun part of this story is that the Rhode Island State Police also discovered in the process that the freshman Republican lawmaker has been in jail on and off in Massachusetts for the last two decades on a dizzying array of assault, attempted murder and drug charges. Normally this might not be a necessarily bad thing for a lawmaker, because being a violent asshole is a kind of fast-track qualification for political success. But instead, this is all super bad for Gordon, because he is coincidentally also the kind of asshole who is constantly harassing everyone on the Internet, which is unforgivable.

From a newspaper staff editorial in The Herald News:

In office for just nine months, Gordon has gotten attention for all the wrong reasons. His first high-profile faux pas came when he suggested that he would attempt to cut funding to Tiverton High School because the school had a Gay-Straight Alliance that he called a “sexual meet-up” group. As a candidate and as a sitting Republican representative, Gordon has come to be known as a “cyberbully,” personally attacking and harassing political opponents and other “targets” — even from his own party — on Internet forums and social media sites.

The problem has gotten so out of hand that Gordon was recently kicked out of the Rhode Island House of Representatives’ tiny Republican caucus after failing to comply with the leadership’s directive to stop publicly attacking fellow members. If Gordon had any allies in the House, he seems to have lost them now, along with his status as a Republican in good-standing and access to the minority office staff and resources.

EVEN MORE HILARIOUS than all of this, the years of arrests and the fact that everybody hates him for being a terrible dildo, is the fact that he was arrested after he went to the police department to file an allegation against “cyber-stalkers,”  to complain that “people were saying things about him on blogs.” [Providence Journal/ The Herald News]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Respitetini

    Went to complain about stuff being done to him that he'd been doing to others for years… Did he write the GOP playbook, or has he just taken it to its logical conclusion?

  • Steverino247

    Thank God he's not wearing diapers with hookers or he'd be a Senator!

    • OKthennext

      David Vitter 2016!!!1!

  • WhatTheHolyHeck

    Countdown until FoxNews IDs him as a dem.

  • Barb

    "cut funding to Tiverton High School because the school had a Gay-Straight Alliance that he called a “sexual meet-up” group."

    The other "sexual meet-up group?" Prison!

    • V572 T-Blow

      "Welcome to the shower room, Daniel. I'd like you to meet Luther. Oh look — Luther dropped the soap! Could you pick it up for him, Daniel?"

    • Lascauxcaveman

      The other "sexual meet-up group?" Prison!

      But he can't cut funding to those, since they're mostly privatized these days. Also, he'll be a guest there soon enough.

    • DaSandman

      Yo Congressman, you wanna be the husband or the wife? The husband huh? Then crawl over here and suck your wife's dick.

      • Negropolis

        ROTFLMAO!

    • horsedreamer_1

      I read that as 'Poison' and thought to ask you how it was riding the Rockett.

    • Callyson

      Seriously–high school itself is a "sexual meet-up group"…

      • WriteyWriterton

        If only…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Rhode Island's next US Congressman?

    • I think you mean: our next President?

    • thebeatgoeson

      Actually, our congress critters from RI have traditionally been pretty awesome from both sides of the aisle – John Chafee, Claiborne Pell, Lincoln Chafee, Patrick Kennedy, Sheldon Whitehouse, Jack Reed…Not bad for a "sad, drug-addled dump" of a state.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Is he the rep from Pawtucket?

        • LesBontemps

          As in, "There once was a rep from Pawtucket"?

    • thebeatgoeson

      State and Local RI politicians are a different matter entirely – witness Buddy Cianci (mayor) and Ed DiPrete (governor) who both did time.

      • DetectiveGrey

        The thing about corrupt RI politicians is that they get more done than the non-corrupt politicians because they have such a tight, controlling grip on the ordinarily bureaucratic system.

        Take Cianci, for example. He's such a local celebrity here, he's got his own ice cream flavor. He spearheaded the efforts to make Providence into the 'Renaissance City'. During his time as mayor, in between embezzling millions of dollars he was engaging in road reconstruction projects, city beautification projects, and the construction of a huge, successful economic complex in the midst of our barely-breaking-even economy. After serving time as a convicted criminal, he became a successful radio and news commentator.

        And yes, we'd vote for him again. And we'd also probably vote him into Pat Kennedy's seat, too.

        • Jukesgrrl

          It's called the Chicago Model.

          • Pristine_ODummy

            I wonder how come nobody makes those sneering remarks about RI that they do about Chicago?

          • mumbly_joe

            For that matter, it's also the DC model, according to my tour guide friend. Every experiment in home rule has either ended in infamy or obscurity. For example, it was one of the infamous ones who finally decided that DC should probably have paved roads and streetlights.

    • Negropolis

      Only if he switches parties; only if he switches parties, my friend. They'll forgive you for being a career criminal, but they ain't gonna' forgive you for being a Republican. And, really, isn't that the way it should be?

  • smitallica

    He'll be fighting this on the grounds that the arresting officer in the Rhode Island State Police was suffering from advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage.

    • jodyleek

      Was the officer going to ram it home, or was he going to lube it up and ease it in there, inch by inch, like a gentleman?

    • Beowoof

      The nations finest law enforcement agency, even with a milk mustach.

      • The RI State Police won an award a few years back for their uniforms: they look like Dudley Do-right on Levitra. Flat-brimmed hats, bandalero leather strap, jodhpurs, boots….

        Kinda like that Rick Perry porn shot, now that I think about it.

    • It's a miracle that cow survived.

  • The Indiana and Ohio Republican state legislators have nothing compared to Daniel Gordon. He is way ahead in the crazy asshole sweepstakes.

  • PuckStopsHere

    I think he's going to learn a bit about those "sexual meet-up groups" when he's in the slammer.

    • YasserArraFeck

      I think he's going to learn a bit about those "sexual meet-up meat up groups" when he's in the slammer.

      • RedneckMuslin

        And learn why they call it the slammer.

  • Come here a minute

    Naturally the GSA is a sex meetup — straight Republican men are always winding up having sex with gay men. Such bad luck!

    • Pristine_ODummy

      They're experts in what Dan Savage calls "The 'HTH?'" You know, How'd THAT Happen? Usually said by straight Republican men upon being discovered with some other man's schlong someplace it ain't supposed to be. Like their piehole.

  • memzilla

    What a symphony of fail is Gordon. The only thing left to discover is how much he spends on rent boyz.

    • jus_wonderin

      This might be a case were rent boyz pay him to stay away from them.

  • Weenus299

    And now Ollie Williams, with the Black-U-Weather forecast. …

  • Texan_Bulldog

    A "sexual meet up group"? He probably didn't want any of the kids to ID him. He's got rentboy.com written all over him.

  • Terry

    "The problem has gotten so out of hand that Gordon was recently kicked out of the Rhode Island House of Representatives’ tiny Republican caucus after failing to comply with the leadership’s directive to stop publicly attacking fellow members. "

    Good Lord, do you realize how bad this guy really must be if the Republicans kick him out? In Rhode Island, no less, a state with a long, time honored tradition of political corruption.

    I think that this is just R.I.'s way of showing upstart states that they need to respect their corruption elders.

    • In the colonial period, Rhode Island was nicknamed "Rogue Island" because of the riff-raffiness of the populace.

  • Tyrant

    Busy boy he is.

    "Gordon, 42, of Portsmouth, served four months in jail after being convicted of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon in 1999, records reveal. He was back in 2003 for a one-month stay on another assault and battery charge and again in 2004 after being charged with attempted murder, the sheriff's office said. That year he was also held on an outstanding warrant for a “larceny of a motor vehicle” charge issued by police in Falmouth, Mass.

    Gordon has been charg 18 times since 1993, according to criminal records from the Mass. Office of Public Safety and Security. He was charged six times with assault and battery, twice with a gun and once with a pool cue. Gordon was charged with possession of marijuana in 1996 and convicted of operating under the influence in 1993."

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I'm sure he figures it's alright, since he's only assaulting Massholes. Probably what got him elected in the first place.

    • powersuit

      42? The guy looks like he's about 55. Apparently denial is hell on the complexion!

    • freakishlywrong

      Hmmm.."Pool Cue" you say…

    • So he's a stoner. That makes him okay in my book.

      • PsycWench

        He shoulda smoked more, then he'd have committed fewer assaults. Unless assaults on Chee-toes count now.

        • Maybe somebody tried to snake his weed. That always pisses me off too.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Yeah, but where are the convictions?

      • LesBontemps

        Oh, I think it's clear he's a man of few convictions.

    • Crank_Tango

      "Youthful Indiscretions." Boys will be boys and all that. IOKIYAR.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Henry Hyde 'n' go seek.

      • Negropolis

        Ah, yes. Those were the days. You know, just teens being teens. You know, like when we all used to pistol-whip old ladies for their purses and such as?

    • NYNYNYjr

      This guy is funny and all– but what this says to me is HUGE google fail by his opponent in the race and huge fail by the local media (unless they sat on this stuff on purpose). Finding out this shit is not my job, cause I don't live in flipping RoadzIsland- but it's SOMEBODY'S job.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      This guy's WAY better than your average corrupt politician, who manages a jail stay only if he's outstanding. Upstanding. Whatever.

      He's been charged 18 times in 18 years. So, what, once a year he picks up a pool cue and tries to kill someone?

  • NorthStarSpanx

    A cyberbully Rogue Republican so awful that even Sarah Palin is taking notes.

    • baconzgood

      TWAT LIBEL!!!!!!

      • Redhead

        Cyberbullying twat libel!

    • SorosBot

      And now that Levi Johnson's book has replaced "Who Has What: All About Girls' Bodies and Boys' Bodies" in the sidebar, the book advertised in the sidebar has effectively remained the same.

      • Having established prior snark, I am suing you for the p on this comment plus damages!

  • Sue4466

    Demonizing gays is getting attention for all the wrong reasons? Maybe in socialist Rhode Island, but in the rest of the country he'd be a serious candidate for the GOP nomination.

    • DustBowlBlues

      He should move to OK and "primary" (I assume he's a teabagger) the guv, Mattress mother-of-the-slut-bride Mary Failin.

  • AlterNewt

    No news here.

  • Fugitive From Justice out of Massachusetts for Failure to Appear on an eluding charge and other motor vehicle violations.

    Dumb courts. Why do they expect someone to show up if he already got away from the cops once?

  • LouBristol

    What part of "compassionate conservatism" do you people not get?

    • freakishlywrong

      Umm..all of them, LouBristol?

  • littlebigdaddy

    Well, they have Adam West as a mayor and that guy's fucking crazy.

    • Respitetini

      Nicely done.

      • DustBowlBlues

        I get the feeling the in-crowd knows some RI jokes that I'm don't get.

        Or I'm just old. There's that, too.

        • SorosBot

          I think it's a reference to that horrible unfunny cartoon on Fox. Not the Simpsons; this is the one that's always been a pile of shit, not the one that was once great but has turned bad.

          • mumbly_joe

            It's like the Simpsons, but with the things that makes the Simpsons fun to watch replaced with cultural references, which are "like humor", the same way puns are.

            (Seriously, like take the protagonist: Homer Simpson is sympathetic because he's an oafish, dimwitted, lazy but well-intentioned everyman, but not the selfish, malicious miscreant who heads the household in each of those other interchangable cartoons that Seth Macfarline makes. But! Cultural references and brick jokes! So it's funny!)

          • Sue4466

            Not to mention the killing anything that is even mildly funny by running it completely and utterly into the ground (ala SNL).

            We are talking American Family Dad Guy, right?

          • mumbly_joe

            That's the three. The American Family Dad Guy Show (ft. Cleveland)

          • SorosBot

            There are three shows, and yet there is only one show, they are somehow each the same; it is a mystery, like the Trinity.

          • Sue4466

            Swap a dog for an alien and you got a whole new show!

          • mumbly_joe

            Which part of the Holy Trinity was exactly like the other two, except that He was a black guy?

          • HELisforHEL

            I think it's the endless meanspiritedness, too–The Simpsons can be cutting and outrageous but at the heart of the show is a sweet gooey center, and I mean that as a compliment.
            Those flat-paint-styled, mailed-in Korean exercises in lazy animation (only The Simpsons can get away with it IMHO) with the endless mean/cruel/crude "jokes' that apparently a 12 year old writes truly do suck it.

    • fuflans

      i thought at first it was a batman reference and now i want somebody to find that gif again.

    • Negropolis

      Maybe it's an age thing, and maybe just the changing of the times, but I was a huge Simpsons fan, but I think the show got tired; maybe even ran it's course. Watching the older episodes (the better ones) seems so incredibly quaint and edgeless, despite causing an uproar when they first came out. Listening to Bart cuss, now, makes you want to say "aw, bless his heart." compared to the stuff they can get away with on Family Guy.

      I love Family Guy. Always have. I'm not even sure if it's even comparable to the Simpsons because outside of being two animated shows, the gags and devices used to tell the story are so different. Family Guy is like a joke machine gun hitting you with gag after gag after gag, and the Simpsons actually told a story every single episode (at least for much of its existence) with gags mixed in.

  • baconzgood

    I've said it before and I'll say it again. Providence R.I RULZ!!!!!!

    • I have visited. It is a really nice little city IMO. They call it "the New Orleans of the north"

      • baconzgood

        I've been there about half a dozen times. Really cool city. Good music scene. Laid back vibe.

        • And on weekends they have those fires on barges in the river. Really cool.

      • Jukesgrrl

        Just don't try to drive there.

    • I spent thirty-something years in and near Providence. I love the place. I'd say it's the New Jersey of New England. In a good way.

  • BUT OBAMMUR SAID THERE WERE 59 STATES!!!11!!! BARNEY FRANK, ALSO.

    • LetUsBray

      AND BIDEN SEZ DUMB STUFF SOMETIMES!!!!1!!1!!!111!!

    • freakishlywrong

      CLASS WARFEAR!!11 FANNIE FREDDIE FAGS!!11

      • CORPSE-MAN!!1!! CORPSE-MAN!!1!!

      • Jukesgrrl

        In this case, I think it's ASS warfare.

    • El Pinche

      AND HE WAS IN CHURCH WITH REVEREND WRIGHT FOR 50 YEARS !!! *GRRGGL* … SORRY I WAS DROWNING IN MY OWN SPITTLE.

  • bureaucrap

    It's a cliche to say "Politics is the last refuge of a scoundrel", but I'll say it anyways.

    • proudgrampa

      That's actually a fine cliche.

    • Geminisunmars

      And here's another: You know what other scoundrel took refuge in politics?

  • LesBontemps

    "Republican state legislator arrested." Yep, it's Tuesday.

  • hagajim

    Why isn't this guy Speaker of the House? He's certainly got the asshole part down pat.

    • Barrelhse

      Nixon had to see "Deep Throat" three times before he could get it down Pat.

  • DustBowlBlues

    "Rhode Island House of Representatives’ tiny Republican caucus"

    I thought everything was tiny in Rhode Island. Is there something particularly unusual about the Republitard caucus? Do they all speak with teeny-tiney munchkin voices or something?

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      Classic behavior to compensate for their tiny caucus.

    • freakishlywrong

      ♪ They represent the asshole guild ♫

    • PuckStopsHere

      "And on behalf of the Lollipop Guild….we'd like to welcome you to Munchkinland." ('Merka runs on Munchkin.)

    • Barrelhse

      It's a misquote. The original statement was : "tiny Republican cocks."

    • Sue4466

      We represent the Teabagger Guild, the Teabagger Guild, the Teabagger Guild
      And in the name of the Teabagger Guild, we wish you to get the fuck out of Munchkinland!

  • Goonemeritus

    What a tool, No self respecting RI criminal goes to the police to protect themselves from bloggers. You higher someone to go squeeze a face or two after all the old ways are still the best ways.

    • PuckStopsHere

      I'm squeezing your head. That works, too.

      • Pristine_ODummy

        Depends on which head.

  • SorosBot

    A Rhode Island politician being a criminal should be no surprise; after all, the state is a fully owned subsidiary of the mafia a legitimate business owned by patriotic Italian-Americans.

    • Goonemeritus

      A small price to pay to be able to get a nice plate of Braciola in almost any restaurant in Providence.

      • There are also a hundred thousand Italian nanas who can hold their own in the braciole department.

    • Chichikovovich

      But the streets are quite safe, because there's nothing like Big-time Crime for keeping a lid on small-time crime.

      • Negropolis

        That, and the state is basically a single, legitimate city (sorry Newport) with a giant hinterland. Not much competition.

  • baconzgood

    "he was arrested after he went to the police department to file a complaint against cyber-stalkers"

    This remindes me of a story. Several of my cousins are cops and one once told me of a man that came into his station with a bag of Similac asking the cops to arrest the guy that sold it to him because it was supposed to be cocaine.

    • DaRooster

      Or the guy here (Nor-Cal) that called the cops that someone stole his weed from his backyard… before we all had "cards"…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Roger Williams would be so proud!!!

  • freakishlywrong

    Thin skinned, these wingnuts. Brietfart wants to shoot liburls for calling him gay and this asshole complains about mean things on blogs. I hope hes reading this one, turdtard.

    • baconzgood

      It's out of Rove's play book. When your called a name freak out and cry about how mean the other side is, and when you're called out about saying the other guy is a murdering commie worse than Stalin laugh and say how they're little babies that can't take criticism. He did it in Tex-ass.

      • Jukesgrrl

        And don't forget to follow up the complaining with a brochure saying your opponent fathered a brown child.

  • ThankYouJeebus

    As Molly Ivins once said about the Texas Legislature, half are under average and the other half are under indictment. This guy's a double winnah!

  • henrypuppyhead

    I wonder if the cops are after him because he tweeted Breitbart is gay?

  • Also see: Cheney, Dick.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Oh, shit. MSNBC just paused for a split second to say an oil rig in OK had exploded. Oh, well. It's not like I'm going to leave my wonket and go find some number on the remote control that gives me OK news. It's more depressing than national news, though not quite in the category of sad that is international news because neither Burma nor North Korea lives here.

    • Oblios_Cap

      No one was hurt, according to what I've read.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Well, at least no pelicans or dolphins will be getting fucked over.

      • The Big XII, however, is a likely casualty.

      • Pristine_ODummy

        For a change.

  • Oblios_Cap

    If Gordon had any allies in the House, he seems to have lost them now, along with his status as a Republican in good-standing and access to the minority office staff and resources.

    They're obviously picking on him because he's a minority!

    But seriously – when did they start allowing Republicans in Rhode Island? I alway thought the state was full of Reds.

    • pdiddycornchips

      Rhode Island, the dingleberry on Massachusetts nutsack.

    • RI has been weird that way for decades. Democrats were mostly political machine creatures, and Republicans were quasi-liberals. Linc Chaffee, for one.

  • Daniel Gordon being kicked out of the Republican caucus is like child porn fan Gary Glitter's deportation from Cambodia–a person would have to be truly horrible to be unwelcome in either of them.

    • HELisforHEL

      I didn't know that about Gary Glitter. And to think I bought his single when I was young and potentially a target of his fucked up sexytime wishes. Oy.

  • Fawkdifiknow

    Don't tell me: He's a Tea Party fave.

  • Karl Rove is thinking that this one shows promise.

    • PubOption

      Rove has some sublety. This guy is bull-in-a-china-shop, more like Tom DeLay.

      • Pristine_ODummy

        Wasn't Rove responsible for giving us Tom DeLay?

    • NYNYNYjr

      The force is strong in this one…and he much anger in him…good…good…

  • Funny thing is? Still more likeable than Mitt Romney.

    • Jukesgrrl

      And smarter than Michele Bachmann.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      That would mean something, if it weren't for the fact that the average squashed piece of chewing gum ruining your carpet is more likeable than Mittens.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Perhaps the ladies can explain to me what a "terrible dildo" is. Barbed? White boy? Newt Gingrich?

    • HELisforHEL

      All of them, Katie.

  • I bitched to the Law and the Law won.

  • Pragmatist2

    Hey, this is kid stuff. Rhode Island had a Chief Justice who came home to find a body stuffed in his freezer.

  • genxr

    Unfortunately, police can't storm the place because he's holding the budget hostage.

  • jjdaddyo

    I think I saw this episode of Brotherhood. Doesn't the pot-smoking Catholic schoolgirl whack him and bury him under a bridge now?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    So, this guy runs wild in Mass, eh? I wonder if he ever "smelt the felt" at Big Dan's Bar over in New Bedford, back in the day.

  • Hera Sent Me

    Looks like we've found a running mate for Rick Perry.

    • No. We found the top of the ticket. And a step up it is, indeed.

    • DaRooster

      This guy only threatens people… he ain't "Bad Ass" enough to kill 'em.

      • Chichikovovich

        True, but few people *set out* to order the execution of a known innocent. It's more a crime of opportunity.

  • MadeinDetroit

    In my recollection, pretty much every single thing in high school was a sexual meet-up group.

  • Limeylizzie

    I would be interested in a Gay/Straight Alliance if Rachel Maddow was involved.

    • OC_Surf_Serf

      I would be interested in documenting said Gay/Straight Alliance between Limeylizzie and Dr. Maddow. For science.

      • Limeylizzie

        I love her, she is so tall and I would feel protected all tucked under her arm as she nuzzled my neck and gently stroked my ……

      • Pristine_ODummy

        Science requires MUCH closer observation. I will conduct this observation. For Science! (And LimeyLizzie and Dr. Maddow, two of my favouritest gurlz.)

    • V572 T-Blow

      Could Portia de Rossi have a role in this somehow too?

      • Limeylizzie

        She's too girly, if i'm going to have a walk on the lesbian side then I want someone who looks as if they would know how to eat pussy.

        • V572 T-Blow

          de gustibus, et cetera. Were I present you'd have no worries on that account, my dear.

    • AJWjr.

      I'm in, for research.

  • The even bigger assholes are the ones who voted for him.

    • proudgrampa

      Either that, or his opponent in the last election was WORSE.

      • mereoblivion

        Yeah, I wanna MEET the schmoe who lost to this horrifying excuse for a human bean. (Or do I?)

        • Chichikovovich

          Most of the voters were aching for that upper-class tax cut. And they agreed with his Selma-killing policy.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Ther's a Portuguese joke in here…

      • In Tiverton? Get the fuck outahere.

      • Negropolis

        I thought the Portuguese were all up in MA? Isn't little Rhodie basically a personal mafia fiefdom?

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Now you know why Republicans are against government. They charged him 18 times! LEAVE DANIEL ALONE!

  • FakaktaSouth

    Scott Walker's people doing computer stuff on company time, check. Sarah Palin personally attacking people on the interwebs, check. Every state senator in America, but particularly Ohio Rs, are bad drivers, check. Michele Bachman has a bunch of gay teens in her district killing themselves, check.
    What has this guy done wrong/different/out of Republican bounds?

    • glamourdammerung

      As I pointed out in another post, he talked bad about the GOP. That got him kicked out after about two decades of criminal activities did not.

      • horsedreamer_1

        11th commandment libel!!!

  • baconzgood

    Is it just me or does this dude sound like kind of a prick?

    • Pristine_ODummy

      It's just you, baconz. To everybody else, he sounds like a gigantic douche with a HUGE asshole.

  • This is about how long it usually takes boston cops to catch someone. Much longer, if the individual is not in public office in a nearby state. They are really fat.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      All these years, and they never even noticed.

  • mavenmaven

    Funny how all these years he managed to successfully elude arrest, but someone teases him on the internet and he totally loses it. What a classic troll.

  • JoshuaNorton

    GOP Lawmaker Turns Out To Be Wanted Fugitive

    GOP Lawmaker/Fugitive

    Kind of reduntant, don't you think?

    • A_VoightKampff

      I found it rather comforting to learn at least one natural constant hasn't been disproven by CERN.

  • HistoriCat

    Why is he wasting his time in the state leg? He should be in the US Senate!

  • GortRay

    Rhode Island is the bluest of states, but there are a few pockets of white trash and/or yuppies(i.e. white trash with money) which manage to slip in a Repube every so often. And they are all like this scum-maggot Gordon (but he has raised the bar for future Repugnicants.)

    • I really hate to say this, but the RI Democrats are mostly kinda douchey, too. Every singe one of them went to parochial school, Providence College, and Suffolk Law School. At night. And they wear pinkie rings.

  • glamourdammerung

    When do we get the teabaggers telling us how this is President Obama's fault?

  • glamourdammerung

    Is there some kind of Andy Breitbartish video of this clown ranting about how he is going to murder the next person that calls him a fag?

  • DaRooster

    "Did someone say "Meat-Up Group"? I love going back to jail!"

  • mumbly_joe

    To be fair, fleeing the law from Massachusetts is pretty much what Rhode Island is for, going as far back as to colonial days. I mean, granted, when Roger Williams did it, it was because he was banished for espousing religious views that conflicted with the Puritans (namely, religious tolerance, abolition of slavery, treating native americans as equals, etc.), and not for being an abusive, criminal dildosack, but other than that it's pretty much exactly the same.

    • proudgrampa

      It is nice to know that some things never change…

  • Barrelhse

    They ought to drug test the little shit, he's got the eyes of a crack smoker.

  • DaRooster

    "…after he went to the police department to file an allegation against “cyber-stalkers,” to complain that “people were saying things about him on blogs.”

    What is it with these fucking pussies (Brightbarf, this dickhead, etc…)? They dish out fucking threats and spew their hate all the doo dah day… but if someone calls them on it or even calls them a name they cower in the corner and cry… fucking chicken shit little bitches… "Commence to shootin' or get out of the way!"… figuratively, of course…

    • HELisforHEL

      You've just described the Tea Baggers in their entirety. well, almost–you left out "stupid fucking morons who vote against their best interests what the fuck is wrong with you jackasses…"
      oops, sorry-got carried away.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Considering that gay people have been called names for centuries, not to mention actually threatened with, and being on the receiving end of, violence, NotSoBrightBart is the epitome of wussiness. Somebody called him a fag? Wow, kiss my ass, Andy, I've been fucking shot at for being a fag. No, wait, they couldn't possibly have KNOWN at the time, so "shot at because some fucking idiot redneck thought I MIGHT could LOOK like a fag." Whining cocksucking ass-bitch.

  • Why wait till their in office to become criminals, just vote in convicts and cut out the middle man.

  • DaRooster

    "If Gordon had any allies in the House, he seems to have lost them now, along with his status as a Republican in good-standing…"

    But he can go to jail and be a (R) in good kneeling…

  • proudgrampa

    I guess "toute nation a le gouvernement qu’elle mérite" applies to "etats" as well.

    • LesBontemps

      Yeah, and these guys are doing everything they can to prove Mencken right, too.

      • proudgrampa

        Fersure. My favorite Mencken:

        "Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard."

  • fuflans

    to be fair, the south has been getting WWAAAYYYYY too much coverage of late.

  • Redhead

    Ooooh, this is the story that keeps on giving! Now he'll go to the police department to file a complaint against Wonkette for cyberstalking or cyberbullying or whatever – and while he's there, the police department will discover some OTHER jail sentence or active warrant!

    Though I have to say, it is refreshing to see a Republican scandal that doesn't involve sex with boys/hookers/weapons and roofies.

    • Chichikovovich

      So far as we know.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Since Chichikovovich said what I was going to, I'll just say "Yet."

      Is that the face of a boy-raping, blow-snorting-off-a-rentboy's-ass, moral reprobate, or what?

    • A_VoightKampff

      Have the cops picked the lock on his storm cellar or pulled-up the floor boards in his rumpus room yet?

  • Mort_Sinclair

    Love it. Nearly orgasmic schadenfreude.

  • glamourdammerung

    It is funny to note that multiple felonies and misdeanors are fine with the RI GOP. Just not saying mean things about them. That gets you kicked out of their clubhouse/caucus/caucasian.

  • SenileAgitation

    I can imagine the thinking. "Well, Mass is shot, nothing good going to happen there anymore. Maybe I'll just slip over the state line and run my disabled vet contracting scam there. And hell, why not run for office while I'm at it? Can't do worse than the assholes running things now, am I right?" But in the end, too sensitive to perceived slights (while liberally dispensing same). Needs a George V. Higgins to really capture the combination of idiocy, criminality, bland opportunism, half-cunning and righteous injured pride. Go RI crook-politicians!

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    What, just the one GOP lawmaker?

    • Pristine_ODummy

      So far, so far. I remain hopeful.

  • jus_wonderin

    There's always next season of Dancing With the Stars. To late for the current one. Hell, they let Tom (Tim? Kim?) Delay on there.

  • An_Outhouse

    I'd like to get the vetting contract for the Rhode Island GOP.

    • Inis_Magrath

      RI GOP vetting process:

      Question 1: Are you breathing?
      Question 2: Do you hate unions?

      Yes to both? Great! You're in!

  • Come here a minute

    I wonder if the "people saying things about him on blogs" had to do with his criminal record, his sucky job as state legislator, or, the most heinous thing that can be said about a conservative on a blog, calling him gay.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Andy Breitbart? Is that you?

    • mumbly_joe

      I thought the most heinous thing you could say about a conservative on a blog was to accuse him of racism and race-baiting, on account of the racism and race-baiting.

  • pdiddycornchips

    So Taco Bell has a more rigorous screening process than the Rhode Island State Legislature? There's a lesson for the kids out there. if you have a record, don't apply for the usual low wage dead end jobs, reach for the skies!

  • El Pinche

    ERIC HOLDER IS BEHIND THIS, THIS IS CLASS WARFARE !! aND ANDREW BRIETBART IS NOT GAY !!!! ANDREW BRIETBART IS NOT GAY !!!! ANDREW BRIETBART IS GAY !!!! ANDREW BRIETBART IS GAY !!!!

  • AlaskaGrrl

    Perry/Gordon 2012!

  • Your move, Arizona et al.

  • ttommyunger

    Well at least he isn't near.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      You always look for the little heart of gold in the heaping pile of shit, don't you, ttommy?

      • ttommyunger

        I just knew he must have some redeeming quality, at least in the eyes of his Party.

  • owhatever

    Why, youngsters, I remember the day when somebody announced as a candidate for office, the local newspaper would assign a reporter to CHECK HIS FUCKIN' BACKGROUND!

    • Beowoof

      They're busy tracking down the latest dead white woman, with a shady widower husband.

    • Negropolis

      Silly, newspapers don't really exist anymore. And those reporters? Yeah, their bloggers.

  • whatupirondog

    According to the comments after the Herald News story, he should be acquitted because of chappaquiddick and Barney Frank. Also, the founding fathers got arrested for eluding the police all the time.

  • DetectiveGrey

    Welcome to Rhode Island: Our liberals are liberal, our moderates are liberal, our conservatives are liberal, and everyone else has a tiny caucus.

  • meatlofer

    I'll bet he love Gaggers!

  • Jukesgrrl

    "Oh!! THAT Dan Gordon," said the voters, slapping themselves on their foreheads.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      They'd've been better off if they'd slapped his. To begin with.

  • BZ1

    let me hazard a wild guess, another repub running on a law-and-order platform?

    • Jukesgrrl

      With a side dish of family values.

  • gizdal

    sounds like the right kind of CV for a GOPer – anti-gay, dumb, criminal, etc – after all , they are involved in taking bribes from big corporations aren't they? they just call it Campaign Contributions, etc.
    but we know it as bribery.
    we could save money by eliminating congress & legislatures, and just let the lobbyists make the laws. why pay extra to middleman?

  • Negropolis

    Ah, yes, the state of East Connecticut, more Jersey than Jersey, the Lil
    Mafia State. What a state; what a sad, little appendage of a state, and that's coming from someone in Michigan, mind you.

    BTW, he's one of like, what, two Republicans in the entire state, right?

  • Ah, Republicans. This is a GREAT start to my day. Now, if only something like this could come out on Bachmann or Perry, we'd have the Presidency on lock before election day even hits.

  • Inis_Magrath

    As a Rhode Islander I take issue with you saying the, "Ocean State is kind of a sad, drug-addled dump." RI is not a dump.

  • PlanetWingNut

    This guy has Spunk!!!!

    soon to be all over his face and *** courtesy of the state Penn.

  • A_VoightKampff

    And there's an old dried booger on his right lapel. I'd be surprised to learn he's NOT a rapist.

Previous articleAmazon Using Successful Disposable Human Strategy To Staff Warehouse
Next article‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ Repeal Goes Into Effect, Apparently?