Who is the latest casualty in Michelle Obama’s war against calories and fun? Prepare yourselves, because this one is a huge blow to this country’s Proud Obese and their important culture and lifestyle: the Darden Restaurant Corporation is what will now murder your children with mixed greens. You might not have heard of this Darden, but this is the thing that owns Olive Garden and Red Lobster, the restaurants that revolutionized the obesity epidemic by taking the ideas behind the fast food diabetes factories we all came to love, adding a tablecloth and silverware, and charging a few extra dollars for the same increased blood pressure. The Never Ending Pasta Bowl is American innovation at its best, so why doesn’t Michelle Obama want to Win the Future, through sheer body mass?
On Thursday, our FLOTUS made an appearance as the Orlando, Florida-based (ha ha, of course) Darden announced that it would do some things to maybe make children’s menus slightly less toxic. Children are crying all across America, because next time they go to Olive Garden, they will be given “sides of fruit or vegetables and 1 percent milk unless an adult requests a substitute. Sodas and fries will not be listed on the menus, but in most cases can be requested.” But what about Freedom?
Darden Restaurants CEO Clarence Otis smiled for the cameras last week with First Lady Michelle Obama, who has campaigned against childhood obesity, as he unveiled Darden’s plan to reduce calories and salt by 20 percent over the next 10 years.
Almost immediately, posts on the Facebook fan pages for Olive Garden and Red Lobster took on the vitriolic tone that is all too common in politics today.
“I LOVE Red Lobster, but if you follow the plan of Michelle Obama I will not be eating at your restaurant ever again,” wrote one poster. “… I will not have my food choices dictated to me by food dictators like Michelle Obama.”
“You should be ashamed,” said another. “The government does not know best. Americans and the free markets do. My contribution to the free market economy of the USA will be to never eat at an Olive Garden restaurant again.”
Oh! We see what you did there, Michelle Obama. You have encouraged a restaurant chain to adopt barely noticeable menu changes, forcing this country’s slobs to boycott their own disgusting slob habits, which they are doing to “send a message.” You are one clever FLOTUS, and we like it. [Orlando Sentinel]