HOME VIDEOS  6:49 pm September 16, 2011

Michele Bachmann Produces World’s Cheapest-Looking Campaign Ad

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Geez, the 85 or so spam emails we get from Michele Bachmann’s campaign begging for money each week are apparently going unheeded, since this latest campaign video appears to have been recorded for the rental price of the plastic tree in the background and shot on Marcus’s laptop computer camera in a dank office hallway with wall carpeting.

Seriously, this looks like an ad for vacuum cleaners or discount bulk-rate catheters or something, and she’s slurring her speech more than usual. Has the entire media staff of her campaign quit, and we just don’t know about it yet? [YouTube]

 
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{ 410 comments }

Mort_Sinclair September 16, 2011 at 6:52 pm

Dear God in Heaven, she is a zombie without a clip-on microphone. I think she made this in her basement. Be very afraid.

flamingpdog September 16, 2011 at 7:25 pm

Blah blah, blah blah, my three little girls, blah blah blah. She needs to go home and read this book to her chilluns.

LettucePrey September 16, 2011 at 7:32 pm

"Three daughters," haha, she lies. She has all of them, Katie!

Radiotherapy® September 16, 2011 at 8:09 pm

When does she even have time for her precious fucking thirty kids? Between touring Iowa and flying off to DC to vote on delaminating the NLRB.

not that Dewey September 16, 2011 at 10:29 pm

I think you misspelled "torturing Iowa".

glamourdammerung September 17, 2011 at 4:36 pm

It is alright, she uses incandescent light bulbs as babysitters.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 1:41 pm

That's a lovely book. Problem is, I can't think of a child I hate enough to inflict it on. (sob!)

flamingpdog September 17, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Could be the one to push the little Santorum daughter over the edge.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Oh, pdog! I shall aspire to be more like you in this respect.

I used to think I was the worst person in the world. Till I discovered Wonkette.

almightygod September 16, 2011 at 9:25 pm

Don't blame me. The voices in her aren't don't belong to this deity.

Ancient_Hacker September 16, 2011 at 10:49 pm

I think the echoes are from all the empty space inside her head. Needs more foam in there.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Partner claims she filmed it in Marcus' closet — of course there's echo, you know how ROOMY that thing is?

Tyrant September 17, 2011 at 7:34 am

Usually you can at least expect her to have her hair and makeup done right.

Kgprophet September 17, 2011 at 6:33 pm

It sounds like she's practicing her speech in front of the bathroom mirror. She probably put the camcorder on "auto" and had to hit the record button her lonely old self.

Limeylizzie September 16, 2011 at 6:53 pm

So that's what I sound like when I talk to people on my cell phone when I am taking my morning bowel movement…interesting.

poncho_pilot September 16, 2011 at 6:59 pm

as someone who has recorded himself singing and playing guitar in bathrooms, i concur.

user-of-owls September 16, 2011 at 11:43 pm

Dear thing, I thought we'd settled this many memes ago: girls don't poop. And you, my lovely, are the acme of said gender.

Really. You pooping. Where on earth do you come up with such things?

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 1:45 pm

You da man! And I don't care if Michele Bachmann said it first!

Angry_Marmot September 17, 2011 at 6:50 am

Congresswoman Bachmann prefers to think of it as "dropping the kids off at the pool".

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Oh, Marmot! That's what Angry_Bob calls it, too. Better translate for the gurls.

mumbly_joe September 18, 2011 at 12:29 pm

I saw a twitter about this, and how "dropping the kids off at the pool" is perhaps an inartful euphemism, because it implies that you're going to come back around later to pick them up again.

Pristine_ODummy September 18, 2011 at 12:36 pm

ZOMG, I'm so glad I finished that sip of tea before reading this. The keyboard's sticky already. EW.

Thanks for the morning hysteria. I needed it to face the day.

imissopus September 18, 2011 at 2:30 pm

I've always preferred "firebombing Berlin."

Fare la Volpe September 21, 2011 at 6:36 pm

So the better metaphor would be "dropping the kids off at their mother's."

Fare la Volpe September 21, 2011 at 6:36 pm

The better metaphor would be "dropping the kids off at their mother's."

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 1:43 pm

No! You actually talk on the cellie when you're in the terlet? Lizzie, my adored, my most precious, I would never have thought it of you.

Limeylizzie September 17, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Never to friends and loved ones, mainly to telemarketers and their ilk.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Ah, well. THEY deserve it.

tihond September 16, 2011 at 6:54 pm

I'm pretty sure our public access channel threw that set away in the early 90s.

DrunkIrishman September 16, 2011 at 6:55 pm

I half-expected a confused secretary to wander into the shot, blankly look at the camera, get a bit flustered and nervously wander off in the opposite direction.

MissTaken September 16, 2011 at 6:55 pm

Does the carpet match the wall?

GhostBuggy September 16, 2011 at 6:56 pm

Yeah, I don't know if Marcus lets Michele near his computer, if you catch my drift.

edgydrifter September 16, 2011 at 7:46 pm

No! Don't look at that–it's my RESEARCH!!

BTWBFDIMHO September 16, 2011 at 7:52 pm

Doubt she can use a computer. She tried with that Window 3.1 thing, but it hurt her eyes.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 1:48 pm

She's probably like that one boss we've all had who's ALWAYS bugging you to come over and see why her computer isn't working? And you check the plug, and it's ALWAYS (ALWAYS!) because the dumb bitch either didn't plug it in, or forgot how to turn the damn thing on?

HistoriCat September 17, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Or doesn't even use a computer at all … someone prints out all of her emails for her.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 4:58 pm

And then yawps about "going green," and has one of those green recycle boxes in her office into which she dumps her REAMS of printed out emails. And can't understand why all the geeks in the office fucking hate her ass.

UW8316154 September 17, 2011 at 3:39 pm

You win the fuckin' afternoon.

poncho_pilot September 16, 2011 at 6:56 pm

diggin' that bathroom reverb, Michele.

mourningnmerica September 16, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Somebody turn the whammy bar attachment down.

AlterNewt September 17, 2011 at 5:56 pm

My parents had an all-tile bathroom. Acoustic guitar heaven.

poncho_pilot September 18, 2011 at 10:28 am

totally. boombox + tiled bathroom + solo acoustic performance. it's like being on Unplugged.

Mrspanky September 17, 2011 at 7:01 pm

She needs a vocorder or a classic Heil Talk Box to be understood.

"Do you feel like I do? ……."

poncho_pilot September 18, 2011 at 10:26 am

reminds me that i haven't finished building my talk box…

JGambolputty September 17, 2011 at 9:13 pm

I always wondered if anyone would actually use those audio editing presets. This would have been even funnier if she had used the "under water" preset.

poncho_pilot September 18, 2011 at 10:30 am

"alien" or "robot" voice. although that might just sound like a Ween song.

not that Dewey September 18, 2011 at 10:36 am

Any Ween song would be far more politically relevant than this video. Especially "Piss up a Rope" or "Don't Get 2 Close 2 My Fantasy".

poncho_pilot September 18, 2011 at 3:56 pm

A mother with crazy eyes
Made her children cry
Why ask why
Her husband was unclean
On Waterloo Green

The mother saw the eyes
As a sign from God
Descending from the skies
It was alright to scheme
In Waterloo Green

Summon the Queens
Spoke the husband of eyes
It's time to pray
Making straights from gays
In Waterloo Green

V572 T-Blow September 16, 2011 at 6:57 pm

That Minnesota nasal quality (Palin has it too, and Francis McDormand hit it perfectly in "Fargo") is something one hopes the American electorate will not want to hear four more years of. Give us more of Barry's Beautiful Baritone, please!

ProudLibunatic September 16, 2011 at 7:12 pm

Yes, Michele, I'm a "Mam," too.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Gaaaad, that's exaaaactly haaw it saaaunds when she sez it. Makes me want to put a bullet in my ear.

Dr_pangloss September 16, 2011 at 11:46 pm

Hell I'd vote for Margie Gunderson, she would kick ass as President.

riverside68 September 17, 2011 at 11:12 am

U-betcha!

Neilist_Returns September 17, 2011 at 1:46 am

OLD MAN RIBBER! OLD MAN RIBBER! HE GIST KEEPS ROLLIN , , ,

Oh, wait a minute. Wrong Magic Negro.

Different generation.

Sorry.

V572 T-Blow September 17, 2011 at 11:35 am

Robeson was a basso of the most profundo sort. Well, actually a bass-baritone. But who would you rather listen to?

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 1:52 pm

I can listen to Robeson's beautiful voice while voting for Barry. That's what iPods are for.

HedonismBot September 17, 2011 at 10:30 am

Hopefully, the American electorate will also take a pass on four more years of redneck Southern twang.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 1:50 pm

It's horrifying. Frances McDormand sure did nail that in Fargo, didn't she? I love that woman, I could watch her all day long, but Marge Gunderson's nasal whine is something I could happily live without.

And yes, the Prez has a wonderful voice, with a calm, soothing quality that just really, really gentles the ear — unlike Cowboy Rick or the BachmannTurd's Overdrive.

Barb September 16, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Heaven help me. I am starting to like Sarah Palin. Must…drink….heavily to stop this feeling.

AlterNewt September 16, 2011 at 7:38 pm

We are finding out just how low the bar can go.

BTWBFDIMHO September 16, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Glenn Rice, I presume?

PsycWench September 16, 2011 at 9:56 pm

If the feeling persists, go straight for the lobotomy.

BTWBFDIMHO September 17, 2011 at 7:55 pm

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

Negropolis September 16, 2011 at 10:01 pm

You know, you don't have to like either of them if you don't want to. We have Hillary, and that should be enough. You could take the best parts of both of these politicos (Palin and Bachmann) and they wouldn't be better than Hillary on her worst day.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 17, 2011 at 3:43 am

"Best parts"? I'm afraid to ask…

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Anything that makes *you* afraid, Biely …

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Hillary on her worst day still outranks those two idiots for her smarts, her class, and her charm. IRL, she is an incredibly impressive woman. IIRC, she was TWICE named as one of the 100 best lawyers in the USA. I was a definite Hillary vote in the last elections, until I saw how badly she managed the fiscal side of her campaign. That's what put me in the camp for the then little-known Senator from Illinois. Not only did he manage a billion-dollar budget over two grueling years without wasting a single penny, he ended his campaign with an impressive war chest and helped Mrs. Clinton pay down her campaign debt. THAT is why she will never have my vote. I don't think those kind of fiscal management skills come easy, and she doesn't have them. She's also not very good at people management. Her campaign staff were an outright embarassment with all the internecine warfare and daily leaks. Still, despite her many real issues, she is head and shoulders above those two stupid cunts.

V572 T-Blow September 17, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Plus she's taken on the job of SoS without grandstanding (like Condi) or attempting to phone it in (like Powell). I never thought she'd take to this job that well, seeing as how most presidential candidates have out-sized egos.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 2:13 pm

She's a thoroughgoing professional. I know people who have worked with her, and they have nothing but praise for her dedication. She's a little too hawklike for my taste at times, but I have yet to see her equal among women. She's quite a lady.

Chet Kincaid September 17, 2011 at 7:44 pm

See, why do we even have to talk about Hillary in comparison to Mrs. Dumb and Mrs. Crazy? We ought to be holding both genders of politicians to a much higher standard than these two. It is laughable on the face of it that either one is anywhere near a discussion of the Presidency, and that requires no bullet point comparison to Mrs. Clinton.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 7:55 pm

Why? Because, for the first time in recorded history, the entire line-up for the Republican nomination is of a caliber calculated to horrify the rational. Not a one of those miserable motherfuckers, with the possible exception of Romney and Huntsman, have any business running for the Presidency. They're a depressing collection of unimpressive, unintelligent, unachieving hucksters, in it for the cash and the glory, much good may it do them.

Thus, they force this discussion. Much as they have forced themselves upon the nation's political stage, the charlatans.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Michele Bachmann — the only woman on the planet who can make Sarah Palin sound good.

I'll join ya. (Pours large glass of the house white)

Callyson September 16, 2011 at 6:58 pm

Well, at least she has learned to make eye contact…
But really, she's going to go after the Rickster for crony capitalism, while receiving government handouts?
Michele Bachmann disclosure includes farm receiving government subsidies http://articles.latimes.com/2011/aug/15/news/la-p
Oh, and her slogan? "The unifying choice that will beat Obama"?!? LMFAO…maybe if she means "beat Obama at the race to the insane asylum"

poncho_pilot September 16, 2011 at 7:01 pm

"Well, at least she has learned to make eye contact…"

i think they just move the camera more to one side.

genxr September 16, 2011 at 8:12 pm

This was obviously filmed with a hidden camera. There is a large fake camera off to the right, which is where they told her to look.

poncho_pilot September 16, 2011 at 8:41 pm

if you can't adjust X, adjust Y.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Sooner or later, Ricky will get tired of her schtick and his handlers will feed him the information on her millions of government money. Let's see what happens then.

memzilla September 16, 2011 at 7:00 pm

Even though this was shot on his Dell Inspiron laptop, I have the feeling that Michelle 'n Marcus will bill the campaign $250,000 in production costs. Federally subsidized production costs.

NorthStarSpanx September 17, 2011 at 10:00 am

Quiet a contrast to the To-Be-Determined purpose of SarahPAC's last commercial of her whimsical t-shirt visit to the Iowa State Fair last month. Alaska's own “delicate, tiny, very talented celebrity starlet” must have billed for a million dollars for that Hollywood production quality.

ManchuCandidate September 16, 2011 at 7:01 pm

"Welcome to Batshit Bachmann's Emporium of Insanity! You want Xtian Fundamentalism! We'll push it!!! You want no regulations whatsoever! It's done. No more deficit spending! It's all yours! More War!! No more gubbiment in your Medicare? No Homo?!? Done, done and done. At Batshit Bachmann's we don't do anything smart or sane. You name your deepest darkest craziest desire and we'll do it! Go vote at Batshit Bachmann's where we're flush US America down the toilet in the name of low taxes and Jeebus!!!!"

memzilla September 16, 2011 at 7:12 pm

Dr. Jerry Carroll couldn't have done this any better. Ehhhhhhhxcellent.

Rotundo_ September 16, 2011 at 8:14 pm

I can flush that country down the terlet for nahnteen nahnee nahn!

mourningnmerica September 16, 2011 at 9:51 pm

Great post. I can picture the barker slapping his cane on the counter top.

Neilist_Returns September 17, 2011 at 1:51 am

Balliol Bothers? Is that you?

real_dc_native September 17, 2011 at 6:28 pm

I think you've outlined the entire Republican Party platform for 2012, no matter who gets nominated.

OC_Surf_Serf September 16, 2011 at 7:02 pm

What Ramada Inn was that taped in?

poncho_pilot September 16, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Ramada Inn? isn't that a Muslin Hate Holiday?

Fare la Volpe September 16, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Please. Do you think the campaign is made of money? The best Shelly could afford was the service closet of a Super 8.

ManchuCandidate September 16, 2011 at 7:11 pm

Motel 6(66)

HistoriCat September 16, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Who said anything about paying? They ducked in the side door, found an empty hallway and shot it. Wham bam, thank you ma'am. And out they went.

First time that's ever been applied to Michele I bet.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Girlfriend, it's *Marcus'* closet. That's why the echo.

Schmannnity September 16, 2011 at 9:22 pm

International Falls Best Western. 19 Fahernheit

mourningnmerica September 16, 2011 at 9:52 pm

Or was it a Chick-Fil-A?

Negropolis September 16, 2011 at 10:02 pm

Ummm…all of them, Katie?

Wonderthing September 16, 2011 at 7:02 pm

"Hi. My name is Michelle Bachman. This tree will be my running mate. I will personally guarantee that brown people and anyone who wants to take your hard earned money is hunted down by my Zombie Army and killed. My health care plan is simple: Pay the insurer of your choice buttloads of money. When you get sick, tough shit. Why should I give you any of the money you stupidly gave me? It's mine now! Hello, Zombie Squad? Got another loser for ya! Thanks and hey, vote for me!"

wrksuxcreatbeer September 16, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Oh you thing of wonder, you!

Fare la Volpe September 16, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Marcus' clinic only takes payment in "special favors."

ProudLibunatic September 16, 2011 at 7:08 pm

C'mon, that's Sara Benincasa right?
(Well it is Friday!)

poncho_pilot September 16, 2011 at 7:08 pm

"You think we watch any of your movies, Harry Michele? I've seen better film on teeth."

PsycWench September 16, 2011 at 9:58 pm

It would have been a much better ad except for gay marriage. Only because gay marriage is to blame for everything that is not excellent.

poncho_pilot September 17, 2011 at 10:44 am

well that's a load off my mind! i thought i was to blame for everything that is not excellent. can i still be the reason we can't have nice things?

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Well … you can TRY. But I suspect *Repuglycan'ts* are the REAL reason we can't have nice things, America.

poncho_pilot September 17, 2011 at 2:48 pm

hmm. well…i'll see if there are any openings for gremlins. i know just enough about electrical and mechanical things to make them work incorrectly.

edgydrifter September 16, 2011 at 7:09 pm

After ejecting thirty-eight mini-Bachmanns from her skinny loins, "dank office hallway with wall carpeting" probably describes the part of her that makes Marcus vaguely squirmish, too.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Hon, if she'd spawned 38, her hoo-ha would be more like the Hoo-ver Dam, if you get my drift. It's 28, and only five of those popped out of her horse-collar.

102415 September 18, 2011 at 1:14 am

You said horse collar.

Pristine_ODummy September 18, 2011 at 2:44 am

I sure did, din't I? I get rottener by the day.

BarackMyWorld September 16, 2011 at 7:12 pm

I was going to make a "You know who else…?" comment, but the Nazi were well-known for having excellent production values in their propaganda.

memzilla September 16, 2011 at 7:40 pm

She chose to use Leni Leafenstahl, and got Triumph of the Shrill.

Doktor Zoom September 16, 2011 at 7:13 pm

Oh, for heaven's sake–Perry didn't support the HPV vaccine because he was bought off, he supported the vaccine because his best political buddy was a lobbyist for the manufacturer. Those are TOTALLY different types of political sleaziness.

poncho_pilot September 16, 2011 at 7:16 pm

bribe libel!

Doktor Zoom September 16, 2011 at 7:40 pm

Best Bud libel.

Negropolis September 16, 2011 at 10:04 pm

Bribel!

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Total WIN.

poncho_pilot September 18, 2011 at 4:08 pm

nice. i think that's the name of the actual conservative Bible–the Brible.

starfanglednut September 16, 2011 at 7:14 pm

A) Kirsten, why did you not tell me to turn down the volume on my puter before I clicked on this thing? I now need intensive ear trauma therapy.

B) What in Christ's name is this woman staring at all the time?

C) When are these wingtards going to understand that bammycare is simply a way to avoid having tax payers pay for uninsured people to get basic medical care at emergency rooms, something which they claim to hate?

D) Oh, fuck it never mind.

Doktor Zoom September 16, 2011 at 7:40 pm

Let them die.

emmelemm September 16, 2011 at 7:52 pm

Help 'em along.

Negropolis September 16, 2011 at 10:05 pm

Because, this is so what Jesus would do.

That's right, y'all. Just send 'em to Jesus; keep sendin' 'em back to Jesus.

ThundercatHo September 16, 2011 at 9:11 pm

A) K. didn't really expect us to listen
B) A laser pointer (kittens and puppies love 'em)
C) Never, duh
D) Time for a cocktail

starfanglednut September 16, 2011 at 10:10 pm

A laser pointer! That's it!

johnnyzhivago September 16, 2011 at 10:39 pm

What is she staring at??? A teleprompter. No question about it. I used to do a lot of corporate videos and used a teleprompter all the time. The finished product was so much more professional looking – and it only cost a little more – for the teleprompter guy to be on the shoot with his thing, which was a monitor/mirror thing that was setup with the camera and a pc.

You go through the script a couple of times – and the guy figures out how to pace you – and then you do the shoot – usually in one take. For me, without a teleprompter, it usually took about 6000 takes since I forgot stuff. I imagine for Bachmann, that would be about 6 zillion takes without a T.P.

However – after a little practice – even with the TP, you could look really professional and natural. Michelle looks like she's reading the lines – not just using it to jog your memory. I got good enough at it that our PR people tried to get me an audition at the old TechTV, but it never panned out.

bebecca2298 September 17, 2011 at 9:21 am

she's staring at a teleprompter….

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Poor, poor starfangled! You know (D) should always come first when addressing Repuglycunts and their issues.

TanzbodenKoenig September 16, 2011 at 7:16 pm

That Jim Parry is putting up more of a fight than she expected, methinks.

flamingpdog September 16, 2011 at 7:19 pm

She's wearing a flag pin! She has my vote!

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 16, 2011 at 8:09 pm

But she has not surrounded herself with flags. Automatic disqualification in GOP primaries!!!

Negropolis September 16, 2011 at 10:06 pm

I can see it now, some candidate with 911 flags behind them and wrapped in a flag and overtopped with a flag burqa for modesty.

starfanglednut September 16, 2011 at 10:10 pm

Flag burqua ftw.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Yeah, that totally rocked my OldPeepleLarfMachine.

not that Dewey September 16, 2011 at 10:34 pm

Here's what Michele should have worn.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 2:24 pm

You forget who you're talking to, ntD. Now MishMash is gonna hunt down Tina Fey and skin her. You'll be sorry.

not that Dewey September 17, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Not if I get to wear the freshly-flayed skin suit. Hubba hubba!

BTWBFDIMHO September 16, 2011 at 7:23 pm

Perrycare! She has Perry by his balls now. Believe or not, but this lady will destroy his candidacy, and in a couple of weeks, there will be no front runner. Prepare for the worst, plan for the best (way out).

HedonismBot September 17, 2011 at 10:37 am

Bring on the bloodbath! The Republicans should settle their nomination Thunderdome style. Then, we'll turn the winner loose on the grounds where Dick Cheney hunts his pheasants.

Rotundo_ September 17, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Now that would be delicious. I might even send a couple bucks her way were this to happen. But only after Ricky is officially toast. The thought of yet another village idiot in Tejas taking the ship of state out for an adventure cruise is more than I could deal with.

Negropolis September 17, 2011 at 9:31 pm

No, there will be a frontrunner and it'll be Romney, again. This is how the GOP has always done it; they'll give it to the guy who is next in line, even a wishy-washy Mormon. This was really kind of foreseen. There wasn't ever a perfect arch-conservative in this race that could go the distance, but there was a perfect establishment guy to fall back on like there always is.

People keep talking about Romney as if he doesn't have a chance when he's been the frontrunner the entire time. He has an even better chance than McCain did (who's campaign was dead for a long time during his run) in a general election.

user-of-owls September 17, 2011 at 10:21 pm

That is precisely why I am rooting for The Most Insane of the Bunch* to get the nomination. Contrary to the Narrative That Just Keeps On Giving, support for the lunatic agenda is a mile deep but an inch wide in the actual voting public.

Granted, Romney would come out of the primaries as a pretty mauled candidate, but I simply cannot plot a winning trajectory in the generals for a single one of the others. Really, no really, try doing it on paper. This whole "yeah, but the intensity of the TPs is so high they'll turn out in droves!" hoop-dee-doo is utter malarkey: the vast majority of these 'intense' votes-in-waiting are members of personality cults that will stay home and rage in November if their slathering poodle doesn't get the nomination.

*Of course, leading theoreticians have conclusively demonstrated that identifying the current owner of this wildly changing designation as empirically impossible.

Negropolis September 17, 2011 at 11:05 pm

To be honest, despite the media narrative that Obama is just about through, I think people would be fools to unestimate the power of simply incumbency. That's what Dems did in 2004, and incumbency quite literally pulled Bush's sorry ass across the finish line. I agree, if Romney makes it through, he's still not a good candidate; he's their John Kerry. America rarely just changes out a president after one term.

I don't want to sound like a "famous last words guy", but really, I think it's ridiculous to write the president's obituary, especially among such a terrible field of opposition. I'm getting tired of this "don't count crazy out." I don't count incumbency out is what I don't do.

Pristine_ODummy September 18, 2011 at 2:49 am

The real issue is always the money, my friend. President Obama raised $86 million in a shorter period of time than his Repuglycunt opponents. The highest moneyraiser of them all, Mittens, raised $17 million despite the fact that he had been fundraising the entire quarter, and the President had only been fundraising for a little over a month at the time. The media narrative has turned into utter malarkey at this point. You just don't outraise the other side by four times or more if you're so unpopular that people want to get rid of you.

mumbly_joe September 17, 2011 at 11:29 pm

I think this is possibly underestimating the power of base effects. Even if there actually are people out there who are wishy-washy between the Republican "murder and torture and poverty for all" agenda and the Democratic "hey, how about not that stuff" agenda, let's be honest: if Lou Sarah's presence hasn't already scared them away, Rick Perry definitely won't. It just won't happen. Rick Perry is simply not as irritating vacuous and insane as Sarah Palin was.

And conversely, turnout matters. Especially in a country where only ~50% of people vote. And this isn't just about teabagging turning out right-wingers in droves, but also about Obamthusiasm being at record lows, and also about concerted voter suppression efforts in battleground states. Taken together, 2012's going to be an uphill battle.

And frankly, if we're balancing the influence that the respective bases' turnouts are going to have in election against the level of influence that reasonable moderates who were still planning on voting Republican at this point for some nigh-indiscernible reason, I'd take my chances with Mittens "John Kerry, but Republican, and less likable (not to repeat myself)" Romney over Rick Perry in the general, any day.

HedonismBot September 18, 2011 at 12:26 am

I'm slightly less horrified by the thought of "President Romney" than I am at the thought of "President Perry or Bachmann" (and the thought of President Paul or any other currently declared Republican candidate just makes me laugh.)
And, I'm a little embarrassed to even admit this.

Negropolis September 18, 2011 at 1:20 am

I just want someone to tell me what states Obama loses, this time, that he won, last time, that would cost him the electoral college? After all, that's all that counts in the end. From his 365 electoral votes, the president could literally lose North Carolina, Virginia, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania and New Hampshire and still be at 306, well above the 260 needed to win. There is no way in hell the GOP is going to reverse that without some ungodly amount of political force.

It is completely possible this could happen if the entire corporate community turned their force against the president, but it'd have to be very soon, and it'd have to be all-out warfare.

102415 September 18, 2011 at 1:20 am

Agreed, not even Carter can kill the fun.

fuflans September 16, 2011 at 7:23 pm

when do the goth hordes dancing to lady gaga show up?

that's the best part.

ThundercatHo September 16, 2011 at 9:14 pm

They'll play "Born this Way" when she takes the stage to accept the nomination, glitter will fall from the ceiling and she and Marcus will polka to center stage. Then he'll buttfuck her.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Oh please god no. The last thing on earth I want to see is Michele and Marcus doing Teh Sexay. I'd rather see two hippos get it on, frankly, it would be more arousing.

poncho_pilot September 17, 2011 at 2:56 pm

i've seen a nature documentary on hippos…no. especially after watching the slow-mo clip of a hippo shitting…no.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Oh, you think Marcus fucking Michele will result in less poop-hurlage? No, my friend, no. Because the only way Marcus can do the nas-tay is to ram it right up the old poop chute.

Dr_pangloss September 16, 2011 at 11:43 pm

There isn't enough black mascara and fishnets for me to even cross the missisippi to glitterbomb that bitch.

edgydrifter September 16, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Her new media coordinator must be Basil Marceaux.

Dr_pangloss September 16, 2011 at 11:42 pm

Nah Basil has to much self respect.

Swampgas_Man September 17, 2011 at 7:03 am

Wish it were Marcel Marceauxx, the mime.

Sue4466 September 16, 2011 at 7:29 pm

I love how she says "As president, I will" as if that's ever going to happen.

BTWBFDIMHO September 16, 2011 at 7:57 pm

You should lower your expectations.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 2:28 pm

You're *such* an optimist, Sue. Do you really trust your fellow Americans to withhold their vote from the Reigning Dingbat?

Sue4466 September 17, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Nah, I just don't think the right would ever pick a girl. Bachmann & Perry are pretty much the same, but he has a dick and better hair.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Pity she isn't smart enough to realize that. She should just buy herself a dildo and strap it on. Nah, it'll just get Marcus all hot.

Sue4466 September 16, 2011 at 7:30 pm

I don't think "injections for sexually transmitted diseases" are the type that come from needles Michele. The vaccine is to prevent STDs and cervical cancer. You moron.

Tundra Grifter September 16, 2011 at 7:31 pm

That film has the sound quality of two orange juice cans connected by a piece of string.

ObamaCare?

PerryCare?

I don't care.

horsedreamer_1 September 18, 2011 at 10:45 am

You does not care, you mean.

OneYieldRegular September 16, 2011 at 7:37 pm

The thumbs popping up along the bottom of the screen are a nice touch. It's like a Punch and Judy show.

Beetagger September 16, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Looks like a hostage tape.

Negropolis September 16, 2011 at 10:08 pm

Yes, but who is the hostage, here? Hengh?

not that Dewey September 16, 2011 at 10:35 pm

And why won't they just decapitate her already?

user-of-owls September 17, 2011 at 12:05 am

Stop watching! Now!

You'll end up with St. Paul Syndrome!

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Er … wut's that?

flamingpdog September 18, 2011 at 1:17 am

Stockholm Syndrome with a Minnie-Sota twist?

user-of-owls September 18, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Ah, so we both got enough olds to remember our ill-fated friends of 1970s Norwegian fame.

By the way, have you ever had the chance to visit post-independence South Molucca?

UW8316154 September 17, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Don't pay the ransom!!

ttommyunger September 16, 2011 at 7:38 pm

As Imperial and Grand Potentate of All the Known and Unknown Universe, I will insist Michele Bachmann sit down and STFU, so there!

Radiotherapy® September 16, 2011 at 7:38 pm

What's the difference between crony capitalism and pure capitalism?

poncho_pilot September 16, 2011 at 7:45 pm

how closely someone is watching.

Spurning Beer September 16, 2011 at 7:46 pm

Transparency!

not that Dewey September 16, 2011 at 10:36 pm

A bachelor's degree.

102415 September 18, 2011 at 1:26 am

Communism, clearly.

AlterNewt September 18, 2011 at 1:28 am

Practice?

glamourdammerung September 18, 2011 at 3:23 am

There is a difference?

Negropolis September 18, 2011 at 10:22 pm

A conservative college professor's lecture?

rocktonsam September 16, 2011 at 7:39 pm

I first thought this was LiveJasmin and was waiting for her to ask me if I wanted to go to private.

What ever LiveJasmin is.

Dr_pangloss September 16, 2011 at 11:41 pm

Or Chatroullette.. the closeted Midwestern Queen's "GRINDR".

cheetojeebus September 16, 2011 at 7:44 pm

Stop crony priapism!!!!11 NVER 4get!!!!!!!!!

ThundercatHo September 16, 2011 at 11:31 pm

If you experience an election lasting more than 16 months, call your doctor.

Spurning Beer September 16, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Macaroni capitalism is cheesy.

Radiotherapy® September 16, 2011 at 8:00 pm

I'll bet you she, and her ilk, hate regulatory capitalism more than macaroni capitalism.

Spurning Beer September 16, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Rugula capitalism is worse than macaroni capitalism, for sure. Maron!

Radiotherapy® September 16, 2011 at 10:04 pm

I'm not sure what her stance is on fagiolini capitalism.

user-of-owls September 16, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Think she's pro-cannalooney capitalism, no?

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Cool beans.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Is that "Maron" as in "chestnut" (in which case it's misspelled) or "maron" as in "demon," or "maron" as an element in Roman Catholic hagiography?

Spurning Beer September 18, 2011 at 12:37 am

Maron as in corrupted Italian for Madonna.

Not the Kabbalah clown. The one without the spiked metal brassiere.

metamarcisf September 16, 2011 at 7:51 pm

I'm sold. Where do I send that Canadian quarter?

weejee September 16, 2011 at 7:52 pm

Marcus needs to pray-a-way some more gays so She1ey can afford a sound system you wouldn't use to record farts at a Minnesota Gopher tailgate party.

Blendergoathead September 16, 2011 at 7:52 pm

Neez moar red-eyed Devil Sheep.

AlterNewt September 17, 2011 at 2:29 pm

You really can't go wrong with those.

BlueStateLibel September 16, 2011 at 7:53 pm

This looks like it was filmed in the lobby of the local Cardio-Care and Associates. I hope she got permission.

Goonemeritus September 16, 2011 at 8:01 pm

It’s kind of nice to see John Waters still out there doing farce. By the way who’s the actor channeling Devine?

johnnyzhivago September 16, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Just to be clear, when *I* am your president I will build a pipeline to Tatooni to tap the frozen gas there, I will never negotiate with invading aliens, I will work ceaselessly for the Alaska-Siberia subway tunnel and I will never force your sons to take flu shots, because someone told me they turn your penis into a unicorn horn.

Thank you and God Bless America.

FakaktaSouth September 16, 2011 at 8:07 pm

Michele Bachmann, one L, two crazy eyes, and all the Botox and fillers you can shove in a face. This 55yo woman's skin looks smoother than my 4 year old's, and her mouth seems to be moving inside/inspite of her cheeks. I don't think it's pain killers slurring her speech, I'm pretty sure it's botulism. She's gonna look like a dented up can before 2012 even gets here.

johnnyzhivago September 16, 2011 at 8:17 pm

I know plenty of 55 year old women who look as good or better than Michelle…. Her problem isn't her skin, it's her brain.

FakaktaSouth September 16, 2011 at 8:53 pm

I know women who are older than her that look better too – especially the ones who don't have huge swollen Rocky eyelids or negative laugh lines from injection sites. People who use their faces at all are going to have AT LEAST a line or two somewhere and they look a hell of a lot better for it.

Rotundo_ September 16, 2011 at 8:22 pm

I am truly surprised that she didn't get a Kathryn Harris implant set prior to her congressional run, and even more so that she hasn't for this race. She has the kind of crazy that getting a two cup size boost would actually lend credibility to.

SudsMcKenzie September 16, 2011 at 8:12 pm

For some reason I want to buy a reverse mortgage.

genxr September 16, 2011 at 8:17 pm

On the alpaca farm?

DahBoner September 17, 2011 at 5:57 pm

" reverse mortgage"

Be careful with those.

I hear you end up sleeping in a college dorm room with cheap IKEA furniture….

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 16, 2011 at 8:13 pm

Sadly, since the powers that be at FOX News have decided that she is bad for the movement, http://blatherwatch.blogs.com/talk_radio/2011/09/… , she is reduced to making her appearances on cable access, the original home of the right-wing wacko.

Dr_pangloss September 16, 2011 at 11:38 pm

Kind of funny that. I guess it might all be a cycle after all. With the rise of the Tea Party we are all thinking 'It's the End' when in fact it might just be the top end of the cycle because you know… the black guy. The teatards are loosing traction faster than a Palin girl trying to pull her panties up against the strength of a third string High School Hockey team Defenseman.

johnnyzhivago September 16, 2011 at 8:14 pm

Government mandated innoculations sounds like something in Sharia Law.

genxr September 16, 2011 at 8:14 pm

She's right. The choice of getting the HPV vaccine should be left to the parents, their children, and their children's children.

DahBoner September 17, 2011 at 5:56 pm

HPV: If it don't kill ya, it'll make ya stronger….

Dudleydidwrong September 16, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Good Christ! From the reverb I think that was recorded at one end of a long tunnel. Now I know that the light at the end of the tunnel is Michele preaching more stupidity. Too bad a train didn't come along and wipe her out, and the guy holding the Kodak 8mm camera along with her. (Why would they carpet a tunnel? And stand up a fake tree? Strange, these Minnesotans.)

Ayn Rand Paul Tard September 16, 2011 at 8:33 pm

The shiny eyes, the flatter hair, is she transforming into a reptile?

Ayn Rand Paul Tard September 16, 2011 at 8:42 pm

I want to get on this bandwagon where my children are uninsured and I'm damn proud of it. Yoo-Ess-Ay! Yoo-Ess-Ay! Yoo-Ess-Ay!

salt_bagel September 16, 2011 at 8:44 pm

And coming up on Minneapolis Public Access Three: At 2am central, Cassandra's Free Jazz Dance Workshop, and at 230, Lutefisk For You!

El Pinche September 16, 2011 at 8:44 pm

Dis video need sum of dat crony capitalism . Pcch ! Daaayam.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 16, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Here is Michele's first try:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDqY4KO1x8o&fe

Mort_Sinclair September 17, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Somebody else old enough to know anything about SCTV?? :)

proudgrampa September 16, 2011 at 8:52 pm

What?

mumbly_joe September 16, 2011 at 8:57 pm

SRSLY. Did they even try to do anything with the sound, or did they just stick with the laptop's built-in mic on that one? You could seriously tell the precise dimensions of the room, off that echo.

Also, they apparently could only rent the room and the plastic for the one take. At least I hope so, because actual human beings are usually able to punctuate their sentences, after the second take or so; I've seen both Terminator and the Matrix, so I'm well aware of what happens if we accidentally elect a malfunctioning robot wearing a human's skin as President.

Edit: Now that I've watched this terrible thing on my computer, instead of my cell phone (which has better audio quality than whatever they recorded this with), I just have to say: Also lighting, too. Nobody could possibly be confused as to whether Shely is a white lady, no need to make her reflective, also. Egads.

BTWBFDIMHO September 16, 2011 at 9:00 pm

Michele is to politics like Bob is to Discount Furniture.

mumbly_joe September 16, 2011 at 9:17 pm

I really want to listen to this but I tried and I think my speakers are broken. Let me try it on my cell phone.

Aw nuts, my cell phone's broken too.

BarackMyWorld September 16, 2011 at 9:23 pm

Obviously this is her homemade audition tape for Fox News that she'll also use to show them she needs them to also build her a studio in her home.

starfanglednut September 16, 2011 at 10:18 pm

Grifter libel!

Schmannnity September 16, 2011 at 9:24 pm

If this tape were a note, it would have random letters cut from many periodicals.

Schmannnity September 16, 2011 at 9:27 pm

After seeing this hostage tape, God forgive me, but I am ready for some Motel 6 sex. Oops, forgot the 3 condoms.

Dr_pangloss September 16, 2011 at 11:52 pm

Give us a Bucket of KFC, Extra Crispy, Fried Butter and a tub of Corndogs or the mannequin gets it.

FlownOver September 17, 2011 at 6:08 pm

DO NOT WANT!

Not even with yours.

Redhead September 16, 2011 at 9:32 pm

Maybe Michele was just scared that if she dared to do anything as fancy as use a clip, Fox News would come after her too…

Barrelhse September 16, 2011 at 9:34 pm

That's not wall carpet, she's lying on the floor.

Sharkey September 16, 2011 at 9:38 pm

Jennifer Aniston wishes she looked this good.

starfanglednut September 16, 2011 at 10:19 pm

Multiple upfisties for you!

Negropolis September 16, 2011 at 9:51 pm

Hey, Shelly? The 1980's called; they want their VHS dating show tape back, okay?

Shorter Michele: All your souls are belong to us. We are Legion.

user-of-owls September 16, 2011 at 10:15 pm

Don't Worry, Be Loopy.

Negropolis September 17, 2011 at 9:18 pm

Actually, it seems her (and Republicans) message is always and to everything: Be afraid, be dealthy, deathly afraid.

user-of-owls September 16, 2011 at 10:10 pm

Well, she is at least facing the right camera, so there's that.

EatsBabyDingos September 16, 2011 at 10:12 pm

This is easier to watch if you drink 5 Abita Turbo Dogs, turn down the sound, and listen to Cowboy Junkies doing "Sweet Jane." You'll probably still hurl after the 9th one, but hey, I don't have all the answers, just beer.

BeWoot September 16, 2011 at 10:59 pm

Thank you so much for the Cowboy Junkies/Sweet Jane fillip. Now I have a song for all night.

BeWoot September 16, 2011 at 10:48 pm

God, she sound so much like Sara Benincasa, it's uncanny.

What I can't figure out, though, is how they got that "plant" and the cubicle-wall backdrop into the shower for the sound effects.

user-of-owls September 17, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Given the bilious anger that this woman generates in me, seeing her referred to in close proximity to the word "shower" raises some rather unfortunate connotations in my mind.

Oh crap, now I have to do the whole mea maxima culpa thing. Fucking Catholic guilt.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 3:06 pm

Oh, five Hail Marys and an Our Father should take care of it.

lulzmonger September 16, 2011 at 10:49 pm

Futile suckholing to vaxxer/New Ager flakes detected!

Yes, surely this sudden daring gambit to lock up Amerika's vital ex-Raelian, ancient-warrior-channelling, pro-Rolfing demographic will be the September Surprise that puts Stoner Undead Barbie over the top in the GOP & sets her up to win in 2012!

iburl September 16, 2011 at 11:03 pm

"I oppose any Governor or President who mandates a family's heathcare choices."

Wow, Michelle is now "Pro-Abortion".

Gorillionaire September 16, 2011 at 11:22 pm

Gotta admit, she looks pretty fuckable in that. From behind of course.

not that Dewey September 16, 2011 at 11:30 pm

Directional microphones, discernible speech, and unobtrusive backgrounds are elitist. And Michele doesn't need Big Government to tell her what a standard length is for a video advertisement. This is what all television will soon look like.

user-of-owls September 16, 2011 at 11:56 pm

All Worker & Parasite. All the time.

not that Dewey September 17, 2011 at 12:01 am

ENDUT! HOCH HECH!

That would be so friggin awesome that I might actually consider resubscribing to pay television.

user-of-owls September 17, 2011 at 12:18 am

Pay television? In a Worker's State?!

not that Dewey September 17, 2011 at 12:51 am

Foolish me! I'll be in the Gulag, if you need me. When I emerge, frail and wasted, I will expect that television can be injected directly into my skull.

poncho_pilot September 17, 2011 at 12:24 pm

aww! they'll always be my favorite cat and mouse team, too.

Dr_pangloss September 16, 2011 at 11:33 pm

I'm against Government Mandating Healthcare Choices. Except I'll put a government agent in every vagina in 'Merica. As Baby Jesus told me.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 3:09 pm

(Rethinking M2F surgery right soon)

HarryButtle September 16, 2011 at 11:55 pm

That's right, Garth, today's guest is is Michele Bachman. Psychohomophobebitch says what?

valgal2342 September 17, 2011 at 12:32 am

That accent and the way she says family values makes me want to barf.

AlterNewt September 17, 2011 at 12:53 am

"Covered Dish Video Productions".

BZ1 September 17, 2011 at 1:09 am

Perry-care, what now?

gurukalehuru September 17, 2011 at 2:20 am

Eh. Needs more crazy old man throwing a rock in a lake.

102415 September 18, 2011 at 1:36 am

Oh how I loved that one.

anniegetyerfun September 17, 2011 at 2:26 am

Oh, bitch has had work done. Recently.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Shows, huh?

UW8316154 September 17, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Indeed. And lots of it. I hit some still shots from that tape and she hardly looks like the same ol' Shelly to me.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 17, 2011 at 3:59 am

This is what happens when you hire Frank & Al's video service to set up a shoot in your garage.

MiniMencken September 17, 2011 at 5:22 am

Making fun of the disabled is so not cool. Now show me some of that hot Marcus on Michele back door action!

BS4Dummies September 17, 2011 at 5:46 am

Perrycare, Bachmanncare?

Pharmas trying to patent the medical modality of "praying the gay away" as we speak.

Tyrant September 17, 2011 at 7:31 am

It's well known Bachman is hurting for cash, and she probably wont be around much longer.
The only thing that could change that would be a firm No from Palin.

Negropolis September 17, 2011 at 9:21 pm

You know, I don't know. She seems like one of those candidates that seems very genuinely to believe that she has nothing to lose, and while I could see her pulling back her schedule, I think she could effectively just camp out in Iowa (which was her plan all along) for the long haul to play a spoiler. We make a lot of fun of her, but she still could very much win the Iowa caucus. That's the only early primary of caucus she could win, but she could actually win the first blow.

horsedreamer_1 September 18, 2011 at 10:50 am

She's going to be redistricted out of the House, so a primary run is her means of income. She'll end up on a think-tank payroll on 2013, then challenge for MN governor in 2014 or 2018.

Chet Kincaid September 18, 2011 at 8:37 pm

Bachmann on a "think-tank" payroll! They should pay her to stay away, if any actual intellectual activity is being carried out in such an institution.

glamourdammerung September 17, 2011 at 9:57 pm

She just needs to be a bit more overt with the racism and casual bigotry to win over the aptly named "base".

user-of-owls September 17, 2011 at 10:37 pm

Her supporters are a substance that can accept hydrogen ions (protons) or more generally, donate electron pairs?

glamourdammerung September 17, 2011 at 10:43 pm

Not quite, but thumbs up for out-geeking me.

user-of-owls September 18, 2011 at 5:16 pm

If you knew me, you'd realize quickly that for me to out-geek anything other than the occasional confused stoat is high accomplishment indeed.

Come here a minute September 17, 2011 at 8:18 am

Well, I've looked at the tape, and I've decided not to pay the ransom.

Pristine_ODummy September 18, 2011 at 2:27 am

Thank you. (mops brow)

ApplesauceRobot September 17, 2011 at 8:58 am

OT. Is today the day our less jaded brethren occupy Wall Street. And will the revolution be live-blogged?

BlueStateLibel September 17, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Yes and yes. And you'll know when the power goes out and the wailing sirens start.

Negropolis September 17, 2011 at 9:33 pm

So, how many people does anyone thing will be down there? They were shooting for 20,000; I'd guess about two dozen if they are lucky.

mayor_quimby September 19, 2011 at 4:33 am

Si, comrade, vaya con Twitter
#occupyWallStreet

JustPixelz September 17, 2011 at 10:08 am

"I oppose any governor or president who mandates a family's health care choices."

Well, first of all, some families do not have a choice. They have no insurance and — without the health insurance reforms in "Obamacare" — could not get insurance, and for all practical purposes had no access to treatment.

But, secondly, the principle of health care choice applies to abortion in the exact same way Bachmann wants it applied to HPV vaccination. She frames this as a "family" choice, rather than individual to avoid siding with "a woman's right to choose", but it's the same thing.

Also, parents should always remember they are raising the adult, not the child. Their "little girls" will not always be little girls.

Finally, would Bachmann be so adamant if the vaccine were given to boys for an STD?

HempDogbane September 17, 2011 at 10:53 am

I liked Fernwood 2Night better.

Chichikovovich September 17, 2011 at 11:49 am

Happy Kyne and the Mirthmakers would fit perfectly in Michele's video. They must have been too expensive.

smitallica September 17, 2011 at 11:04 am

What is this bitch doing in my cubicle???

Doktor Zoom September 17, 2011 at 11:21 am

Every frame of this movie looks like someone's last known photo. –MST3K, Manos: The Hands of Fate

poncho_pilot September 17, 2011 at 12:28 pm

Freddy Mercury!

Chichikovovich September 17, 2011 at 11:46 am

"I oppose any Governor or President who mandates a family's heathcare choices."

Damn that Eisenhower. 20,000 cases of polio a year are a tiny price to pay for Freedom!

Radiotherapy® September 17, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Exactly, that Ike was a left wing radical, what with his big gubmint road systems, and union support, and calling out the military-industrial-socialism complex.

x111e7thst September 17, 2011 at 11:52 am

Michele seems to be right on the verge of showing a little cleavage. Which is clearly what a good Xtian does when desperation sets in.

mindo99 September 17, 2011 at 11:53 am

They couldn't at least put a wireless mike on her?

Radiotherapy® September 17, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Maybe she opted out? Freedumz!!1!

veritass September 17, 2011 at 12:12 pm

I made it 12 seconds.

SaintRond September 17, 2011 at 12:15 pm

That cunt.

Terry September 17, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Media staff? Shelley probably took advice on this from someone she met in the Stop-n-Go while her tour bus was refuelling.

ProudLibunatic September 17, 2011 at 12:50 pm

OT
Don't be sad, turtleneck, divorce lady.
Look at Kourtney!
She is having a good ol' time!

Warpde September 17, 2011 at 1:32 pm

That's a nice looking tree.
Now if only that thing would get out of the way I could get a better look at it.
Wonder what species it is?
The tree I mean.

not that Dewey September 17, 2011 at 2:51 pm

OT: A friend of mine is becoming a US citizen later this week. From the work memo: "In a first, the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) has decided to conduct the naturalization ceremony at the [redacted place of work, a giant, visually-stunning science facility] site."

Were you all aware that new US citizens are welcomed to/tortured by their new Nation with a rousing chorus of Lee Greenwood? The 1/2-hour ceremony will include a pre-recorded message from Barry, the taking of oaths, and a recording of "Proud to be an American". I did not know that. I can't believe that anyone would still want to be a citizen after having to listen to that.

El Pinche September 17, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Good god , that's awful.

Doktor Zoom September 17, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Shouldn't they at least offer the condemned citizen-to-be a couple of patriokitsch options? At least Kate Smith's "God Bless America" and Ray Charles' "America the Beautiful" don't induce vomiting….

not that Dewey September 17, 2011 at 3:44 pm

I think we'll have one of those, too. And probably a National Anthem. But, still. [shudder]. It's possible that the Director's teabagger secretary chose the program.

Chichikovovich September 17, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Aw Geez. I became a US citizen about four years ago, and the ceremony was really very moving. (I'm not moved easily.) Huge ballroom full of people, old muslim ladies in hijabs, a Sikh guy in turban standing proudly, Africans, Latin Americans, Europeans of assorted flavours, whole families embracing the chance to begin a new life. I heard at least a dozen languages I could recognize, and dozens more that I couldn't place. Absolutely nothing kitchy took place. There was a song – I can't remember what it was, but it was really good. Maybe Kate Smith's classic.

Well, at least Greenwood's song is a kind of banal, blandly inoffensive patriotic schlock. When President Perry is calling the shots, new citizens will be greeted with that "We'll put a boot in your ass, it's the American way" song.

not that Dewey September 17, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Congrats, belatedly! This will just be my friend and his wife, receiving their citizenship together, which is awfully sweet, against a rather majestic backdrop. The USCIS Agent in charge is apparently willing to make the four-hour round trip to perform the ceremony here (in fact, it was his idea!). I plan to enjoy every minute of it. I suppose we will all collectively grit our teeth and think of England while that song is playing.

FlownOver September 17, 2011 at 6:03 pm

I concur in the congrats, but watch that foreigny-spelling crap. I mean, "flavOUrs?" The gubmint giveth, and the gubmint can damn well taketh away, you latent monarchist!

not that Dewey September 23, 2011 at 1:05 am

The ceremony was terrific! The videotaped message from the President crossfaded right into the Lee Greenwood thing, at the exact moment that my daughter announced that she had to go to the bathroom. Win-win!

Story and pics: http://www.nrao.edu/pr/2011/citizens/

glamourdammerung September 17, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Odd since Lee Greenwood did not love America enough to go to Vietnam.

not that Dewey September 17, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Yeah, but that was in the PAST, man. We've got to move forward, towards all that new cheap jingoistic pablum that we can foist onto the impressionable rednecks and teabaggers, and get rich and debase the music industry in the process! Freedom!

glamourdammerung September 17, 2011 at 10:00 pm

It might be in the past. But so are a lot of thinks the scumbaggers bring up on a regular basis, so it is only fair and decent to point it out.

not that Dewey September 17, 2011 at 11:01 pm

Oh, I know. I was riffing on the general-form argument that Cheney, et al. advanced when called upon to explain why they hadn't served in Viet Nam while simultaneously smearing Gore and Kerry, who actually HAD served. Typical knee-jerk Republican response to criticism of themselves is "why are you living in the past?", while using their opponents' pasts as bludgeons.

user-of-owls September 17, 2011 at 10:31 pm

Ooo! Ooo! I still have my copy of Staff Sgt. Barry Sadler's huge (and sadly, only) hit from that PAST. If I FedEx it, will it get to you in time?!?!

not that Dewey September 17, 2011 at 11:55 pm

Whoa, whoa — I'm a child of Nam-era pacifists. I was born in '68 and am in no position myself to cast judgement on people who did or did not serve in that war. Many of my parents' friends did go, though my parents themselves actively avoided it. And they certainly didn't cheer on the idea of sending other people's sons and daughters into a war, a la Greenwood, or actively send other people's children to die, a la Cheney.

Sgt Sadler in no way appears to be hypocritical about his convictions. As glamourdammerung pointed out, he was writing from a vastly different perspective than Greenwood, an armchair-bound war cheerleader (but not actually a draft-dogder — 3A deferment). It's the hypocrites I can't stand.

mayor_quimby September 19, 2011 at 4:14 am

Is that the final test? If they say Fuck This Sht, they get sworn in, otherwise GTFO?

not that Dewey September 19, 2011 at 9:37 am

"How prepared are you to deal with the fact that your countrymen-to-be are assholes with bad taste?"

They need a question like this:

Your are vacationing with your family at Mall of America. Three 400lb persons approach, wearing flag shirts and riding hoverrounds, completely occupying the hallway. Do you

a. Duck into Aeropostale and wait for them to pass,
b. Engage, calling them out on their bizarre behavior, or
c. Jump over the railing and land in the Verizon kiosk, taking one for the team?

SheriffRoscoe September 17, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Needs more "We solve your tax problems! Call the number on your screen today!"

Chichikovovich September 17, 2011 at 3:22 pm

"Do you get income from a structured settlement or annuity, but you need cash now? We can get the money you need in your hands within a week!"

not that Dewey September 17, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Ha!

IT'S MY MONEY AND I WANT IT NOW

flamingpdog September 18, 2011 at 1:59 am

If you're going to quote the closing statement in the Tea Party national platform, you ought to at least give them credit.

BadassKitty September 17, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Perrycare? Or pericare? As a nurse, I do a whole lot of pericare on my patients who are unable to wipe their own asses. I guess the word works either way since I doubt either Bachmann or Perry are capable of wiping their own. Or even finding their own with the assistance of 2 hands and a flashlight.

Chichikovovich September 17, 2011 at 3:53 pm

I think Perrycare is what dentists give when they are trying to fight Perrydontal disease. You know, like a root canal or something. Or maybe it refers to Perrytonitis – diseased and festering viscera. Lots of plausible interpretative options.

UW8316154 September 17, 2011 at 3:55 pm

I'll bet Marcus knows a thing or two about wiping his ass.

102415 September 18, 2011 at 1:48 am

Thank you for that.

flamingpdog September 18, 2011 at 2:01 am

Perry and Bachmann are asswipes.

102415 September 18, 2011 at 10:45 am

The question is whose ass are they used for wiping?

REliseD September 17, 2011 at 3:45 pm

It's awful and cheap and sad–and it's perfectly targeted to her Walmart-loving demographic.

hjmarsh September 17, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Michele Bachmann's video is called "No to Obamacare and Perrycare. I don't think she or her staff realize that peri-care (pronounced like Perry) is already a term used in the healthcare field. It is a term that stands for cleansing the genital area (perineal) area mostly after incontinence. Re-watch the video with that in mind.

antispandex September 17, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Bachmann…cheapest-looking campaign ad… video. I was hoping for so much more.

DahBoner September 17, 2011 at 5:55 pm

"This looks like an ad for vacuum cleaners or discount bulk-rate catheters or something, and she’s slurring her speech more than usual"

Is this an advertisement for an "Itch-a-Bitch"?

not that Dewey September 17, 2011 at 6:22 pm

Five-eight-eight-two-three-hundred…

benjo765 September 17, 2011 at 6:24 pm

" – And our kids taking drugs, recreational or not, thats not right.
As President, I want You to know that I'll be running the show,
running it right out of this fabric-lined insane asylum cell –
- NOT out of some uppity DC devil mansion.
…Now where the hell did I put my pill bottles?"

johnnyzhivago September 17, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Bachmann Campaign Needz to order at least $20 lavelier mike from BestBuyz!!!!!!!

Using the built in mike on your iPhone is not going to cut it!!!!

johnnyzhivago September 17, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Production value high point: They used a tripod….

mumbly_joe September 18, 2011 at 3:12 am

Are you sure that's a tripod? I assumed it was just a macbook on a desk.

DustBowlBlues September 17, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Okay, i'm late to the party and probably this has been brought up but, really, can that bitch stitch together anything political that isn't based on the fact she has fucking kids?

102415 September 18, 2011 at 1:51 am

No.

flamingpdog September 18, 2011 at 2:10 am

Has anyone ever actually seen these kids? Or are we just relying on the word of a paranoid schizophrenic that the exist?

mumbly_joe September 18, 2011 at 3:09 am

My fave is how every time she mentions her kids, there's a different number of them. It's like McCain and his houses, only with crazy, instead of super-rich and senile.

Chichikovovich September 17, 2011 at 7:35 pm

"I oppose any Governor or President who mandates a family's heathcare choices."

I'm glad you feel that way, Michele. 'Cuz my old uncle Jean-Guy's choice to treat his glaucoma is to smoke plenty of weed.

(OK, OK, not his glaucoma. Just to treat the condition of not-being-high.)

DustBowlBlues September 17, 2011 at 7:40 pm

As an aside, but about head-up-their-asses Repubtards: during elections, people always have ideas for the perfect campaign ad–which usually make no sense to anyone but them. On the way to town, I had the same kind of thought as I was listening to Market Watch telling me the end of the world was nigh.

It occurred to me that there must be footage of Junior Bush promoting his tax cuts. If someone came up with him saying "job creators." If so, there would be some gold in throwing the current Repubtards on a video saying "jb" creators then morphing into him.

As you were. Back to making fun of Bachman. Except, she's so stupid and comical, it doesn't take much.

Madam Killjoy September 17, 2011 at 7:41 pm

Okay, totally OT, but I've seen some (two) comments on Facebook (I know) alluding to "the lefts video game for killing tea party patriots!" (need I say sic?). As a lefty leftist who subscribes (snail mail, tree killer version) to several lefty publications and who also haunts most lefty websites to the point of expecting to be rounded up early if and when you know what goes down, I feel compelled to question this. Mother Fucking Jones asks me to donate daily but no one is trying to sell me a game in which I can shoot stupid corporate stooges bearing misspelled signs? WHY HAVE I NOT HEARD ABOUT THIS?

imissopus September 17, 2011 at 8:32 pm

It's semi-true. Someone made an online game in which you walk around shooting right wingers who have turned into zombies:
http://teapartyzombiesmustdie.com/

It's far from a good game but it's just the sort of thing that would cause the righties to shit themselves. So in that sense, it's pretty awesome.

Madam Killjoy September 17, 2011 at 8:36 pm

I thought everything short of white bread caused the right to shit itself, but thank you, o wise penguin, for your servicey assistance!

glamourdammerung September 17, 2011 at 8:48 pm

Tell them that they are "surveyor marking" teatards and to stop being crying bitches about "political correctness".

mumbly_joe September 18, 2011 at 3:10 am

"With votes", also too.

glamourdammerung September 18, 2011 at 3:27 am

Exactly. Or just ask them if they have an issue with candidates threatening other candidates and when make up nonsense to justify their side's stupidity (because it is only one side where the violence is mainstream, despite lies about how "both sides do it"), offer to give them a tissue for their fragile hurt feelings.

horsedreamer_1 September 18, 2011 at 10:58 am

My favourite U2 song is "Vote the Blue Sky". Bono is so civically minded.

102415 September 18, 2011 at 2:00 am

It's just a game. So what.

mumbly_joe September 18, 2011 at 10:10 am

Meanwhile, Andy Breitbart over at Big Lie had this to say to a Massachusetts tea party group, just recently.

Clearly a poorly produced video game that was roundly condemned as inflammatory and tasteless in liberal circles before it was even on the teabag radar is totally equivalent to publicly expressing a desire to murder liberals, and then clarifying that you're completely serious and staying on the topic of a military coup, when your teabagger audience laughs and tries to steer the conversation back to politics, and away from violent purges of liberals.

glamourdammerung September 18, 2011 at 7:54 pm

Kind of like how some random asshole on a blog making a stupid post is the equivalent of GOP candidates and elected officials advocating violence. I will admit that I find Breitbart's outburst very strange considering I do not know any conservatives personally that are young enough to still cause trouble and served in the military (they all had "other priorities"). I also find it very strange that Breitbart and his cultists still cry about Homeland Security rightfully pointing out that most of our domestic terrorism is done by far right-wing nuts and then will still spew stupidity like that link.

tardsploitation September 19, 2011 at 8:38 am

Andy is just pissed that they didn't include him as a fat bloated drunken rightwing zombie who just walks around making undead turds in that crappy 3D landscape.

donner_froh September 17, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Infomercials for useless, poorly made and probably toxic products have really gone downhill.

horsedreamer_1 September 18, 2011 at 11:00 am

Marcus and Michele remind me of the lead marriage in Franzen's Freedom, after a personality switch with the neighbor couple.

subsum September 18, 2011 at 10:29 pm

I'm not watching that fucking video.

Beetagger September 19, 2011 at 12:32 am

Michelle Bachman: Fighting crony capitalism by not supporting the video production industry since 2011.

DemonicRage September 19, 2011 at 6:10 am

Snark at her as much as you want. I get the feeling she would stop drone attacks on Pakistanis, which would probably end a little bit of the emnity directed towards the US.

baconzgood September 19, 2011 at 8:51 am

NEEDS MOAR REVERB!!!!!

not that Dewey September 16, 2011 at 10:37 pm

That would be a bridge too farfalle.

user-of-owls September 16, 2011 at 10:45 pm

Is that the pesto you can do, Dew?

not that Dewey September 16, 2011 at 11:12 pm

Orzo it would seem.

imissopus September 16, 2011 at 11:45 pm

We should ask her about this. Hey Michele, a penne for your thoughts?

user-of-owls September 16, 2011 at 11:48 pm

That would be pici!

not that Dewey September 16, 2011 at 11:55 pm

She's greedy and unpredictable. I cannoli imagine how she would respond.

imissopus September 16, 2011 at 11:59 pm

Done. Pizza cake!

Radiotherapy® September 17, 2011 at 12:20 am

Hey Owls, I hear Palin is a big fan of vermicelli, and hot sausage. Hoo knew?

Radiotherapy® September 17, 2011 at 12:06 am

Butt wait, a little bananas foster as her just desserts.

Radiotherapy® September 17, 2011 at 12:26 am

Enhanced busing?

not that Dewey September 17, 2011 at 1:02 am

Harsh barnstorming.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Go for it, poncho. Maybe you can get Michele to hire you as her sound engineer?

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Ah bleev ah maght have misunderestimated your snarktacity.

PS: You're not related to Ed Gein, are you?

poncho_pilot September 17, 2011 at 3:41 pm

too awesome. and all i can think of now is this:
http://youtu.be/mRwGqf2glDs

poncho_pilot September 17, 2011 at 4:28 pm

I'M i'm i'm im
MICHELE michele michele michele
BACHMANN bachmann bachmann bachmann

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 4:56 pm

I predict great things for the Michele Bachmann For President Campaign, chief sound engineer Poncho_Pilot.

not that Dewey September 17, 2011 at 6:00 pm

He was going to "donate" some of "his" bone marrow, but it turns out it wasn't a match.

Barb September 17, 2011 at 6:29 pm

I agree with your feelings on Hillary. What irks me is that Walnuts thought that Sarah would sweep in and take the Hillary vote.

not that Dewey September 17, 2011 at 6:36 pm

That's a hell of an epiphany, isn't it?

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 6:39 pm

I found that very insulting to women on the whole, and to Hillary herself in particular. To think that her entire career of stellar achievement should be equated to a pair of pert buns and boobs and fuck-me pumps! That intellectual lightweight being treated by McCain as the equal of Clinton and the "hook" with which to attract female voters revealed McCain's — and the Repuglican Party's — true opinion of women.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Not once in all these months of snarkage have I been chid with the admonishment "Too cruel." I almost miss it enough to visit HuffPoop. Almost.

SexySmurf September 17, 2011 at 7:14 pm

The SS hat is a nice touch. Come to think of it, Michele would look pretty damn hot in one (a la Charlotte Rampling in The Night Porter).

imissopus September 17, 2011 at 10:36 pm

Hey, is that Mitt Romney taking the oath of office?

Nope! Chuck Testa.

flamingpdog September 18, 2011 at 2:07 am

The girl in the bed is cute. I'd be happy to stuff her.

102415 September 18, 2011 at 3:25 am

Am I the only person here who actually did do some taxidermy work back in the 70's? I wonder.

not that Dewey September 17, 2011 at 7:25 pm

Perhaps if my spleen were on fire and there were roofing nails coming out of my pee-pee, then I might go to Huffpoop to see what kind of magnetic bracelet I should use as a remedy. Other than that…

the_problem_child September 17, 2011 at 8:55 pm

Funny, in the 2+ years I've been commenting, I don't think I've ever been chid either. Apparently I am "lamestream" wonketteer.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 7:28 pm

I broke down, went over there to kick the shit out of someone who dared to question my wisdom, and have returned, shamefaced, to the fold. It's deteriorated into a slightly jazzier version of AOL. I bleev it's not long for this world.

Chet Kincaid September 17, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Get an autopsy room, you two.

donner_froh September 17, 2011 at 10:30 pm

Get the Dick Cheney signature brdshot load, just made for shooting people in the face and having them apologize to you.

Barb September 18, 2011 at 2:28 am

Dear Neilist,
"distract the Wraith Of Neilist"
Did you just speak in third person? *shiver*
Your post mentions lots of guns. I've met many interesting people in my travels and never once has the subject of "what kind of firearms do you have?" entered the conversation.

Neilist, may I ask you to, please, tell me what you did this weekend? Without calling us "pinko….skum" Take a deep breath and shake off the rage for a moment and bitterness aside, what did you do this weekend?

I grilled a steak and got super clever with a new sauce that tasted like feet, truly. It was gloppy and grossed me out. It was a waste of good mushrooms.

Just focus on me and tell me what you are thinking without calling my friends names, please. What's on your mind? Do you follow football? What team are you rooting for?

glamourdammerung September 18, 2011 at 3:11 am

Politely ask Chuck if he is a "c**ksucking fa**got who takes it up the ass," because the only guys I know who wear SS uniform parts or insigna are gay leather boys in S.F.

There are quite a lot of closets in white supremacist groups. Usually full of guys doing guys.

flamingpdog September 18, 2011 at 1:55 am

ntD, you're a young pup – I thought you were an oldz like me! I still have my copy of "IV-F: A Guide to Medical, Psychiatric, and Moral Unfitness Standards for Military Induction", revised edition 1971. And a copy of Barry Sadler's "Ballad of the Green Berets".

glamourdammerung September 18, 2011 at 3:23 am

As someone that lost family members there, I will admit I am a bit harsh about the chickenhawks. Honestly though, without a proverbial dog in the fight I am certain I would have the same level of disgust as the current crop of conservative chickenhawks inspire the same level of contempt.

But when President Obama's elementary school records are somehow a national security issue, then his detractors adult records of cowering a cause they cheered on is an appropriate point to bring up. What is sauce for the goose, is sauce for the "had other priorities" gander.

Pristine_ODummy September 18, 2011 at 2:36 am

I think the Wonketz is just hospitable to Teh Eebil Snark. Which makes me very happy, in a sick and twisted sort of way.

Pristine_ODummy September 18, 2011 at 2:52 am

She's a dynamo, our Michele.

Pristine_ODummy September 18, 2011 at 2:54 am

Ah! Thank you.

mumbly_joe September 18, 2011 at 3:05 am

If we're talking about states that went for Obama but will definitely be battlegrounds thanks to the confluence of factors above, add Michigan, Florida, Nevada, and (God forbid) Wisconsin. Honestly, I suspect the voter suppression efforts that have happened across all of those states are going to end up being a much bigger factor even than base effects.

Neilist_Returns September 18, 2011 at 3:17 am

You didn't discuss guns with foreigners? Gee. Where did you travel? I'm no linguist, but even I can ask, "Is that loaded?" in seven different languages.

On the other hand — or barrel, if you prefer — firearms are the Universal Language. For example, "AK-47" is spoken in virtual every location on Earth.

And what did I do this weekend? Well, up to Saturday night it has been three hours (combined) of guitar lessons/music theory; about six hours in the office working on some briefs; some cooking (albacore steaks with black sesame seed coating, with a fresh basil pesto dripped on top; with red potatoes and humus); and re-watching the latest "Sherlock Holmes" DVD (which has a few moments, but largely is an abomination to any card-carrying member of the Baker Street Irregulars).

Oh, and mocking Communist Liberal Pinko SKum on Wonkettee. Particularly the Concerned & Caring CLPSKs. They're the WORST.

Finally, re "following football." American "football"? Why, no, I'm not a homosexual. Why do you ask? (Don't only homosexuals follow American football? As opposed to "real" football (i.e., rugby)?

Toodles.

Your pal,

Neilist
Charles Whitman/Lee Harvey Oswald Memorial Professor
Wonkette University of Things That Go "Boom"

Neilist_Returns September 18, 2011 at 3:21 am

Dear God! There's a whole series of "Chuck's Tuesday Taxidermy Tips"!

Here's one that reminds me of Wonkette: "Skull Capping"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkrxTNPjdEA&fe

[Good news, though, Imissopus. As far as I can tell, Chuck-les has not gotten around to penguins — yet.

not that Dewey September 18, 2011 at 9:13 am

So, we're together on this chickenshit chickenhawk business. How was it exactly that Clinton had to fight off charges of draft-dodging, but Cheney didn't? And how was it that Gore and Kerry got even worse treatment than Clinton, even though they actually FOUGHT IN THE FUCKING WAR? They both got accused of "using their special connections to cut their tours short", though I suppose the LSM would think it too "uncivil" to call out the next Cheney on his hypocrisy. Better to let the Democrat get smeared than to risk angering the nutjob teabaggers and chickenhawks. Besides, LSM loves them some war, no matter what flavor it is.

Fuckin Bob "Swift Boat" Perry recently installed my state's present teabag governor (with the help of Sarah Palin, and with their typical slime tactics), and anyone who even brought up this connection during the campaign was accused by the right of "living in the past", "Sore Loserman", etc etc. I was haranguing the one local teevee channel that I thought might not be so easily cowed by the swiftboat bullshit, and they eventually ran one or two critical investigative pieces, but by then it was too late. The meme had been cast. Guh.

Barb September 18, 2011 at 11:32 am

You like Sherlock Holmes? I got a Kindle last month and the very first book I downloaded was "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes."

I thought that I could talk to you like an adult and it seems that I was wrong, eh?

not that Dewey September 18, 2011 at 1:06 pm

And I suppose you want me to get off your lawn!

I'm a textbook GenXer — cynical, underachieving late bloomer. Luckily, my parents always made sure we had lots of 60s music around the house. I don't have that particular single, but I do have plenty of scratchy Colgems Monkees 45s, the "Classical Gas" single, "Hair" by the Cowsills, and a set of original Donovan albums.

flamingpdog September 18, 2011 at 3:38 pm

I have a John McCain scarecrow to keep the younguns off my lawn. HENNNNGGH!!1!

Chet Kincaid September 18, 2011 at 4:20 pm

I call a good, cleansing easement "the scouring of the Shire."

user-of-owls September 18, 2011 at 5:38 pm

In amongst that garden of obtuseness earlier, one point I was trying to make was that the utterly deranged are not necessarily all that much of the base. And two points that make me feel a bit better about Barry's odds next year are: one, if the primaries go to one of the genuine insane people, they will not scare all moderate Rs/independents into abstention but rather push some (a good number, I think) into active 'preventive strategic voting,'; and two, as to the arguments positing that the insane brigades would march lock step behind a loony primary winner, I'm having a hard time imagining all those hand signs saying 'Paultards For Perry!'

Negropolis September 18, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Are you taking all my states above and adding the ones you just posted? Because, if you are, that is simply insane and wouldn't have any basis in reality even under the worst scenario. Obama is fucking statistically tying (i.e. sometimes up by a couple, somtimes down) the Republicans in North Carolina and Virignia month after month. If he's tying them, there, most everywhere else is fool's gold for Republicans, and even if it's not, whatever they are winning matches up toa virtual electoral wash.

There is a realism where you admit both the likely and possible, and then there is just plain pessism. It's like people are forgetting how much ground the Republicans have to defend, now, and how lightning doesn't strike the same place twice, if even sometimes it strikes pretty close. 2012 is not looking like a Republican year, not as schizo as this electorate is.

mumbly_joe September 18, 2011 at 6:26 pm

They're a significant chunk of the Republican base, though, and if you subscribe to the view that elections boil down to getting people of pretty well-established partisanship out to the polls to actually vote, that matters quite a bit, since elections are decided on the margins.

What I'm trying to gauge, honestly, is how many Republicans are likely to be Excited! by a Romney candidacy, versus how many will probably just stay home, and how many Republicans will be Excited! by a Perry candidacy, versus staying home. And the truth is, Romney is much more of a "hold your nose and vote" candidate, even amongst his supporters. And if 2012 holds the level of Democratic enthusiasm that we're seeing now, and if Democrats who try to vote end up being turned away from the polls in record numbers, then lack of Republican enthusiasm is likely to matter.

The other thing is, nominee Romney has the potential to pull a McCain/Palin 2.0: if he wins the nomination amidst listless Republican sentiment, he's probably going to continue to tack right into the General in an attempt to excite that base, and is liable to make some of the same screw-ups that McCain did in the process. Frankly, this is much preferable to Perry, who's likely to try to present himself as a moderate once he wins the nomination, in the hopes of fooling a few people and peeling off Obama votes.

flamingpdog September 18, 2011 at 8:28 pm

The truth of the matter is I've never even been outside the good old US of A., much less to South Molucca, either Indonesia or the Netherlands.

not that Dewey September 18, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Geeky Owl/Confused Stoat 2012!

I think you'd take the independents, Reagan Democrats, Blair Tories, Livni Likudim, and Merkel Greens.

Barb September 18, 2011 at 11:43 pm

Neilist, I read the NY Times and got 80% of the puzzle and handed it off to my hot, hot little biscuit husband to finish while I made eggs Benedict. He got hung on up which Allman brother the clue was asking for. He wanted to go for "Gregg" and it was "Duane."

We skipped lunch and got a pizza and the BIG salad for dinner.

I would consider a personal favor if you would stop calling my friends names, please. Thank you for your consideration.

Then I gave in to my OCD side and cleaned the house and made little mini post-it-notes with all my goals for the week and stuck them to the calendar, adhesive side down. It's usually a 50-50 chance that I nail it the first time.

Pretty, pretty please, don't call the posters here names.

imissopus September 18, 2011 at 11:57 pm

Good Lord, the man is a walking comedy sketch.

Tough to find penguins in or around Ojai, Neils, but maybe someone will bring Chuck one of my brethren from the Antarctic.

Neilist_Returns September 18, 2011 at 11:59 pm

Oh, this just keeps getting better and BETTER!!!!!

Chuckles "Totenkopf" Testa now is an internet MEME!!!!!!!:
http://1mut.com/nope-its-chuck-testa-meme-collect

Neilist: Once again, a Tendsetter!

Neilist_Returns September 19, 2011 at 12:01 am

'don't call the posters here names. "

I NEVER call the "posters" in here names.

Now, the "poseurs" in here . . . .

[Okay, I'll bite: What was the NYT Crossword clue for Duane Allman?

"Lobotomized By Peach Truck"?

Or something less obvious?]

imissopus September 19, 2011 at 12:01 am

I guess it all depends on whether you're more of a history nerd or a LOTR nerd.

Neilist_Returns September 19, 2011 at 2:32 am

"Did Imissopus just tell that obnoxious asshole Neilist to piss off?"

"Nope. Chuck Testa!"

mumbly_joe September 19, 2011 at 7:42 am

Honestly, I was just listing the the states that are going to be a) probable battlegrounds and b) tougher to win than they were in 2008. All of those states are states that Obama won, and which have swung back into the red (and swung back hard) in their most recent major elections. I just don't honestly see how any of them aren't going to be a hard fight.

Even Wisconsin; the backlash from the left has been significant, to be sure, and I expect turnout to be enormous, but we've also seen Walker and cronies putting their thumbs on the scales in terms of onerous voter restrictions on likely-Democratic demographics, and it also wouldn't be all too surprising if Kathy Nickolaus 'finds' a few thousand Perry votes in the 11th hour. I mean, geez, all of the energy and enthusiasm and voter turnout wasn't enough to get Prosser removed from the bench, so it's pretty tough to treat even that state as a shoo-in.

As schizo as the electorate is, it's important to keep one thing in mind: first-time voters, a group that broke heavily for Obama and whose margins helped put him over the top in several states, aren't going to be there, for several reasons. First and second, there's the fact that he's an incumbent candidate with a low approval ratings- it's dubous that many people who don't vote or seldom vote are going to be as enthusiastic now as they were in 2008. But thirdly, again, is the voter suppression efforts in multiple battleground states: a huge chunk of people who would have been first-time voters in 2008 are simply going to be turned away at the polls. To say nothing of the diminished ability to register new voters in advance of 2012. Republicans took the ACORN thing and ran it into the ground, politically, but they also got everything they could have asked for, in terms of vote suppression, in the process.

I would love to be proven wrong, really I would, but I do suspect that what we're going to see is that polling doesn't actually matter much, if a decent chunk of one group of respondents' votes don't count.

user-of-owls September 19, 2011 at 3:13 pm

While it's clearly a dream ticket, there tend to be problems when the first candidate routinely devours the second candidate whole.

Wait a darn minute…that's the Republican primaries right there, it is!

not that Dewey September 21, 2011 at 1:09 am

Too much awesomeness. I've had "Waterloo Green" stuck in my head for two days now.

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