New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg is one of those hard-to-find-in-the-wild species of reasonably moderate politician whom we usually listen to (not really, but play along) just to hear someone “in politics” say something that is not completely batshit once in a while. He is not insane, is what we are saying. So take note of his latest statement, heathens: Bloomberg ominously predicts that “what happened in Cairo” is around the corner for America. PANIC? What does this mean? Is he predicting that Anderson Cooper is due for another beat down from a roving band of hoodlums? Close, but no: he is predicting that the dismal unemployment situation in America is finally reaching a critical mass terrible enough to tear America’s wasted, jobless youth away from its game of Farmville long enough to wreak havoc in the streets. We sort of doubt this, but…sounds like fun?
From NY Daily News:
“We have a lot of kids graduating college, can’t find jobs,” Bloomberg said on his weekly WOR radio show.
“That’s what happened in Cairo. That’s what happened in Madrid. You don’t want those kinds of riots here.”
In Cairo, angry Egyptians took out their frustrations by toppling presidential strongman Hosni Mubarak – and more recently attacking the Israeli embassy.
As for Madrid, the most recent street protests were sparked by widespread unhappiness that the Spanish government was spending millions on the visit of Pope Benedict instead of dealing with widespread unemployment.
Of course, Egypt’s unemployment rate when the riots started was more like 25% as opposed to America’s 9.1%, and Spain is just plain full of socialists, but hey, it’s always possible Farmville will just up and crash on its own one of these days. Then, watch out. [NY Daily News]
{ 208 comments }
C'mon you kids: put down that Wii controller, get out there and loot some liquor stores. After that it'll all be fine.
Pick up a Playstation controller. Way harder. As a bludgeon, I mean.
Unless they're black. Don't be gettin' your kids all shot and everything for foraging WB, dood.
Well, finally. I have all these rioting supplies and nowhere to use them.
Duct tape and plastic sheeting?
Sack of doorknobs?
Lowe's has a special sale on pitchforks and tiki torches.
Molotov cocktails for two?
I think I saw a Groupon for that!
A riot is an ungly thing… undt, I tink, that it is chust about time ve had vun.
What knockers!
Roll in zee hay,
Roll in zee hay…
“Woof!”
"Ah, Sweet Mystery of Life,
At Last I've Found You…"
HA HA! My stockpile of Amero's will finally be worth something.
WHOSE THE FOOL NOW LIBRULS??!!11!!
Officer, please, for God's sake, they're looting the Food King!
I'd like 10,000 marbles, please.
You can take your thumb out of my ass anytime, Carmine.
ROAD TRIP!!1!
My advice to you… is to start drinking heavily.
He's just fishing to get more DHS money.
Damn, all the crackers in my Y2K™ survival kit have gone stale.
That actually made me laugh involuntarily. Good one!
Lotz o' crackers south of the Mason/Dixon Line, but most of them are beyond their expiration date, too, also.
I got my 2012 apocto-rations. I'm good here.
You could say the same of those living in Redneckia.
The problem with Bloomberg's theory is that the average Egyptian or Spanish College graduate is in good shape and has time to riot. The average American college graduate will be too busy eating Cheetos and playing Madden to make it into the streets, and even if they do, they will be winded after throwing the first Molotov Cocktail at the local McDonalds.
Not to mention Gear of War 3 is coming out next week, and that's bound to distract the little whippersnappers.
Oh come now. It's always the college kids leading riots because they can't find jobs.
But they're more robust than either C company 2nd Rangers (or was it 914. Grenadier-Regiment/352. Infanterie-Division?)!
One word: riotscooters.
Didn't you hear Fox News? If you have a video game console and/or TV, you're not poor.
Not to mention that they will try to first drink the Molotov Cocktail. Hey, I sense a marketing opportunity.
Hey kiddies, here's a helpful hint:
Start here, here, and here. PROTIP: Don't forget your pitchforks and torches.
Wouldn't be the first time one of Cantor's offices is attacked.
how the eff are you forgetting this !
Much upfisty for revealing the really needy.
I actually sent Cantor an e-mail the other day to tell him what a swine he is. Surprisingly, I've received no response.
Can't imagine why that is. Given that he's hanging around with people who probably refer to him as a kike to his face, he can't possibly be too thin-skinned.
Nah dude (dudette?) Republicans are all good with the Jews. Or, at least they're all good with Israel. That is to say, they're all good with anything that promotes the "white" people (Israelis) over them damned Mozzies. As long as Cantor does right by AIPAC, he's alright with the GOP, even if they don't let him into their country clubs.
They're fine with Israel, but they hate and despise the Jews. They believe that their sky fairy wants all Jews to return to Israel, convert to Christianity, and die in the ensuing Rapture. And, as you so astutely point out, they wouldn't dream of letting Jews into their clubs (schools, homes, whatever).
Riots, chaos, mmmmm. Sounds like that increasing entropy thing once again.
You build bridges, they fall down, who can explain it?
You educated kids, you fill them full of meth and they become Trappist Monks. Well, perhaps not so much.
Leonard Cohen* became a Trappist monk for some years. While he was gone, his manager stole all his money. That's why he had to start touring again. I take that as a lesson learned.
____________________-
One of so many great singer-songwriters from the Frozen North. Others include Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Gordon Lightfoot, Van Morrison (Northern Ireland Division), Joni Mitchell, etc.
What's Bloomberg thinking? We don't riot over things like an oppressive government and an insular oligarchy exploiting the lower classes. This is America — we riot over the last Tickle Me Elmo or being taxed to death when our taxes have been getting steadily lower over the last decade.
For corporate taxes, they've been going down the last 60 years.
Missioni selling out at Target!!!
It's mine! Move over so I can jam my hoverround into yours!
or when our sports team wins/loses the big game.
Sans culottes replaced by basketball shorts.
The NBPA is on lock-out. Perchance a Kobe shall lead us.
If the lockout isn't resolved, things are going to fall apart about 3 weeks after the Super Bowl.
Professional sports: the opiates of the masses.
Sabot-age replaced by AirMax-tage?
Fat chance, I’m not saying never but we are about as far from having an engaged youth as Bloomberg is from winning significant evangelical support.
Not to mention that the unemployment rate is much lower among the college educated.
Goonie, that comment was the bonnest of mots.
But, Jah, is that comment not da bottest of mons?
Natty spoonerism, Owls.
Jah! Pastafari!
Didn't a Roman Catholic just beat an actual Orthodox Jew in an orthodox jewish district?
The jews only voted that way to protect their wealth. – Waxman.
After the revolution, we'll shoot Bloomberg last.
Last of the billionaires, anyway. But before the first of the mere hundred-millionaires.
Fair is fair.
Also, I want to be assigned the the Paul Allen detail in the revolution; there's a hella guitar collection to loot when the shit goes down.
Can we defenestrate? Please, please, please!
that really is one of the best words ever.
As a defrocked monk, I say, it is a Prague upon the language.
Now that is something you don't see every day….snark referencing the 30 years war. Why I love our Wonkette. And of course, when they were defenestrated, they landed in a pile of shit, which broke their fall, and allowed them to escape unharmed. There is a lesson in here somewhere….or is that just the Gin and Tonic speaking?
Messy streets are safe streets?
Disirregardless, as they say in some of our finer institutions of higher learning, I'm enjoying it. Pray, continue.
still have hard feelings about being thrown out of a window?
they just can't handle the pane.
I want to make some joke about a Belgrade curve, but it'd seem silly, now.
Belgrade? Look farther east for jokes if the Westfalia.
Good luck finding any Protestant Princes in Manhattan.
What about 250,000 Jewish Princesses, instead.
Oy! What about all the Jewish Princes?
I thought you could only really do that in Prague.
What good will it do? All the Czechs just bounce these days anyway.
And with the bounced Czech, all we are left is Hungary. But, there is always Sofia.
“We have a lot of kids graduating college, can’t find jobs,” Bloomberg said (emphasis mine)
This wording still makes it sound like our unemployed are victims of their own ineptitude, like "can't find his way out of a paper bag" or "can't find where she left that batch of coupons.".. Rather: THOSE WHO COULD HIRE, WON'T. There, that's more like it.
Memo to Bloomberg: we need to identify solutions; the problem's already been identified to death~
Memo to Bloomberg. You're a fucking billionaire. How about spending a few hundred mill to "create jobs"? Then we'll be too busy working to riot, dipshit.
Are you saying that rioting isn't a solution?
Not to a lack of jobs as such, no.
Americans riot only when the darks threaten Our Way of Life, so I don't see why Bloomberg would think people would riot.
He might be remembering the draft riots in New Yawk City during the Civil War. Mebbe Obama just needs to issue a draft notice to every unemployed 18-26 year old in the country, except for the ones in the top two percent, of course, and see if that does the trick.
The government must cut unemployment benefits NOW and spend the money saved on weapons so that when the riots come it will be ready.
CAN WE PLEASE???? I want to be relevant to history SO BAD.
I know, right? I want to be relevant to history THIS MUCH.
And everybody's got to share in the pain.
"When you start picking and choosing which groups do and do not, that's when it becomes unfair in a lot of people's minds," the mayor said. "But we're all in this together."
Obama didn't create this economic mess, it developed "over long periods of time," Bloomberg said.
Forcible removal of Bloomberg from the Republican Party in 3…2…1…
He gave up his party affiliation a few years back and has been an independent ever since. If I were famous and anybody gave a shit, I would become a Republican just for the pleasure of publicly renouncing it later.
I predict these riots to begin on Nov 6, 2012, but it won't be the college kids…
And it will end three minutes later, when the rioters collapse from cardiac arrest and/or diabetic shock.
Scooter riot!
Kinda surprised we've gone this long.
We've been distracted with The Voice, Charlie Sheen, Kardashians, and Glee.
OK, but there must be something like "Everybody Loves Mustaffa" on in Egypt, no?
But know everything will be different.
Hey! Did you see Anderson Cooper get that spray tan this week?!
I heard he was with Snooki, and, you know, that sounds about right.
This is the Chile model that Herman Cain was talking about.
He's a double-agent!
Enough about Chilean models and more about Argentine firecrackers, prz.
Sparkin'.
Wait, I thought she was Argentinian? Where's Mark "King David" Sanford when you need him?
Nah…aint happn here….we have a stronger police state
However, you get enough governors shitting on the police like Walker, and the police might support the State a bit less.
That's when the gov calls in the state troopers. Hey, didn't that happen before, that one time?
Can you riot via facebook?
You go to riots with the social networks you have, not the social networks you wish to have.
The Founding Fathers would never have upset the status quo.
Watch for that statement to be repeated ad nausem. Non-ironically.
Actually, if you don't define unemployment excessively narrowly in order to lie with statistics, and include things like discouraged workers, our unemployment rate is closer to 17%. Seems like we're getting darn near riotin' time to me, is what I'm saying.
Of course we'll riot. We'll riot because we're stupid and unfocused. If we had a single functioning brain among us, we wouldn't riot–we'd go pay the Kochs, the Paulsons, the Blankfeins and the Haywards of the world a neighborly visit to "discuss" the situation in a clear and unambiguous fashion.
General strikes have a rather decent history of working out well for the workers. Or maybe targeted boycotts.
Bloomberg has a lot of nerve saying shit like this. And throwing Larry David out of New York City.
He forgot London, too. Looking forward to the US flash mob revolution, courtesy of Twitter.
Hurry, Muffy, there's a HUGE scavenger sale at Talbot's!
LOL! @ "scavenger sale"
"Bloomberg threatens overthrow of government – Hello, Gitmo!"
A few strategically placed, cop-generated, decoy flash-mob tweets like:
"Dudes we str8 up took over this Victoria's Secret . git yr asses ovr here"
..and they'll just roll the whole thing up in a couple of hours.
Great, college kids in a panty raid.
Oh, wow, do they still do that kinda stuff?
Riots are job creators.
\
Wait
Carry on then.
I'm not afraid. College kids these days are too wrapped up in their hippity-hoppity music and that EXT drug to riot, dagnabbit.
It's that Snoopy Poop Dog that got them into the EXT drugs, you see.
The riot will extend as far as our hoverounds will take us.
Well, if the commercials are true, we'll be at the Grand Canyon in no time.
Where's Bernie Kerick when you really need him?
If by "riot" you mean "happy hour" then I'm in!
I don't know about Farmville, but FB is getting rid of Word Twist, for which the social order could soon suffer my wrath.
Subsidized internet cafes. That's the way to keep them pacified. Oh, and free factory rehabbed iphone 3gs.
This is what I've been fucking waiting for! Pitchforks, torches, nooses thrown over lamp-posts. Lets Roll!
"Do you smell that!? I love the smell of Molotov cocktails burning down buildings in the morning! It smells like…….Victory!"
The CNN coverage of the rioters' Twitter feeds would be epic, though.
youth in the streets? only if there is a Stanley Cup losing game and Gap stores to burglarize …
I was wondering where Bloomberg got that gi-tar that I was hearing today.
"Economist John Williams from Shadowstats.com said in his latest report government accounting gimmicks made the economy look better than reality. He says, “The weak data—now rattling the markets and consensus expectations—reflect some catch-up from the extremely poor quality of economic reporting in recent months. . . . The current intensification of the economic downturn is real, but the happier news of late-2010 simply was not as strong as earlier indicated.” And as far as the “official” unemployment number of 9.2%–forget it because it is a big fat statistical lie. The number for the real unemployment rate for 2011 right now jumped to 22.7%! (if unemployment was done the way BLS did it before 1994.)"
Short version: real unemployment rate is 22.7%.
Yes, there will be riots.
Yes, We are freakin' doomed.
Buy gold and silver. (Hoard toilet paper for bartering. )
As a savvy investor, I will use the toilet paper for trade, and wipe my ass with the gold bars.
I agree 100%, it is a lot worse than it looks. But why are we doomed? To throw a little shock and awe back at the elite would do this country a world of good.
Hey, Blue –
I am all for throwing shock and awe at the elite.
The problem is, lots of innocents (not members of the elite) are going to get hurt in the process. That's the doom I keep harping on. When supplies of basics are cut off, when prices go through the roof, when people start getting killed, when the hospitals are overrun with injured, sick and dying, the elite aren't going to give a flying fuck.
The elite will do just fine and call upon their security forces to take care of the "problem."
History has shown, time and again, that when you have nothing, you have nothing to lose.
I hope I am totally wrong, but I think the political scene in our country is so bad that there will be little civility and Somalia will end up looking like paradise.
Love,
proudgrampa
speaking as an unemployed person: count me in!!
do they serve cabernet at these things?
No, but I'm sure we have a fine Chardonnay…
they serve a delicious wine called Mad Dog. 2020–i've heard that was a good year.
This is what happens if you actually try to start a riot in this country. So, rioting is effectively outlawed. Sorry kids! And Bloomberg!
If the past is indicative of future behavior we will burn our own neighborhoods and local businesses. But then again sooner or later we will all end up sleeping in a cardboard box. What to do? Go Molotov or Smirnoff?
You can sort of make one with the other.
I'd go with Grey Goose.
Where's Madame DeFarge?
Tweeting is the new knitting.
You called?
There have been numerous figures throughout history who have advocated the poor to riot. I can think of several offhand.
Mother Jones?
After comparing the monatarist systems and high-low charts on age/education/salary, I added an abstract of the average sodium intakes of Spaniards/Americans/Egyptians and divided the relative sums by the percentages of GDP/GNP. The conclusion is clear — American college students are too lazy to riot. They leave that kind of stuff to crazy Grandma and her Teabagger posse.
The revolution will not be gameboy-ized.
I am rich but sympathetic to their cause? How should I mark my estate so they know I'm cool? Perhaps hang up an AFSCME flag?
if your in Wisconsin.
Just put a few kegs of beer out on the lawn for the thirsty passers-by.
He meant it in the way that Rex Reid used to say "Oh honey go see that picture it's a RIOT!"
Hey Bloomy, where were you when the systematic dismantling of this obese country started under Ronnie Raygun? Oh that's right , you were busy making billions doing nothing and merely shuffling papers around Wall Street. Another all-american phony.
I think Bloomberg is sending a message the to the Occupy Wall Street demonstrators that are setting up shop tomorrow.
"We don't want those kinds of riots here" translates to "I know you guys are angry at me and my rich friends but the NYPD really likes to fuck people up, so don't do anything stupid"
Also, I want to go down there but they probably don't allow pitchforks.
Anyone know where l can get some tear gas in bulk?
Probably Aisle 354 at WallyWorld. I mean, they have everything. Everything…
Seriously don't worry about this – Farmville II is coming out in the spring…
Americans are congenitally incapable of rebelling against anything unless they are pasty, pinched, 60+, disabled white trash with compromised dentition who hate fags, blacks, spics, and chinks.
Any attempt to riot in here in New Orleans would quickly devolve into a parade.
Laissez le bon temps seize the means of production!
I like your people.
yes yes,, but instead of tribal militias riding camels and beating the youths, we will have ultra-conservatives riding Hoverround shooting Glock 21
All's President Perry needs to do is draft the youths in the new war against Iran. That would get the indolent kid-idiots off their couches fast enough.
Ha ha ha ha. 9.1%!! Ha ha ha ha.
Hey Bloomers: news flash; I'm not afraid of Al Qaida, unemployment, economic disaster or impending riots. Go sell your cheap George W. Bush Brand of fear mongering somewhere else. Cocksucker!
ttommy will lead us into the wonkette future…
Don't follow me, Flu. At my age “Future” is not a term I often use.
I'll bet you don't buy green bananas either, huh, ttommy?
Bingo!
I'll be the guy on the corner selling glow sticks and grilled cheese sandwiches for 10 dollars apiece.
I'll worry about riots when there are through-the-roof prices for food.
Oh wait, if you're talking about Manhattan…
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! BLOOMBERG WILL DESTROY US ALL!
The Occupation of Wall Street begins tomorrow.
https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=1449370255...
We'll see…
A facebook page invite! Let's see who's going: 6,000 attending, 18,000 not attending, 75,000 awaiting reply.
Yep, should be a happening party.
But they do it in other countries.
Oh man. Oh well, I'm going to check it out anyway. Insert "pitching a tent" joke here somewhere.
If you're going, please stay safe. We'd all miss your very special snark.
Special? Like Trig special?
I'm not as committed as I should be, considering how much bullshit I talk. I went for a few hours this afternoon, posted some pics down in my twatter feed if anyone is interested: http://twitter.com/#!/KenLayIsAlive
But seriously, if you're in NYC it is totally worth going down to check it out. Broadway and Liberty, Zuccotti Park it is now called.
http://maps.google.com/maps?q=google+maps+broadwa...
Goodness, no, you're a lot more special to me than Trig. Good on ya for going. Wish I coulda been there.
To be honest, I'm more worried about the teabaggers shooting everyone/flying their personal planes into everyone than I am about college kids actually protesting something.
True. Those college kids tend to be really fresh, young, idealistic, and generally, not really inclined towards the impressive levels of violence I fondly remember from my yoof.
Remember kids: Always toss your Molotov cocktails underhanded. Overhand or three-quarters may look macho but you will end up as a human torch before you throw very many like that.
No way man. I throw my Molotovs with flair, like Lincecum! If it's worth doing, it's worth doing with style.
So, now Farmville has Dead Rabbits?
I'am new arrive to U.S.A. Please define what is riot you talk? Is riot significance citizenry clamor throughout the land? Then I am possessing some history of these troubled times. So also I will speak on you, use caution and on feet have Nike for the athlete speed and turn on a dime. Good luck and see you later. Alligator. We are admire you spirit.
Networkers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your chain stores, your smart phones, and your snack foods.
Up against the Waldorf, my friend.
Wait, isn't that a salad?
If things don't start getting better, all I can say is that they will have not come soon enough for my liking…
BTW, someone's probably already mentioned it, but 9.1% is a bullshit number, and everyone knows it. I'm not one of those that would add the "underemployed" (in this economy, a job is a job, even a part-time one), but I'd definitely add into that number folks that aren't looking for work. That'd easily get us up to around, what, 15% real unemployment?
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As long as it keeps them out of the damned shopping malls! AND TURN DOWN THAT FUCKING STEREO!11!!
Riots by the middle-class in the United States? Yeah, right!
http://www.youtbue.com/watch?v=BKPoHgKcqag
Don't click on this, ya'll.
Oh shit, sorry, don't know what happened there. It was supposed to be Marvin Gaye's, "Let's get it on" Sorry!
Meh. Just so long as they stay off my lawn.
Well, what would happen if we hit a 1929 like depression?
If we run out of entitlement money (no more EBT, section 8, SSI) then there are sure to be riots.
Bread & Circus I think the Romans call it.
No, the middle class won't riot, so it won't stay 'middle' for very long.
Can I riot later. I'm tired.
Riot supplies? Could they be put up in kits and sold? I sense a money maker here. If someone can tell me what to put in the kit, I'll run out and find an angel investor.
If half the poor rise up, the rich will simply hire the other half to kill them. Jay Gould was right.
Today Yahoo News included a trashy article titled "Where America's Millionaires Live." If that isn't an open invitation to start a Reign of Terror, I don't know what is.
until the last McDonald's shuts down there is no rioting…forget it Bloomberg..
-and this Bloomberg expects students to spearhead this rioting? Same students who can't tell which countries border the United States or who the vice president is?
a friend of mine said….we'd riot once we can't get our daily fix of weed and anti-depressants…
“….goes without saying.”
I've never really understood the whole fundie thing about how Christians must support Israel because it's the Holy Land, even though "the Jews killed Jesus," even though Jesus was a Jew, and it has something to do with the apocalypse, etc., etc.
To me, the "Holy Land" has no more romantic or spiritual appeal than any other patch of sand anywhere else in the world. And playing connect-the-dots with 2,000-year-old superstitions seems like a pretty dumb way to take a stance on geopolitics.
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