Some person at the University of Iowa is suffering whatever consequences one faces when one makes a dumb joke about an all-around insane woman trying her absolute hardest to win America, on the promise of giving everyone cervical cancer popsicles forever.
The University of Iowa is apologizing for a joke on a school Twitter feed that appeared to refer to Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann as a cougar.
Trying to make light of reports of a mountain lion or cougar sighting in Iowa City, the school tweeted Thursday: “I didn’t know Bachmann was in town. Bah-dum-bum.”
The university removed the posting after an inquiry from The Associated Press. It later tweeted an apology.
Iowa spokesman Tom Moore says a staff person was responsible and actions were being taken to “address this situation.”
Bachmann’s campaign released a statement saying she was grateful not to be called “The Old Lady in the Shoe.”
Michele Bachmann is excited to be a cougar, which is a thing you call an old lady who likes to prey on young men. Obviously this was an inaccurate joke, because Michele Bachmann likes to prey on gay men. Anything is better than being the “Old Lady in the Shoe,” though, which is a woman from a story who lives inside of an old boot with her million foster children and gives them soup for dinner before beating them and putting them to sleep. You lucked out this time, Michele Bachmann! [AP]
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One thing Representative Bachmann does not have to worry about being called on Twitter is an effective member of congress.
One L Michele. Calling even pussies into ill repute. Miracles are real.
I still want to hear how this Cougar is going to give us $2.00 gas. Something tells me that it involves the Taco Bell 99 cent menu.
well however she does it, i'm sure it will play well at the "world's biggest truck stop" on I-80.
Are you kidding – she'll put a couger in your tank!!!
Maybe she'll do it Ron Paul style, by putting us back on gold and silver currency instead of fiat (or is it Lancia?) money.
FIAT money indeed. Fix It Again, Teatard!
What's that got to do with Bachmann?
Her plan involves Mecca and a fusion device, doubtlessly.
Dear US Americans,
Please don't use sexual innuendo in relation to Michele Bachman. I'm trying to get an erection here.
Sincerely,
gullywompr
Kristin Chenoweth
Kristin Chenoweth
Kristin Chenoweth
Did that help?
Is she running for office? That might help a bit more.
HAHAHA! Yes.
Those crazy eyes would kill a boner for sure. Pity they can't do that to THE Boner, but hey.
Cougar–maybe.
MILF–not in a million years.
"Minnesotan I'd Like to Forget."
Minnesotan I'd Like to Fire.
Minnesotan I'd Like to (set on) Fire. Fixed
Upfists for alla y'all!
I'm waiting for the official opinion from our nation's valiant PUMA operatives before I consider She1y's ranking on the Cougar scale.
I've seen Cougers and Mrs. Bachmann, you're no Couger.
I've seen Helen Mirren, I've fantasized about Helen Mirren, and Mrs. Bachmann, you're no Helen Mirren.
/fixed.
"And the winner by Knock Out…!"
Yeah, I fantasize about Helen Mirren a lot, myself.
She's just flustered by thoughts of what sex must be like.
She's just flustered by thoughts of what actual sex without a Sybian must be like.
Fixed.
That promotional video was priceless. Once when they zoomed in on the device, it looked like there were some markings scrawled in chalk…like how aviators would write on their bombs before a mission. "Take that, Tojo!" or "To Hitler with love" kind of thing.
Probably Marcus's war cry, "Bend over Tojo!"
Mifune Toshiro played Tojo in the only film I ever saw about Tojo's role in the war. Somehow the idea of Marcus even attempting to say something like that to the famously and radiantly masculine Mifune makes me hysterical.
(Opening a new window to order one of those Sybians, pronto…)
You think us wonkgrrrls can get a bulk rate? I could tell people who visit me that its the newest bowflex.
Sheesh, get ALL the Wonketeers involved, grrlz. Surely the Wonketmen are at least as perverted as y'all and would delight to be surprising the wife/girlfriend/space alien in the bathtub with a new toy.
I'm thinking I should not open that at work, judging by the replies below.
A la Celebrity Math:
Link = Horseback riding – horse + dildo + (mechanical bull / 10)
The old lady in the shoe who had so many children she didn't know what to do. But Michele knew what to do. She cashed those foster child checks from the state while Marcus "ministered" to their precious little souls.
Fortunately, they were not little boys, so he could not minister to any other of their precious bits. I will always (unless someone scoops the entire disgusting scandal soon) wonder WHY Michele specified that she only wanted to foster GIRLs. Why? If you love children, one child's pretty much as acceptable as the next. Gender should never matter.
If those superintelligent aliens out there are tapped into the global twitter feed, there is no doubt that this planet is on the universe's "no intelligent life" list.
Clearly, the Iowa folks were using "cougar" as some kind of newfangled collegiate shorthand for "batshit insane nutcase with the IQ of a moldy turnip"
Uh…hengh…ah hell….
Moldy turnip libel.
Ugh, the poor cubs…nobody wants to score with an old lunatic cunt. I know she's rich off the government teat and all, but still. The pre-coital praying is a boner killer, not foreplay.
I always thought of her as more of a hyena.
Hirsute henna haired hyena.
I like direct eye contact during sex, so she's out.
Wouldn't it be hot looking at your reflection in her enormous pupils as you serviced her? Like setting a full-length mirror up at the foot of the bed. I know it would get me all steamed up…
Isn't that hard on the cornea, though?
Ur doin it wrong.
And the abyss stares back.
then you clearly never go ass-to-mouth
Well, now, she can give you contact with ONE eye! Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good, gullywompr.
Unbelievable! Did you actually just try to imply that sex with Michele Bachmann could in any way be construed as GOOD?!?!?!
I can't be your friend anymore.
Hey, not if I'm gonna lose a friend at the Wonketz over it, dood.
Something tells me you REALLY don't like her, with cheese, a fried egg, and a cherry on top. Ew, did I just say that? Sick.
Wait a minute – fried egg did you say? Hmmm…. Maybe if I put one over each eye, I might be able to keep it up for 15 seconds or so…
I knew I'd seen Bachmann before.
egads…I don't think that would be the site for me unless they had attractive women in their 60s or 70s.
Oh for God's sake, thanks a lot.
What? Old and slow cougars need love too.
Grannyfucker.
Being able to lift one's leg, lick its ass while spouting glittering generalities and gibberish does not qualify one as a beautiful and lithe creation of nature such as a Cougar, sorry.
Photo's?
You are the fearless one, aren't you. Such a sight would turn lesser beings to a pillar of salt, or something.
My cat is very sad to know that.
Bad news indeed! Nothing worse than a depressed pussy.
I'll bet your cat has never spouted as much gibberish as Bachmann.
I believe you have won the afternoon.
My most sincere thanks.
Been trying to think of a cat species that may be a better description, but nope, none of them are hideous, none are as stupid as pig snot, none are as mad as a box of waltzing ferrets, nor as psychotic as Klaus Kinski on crack. Fail.
A rabid Possum on Crank might come close, but I'm not so sure.
Not to pry, or anything, but how, exactly, would you know about rabid possums on crank?
(Are they rich enough to waste crank on the rabid possums out there? I thought crank was a poor-people drug. Rich people do Xanax and cocaine, right?)
Georgians know Possum. Little else maybe, but they know Possums.
I wish I'd seen Klaus Kinski on crack. He was pretty fucking psychotic even without it.
It's ironic that Michele is a cougar because I'm pretty sure she would give me coyote arm.
Jesus, I so love that phrase. And yes, it fits.
Hide it from your staffers to the truth will never show,
Keep it in the pantry with the strap-on,
It's a little secret, just a crazy-eyed affair,
But most of all you've go to hide it from the press.
So here's to you, Madame Bachmann!
Regan loves you more than you will know,
Whoa Whoa Whoa!
God rest you please, Madame Bachmann,
Marcus loves you even though he's gay!
Hay Hay Hay!
Hey hey hey!
MOAR! MOAR!
I can see it now: Michele Bachmann: The Musical, with a score of identical glassy-eyed robo sapiens high-kicking their way through it, their eerily transfixed combined gaze turning the atmosphere a kinky shade of blue.
MILF
"Moron I'd Like To Fuck"
This is bad news for Lou Sarah.
Objectively, being revealed to have knocked boots with a 6'7" 20-year-old black basketball prodigy back in the day fairly trumps blushing and snickering at a cougar reference. But the Glen Rice affair has doubtlessly been overwhelming for her fans, who are probably at this very minute simultaneously weeping, chugging Southern Comfort, and jacking off. So advantage Bachmann after all.
I see her as more of a praying mantis.
Really? I see her as more of a black widow.
A Queen bee……..surrounded by mindless supporters, and serviced by drones…….. Except for that one dreamy nite.
We need to retire MILF. For Shells, she could be: CMFTIWFWYD. (Crazy Mother Fucking Teatard I wouldn't fuck with YOUR dick.)
I approve this translation, and will pay the sum of one dollar in stamps to have it registered.
"the school tweeted Thursday"
first corporations are people and now schools are? with twitter accounts? What kind of fucked up parallel universe do we live in?
And the proper spelling for the past tense is twated, not tweeted.
Today, we are all beards.
Fun facts about the University of Iowa:
It is considered a Public Ivy according to Howard and Matthew Greene's "The Public Ivies: America's Flagship Public Universities".
It is one of the largest university-owned teaching hospitals in the nation.
Iowa was the first American institution of higher learning to accept creative work for academic credit, and developed the Master of Fine Arts degree.
In 1855, Iowa became the first public university in the United States to admit men and women on an equal basis. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/University_of_Iowa
And now this. Go Hawkeyes!
I'm amazed that someone in the Bachmann camp came up with the "Old Lady in the Shoe” comment. That actually displays a rudimentary sense of humor.
"Of course I know what cougars are! It means a woman who takes it in the fart box by their old queeny husbands.. right? Right!?"
Michele, dumbell
These are words that go together well, Sigh, Michele.
Why do you, why do you, why do you
Always exceed the norm
Of craziness and scorn.
I'm telling you because I know that you don't understand
Anything.
Fucking twitter is so fucking stupid.
That's a shame. I mean it wasn't a GREAT snark but it was still a bit funny. Move this guy to Wonkette were he can bash this cunt with the freedom that we allow.
A feline was not what I would have thought to call her, More avian. Like a harpy.
First, the accusation of a "Look at my boobs!" profile pose on her book, and now this? I'm beginning to believe she really is trying to muscle in on Kitty Harris' tertitory.
Mee-yow.
"…Michele Bachmann likes to prey on gay men."
What is with her and gays and praying/preying? I think I'll pray away the pray.
an inquiry from The Associated Press
They don't have enough reporters to cover every time she is called a cunt.
Also, *sigh*
She was as pleased to be referred to as a cougar the way Marcus was pleased (and relieved) to be referred to as a silver fox (instead of flaming queen.)
she call Marcus the old shoe??
"Faghag Couger"
Well..I am old enough to be a grandpappy so granny are fair game.
Hey, that was a TOTES approving use of the word.
And you too, my dear. I always upfist comments that respond to my comments.
Such a mensch!
Good eatin?
Haven't been that hungry, so far…
?
I look forward to th day when Original Wonkette, in order to remain "relevant", is reduced to riding the Syban on Howard Stern's show,
You know … there's motherfucker! and then there's MOtherFUCKer! The first one's an insult and the second one's a compliment.
Ditto for grannyfucker.
ZOMG. Will we all be forced to participate? (looks around for camera, videocamera, cell phone)
And I thought I was sick.
What will you do with the cheese and cherry?
Keep them in the fridge. No use wasting that stuff on her.
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