COLD-ASS JAWAS  3:42 pm September 15, 2011

Dumb NASA Names Frozen Gas Giant Planet ‘Tatooine’ (Because It Has Two Suns)

by Wonkette Jr.

The Kepler planet-hunting telescope has discovered something amazing 200 light years from our own dumb planet: a frozen gas giant about the size of Saturn, which orbits dual stars. So, other than it being a frozen gas giant the size of Saturn, the planet is exactly like the baked desert world of Tatooine from the Star Wars movies.

The official name of the new planet is Kepler 16b, but astronomers are already referring to it informally as Tatooine, after the home planet of Luke and Anakin Skywalker in the George Lucas “Star Wars” movies, which also had two suns. Indeed, a representative from Mr. Lucas’s production company, Lucasfilm, expected to participate in a news conference at NASA’s Ames Research Laboratory in California, Kepler’s home office.

“Reality has finally caught up with science fiction,” said Alan P. Boss of the Carnegie Institution, a member of the research team.

George Lucas and NASA officials are also set to announce that America will be renamed “wherever the fuck Jar Jar Binks came from.” [New York Times]

 
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{ 150 comments }

Barb September 15, 2011 at 3:43 pm

They can name whatever orbits around Uranus, Marcus.

baconzgood September 15, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Tee-Hee

"Your Anus"

AlterNewt September 15, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Tee-Hee

"Marcus"

iburl September 15, 2011 at 9:43 pm

Tee-Hee

"Cured Gay"

bagofmice September 16, 2011 at 9:36 am

Really Commander?

Probing Uranus.

flamingpdog September 15, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Slightly off-topic, but do you know what toilet paper and the Starship Enterprise have in common? They both wipe out Klingons around Uranus.

(Sorry, Barb, but you set me up.)

Radiotherapy® September 15, 2011 at 4:55 pm

do you know what toilet paper and the Starship Enterprise have in common?
They're both for assholes?

savethispatient September 15, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Obligatory Futurama quote:
Professor: I'm sorry, Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all.
Fry: Oh. What's it called now?
Professor: Urrectum.

ShaveTheWhales September 16, 2011 at 1:28 am

Sandy Fagina.

Gratuitous World September 15, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Who could imagine NASA scientists being into Star Wars?!!

SwanSwanH September 15, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Well, yeah. Because Alderaan's been destroyed, dummy.

Bonzos_Bed_Time September 15, 2011 at 3:52 pm

On the real Tatooine, Han shot first.

Come here a minute September 15, 2011 at 3:53 pm

frozen gas giant

It ain't the kind of place to raise your kids.

Preferred Customer September 15, 2011 at 4:12 pm
baconzgood September 15, 2011 at 4:24 pm

SHAT RULZ!!!!!!!!!!!!

Doktor Zoom September 15, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Nerd Confession: I remember a pimply-faced version of myself watching that when it was first broadcast in 1978. Even then, I was embarrassed for Shatner. Since it was a syndicated special ("The Science Fiction Film Awards"–as far as I know, televised just the one time), I thought I was virtually the only person who remembered the damn thing until Family Guy parodied it PERFECTLY.

Gurkman September 15, 2011 at 5:48 pm

I'm pretty sure Ben Kenobi was actually talking about D.C. when he brought a "wicked hive of scum and villainy."

DashboardBuddha September 15, 2011 at 6:26 pm

In fact, it's cold as hell.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 16, 2011 at 1:24 am

And there’s no one there to raise them if you did

Not_So_Much September 15, 2011 at 3:54 pm

This naming is not competing for first place on the list of NASA accomplishments…

Radiotherapy® September 15, 2011 at 4:08 pm

#1 Tang
#2 My avatar
#3 Moon rocks
#4 Dippin' Dots ice cream

MissTaken September 15, 2011 at 4:13 pm

#5 Velcro

ShaveTheWhales September 16, 2011 at 1:29 am

#1 Velcro. What would we do without velcro?

baconzgood September 15, 2011 at 4:20 pm

#6 Fake moon landings.

poncho_pilot September 15, 2011 at 4:24 pm

some of Kubrick's best work.

not that Dewey September 15, 2011 at 4:41 pm

#7 Buzz Aldrin punching that dude in the face

ShaveTheWhales September 16, 2011 at 1:30 am

Possibly the greatest clip ever.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 15, 2011 at 4:51 pm

#8 Freeze Dry Ice Cream
#9 Weightless Sex

Radiotherapy® September 15, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Isn't Dippin' Dots freeze dried ice cream?
But anyhow

#10 Adult diapers
#11 Space junk

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 16, 2011 at 1:25 am
ShaveTheWhales September 16, 2011 at 1:31 am

What, is Tony Weiner in space now?

poncho_pilot September 15, 2011 at 3:58 pm

meanwhile, no flying cars and we're still not doing anything neat like colonizing other worlds because…hey! look over there!

Preferred Customer September 15, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Oh, Wonkette Jr., don't pretend like you don't know it's Naboo.

weejee September 15, 2011 at 3:58 pm

May the farce be with you.

Schmannnity September 15, 2011 at 3:58 pm

A gas giant that orbits two stars? Would those stars be named Palin and Bachmann?

iburl September 15, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Limbaugh?

Schmannnity September 15, 2011 at 10:33 pm

Definitely a gaseous giant ass.

ShaveTheWhales September 16, 2011 at 1:32 am

Nah, Planet Limpballs has lost its attraction to Bachmann.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 7:05 pm

No, but the gas giant might.

Goonemeritus September 15, 2011 at 3:58 pm

But it is sparsely populated.

poncho_pilot September 15, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Ray Comfort has already declared this newly discovered world is only 6,000 years old. because of Jesus.

NorthStarSpanx September 15, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Science Fiction is the Mother of Reality, or is it the other way around?

Schmannnity September 15, 2011 at 4:00 pm

“Reality has finally caught up with science fiction,” said Alan P. Boss of the Carnegie Institution, a member of the research team. "

Laffer Curve? Anyone? Anyone?

ShaveTheWhales September 16, 2011 at 1:33 am

No, no, no. The Laffer Curve is Fantasy, not Science Fiction.

ThankYouJeebus September 15, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Good naming ideas nerds have.

LettucePrey September 15, 2011 at 4:03 pm

America will be renamed “wherever the fuck Jar Jar Binks came from.”

We're renaming America "The Presidio"?

sunmusing September 15, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Somalia

powersuit September 15, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Whoa whoa whoa . . . what's with the Star Wars hate? I think they should have named it Princess Leia, because she's got two . . . because she's dreamy.

SorosBot September 15, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Wait, are you suggesting the planet is zonked out on cocaine?

baconzgood September 15, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Kepler 16b is the name of Baconz first born.

poncho_pilot September 15, 2011 at 4:11 pm

are you Sir Francis Baconz?

baconzgood September 15, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Kevin Baconz. No seriously I'm not. I'd hate to have a stupid name like KEVIN. I'd shoot myself.

Steverino247 September 15, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Don't shoot yourself! You have a whole life of snark ahead of you.

KenLayIsAlive September 15, 2011 at 5:25 pm

I used to work with some dipshit named Kevin. Unfortunately he never shot himself.

Doktor Zoom September 15, 2011 at 7:41 pm

A year or so back, I heard the loud open-window sexytime sounds of my downstairs neighbors wafting through the late night summer air… I'll admit that the voyeuristic semi-hotness of it was significantly undercut when I heard the woman moan, "Oh, KEVIN!!"

"Oh, Kevin" has since become a running gag for me & my Married Lover.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Upfists for adding teh spicy to MY sexaytime.

"Oh, Kevin!" (Did I mention that my idea of sexaytime involves lots and lots of laughing oneself sick? Yeah. That's "foreplay" in this house.

flamingpdog September 15, 2011 at 4:05 pm

In the case of the Kepler 16 system — home to Tatooine — there turned out to be a lot of dips.

Does that mean we can rename the Congressional Republican Caucus the Kepler 16 System?

Biel_ze_Bubba September 18, 2011 at 12:42 am

Maybe they should have named it "Texas". Oh wait, frozen and gassy … that's the other bloated state.

ProgressiveInga September 15, 2011 at 4:06 pm

"A frozen gas giant about the size of Saturn".

I thought this was an article about what Chris Christie would have turned into if he hadn't stayed on vacation during last year's blizzard.

Chillwaver September 15, 2011 at 4:06 pm

This is what happens when you cut NASA's funds – they hire nerds instead of actual scientists.

Pristine_ODummy September 17, 2011 at 7:09 pm

Er … most actual scientists ARE nerds.

metamarcisf September 15, 2011 at 4:06 pm

De plane?

Monsieur_Grumpe September 15, 2011 at 4:07 pm

This planet sounds like a tanner’s dream world. Hey Boehner, have we got a vacation for you!

jus_wonderin September 15, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Aw shucks, you beat me to it. Still, what number sunblock would the rest of us non-orange folks need??

Preferred Customer September 15, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Reality might have caught up with science fiction when we named the first shuttle Enterprise like 30 years ago, but of course that would be acknowledging Star Trek's existence, which Star Wars geeks don't like to do.

GhostBuggy September 15, 2011 at 4:37 pm

I remember when the Smithsonian put up a model of the Millennium Falcon with other air and space craft; that seemed really incongruous to me. I mean, for all its faults, Star Trek at least presents a setting based on things NASA is doing right now, has had astronauts as background extras and so on. Star Wars is just this cool fantasy series about knights and princesses and evil wizards that became terrible and a joke in the modern day.

Okay, so, I'm a nerd! Big deal!

ShaveTheWhales September 16, 2011 at 1:42 am

Star Wars was the first well-done Space Opera, which derives from the term Horse Opera, which many of you younger Wonkies may never have seen, since teevee Westerns (happily, except for Have Gun, Will Travel) decayed into oblivion decades ago, and the occasional big-screen Westerns since then have mostly been a lot more thoughtful.

Anyhow, the cantina scene in Star Wars is a perfect transposition of hundreds of saloon scenes, and if you all can't appreciate that, it's probably because you lack context, and you can also go fuck yourselves.

GhostBuggy September 16, 2011 at 9:16 am

Yeah, the original Star Wars trilogy is a modern re-telling of a lot of different films, and they're really good. When I said "modern day," I meant the prequels, which are completely awful in almost every way.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 15, 2011 at 8:04 pm

Are you talking about the Star Trek wars? Or the Star Wars trek?

baconzgood September 15, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Oh! A Star Wars post on Wonkette. LET THE NERD BEGIN!!!!!!

powersuit September 15, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Um, where have you been?

baconzgood September 15, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Yeah but this is just a throw down for us.

OneYieldRegular September 15, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Don't worry. It'll soon be trumped by someone wanting to name the thing "Planet Trucknutz."

MissTaken September 15, 2011 at 4:33 pm

NERDS? Are you calling us Wonketteers Star Wars nerds?! I'm so offended!

I will now storm off and take my Death Star/Darth Vader Transformer home with me so you can't play with it anymore!

SorosBot September 15, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Hey I've got that one too! It's awesome; I have it set up fighting the giant Masterpiece Optimus Prime on my shelf.

MissTaken September 15, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Mine is currently in Darth Vader mode stabbing my Hello Kitty PEZ dispenser with his light saber.

I have the Hello Kitty to remind myself that I am a girl.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 16, 2011 at 1:27 am

Beam me up Slappy!

baconzgood September 16, 2011 at 9:38 am

Mine's being attacked by Medieval Dead Bruce Cambell standing on the bow of my G.I. Joe aircraft carrier.

(this comment is 100% snark free)

Sharkey September 15, 2011 at 4:11 pm

So next we're going to start building the Death Star?

Preferred Customer September 15, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Start building?

jus_wonderin September 15, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Cheney's new home?

DashboardBuddha September 15, 2011 at 6:29 pm

USS Cheney

Biel_ze_Bubba September 18, 2011 at 12:43 am

Only because USS Reagan is already taken.

Radiotherapy® September 15, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Obama fails again.

Thurman Munster IV September 16, 2011 at 12:28 pm

may the schwartz be with you

Lascauxcaveman September 15, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Hello? Ice planet?

What, was "Hoth" already taken?

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 15, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Or Reagan. Either works, really.

SayItWithWookies September 15, 2011 at 4:18 pm

"Reality has finally caught up with science fiction"

Right — that planet revolving around a binary star system certainly hasn't existed for billions of years.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 15, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Given that the entire universe is only 6015 years old, yes.

SarahsBush September 16, 2011 at 11:27 am

So the person with "Wookies" in their screename just nerd-burned NASA WITHOUT making a Star Wars reference?

WELL. FUCKING. PLAYED.

MissTaken September 15, 2011 at 4:19 pm

I bet the President of Kepler 16b doesn't get shit when he throws back a beer at Chalmun's Cantina

flamingpdog September 15, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Or on his patio with a Marine.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 15, 2011 at 4:55 pm

But has he produced his long form birth certificate?

jus_wonderin September 16, 2011 at 9:10 am

You guys. Everyone knows the President of Kepler 16b was hatched in the second milineum after the Robot Wars and the dawn of the Mystery Schlomb-Codific. He was then encoded with the memories of a Middern fookle and raised as a Ninif.

Geez Folks. Does anybody linq the SweezNet anymore????

Ancient_Hacker September 15, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Hate to be a geek, but dual stars kinda rules out any form of life that we can imagine, or even Alaska.

You see the daily and seasonal temp swings could reach 200 or 300 degrees. Look what a 100 degree swing did to the cerebral, social, and sexual proclivities of Certain Notorious Alaskans.

KeepFnThatChicken September 15, 2011 at 4:51 pm

"that we can imagine"

Well you're no Jesus.

DashboardBuddha September 15, 2011 at 6:29 pm

the fusion of snark and science…well done!

ShaveTheWhales September 16, 2011 at 1:44 am

Well, and there's the frozen gas giant part, too. Although, come to think of it, that's reporter-speak.."Frigid" gas-giant.

Mumbletypeg September 15, 2011 at 4:26 pm

NASA officials are also set to announce that America will be renamed “wherever the fuck Jar Jar Binks came from.”

I went to thumb this, Wonkette Jr., forgetting there are no thumbs for the editors. Sort of like the converse of my overwork-induced haze when, here in the office complex I wearily approach the elevators trying to summon them open by flashing my employee badge at them — w/ its magnetized eye that's elsewhere intended for building access — instead of using the up/down pushbutton on the wall right in front of me.
So yeah, like that. But would thumb that kernel of snark anyways if I could.

baconzgood September 15, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Next up the launching of the Satellite of Love (fingers crossed).

Monsieur_Grumpe September 15, 2011 at 4:33 pm

This is for Mr Baconzgood. Check the cast.
http://www.cinematictitanic.com/

Radiotherapy® September 15, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Tx Monsieur, I'm in for October. I get huge space dollars for taking Mrs. Radio to the theater, and, MST3K rules.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 15, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Ha!
I just scored tickets for tonight!
I am in heaven.
Joy!!!!!!!!

baconzgood September 15, 2011 at 4:54 pm

WHAT NO PITTSBURGH?!?!?!?! The center of the zombie universe?

Doktor Zoom September 15, 2011 at 7:43 pm

That's scheduled for the not-too-distant future, Next Sunday, A.D.

jus_wonderin September 15, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Tatooine Has Two Suns. Isn't that book banned in grade schools across America???

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 15, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Bet the House strips NASA of their funding now.

SorosBot September 15, 2011 at 5:09 pm

I can't believe they're trying to kill the Webb Space Telescope, even as it's close to being finished; that would be Congress' biggest scientific fuckup since they killed the Superconducting Super Collider. They hate science.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 15, 2011 at 8:06 pm

Well, it is a well known fact that science does not work in a Galt inspired world.

ShaveTheWhales September 16, 2011 at 1:47 am

Actually, it would be a bigger fuckup, because at least they killed the SSC before spending mondo Ameros on it. Also, why would we want Texas to get all those munnies?

starfanglednut September 15, 2011 at 4:40 pm

I've been to tatooine, and man, did it hurt and plus it cost me a fortune. Looks great, though. I get compliments all the time.

johnnyzhivago September 15, 2011 at 4:49 pm

If this thing's got gas why the hell aren't we building a pipeline to it.

KenLayIsAlive September 15, 2011 at 5:28 pm

You could say the same thing about Rush Limbaugh.

MissTaken September 15, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Thanks for the image I now have of drilling Rush. EEK!

Biel_ze_Bubba September 18, 2011 at 12:48 am

Screw that … I want to dig here.

KeepFnThatChicken September 15, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Much money as we've spent on that goddamn franchise, Lucas should own our Jar-Jar Binks planet by now.

OT, and speaking of ownership, Facebook funny-person called LOLGOP said this earlier, and I spurted: "The 400 richest Americans own more Republicans than the rest of the country combined."

sunmusing September 15, 2011 at 5:48 pm

No truer statement has ever been stated at…….where am i anyway.
Tatooine?

ShaveTheWhales September 16, 2011 at 1:48 am

Speaking of pwnership…

BarackMyWorld September 15, 2011 at 4:51 pm

If there's a bright center to the universe, that's the planet that its farthest from.

fuflans September 15, 2011 at 4:55 pm

i wonder if it comes with all that wooden acting?

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 15, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Just wait until the Republicans control everything again, and we have NASA selling the naming rights off to corporate America.

jus_wonderin September 15, 2011 at 5:00 pm

And we don't even own it in the first place. That sounds mighty Republican.

DashboardBuddha September 15, 2011 at 6:28 pm

One small step for man…and one giant leap for COCA COLA!!!

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 15, 2011 at 8:14 pm

Today, NASA announced a co-venture to launch a probe to "The Mar's Inc. Planet of Mars." There Probe to the Milky Way (TM) will be launched later this year.

DashboardBuddha September 15, 2011 at 9:24 pm

What about Starburst?

KenLayIsAlive September 15, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Anyone notice that NASA is desperately trying to make itself relevant to avoid being caught up in the Tea Party spending cuts blood bath? I swear, They should rename Google News something like "Planets and some other shit News".

But anyway, those people who need heating assistance can just go move to that planet with two suns, right?

Wonderthing September 15, 2011 at 6:19 pm

"The name "Tatouine" comes from the Berber word "Titawin" which means "sources". The city of Tetouan in northern Morocco has the same root. The word "Tatuin" (pronounced the same) in Spanish also means temporary tattoo, or a skidmark that you often leave in your undergarments."– Wikipedia

Have at it, snarksters.

SexySmurf September 15, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Don't do it NASA; IT'S A TRAP!

randomsausage September 15, 2011 at 7:03 pm

NASA's so lame. If they had any balls they'd have worked out a way to get to Toshi Station and pick up some power converters.

Ken Layne September 15, 2011 at 9:39 pm

NASA can waste time with its friends when its chores are done …. Wait, no more spaceflight, everything else contracted out to JPL … TOSHI STATION GONNA ROCK TO-NITE.

Tundra Grifter September 15, 2011 at 7:11 pm

Is a tatooine a baby girl's first ink?

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 15, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Ask Bristol.

iburl September 15, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Damnit, you beat me to it. I was going to say "Sounds like a Palin baby name."

flamingpdog September 15, 2011 at 11:12 pm

No, I think it Hervé Villechaize's twin sister.

Doktor Zoom September 15, 2011 at 7:51 pm

A representative from Mr. Lucas’s production company, Lucasfilm, also stated that Mr. Lucas has generously offered to assist NASA in digitally enhancing footage of the 1969 moon landings, so that Neil Armstrong's first transmission from the lunar surface is an anguished "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Lucas also looks forward to adding a bunch of cartoony shit that can be spun off into licensed merchandise.

NASA, strapped for funds, is said to be considering the offer.

iburl September 15, 2011 at 9:47 pm

nerd lolz :)

ShaveTheWhales September 16, 2011 at 1:55 am

Do you ever spend a few seconds reviewing your memory, and consider that 42 years ago, with 42-years-ago electronics and shit, and a fucking enormous chemical rocket (i.e., controlled explosion), this country managed to briefly deposit living human beings on our quarter-million-mile-distant satellite, and bring them back still alive?

That seems like fucking science fiction to me now.

Doktor Zoom September 16, 2011 at 11:27 am

As always The Onion has it covered. (Original text version here; I like the adaptation)

mrblifil September 15, 2011 at 9:34 pm

The whole universe is just going to keep expanding until it eventually runs out of fuel, so who gives a shit anyway?

SorosBot September 15, 2011 at 10:44 pm

Those of us who live in the hundred trillion or so years before that happens? Or, if you want to get technical, there will still be fuel in the for about 10^100 years; but the stellar remnants of the degenerate and black hole eras probably won't give off enough energy to sustain life.

ShaveTheWhales September 16, 2011 at 1:56 am

Not honey badger, that's for sure.

iburl September 15, 2011 at 9:46 pm

NASA, weren't they the guys that used to have a real space program back in the 1960's?

GlowneyHouse September 15, 2011 at 9:57 pm

On the other hand, once in control the Koch Brothers have plans to rename our own planet "Giedi Prime"

fuflans September 15, 2011 at 10:01 pm

huh. and here i thought we were only 6000 years old.

fletc3her September 16, 2011 at 12:50 am

I have the blu-ray box set on pre-order and now Lucas is going to have to recut the movies to show a gas giant rather than a desert planet?! Argh.

SudsMcKenzie September 16, 2011 at 4:53 am

Whooahh, slow down there Galileo, it just sounds like Arizona.

joobajooba September 16, 2011 at 11:44 am

"Frozen gas giant planet?" Is that Mike Huckabee trying to get back into the news?

ttommyunger September 16, 2011 at 2:01 pm

My last post earned my a pop-up that stated: "Slow down, you are posting comments too quickly!" Really? A 70 year-old 'Puter-Challenged Georgia Geezer is too fast for the Wonkette? Make my fucking day!

BZ1 September 17, 2011 at 1:21 am

isn't NASA working on flux capacitors yet?

MissTaken September 16, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Hail to the king, baby

Army of Darkness references always make my lady bits quiver.

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