OUR FLOURISHING DEMOCRACY  5:12 pm September 15, 2011

Tom Coburn Derailing Entire Senate Over Funding For Bike Paths

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Cat lady power!Hey, is there a major important bill that Congress is trying urgently to pass to avoid one or another type of needless catastrophic shutdown? Sure, it’s “a day.” This time: something about “funding for the FAA and highway projects and 80,000 jobs” that is very socialist-sounding, which is mean old coot Tom Coburn’s cue to get directly in the way of any of these things continuing to exist. Seriously, what’s so bad about this bill, Tom Coburn? Is it stacked full of riders to install free abortion clinics in every mall Starbucks, or possibly free weekly massages for Guantanamo inmates? Nah. It’s that provision with money for bike paths and trees he just can’t get past.

The House already passed this bill, and the Senate is expected to pass it, and it has to pass by Friday, so it is literally just Tom Coburn’s Army of One behind the panic. It’s almost like he likes the attention or something.

From THE POLITICO:

Coburn has drawn a “line in the sand” over what he sees as wasteful spending in legislation that would temporarily extend funding for the FAA and transportation projects.

A vote to amend the bill won’t be enough, Coburn said. He wants the underlying bill rewritten so that states aren’t required to set aside millions of dollars for beautification projects like bike paths, sound walls and decorative highway signs. And he’s threatening to block the transportation package unless he gets his way.

Ha ha, and then Harry Reid did his best impression of an indignant fit and called Tom Coburn a “dictator,” which solved everything. [Politico]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 189 comments }

V572 T-Blow September 15, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Love the way Po'o put scare-quotes around a "line in the sand." Maybe their writers had never heard that expression before. Almost as they were a "tabula rasa."

elviouslyqueer September 15, 2011 at 5:22 pm

I don't actually mind scare quotes, like when I use them to call Tom Coburn a "shit-sucking, infected anal pustule."

emmelemm September 15, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Ew.

V572 T-Blow September 15, 2011 at 5:46 pm

You mean, "Ew."

emmelemm September 15, 2011 at 5:56 pm

"Touché".

FlownOver September 15, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Remind me: who played Tabula Rasa in the movie?

Oh, yeah – Yul Brynner. Never mind.

Beowoof September 15, 2011 at 5:17 pm

No socialist bike paths, the oil companies can make no profit.

emmelemm September 15, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Big Schwinn just doesn't have the lobbyists.

CrunchyKnee September 15, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Alas, big Schwinn has long ago fled the States, but I guess that doesn't matter too much in today's climate.

Pragmatist2 September 15, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Do you want to cut wasteful spending? Repeal Coburn's salary.

Wonderthing September 15, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Those people who need "bike paths" from the Government should just DIE! DIE! DIE! YEAH! (Applause!!!!!)

KenLayIsAlive September 15, 2011 at 5:20 pm

What seat are you running for?

elviouslyqueer September 15, 2011 at 5:27 pm

All of them, Katie.

Oh, fine then, you come up with a better meme!

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 15, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Also.

KenLayIsAlive September 15, 2011 at 5:55 pm

I hear Macus is also running for any seat he can get into.

Oh okay, he's not running, but still.

Actually, he seems likely more comfortable to be the seat, I guess.

snickersnack September 15, 2011 at 10:00 pm

Not meant to be a factual statement.

FlownOver September 15, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Bicycle, obvs.

Not_So_Much September 15, 2011 at 7:17 pm

Smells like a winner.

Schmannnity September 15, 2011 at 7:08 pm

If they have a brain injury while biking without insurance, they should die twice.

memzilla September 15, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Here in Noo Yawk City, there's been a lot of controversy about bike lanes. Most people approve, though, because we want our Chinese food delivered promptly and safely, without what happened to Ping in Seinfeld.

Now if the act were renamed "The Safe Air Transportation and Chinese Food Delivery Bill" — who could vote against that?

chascates September 15, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Isn't that because of the Hassidics in Brooklyn who don't like seeing the barely-clothing biking?

memzilla September 15, 2011 at 5:38 pm

This is a major source of angst amongst the Orthodox community. On the one hand, scantily clad bicyclists. On the other hand, you're not allowed to cook on Shabbas, so what, you want I should be starving here?

emmelemm September 15, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Oy vey! Seriously, though, I thought you couldn't cook OR exchange money, so how exactly are they ordering delivery?

memzilla September 15, 2011 at 6:34 pm

Either a standing order at the restaurant, or a friend who is what is referred to as the Shabbas Goy.

Negropolis September 16, 2011 at 12:25 am

"barely-clothed" biking to a Hey Sid is some "whore" showing her ankles, Yaweh forbid. Fuck 'em. If they want to live in antiquity, this whole sect can be shipped to Afghanistan. No one has lost any.

ShaveTheWhales September 16, 2011 at 2:05 am

I think it may be the "tightly-clothed biking" that sets them off. I know it works for me.

Indiepalin September 15, 2011 at 5:49 pm

And don't get me started on Cigar-Store Indians…

KenLayIsAlive September 15, 2011 at 5:19 pm

It's cool to forgo the beautification projects. I prefer that drab socialist look anyway.

KeepFnThatChicken September 15, 2011 at 5:26 pm

That's not socialism. That's the patina of Cummins exhaust as we hearken back to a-quarter-per-gallon diesel. Better known by the kids today as "capitalist santorum".

flamingpdog September 15, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Lady Bird Johnson, a Democrat (=soshulist) is spinning in her grave.

BeWoot September 15, 2011 at 11:35 pm

East Berlin is the new chic.

ShaveTheWhales September 16, 2011 at 2:05 am

Concrete uber Alles.

metamarcisf September 15, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Even the fucking House of Representatives passed this bill. Even fellow Okie and kamakaze pilot Inofe isn't objecting to it. D'know how Lyndon Johnson would have handled a nancy-boy like Coburn?

poncho_pilot September 15, 2011 at 5:24 pm

pissed on Coburn like he was the White House lawn?

FlownOver September 15, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Made him watch while LBJ took a dump?

emmelemm September 15, 2011 at 5:34 pm

In his mouth?

(OK, OK, ew.)

Schmannnity September 15, 2011 at 5:42 pm

That ain't right

Indiepalin September 15, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Pick him up by the ears and shake him on national TV?

Schmannnity September 15, 2011 at 5:34 pm

exactly

Radiotherapy® September 15, 2011 at 6:56 pm

Does Coburn even have a lapel?

Not_So_Much September 15, 2011 at 7:19 pm

Given him extra room up around his bung-hole?

Negropolis September 16, 2011 at 12:27 am

Physically back him into a corner while the media watched?

Gratuitous World September 15, 2011 at 5:21 pm

So Coburn leads the charge to defeat grants for Homeless Vets, and won't even take money so they can cozy up with their PTSD under a newly planted tree.

twist + break.

KeepFnThatChicken September 15, 2011 at 5:22 pm

So if it doesn't have eight cylinders, has no trucknutz, and it isn't really fucking loud and obnoxious, it isn't worth voting for…?

Pragmatist2 September 15, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Trust me on this: You CAN put Trucknutz on a bike.

Gratuitous World September 15, 2011 at 5:22 pm

also, this funding should be offset by removing C-Street's tax exempt status.

Mort_Sinclair September 15, 2011 at 5:24 pm

I think you left out the part where Coburn said, "Riding bikes is for fags."

comrad_darkness September 15, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Republicans: Assuring absolutely no one is happy. Except the spiteful types, that is.

HelmutNewton September 15, 2011 at 5:36 pm

That's the entire conservative M.O. – "Since I'm not happy (I can't get together with rent-boys like I really want to) then NO ONE will be happy."

comrad_darkness September 15, 2011 at 6:53 pm

There was an old quote I remember from my church-going days: Religious fundamentalism: The terror that somewhere, someone may be having a good time.

Chillwaver September 15, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Who needs bike paths when you live in a world of Hummers and Corvettes?

GregComlish September 15, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Just change the wording from "bike path" to "Hoveround path".

sunmusing September 15, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Maybe littleTommy didn't get enough attention when he was a baby, Now he is a grown up baby, and can demand attention…… Will mommy Boehner, and daddy Cantor respond? The answer……in two days,,,,,Will fuck nutz hold his breath till he turns blue? Will Auntie Michele spank Uncle Marcus? oops wrong show.

Oh shit I'm out of tequila.

Schmannnity September 15, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Is it stacked full of riders to install free abortion clinics in every mall Starbucks

I'd like the Venti abortion with skim, please.

genxr September 15, 2011 at 5:42 pm

I'll have the Placenta Frappucino.

Schmannnity September 15, 2011 at 5:53 pm

After my last comment, I admit I have no standing, but, that's sick! Kind of like Autumn Afterbirth Mint.

MissTaken September 15, 2011 at 6:13 pm

I just love the seasonal drinks. My favorite is the Frozen Snowflake Baby.

Negropolis September 16, 2011 at 12:31 am

I'd like one Fetus macchiato, please.

Buzz Feedback September 15, 2011 at 5:29 pm

We fix the bike paths next thing you know the Chinese will attack on their Huffys.

Lascauxcaveman September 15, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Harry Reid called him a "dictator?"

Whoa.

I was thinking more along the lines of "whiny little bitch."

KenLayIsAlive September 15, 2011 at 6:00 pm

This is Harry Reid we're talking about. I've seen tougher soap bubbles.

ShaveTheWhales September 16, 2011 at 2:07 am

"Shithead" is more concise.

elviouslyqueer September 15, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Trees and bike paths are for sissies, obvs. What we need is an asphalt paradise with an Anusburger restaurant on every corner.

comrad_darkness September 15, 2011 at 6:54 pm

We've got that. How's that working out for us?

SockBunny September 15, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Seriously, has Oklahoma done anything good for this country since they released Woody Guthrie to the world? Oh right, they minted the Dunning-Kruger Effect.

KenLayIsAlive September 15, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Will Rogers. Larry Clark. The Flaming Lips.

um…

Jim Thorpe.

OkieDokieDog September 15, 2011 at 8:08 pm

Leon Russell. Anita Bryant. Okay scratch Anita. Let's add Wanda Jackson, the kickass Queen of Rockabilly.

SockBunny September 15, 2011 at 8:39 pm

I am just listening to LR right now, and I am clearly up on a tightwire. Let me remind myself as a Marylander that the same state that delivered up Spiro Agnew gave us Frederick Douglass.

stanpan September 15, 2011 at 11:16 pm

Chet Baker. Mason Williams. Charlie Christian. Michael Hedges. Jesse Ed Davis. Dwight Twilley. Byron Berline. Leo Kottke (grew up in Muskogee).

ShaveTheWhales September 16, 2011 at 2:09 am

Leon alone is enough to cover a multitude of sins. But not Inhofe or Coburn. (Sorry, L).

SockBunny September 15, 2011 at 8:37 pm

okay, thanks. I'll keep them in mind next time Inhofe does sumpin stoopid.

DustBowlBlues September 16, 2011 at 12:24 am

Kristen Chenoweth, native and grad of OC University. (The Methodist real one, not the fake on with Christian in it).

Let's face it, though. All the good things any state has done, including Woody, cannot make up for the disastrous shit Spooky Doktor Tom and Inhofe (R-BigOil) are responsible for. In fact, if Jesus had been born in OKC, or Krishna or anyone other diety had been born and raised and gone to OU here, it wouldn't make up for the pain and suffering caused by these two complete douches.

James Michael Curley September 16, 2011 at 10:22 am

Having seen Kristen Chenoweth in Candide, the referrence to Woody becomes germaine.

hagajim September 15, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Sounds like the City of Portland needs to naked bike ride across Tom Coburns lawn and then stop and shit on it as well.

starfanglednut September 15, 2011 at 8:59 pm

If someone lies him down, I will happily ride over his man boobs.

ewww.. I just grossed myself out.

chascates September 15, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Isn't Coburn the shithead the flew his private plane onto a closed runway, causing workers to run for their lives?

imissopus September 15, 2011 at 5:41 pm

I think that was Inhofe. Right state, different asshole.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 15, 2011 at 5:50 pm

We can still blame the FAA, though, right?

imissopus September 15, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Oh, those fuckers have been coddled long enough.

flamingpdog September 15, 2011 at 5:42 pm

No, that was his Okie partner-in-slime James Inhofe.

V572 T-Blow September 15, 2011 at 5:35 pm

To be "fair," in Oklahoma and many other red states, the towns are so small and uncrowded, the parking so plentiful, the distances between towns so vast, the gas tax so low, and the weather most of the year so abominable, that bicycle paths must seem like a frightful indulgence.

Plus, where do you put your gun rack?

chascates September 15, 2011 at 5:49 pm
V572 T-Blow September 15, 2011 at 6:00 pm

QED. But how're you gonna keep your brewskis chilled?

KenLayIsAlive September 15, 2011 at 6:03 pm
V572 T-Blow September 15, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Coburn probably probably caved because he was reading this comment string.
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0911/63614.h

starfanglednut September 15, 2011 at 9:01 pm

Yeah, but how are you going to keep your brewskies cold AND carry you guns?

MissTaken September 15, 2011 at 6:17 pm

This is how we do it in Nor California:
http://publicbikes.com/p/Leather-Bicycle-Wine-Car

elviouslyqueer September 15, 2011 at 8:36 pm

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.

starfanglednut September 15, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Sorry, but that is a seriously pretentious sack of shit bike. (You don't own one, do you?)

Come here a minute September 15, 2011 at 9:36 pm

Do they make a vegan version?

twaingirl September 15, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Or you could just put a rack on the back, strap on an old milk cart, throw in your beers there. Or your cooler. We like to put dry ice, some regular ice and our beer and then ride down the streets of Ohio. Sans helmet.:)

DustBowlBlues September 16, 2011 at 12:18 am

Conceal/carry takes care of that problem quite nicely, here in the Dust Bowl. Though how you conceal in bike shorts, I don't know. Maybe it's strictly carry, in that case. But it's fucking Oklahoma. Who cares how you carry your piece, your gun, your . . . I don't know what the fuck idiots call them these days.

V572 T-Blow September 16, 2011 at 12:39 am

“Prosthetic dick” is the technical term.

AlterNewt September 15, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Any minute now, they're gonna go too far.

deanbooth September 15, 2011 at 9:20 pm

They go too far almost every day, but if it's not reported (without a both-sides-do-it spin), it doesn't matter.

AlterNewt September 15, 2011 at 10:03 pm

Hence the joke.

deanbooth September 16, 2011 at 7:34 am

 <DIV>Oh, duh.</DIV> <DIV style=”FONT: 10pt arial”>

Steverino247 September 15, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Well, as long as Mr. Reid is the only obstacle to being an asshole, there will be assholes galore. Who the hell put him in charge of anything?

Native_of_SL_UT September 15, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Just another example of the brilliant GOP marketing strategy where they just plain fuck everything up knowing the low information voter won't pay enough attention to politics to blame someone besides "Washington".
Then they hit the campaign trail saying "yeah, we know, we hate Washington too."

SayItWithWookies September 15, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Hey, it makes sense — back in the early 1800s, before we had bicycles, people were ruggedly independent, hunted for their dinner, and defended America against those foreign invaders, the Indians. Now we have bike paths and look — hippies, welfare, 9/11, universal healthcare — it's like bikes are some secret plot to destroy America.

emmelemm September 15, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Besides, where do they love bikes? Amsterdam. Fucking weed-smoking sex-worker-allowing socialists, they are.

Mumbletypeg September 15, 2011 at 6:17 pm

it's like bikes are some secret plot to destroy America

I bet there's at least one Tea Party shill out Colorado way, who'd agree.

imissopus September 15, 2011 at 5:45 pm

These bike paths would all have secret coded markings directing the invading U.N. blue helmets after our Kenyan dictator declares martial law and turns the country over to them. Tom Coburn is a true American hero, I tell you what.

flamingpdog September 15, 2011 at 5:46 pm

Whoops, Coburn just did his best Obama imitation and caved.

FlownOver September 15, 2011 at 6:16 pm

“'Righteousness has prevailed,' said Sen. Jim Inhofe, a fellow Oklahoma Republican who helped negotiate the deal.'

Somebody better get into the fine print. It probably calls for torching three blue states to mitigate future blizzards.

ShaveTheWhales September 16, 2011 at 2:20 am

He gets to "insert language" into some future highway bill that allows states to opt out of the bike paths and beautification stuff.

Actually, that may not be too bad, since, strangely enough, even the reddest states seem to have trouble opting out of federal money.

not that Dewey September 16, 2011 at 10:09 am

"Lines in the sand" are notoriously transitory.

genxr September 15, 2011 at 5:46 pm

Now where will I ride my UN-provided bicycle and blue helmet?

Callyson September 15, 2011 at 5:47 pm

“I’m hoping that Sen. Coburn will understand the urgency of where we can address his concerns to let him have a vote,” Texas Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison, the top Republican on the Commerce, Science and Transportation Committee, told POLITICO.
“I don’t think you can ever require acceptance of something in a 100-person body,” she added. “I don’t think he can ask for the amendment to be accepted without a vote. I want FAA to pass without any delays. It’s too costly.”
Translation: "I'm hoping that Sen. Coburn will stop having temper tantrums and allow the Senate to do something for once." Good luck with that…

Indiepalin September 15, 2011 at 5:51 pm

That Hutchison. What a Rhino. The "h" stands for "whore"

genxr September 15, 2011 at 6:08 pm

KBH, telling Coburn where he can address stick his concerns.

V572 T-Blow September 15, 2011 at 5:49 pm
flamingpdog September 15, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Beat me by two minutes, dammit. You seemz to know a lot about Denver – are you from the Queen City originally?

V572 T-Blow September 15, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Lived there 1972-86.

KenLayIsAlive September 15, 2011 at 6:08 pm

"This is bigger than it looks like on the surface, and it could threaten our personal freedoms," Maes said.

Yeah. Some pretty scary stuff there Mr. Governor Some Guy.

flamingpdog September 15, 2011 at 5:52 pm
Lionel[redacted]Esq September 15, 2011 at 5:52 pm

But how is this possible, as I hear every Republican pundit announce that Obama was unstoppable in 2008-2010 because their were Democratic majorities, just like in the Senate now?

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 15, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Maybe Tom Coburn should just announce that Oklahoma will refuse all Federal funds until he gets his way. That seems more fair than his current "Screw the rest of the country" system.

imissopus September 15, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Dr. Tom has obviously seen the Italian neo-realist masterpiece The Bicycle Thief, in which a father and his young son search for the boy's stolen bike in a devastated, crumbling post-WWII Italy. During the journey the audience comes to see the bicycle as a stand-in for all of Italy's destroyed hopes and dreams and national pride, and how only the recovery of this precious childhood object can allow the boy and his father and their entire neighborhood to survive the psychological scarring of war and to push on through the drudgery of the present and into an unknown future in which they have no reason to think their lives will improve, but have hope anyway. It is a story that looks for and finds the beating heart of the human spirit.

Dr. Tom is trying to spare some young American boy and his father the pain and fear of such a journey, which would become inevitable if we were to build bike paths in this country. Better to buy the kid a giant Dodge Ram with an alarm and a GPS locator beacon so that he and his nancy boy of a father do not become a couple of emotionally bereft Italians.

chascates September 15, 2011 at 6:08 pm

Rosebud.

genxr September 15, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Turns out he was dead the whole time.

Indiepalin September 15, 2011 at 6:20 pm

His mother died years ago. It was Norman, dressed like his mother, who was the real murderer.

imissopus September 15, 2011 at 6:23 pm

Son of a bitch, Darth is Luke's father!

GunToting[Redacted] September 15, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Tyler Durden is PEOPLE!!!

HistoriCat September 15, 2011 at 9:32 pm
flamingpdog September 15, 2011 at 11:29 pm

They made a movie about Ann Coulter?

Indiepalin September 15, 2011 at 6:08 pm

So what sort of "deal" did Coburn cut? Does it involve Sharia Law and the Sooners playing in the Fiesta Bowl?

flamingpdog September 15, 2011 at 11:31 pm

Sharia Law and the Sooners? Soundz like a good name for a C &W group.

DustBowlBlues September 16, 2011 at 12:15 am

Tut, tut. Spooky Doktor Tom's above football. He's an intellectual and religious fanatic. You must be thinking of Inhofe.

Every time I type Inhofe, it seems like there should be a dirty way of spelling it, but damned if I can come up with a way to name him something the equivalent of the Kock brothers or John Boner. Anyone have any ideas?

Doktor Tom is clearly Cockburn.

genxr September 15, 2011 at 6:10 pm

needz moar cyclecide

starfanglednut September 15, 2011 at 9:11 pm

You mean killing someone with my bike? Cuz I'm down.

owhatever September 15, 2011 at 6:15 pm

I support my right to throw hamburger bags and beer cans from my car window at those bike faggots, and so does Senator Coburn.

genxr September 15, 2011 at 6:18 pm

And how can we throw things at bicyclists that if the bicycles are out of the road and on their own paths? Do the libtards have an answer for that? It's just one more freedom we lose thanks to Obamacare.

KenLayIsAlive September 15, 2011 at 6:27 pm

Somewhere, a caricature of a Native American is tearing up.

emmelemm September 15, 2011 at 7:35 pm

Crack out the Boehner/Crying Indian side-by-side photo…

starfanglednut September 15, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Alright! Free burger scraps and beer dregs!

fuflans September 15, 2011 at 6:17 pm

'all things considered' opened this story with: 'one senator is holding up the bill'.

it occured to me that not only did i know with 100% certainty which party the senator would belong to, i knew within three guesses which republican asshole it would be.

my first guess NORMALLY would have been baby paul, but today has brought a wealth of discussion about how he's got a collapsing bridge that is at risk of killing of his fat bagger fan base and doesn't have the money to fix it up.

DOH! feds!!!

imissopus September 15, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Breaking news: Dr. Tom has caved.

Well, not really. He's agreed to vote for this six-month stopgap as long as language is inserted into the next stopgap that allows states to opt out of setting aside highway funds to build bike and pedestrian paths. Expect any construction contractors that build such paths to spend the next six months lobbying Dr. Tom to STFU because they want some of that sweet, sweet federal largess.

V572 T-Blow September 15, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Is there any better feeling than knowing a minimum-wage single-mom bodega clerk in New York City is having 15.3% of her salary withheld to add two more lanes to an empty Interstate in Oklahoma?

No, there is not.

buffalogal September 15, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Bikes … good for health and the environment … bad for America?

Rotundo_ September 15, 2011 at 6:26 pm

What a guy, When Tejas secedes we need to make sure these crackers go with them. The Republic of TexaJesustan Throw in Louisiana except Nawlins which can become the North American equivalent of Berlin in the 50's and 60's. We can fly booze in and beignets (sp?) out. Maybe make a right of way between civilization and Nawlins and Austin so rational people can enter and leave and provide food and water and keep the bubbas out with landmines, dogs, guns, and razor wire.

Armoured_Saint September 15, 2011 at 10:22 pm

The Republic of TexaJesustan. That is hilarious.

OneYieldRegular September 15, 2011 at 6:28 pm

This won't be Real America until all public spaces are turned into desolate, filthy, wastelands, and "beautification projects" remain the backyard privilege of the rich who need their taxes cut more in order to afford them. In other words: get a car, hippies.

notreelyhelping September 15, 2011 at 6:29 pm

Normally, you'd expect this would be Coburn "jumping the shark," but, in this atmosphere, he'll probably end up some kind of grange hall folk hero. With a fucking red, white, and blue cape.

DustBowlBlues September 16, 2011 at 12:10 am

Sorry, but it's already happened. The average okie (the 90% of us with their heads so far up their asses they've never given their teenage acne a chance to clear) loves this guy because he's so mavericky. He votes to fuck them again, and again, and again, but he's so . . . whatever. I'm just making assumptions here because, god knows, I would never have a real conversation with any of these morans.

OneYieldRegular September 15, 2011 at 6:47 pm

San Francisco's Critical Mass group should be alerted to Coburn's opposition to bike paths. They'll know how to react. If Coburn coyly thinks he understands "obstructionism" now, just wait until he's been subjected to what downtown San Francisco suffers on the last Friday afternoon of every month.

twaingirl September 15, 2011 at 9:14 pm

They're not the only city either. Maybe some we should just hold a cyclovia though:)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ciclov%C3%ADa

mrbubb September 16, 2011 at 7:44 pm

Assassination? I hope that's what you mean.

MissTaken September 15, 2011 at 6:59 pm

It starts with a bike path and the next thing you know you are rubbing patchouli on your hairy armpits before you go gay shopping at the farmer's market for organic, sustainable arugula that you'll wash down with kombucha before stopping in at the local Planned Parenthood for a lovely brunch of abortion and Sharia Law, just as the United Nations wanted.

Thank Jeebus Coburn sees the truth!

donner_froh September 15, 2011 at 6:59 pm

I have never understood this "line in the sand" image. Anyone who has ever been to a beach or even a sandbox knows that a line in the sand is the easiest thing in the world to erase.

Maybe he means loin in the sand–he wants to pack sand around his genitals because it feels good.

johnnyzhivago September 15, 2011 at 7:00 pm

Have you ever met one of these "bike riders"???? They're all Democrats (with a couple of Lyndon Larouche Libertarians mixed in)

Why the hell should we build bike paths for librul tree-huggers??

johnnyzhivago September 15, 2011 at 7:03 pm

America is getting to be like the kind of cheapskate person I would never hang around with….

Fox n Fiends September 15, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Bicyclists are the new feminazis.

Radiotherapy® September 15, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Remember that stupid meme the MSM came up with a few months ago where Coburn and Obama were holding hands and singing Kumbaya? Yeah, me neither.

Barrelhse September 15, 2011 at 7:19 pm

Tom should be the new Kortney, except shoving that zucchini the other way.

weejee September 15, 2011 at 7:36 pm

Barry should shut down all the airports nationwide until Tom says uncle. Only let emergency aircraft, fire-fighting aircraft, & the military into the wild blue yonder. W shut the skies down after 9/11 and we all survived. Go Barry, show some huevos!

SockBunny September 15, 2011 at 8:41 pm

It's done people. Dr. Reverend Senator Coldburn caved in exchange for future hand-jobs, I mean concessions.

DustBowlBlues September 16, 2011 at 12:05 am

Is it asking too much if just once, after a long, hard day, I could sit down to "my" the wonket for some gallows humor (given the state of our nation) and not read about some okie dickhead humiliating me? Yes, me. It's personal now, Tom. You've been warned, sucka'.

BZ1 September 16, 2011 at 12:07 am

who elects these dolts?

Negropolis September 16, 2011 at 12:22 am

…aren’t required to set aside millions of dollars for beautification projects like bike paths, sound walls and decorative highway signs.

The fuck!? Since when are things like bike paths and sounds walls "beautification"? Those things have actual logistical and practical functions. Who the hell wrote this piece?

ShaveTheWhales September 16, 2011 at 2:25 am

Mmm, "Politico"?

Negropolis September 16, 2011 at 6:42 am

I can't believe I missed both references to Politico in the article, but it explains everything. Bad fucking writing all the way around.

smokefilleddoommate September 16, 2011 at 4:36 am

I know this pic has been featured many times, but for some reason right now I really need to thank Lauri for her Coburn CatLady depiction. I've never looked at him the same since. Props!

comrad_darkness September 16, 2011 at 10:09 am

Come on, those capitalist built roads are only for cars, you know. It should be illegal for anyone to walk or bike on them.

jzgplj September 16, 2011 at 10:18 am

Looks like Tom Coburn needs to use those bike paths, he's got man boobs in that drawing!

ttommyunger September 16, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Coburn and Reid, the Odd Couple, except both of them are the Felix Unger character.

ottercliff September 16, 2011 at 2:03 pm

OK, Tom, how 'bout if we just amend the bill to give a few trillion in tax cuts to the your mega rich corporate sponsors and get rid of the EPA, would that kind of balance out the bike path thing?

mrbubb September 16, 2011 at 7:15 pm

I took civics in HS, but I must have been absent that day. Can somebody please explain to me how one guy in the Senate can stall a bill thats 1) already passed the House with wide bipartisan support and 2) has wide bipartisan support in the Senate?

P.S. Love that phrase "wide bipartisan support." As in "her legs gave my filibuster wide bipartisan support."

Negropolis September 16, 2011 at 8:55 pm

Because no one makes anyone else actually filibuster, anymore.

V572 T-Blow September 15, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Diacritical marks “FTW”!

flamingpdog September 15, 2011 at 6:03 pm

The esteemed Senator from the Commonwealth of Trucknutz.

KenLayIsAlive September 15, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Hitler?

KenLayIsAlive September 15, 2011 at 6:25 pm

Oh, here is a massive cunt I would like to kick in the face:

"Lots of union members on here today…must be taling that mandatory donut break. Coburn is ABSOLUTELY CORRECT to insist that all the extra expensive crapolla be dropped from this bill. The FAA doesn't care about beautification or bike paths…why do YOU people? I know from seeing you on TV you sure don't ride a bicycle!"

FlownOver September 15, 2011 at 6:28 pm

I, for one, welcome our new Hayseed Overlords.

emmelemm September 15, 2011 at 6:38 pm

I have been a Shabbos Goy, in bygone days. Can't say as I understand the loophole mentality, but friends are friends. I just wouldn't think real hard-core Orthodox or Hassidim would go for that kind of shenanigans.

V572 T-Blow September 15, 2011 at 6:45 pm

I meant our comment string, which thoroughly refutes my original suggestion that bicycles are impractical in OKLA.

KenLayIsAlive September 15, 2011 at 6:52 pm

Ah, right. I'm high.

Lascauxcaveman September 15, 2011 at 6:53 pm

That's what she said!

(OK, that's not technically a Wonkette-Certified® meme, but it should be.)

Radiotherapy® September 15, 2011 at 6:54 pm

If they "bike paths" away, only criminals will have "bike paths."

Spurning Beer September 15, 2011 at 8:11 pm

This is good news for John McCain.

Chichikovovich September 15, 2011 at 11:03 pm

Needz moar buttsechs

Radiotherapy® September 15, 2011 at 6:57 pm

From the same people who brought you "air quotes."

Schmannnity September 15, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Just no seersucker and bowtie at the counter.

ProgressiveInga September 15, 2011 at 8:21 pm

That hurt my head.

HistoriCat September 15, 2011 at 9:25 pm

That would just be gauche.

Negropolis September 16, 2011 at 12:24 am

And whore diamonds.

ShaveTheWhales September 16, 2011 at 2:02 am

This entire blog can be shipped to Afghanistan, no one has lost any

ShaveTheWhales September 16, 2011 at 2:04 am

Oy, you want loopholes? I suggest "The Yiddish Policemans' Union", with the string guy.

ShaveTheWhales September 16, 2011 at 2:15 am

She did say NorCal, you know?

I snark, I snark. I'll still take our pretentiousness over most anyplace else's.

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