Cat lady power!Hey, is there a major important bill that Congress is trying urgently to pass to avoid one or another type of needless catastrophic shutdown? Sure, it’s “a day.” This time: something about “funding for the FAA and highway projects and 80,000 jobs” that is very socialist-sounding, which is mean old coot Tom Coburn’s cue to get directly in the way of any of these things continuing to exist. Seriously, what’s so bad about this bill, Tom Coburn? Is it stacked full of riders to install free abortion clinics in every mall Starbucks, or possibly free weekly massages for Guantanamo inmates? Nah. It’s that provision with money for bike paths and trees he just can’t get past.

The House already passed this bill, and the Senate is expected to pass it, and it has to pass by Friday, so it is literally just Tom Coburn’s Army of One behind the panic. It’s almost like he likes the attention or something.


Coburn has drawn a “line in the sand” over what he sees as wasteful spending in legislation that would temporarily extend funding for the FAA and transportation projects.

A vote to amend the bill won’t be enough, Coburn said. He wants the underlying bill rewritten so that states aren’t required to set aside millions of dollars for beautification projects like bike paths, sound walls and decorative highway signs. And he’s threatening to block the transportation package unless he gets his way.

Ha ha, and then Harry Reid did his best impression of an indignant fit and called Tom Coburn a “dictator,” which solved everything. [Politico]

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  • V572 T-Blow

    Love the way Po'o put scare-quotes around a "line in the sand." Maybe their writers had never heard that expression before. Almost as they were a "tabula rasa."

  • Beowoof

    No socialist bike paths, the oil companies can make no profit.

    • emmelemm

      Big Schwinn just doesn't have the lobbyists.

      • CrunchyKnee

        Alas, big Schwinn has long ago fled the States, but I guess that doesn't matter too much in today's climate.

  • Pragmatist2

    Do you want to cut wasteful spending? Repeal Coburn's salary.

  • Wonderthing

    Those people who need "bike paths" from the Government should just DIE! DIE! DIE! YEAH! (Applause!!!!!)

    • What seat are you running for?

      • elviouslyqueer

        All of them, Katie.

        Oh, fine then, you come up with a better meme!

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq


        • I hear Macus is also running for any seat he can get into.

          Oh okay, he's not running, but still.

          Actually, he seems likely more comfortable to be the seat, I guess.

        • snickersnack

          Not meant to be a factual statement.

      • Bicycle, obvs.

        • Not_So_Much

          Smells like a winner.

    • Schmannnity

      If they have a brain injury while biking without insurance, they should die twice.

  • memzilla

    Here in Noo Yawk City, there's been a lot of controversy about bike lanes. Most people approve, though, because we want our Chinese food delivered promptly and safely, without what happened to Ping in Seinfeld.

    Now if the act were renamed "The Safe Air Transportation and Chinese Food Delivery Bill" — who could vote against that?

    • chascates

      Isn't that because of the Hassidics in Brooklyn who don't like seeing the barely-clothing biking?

      • memzilla

        This is a major source of angst amongst the Orthodox community. On the one hand, scantily clad bicyclists. On the other hand, you're not allowed to cook on Shabbas, so what, you want I should be starving here?

        • emmelemm

          Oy vey! Seriously, though, I thought you couldn't cook OR exchange money, so how exactly are they ordering delivery?

          • memzilla

            Either a standing order at the restaurant, or a friend who is what is referred to as the Shabbas Goy.

          • emmelemm

            I have been a Shabbos Goy, in bygone days. Can't say as I understand the loophole mentality, but friends are friends. I just wouldn't think real hard-core Orthodox or Hassidim would go for that kind of shenanigans.

          • ShaveTheWhales

            Oy, you want loopholes? I suggest "The Yiddish Policemans' Union", with the string guy.

      • Negropolis

        "barely-clothed" biking to a Hey Sid is some "whore" showing her ankles, Yaweh forbid. Fuck 'em. If they want to live in antiquity, this whole sect can be shipped to Afghanistan. No one has lost any.

        • ShaveTheWhales

          I think it may be the "tightly-clothed biking" that sets them off. I know it works for me.

    • Indiepalin

      And don't get me started on Cigar-Store Indians…

  • It's cool to forgo the beautification projects. I prefer that drab socialist look anyway.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      That's not socialism. That's the patina of Cummins exhaust as we hearken back to a-quarter-per-gallon diesel. Better known by the kids today as "capitalist santorum".

    • flamingpdog

      Lady Bird Johnson, a Democrat (=soshulist) is spinning in her grave.

    • BeWoot

      East Berlin is the new chic.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Concrete uber Alles.

  • metamarcisf

    Even the fucking House of Representatives passed this bill. Even fellow Okie and kamakaze pilot Inofe isn't objecting to it. D'know how Lyndon Johnson would have handled a nancy-boy like Coburn?

    • poncho_pilot

      pissed on Coburn like he was the White House lawn?

    • Made him watch while LBJ took a dump?

      • emmelemm

        In his mouth?

        (OK, OK, ew.)

        • Schmannnity

          That ain't right

    • Indiepalin

      Pick him up by the ears and shake him on national TV?

      • Schmannnity


    • Radiotherapy®

      Does Coburn even have a lapel?

    • Not_So_Much

      Given him extra room up around his bung-hole?

    • Negropolis

      Physically back him into a corner while the media watched?

  • So Coburn leads the charge to defeat grants for Homeless Vets, and won't even take money so they can cozy up with their PTSD under a newly planted tree.

    twist + break.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    So if it doesn't have eight cylinders, has no trucknutz, and it isn't really fucking loud and obnoxious, it isn't worth voting for…?

    • Pragmatist2

      Trust me on this: You CAN put Trucknutz on a bike.

  • also, this funding should be offset by removing C-Street's tax exempt status.

  • Mort_Sinclair

    I think you left out the part where Coburn said, "Riding bikes is for fags."

  • comrad_darkness

    Republicans: Assuring absolutely no one is happy. Except the spiteful types, that is.

    • HelmutNewton

      That's the entire conservative M.O. – "Since I'm not happy (I can't get together with rent-boys like I really want to) then NO ONE will be happy."

      • comrad_darkness

        There was an old quote I remember from my church-going days: Religious fundamentalism: The terror that somewhere, someone may be having a good time.

  • Who needs bike paths when you live in a world of Hummers and Corvettes?

  • GregComlish

    Just change the wording from "bike path" to "Hoveround path".

  • Maybe littleTommy didn't get enough attention when he was a baby, Now he is a grown up baby, and can demand attention…… Will mommy Boehner, and daddy Cantor respond? The answer……in two days,,,,,Will fuck nutz hold his breath till he turns blue? Will Auntie Michele spank Uncle Marcus? oops wrong show.

    Oh shit I'm out of tequila.

  • Schmannnity

    Is it stacked full of riders to install free abortion clinics in every mall Starbucks

    I'd like the Venti abortion with skim, please.

    • genxr

      I'll have the Placenta Frappucino.

      • Schmannnity

        After my last comment, I admit I have no standing, but, that's sick! Kind of like Autumn Afterbirth Mint.

        • MissTaken

          I just love the seasonal drinks. My favorite is the Frozen Snowflake Baby.

        • Negropolis

          I'd like one Fetus macchiato, please.

  • Buzz Feedback

    We fix the bike paths next thing you know the Chinese will attack on their Huffys.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Harry Reid called him a "dictator?"


    I was thinking more along the lines of "whiny little bitch."

    • This is Harry Reid we're talking about. I've seen tougher soap bubbles.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      "Shithead" is more concise.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Trees and bike paths are for sissies, obvs. What we need is an asphalt paradise with an Anusburger restaurant on every corner.

    • comrad_darkness

      We've got that. How's that working out for us?

  • SockBunny

    Seriously, has Oklahoma done anything good for this country since they released Woody Guthrie to the world? Oh right, they minted the Dunning-Kruger Effect.

    • Will Rogers. Larry Clark. The Flaming Lips.


      Jim Thorpe.

      • OkieDokieDog

        Leon Russell. Anita Bryant. Okay scratch Anita. Let's add Wanda Jackson, the kickass Queen of Rockabilly.

        • SockBunny

          I am just listening to LR right now, and I am clearly up on a tightwire. Let me remind myself as a Marylander that the same state that delivered up Spiro Agnew gave us Frederick Douglass.

        • stanpan

          Chet Baker. Mason Williams. Charlie Christian. Michael Hedges. Jesse Ed Davis. Dwight Twilley. Byron Berline. Leo Kottke (grew up in Muskogee).

        • ShaveTheWhales

          Leon alone is enough to cover a multitude of sins. But not Inhofe or Coburn. (Sorry, L).

      • SockBunny

        okay, thanks. I'll keep them in mind next time Inhofe does sumpin stoopid.

        • DustBowlBlues

          Kristen Chenoweth, native and grad of OC University. (The Methodist real one, not the fake on with Christian in it).

          Let's face it, though. All the good things any state has done, including Woody, cannot make up for the disastrous shit Spooky Doktor Tom and Inhofe (R-BigOil) are responsible for. In fact, if Jesus had been born in OKC, or Krishna or anyone other diety had been born and raised and gone to OU here, it wouldn't make up for the pain and suffering caused by these two complete douches.

          • James Michael Curley

            Having seen Kristen Chenoweth in Candide, the referrence to Woody becomes germaine.

  • hagajim

    Sounds like the City of Portland needs to naked bike ride across Tom Coburns lawn and then stop and shit on it as well.

    • If someone lies him down, I will happily ride over his man boobs.

      ewww.. I just grossed myself out.

  • chascates

    Isn't Coburn the shithead the flew his private plane onto a closed runway, causing workers to run for their lives?

    • I think that was Inhofe. Right state, different asshole.

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        We can still blame the FAA, though, right?

        • Oh, those fuckers have been coddled long enough.

    • flamingpdog

      No, that was his Okie partner-in-slime James Inhofe.

  • V572 T-Blow

    To be "fair," in Oklahoma and many other red states, the towns are so small and uncrowded, the parking so plentiful, the distances between towns so vast, the gas tax so low, and the weather most of the year so abominable, that bicycle paths must seem like a frightful indulgence.

    Plus, where do you put your gun rack?

    • chascates
      • V572 T-Blow

        QED. But how're you gonna keep your brewskis chilled?

          • V572 T-Blow

            Coburn probably probably caved because he was reading this comment string.

          • Oh, here is a massive cunt I would like to kick in the face:

            "Lots of union members on here today…must be taling that mandatory donut break. Coburn is ABSOLUTELY CORRECT to insist that all the extra expensive crapolla be dropped from this bill. The FAA doesn't care about beautification or bike paths…why do YOU people? I know from seeing you on TV you sure don't ride a bicycle!"

          • V572 T-Blow

            I meant our comment string, which thoroughly refutes my original suggestion that bicycles are impractical in OKLA.

          • Ah, right. I'm high.

          • Yeah, but how are you going to keep your brewskies cold AND carry you guns?

        • MissTaken

          This is how we do it in Nor California:

          • elviouslyqueer

            FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.

          • Sorry, but that is a seriously pretentious sack of shit bike. (You don't own one, do you?)

          • ShaveTheWhales

            She did say NorCal, you know?

            I snark, I snark. I'll still take our pretentiousness over most anyplace else's.

          • Come here a minute

            Do they make a vegan version?

        • twaingirl

          Or you could just put a rack on the back, strap on an old milk cart, throw in your beers there. Or your cooler. We like to put dry ice, some regular ice and our beer and then ride down the streets of Ohio. Sans helmet.:)

    • DustBowlBlues

      Conceal/carry takes care of that problem quite nicely, here in the Dust Bowl. Though how you conceal in bike shorts, I don't know. Maybe it's strictly carry, in that case. But it's fucking Oklahoma. Who cares how you carry your piece, your gun, your . . . I don't know what the fuck idiots call them these days.

      • V572 T-Blow

        “Prosthetic dick” is the technical term.

  • AlterNewt

    Any minute now, they're gonna go too far.

    • They go too far almost every day, but if it's not reported (without a both-sides-do-it spin), it doesn't matter.

      • AlterNewt

        Hence the joke.

        •  <DIV>Oh, duh.</DIV> <DIV style=”FONT: 10pt arial”>

  • Steverino247

    Well, as long as Mr. Reid is the only obstacle to being an asshole, there will be assholes galore. Who the hell put him in charge of anything?

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    Just another example of the brilliant GOP marketing strategy where they just plain fuck everything up knowing the low information voter won't pay enough attention to politics to blame someone besides "Washington".
    Then they hit the campaign trail saying "yeah, we know, we hate Washington too."

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hey, it makes sense — back in the early 1800s, before we had bicycles, people were ruggedly independent, hunted for their dinner, and defended America against those foreign invaders, the Indians. Now we have bike paths and look — hippies, welfare, 9/11, universal healthcare — it's like bikes are some secret plot to destroy America.

    • emmelemm

      Besides, where do they love bikes? Amsterdam. Fucking weed-smoking sex-worker-allowing socialists, they are.

    • it's like bikes are some secret plot to destroy America

      I bet there's at least one Tea Party shill out Colorado way, who'd agree.

  • These bike paths would all have secret coded markings directing the invading U.N. blue helmets after our Kenyan dictator declares martial law and turns the country over to them. Tom Coburn is a true American hero, I tell you what.

  • flamingpdog

    Whoops, Coburn just did his best Obama imitation and caved.

    • “'Righteousness has prevailed,' said Sen. Jim Inhofe, a fellow Oklahoma Republican who helped negotiate the deal.'

      Somebody better get into the fine print. It probably calls for torching three blue states to mitigate future blizzards.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        He gets to "insert language" into some future highway bill that allows states to opt out of the bike paths and beautification stuff.

        Actually, that may not be too bad, since, strangely enough, even the reddest states seem to have trouble opting out of federal money.

    • not that Dewey

      "Lines in the sand" are notoriously transitory.

  • genxr

    Now where will I ride my UN-provided bicycle and blue helmet?

  • Callyson

    “I’m hoping that Sen. Coburn will understand the urgency of where we can address his concerns to let him have a vote,” Texas Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison, the top Republican on the Commerce, Science and Transportation Committee, told POLITICO.
    “I don’t think you can ever require acceptance of something in a 100-person body,” she added. “I don’t think he can ask for the amendment to be accepted without a vote. I want FAA to pass without any delays. It’s too costly.”
    Translation: "I'm hoping that Sen. Coburn will stop having temper tantrums and allow the Senate to do something for once." Good luck with that…

    • Indiepalin

      That Hutchison. What a Rhino. The "h" stands for "whore"

    • genxr

      KBH, telling Coburn where he can address stick his concerns.

  • V572 T-Blow
    • flamingpdog

      Beat me by two minutes, dammit. You seemz to know a lot about Denver – are you from the Queen City originally?

      • V572 T-Blow

        Lived there 1972-86.

    • "This is bigger than it looks like on the surface, and it could threaten our personal freedoms," Maes said.

      Yeah. Some pretty scary stuff there Mr. Governor Some Guy.

  • flamingpdog
  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    But how is this possible, as I hear every Republican pundit announce that Obama was unstoppable in 2008-2010 because their were Democratic majorities, just like in the Senate now?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Maybe Tom Coburn should just announce that Oklahoma will refuse all Federal funds until he gets his way. That seems more fair than his current "Screw the rest of the country" system.

  • Dr. Tom has obviously seen the Italian neo-realist masterpiece The Bicycle Thief, in which a father and his young son search for the boy's stolen bike in a devastated, crumbling post-WWII Italy. During the journey the audience comes to see the bicycle as a stand-in for all of Italy's destroyed hopes and dreams and national pride, and how only the recovery of this precious childhood object can allow the boy and his father and their entire neighborhood to survive the psychological scarring of war and to push on through the drudgery of the present and into an unknown future in which they have no reason to think their lives will improve, but have hope anyway. It is a story that looks for and finds the beating heart of the human spirit.

    Dr. Tom is trying to spare some young American boy and his father the pain and fear of such a journey, which would become inevitable if we were to build bike paths in this country. Better to buy the kid a giant Dodge Ram with an alarm and a GPS locator beacon so that he and his nancy boy of a father do not become a couple of emotionally bereft Italians.

    • chascates


      • genxr

        Turns out he was dead the whole time.

      • Indiepalin

        His mother died years ago. It was Norman, dressed like his mother, who was the real murderer.

      • Son of a bitch, Darth is Luke's father!

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Tyler Durden is PEOPLE!!!

      • HistoriCat
        • flamingpdog

          They made a movie about Ann Coulter?

  • Indiepalin

    So what sort of "deal" did Coburn cut? Does it involve Sharia Law and the Sooners playing in the Fiesta Bowl?

    • flamingpdog

      Sharia Law and the Sooners? Soundz like a good name for a C &W group.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Tut, tut. Spooky Doktor Tom's above football. He's an intellectual and religious fanatic. You must be thinking of Inhofe.

      Every time I type Inhofe, it seems like there should be a dirty way of spelling it, but damned if I can come up with a way to name him something the equivalent of the Kock brothers or John Boner. Anyone have any ideas?

      Doktor Tom is clearly Cockburn.

  • genxr

    needz moar cyclecide

  • owhatever

    I support my right to throw hamburger bags and beer cans from my car window at those bike faggots, and so does Senator Coburn.

    • genxr

      And how can we throw things at bicyclists that if the bicycles are out of the road and on their own paths? Do the libtards have an answer for that? It's just one more freedom we lose thanks to Obamacare.

    • Somewhere, a caricature of a Native American is tearing up.

      • emmelemm

        Crack out the Boehner/Crying Indian side-by-side photo…

    • Alright! Free burger scraps and beer dregs!

  • fuflans

    'all things considered' opened this story with: 'one senator is holding up the bill'.

    it occured to me that not only did i know with 100% certainty which party the senator would belong to, i knew within three guesses which republican asshole it would be.

    my first guess NORMALLY would have been baby paul, but today has brought a wealth of discussion about how he's got a collapsing bridge that is at risk of killing of his fat bagger fan base and doesn't have the money to fix it up.

    DOH! feds!!!

  • Breaking news: Dr. Tom has caved.

    Well, not really. He's agreed to vote for this six-month stopgap as long as language is inserted into the next stopgap that allows states to opt out of setting aside highway funds to build bike and pedestrian paths. Expect any construction contractors that build such paths to spend the next six months lobbying Dr. Tom to STFU because they want some of that sweet, sweet federal largess.

    • V572 T-Blow

      Is there any better feeling than knowing a minimum-wage single-mom bodega clerk in New York City is having 15.3% of her salary withheld to add two more lanes to an empty Interstate in Oklahoma?

      No, there is not.

  • buffalogal

    Bikes … good for health and the environment … bad for America?

  • Rotundo_

    What a guy, When Tejas secedes we need to make sure these crackers go with them. The Republic of TexaJesustan Throw in Louisiana except Nawlins which can become the North American equivalent of Berlin in the 50's and 60's. We can fly booze in and beignets (sp?) out. Maybe make a right of way between civilization and Nawlins and Austin so rational people can enter and leave and provide food and water and keep the bubbas out with landmines, dogs, guns, and razor wire.

    • Armoured_Saint

      The Republic of TexaJesustan. That is hilarious.

  • OneYieldRegular

    This won't be Real America until all public spaces are turned into desolate, filthy, wastelands, and "beautification projects" remain the backyard privilege of the rich who need their taxes cut more in order to afford them. In other words: get a car, hippies.

  • notreelyhelping

    Normally, you'd expect this would be Coburn "jumping the shark," but, in this atmosphere, he'll probably end up some kind of grange hall folk hero. With a fucking red, white, and blue cape.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Sorry, but it's already happened. The average okie (the 90% of us with their heads so far up their asses they've never given their teenage acne a chance to clear) loves this guy because he's so mavericky. He votes to fuck them again, and again, and again, but he's so . . . whatever. I'm just making assumptions here because, god knows, I would never have a real conversation with any of these morans.

  • OneYieldRegular

    San Francisco's Critical Mass group should be alerted to Coburn's opposition to bike paths. They'll know how to react. If Coburn coyly thinks he understands "obstructionism" now, just wait until he's been subjected to what downtown San Francisco suffers on the last Friday afternoon of every month.

  • MissTaken

    It starts with a bike path and the next thing you know you are rubbing patchouli on your hairy armpits before you go gay shopping at the farmer's market for organic, sustainable arugula that you'll wash down with kombucha before stopping in at the local Planned Parenthood for a lovely brunch of abortion and Sharia Law, just as the United Nations wanted.

    Thank Jeebus Coburn sees the truth!

  • I have never understood this "line in the sand" image. Anyone who has ever been to a beach or even a sandbox knows that a line in the sand is the easiest thing in the world to erase.

    Maybe he means loin in the sand–he wants to pack sand around his genitals because it feels good.

  • Have you ever met one of these "bike riders"???? They're all Democrats (with a couple of Lyndon Larouche Libertarians mixed in)

    Why the hell should we build bike paths for librul tree-huggers??

  • America is getting to be like the kind of cheapskate person I would never hang around with….

  • Fox n Fiends

    Bicyclists are the new feminazis.

  • Radiotherapy®

    Remember that stupid meme the MSM came up with a few months ago where Coburn and Obama were holding hands and singing Kumbaya? Yeah, me neither.

  • Barrelhse

    Tom should be the new Kortney, except shoving that zucchini the other way.

  • Barry should shut down all the airports nationwide until Tom says uncle. Only let emergency aircraft, fire-fighting aircraft, & the military into the wild blue yonder. W shut the skies down after 9/11 and we all survived. Go Barry, show some huevos!

  • SockBunny

    It's done people. Dr. Reverend Senator Coldburn caved in exchange for future hand-jobs, I mean concessions.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Is it asking too much if just once, after a long, hard day, I could sit down to "my" the wonket for some gallows humor (given the state of our nation) and not read about some okie dickhead humiliating me? Yes, me. It's personal now, Tom. You've been warned, sucka'.

  • BZ1

    who elects these dolts?

  • Negropolis

    …aren’t required to set aside millions of dollars for beautification projects like bike paths, sound walls and decorative highway signs.

    The fuck!? Since when are things like bike paths and sounds walls "beautification"? Those things have actual logistical and practical functions. Who the hell wrote this piece?

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Mmm, "Politico"?

      • Negropolis

        I can't believe I missed both references to Politico in the article, but it explains everything. Bad fucking writing all the way around.

  • I know this pic has been featured many times, but for some reason right now I really need to thank Lauri for her Coburn CatLady depiction. I've never looked at him the same since. Props!

  • comrad_darkness

    Come on, those capitalist built roads are only for cars, you know. It should be illegal for anyone to walk or bike on them.

  • jzgplj

    Looks like Tom Coburn needs to use those bike paths, he's got man boobs in that drawing!

  • ttommyunger

    Coburn and Reid, the Odd Couple, except both of them are the Felix Unger character.

  • ottercliff

    OK, Tom, how 'bout if we just amend the bill to give a few trillion in tax cuts to the your mega rich corporate sponsors and get rid of the EPA, would that kind of balance out the bike path thing?

  • mrbubb

    I took civics in HS, but I must have been absent that day. Can somebody please explain to me how one guy in the Senate can stall a bill thats 1) already passed the House with wide bipartisan support and 2) has wide bipartisan support in the Senate?

    P.S. Love that phrase "wide bipartisan support." As in "her legs gave my filibuster wide bipartisan support."

    • Negropolis

      Because no one makes anyone else actually filibuster, anymore.

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