someone needs a nap

Childish Republican Gleefully Steals ‘American Jobs Act’ Title From Obama

Har har, we really got him this time, boys!Imbecile Texas Republican Louie Gohmert is rolling around on the floor of his congressional office in a fit of snickering and spittle, because he figured out that no lawmaker had officially proposed Barack Obama’s American Jobs Act to Congress. This means that technically speaking, the name “American Jobs Act” did not yet exist in the files, because the Democrats are losers. Gohmert immediately pooped himself with puerile excitement and ran off to scribble “American Jobs Act: no more corporate taxes forever” on two sheets of paper and then handed it over to the House. BAM, filed. He wins, that’s it! The name is his! Hahahahaha, take that, uppity Negro President! Go tell everyone to pass the American Jobs Act now!

From the Daily Caller:

Rep. Louis Gohmert (R-TX) has gone a step further than mere talking points, snagging the name “American Jobs Act” for his own bill in the House. Gohmert named his bill Wednesday morning, according to his office, before any Democratic representative had introduced Obama’s bill for him.

“After waiting to see what the President would actually put into legislative language, and then waiting to see if anybody would actually introduce the President’s bill in the House, today I took the initiative and introduced the ‘American Jobs Act of 2011,’” Gohmert said in a statement Wednesday afternoon.

The bill would “amend the Internal Revenue Code of 1986 to repeal the corporate income tax.”Gohmert touted his two-page bill as a simple alternative to Obama’s 155-page legislation and ends the press release cheekily, “If we really want to create jobs and grow the economy, we must pass ‘The American Jobs Act’ now.”

Meanwhile, a new poll finds that a large plurality of Americans blame the Republicans more than anyone else for destroying America with their petulant refusal to govern like a dignified body of elected lawmakers in favor of running around like naughty children stealing other peoples’ homework. [Daily Caller]

Comments

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  • MrFizzy

    Gohmert Pyle, R-TX. Surprise, surprise, surprise.

    • Terry

      Who votes for these idiots?

      • MonsterAGoGo

        Other idiots, duh.

      • baconzgood

        R-TX. I rest my case Terry.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Stands for Retard-TX.

          • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

            We need to take up a collection for chascates to train his chickens to become idjet assassins and sic them on the peckerheads.

    • musesdarling

      Well, golllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly!

    • mormos

      Gohmert Pyle was a man who cared about Mayberry and the people in it. Don't sully the name and the man by comparing him to this jackass.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Thus proving (once again) that Republicans don't care about the deficit, the jobs, or anything else except making the rich even richer.

    Now if only we had an actual opposition party…
    ~

    • MrFizzy

      I have lately been thinking how easy it would be for a reasonable person to just dominate the Republican party – I bet you 75% of conservatives are just thinking "what a bunch of fucking morons we have running this party". All you'd have to do is say that the tea party is a fringe group, and that you'd be willing to work with Dems in the context of fiscal restraint.

      • LesBontemps

        Ask Jon Huntsman how that's working out.

        • MrFizzy

          A very good point indeed. It would be interesting to see someone like Romney take a detour, but I don't think that's gonna happen – by the time they get to that point they're pretty well brainwashed. Too bad for us all.

        • chicken_thief

          Or Gary Johnson….

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        That's working so well for Huntsman.

        • mereoblivion

          I'm sensing a trend.

        • MrFizzy

          Quite right – I think I made a temporary stop in the twilight zone, thinking that reasonable and republican could occupy the same sentence, nevermind a political position.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Bless your heart.

        • MrFizzy

          Yeah, yeah – I have to lay off the mezcal before noon. I actually do believe this on some level though – it's just that that the conservative political/propaganda (sorry, redundant) machine isn't ever going to allow anyone reasonable to get any traction – where's the money in that? Oh well. Panama is looking pretty goddamn good at this point.

          • Not_So_Much

            Admirable, really wish it were feasible. The lunatic fringe is what sells in that party. They're having a 'Crazy Off' for the nomination right now, then the winner will dial it back to they don't scare Teh Oldz. And what are they gonna do — vote for a, uh, 'non-white person' of questionable heritage?

      • GOPCrusher

        It's too bad that people like Huntsman and Romney have to pander to the asshats that make up the current base of the Republiklan Party in order to get the sheckles.

        • Toomush_Infer

          thus making feckless look reasonable…

    • OzoneTom

      Actually, it may be useful that the GOP has put down it's entire job-creating formula in such a clear manner.

      A hypothetical opposition party could come up with something that might resonate with the masses to compete. Call it the “American Peoples Jobs Act”

    • HedonismBot

      "Thus proving (once again) that Republicans don't care about the deficit, the jobs, or anything else except making the rich even richer. "
      Now now. Give them a little more credit. They also care an awful lot about finding novel and juvenile new ways to humiliate the president.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      How about the Populist Party? Platform: (1) Who you marry is none of our business. (2) People who make shit loads of money should pay shit loads of taxes or we will just cold take that money away from them. (3) We will use that tax money to build shit that people need and need to build. (4) If you shoot at us, we will shoot back, but we are not in the business of using tax money to hire security guards for companies who are making money in other countries.

      • chicken_thief

        Maybe add in a little somethin somethin about "if you own or run a business and you can't police yourself, we'll do it for you".

  • Sue4466

    Bush. Perry. Gohmert.

    Molly Ivins is dead and Jim Hightower can move.

    Please, Texas, secede allfuckingready.

    • Major Thom

      If they secede, can we bomb them??

      • Callyson

        Now, *that's* a thought actually…a few decent – minded folks in Austin and the like can start an uprising after Texas secedes, and then we'll be fighting for democracy…
        Oh wait–I am getting over my caffeine buzz and remembering how well our interventions usually work. Never mind…

      • Negropolis

        Well, they do have enough brown people to justify such a campaign, after all. Of course, we'd leave them alone, and maybe we'd make Austin a "West Berlin" enclave.

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      Maybe we could secede first. All of us. Except Texas.

      • Sue4466

        A much more proactive approach! Yes, let's!

    • elviouslyqueer

      I've said it before, and I'll say it again:

      Your move, Mexico.

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    ”Gohmert touted his two-page bill as a simple alternative to Obama’s 155-page legislation…"

    Did Gohmert steal this bill from Herman Cain?

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      I wonder how many pages his agreement with Exxon runs?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I write those all the time. They're very short.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          Would you throw exclusive use of a succubus into my pact? I hear they're wild in bed.

    • Guppy06

      Are you suggesting a Republican would have a black man do all the work but still take all the credit?

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      Two pages. I wonder what kind of paper clip he used.

    • kissawookiee

      Lousy Gospel stylings over 9/11 porn or GTFO.

    • yrbmegr

      No, but he had to get a staffer to spell "American" for him.

      • Dashboard_Jesus

        I believe Gomert spells it 'Merkan

  • AlterNewt

    Good job, Dems. Do that diligence.

    • Not_So_Much

      It's like there's a permanent 'Yakety Sax' soundtrack running on everything do. (sigh)

  • Come here a minute

    Now the Democrat who introduces the bill will have to rename it to "The American Jobs Act of 2011 and Fuck You Louie Gohmert."

    • hagajim

      Or would it be the American Jobs and Fuck You Louie Gohmert Act of 2011?

    • DaRooster

      I prefer the-
      Fuckin' Douche-Bag Louie Gohmert Is A Douche and Doesn't Know How To Act.

    • Guppy06

      The WE'RE FUCKED Act of 2011.

    • Not_So_Much

      Approved. I will support that bill.

    • Callyson

      The Democrat who does that will receive a small but meaningful contribution from me, stat. Come on, Dems, time for *someone* to have a backbone…

    • Chichikovovich

      Excellent! Though I would also accept "Jobs II: this Time it's Personal Act"

    • ChessieNefercat

      How about "The Bestest Ever American Jobs Act, so there, dumbass Republicans who think games like Gohmert's will win the hearts and minds of sentient* Americans."

      *Note to Republicans; "sentient" is not an ethnic group. Dumbasses.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    This is just like the time I registered for the domain name http://www.syphilitic-asshole.com . As expected, Gohmert offered me $10m for it.

    • mavenmaven

      There must be a metal band with that name already, no?

      • horsedreamer_1

        I don't know, man. Seth Putnam is dead.

        • poncho_pilot

          You Look Adopted.

    • caitifty

      "Oops! Google Chrome could not find syphilitic-asshole!" Well that's a relief.

    • Major Thom

      I actually tried your link. How dumb was that?

    • DaRooster

      Thanks… I went there and got a virus!

      • jqheywood

        Don't give a dose to the one you love most!

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Hmm… I would have expected a spirochete.

        • DaRooster

          They don't have them for 'puters yet…

          • GunToting[Redacted]

            True, but they have “worms,” so that could possibly work. Maybe Gohmert has the same strain of hookworm as SP…

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Since the title has not been previously claimed, I will be publishing "The Autobiography of Louis Gohmert: Memoirs of an Imbecile."

    • Limeylizzie

      I am writing a book, no really I am, and I need a name for the asshole villain…

  • hagajim

    Is Louis Gohmert just another Gomer or what? Meanwhile, down in Green Acres, "a new poll finds that a plurality of Americans blame the Republicans for destroying America" – but yet they plan to vote for imbecile Rick Perry, magic underwear man Mittens Romney, or batshit crazy zealot Michelle Bachmann before they'd vote for that Kenyan Mooslim again.

    • MrFizzy

      Hey that's what our country was based on, and don't forget it, goddammit.

  • JoshuaNorton

    Up next: A new wingnut bill called "The Constitution" and one called "Declaration of Independence". Neither one will have anything to do with their titles, but how could you be against The Constitution, commie?

    • Sue4466

      It's like the "Clear Skies" bill. How can you say you're against clear skies? think of the children. Even though it had nothing to do with clearing the skies, except of breathable air.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Speaking of the children, how about "No Child Left Behind"? Or my personal favorite bit of doublespeak, the "Help America Vote Act"?

    • ChessieNefercat

      This could be fun. How about a bill called "The Second Amendment." It would include The Marriage Liberty Act, and The Medicare for All Act. You know, because a well-regulated militia, etc…

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Gohmert should be reminded of this. He can laugh now, but most of the time he is the joke.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6nR7mgjfmE

    • An_Outhouse

      I really admire what it takes to be a congressman. I would have jumped over desks and punched the living shit out of that snivelling coward. Murtha almost had him crying.

  • baconzgood

    I beat him! I named my cock American Jobs Act. So everyone has to get busy on the American Jobs Act. For America.

    • DaRooster

      Freedom!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      I'd like to see you introduce that before the House.

      • baconzgood

        Please rise.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

      I've named my asshole Louie Gohmert. I dare you to find the difference when he speaks and I fart.

      • LesBontemps

        Your farts are not as foul.

        • ChessieNefercat

          A veritable, er, breath of fresh air.

      • poncho_pilot

        ladies and gentlemen, Peter Weller:
        http://youtu.be/GRjIwOk_Nqw

        • horsedreamer_1

          With or without unicorn?

          • poncho_pilot

            no unicorn–just a large quantity of the powdered, black meat of the giant, aquatic, Brazilian centipede.

          • baconzgood

            By the way horse. I rubbed Roberto's crotch and said NA-NA-NA-nananannanana yesterday for The Brew Crew but noticed that the Cards beat the Bucks in an afternoon game. Sorry buddy. But I don't mind rubbing Clemente's crotch.

          • horsedreamer_1

            Don't worry. It's only gay if you lick &/or suck it.

            Yaki-Yaki!

        • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

          Thanks for that link. Wonderful dialog.

          • poncho_pilot

            i try. i try.

          • 102415

            Also thanking you.

          • poncho_pilot

            any time!

    • flamingpdog

      I'll have to check out your pole numbers first.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    The House reminds me why I hated the 3rd grade.

    • powersuit

      3rd graders still have a sense of compassion (and a fondness for poop and penis jokes). No, Gohmert is straight on middle school–insecure, selfish, vindictive, manic.

      What a loser. No snark. That this dog barf was actually elected tells you all you need to know about what has happened to our country.

      • GOPCrusher

        When did poop and penis jokes fall out of fashion?

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    I look at the behavior of Republicans as a reminder of what it was like in the "good olde days" if you were black. Acts of petty cruelty by bullies and silent acceptance by the rest of southerners.

    • hagajim

      I guess that makes the Dems the southerners because they aren't about to pop any of those idiots in the face.

      • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

        I was thinking more of Can'tor and Boehner. They don't walk up to the overt racism line but they sure ignore it when they see it.

    • ttommyunger

      Nail head, meet hammer.

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      You're off by a couple hundred years. The TP'ers yearn for 19th century America, which included slavery and after the Civil War a de facto slavery as Jim Crow laws took hold. They love that shit. Ask a TP'er about Civil Rights laws.

  • baconzgood

    Obama: Like OH YEAH!!! Well I'm going to name it American Jobs Act of 2011 Redux. So, like there.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      Just name it "Obamacares about Jobs"

      • ChessieNefercat

        Ohhh, yesss.

    • Guppy06

      "Redux?" Sounds French.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      The REAL American Jobs Act of 2011.

    • Negropolis

      Name it the "You're totally gay if you don't vote for this bill Act of 2011" and see how fast those fuckers' names flash on the congressional scoreboard.

  • fuflans

    Meanwhile, a new poll finds that a plurality of Americans blame the Republicans more than anyone else for destroying America.

    wtf? we were paying attention?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Well, a plurality isn't a majority, it's just the largest number among the choices, I believe. (Punch me for being patronizing if you already knew that.)

      • ChessieNefercat

        Pardon me while I set up my soapbox. I am not the original poster. I am just butting in. Oh, and this is not directed at our dear fuflans. Okay.

        I don't think you should be punched. You saying something that I already know, doesn't make you patronizing. It makes you willing to share information. (There are other people on the planet besides me; some of them may find what you have to say a useful thing to learn.)

        This country (I'm looking at you, 'baggers) needs to bitchslap their whimpering self-esteem and get over the whiningly defensive idea that someone else knowing something that you don't is the mark of an elitist patronizing you with their fancy book-learning stuff.

        a) If you already know it, you (if you are a reasonable person) ignore it, because someone else reading it might not know it.
        b) If you didn't know it, an appropriate response is "Thank you, I didn't know that.

        Hopping down off my soapbox. Pardon me, carry on. Bustling off to butt in elsewhere. Or I could go get dinner going.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Not at the time. Hopefully, people are figuring it out now.

  • hollywooddood

    This reminds me of stealing the other team's mascot before the big football game. Good times.

    • poncho_pilot

      "Your Bra Bomb better work, Nerdlinger!"

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    On those 2 pages, Gohmert wrote down everything he knows. Everything.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    How 'bout we just go with The American Hand Jobs Act

    • V572 T-Blow

      Go big! The American Blow Jobs Act. Make them an entitlement!

    • widestanceshakedown

      How about the Job Creator Gratuitous Fellation Act?

    • hagajim

      Maybe we ought to go with "The We're Tired of Taking it in the Ass while Rich Fucks get Richer Act of 2011"

    • prommie

      I haven't had a hand-job since 1978. What a bit of sexual notsalgia that would be, to get a hand-job. Are hand-jobs cheating?

      • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

        Depends…
        If you are a Repubican and HJ is from another man, no.
        If you are a Repubican and HJ is from a lobbyist, no.
        If you are a Repubican and HJ is from subordinate, no.
        If you are a Demoncrat, yes.

        • chicken_thief

          And: If you are a Republican (even if your name isn't "Vitter") and you pay for said HJ from a woman, no.

      • http://www.wonkette.com sunmusing

        It depends on how you define "nostalgia". I knew a girl named Nostalgia, once….. OMG, that was a blow-job…….never mind. What were we talking about?
        Oh… is masturbating considered a "hand-job"?

        • prommie

          Masturbating is only a hand job if you do "the stranger," which is when you sit on your hand until it falls asleep, gets numb, and then masturbate with that hand.

          • http://www.wonkette.com sunmusing

            Soooo…..If John-John Boehner and Louis meet to discuss the bill, would that be a double dutch rudder?

          • ChessieNefercat

            Goodness, the things I learn on Wonkette.

      • PuckStopsHere

        What's it called if you put fingernail polish on and pretend you're getting jacked off by a girl?

    • HogeyeGrex

      Doesn't seem terribly accurate. Whatever bill makes it through Congress is going to wind up fucking us thoroughly.

    • RedneckMuslin

      Wash your hands and make me a cheese sandwich!

    • Swampgas_Man

      I came up w/ the word "monsterbation" the other night. Guess what I was doing.

      • ChessieNefercat

        Reading the Gohmert version of the "American Jobs Act"?

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    The dems will probably go with The Unemployment Abortion Act.

    • OneDollarJuana

      I'm thinking they'll go with something like "The Pretending to Create Jobs for Americans but Actually Conceding to the Oligarchical Demands of the Wealthy Resulting in Still Fewer Jobs and Increased Income Stratification Act of 2011".

  • tcaalaw

    If I ever invent a time machine, I'm going to go back and tell Lincoln to let Texas leave the union.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      While you're there, be sure Gomer's great-great-grandparents never meet.

      • tcaalaw

        How do you stop a brother and sister from meeting?

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      If you invent a time machine, send all the TP'er back to the 19th century where (when?) they can be happy.

    • poorgradstudent

      And tell Reagan to stick to acting.

    • whiskeybaby

      Don't forget to kill Hitler! I'm sick of people comparing other people to that guy…

  • GuanoFaucet

    Gohmert plans to further fuck with the administration by changing his first name to President.

  • baconzgood

    2 pages for a law? Shit my Child support agreement is longer than that. And all that basically sais is "Pay the bitch or go to jail".

    • LesBontemps

      Joe Walsh, is that you?

      • OneDollarJuana

        'Cept Walsh ain't in jail.

    • hagajim

      Gotta love those Child Support agreements…especially when the State does everything it can to fuck you, but won't lift a finger when your wife is in violation of the custody agreement.

      • baconzgood

        OHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEAH!!!!! The lawyer said "Unless she comes in on herion in panties forget any kinda = custody in PA unless she agrees to it. I don't mind paying Child support but paying for her to have 2 cars, and a 3 week vacation at the Outerbanks I do. I've NEVER and I mean NEVER took a week off to go on vacation in my LIFE!

  • prommie

    London is drowning and I live by the river.

    • widestanceshakedown

      How do we get phony teapeople mania to bite the dust?

    • V572 T-Blow

      But really, "McCabe and Mrs Miller" is a better movie.

      • prommie

        But its all just so beautiful.

        • V572 T-Blow

          Alan Ball's stuff has something cold and clinical about it, although it's very good. I prefer the sloppy genius of Altman, whose many failures are rendered inconsequential by his triumphs. "Gosford Park," for instance, where rich English lady Maggie Smith lives in a world so narrow and comfortable that she is baffled when social climbing American Bob Balaban says "Okay" to her. "Oaew kay?" she asks, nose in the air, apparently never having heard the expression before.

          • prommie

            Derp derp. I like American Beauty because you get to see both Mena Suvari and Thora Burch's boobs, and, dude, everyone is totally getting high all through the movie, its a total stoner movie, man.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

      Is that from The Clash?

      • prommie

        Oui, Monsieur. Please forgive my non-sequitors, nothing makes sense to me lately and I take comfort in being nonsensical.

        • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

          You can't go wrong, in my opinion, by quoting The Clash.

          • prommie

            Rudy can't fail?

          • horsedreamer_1

            Isn't Sean Astin a Teabagger?

            In that case, I would say Rudy can fail quite a lot.

          • widestanceshakedown

            It has been said.

            (Not only here.)

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            You lot!
            – What?!
            Don't stop! Give it all you got!

          • widestanceshakedown

            Maaaaaaaagnificent!

    • Sparky_McGruff

      I live in a van… down by the river!

    • jqheywood

      Personally:
      I'm all lost in the supermarket
      I can no longer shop happily
      I came in here for that special offer
      A guaranteed personality

      • prommie

        Why do you try to cheat?
        And trample people under your feet
        Don't you know it is wrong?
        To cheat the trying man
        So you better stop, it is the wrong 'em boyo

        • widestanceshakedown

          I've been very hungry, but not enough to kill.

        • Come here a minute

          Don't use the rules,
          They're not for you, they're for the fools.
          And you're a fool if you don't know that.
          So use the rules you stupid fool.

    • HarryButtle

      I'm feelin' a little more like this happy little ditty:

      When they kick out your front door
      How you gonna come?
      With your hands on your head
      Or on the trigger of your gun

      • Swampgas_Man

        This finger's got no ring
        This finger can point at anything.
        Don't talk shop.
        FINGERPOP!

  • metamarcisf

    Destroying the Corporate Income Tax structure would have the effect of nullifying all the loopholes that people like General Electric and Newscorp make use of to get hundreds of millions in tax credits and refunds. This gomer really does not know what he;s doing, does he?

    • Ducksworthy

      He doesn't care. GOP! GOP!

    • yrbmegr

      So abolishing the corporate income tax is THE LARGEST TAX INCREASE IN AMERICAN HISTORY!!!!!!

      I expect a call from Fox News shortly.

  • FakaktaSouth

    "I see you driving 'round town with the jobs act I wrote and I'm like, fuck you, and fuck her too…yeah…"

  • http://theblueelite.blogspot.com simplyblue7

    Surprising republican tactic? Hahaha, hardly.

    • fuflans

      not surprising, not really a tactic.

      more like a fart.

  • powersuit

    Apparently Democrats in Congress WANT to lose the vote on this bill, just like they want to lose in 2012 and 2014, and 2016 . . . .

    It's been a week since the Speech, and Republicans are sucking up TV time trashing the prez's bill at a ratio of 20:1 to Democrats supporting it. Really, it's been crickets.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Stupid Dems are probably busy actually writing a bill, silly useful people.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      You don't need a world ranking in 20-level chess to understand that that's not the point.

  • SorosBot

    Wouldn't it have made more sense to steal the title for a bill that might have created one single job, instead of indirectly destroying them?

    • OneDollarJuana

      Small correction: free trade agreements as currently structured directly destroy jobs.

  • widestanceshakedown

    Shouldn't that read 'Goiter-Headed Anal Tampon Cozy' Louie Gohmert?

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Pat Robertson says its okay to divorce your spouse if they get Alzheimer's, presumably because they are brain dead.

    Hope Lou's wife got the message. Now she has grounds-he's brain dead, too..

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I suppose it's OK to then dump them on the street, since they'll be off your policy, and public medical care is a commie-socialist thing.

      • ChessieNefercat

        Well, duh. It's called personal responsibility! You should think of the consequences before running out and deciding to get Alzheimers.

    • widestanceshakedown

      I was surprised by this from Robertson, since he's only fucked brain-dead women. None of them have ever said, no or stop or ewww.

  • mavenmaven

    They will blame the republicans but still choose them to lead the country to further destruction because anything is better than listening to a black man.

  • Mort_Sinclair

    Texas really is the asshole, in all its permutations, of America.

    • OneDollarJuana

      So which of these states, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Arkansas, or Louisiana, is the taint?

      • BarryOPotter

        Why the partial list of taint?

        • jqheywood

          Arizona is most definitely tainty…

    • BarryOPotter

      Well, if Detroit is the armpit, Florida the schlong, then Texass is clearly the asshole. It, er…, just fits.

  • DaRooster

    Keepin' them corporate taxes low-negative truly does work wonders for jobs…

    Hey people, wherever the fuck you are… STOP VOTING FOR THESE FUCKING MORONS- they will not be happy until you are all dead! Wake the fuck up for Christ's sake!

    • GOPCrusher

      Well, they have the last ten years of economic Nirvana to use as proof that low taxes create jobs.

  • DaRooster

    "…naughty children stealing other peoples’ homework."

    He only stole the title… this Dipshit couldn't turn in a 155 page paper unless it needed to be smeared with poo.

  • horsedreamer_1

    American Jobs Act is abbreviated AJA. So, clearly, this is just stealth means to pollute our children's minds with free-jazz.

    • Moonbat

      I don't know that I'd call Steely Dan free jazz, but I do kinda wish the Republicans (sterting with but by no means ending with or limited to Louis Gohmert) would just take their big Black Cow and get out of here, already.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    This guy needs a bitch-slappin from a professional who nonetheless speaks his vernacular.

    "Rosco Louie, zip your flappin' lip. You're lettin' the cold air into your empty head." — Boss Hogg

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    How about the "Fuck You Teatards, the President is Black Act"?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Corporate taxes are just a cost of doing business… guess who actually coughs up the dough that corporations use to pay them? It's basically a sales tax, and regressive.

    Democrats ought to take Gomer's bill, raise taxes on the rich to make up the difference, as the Republitards insist should be done, and throw the fucking document back at them. The look on the faces of Gomer and his fellow cretins would be priceless.

    • OneDollarJuana

      I'm not against that, in principle, as long as the impacts to local communities is accounted is paid for out of those taxes, and as long as the foreign owners of those corporations get the shit taxed out of them, too.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    "Gohmert touted his two-page bill as a simple alternative"

    simple: unlearned; ignorant; lacking mental acuteness or sense; inconsequential or rudimentary.

    Works for me.

  • Goonemeritus

    Were I in Congress I would submit the Louie Gohmert Bill. It would simply mandate that no one be allowed to say the name Louie Gohmert without using the phrase “is a Douche” directly after.

  • OKthennext

    Today, I am embarrassed to be a Democrat. (Tape 'kick me' sign here.)

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    The bill would “amend the Internal Revenue Code of 1986 to repeal the corporate income tax.”

    At least it isn't a transparent use of legislative resources to troll for campaign contributions.

  • poncho_pilot

    i really love Gohmert's band The New Originals.

    • jodyleek

      Hopefully, there is a bizarre gardening accident in Gomer's future.

      • poncho_pilot

        Stumpy Joe/Green Globule 2012

  • HistoriCat

    Gohmert is now on the list of people I need to stay away from since I don't think I could restrain myself from kicking him in the crotch.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      I'm guessing you're not allowed within 50 miles of Washington DC.

    • fuflans

      well i imagine i speak for many of us when i say i think you should get a whole lot closer.

    • metamarcisf

      Sol?

  • DaRooster

    Can this guy maggot not be sued for Trademark infringement as the President clearly had a booklet with the same title on National TV and mentioned it a couple of hundred times?
    (I know someone here can answer this)

    • Thurman Munster IV

      As your lawyer, I recommend that you take a few hits of blotter and things will begin to make more sense.

      • jqheywood

        As your attorney I advise you to tell me where you put the goddamn mescaline

    • OneDollarJuana

      Don't think you can trademark the title of a booklet.

      • DaRooster

        Copyright?

  • BlueStateLibel

    This reminds me of one of my shithead business competitors who stole something from me, and even though I'm a non-violent person, my initial and correct response was to want to kick them in the teeth.

  • HedonismBot

    Are you fuckin' shitting me?!?!? That is so damned ridiculous.

  • ttommyunger

    Texans must be so proud today. No, no snark; sadly.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Meanwhile, a new poll finds that a large plurality of Americans blame the Republicans more than anyone else for destroying America…

    This is news for Western Civlization.

  • freakishlywrong

    Who the fuck votes for these imbecilic assholes? Oh, is that Texas you say?

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Here's a better GOP jobs proposal: outlaw compact flourescent lighting – think of the jobs it will create in the incandescent bulb industry!!

    • BarackMyWorld

      I know you're being sarcastic, but NBC (I think) ran a story about how Texas legislators (big shock) wanted to do exactly that and gain that result.

    • GOPCrusher

      On NPR this AM, a woman called in saying that the new law is just an opportunity for the government to control us and she was positive that it meant that you had to replace all of your light bulbs on Jan. 1 or the cops would show up at your house.

  • io9k9s

    i didn't know you could turn in legislation written with jumbo crayon color red, not to mention the backward title – no doubt copied from the presidents act using silly putty….

  • BarackMyWorld

    But but but…

    Once corporate taxes are eliminated, the extra revenue will, of course, be used to create jobs in the United States!!!

    WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG???

  • poncho_pilot

    Obama could rename his act the "Republicans Have Big Dicks And Are In No Way, Shape, Or Form All A Bunch Of Closet Cases Because They Eat More Chicken Than Any Man's Ever Seen Act Of 2011".

    see if the R's vote against that.

  • MiniMencken

    It's now official: Obama could fuck up buttered toast, or at least a bill creating a national Buttered Toast Day.

  • DustBowlBlues

    No time to comment or read article, but have to share this news, just in:
    Laughing is healthy in all kinds of ways, according to researchers. So next time the old man asks me what I was doing all day, I'll just cold admit I've been working out. Because, god knows in these crappy, crappy, pretty much the apocolypse times, nothing makes me laugh more than wonkette and the wonkeratti.

    • DaRooster

      Laughter is the best medicine… so if you see someone fall down and break their arm, just laugh at them… until they pass out.
      Voila. Repugnant, grade school healthcare.

  • Tundra Grifter

    I heard Louie Gommer on Sheer uh "Am i uh An Idiot?" uh InSannity's radio show ranting that President Obama's proposal would eliminate the special tax provision for investors in oil and gas wells. Apparently if the hole is dry, the investor gets a tax break.

    I thought the conservatives wanted a tax code that "doesn't pick winners and losers."

    In this case, it sure picked a whinner and a loser.

  • Soylent Green

    Enjoy working at MickyDeez, Texas. The jokes on you! Hahahahaha!

  • Soylent Green

    Now's the chance to rename the bill to 'Declaration Awesomeness!!'

  • http://www.wonkette.com sunmusing

    What was the reason, again, why we can't beat the shit out of these assholes?

  • poncho_pilot

    anyway, Louis Gohmert? that name sounds a little French to me.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    because corporations need every break and they still will piss on everyone…

  • Soylent Green

    In 1955, the grade school bully was stuck in detention. As being passed over for 6th grade – twice – and in a fit of childish rage, he conveyed his bitterness with only a crayon and a couple of pieces of paper. 57 years later, the grade school bully presented his essay to Congress. Saved for only a single update. The title 'Kill Commie Robots with Polio' was scribbled out and replaced with 'American Jobs Act'. By Louie Gohmert, 5th Grade.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Arms raised in a 'vee'
      & the Dems lay
      in pools of maroon below

  • genxr

    In more positive news, all the climate deniers spent the past 24 hours watching Current TV and have now changed their minds.

    All is well.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    VP of Finance of General Electric: "Louis Gomert just introduced a bill to get rid of all corporate income taxes."

    CEO of General Electric: "Corporate income taxes–never heard of them."

    General hilarity ensues.

  • prommie

    The news the last few weeks, with Bachman and Palin and Teatards applauding executions and "let them die," it has left me snarkless, and snarkless, I am speechless, so I have nothing to offfer but to quote my betters. Dorothy Parker's line is all I feel anymore when I see some new evidence of amurrican idiocy: "what fresh hell is this?" And my coping strategy can be paraphrased from Churchill: "I could not live without gin (heroin, whatever, insert your preference). In victory, I deserve it, in defeat, I need it."

  • comrad_darkness

    The mantra from the dems really needs to be: Really? More of the same? This is the same old thing since 1980 and since then poverty has skyrocketed, wages for the middle class have plummeted, household AND federal debt is at record highs, and nearly half of America's children are on food stamps. And you want more of this? REALLY? Are you a total idiot or just an asshole?

    • BarryOPotter

      When you're right, you're right, and C_D, you are right.

  • flamingpdog

    If I had a magic wand, I'd wave it and give Louie Gohmert piles.

  • Redhead

    "Meanwhile, a new poll finds that a large plurality of Americans blame the Republicans more than anyone else for destroying America with their petulant refusal to govern like a dignified body of elected lawmakers in favor of running around like naughty children stealing other peoples’ homework."

    Alright Kristen. Will you gay marry me (now, before any other states outlaw it)?

  • axmxz

    It was only two pages long because the bill just said "Dear Santa, MAke So i no have to pay money to govbrment nomore" in size 38 Comic Sans Serif.

  • chicken_thief

    I suspect a misprint in the reporting. I believe it was "Louie Gohmert was on two pages (having one of them fancy smancy menage a tres)" not "the American Jobs Act of 2011 was on two pages".

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Corporations are people and Gohmert cares about people.

  • Limeylizzie

    Can we just go with Big, Bad Nigger's Jobs Act?

  • Weenus299

    The White House countered with a one-sentence bill proposal titled "The Goh-Mert Yourself Act"

  • notreelyhelping

    I'm still thinking Louis' entry in the history books will be a wee bit smaller than…well, just about everybody else in the history books.

  • El Pinche

    The GOP utopia is where everyone works at minimum wage at Pizza Hut, and all the children are homeschooled. Elitist college and high tech jobs for the "orientals."

    • horsedreamer_1

      That would hasten our colonization by the Inscrutable Chinee.

      Are you saying the Republicans are actually abetting the Red Sinocalypse?

  • Eve8Apples

    The good news, "Suck my black cock Louie 2011" is still available.

  • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

    Corporations already don't pay taxes so whats the point.

  • Negropolis

    The president should simply turn to Lolspeak and have some member name it the "'Merikun Jobz Act". Problem solved.

  • ragnarok4msm

    The Bush administration had decided to conduct an independent market analysis of Solyndra before approving the loan, delaying the approval of the loan until after the analysis was completed.

    So why did Obama push the loan through anyway? Why did they restructure it to benefit his donor? Was Bush secretly brainwashing Obama in his sleep or something?

    To insinuate that Bush is to blame for Solyndra is irrational based on the documented facts. Obama did it. Period.

  • WunkRocker

    I see this as an opportunity to have " The US American Jobs Act Paid for by Taxing the Fuck Out of Texas Forever, Amen Act." Or in short "Fuck Perry Tax Act"

  • BarryOPotter

    I find Richard Cheese's dictum to carry more veracity: "People Are Shit."

  • Negropolis

    WIN!!!!1!!!1!