SOMEONE NEEDS A NAP  9:52 am September 15, 2011

Childish Republican Gleefully Steals ‘American Jobs Act’ Title From Obama

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Har har, we really got him this time, boys!Imbecile Texas Republican Louie Gohmert is rolling around on the floor of his congressional office in a fit of snickering and spittle, because he figured out that no lawmaker had officially proposed Barack Obama’s American Jobs Act to Congress. This means that technically speaking, the name “American Jobs Act” did not yet exist in the files, because the Democrats are losers. Gohmert immediately pooped himself with puerile excitement and ran off to scribble “American Jobs Act: no more corporate taxes forever” on two sheets of paper and then handed it over to the House. BAM, filed. He wins, that’s it! The name is his! Hahahahaha, take that, uppity Negro President! Go tell everyone to pass the American Jobs Act now!

From the Daily Caller:

Rep. Louis Gohmert (R-TX) has gone a step further than mere talking points, snagging the name “American Jobs Act” for his own bill in the House. Gohmert named his bill Wednesday morning, according to his office, before any Democratic representative had introduced Obama’s bill for him.

“After waiting to see what the President would actually put into legislative language, and then waiting to see if anybody would actually introduce the President’s bill in the House, today I took the initiative and introduced the ‘American Jobs Act of 2011,’” Gohmert said in a statement Wednesday afternoon.

The bill would “amend the Internal Revenue Code of 1986 to repeal the corporate income tax.”Gohmert touted his two-page bill as a simple alternative to Obama’s 155-page legislation and ends the press release cheekily, “If we really want to create jobs and grow the economy, we must pass ‘The American Jobs Act’ now.”

Meanwhile, a new poll finds that a large plurality of Americans blame the Republicans more than anyone else for destroying America with their petulant refusal to govern like a dignified body of elected lawmakers in favor of running around like naughty children stealing other peoples’ homework. [Daily Caller]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 252 comments }

MrFizzy September 15, 2011 at 9:54 am

Gohmert Pyle, R-TX. Surprise, surprise, surprise.

Terry September 15, 2011 at 10:01 am

Who votes for these idiots?

MonsterAGoGo September 15, 2011 at 10:03 am

Other idiots, duh.

baconzgood September 15, 2011 at 10:06 am

R-TX. I rest my case Terry.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 15, 2011 at 10:21 am

Stands for Retard-TX.

weejee September 15, 2011 at 10:31 am

We need to take up a collection for chascates to train his chickens to become idjet assassins and sic them on the peckerheads.

musesdarling September 15, 2011 at 10:51 am

Well, golllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly!

mormos September 15, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Gohmert Pyle was a man who cared about Mayberry and the people in it. Don't sully the name and the man by comparing him to this jackass.

ifthethunderdontgetya September 15, 2011 at 9:56 am

Thus proving (once again) that Republicans don't care about the deficit, the jobs, or anything else except making the rich even richer.

Now if only we had an actual opposition party…
~

MrFizzy September 15, 2011 at 10:15 am

I have lately been thinking how easy it would be for a reasonable person to just dominate the Republican party – I bet you 75% of conservatives are just thinking "what a bunch of fucking morons we have running this party". All you'd have to do is say that the tea party is a fringe group, and that you'd be willing to work with Dems in the context of fiscal restraint.

LesBontemps September 15, 2011 at 10:20 am

Ask Jon Huntsman how that's working out.

MrFizzy September 15, 2011 at 10:24 am

A very good point indeed. It would be interesting to see someone like Romney take a detour, but I don't think that's gonna happen – by the time they get to that point they're pretty well brainwashed. Too bad for us all.

chicken_thief September 15, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Or Gary Johnson….

Biel_ze_Bubba September 15, 2011 at 10:22 am

That's working so well for Huntsman.

mereoblivion September 15, 2011 at 10:26 am

I'm sensing a trend.

MrFizzy September 15, 2011 at 10:27 am

Quite right – I think I made a temporary stop in the twilight zone, thinking that reasonable and republican could occupy the same sentence, nevermind a political position.

Chet Kincaid September 15, 2011 at 10:34 am

Bless your heart.

MrFizzy September 15, 2011 at 10:39 am

Yeah, yeah – I have to lay off the mezcal before noon. I actually do believe this on some level though – it's just that that the conservative political/propaganda (sorry, redundant) machine isn't ever going to allow anyone reasonable to get any traction – where's the money in that? Oh well. Panama is looking pretty goddamn good at this point.

Not_So_Much September 15, 2011 at 11:48 am

Admirable, really wish it were feasible. The lunatic fringe is what sells in that party. They're having a 'Crazy Off' for the nomination right now, then the winner will dial it back to they don't scare Teh Oldz. And what are they gonna do — vote for a, uh, 'non-white person' of questionable heritage?

GOPCrusher September 15, 2011 at 1:08 pm

It's too bad that people like Huntsman and Romney have to pander to the asshats that make up the current base of the Republiklan Party in order to get the sheckles.

Toomush_Infer September 16, 2011 at 11:42 am

thus making feckless look reasonable…

OzoneTom September 15, 2011 at 10:35 am

Actually, it may be useful that the GOP has put down it's entire job-creating formula in such a clear manner.

A hypothetical opposition party could come up with something that might resonate with the masses to compete. Call it the “American Peoples Jobs Act”

HedonismBot September 15, 2011 at 11:16 am

"Thus proving (once again) that Republicans don't care about the deficit, the jobs, or anything else except making the rich even richer. "
Now now. Give them a little more credit. They also care an awful lot about finding novel and juvenile new ways to humiliate the president.

Boojum_Reborn September 15, 2011 at 12:22 pm

How about the Populist Party? Platform: (1) Who you marry is none of our business. (2) People who make shit loads of money should pay shit loads of taxes or we will just cold take that money away from them. (3) We will use that tax money to build shit that people need and need to build. (4) If you shoot at us, we will shoot back, but we are not in the business of using tax money to hire security guards for companies who are making money in other countries.

chicken_thief September 15, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Maybe add in a little somethin somethin about "if you own or run a business and you can't police yourself, we'll do it for you".

Sue4466 September 15, 2011 at 9:57 am

Bush. Perry. Gohmert.

Molly Ivins is dead and Jim Hightower can move.

Please, Texas, secede allfuckingready.

Major Thom September 15, 2011 at 10:39 am

If they secede, can we bomb them??

Callyson September 15, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Now, *that's* a thought actually…a few decent – minded folks in Austin and the like can start an uprising after Texas secedes, and then we'll be fighting for democracy…
Oh wait–I am getting over my caffeine buzz and remembering how well our interventions usually work. Never mind…

Negropolis September 15, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Well, they do have enough brown people to justify such a campaign, after all. Of course, we'd leave them alone, and maybe we'd make Austin a "West Berlin" enclave.

JustPixelz September 15, 2011 at 11:21 am

Maybe we could secede first. All of us. Except Texas.

Sue4466 September 15, 2011 at 11:28 am

A much more proactive approach! Yes, let's!

elviouslyqueer September 15, 2011 at 2:54 pm

I've said it before, and I'll say it again:

Your move, Mexico.

Chillwaver September 15, 2011 at 9:57 am

”Gohmert touted his two-page bill as a simple alternative to Obama’s 155-page legislation…"

Did Gohmert steal this bill from Herman Cain?

mrblifil September 15, 2011 at 10:11 am

I wonder how many pages his agreement with Exxon runs?

Biel_ze_Bubba September 15, 2011 at 10:23 am

I write those all the time. They're very short.

Chet Kincaid September 15, 2011 at 11:00 am

Would you throw exclusive use of a succubus into my pact? I hear they're wild in bed.

Guppy06 September 15, 2011 at 10:35 am

Are you suggesting a Republican would have a black man do all the work but still take all the credit?

JustPixelz September 15, 2011 at 11:21 am

Two pages. I wonder what kind of paper clip he used.

kissawookiee September 15, 2011 at 11:47 am

Lousy Gospel stylings over 9/11 porn or GTFO.

yrbmegr September 15, 2011 at 1:20 pm

No, but he had to get a staffer to spell "American" for him.

Dashboard_Jesus September 18, 2011 at 12:47 am

I believe Gomert spells it 'Merkan

AlterNewt September 15, 2011 at 9:57 am

Good job, Dems. Do that diligence.

Not_So_Much September 15, 2011 at 11:50 am

It's like there's a permanent 'Yakety Sax' soundtrack running on everything do. (sigh)

Come here a minute September 15, 2011 at 9:58 am

Now the Democrat who introduces the bill will have to rename it to "The American Jobs Act of 2011 and Fuck You Louie Gohmert."

hagajim September 15, 2011 at 10:01 am

Or would it be the American Jobs and Fuck You Louie Gohmert Act of 2011?

DaRooster September 15, 2011 at 10:19 am

I prefer the-
Fuckin' Douche-Bag Louie Gohmert Is A Douche and Doesn't Know How To Act.

Guppy06 September 15, 2011 at 10:36 am

The WE'RE FUCKED Act of 2011.

Not_So_Much September 15, 2011 at 11:50 am

Approved. I will support that bill.

Callyson September 15, 2011 at 12:46 pm

The Democrat who does that will receive a small but meaningful contribution from me, stat. Come on, Dems, time for *someone* to have a backbone…

Chichikovovich September 15, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Excellent! Though I would also accept "Jobs II: this Time it's Personal Act"

ChessieNefercat September 15, 2011 at 5:55 pm

How about "The Bestest Ever American Jobs Act, so there, dumbass Republicans who think games like Gohmert's will win the hearts and minds of sentient* Americans."

*Note to Republicans; "sentient" is not an ethnic group. Dumbasses.

GunToting[Redacted] September 15, 2011 at 9:58 am

This is just like the time I registered for the domain name http://www.syphilitic-asshole.com . As expected, Gohmert offered me $10m for it.

mavenmaven September 15, 2011 at 10:25 am

There must be a metal band with that name already, no?

horsedreamer_1 September 15, 2011 at 10:29 am

I don't know, man. Seth Putnam is dead.

poncho_pilot September 15, 2011 at 11:15 am

You Look Adopted.

caitifty September 15, 2011 at 10:34 am

"Oops! Google Chrome could not find syphilitic-asshole!" Well that's a relief.

Major Thom September 15, 2011 at 10:41 am

I actually tried your link. How dumb was that?

DaRooster September 15, 2011 at 11:04 am

Thanks… I went there and got a virus!

jqheywood September 15, 2011 at 11:08 am

Don't give a dose to the one you love most!

GunToting[Redacted] September 15, 2011 at 11:09 am

Hmm… I would have expected a spirochete.

DaRooster September 15, 2011 at 11:14 am

They don't have them for 'puters yet…

GunToting[Redacted] September 15, 2011 at 11:30 am

True, but they have “worms,” so that could possibly work. Maybe Gohmert has the same strain of hookworm as SP…

Spurning Beer September 15, 2011 at 9:58 am

Since the title has not been previously claimed, I will be publishing "The Autobiography of Louis Gohmert: Memoirs of an Imbecile."

Limeylizzie September 15, 2011 at 2:11 pm

I am writing a book, no really I am, and I need a name for the asshole villain…

hagajim September 15, 2011 at 9:59 am

Is Louis Gohmert just another Gomer or what? Meanwhile, down in Green Acres, "a new poll finds that a plurality of Americans blame the Republicans for destroying America" – but yet they plan to vote for imbecile Rick Perry, magic underwear man Mittens Romney, or batshit crazy zealot Michelle Bachmann before they'd vote for that Kenyan Mooslim again.

MrFizzy September 15, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Hey that's what our country was based on, and don't forget it, goddammit.

JoshuaNorton September 15, 2011 at 10:02 am

Up next: A new wingnut bill called "The Constitution" and one called "Declaration of Independence". Neither one will have anything to do with their titles, but how could you be against The Constitution, commie?

Sue4466 September 15, 2011 at 11:28 am

It's like the "Clear Skies" bill. How can you say you're against clear skies? think of the children. Even though it had nothing to do with clearing the skies, except of breathable air.

HogeyeGrex September 15, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Speaking of the children, how about "No Child Left Behind"? Or my personal favorite bit of doublespeak, the "Help America Vote Act"?

ChessieNefercat September 15, 2011 at 5:58 pm

This could be fun. How about a bill called "The Second Amendment." It would include The Marriage Liberty Act, and The Medicare for All Act. You know, because a well-regulated militia, etc…

ManchuCandidate September 15, 2011 at 10:02 am

Gohmert should be reminded of this. He can laugh now, but most of the time he is the joke.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6nR7mgjfmE

An_Outhouse September 15, 2011 at 12:36 pm

I really admire what it takes to be a congressman. I would have jumped over desks and punched the living shit out of that snivelling coward. Murtha almost had him crying.

baconzgood September 15, 2011 at 10:02 am

I beat him! I named my cock American Jobs Act. So everyone has to get busy on the American Jobs Act. For America.

DaRooster September 15, 2011 at 10:21 am

Freedom!

Chet Kincaid September 15, 2011 at 10:37 am

I'd like to see you introduce that before the House.

baconzgood September 15, 2011 at 10:41 am

Please rise.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 15, 2011 at 10:47 am

I've named my asshole Louie Gohmert. I dare you to find the difference when he speaks and I fart.

LesBontemps September 15, 2011 at 10:59 am

Your farts are not as foul.

ChessieNefercat September 15, 2011 at 5:59 pm

A veritable, er, breath of fresh air.

poncho_pilot September 15, 2011 at 11:01 am

ladies and gentlemen, Peter Weller:
http://youtu.be/GRjIwOk_Nqw

horsedreamer_1 September 15, 2011 at 11:22 am

With or without unicorn?

poncho_pilot September 15, 2011 at 11:27 am

no unicorn–just a large quantity of the powdered, black meat of the giant, aquatic, Brazilian centipede.

baconzgood September 15, 2011 at 11:42 am

By the way horse. I rubbed Roberto's crotch and said NA-NA-NA-nananannanana yesterday for The Brew Crew but noticed that the Cards beat the Bucks in an afternoon game. Sorry buddy. But I don't mind rubbing Clemente's crotch.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 15, 2011 at 11:33 am

Thanks for that link. Wonderful dialog.

poncho_pilot September 15, 2011 at 11:47 am

i try. i try.

flamingpdog September 15, 2011 at 12:15 pm

I'll have to check out your pole numbers first.

OC_Surf_Serf September 15, 2011 at 10:03 am

The House reminds me why I hated the 3rd grade.

powersuit September 15, 2011 at 10:12 am

3rd graders still have a sense of compassion (and a fondness for poop and penis jokes). No, Gohmert is straight on middle school–insecure, selfish, vindictive, manic.

What a loser. No snark. That this dog barf was actually elected tells you all you need to know about what has happened to our country.

GOPCrusher September 15, 2011 at 1:14 pm

When did poop and penis jokes fall out of fashion?

Maman September 15, 2011 at 10:03 am

I look at the behavior of Republicans as a reminder of what it was like in the "good olde days" if you were black. Acts of petty cruelty by bullies and silent acceptance by the rest of southerners.

hagajim September 15, 2011 at 11:03 am

I guess that makes the Dems the southerners because they aren't about to pop any of those idiots in the face.

Maman September 15, 2011 at 11:32 am

I was thinking more of Can'tor and Boehner. They don't walk up to the overt racism line but they sure ignore it when they see it.

ttommyunger September 15, 2011 at 11:11 am

Nail head, meet hammer.

JustPixelz September 15, 2011 at 11:27 am

You're off by a couple hundred years. The TP'ers yearn for 19th century America, which included slavery and after the Civil War a de facto slavery as Jim Crow laws took hold. They love that shit. Ask a TP'er about Civil Rights laws.

baconzgood September 15, 2011 at 10:04 am

Obama: Like OH YEAH!!! Well I'm going to name it American Jobs Act of 2011 Redux. So, like there.

Maman September 15, 2011 at 10:21 am

Just name it "Obamacares about Jobs"

ChessieNefercat September 15, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Ohhh, yesss.

Guppy06 September 15, 2011 at 4:52 pm

"Redux?" Sounds French.

ShaveTheWhales September 15, 2011 at 8:48 pm

The REAL American Jobs Act of 2011.

Negropolis September 15, 2011 at 11:40 pm

Name it the "You're totally gay if you don't vote for this bill Act of 2011" and see how fast those fuckers' names flash on the congressional scoreboard.

fuflans September 15, 2011 at 10:06 am

Meanwhile, a new poll finds that a plurality of Americans blame the Republicans more than anyone else for destroying America.

wtf? we were paying attention?

Chet Kincaid September 15, 2011 at 10:40 am

Well, a plurality isn't a majority, it's just the largest number among the choices, I believe. (Punch me for being patronizing if you already knew that.)

ChessieNefercat September 15, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Pardon me while I set up my soapbox. I am not the original poster. I am just butting in. Oh, and this is not directed at our dear fuflans. Okay.

I don't think you should be punched. You saying something that I already know, doesn't make you patronizing. It makes you willing to share information. (There are other people on the planet besides me; some of them may find what you have to say a useful thing to learn.)

This country (I'm looking at you, 'baggers) needs to bitchslap their whimpering self-esteem and get over the whiningly defensive idea that someone else knowing something that you don't is the mark of an elitist patronizing you with their fancy book-learning stuff.

a) If you already know it, you (if you are a reasonable person) ignore it, because someone else reading it might not know it.
b) If you didn't know it, an appropriate response is "Thank you, I didn't know that.

Hopping down off my soapbox. Pardon me, carry on. Bustling off to butt in elsewhere. Or I could go get dinner going.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 15, 2011 at 10:41 am

Not at the time. Hopefully, people are figuring it out now.

hollywooddood September 15, 2011 at 10:06 am

This reminds me of stealing the other team's mascot before the big football game. Good times.

poncho_pilot September 15, 2011 at 10:56 am

"Your Bra Bomb better work, Nerdlinger!"

OC_Surf_Serf September 15, 2011 at 10:06 am

On those 2 pages, Gohmert wrote down everything he knows. Everything.

OC_Surf_Serf September 15, 2011 at 10:07 am

How 'bout we just go with The American Hand Jobs Act

V572 T-Blow September 15, 2011 at 10:23 am

Go big! The American Blow Jobs Act. Make them an entitlement!

widestanceshakedown September 15, 2011 at 10:26 am

How about the Job Creator Gratuitous Fellation Act?

hagajim September 15, 2011 at 11:04 am

Maybe we ought to go with "The We're Tired of Taking it in the Ass while Rich Fucks get Richer Act of 2011"

prommie September 15, 2011 at 11:08 am

I haven't had a hand-job since 1978. What a bit of sexual notsalgia that would be, to get a hand-job. Are hand-jobs cheating?

JustPixelz September 15, 2011 at 11:32 am

Depends…
If you are a Repubican and HJ is from another man, no.
If you are a Repubican and HJ is from a lobbyist, no.
If you are a Repubican and HJ is from subordinate, no.
If you are a Demoncrat, yes.

chicken_thief September 15, 2011 at 1:02 pm

And: If you are a Republican (even if your name isn't "Vitter") and you pay for said HJ from a woman, no.

sunmusing September 15, 2011 at 11:34 am

It depends on how you define "nostalgia". I knew a girl named Nostalgia, once….. OMG, that was a blow-job…….never mind. What were we talking about?
Oh… is masturbating considered a "hand-job"?

prommie September 15, 2011 at 11:50 am

Masturbating is only a hand job if you do "the stranger," which is when you sit on your hand until it falls asleep, gets numb, and then masturbate with that hand.

sunmusing September 15, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Soooo…..If John-John Boehner and Louis meet to discuss the bill, would that be a double dutch rudder?

ChessieNefercat September 15, 2011 at 6:22 pm

Goodness, the things I learn on Wonkette.

PuckStopsHere September 15, 2011 at 1:20 pm

What's it called if you put fingernail polish on and pretend you're getting jacked off by a girl?

HogeyeGrex September 15, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Doesn't seem terribly accurate. Whatever bill makes it through Congress is going to wind up fucking us thoroughly.

RedneckMuslin September 15, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Wash your hands and make me a cheese sandwich!

Swampgas_Man September 15, 2011 at 3:57 pm

I came up w/ the word "monsterbation" the other night. Guess what I was doing.

ChessieNefercat September 15, 2011 at 6:23 pm

Reading the Gohmert version of the "American Jobs Act"?

deanbooth September 15, 2011 at 10:08 am

The dems will probably go with The Unemployment Abortion Act.

OneDollarJuana September 15, 2011 at 11:06 am

I'm thinking they'll go with something like "The Pretending to Create Jobs for Americans but Actually Conceding to the Oligarchical Demands of the Wealthy Resulting in Still Fewer Jobs and Increased Income Stratification Act of 2011".

tcaalaw September 15, 2011 at 10:08 am

If I ever invent a time machine, I'm going to go back and tell Lincoln to let Texas leave the union.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 15, 2011 at 10:43 am

While you're there, be sure Gomer's great-great-grandparents never meet.

tcaalaw September 16, 2011 at 10:49 am

How do you stop a brother and sister from meeting?

JustPixelz September 15, 2011 at 11:33 am

If you invent a time machine, send all the TP'er back to the 19th century where (when?) they can be happy.

poorgradstudent September 15, 2011 at 1:18 pm

And tell Reagan to stick to acting.

whiskeybaby September 15, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Don't forget to kill Hitler! I'm sick of people comparing other people to that guy…

GuanoFaucet September 15, 2011 at 10:08 am

Gohmert plans to further fuck with the administration by changing his first name to President.

baconzgood September 15, 2011 at 10:09 am

2 pages for a law? Shit my Child support agreement is longer than that. And all that basically sais is "Pay the bitch or go to jail".

LesBontemps September 15, 2011 at 10:24 am

Joe Walsh, is that you?

OneDollarJuana September 15, 2011 at 11:06 am

'Cept Walsh ain't in jail.

hagajim September 15, 2011 at 11:06 am

Gotta love those Child Support agreements…especially when the State does everything it can to fuck you, but won't lift a finger when your wife is in violation of the custody agreement.

baconzgood September 15, 2011 at 11:56 am

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEAH!!!!! The lawyer said "Unless she comes in on herion in panties forget any kinda = custody in PA unless she agrees to it. I don't mind paying Child support but paying for her to have 2 cars, and a 3 week vacation at the Outerbanks I do. I've NEVER and I mean NEVER took a week off to go on vacation in my LIFE!

prommie September 15, 2011 at 10:11 am

London is drowning and I live by the river.

widestanceshakedown September 15, 2011 at 10:22 am

How do we get phony teapeople mania to bite the dust?

V572 T-Blow September 15, 2011 at 10:24 am

But really, "McCabe and Mrs Miller" is a better movie.

prommie September 15, 2011 at 10:51 am

But its all just so beautiful.

V572 T-Blow September 15, 2011 at 11:09 am

Alan Ball's stuff has something cold and clinical about it, although it's very good. I prefer the sloppy genius of Altman, whose many failures are rendered inconsequential by his triumphs. "Gosford Park," for instance, where rich English lady Maggie Smith lives in a world so narrow and comfortable that she is baffled when social climbing American Bob Balaban says "Okay" to her. "Oaew kay?" she asks, nose in the air, apparently never having heard the expression before.

prommie September 15, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Derp derp. I like American Beauty because you get to see both Mena Suvari and Thora Burch's boobs, and, dude, everyone is totally getting high all through the movie, its a total stoner movie, man.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 15, 2011 at 10:35 am

Is that from The Clash?

prommie September 15, 2011 at 10:57 am

Oui, Monsieur. Please forgive my non-sequitors, nothing makes sense to me lately and I take comfort in being nonsensical.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 15, 2011 at 11:00 am

You can't go wrong, in my opinion, by quoting The Clash.

prommie September 15, 2011 at 11:06 am

Rudy can't fail?

widestanceshakedown September 15, 2011 at 11:34 am

It has been said.

(Not only here.)

Sparky_McGruff September 15, 2011 at 10:46 am

I live in a van… down by the river!

jqheywood September 15, 2011 at 11:15 am

Personally:
I'm all lost in the supermarket
I can no longer shop happily
I came in here for that special offer
A guaranteed personality

prommie September 15, 2011 at 11:21 am

Why do you try to cheat?
And trample people under your feet
Don't you know it is wrong?
To cheat the trying man
So you better stop, it is the wrong 'em boyo

widestanceshakedown September 15, 2011 at 11:35 am

I've been very hungry, but not enough to kill.

Come here a minute September 15, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Don't use the rules,
They're not for you, they're for the fools.
And you're a fool if you don't know that.
So use the rules you stupid fool.

HarryButtle September 15, 2011 at 2:19 pm

I'm feelin' a little more like this happy little ditty:

When they kick out your front door
How you gonna come?
With your hands on your head
Or on the trigger of your gun

Swampgas_Man September 15, 2011 at 4:01 pm

This finger's got no ring
This finger can point at anything.
Don't talk shop.
FINGERPOP!

metamarcisf September 15, 2011 at 10:14 am

Destroying the Corporate Income Tax structure would have the effect of nullifying all the loopholes that people like General Electric and Newscorp make use of to get hundreds of millions in tax credits and refunds. This gomer really does not know what he;s doing, does he?

Ducksworthy September 15, 2011 at 11:22 am

He doesn't care. GOP! GOP!

yrbmegr September 15, 2011 at 1:26 pm

So abolishing the corporate income tax is THE LARGEST TAX INCREASE IN AMERICAN HISTORY!!!!!!

I expect a call from Fox News shortly.

FakaktaSouth September 15, 2011 at 10:14 am

"I see you driving 'round town with the jobs act I wrote and I'm like, fuck you, and fuck her too…yeah…"

simplyblue7 September 15, 2011 at 10:16 am

Surprising republican tactic? Hahaha, hardly.

fuflans September 15, 2011 at 11:58 am

not surprising, not really a tactic.

more like a fart.

powersuit September 15, 2011 at 10:17 am

Apparently Democrats in Congress WANT to lose the vote on this bill, just like they want to lose in 2012 and 2014, and 2016 . . . .

It's been a week since the Speech, and Republicans are sucking up TV time trashing the prez's bill at a ratio of 20:1 to Democrats supporting it. Really, it's been crickets.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 15, 2011 at 10:45 am

Stupid Dems are probably busy actually writing a bill, silly useful people.

Chet Kincaid September 15, 2011 at 10:51 am

You don't need a world ranking in 20-level chess to understand that that's not the point.

SorosBot September 15, 2011 at 10:18 am

Wouldn't it have made more sense to steal the title for a bill that might have created one single job, instead of indirectly destroying them?

OneDollarJuana September 15, 2011 at 11:08 am

Small correction: free trade agreements as currently structured directly destroy jobs.

widestanceshakedown September 15, 2011 at 10:18 am

Shouldn't that read 'Goiter-Headed Anal Tampon Cozy' Louie Gohmert?

EatsBabyDingos September 15, 2011 at 10:21 am

Pat Robertson says its okay to divorce your spouse if they get Alzheimer's, presumably because they are brain dead.

Hope Lou's wife got the message. Now she has grounds-he's brain dead, too..

Biel_ze_Bubba September 15, 2011 at 10:47 am

I suppose it's OK to then dump them on the street, since they'll be off your policy, and public medical care is a commie-socialist thing.

ChessieNefercat September 15, 2011 at 6:27 pm

Well, duh. It's called personal responsibility! You should think of the consequences before running out and deciding to get Alzheimers.

widestanceshakedown September 15, 2011 at 10:52 am

I was surprised by this from Robertson, since he's only fucked brain-dead women. None of them have ever said, no or stop or ewww.

mavenmaven September 15, 2011 at 10:22 am

They will blame the republicans but still choose them to lead the country to further destruction because anything is better than listening to a black man.

Mort_Sinclair September 15, 2011 at 10:25 am

Texas really is the asshole, in all its permutations, of America.

OneDollarJuana September 15, 2011 at 11:11 am

So which of these states, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Arkansas, or Louisiana, is the taint?

BarryOPotter September 15, 2011 at 11:41 am

Why the partial list of taint?

jqheywood September 15, 2011 at 11:46 am

Arizona is most definitely tainty…

BarryOPotter September 15, 2011 at 11:40 am

Well, if Detroit is the armpit, Florida the schlong, then Texass is clearly the asshole. It, er…, just fits.

DaRooster September 15, 2011 at 10:27 am

Keepin' them corporate taxes low-negative truly does work wonders for jobs…

Hey people, wherever the fuck you are… STOP VOTING FOR THESE FUCKING MORONS- they will not be happy until you are all dead! Wake the fuck up for Christ's sake!

GOPCrusher September 15, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Well, they have the last ten years of economic Nirvana to use as proof that low taxes create jobs.

DaRooster September 15, 2011 at 10:31 am

"…naughty children stealing other peoples’ homework."

He only stole the title… this Dipshit couldn't turn in a 155 page paper unless it needed to be smeared with poo.

horsedreamer_1 September 15, 2011 at 10:32 am

American Jobs Act is abbreviated AJA. So, clearly, this is just stealth means to pollute our children's minds with free-jazz.

Moonbat September 15, 2011 at 11:42 am

I don't know that I'd call Steely Dan free jazz, but I do kinda wish the Republicans (sterting with but by no means ending with or limited to Louis Gohmert) would just take their big Black Cow and get out of here, already.

Mumbletypeg September 15, 2011 at 10:34 am

This guy needs a bitch-slappin from a professional who nonetheless speaks his vernacular.

"Rosco Louie, zip your flappin' lip. You're lettin' the cold air into your empty head." — Boss Hogg

weejee September 15, 2011 at 10:35 am

How about the "Fuck You Teatards, the President is Black Act"?

Biel_ze_Bubba September 15, 2011 at 10:36 am

Corporate taxes are just a cost of doing business… guess who actually coughs up the dough that corporations use to pay them? It's basically a sales tax, and regressive.

Democrats ought to take Gomer's bill, raise taxes on the rich to make up the difference, as the Republitards insist should be done, and throw the fucking document back at them. The look on the faces of Gomer and his fellow cretins would be priceless.

OneDollarJuana September 15, 2011 at 11:15 am

I'm not against that, in principle, as long as the impacts to local communities is accounted is paid for out of those taxes, and as long as the foreign owners of those corporations get the shit taxed out of them, too.

donner_froh September 15, 2011 at 10:38 am

"Gohmert touted his two-page bill as a simple alternative"

simple: unlearned; ignorant; lacking mental acuteness or sense; inconsequential or rudimentary.

Works for me.

Goonemeritus September 15, 2011 at 10:40 am

Were I in Congress I would submit the Louie Gohmert Bill. It would simply mandate that no one be allowed to say the name Louie Gohmert without using the phrase “is a Douche” directly after.

OKthennext September 15, 2011 at 10:41 am

Today, I am embarrassed to be a Democrat. (Tape 'kick me' sign here.)

donner_froh September 15, 2011 at 10:44 am

The bill would “amend the Internal Revenue Code of 1986 to repeal the corporate income tax.”

At least it isn't a transparent use of legislative resources to troll for campaign contributions.

poncho_pilot September 15, 2011 at 10:47 am

i really love Gohmert's band The New Originals.

jodyleek September 15, 2011 at 11:31 am

Hopefully, there is a bizarre gardening accident in Gomer's future.

poncho_pilot September 15, 2011 at 11:42 am

Stumpy Joe/Green Globule 2012

HistoriCat September 15, 2011 at 10:51 am

Gohmert is now on the list of people I need to stay away from since I don't think I could restrain myself from kicking him in the crotch.

GunToting[Redacted] September 15, 2011 at 11:00 am

I'm guessing you're not allowed within 50 miles of Washington DC.

fuflans September 15, 2011 at 11:59 am

well i imagine i speak for many of us when i say i think you should get a whole lot closer.

metamarcisf September 15, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Sol?

DaRooster September 15, 2011 at 10:58 am

Can this guy maggot not be sued for Trademark infringement as the President clearly had a booklet with the same title on National TV and mentioned it a couple of hundred times?
(I know someone here can answer this)

Thurman Munster IV September 15, 2011 at 11:07 am

As your lawyer, I recommend that you take a few hits of blotter and things will begin to make more sense.

jqheywood September 15, 2011 at 11:49 am

As your attorney I advise you to tell me where you put the goddamn mescaline

OneDollarJuana September 15, 2011 at 11:16 am

Don't think you can trademark the title of a booklet.

DaRooster September 15, 2011 at 11:19 am

Copyright?

BlueStateLibel September 15, 2011 at 11:01 am

This reminds me of one of my shithead business competitors who stole something from me, and even though I'm a non-violent person, my initial and correct response was to want to kick them in the teeth.

HedonismBot September 15, 2011 at 11:12 am

Are you fuckin' shitting me?!?!? That is so damned ridiculous.

ttommyunger September 15, 2011 at 11:13 am

Texans must be so proud today. No, no snark; sadly.

BarackMyWorld September 15, 2011 at 11:14 am

Meanwhile, a new poll finds that a large plurality of Americans blame the Republicans more than anyone else for destroying America…

This is news for Western Civlization.

freakishlywrong September 15, 2011 at 11:16 am

Who the fuck votes for these imbecilic assholes? Oh, is that Texas you say?

johnnyzhivago September 15, 2011 at 11:17 am

Here's a better GOP jobs proposal: outlaw compact flourescent lighting – think of the jobs it will create in the incandescent bulb industry!!

BarackMyWorld September 15, 2011 at 11:24 am

I know you're being sarcastic, but NBC (I think) ran a story about how Texas legislators (big shock) wanted to do exactly that and gain that result.

GOPCrusher September 15, 2011 at 1:25 pm

On NPR this AM, a woman called in saying that the new law is just an opportunity for the government to control us and she was positive that it meant that you had to replace all of your light bulbs on Jan. 1 or the cops would show up at your house.

io9k9s September 15, 2011 at 11:21 am

i didn't know you could turn in legislation written with jumbo crayon color red, not to mention the backward title – no doubt copied from the presidents act using silly putty….

BarackMyWorld September 15, 2011 at 11:21 am

But but but…

Once corporate taxes are eliminated, the extra revenue will, of course, be used to create jobs in the United States!!!

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG???

poncho_pilot September 15, 2011 at 11:24 am

Obama could rename his act the "Republicans Have Big Dicks And Are In No Way, Shape, Or Form All A Bunch Of Closet Cases Because They Eat More Chicken Than Any Man's Ever Seen Act Of 2011".

see if the R's vote against that.

MiniMencken September 15, 2011 at 11:30 am

It's now official: Obama could fuck up buttered toast, or at least a bill creating a national Buttered Toast Day.

DustBowlBlues September 15, 2011 at 11:33 am

No time to comment or read article, but have to share this news, just in:
Laughing is healthy in all kinds of ways, according to researchers. So next time the old man asks me what I was doing all day, I'll just cold admit I've been working out. Because, god knows in these crappy, crappy, pretty much the apocolypse times, nothing makes me laugh more than wonkette and the wonkeratti.

DaRooster September 15, 2011 at 11:39 am

Laughter is the best medicine… so if you see someone fall down and break their arm, just laugh at them… until they pass out.
Voila. Repugnant, grade school healthcare.

Tundra Grifter September 15, 2011 at 11:33 am

I heard Louie Gommer on Sheer uh "Am i uh An Idiot?" uh InSannity's radio show ranting that President Obama's proposal would eliminate the special tax provision for investors in oil and gas wells. Apparently if the hole is dry, the investor gets a tax break.

I thought the conservatives wanted a tax code that "doesn't pick winners and losers."

In this case, it sure picked a whinner and a loser.

Soylent Green September 15, 2011 at 11:42 am

Enjoy working at MickyDeez, Texas. The jokes on you! Hahahahaha!

Soylent Green September 15, 2011 at 11:45 am

Now's the chance to rename the bill to 'Declaration Awesomeness!!'

sunmusing September 15, 2011 at 11:46 am

What was the reason, again, why we can't beat the shit out of these assholes?

poncho_pilot September 15, 2011 at 11:50 am

anyway, Louis Gohmert? that name sounds a little French to me.

BZ1 September 15, 2011 at 11:57 am

because corporations need every break and they still will piss on everyone…

Soylent Green September 15, 2011 at 11:58 am

In 1955, the grade school bully was stuck in detention. As being passed over for 6th grade – twice – and in a fit of childish rage, he conveyed his bitterness with only a crayon and a couple of pieces of paper. 57 years later, the grade school bully presented his essay to Congress. Saved for only a single update. The title 'Kill Commie Robots with Polio' was scribbled out and replaced with 'American Jobs Act'. By Louie Gohmert, 5th Grade.

horsedreamer_1 September 15, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Arms raised in a 'vee'
& the Dems lay
in pools of maroon below

genxr September 15, 2011 at 12:00 pm

In more positive news, all the climate deniers spent the past 24 hours watching Current TV and have now changed their minds.

All is well.

donner_froh September 15, 2011 at 12:05 pm

VP of Finance of General Electric: "Louis Gomert just introduced a bill to get rid of all corporate income taxes."

CEO of General Electric: "Corporate income taxes–never heard of them."

General hilarity ensues.

prommie September 15, 2011 at 12:05 pm

The news the last few weeks, with Bachman and Palin and Teatards applauding executions and "let them die," it has left me snarkless, and snarkless, I am speechless, so I have nothing to offfer but to quote my betters. Dorothy Parker's line is all I feel anymore when I see some new evidence of amurrican idiocy: "what fresh hell is this?" And my coping strategy can be paraphrased from Churchill: "I could not live without gin (heroin, whatever, insert your preference). In victory, I deserve it, in defeat, I need it."

comrad_darkness September 15, 2011 at 12:19 pm

The mantra from the dems really needs to be: Really? More of the same? This is the same old thing since 1980 and since then poverty has skyrocketed, wages for the middle class have plummeted, household AND federal debt is at record highs, and nearly half of America's children are on food stamps. And you want more of this? REALLY? Are you a total idiot or just an asshole?

BarryOPotter September 15, 2011 at 2:37 pm

When you're right, you're right, and C_D, you are right.

flamingpdog September 15, 2011 at 12:28 pm

If I had a magic wand, I'd wave it and give Louie Gohmert piles.

Redhead September 15, 2011 at 12:38 pm

"Meanwhile, a new poll finds that a large plurality of Americans blame the Republicans more than anyone else for destroying America with their petulant refusal to govern like a dignified body of elected lawmakers in favor of running around like naughty children stealing other peoples’ homework."

Alright Kristen. Will you gay marry me (now, before any other states outlaw it)?

axmxz September 15, 2011 at 12:48 pm

It was only two pages long because the bill just said "Dear Santa, MAke So i no have to pay money to govbrment nomore" in size 38 Comic Sans Serif.

chicken_thief September 15, 2011 at 12:52 pm

I suspect a misprint in the reporting. I believe it was "Louie Gohmert was on two pages (having one of them fancy smancy menage a tres)" not "the American Jobs Act of 2011 was on two pages".

BTWBFDIMHO September 15, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Corporations are people and Gohmert cares about people.

Limeylizzie September 15, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Can we just go with Big, Bad Nigger's Jobs Act?

Weenus299 September 15, 2011 at 1:28 pm

The White House countered with a one-sentence bill proposal titled "The Goh-Mert Yourself Act"

notreelyhelping September 15, 2011 at 1:45 pm

I'm still thinking Louis' entry in the history books will be a wee bit smaller than…well, just about everybody else in the history books.

El Pinche September 15, 2011 at 2:05 pm

The GOP utopia is where everyone works at minimum wage at Pizza Hut, and all the children are homeschooled. Elitist college and high tech jobs for the "orientals."

horsedreamer_1 September 15, 2011 at 3:08 pm

That would hasten our colonization by the Inscrutable Chinee.

Are you saying the Republicans are actually abetting the Red Sinocalypse?

Eve8Apples September 15, 2011 at 2:22 pm

The good news, "Suck my black cock Louie 2011" is still available.

KenLayIsAlive September 15, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Corporations already don't pay taxes so whats the point.

Negropolis September 15, 2011 at 11:29 pm

The president should simply turn to Lolspeak and have some member name it the "'Merikun Jobz Act". Problem solved.

ragnarok4msm September 18, 2011 at 11:25 am

The Bush administration had decided to conduct an independent market analysis of Solyndra before approving the loan, delaying the approval of the loan until after the analysis was completed.

So why did Obama push the loan through anyway? Why did they restructure it to benefit his donor? Was Bush secretly brainwashing Obama in his sleep or something?

To insinuate that Bush is to blame for Solyndra is irrational based on the documented facts. Obama did it. Period.

WunkRocker September 15, 2011 at 11:30 am

I see this as an opportunity to have " The US American Jobs Act Paid for by Taxing the Fuck Out of Texas Forever, Amen Act." Or in short "Fuck Perry Tax Act"

horsedreamer_1 September 15, 2011 at 11:32 am

Isn't Sean Astin a Teabagger?

In that case, I would say Rudy can fail quite a lot.

horsedreamer_1 September 15, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Don't worry. It's only gay if you lick &/or suck it.

Yaki-Yaki!

BarryOPotter September 15, 2011 at 2:24 pm

I find Richard Cheese's dictum to carry more veracity: "People Are Shit."

Chet Kincaid September 15, 2011 at 2:52 pm

You lot!
- What?!
Don't stop! Give it all you got!

widestanceshakedown September 15, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Maaaaaaaagnificent!

Negropolis September 15, 2011 at 11:53 pm

WIN!!!!1!!!1!

102415 September 16, 2011 at 1:05 am

Also thanking you.

poncho_pilot September 16, 2011 at 2:15 am

any time!

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