would you prefer a cliff or an iceberg?

Rick Santorum Proposes Olds Die Off Sooner To Save Social Security

Please don't kill Grandma! She'll get a job, she promises.Who is the biggest threat to the Social Security benefits system alive today? Rick Santorum, he knows what’s what, he’ll tell you. He held a policy meeting with his secret “panel of advisers” (the rows of fetus jars stacked in his basement) and he’s got this brain buster to share: “We can’t afford the benefit structure we have because people are living too long.” Yeah, shouldn’t there be some kind of expiration date on those people? Whatever happened to that thing the Amish do, where they send out their old people out on icebergs smeared in seal blood to be shredded by bears? That sounds cost-effective, yeah?

And another thing! Rick Santorum would like to see a lot less lazy going around and a lot more elderly folks handing over a few more years of their old age to keep working those Wal-Mart greeting posts, because as far as he knows, old people have not bothered very hard trying to monetize the time they spend with their grandchildren, which is socialist.

From Crooks and Liars:

“Does anybody in this room believe that somebody that 62 years old is too old to work in America today?” Santorum asked. “Social Security was established for people who were too old to work and therefore they needed the support of the federal government.”

“Now back in 1936 we probably did and that made sense. Why? Because life expectancy in 1936 was 61. It’s now 80… So you have a situation where things have changed, and for our young people it will even be longer. We keep gaining about a month every few years, we gain in life expectancy. And so the idea that we’re going to keep the Social Security program locked in on a 1937 actuarial chart makes no sense at all.”

Yeah, why lock it in to a 1937 chart when we could just use an 1837 chart, one where all the old people who couldn’t afford to stop working just worked until the day they died and never complained to the government about it? It’s been downhill from there.  [Crooks and Liars]

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Even better…don't even let them stop working when they're dead!
    You heard it here first: zombie labor force.

    • DaRooster

      "Lunch Brain Break!"

      • horsedreamer_1

        You've got the Edgar Wright stuff.

    • GhostBuggy

      Will there be "Weekend at Bernie's"-style hijinks with the zombies?

    • BarryOPotter

      You heard it here first: zombie labor force.

      You wish. I knew about the House of Representatives waaaaay before your post…

    • elviouslyqueer

      This is good news for Shaun of the Dead.

      • baconzgood

        Win for bringing up SOTD!

      • BarackMyWorld

        If Santorum (somehow) wins, I'm hiding at the Winchester.

        • Pristine_ODummy

          I don't even want to try to calculate the odds against that happening.

      • Pristine_ODummy

        Total upfistment.

    • GOPCrusher

      Well, that would certainly cut back on the OSHA violations.

    • real_dc_native

      That's my retirement plan – when they have to pry the mouse from my cold dead hand. The I'll retire!

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Anybody here see the movie Fido, starring the lovely Carrie-Anne Moss?

  • Barb

    No, 62 isn't "too old to work" also, that little daughter of yours isn't too young to work. I'd like to see her out in a corn field, fending off crows.

    • DaRooster

      I think she is "of the corn".

    • Crank_Tango

      oh shit, I thought that WAS a scarecrow. scared the shit outta me, anyway.

    • baconzgood

      Her little fingers are perfect for polishing the inside of cannon shell casings. Just sayin….

      • Pristine_ODummy

        Or unspooling the silk from a cocoon soaking in boiling water. It's amazing how clever and quick those little fingers can be! At least until they're boiled off, anyway.

    • Arken

      Unfortunately, American children are too fat to clean chimneys, but I hear coal mines could use them.

      • Pristine_ODummy

        They won't remain quite so succulently fat after the first dozen chimbleys or so. Aerobic exercise, yaknow.

    • OneDollarJuana

      I'd like to see her feeding off crows.

      • Pristine_ODummy

        I'm an equal opportunity kinda person, so if the crows decide to feed off her, that is also OK.

    • Eve8Apples

      The crying daughter could find work on any DC streetcorner. She knows how to rock the naughty schoolgirl look .

      • GOPCrusher

        Or Japanese porn.

    • cobweb2

      How old is she now? That poor girl hasn't been seen in recent family campaign photos. She is old enough now to have seen it and felt the ridicule and disgust Man on Dog generates among us. "The sins of the father are…visited…" I feel great compassion for her. The widespread publication of that photo will be the most significant formative event in her life.

    • Negropolis

      Oh snap!

  • poncho_pilot

    wait…???

    "vote for me! i want you to die sooner."

    umm…???

    • elviouslyqueer

      #winning!

    • Tommmcattt

      I really do think that he's in it now just to see how low he can poll. It's the only rational explanation for the things he says.

    • 102415

      Unfortunately, these people are so totally stupid that they will indeed vote for Santorum after all they are teabaggers. They will not vote for Obama and his death panels though.

  • memzilla

    Way to alienate the demographic that votes the most, Rick! Your Florida presimedential tour is bound to be a huge success!

    • GOPCrusher

      I beginning to wonder why the Republiklans are even bothering with a nomination process. With all their shouty rage against Social Security and Medicare, they've managed to alienate 95% of the Republiklan base.

  • veritass

    Weird. I never heard of this "Santorum" fellow so I googled his name. You'll never believe what I found…

    • Arken

      I believe it… and am masturbating furiously.

    • DaRooster

      Mensa Member?

      • KeepFnThatChicken

        more like "messy member"

        • Lascauxcaveman

          LOL. And you with your screen name. Eww.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Messy "chamber", also.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      well may I be the first to welcum you to the Santorum club, for men!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Ha ha…silly Rick Santorum thinks there's enough jobs to go around for old people to even have places to keep working at. Fucking dumbass.

    • Polythene_Pam

      My 76 year old uncle has been coming over to my house on a regular basis, for the past few months, so that I can help him apply for jobs on 'the internet'.

      I think I finally got him something – a temp job at a Halloween store. That should buy him lots of old people food, shouldn't it?

      • Pristine_ODummy

        Fuck. That is really fucking depressing.

      • Dashboard_Jesus

        oh dear, I hope you're kidding about that, yes? (if not, I hear candy corn is very nutritious so tell him to stock up!)

  • V572 T-Blow

    The best thing about Ricky S is the look on his face in the debates when Perry and Mittens pander and lie and obfuscate and generally behave like the weasels they are. Ricky S believes all the crazy, dangerous, bigoted shit he says, and is truly astonished to see that others don't.

    • poncho_pilot

      replace "Ricky S" with "Ron Paul"…surprise! not really.

      • poncho_pilot

        very similar mindset. different stubbornly held beliefs. i do admire people for remaining consistent in the face of a largely indifferent or annoyed world. either way, neither will get the nomination so they have that in common, too.

        • Arken

          I will never get this whole 'I admire Ron Paul for being consistent' thing. Not to go Godwin, but Hitler was consistent.

          • V572 T-Blow

            It's like when people say, "Sure, the Pope is not as attentive as he ought to be about the way his priests are torturing children, but at least he's making a difference." You know who else "made a difference"?

      • V572 T-Blow

        Ron's got the flinty-eyed look of a true believer who knows everyone thinks he's crazy and doesn't give a shit, which is kind of an appealing quality of its own. He doesn't seem like an instinctive bigot the way Ricky S does. Of course Ron wouldn't pay for medical care if his gardener cut a finger off with a hedge-trimmer, but it wouldn't be because Pedro was a Catholic; it'd be because of the Free Market, which would have encouraged Pedro to buy his own workmans comp policy if only the Invisible Hand™ had been unshackled from onerous government regulation.

        • SorosBot

          Nor, indeed, would Ron lift a finger if his uninsured campaign manager came down with pneumonia, and he would just let him die; in fact, he did.

          • Dashboard_Jesus

            damn, beat me to it…and why hasn't THIS been featured before on Wonkette…the guy was RP's #! booster/ cheerleeder/ fundraiser and he let's the poor guy DIE w/out health insurance, WTF? I guess the crazy fucker really DOES believe in that Libertarian bullshit! http://gawker.com/5840024/ron-pauls-campaign-mana

            The way I read it, RP sez to his BFF Kent Snyder, "thanks for all the help running for POTUS and raising MILLIONS of $$$$ for my campaign 'ol buddy, sorry 'bout YOUR luck…at least you can die a happy Libertarian knowing the TAXPAYERS won't get stuck with your hospital bills!"

  • DaRooster

    Hey Dumb-Ass… If you and your buddies leave it alone, Social Security will pay full (as of this moment) for 28 years and then FOREVER at 80%.

    Just thought you should know that… even though you should know that.

    • prommie

      You Da Rooster, man.

    • baconzgood

      SHUT UP YOU LIB-TARD!!! WITH YOUR "FACTS". YOU'RE NOT AN EMARICAN!!!!!! WHERE'S YOUR FLAG PIN EH?!?!?! I thought so!

      • DaRooster

        I got your flag pin…. wait… POLE!!

        (whew)

    • GOPCrusher

      Of course, if they just removed the upper income cap of when you stop paying into Social Security, they would have more money than they know what to with. But instead they would prefer to try to pull the plug on a program that has been chugging along for 70+ years.

      • DaRooster

        I believe there was legislation entered today to do just that… just wait… I'm sure it will pass.

  • Studebaker Hawk

    Why doesn't he get a job? Too frothy to work?

    • Jukesgrrl

      It's more Christian to take charity. Which he does. From more than one "think tank" he contributes nothing to.

      • Pristine_ODummy

        Which is good. More for him, less for other "causes." Yes?

  • chicken_thief

    I bet there's a shitload of 61 yr olds that think 62 is a good retirement age.

    • DaRooster

      And probably a few 63 year olds.

      • OneDollarJuana

        Hell, I think age 57 on September 14, 2011 at 11:41 am is a great retirement age!

        • Pristine_ODummy

          Happy Birfday. Or Unbirfday, as the case might be.

    • philpjfry

      I know I am. I applied last week to start collecting next year, before they do something stupid like take away the COLA, oh wait they did that. Fuck. I hope I can live on the same amount for another 20 years. I guess I can always hope I don't live very long. Hurray the republicans have me praying for death.

      • DaRooster

        If they win… we won't need to pray… we can just wait.

  • SorosBot

    And keeping the old people from retiring, keeping jobs that would have instead gone to unemployed younger people, is a great way to help the economy.

  • AlterNewt

    Mr.President, where are the jobs for the octogenarians?!

    • GOPCrusher

      Wal-Mart.

      • Jukesgrrl

        Sorry, even they're not hiring.

        • GOPCrusher

          Fuck. There goes my retirement dreams.

    • hollywooddood

      How many 79 year olds does Santorum employ on his staff?

      • Jukesgrrl

        Good question! But something tells me he's into free child labor.

  • Arken

    Hey Rick, we could totally fix this problem with panels that decide when people get to die.

    • jjdaddyo
      • emmelemm

        I really love that incredibly dumb, dated movie.

      • http://Wonkette.com ProudLibunatic

        I still get a sick feeling when I see that! *shudder*

        • finallyhappy

          yeah, but michael york was hot plus I love the cats and Peter Ustinov in the Capitol.

          • http://Wonkette.com ProudLibunatic

            But the masks, and the hoods, and the executions…
            …and I was young and impressionable when I first saw it!

            ( My daughter has a similar thing. She is totally creeped out by Nicholas Cage. And don't even get her started on Edward Scissorhands!)

      • An_Outhouse

        I heard that was on last Monday night. At least there was lots of cheering for some dead guy.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Oh, hell, Ricky, just create roving bands of armed men to shoot the old people.

    • GhostBuggy

      "Santorum's Run."

      Ew.

      • poncho_pilot

        A Canticle For Santorum.

      • DashboardBuddha

        Santorum is runny.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      Or render'em and turn'em into entrees. "Santorum Green"

      • horsedreamer_1

        Didn't Our Wonkette report that the Japanese are making burgers out of reconstituted feces?

        • KeepFnThatChicken

          I thought it was rendered assholes.

          My GOD, what is it about this Wonkette fetish we have?!

        • Pristine_ODummy

          I distinctly remember an article on shitburgers because it, uh, stood out among the usual anusburger and corn-syrup-lardcake paeans that often grace this site.

      • BarryOPotter

        "Santorum Green is people (au jus), people!!!"

    • dyedwool

      Or just hold a daily lottery for the Olds to go hunting with Cheney.

    • Jukesgrrl

      But, Ricky, don't forget to blame it on Democrats so FOX can write "Roving bands of killers (D) eliminating defenseless old folks?" on the crawl.

  • Come here a minute

    Rick is just frothing with ideas.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Suddenly, God intervened and Rick Santorum found himself under a blazing hot summer sun, forced to dig ditches for 12 hours a day just to be able to afford to feed his ginormous family, with no possibility of retirement until age 80. Amen.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Christ, I fucking wish.

  • SexySmurf

    Abort old people, not fetuses (feti?)!

    • poncho_pilot

      win!

    • horsedreamer_1

      Legalize 260th Trimester Abortion!

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    …but if all we make here is hoverounds and catheters, who will buy them if they die sooner?

    • AlterNewt

      Wait…just …a…doggone minute!

      Hovererounds with built-in catheters!

      • baconzgood

        Have your people call my people and we'll hammer out a deal memo.

        • AlterNewt

          It'll be huge. Huuuuge.

          • baconzgood

            By the way, Which one of you is Pink?

  • Rosie_Scenario

    Of course, not everyone has a nice, clean, sedentary job like Rick. What does he do again? Should be fund times, when we have elderly folks working as firefighters, construction workers, etc. Not to mention that there aren't enough jobs for young, able-bodied people, etc.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

      Rick sucks at the teat of his wealthy supporters for a living. Nice job if you can get it.

      • Jukesgrrl

        It's the kind of charity many Christians believe in. "Well, they live in a $700,000 house, but they WOULD be poor if we didn't keep showering them with money."

  • SorosBot

    62-year-olds may be able to keep working at cushy desk jobs, Ricky, but it's a little different for people who do manual labor, like construction, manufacturing or janitorial work.

    • Not_So_Much

      Menial labor is not a concept he understands. Only time he sweats is every two years when his bible calendar says its time to (shamefully) manufacture a baby.

    • GOPCrusher

      Construction?
      Manufacturing?

      We do that in America?

  • James Michael Curley

    So, I'm sittin around in 1977; doin some veterans work, doing some olds work, doin a lot of party work and theys ask me to join a group to make recommendations to the Peanut Farmer, the presnit himself, as to what we can do about social security. Sos we all say theres lots of us gonna get old in bout thirty five years and we will want our money. But do they listen? Noooooooo! Crashed a few helicopters in the desert, lost a few latin merican countries to the commies and the repubs decide to kill any 'reform' of social security. It'll work just well theys say. Then theys elect the guy with the Henna Hair and all goes down the turlet.

  • prommie

    What makes him think the SS actuaries haven't updated their data? Fucking liar.

  • ThundercatHo

    New rule: Any former or present elected official who mentions reducing govt. benefits for poor people must immediately forfeit all of theirs. Oh and BTW, fuck you with a branding iron you worthless piece of shit.

  • baconzgood

    Hey Rick "life expectancy" is a calculation that considers the average of the whole population. This includes not only the olds but child death and the factory deaths of people who are of working age. Now if we calculate (in the negative) how many fetus' that crypto fascist luburals kill, and all the ages of all the children that the gahyz DON'T have (by the #'s that you imagine or that the voices in the mushy lump 3 feet above your ass tell you) the life expectancy is about the same now as it was in pre-polio vaccine Emerica.

    CHECK AND MATE!

    • DaRooster

      (I think he's playing checkers… by himself… and losing.)

      • baconzgood

        Tic-Tac-Toe?

  • TheGyrus

    “Does anybody in this room believe that somebody that 62 years old is too old to work in America today?”

    Nobody except, you know, employers.

    • Graham Cracker

      May be, if we cut their taxes more, they would hire the olds.

      • Pristine_ODummy

        It's been, what, thirty years? Hasn't worked so far.

        • not that Dewey

          They weren't old then. Duh.

          • Pristine_ODummy

            Uh, dood? The bottle's hitting back. Put. it. down.

          • not that Dewey

            ???

          • Pristine_ODummy

            We've been cutting taxes since Reagan, and older workers have not benefited in any way, and neither have the legions of job-seekers. Unemployment was high during the Reagan years, as I remember only too well, despite all the tax-cutterin'.

          • not that Dewey

            I don't get it. You see, I'm just a Breitbartian moron like Spanky who thinks that supply-side economics is something more than a fever dream. Please explain it in more detail.

    • Steverino247

      How about passengers on commercial airliners when they see the flight attendants can't reach over their heads and have to ask passengers to move stuff up there for them. You should be able to work as long as you want to unless passenger safety would be compromised. Working just for the health insurance is a bad idea for more reasons than one.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    They should start teaching Boy Scouts NOT to help old ladies across the street – instead they should lecture them on taking responsibility for themselves.

    • poncho_pilot

      Ayn Rand's Producer Scouts:

      A Scout is greedy.
      i got mine. fuck you.

      • OneDollarJuana

        A Scout is greedy.
        i got mine. fuck you.
        Get away from me, I have a knife.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    It is not that 62 is too old to work. It is just that they don't want to. Frothy Rick should keep in mind that there are a lot of olds out there and they love to vote because they're not working and bored.

  • Crank_Tango

    If you've ever been in line with one of those old cashiers at K-mart, then you would know that yes, 62 is too old to be working. Maybe not in all jobs, sure.

    Also, happy scarlett johanssen day!

  • MistaEko

    So they were pissed at Alan Greyson because he mischaracterized "Die Quickly" as applying to just Health Insurance, not the safety net as a whole?

    • mavenmaven

      I wish he'd make a comeback. He was the only one who dared call these folks on what they are implying…

      • OneDollarJuana
      • GOPCrusher

        He was on Keith Olbermann last night. Still kicking ass and taking names.

        • finallyhappy

          yup, I gave money to him in his last campaign so I am on his on-line mailing list

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I'd like to see the roller pin indentation in Rick's head if he tried to explain this to my mother.

  • Ancient_Hacker

    Rick is showing his ignorance of what "life expectancy" really means…. It has nothing to do with how long most people live, it's just an average, including infant mortality. The medical advances since 1936 have slashed infant mortality, so "life expectancy" has gone up, but that doesn't mean that there are that many more old folks in working condition. It just means the average has gone up, due to far fewer childhood deaths.

    • Crank_Tango

      hmm, so you're saying it's abortion's fault?

    • DaRooster

      There it is-
      We have to do away with Child Labor Laws!

    • zappadoo76

      Actually, there has also been a lot of improvement in the treatment of the physical problems of the olds–replacing organs that wear out and stuff. Also, too, there is more preventive medicine, such as the statins and beta blockers that are pimped by big pharma. Geezers take this stuff so they can stay around forever to bother us. To paraphrase the late, great J.C., the olds, like the poorz, will always be with us.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Far fewer deaths at any age. We're much less likely to die from injuries sustained in car accidents, on-the-job accidents, heart attacks, strokes, even gunshot wounds than we were a couple of decades ago. That would be due, of course, to goddam gubmint regulations coming from devils like OSHA and the Highway Safety Council, not to mention NIH-sponsored medical research. See how bad regulation is for the public??? No taxes!!!11!

    • An_Outhouse

      Stop it with the facts. They're confusing AND boring.

    • mumbly_joe

      Beyond that, it's also worth noting that what life expectancy gains there have been have been extremely income-dependent. The poors have seen a life expectancy gain of a whopping 1 year over the past 30 years, which is a mite less than a few months ever year. Santorum's plan for saving social security is to make sure anyone who might need social security in old age dies before they see any benefits.

  • poncho_pilot

    He attended schools in the Butler Area School District,[8] where he gained the nickname “Rooster”, allegedly because he "always had a few errant hairs on the back of his head that refused to stay down", and he was "noisy, showy, dogged and determined like a rooster and never backed down".

    or maybe because he's a cock.

    • ThundercatHo

      Or maybe because he makes too much noise and is completely worthless.

      • poncho_pilot

        lol.

    • DaRooster

      THIS IS NOT TO BECOME COMMON KNOWLEDGE…

      … and should not be mentioned again. Thanks.

  • hollywooddood

    How does one decide where to work at age 79? WalMart or McDonald's? Tough choice.

    • ThundercatHo

      Next debate Ricky S. should wear one of those striking blue vests. "Hello and welcome to Malwart. Fetus jars? Aisle 9."

    • Jukesgrrl

      The only new McDonald's are opening in China. And they probably have enough of their own olds.

  • MistaEko

    And so the idea that we’re going to keep the Social Security program locked in on a 1937 actuarial chart makes no sense at all

    Can federal employees start screaming down these morons so I don't have to post this anymore? http://www.ssa.gov/history/lifeexpect.html

    • OneDollarJuana

      Thanks for that! I'd just read a statement stating that life expectancy has not gone up significantly in terms of SS payouts since the program was initiated. This backs it up.

      What I'd like to see, though, in addition to the number of Americans 65 and older, is the number of Americans paying into the program.

    • elviouslyqueer

      All right, Mister Fancy with the Facts. Next thing you'll be telling me is that us gays don't regularly engage in teh buttsecks with the neighbor's border collie, and that a lot of American women are actually perfectly okay with aborting them babeez.

      • bikerlaureate

        Is "border collie" some kind of slang term the bois are using now?

  • elviouslyqueer

    Dear Rick:

    Remember when you used to be relevant? Yea, me neither.

    Fuck off, you ageist homophobic choad.

    EQ

  • Schmannnity

    If only he could drop his opposition to man on dog sex, there would be a lot less surviving spouse payouts.

  • chascates

    At 57 years old I don't mind working longer. I JUST CAN'T GET A FUCKING JOB IN THIS ECONOMY AND BECAUSE OF MY AGE!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      Maybe you'll get lucky and DIE SOON!!! (CHEERING!!1!!)

  • peaceocrap

    Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Don't rile up us olds. We can't bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Now where was I… oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn't get white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones…

    • ApplesauceRobot

      How are you not in the US Senate?

    • prommie

      I thought you were going to get a walking bird?

      • Dr_Zoidberg

        I old, and don't remember too good! *shakes fist angrily at clouds*

    • Nothingisamiss

      One of the best Simpson's monolouges evah.

  • not that Dewey

    Kill off the elderly — with votes!

    • genxr

      Survey the old!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    "Because life expectancy in 1936 was 61. It’s now 80"

    Not to worry. President Perry and the GOP super-majority in Congress will have the life expectancy trend going in the right direction by the end of 2013.

    • fuflans

      i really really fear this.

      • Jukesgrrl

        You have every reason to. Every dollar eliminated from OSHA, FDA, EPA, FAA, Consumer Product Safety, nuclear safety, food safety, highway and auto safety, Centers for Disease Control, the NIH, etc., etc., TO SAVE PRECIOUS TAX DOLLARZ increases the chances we gonna bite da dust.

  • mavenmaven

    I suppose he means that older people can fly to India or China and find manufacturing or other industrial jobs that no longer exist in the USA.

  • MissTaken

    Right on it Santorum! I'm going to my grandparent's house right now to tell them that despite Grandma's advanced Alzheimer's and Grandpa's diabetic foot that will probably be amputated soon that they need to hit the pavement and get themselves some jobs, already. For America.

  • baconzgood

    I've not been checking my pees and I just noticed I'm at 119p. UPFISTS FOR ALL!!! You get an upfist, and you get and up fist, and YOU get an upfist…

  • owhatever

    All of the sixty-twos who are teabaggers listen to this and nod their little puppet heads like it doesn't apply to them … just to the other sixty-twos. The Repubs seem to be getting some traction to their DQQC — Die Quickly, Quietly and Cheaply — agenda. G'bye Grandpa.

  • emmelemm

    It’s been downhill from there.

    You can say that again, sister.

  • OneDollarJuana

    We could save even more money if we'd just kick all the disabled slackers in my family who are on SS off the dole. And kick all the orphans off, too. They should have made better choices in life and genetics.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Yeah, people like Paul Ryan, recipient of SSI during his youth.

  • philpjfry

    I wonder what those kids will look like at this years concession speech?

    • littlebigdaddy

      I will be seriously disappointed if one of them hasn't gone Goth.

      • Jukesgrrl

        No freedums for those kids. They're seriously brainwashed. If they're going to be dressed in black it will be because they're priests and nuns.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Rick, us libs wanted to do something about this, but you Teatards shouted down our "death panels" idea. Care to revisit?

  • Indiepalin

    People might live longer, on the average that's true. What makes anyone think people are able to work longer?..instead of having five years where people putter around the resthome wondering where they are, we now have 15 – 20 years. When will someone call this douchebag on this fallacy.

    • genxr

      The average life expectancy is increasing, but that increasing is happening almost exclusively among the well-off. The poors still die from lack of health care just like in the old days.

    • lochnessmonster

      Do we really want 70 year olds up on roofs shingling? I'd like to see Santorum try that job for 5 minutes….

    • antispandex

      Well, we do have women who think they should start families at 40 years old…and that's freakin' crazy (and since the prime age for reproduction amoung humans is, on average, from 15 to 25 years, "crazy" may be generous)….but see, we aren't supposed to bring up some things…like facts that won't allow room for our political or private goals.
      I'm sorry, I forgot the snark. DAMMIT!…..Walnuts!

  • Mahousu

    Santorum is currently 53 and hasn't really had a job since he lost the 2006 election. Who said you could retire at 49, Santorum?

    Oh, the people of Pennsylvania did. Well, why don't you listen to them?

  • Doktor Zoom

    I thought Santorum was going to save Social Security by banning abortion. Now he wants olds to work til they drop, too?

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    KILL ALL THE OLD PEOPLE ESPECIALLY THE SMELLY ONES!!1!

    CCHHHEEEEEEERRRRRIIIIINNNNGGGGGGG!!!!

    • Jukesgrrl

      And kill them twice if they're smelly and in the Senate.

  • BornInATrailer

    Santorum, pandering to the progeria vote.

  • metamarcisf

    Fecal Boy speaks: "about a month every few years, we gain in life expectancy". Wow, at that rate, by the year 2100, people will be living 180 years, except for the ones who get shot in convenience store robberies which is most of them. Maybe Fecal boy has a point…

  • http://www.wonkette.com sunmusing

    You should try getting a job being 58 years old with bad knees. Even being a Wall-mart greeter is a pipe dream.

  • Weenus299

    The only way to get out of this crisis is to burn our loved ones' bones out of it.

  • x111e7thst

    Put those saggy old fuckers to work. Santorum's fetus collection won't pickle itself.

    • Jukesgrrl

      And imagine the jelly they could be making.

  • fuflans

    hahahahaha dan savage has a job rick and you don't!!

  • YasserArraFeck

    Rick S(oylent)antorum

  • Eve8Apples

    We need Public Service Announcements encouraging the olds to adopt a "Jersey Shore" lifestyle – more smokin', drinkin', druggin', tannin', sexin' with strangers, and sittin' on their asses watching TV.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Sounds great – wait 'till the chicks get a look at my one-pack

      • prommie

        The 6-pack is right there, under this fat.

        • GOPCrusher

          HA! I have a keg.

    • prommie

      I'm game, hell, thats been my retirement plan for years, die young, leave a beautiful corpse.

  • metamarcisf

    Rick Santorum concludes: "Since American women live longer than men, social security should start at different ages, depending on whether you're male or female. Does anyone not believe that I will be the next President?"

  • LiveToServeYa

    So, wait, you're saying the iceberg bears are angry because people are living longer and there aren't enough olds to go around? Or the iceberg bears are angry because their icebergs are melting due to global warming?

    Also, how can we be living longer and be so obese at the same time? Won't the bears be happy we're obese, or will our bodies sink their rapidly shrinking icebergs?

    AAAAH! AL GORE HELP ME ON THIS ONE!

  • BlueStateLibel

    I guess Social Security was a real deal back in 1936, you paid into it all your life, and then were eligible for it age 62, except most people were dead at 61. Wall Street should look into this, there's money to be had.

  • MissTaken

    Yeah, shouldn’t there be some kind of expiration date on those people?

    I don't think oldz are stamped with expiration dates so I resort to the smell test. Similar to sniffing a glass of wine, except with the oldz you are looking for a top note of ben gay with a sea bond finish. That's when you know they are ready for the nursing home (aka American Ice Float).

  • HistoriCat

    OT – my mom keeps forwarding emails she gets from some idiotic friend of hers with all the RW talking points. Now, my mom is pretty much a moderate liberal but she's old and has that thought process which says anything sent by email must be legitimate. I'm tired of responding to this crap. Do I :
    a) automatically delete her emails?
    b) add the idiot RWer to some email lists so her email account is loaded down with junk?
    c) other idea which you smart people come up with.

    • Eve8Apples

      Automatically delete the emails. If she wonders where the emails went, tell her they contained viruses, and you didn't want her computer to get infected.

      She will appreciate your concern and bake you a delicious pie.

    • metamarcisf

      My advice, Flounder: start drinking heavily.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Erase the E-mails and sign her up for Bernie Sanders' newsletter. Maybe she'll fall in love with him like my mother has and start doing everything HE says.

  • Slim_Pickins

    53 and retired, LEAD BY EXAMPLE RICK! GO before your expiration date, seppuku is an honorable way to go, ask the Pope.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Sorry, Rick. I've fallen and I can't get up to find a job.

  • real_dc_native

    We should all start smoking again. Early death saves the government money

    • Eve8Apples

      Smoking also generates tobacco tax revenue.

    • GOPCrusher

      I'm willing. I gave it up over 4 years ago and now I ask myself, do I really want to exist any longer than possible?

  • real_dc_native

    How are my kids suppose to find jobs if all of us olds don't ever quit working?

  • genxr

    Attention olds. Enter the Carousel. This is the time of renewal. Be strong and you will be renewed.

    • finallyhappy

      I have dizzy spells so I cannot enter the Carousel- and I am nearly 60.

  • prommie

    True fact, when the States sued the tobacco companies, the tobacco companies argued that the damages should be reduced by the amount that all these people dying young had SAVED the states in pensions and medical benefits over the years. So you see, its all the fault of the anti-smoking crusade, can you even imagine how much money cigarrettes have saved social security over the years?

    • GOPCrusher

      Probably time to re-think the whole texting while driving laws too. The Youngs can't get jobs either, so if they are killed off in hideous car accidents from distracted driving, well, WIN-WIN!

  • cobweb2

    Anybody know the approximate $$$ value of Ricky's US and PA government pensions and health insurance? Are Michael G.s periodic formaldehyde changes covered?

  • lochnessmonster

    Santorum wants the olds to die so he has more Soylent Green!

  • cobweb2

    >>“Does anybody in this room believe that somebody that 62 years old is too old to work in America today?” Santorum asked. “<<
    Does anybody frequenting wonkette believe that Santorum knows what work is?

  • hagajim

    Let's get a 62-year old bull to "work" Rick's ass until he creates his own Santorum.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    I hope to remain a Chippendale dancer until I'm 74. My wife, too, at Hooters.

  • FrenchTwist40

    Meh. They're disproportionately of the teabagger persuasion, so I may be able to agree with Santorum on this one. Certainly if my relatives are any indicator…

  • Fawkdifiknow

    When you figure out that Michele is probably smarter than a good 98% of her supporters, you really start to appreciate the trouble this country is in. It would be interesting to meet some of the people who buy this book.

    Funny, too.

  • KommunistKitty

    Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore and I will put them to work in poverty wage wastelands.

  • RebelCountess

    Legal abortion has kept untold millions from sucking at the government's teat (or any teat).
    I don't understand why Santorum opposes it.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    There are a lot more things to die of when you get old than things you can die of when you get young.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      You are both Coach and Woody.

  • smitallica

    As someone whose boss is 78, trust me, Rick. He's too fucking old to work.

  • mumbly_joe

    You know who else used 1937 actuary tables?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Franklin D. Hitler?

      (You just looked so lonely, hangin' that Five up there for 15 hours.)

  • OKthennext

    "Whatever happened to that thing the Amish do, where they send out their old people out on icebergs smeared in seal blood to be shredded by bears?"

    It's the Amish who do that? Well, 'learn something new everyday'. That's my motto.

  • mumbly_joe

    To be fair, when your "job" consists of collecting interest and dividends off of unrealized capital gains that you inherited, the age you decide to say that you've "retired" is pretty much irrelevant. And since, as a Republican, Santorum's only true constituency is the modern-day landed aristocracy…

  • DemonicRage

    I guess it hurts being so far below the "first tier" candidates that Man on Dog Santorum feels he has to come up with outrageous statements, just to get attention. Try getting a job anywhere in America today if you're between the ages of 57 and 65. What an ass, and I don't mean that in the good sense of the word!

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Elvis is still raking in the dough…

  • antispandex

    Well…there are too many old and poor people, and you won't let us eat them, so what are we going to do?
    P.S. Please stop showing that picture. It tells more about America than I care to contemplate.

  • ttommyunger

    Good to see Ricky continuing his death grip on the "third rail" of politics. Hang in there, dummy, way to fail!

  • BruceLee5000

    "He held a policy meeting with his secret “panel of advisers” (the rows of fetus jars stacked in his basement)[…]"

    FTW UNTIL THE END OF TIME!!!
    I haven't even read the rest of the post. I had to call out this brilliant writing immediately! Devastatingly Hilarious!

  • Jukesgrrl

    Do you even think Rick knows how to spell actuary … well, he would if they were named after St. Actuary.