WOULD YOU PREFER A CLIFF OR AN ICEBERG?  2:06 pm September 14, 2011

Rick Santorum Proposes Olds Die Off Sooner To Save Social Security

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Please don't kill Grandma! She'll get a job, she promises.Who is the biggest threat to the Social Security benefits system alive today? Rick Santorum, he knows what’s what, he’ll tell you. He held a policy meeting with his secret “panel of advisers” (the rows of fetus jars stacked in his basement) and he’s got this brain buster to share: “We can’t afford the benefit structure we have because people are living too long.” Yeah, shouldn’t there be some kind of expiration date on those people? Whatever happened to that thing the Amish do, where they send out their old people out on icebergs smeared in seal blood to be shredded by bears? That sounds cost-effective, yeah?

And another thing! Rick Santorum would like to see a lot less lazy going around and a lot more elderly folks handing over a few more years of their old age to keep working those Wal-Mart greeting posts, because as far as he knows, old people have not bothered very hard trying to monetize the time they spend with their grandchildren, which is socialist.

From Crooks and Liars:

“Does anybody in this room believe that somebody that 62 years old is too old to work in America today?” Santorum asked. “Social Security was established for people who were too old to work and therefore they needed the support of the federal government.”

“Now back in 1936 we probably did and that made sense. Why? Because life expectancy in 1936 was 61. It’s now 80… So you have a situation where things have changed, and for our young people it will even be longer. We keep gaining about a month every few years, we gain in life expectancy. And so the idea that we’re going to keep the Social Security program locked in on a 1937 actuarial chart makes no sense at all.”

Yeah, why lock it in to a 1937 chart when we could just use an 1837 chart, one where all the old people who couldn’t afford to stop working just worked until the day they died and never complained to the government about it? It’s been downhill from there.  [Crooks and Liars]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 244 comments }

BarackMyWorld September 14, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Even better…don't even let them stop working when they're dead!
You heard it here first: zombie labor force.

DaRooster September 14, 2011 at 2:13 pm

"Lunch Brain Break!"

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 2:22 pm

You've got the Edgar Wright stuff.

GhostBuggy September 14, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Will there be "Weekend at Bernie's"-style hijinks with the zombies?

BarryOPotter September 14, 2011 at 2:33 pm

You heard it here first: zombie labor force.

You wish. I knew about the House of Representatives waaaaay before your post…

elviouslyqueer September 14, 2011 at 2:36 pm

This is good news for Shaun of the Dead.

baconzgood September 14, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Win for bringing up SOTD!

BarackMyWorld September 14, 2011 at 3:04 pm

If Santorum (somehow) wins, I'm hiding at the Winchester.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 4:05 pm

I don't even want to try to calculate the odds against that happening.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Total upfistment.

GOPCrusher September 14, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Well, that would certainly cut back on the OSHA violations.

real_dc_native September 14, 2011 at 3:51 pm

That's my retirement plan – when they have to pry the mouse from my cold dead hand. The I'll retire!

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Anybody here see the movie Fido, starring the lovely Carrie-Anne Moss?

Barb September 14, 2011 at 2:10 pm

No, 62 isn't "too old to work" also, that little daughter of yours isn't too young to work. I'd like to see her out in a corn field, fending off crows.

DaRooster September 14, 2011 at 2:22 pm

I think she is "of the corn".

Crank_Tango September 14, 2011 at 2:24 pm

oh shit, I thought that WAS a scarecrow. scared the shit outta me, anyway.

baconzgood September 14, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Her little fingers are perfect for polishing the inside of cannon shell casings. Just sayin….

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Or unspooling the silk from a cocoon soaking in boiling water. It's amazing how clever and quick those little fingers can be! At least until they're boiled off, anyway.

Arken September 14, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Unfortunately, American children are too fat to clean chimneys, but I hear coal mines could use them.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 4:07 pm

They won't remain quite so succulently fat after the first dozen chimbleys or so. Aerobic exercise, yaknow.

OneDollarJuana September 14, 2011 at 2:55 pm

I'd like to see her feeding off crows.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 4:08 pm

I'm an equal opportunity kinda person, so if the crows decide to feed off her, that is also OK.

Eve8Apples September 14, 2011 at 4:13 pm

The crying daughter could find work on any DC streetcorner. She knows how to rock the naughty schoolgirl look .

GOPCrusher September 14, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Or Japanese porn.

cobweb2 September 14, 2011 at 6:00 pm

How old is she now? That poor girl hasn't been seen in recent family campaign photos. She is old enough now to have seen it and felt the ridicule and disgust Man on Dog generates among us. "The sins of the father are…visited…" I feel great compassion for her. The widespread publication of that photo will be the most significant formative event in her life.

Negropolis September 15, 2011 at 1:06 am

Oh snap!

poncho_pilot September 14, 2011 at 2:10 pm

wait…???

"vote for me! i want you to die sooner."

umm…???

elviouslyqueer September 14, 2011 at 2:28 pm

#winning!

Tommmcattt September 14, 2011 at 5:44 pm

I really do think that he's in it now just to see how low he can poll. It's the only rational explanation for the things he says.

102415 September 14, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Unfortunately, these people are so totally stupid that they will indeed vote for Santorum after all they are teabaggers. They will not vote for Obama and his death panels though.

memzilla September 14, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Way to alienate the demographic that votes the most, Rick! Your Florida presimedential tour is bound to be a huge success!

GOPCrusher September 14, 2011 at 3:20 pm

I beginning to wonder why the Republiklans are even bothering with a nomination process. With all their shouty rage against Social Security and Medicare, they've managed to alienate 95% of the Republiklan base.

veritass September 14, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Weird. I never heard of this "Santorum" fellow so I googled his name. You'll never believe what I found…

Arken September 14, 2011 at 2:13 pm

I believe it… and am masturbating furiously.

DaRooster September 14, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Mensa Member?

KeepFnThatChicken September 14, 2011 at 2:16 pm

more like "messy member"

Lascauxcaveman September 14, 2011 at 2:20 pm

LOL. And you with your screen name. Eww.

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Messy "chamber", also.

Dashboard_Jesus September 14, 2011 at 5:34 pm

well may I be the first to welcum you to the Santorum club, for men!

BarackMyWorld September 14, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Ha ha…silly Rick Santorum thinks there's enough jobs to go around for old people to even have places to keep working at. Fucking dumbass.

Polythene_Pam September 14, 2011 at 3:11 pm

My 76 year old uncle has been coming over to my house on a regular basis, for the past few months, so that I can help him apply for jobs on 'the internet'.

I think I finally got him something – a temp job at a Halloween store. That should buy him lots of old people food, shouldn't it?

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Fuck. That is really fucking depressing.

Dashboard_Jesus September 14, 2011 at 5:38 pm

oh dear, I hope you're kidding about that, yes? (if not, I hear candy corn is very nutritious so tell him to stock up!)

V572 T-Blow September 14, 2011 at 2:11 pm

The best thing about Ricky S is the look on his face in the debates when Perry and Mittens pander and lie and obfuscate and generally behave like the weasels they are. Ricky S believes all the crazy, dangerous, bigoted shit he says, and is truly astonished to see that others don't.

poncho_pilot September 14, 2011 at 2:12 pm

replace "Ricky S" with "Ron Paul"…surprise! not really.

poncho_pilot September 14, 2011 at 2:21 pm

very similar mindset. different stubbornly held beliefs. i do admire people for remaining consistent in the face of a largely indifferent or annoyed world. either way, neither will get the nomination so they have that in common, too.

Arken September 14, 2011 at 2:49 pm

I will never get this whole 'I admire Ron Paul for being consistent' thing. Not to go Godwin, but Hitler was consistent.

V572 T-Blow September 14, 2011 at 8:34 pm

It's like when people say, "Sure, the Pope is not as attentive as he ought to be about the way his priests are torturing children, but at least he's making a difference." You know who else "made a difference"?

V572 T-Blow September 14, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Ron's got the flinty-eyed look of a true believer who knows everyone thinks he's crazy and doesn't give a shit, which is kind of an appealing quality of its own. He doesn't seem like an instinctive bigot the way Ricky S does. Of course Ron wouldn't pay for medical care if his gardener cut a finger off with a hedge-trimmer, but it wouldn't be because Pedro was a Catholic; it'd be because of the Free Market, which would have encouraged Pedro to buy his own workmans comp policy if only the Invisible Hand™ had been unshackled from onerous government regulation.

SorosBot September 14, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Nor, indeed, would Ron lift a finger if his uninsured campaign manager came down with pneumonia, and he would just let him die; in fact, he did.

Dashboard_Jesus September 14, 2011 at 5:47 pm

damn, beat me to it…and why hasn't THIS been featured before on Wonkette…the guy was RP's #! booster/ cheerleeder/ fundraiser and he let's the poor guy DIE w/out health insurance, WTF? I guess the crazy fucker really DOES believe in that Libertarian bullshit! http://gawker.com/5840024/ron-pauls-campaign-mana

The way I read it, RP sez to his BFF Kent Snyder, "thanks for all the help running for POTUS and raising MILLIONS of $$$$ for my campaign 'ol buddy, sorry 'bout YOUR luck…at least you can die a happy Libertarian knowing the TAXPAYERS won't get stuck with your hospital bills!"

DaRooster September 14, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Hey Dumb-Ass… If you and your buddies leave it alone, Social Security will pay full (as of this moment) for 28 years and then FOREVER at 80%.

Just thought you should know that… even though you should know that.

prommie September 14, 2011 at 2:22 pm

You Da Rooster, man.

baconzgood September 14, 2011 at 2:30 pm

SHUT UP YOU LIB-TARD!!! WITH YOUR "FACTS". YOU'RE NOT AN EMARICAN!!!!!! WHERE'S YOUR FLAG PIN EH?!?!?! I thought so!

DaRooster September 14, 2011 at 3:01 pm

I got your flag pin…. wait… POLE!!

(whew)

GOPCrusher September 14, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Of course, if they just removed the upper income cap of when you stop paying into Social Security, they would have more money than they know what to with. But instead they would prefer to try to pull the plug on a program that has been chugging along for 70+ years.

DaRooster September 14, 2011 at 5:17 pm

I believe there was legislation entered today to do just that… just wait… I'm sure it will pass.

Studebaker Hawk September 14, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Why doesn't he get a job? Too frothy to work?

Jukesgrrl September 14, 2011 at 3:36 pm

It's more Christian to take charity. Which he does. From more than one "think tank" he contributes nothing to.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Which is good. More for him, less for other "causes." Yes?

chicken_thief September 14, 2011 at 2:12 pm

I bet there's a shitload of 61 yr olds that think 62 is a good retirement age.

DaRooster September 14, 2011 at 2:24 pm

And probably a few 63 year olds.

OneDollarJuana September 14, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Hell, I think age 57 on September 14, 2011 at 11:41 am is a great retirement age!

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Happy Birfday. Or Unbirfday, as the case might be.

philpjfry September 14, 2011 at 2:31 pm

I know I am. I applied last week to start collecting next year, before they do something stupid like take away the COLA, oh wait they did that. Fuck. I hope I can live on the same amount for another 20 years. I guess I can always hope I don't live very long. Hurray the republicans have me praying for death.

DaRooster September 14, 2011 at 3:21 pm

If they win… we won't need to pray… we can just wait.

SorosBot September 14, 2011 at 2:12 pm

And keeping the old people from retiring, keeping jobs that would have instead gone to unemployed younger people, is a great way to help the economy.

AlterNewt September 14, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Mr.President, where are the jobs for the octogenarians?!

GOPCrusher September 14, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Wal-Mart.

Jukesgrrl September 14, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Sorry, even they're not hiring.

GOPCrusher September 14, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Fuck. There goes my retirement dreams.

hollywooddood September 14, 2011 at 3:49 pm

How many 79 year olds does Santorum employ on his staff?

Jukesgrrl September 14, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Good question! But something tells me he's into free child labor.

Arken September 14, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Hey Rick, we could totally fix this problem with panels that decide when people get to die.

jjdaddyo September 14, 2011 at 3:30 pm
emmelemm September 14, 2011 at 3:47 pm

I really love that incredibly dumb, dated movie.

ProudLibunatic September 14, 2011 at 4:09 pm

I still get a sick feeling when I see that! *shudder*

finallyhappy September 14, 2011 at 4:27 pm

yeah, but michael york was hot plus I love the cats and Peter Ustinov in the Capitol.

ProudLibunatic September 14, 2011 at 4:49 pm

But the masks, and the hoods, and the executions…
…and I was young and impressionable when I first saw it!

( My daughter has a similar thing. She is totally creeped out by Nicholas Cage. And don't even get her started on Edward Scissorhands!)

An_Outhouse September 14, 2011 at 4:22 pm

I heard that was on last Monday night. At least there was lots of cheering for some dead guy.

Dr_Zoidberg September 14, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Oh, hell, Ricky, just create roving bands of armed men to shoot the old people.

GhostBuggy September 14, 2011 at 2:21 pm

"Santorum's Run."

Ew.

poncho_pilot September 14, 2011 at 2:25 pm

A Canticle For Santorum.

DashboardBuddha September 14, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Santorum is runny.

KeepFnThatChicken September 14, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Or render'em and turn'em into entrees. "Santorum Green"

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Didn't Our Wonkette report that the Japanese are making burgers out of reconstituted feces?

KeepFnThatChicken September 14, 2011 at 4:06 pm

I thought it was rendered assholes.

My GOD, what is it about this Wonkette fetish we have?!

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 4:17 pm

I distinctly remember an article on shitburgers because it, uh, stood out among the usual anusburger and corn-syrup-lardcake paeans that often grace this site.

BarryOPotter September 14, 2011 at 2:41 pm

"Santorum Green is people (au jus), people!!!"

dyedwool September 14, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Or just hold a daily lottery for the Olds to go hunting with Cheney.

Jukesgrrl September 14, 2011 at 3:43 pm

But, Ricky, don't forget to blame it on Democrats so FOX can write "Roving bands of killers (D) eliminating defenseless old folks?" on the crawl.

Come here a minute September 14, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Rick is just frothing with ideas.

OneYieldRegular September 14, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Suddenly, God intervened and Rick Santorum found himself under a blazing hot summer sun, forced to dig ditches for 12 hours a day just to be able to afford to feed his ginormous family, with no possibility of retirement until age 80. Amen.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Christ, I fucking wish.

SexySmurf September 14, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Abort old people, not fetuses (feti?)!

poncho_pilot September 14, 2011 at 2:17 pm

win!

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Legalize 260th Trimester Abortion!

KeepFnThatChicken September 14, 2011 at 2:14 pm

…but if all we make here is hoverounds and catheters, who will buy them if they die sooner?

AlterNewt September 14, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Wait…just …a…doggone minute!

Hovererounds with built-in catheters!

baconzgood September 14, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Have your people call my people and we'll hammer out a deal memo.

AlterNewt September 14, 2011 at 5:13 pm

It'll be huge. Huuuuge.

baconzgood September 15, 2011 at 12:34 am

By the way, Which one of you is Pink?

Rosie_Scenario September 14, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Of course, not everyone has a nice, clean, sedentary job like Rick. What does he do again? Should be fund times, when we have elderly folks working as firefighters, construction workers, etc. Not to mention that there aren't enough jobs for young, able-bodied people, etc.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 14, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Rick sucks at the teat of his wealthy supporters for a living. Nice job if you can get it.

Jukesgrrl September 14, 2011 at 3:46 pm

It's the kind of charity many Christians believe in. "Well, they live in a $700,000 house, but they WOULD be poor if we didn't keep showering them with money."

SorosBot September 14, 2011 at 2:17 pm

62-year-olds may be able to keep working at cushy desk jobs, Ricky, but it's a little different for people who do manual labor, like construction, manufacturing or janitorial work.

Not_So_Much September 14, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Menial labor is not a concept he understands. Only time he sweats is every two years when his bible calendar says its time to (shamefully) manufacture a baby.

GOPCrusher September 14, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Construction?
Manufacturing?

We do that in America?

James Michael Curley September 14, 2011 at 2:21 pm

So, I'm sittin around in 1977; doin some veterans work, doing some olds work, doin a lot of party work and theys ask me to join a group to make recommendations to the Peanut Farmer, the presnit himself, as to what we can do about social security. Sos we all say theres lots of us gonna get old in bout thirty five years and we will want our money. But do they listen? Noooooooo! Crashed a few helicopters in the desert, lost a few latin merican countries to the commies and the repubs decide to kill any 'reform' of social security. It'll work just well theys say. Then theys elect the guy with the Henna Hair and all goes down the turlet.

prommie September 14, 2011 at 2:21 pm

What makes him think the SS actuaries haven't updated their data? Fucking liar.

ThundercatHo September 14, 2011 at 2:21 pm

New rule: Any former or present elected official who mentions reducing govt. benefits for poor people must immediately forfeit all of theirs. Oh and BTW, fuck you with a branding iron you worthless piece of shit.

baconzgood September 14, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Hey Rick "life expectancy" is a calculation that considers the average of the whole population. This includes not only the olds but child death and the factory deaths of people who are of working age. Now if we calculate (in the negative) how many fetus' that crypto fascist luburals kill, and all the ages of all the children that the gahyz DON'T have (by the #'s that you imagine or that the voices in the mushy lump 3 feet above your ass tell you) the life expectancy is about the same now as it was in pre-polio vaccine Emerica.

CHECK AND MATE!

DaRooster September 14, 2011 at 3:26 pm

(I think he's playing checkers… by himself… and losing.)

baconzgood September 14, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Tic-Tac-Toe?

TheGyrus September 14, 2011 at 2:21 pm

“Does anybody in this room believe that somebody that 62 years old is too old to work in America today?”

Nobody except, you know, employers.

Graham Cracker September 14, 2011 at 3:35 pm

May be, if we cut their taxes more, they would hire the olds.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 4:26 pm

It's been, what, thirty years? Hasn't worked so far.

not that Dewey September 15, 2011 at 1:13 am

They weren't old then. Duh.

Pristine_ODummy September 15, 2011 at 1:16 am

Uh, dood? The bottle's hitting back. Put. it. down.

Steverino247 September 14, 2011 at 7:31 pm

How about passengers on commercial airliners when they see the flight attendants can't reach over their heads and have to ask passengers to move stuff up there for them. You should be able to work as long as you want to unless passenger safety would be compromised. Working just for the health insurance is a bad idea for more reasons than one.

johnnyzhivago September 14, 2011 at 2:22 pm

They should start teaching Boy Scouts NOT to help old ladies across the street – instead they should lecture them on taking responsibility for themselves.

poncho_pilot September 14, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Ayn Rand's Producer Scouts:

A Scout is greedy.
i got mine. fuck you.

OneDollarJuana September 14, 2011 at 2:59 pm

A Scout is greedy.
i got mine. fuck you.
Get away from me, I have a knife.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 14, 2011 at 2:22 pm

It is not that 62 is too old to work. It is just that they don't want to. Frothy Rick should keep in mind that there are a lot of olds out there and they love to vote because they're not working and bored.

Crank_Tango September 14, 2011 at 2:22 pm

If you've ever been in line with one of those old cashiers at K-mart, then you would know that yes, 62 is too old to be working. Maybe not in all jobs, sure.

Also, happy scarlett johanssen day!

prommie September 14, 2011 at 3:22 pm

mmmmm, Scarlette Johanssen. Shiver, tingle!

MissTaken September 14, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Isn't every day is happy Scarlett Johanssen day?

Crank_Tango September 14, 2011 at 3:34 pm
MissTaken September 14, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Thank you. No really, thank you.

Crank_Tango September 14, 2011 at 4:21 pm

you're quite welcome, Miss.

MistaEko September 14, 2011 at 2:23 pm

So they were pissed at Alan Greyson because he mischaracterized "Die Quickly" as applying to just Health Insurance, not the safety net as a whole?

mavenmaven September 14, 2011 at 2:36 pm

I wish he'd make a comeback. He was the only one who dared call these folks on what they are implying…

OneDollarJuana September 14, 2011 at 3:04 pm
GOPCrusher September 14, 2011 at 3:31 pm

He was on Keith Olbermann last night. Still kicking ass and taking names.

finallyhappy September 14, 2011 at 4:30 pm

yup, I gave money to him in his last campaign so I am on his on-line mailing list

johnnyzhivago September 14, 2011 at 2:23 pm

I'd like to see the roller pin indentation in Rick's head if he tried to explain this to my mother.

Ancient_Hacker September 14, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Rick is showing his ignorance of what "life expectancy" really means…. It has nothing to do with how long most people live, it's just an average, including infant mortality. The medical advances since 1936 have slashed infant mortality, so "life expectancy" has gone up, but that doesn't mean that there are that many more old folks in working condition. It just means the average has gone up, due to far fewer childhood deaths.

Crank_Tango September 14, 2011 at 3:12 pm

hmm, so you're saying it's abortion's fault?

DaRooster September 14, 2011 at 3:28 pm

There it is-
We have to do away with Child Labor Laws!

zappadoo76 September 14, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Actually, there has also been a lot of improvement in the treatment of the physical problems of the olds–replacing organs that wear out and stuff. Also, too, there is more preventive medicine, such as the statins and beta blockers that are pimped by big pharma. Geezers take this stuff so they can stay around forever to bother us. To paraphrase the late, great J.C., the olds, like the poorz, will always be with us.

Jukesgrrl September 14, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Far fewer deaths at any age. We're much less likely to die from injuries sustained in car accidents, on-the-job accidents, heart attacks, strokes, even gunshot wounds than we were a couple of decades ago. That would be due, of course, to goddam gubmint regulations coming from devils like OSHA and the Highway Safety Council, not to mention NIH-sponsored medical research. See how bad regulation is for the public??? No taxes!!!11!

An_Outhouse September 14, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Stop it with the facts. They're confusing AND boring.

mumbly_joe September 14, 2011 at 6:34 pm

Beyond that, it's also worth noting that what life expectancy gains there have been have been extremely income-dependent. The poors have seen a life expectancy gain of a whopping 1 year over the past 30 years, which is a mite less than a few months ever year. Santorum's plan for saving social security is to make sure anyone who might need social security in old age dies before they see any benefits.

poncho_pilot September 14, 2011 at 2:28 pm

He attended schools in the Butler Area School District,[8] where he gained the nickname “Rooster”, allegedly because he "always had a few errant hairs on the back of his head that refused to stay down", and he was "noisy, showy, dogged and determined like a rooster and never backed down".

or maybe because he's a cock.

ThundercatHo September 14, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Or maybe because he makes too much noise and is completely worthless.

poncho_pilot September 14, 2011 at 2:40 pm

lol.

DaRooster September 14, 2011 at 3:10 pm

THIS IS NOT TO BECOME COMMON KNOWLEDGE…

… and should not be mentioned again. Thanks.

hollywooddood September 14, 2011 at 2:29 pm

How does one decide where to work at age 79? WalMart or McDonald's? Tough choice.

ThundercatHo September 14, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Next debate Ricky S. should wear one of those striking blue vests. "Hello and welcome to Malwart. Fetus jars? Aisle 9."

Jukesgrrl September 14, 2011 at 4:02 pm

The only new McDonald's are opening in China. And they probably have enough of their own olds.

MistaEko September 14, 2011 at 2:31 pm

And so the idea that we’re going to keep the Social Security program locked in on a 1937 actuarial chart makes no sense at all

Can federal employees start screaming down these morons so I don't have to post this anymore? http://www.ssa.gov/history/lifeexpect.html

OneDollarJuana September 14, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Thanks for that! I'd just read a statement stating that life expectancy has not gone up significantly in terms of SS payouts since the program was initiated. This backs it up.

What I'd like to see, though, in addition to the number of Americans 65 and older, is the number of Americans paying into the program.

elviouslyqueer September 14, 2011 at 2:46 pm

All right, Mister Fancy with the Facts. Next thing you'll be telling me is that us gays don't regularly engage in teh buttsecks with the neighbor's border collie, and that a lot of American women are actually perfectly okay with aborting them babeez.

bikerlaureate September 14, 2011 at 6:58 pm

Is "border collie" some kind of slang term the bois are using now?

elviouslyqueer September 14, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Dear Rick:

Remember when you used to be relevant? Yea, me neither.

Fuck off, you ageist homophobic choad.

EQ

Schmannnity September 14, 2011 at 2:31 pm

If only he could drop his opposition to man on dog sex, there would be a lot less surviving spouse payouts.

chascates September 14, 2011 at 2:32 pm

At 57 years old I don't mind working longer. I JUST CAN'T GET A FUCKING JOB IN THIS ECONOMY AND BECAUSE OF MY AGE!

mrblifil September 14, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Maybe you'll get lucky and DIE SOON!!! (CHEERING!!1!!)

peaceocrap September 14, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?

Dr_Zoidberg September 14, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Don't rile up us olds. We can't bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Now where was I… oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn't get white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones…

ApplesauceRobot September 14, 2011 at 2:48 pm

How are you not in the US Senate?

prommie September 14, 2011 at 3:43 pm

I thought you were going to get a walking bird?

Dr_Zoidberg September 14, 2011 at 3:52 pm

I old, and don't remember too good! *shakes fist angrily at clouds*

Nothingisamiss September 15, 2011 at 12:24 am

One of the best Simpson's monolouges evah.

not that Dewey September 14, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Kill off the elderly — with votes!

genxr September 14, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Survey the old!

donner_froh September 14, 2011 at 2:35 pm

"Because life expectancy in 1936 was 61. It’s now 80"

Not to worry. President Perry and the GOP super-majority in Congress will have the life expectancy trend going in the right direction by the end of 2013.

fuflans September 14, 2011 at 3:10 pm

i really really fear this.

Jukesgrrl September 14, 2011 at 4:11 pm

You have every reason to. Every dollar eliminated from OSHA, FDA, EPA, FAA, Consumer Product Safety, nuclear safety, food safety, highway and auto safety, Centers for Disease Control, the NIH, etc., etc., TO SAVE PRECIOUS TAX DOLLARZ increases the chances we gonna bite da dust.

mavenmaven September 14, 2011 at 2:37 pm

I suppose he means that older people can fly to India or China and find manufacturing or other industrial jobs that no longer exist in the USA.

MissTaken September 14, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Right on it Santorum! I'm going to my grandparent's house right now to tell them that despite Grandma's advanced Alzheimer's and Grandpa's diabetic foot that will probably be amputated soon that they need to hit the pavement and get themselves some jobs, already. For America.

baconzgood September 14, 2011 at 2:43 pm

I've not been checking my pees and I just noticed I'm at 119p. UPFISTS FOR ALL!!! You get an upfist, and you get and up fist, and YOU get an upfist…

owhatever September 14, 2011 at 2:44 pm

All of the sixty-twos who are teabaggers listen to this and nod their little puppet heads like it doesn't apply to them … just to the other sixty-twos. The Repubs seem to be getting some traction to their DQQC — Die Quickly, Quietly and Cheaply — agenda. G'bye Grandpa.

emmelemm September 14, 2011 at 2:47 pm

It’s been downhill from there.

You can say that again, sister.

OneDollarJuana September 14, 2011 at 2:48 pm

We could save even more money if we'd just kick all the disabled slackers in my family who are on SS off the dole. And kick all the orphans off, too. They should have made better choices in life and genetics.

Jukesgrrl September 14, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Yeah, people like Paul Ryan, recipient of SSI during his youth.

philpjfry September 14, 2011 at 2:48 pm

I wonder what those kids will look like at this years concession speech?

littlebigdaddy September 14, 2011 at 3:11 pm

I will be seriously disappointed if one of them hasn't gone Goth.

Jukesgrrl September 14, 2011 at 4:14 pm

No freedums for those kids. They're seriously brainwashed. If they're going to be dressed in black it will be because they're priests and nuns.

imissopus September 14, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Rick, us libs wanted to do something about this, but you Teatards shouted down our "death panels" idea. Care to revisit?

Indiepalin September 14, 2011 at 2:51 pm

People might live longer, on the average that's true. What makes anyone think people are able to work longer?..instead of having five years where people putter around the resthome wondering where they are, we now have 15 – 20 years. When will someone call this douchebag on this fallacy.

genxr September 14, 2011 at 4:25 pm

The average life expectancy is increasing, but that increasing is happening almost exclusively among the well-off. The poors still die from lack of health care just like in the old days.

lochnessmonster September 14, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Do we really want 70 year olds up on roofs shingling? I'd like to see Santorum try that job for 5 minutes….

antispandex September 14, 2011 at 10:53 pm

Well, we do have women who think they should start families at 40 years old…and that's freakin' crazy (and since the prime age for reproduction amoung humans is, on average, from 15 to 25 years, "crazy" may be generous)….but see, we aren't supposed to bring up some things…like facts that won't allow room for our political or private goals.
I'm sorry, I forgot the snark. DAMMIT!…..Walnuts!

Mahousu September 14, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Santorum is currently 53 and hasn't really had a job since he lost the 2006 election. Who said you could retire at 49, Santorum?

Oh, the people of Pennsylvania did. Well, why don't you listen to them?

Doktor Zoom September 14, 2011 at 2:52 pm

I thought Santorum was going to save Social Security by banning abortion. Now he wants olds to work til they drop, too?

mrblifil September 14, 2011 at 2:53 pm

KILL ALL THE OLD PEOPLE ESPECIALLY THE SMELLY ONES!!1!

CCHHHEEEEEEERRRRRIIIIINNNNGGGGGGG!!!!

Jukesgrrl September 14, 2011 at 4:16 pm

And kill them twice if they're smelly and in the Senate.

BornInATrailer September 14, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Santorum, pandering to the progeria vote.

metamarcisf September 14, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Fecal Boy speaks: "about a month every few years, we gain in life expectancy". Wow, at that rate, by the year 2100, people will be living 180 years, except for the ones who get shot in convenience store robberies which is most of them. Maybe Fecal boy has a point…

sunmusing September 14, 2011 at 2:57 pm

You should try getting a job being 58 years old with bad knees. Even being a Wall-mart greeter is a pipe dream.

Weenus299 September 14, 2011 at 3:03 pm

The only way to get out of this crisis is to burn our loved ones' bones out of it.

x111e7thst September 14, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Put those saggy old fuckers to work. Santorum's fetus collection won't pickle itself.

Jukesgrrl September 14, 2011 at 4:18 pm

And imagine the jelly they could be making.

fuflans September 14, 2011 at 3:11 pm

hahahahaha dan savage has a job rick and you don't!!

YasserArraFeck September 14, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Rick S(oylent)antorum

Eve8Apples September 14, 2011 at 3:24 pm

We need Public Service Announcements encouraging the olds to adopt a "Jersey Shore" lifestyle – more smokin', drinkin', druggin', tannin', sexin' with strangers, and sittin' on their asses watching TV.

YasserArraFeck September 14, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Sounds great – wait 'till the chicks get a look at my one-pack

prommie September 14, 2011 at 3:45 pm

The 6-pack is right there, under this fat.

GOPCrusher September 14, 2011 at 5:37 pm

HA! I have a keg.

prommie September 14, 2011 at 3:45 pm

I'm game, hell, thats been my retirement plan for years, die young, leave a beautiful corpse.

metamarcisf September 14, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Rick Santorum concludes: "Since American women live longer than men, social security should start at different ages, depending on whether you're male or female. Does anyone not believe that I will be the next President?"

LiveToServeYa September 14, 2011 at 3:31 pm

So, wait, you're saying the iceberg bears are angry because people are living longer and there aren't enough olds to go around? Or the iceberg bears are angry because their icebergs are melting due to global warming?

Also, how can we be living longer and be so obese at the same time? Won't the bears be happy we're obese, or will our bodies sink their rapidly shrinking icebergs?

AAAAH! AL GORE HELP ME ON THIS ONE!

BlueStateLibel September 14, 2011 at 3:37 pm

I guess Social Security was a real deal back in 1936, you paid into it all your life, and then were eligible for it age 62, except most people were dead at 61. Wall Street should look into this, there's money to be had.

MissTaken September 14, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Yeah, shouldn’t there be some kind of expiration date on those people?

I don't think oldz are stamped with expiration dates so I resort to the smell test. Similar to sniffing a glass of wine, except with the oldz you are looking for a top note of ben gay with a sea bond finish. That's when you know they are ready for the nursing home (aka American Ice Float).

HistoriCat September 14, 2011 at 3:50 pm

OT – my mom keeps forwarding emails she gets from some idiotic friend of hers with all the RW talking points. Now, my mom is pretty much a moderate liberal but she's old and has that thought process which says anything sent by email must be legitimate. I'm tired of responding to this crap. Do I :
a) automatically delete her emails?
b) add the idiot RWer to some email lists so her email account is loaded down with junk?
c) other idea which you smart people come up with.

Eve8Apples September 14, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Automatically delete the emails. If she wonders where the emails went, tell her they contained viruses, and you didn't want her computer to get infected.

She will appreciate your concern and bake you a delicious pie.

metamarcisf September 14, 2011 at 3:57 pm

My advice, Flounder: start drinking heavily.

Jukesgrrl September 14, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Erase the E-mails and sign her up for Bernie Sanders' newsletter. Maybe she'll fall in love with him like my mother has and start doing everything HE says.

Slim_Pickins September 14, 2011 at 3:51 pm

53 and retired, LEAD BY EXAMPLE RICK! GO before your expiration date, seppuku is an honorable way to go, ask the Pope.

WhatTheHeck September 14, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Sorry, Rick. I've fallen and I can't get up to find a job.

real_dc_native September 14, 2011 at 3:57 pm

We should all start smoking again. Early death saves the government money

Eve8Apples September 14, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Smoking also generates tobacco tax revenue.

GOPCrusher September 14, 2011 at 5:40 pm

I'm willing. I gave it up over 4 years ago and now I ask myself, do I really want to exist any longer than possible?

real_dc_native September 14, 2011 at 4:01 pm

How are my kids suppose to find jobs if all of us olds don't ever quit working?

genxr September 14, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Attention olds. Enter the Carousel. This is the time of renewal. Be strong and you will be renewed.

finallyhappy September 14, 2011 at 4:34 pm

I have dizzy spells so I cannot enter the Carousel- and I am nearly 60.

prommie September 14, 2011 at 5:15 pm

True fact, when the States sued the tobacco companies, the tobacco companies argued that the damages should be reduced by the amount that all these people dying young had SAVED the states in pensions and medical benefits over the years. So you see, its all the fault of the anti-smoking crusade, can you even imagine how much money cigarrettes have saved social security over the years?

GOPCrusher September 14, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Probably time to re-think the whole texting while driving laws too. The Youngs can't get jobs either, so if they are killed off in hideous car accidents from distracted driving, well, WIN-WIN!

cobweb2 September 14, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Anybody know the approximate $$$ value of Ricky's US and PA government pensions and health insurance? Are Michael G.s periodic formaldehyde changes covered?

lochnessmonster September 14, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Santorum wants the olds to die so he has more Soylent Green!

cobweb2 September 14, 2011 at 5:24 pm

>>“Does anybody in this room believe that somebody that 62 years old is too old to work in America today?” Santorum asked. “<<
Does anybody frequenting wonkette believe that Santorum knows what work is?

hagajim September 14, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Let's get a 62-year old bull to "work" Rick's ass until he creates his own Santorum.

deanbooth September 14, 2011 at 5:30 pm

I hope to remain a Chippendale dancer until I'm 74. My wife, too, at Hooters.

FrenchTwist40 September 14, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Meh. They're disproportionately of the teabagger persuasion, so I may be able to agree with Santorum on this one. Certainly if my relatives are any indicator…

Fawkdifiknow September 14, 2011 at 5:45 pm

When you figure out that Michele is probably smarter than a good 98% of her supporters, you really start to appreciate the trouble this country is in. It would be interesting to meet some of the people who buy this book.

Funny, too.

KommunistKitty September 14, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore and I will put them to work in poverty wage wastelands.

RebelCountess September 14, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Legal abortion has kept untold millions from sucking at the government's teat (or any teat).
I don't understand why Santorum opposes it.

DerrickWildcat September 14, 2011 at 6:15 pm

There are a lot more things to die of when you get old than things you can die of when you get young.

Chet Kincaid September 15, 2011 at 9:59 am

You are both Coach and Woody.

smitallica September 14, 2011 at 6:25 pm

As someone whose boss is 78, trust me, Rick. He's too fucking old to work.

mumbly_joe September 14, 2011 at 6:35 pm

You know who else used 1937 actuary tables?

Chet Kincaid September 15, 2011 at 9:55 am

Franklin D. Hitler?

(You just looked so lonely, hangin' that Five up there for 15 hours.)

OKthennext September 14, 2011 at 6:36 pm

"Whatever happened to that thing the Amish do, where they send out their old people out on icebergs smeared in seal blood to be shredded by bears?"

It's the Amish who do that? Well, 'learn something new everyday'. That's my motto.

mumbly_joe September 14, 2011 at 6:38 pm

To be fair, when your "job" consists of collecting interest and dividends off of unrealized capital gains that you inherited, the age you decide to say that you've "retired" is pretty much irrelevant. And since, as a Republican, Santorum's only true constituency is the modern-day landed aristocracy…

DemonicRage September 14, 2011 at 8:07 pm

I guess it hurts being so far below the "first tier" candidates that Man on Dog Santorum feels he has to come up with outrageous statements, just to get attention. Try getting a job anywhere in America today if you're between the ages of 57 and 65. What an ass, and I don't mean that in the good sense of the word!

BZ1 September 14, 2011 at 9:51 pm

Elvis is still raking in the dough…

antispandex September 14, 2011 at 10:43 pm

Well…there are too many old and poor people, and you won't let us eat them, so what are we going to do?
P.S. Please stop showing that picture. It tells more about America than I care to contemplate.

ttommyunger September 15, 2011 at 11:51 am

Good to see Ricky continuing his death grip on the "third rail" of politics. Hang in there, dummy, way to fail!

BruceLee5000 September 15, 2011 at 3:29 pm

"He held a policy meeting with his secret “panel of advisers” (the rows of fetus jars stacked in his basement)[...]"

FTW UNTIL THE END OF TIME!!!
I haven't even read the rest of the post. I had to call out this brilliant writing immediately! Devastatingly Hilarious!

Jukesgrrl September 14, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Do you even think Rick knows how to spell actuary … well, he would if they were named after St. Actuary.

not that Dewey September 15, 2011 at 12:26 pm

???

Pristine_ODummy September 15, 2011 at 1:09 pm

We've been cutting taxes since Reagan, and older workers have not benefited in any way, and neither have the legions of job-seekers. Unemployment was high during the Reagan years, as I remember only too well, despite all the tax-cutterin'.

not that Dewey September 15, 2011 at 3:51 pm

I don't get it. You see, I'm just a Breitbartian moron like Spanky who thinks that supply-side economics is something more than a fever dream. Please explain it in more detail.

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