WASILLA FAMILY VALUES  11:38 am September 14, 2011

National Enquirer Says Sarah Palin Sexed Black Guy (Hint: Not Todd Palin)

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

We smell a Pulitzer!WOAH HO HO! America’s newspaper of record The National Enquirer has a DEF-CON 4 WORLD EXCLUSIVE scoop: Sarah Palin had sex with a black guy, once, in the late 80s, right before she got married! THE CRAZY PART: Todd Palin, he is not black! Sarah Palin had sex with someone who is not Todd Palin! Todd Palin, he is also not Glen Rice, the famous NBA basketball star who says he had sex with Sarah Palin in 1987. Todd Palin, no one wants to have sex with him! Why wasn’t Todd Palin black enough for Sarah, in 1987? Reagan was president in 1987. This is Reagan’s fault, this entire story, this entire post, just like Reagan is to blame for everything that is unholy and decrepit and crumbling in America, starting with everything we have ever read about Sarah Palin and eventually ending there, too.

UGH. Seriously, stop reading. Stop reading this. STOP. STOP NOW, SAVE YOURSELVES, TURN OFF THE INTERNET:

Publishing sources familiar with the contents of author Joe McGinniss’ highly-anticipated book “The Rogue: Searching for the Real Sarah Palin” have revealed shocking secrets that will impact her decision to enter the 2012 presidential race.

In the book, which will be published on September 20th, McGinniss claims Sarah had a steamy interracial hookup with basketball stud GLEN RICE less than a year before she eloped with her husband Todd.

Sarah hooked up with the NBA great, then a 6-foot-8 junior at the University of Michigan when he was playing in a college basketball tournament in Alaska in 1987, the book says. At the time, Sarah, just out of college, was working as a sports reporter for the Anchorage TV station KTUU.

This is somehow “revenge” for all those times Todd Palin was going around bonking prostitutes after they were married. That’s how good Sarah Palin is at revenge. PREEMPTIVE STRIKES, THEY DO NOT FAIL. [National Enquirer]
 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 298 comments }

Barb September 14, 2011 at 11:40 am

Sara's got Jungle fever?

JustPixelz September 14, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Not anymore. She was given a government injection. Now she is cured. And stupid.

elviouslyqueer September 14, 2011 at 12:02 pm
Tundra Grifter September 14, 2011 at 12:15 pm

True story. I saw this movie in a theatre on San Francisco's Market Street. The audience was, well, not racially balanced.

WARNING: Plot Spoiler.

At the end, when Ken Norton is held down in a vat of boiling water with a pitchfork by a white guy, most of the people watching the movie began to boo and otherwise object.

I left before the lights came on.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 12:27 pm

I remember reading this book when I was a mere sprog. (Our parents kept us well supplied with reading material, but they exercised very little control over *what* we read, and thought nothing of giving us The Rise and Fall of The Third Reich to read at age 7 or 8.)

It was horrifying. I can't believe someone made a film out of that awful tripe.

Chet Kincaid September 14, 2011 at 2:20 pm

The name of a once-mighty West African empire and culture, reduced to sniggers. Sundiata Keita wept.

Tundra Grifter September 14, 2011 at 6:35 pm

I read em all – Falconhurst, Falconhurst Fancy, Bride of Falconhurst (ok, I'm not so sure about that one!) – etc. As I remember, the first ones were written by a pair of authors, and then one of them took off and wrote some more on his own.

Slave breeding farm, covering wenches – unique series.

Trannysurprise September 14, 2011 at 6:07 pm

No boom boom with soul brother! Too-boo-coo!! Too-boo-coo!!!

mourningnmerica September 15, 2011 at 7:19 pm

This just in: The Palin camp has selected their campaign song. "It's Over" by Roy Orbison.

It reminds me of the old saying: "Once you go black, you can't get any Tea Party votes."

Lucky there are no black people in Alaska, or she would've gobbled more dark meat than Lisa Lampinelli on holiday in Zimbabwe.

ManchuCandidate September 14, 2011 at 11:40 am

Is it twoo that dey say your pepwle are gwifted?
It's twooo! It's twooo! It's twooooo!!!!

Thurman Munster IV September 14, 2011 at 12:06 pm

How dare you sully the memory of Madeline Kahn with that reference? Now, more schnitzenbgruben?

yyyaz September 14, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Seven has always been my magic number.

tessiee September 15, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Bitte, Schatzie.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 14, 2011 at 6:41 pm

Sarah thought they were grifted.

ttommyunger September 15, 2011 at 12:15 pm

"What a nice guy!"

ifthethunderdontgetya September 14, 2011 at 11:41 am

Thanks once again, John McCain

UGH. Seriously, stop reading. Stop reading this.

O.K., I'm going out on nature photo-safari.
~

Guppy06 September 14, 2011 at 1:03 pm

That's what she called it.

Texan_Bulldog September 14, 2011 at 11:41 am

Maybe he was just teaching her how to dance.

V572 T-Blow September 14, 2011 at 11:49 am

Or play the banjo.

No wait, Sarah's "talent" in the beauty contest was playing…wait for it…the flute!

yyyaz September 14, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Gotta love a wood wind.

Chichikovovich September 14, 2011 at 1:47 pm

skinflute? boneophone? prickolo?

V572 T-Blow September 14, 2011 at 2:41 pm
Tundra Grifter September 14, 2011 at 12:16 pm

He definately taught her how to boogie.

Boojum_Reborn September 14, 2011 at 12:19 pm

That's why Baptists are against sex standing up…it leads to dancing. With black people.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 12:28 pm

That didn't work out so well, did it? The only dance she seems to have mastered is the horizontal samba.

MittsHairHelmet September 14, 2011 at 11:41 am

I am so jealous of Glen Rice.

AJWjr. September 14, 2011 at 12:04 pm

NOT!
I always wanted to say that here.

MittsHairHelmet September 14, 2011 at 12:11 pm

are you serious? I would do unspeakable things to Sarah Palin if i got the chance.

yyyaz September 14, 2011 at 12:14 pm

I would too. But none of them would have anything to do with sexytime activities.

SorosBot September 14, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Oh god know; for one thing it would be impossible to get it up in front of that harpy.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Hatefucking and grudgefucking can only take you so far.

flamingpdog September 14, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Sneak up from the back, like Marcus.

tessiee September 15, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Let alone keep it up with her screeching, "Oh, yeah!" in that nails on a chalkboard voice.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Just don't forget to have someone tie moose antlers to your behind so we can drag you out of her Black Hole, if needed.

GunToting[Redacted] September 14, 2011 at 1:14 pm

I would have hit it back then. However, I was 18 and would have hit nearly anything, so I'm probably not an ideal endorsement.

PhilippePetain September 14, 2011 at 3:26 pm

I'd share her around the crash pad.

Negropolis September 14, 2011 at 11:54 pm

You disappoint me; you really just did.

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Isn't another of his exes on VH1's Basketball Wives?

I smell synergy, in the event. Sarah Palin's Alaska: Miami Beach cannot be far behind.

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Tagline: No Bump-It, No Weave, No Extension will be safe when these ladies tangle.

Indiepalin September 14, 2011 at 11:42 am

Has the Chicago Tribune vetted this story for comic strip accuracy yet?

*As mayor, she used every tool in kit *

Texan_Bulldog September 14, 2011 at 11:46 am

Also Newsday & the Atlanta Journal Constitution…

Mumbletypeg September 14, 2011 at 11:42 am

Black Snake Moan, meet "oooooh, Barracuda!"

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 12:30 pm

It ain't gonna be the black snake that's moanin' here.

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 2:28 pm

The trailer for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo features a cover (?) version of "Barracuda", which means, when I'm trying to focus on Rooney Mara, I'm stuck thinking about Sarah Palin. It's so annoying.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 3:00 pm

The Swedish version was fantastic, which leaves me worried about what the American version will be like. Prettied up, I suspect. Have you seen it yet?

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Not out 'til December 22nd. (They're billing it as "the feel bad movie of the season".) & it's Fincher directing, with soundtrack work from Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross, so I don't know how gussied up it will be, in comparison to the Swedish original (which was really good).

ManchuCandidate September 14, 2011 at 11:42 am

Obviously she has proved her greatest skill is quitting by quitting "Once you go black, you never go back."

JustPixelz September 14, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Who says she went back? Her kids suddenly look more urban.

flamingpdog September 14, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Isn't Tawd native? Next best thing to urban.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Half. His mother's a white woman, blonde and everything. Daddy was the native half. His mother can't STAND Sarah.

Oh, yeah, Sarah refers to the natives of AK as "snow-n******," or so I've heard. So maybe she just couldn't tell the difference between Toad and Glen Rice.

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Your anecote reminds me: I still laugh when I remember two message-board denizens referring (ironically) to Asian-Americans as "math-n******".

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Geez. As a person of multiethnic persuasion, I don't even know how to react to something like that.

Negropolis September 14, 2011 at 11:55 pm

I thought it was just a quarter?

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 11:59 pm

Wouldn't be the first time I was wrong about the "extent" of what we used to call "a touch of the tarbrush," back in the bad old days. Toad certainly does look "exotic," as certain people like to say.

tessiee September 15, 2011 at 9:52 pm

"His mother can't STAND Sarah."

Neither can anyone else.

Ken Layne September 14, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Sarah Palin goes "Back, and to the right. Back, and to the right."

HedonismBot September 14, 2011 at 11:42 am

Now THAT'S racial transcendance!

justkillmenow September 14, 2011 at 11:43 am

Doesn't she actually earn some points for this?

Nah, still a dumb grifter.

MrsBiggTime September 14, 2011 at 11:43 am

Alternate headlines:
1. Palin Makes Rice Balls
2. White on Rice
3. ???

ManchuCandidate September 14, 2011 at 11:46 am

"Do you have some Rice in you?"
"What? No!"
"Do you want to?"

OneDollarJuana September 14, 2011 at 11:49 am

"Love that Uncle Glen's Rice!"

not that Dewey September 14, 2011 at 12:19 pm
chicken_thief September 14, 2011 at 11:52 am

Barracuda…… gets hooked? … swallows bait? … chokes on Rice? I don't know, it seems like it's right there, but ain't quite coming together.

Eh! "Coming together" – like Lou Sarah and Glen Rice!!!

WhatTheHeck September 14, 2011 at 11:56 am

Long grain rice?

ManchuCandidate September 14, 2011 at 11:57 am

Long grain Brown Rice

LesBontemps September 14, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Wild Rice?

GregComlish September 14, 2011 at 1:05 pm

What's with the Rice talk? Did Sarah also bang an Asian guy?

tessiee September 15, 2011 at 10:53 pm

Since it was the 80s, did it also somehow involve Donna Rice?

smitallica September 14, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Rice's 'Roni the Black Mandingo Treat.

OneYieldRegular September 14, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Moros y Cristianos?

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Mentiras! Yo soy cristiano viejo, dijo El Quijote.

BTWBFDIMHO September 14, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Condon Lease a Rice?

Barrelhse September 14, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Trigg's a Nigg

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 8:22 pm

In Wisconsin, you can take a swig at Nigg's.

It is a real bar. In Baraboo, maybe?

berkeleyfarm September 15, 2011 at 12:51 am

PROFIT!!!1!

mourningnmerica September 15, 2011 at 7:00 pm

Someone needs to ask her: "How was the Fab 11?"

mourningnmerica September 15, 2011 at 7:01 pm

So how big is Glen Rice's Johnson? It was enough to gag a maggot.

mourningnmerica September 15, 2011 at 7:03 pm

The Great Alaska Shoot It.

mourningnmerica September 15, 2011 at 7:04 pm

So Glen, did you enjoy your time in Wadzilla?

mereoblivion September 14, 2011 at 11:43 am

Sarah Palin . . . "steamy interracial hookup" . . . that picture of Liza Minnelli c. 1973 . . . somehow, something doesn't add up.

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Cocaine is an hell of a drug.

mereoblivion September 14, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Just ax Freud. And Sherlock Holmes.

HempDogbane September 14, 2011 at 11:43 am

I'm just gonna wait for the unauthorized Tim Pawlenty biography.

Boojum_Reborn September 14, 2011 at 12:21 pm

The working title is Snngngggggggzzzzz….

PuckStopsHere September 14, 2011 at 11:44 am

Teabaggers will put up with a lot, (okay, that's not actually true) but banging a black guy ain't one of them.

L188188 September 14, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Is that why they hate Michelle Obama's vegetable garden too?

tessiee September 15, 2011 at 10:03 pm

Or being a black guy, also neither.

johnnyzhivago September 14, 2011 at 11:44 am

Wait, this HAPPENED in the late 80's or she had sex with a black man in HIS late 80's????

ph7 September 14, 2011 at 12:46 pm

I think it means she banged Glenn Rice 80 times. Or 11 times, plus 69'd him once.

PubOption September 14, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Who is the black equivalent of Hugh Hefner?

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Sammy Davis, Jr.?

tessiee September 15, 2011 at 10:04 pm

Iceberg Slim?

Slim_Pickins September 14, 2011 at 11:44 am

Family values in action.

baconzgood September 14, 2011 at 11:45 am

DOGGY STYLE LIBEL!!!!!

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Sippin' on grift and moose… With my mind on my money, and my money on my mind.

Ducksworthy September 14, 2011 at 11:45 am

Well. At least this will finish her with her base. Goodby and good riddance.

AJWjr. September 14, 2011 at 12:06 pm

No chance. They won't believe it, and will circle their wagons around her.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 12:37 pm

I'm going over to C4P and see if the howls of outrage have begun yet.

102415 September 14, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Just leave your muddy shoes outside til they are cleaned off or burned. Same with the gloves.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Not a peep over on that site. The Houston Chronicle's comments section is *filled* with palpitating comments about how UNFAIR this is, tho. And, apparently, some comments so hideously racist that even the palpitators didn't care for them.

Ducksworthy September 14, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Yo may be right. Or they may find her even more titillating.

mourningnmerica September 15, 2011 at 7:26 pm

You are mistaking a a circle jerk for support.

mourningnmerica September 15, 2011 at 7:25 pm

Yeah, I mean what is more unforgivable than THAT?

tessiee September 15, 2011 at 11:06 pm

"At least this will finish her with her base."

*clasping hands hopefully under chin*
Will it?
Will it, really?
Can it be that, after all this time, we've finally seen and heard the last of this stupid bitch?
I for one would like to chip in a few bucks if we're pooling our money to buy a lovely gift for this Mr. Rice gentleman, whoever he may be.

SexySmurf September 14, 2011 at 11:45 am

I'm guessing Glen Rice's standards are even lower than Wilt Chamberlain's.

yyyaz September 14, 2011 at 12:16 pm

What more proof would you need?

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Oh, like YOU would ever turn down free pussy.

Billmatic September 14, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Hey some dudes is born seven foot tall and some dudes can just hit a three pointer.

baconzgood September 14, 2011 at 11:45 am

Tee-Hee

"re-LOAD"

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Oh, that's why she said that!

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Metallica Libel!!!

bureaucrap September 14, 2011 at 11:45 am

The thought of anyone even *wanting* to have sex with mooselini … inexplicable…

HelmutNewton September 14, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Not really. She was a fresh 23 years old, and she hadn't pooped out any brats yet.

Geminisunmars September 14, 2011 at 12:27 pm

I read that as "pooped out any brains yet." As if she'd had some.

flamingpdog September 14, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Look at the picture at the top of the blog post. You wouldn't do that? Really? I mean, at least with her mouth duct-taped shut?

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 12:39 pm

There isn't a man on the planet who would turn down some nice, young poontang. No straight man, anyway. Not even most bi men.

OneDollarJuana September 14, 2011 at 12:47 pm

I remember my college days, and there were several who looked like that. Never said no, except once, but she kept asking until I finally said yes. Shoulda stuck to my guns.

Weenus299 September 14, 2011 at 11:45 am

Can the African American victim of this crime claim BLACK LIBEL?

poncho_pilot September 14, 2011 at 11:50 am

or get compensated a free bottle of Black Label.

tcaalaw September 18, 2011 at 11:31 am

Semen libel?

EatsBabyDingos September 14, 2011 at 11:46 am

Wonder if she tried Chef's salty balls.

jqheywood September 14, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Is that like Shweady Balls?

102415 September 14, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Not as good as a *salty pimp* from The Big Gay Ice Cream Truck.

Come here a minute September 14, 2011 at 11:46 am

And she didn't get pregnant? I can only credit Mr. Rice for that.

mourningnmerica September 15, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Track's hair is kinda curly, now that you mention it…

Sue4466 September 14, 2011 at 11:46 am

Well, she has been trying to fuck Barack Obama for about 3 years now.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 12:40 pm

She's so desperate to get his attention that I have to believe this.

LettucePrey September 14, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Aaaand…. we have a winner, folks! G'night!

Negropolis September 15, 2011 at 12:01 am

ZING!

WhatTheHeck September 14, 2011 at 11:47 am

Her “Family values” are still intact on account of the fact the penis was black.

johnnyzhivago September 14, 2011 at 11:47 am

I call BS!

A steamy hookup – was this a sex-romp or some kind of plumbing project involving industrial boilers???

SorosBot September 14, 2011 at 11:47 am

Ugh god I do not want to think of Sarah having sex with anybody just the use of Palin and sex in the same sentence is a giant boner killer.

KeepFnThatChicken September 14, 2011 at 11:47 am

I don't mind snarking on her or her grab-ass family at all. It's fun, and I enjoy it! But I couldn't care less who she gave some to.

V572 T-Blow September 14, 2011 at 11:52 am

Yes that would be the mature attitude. And in truth Sarah's never been one to scold others about sexytime behavior. Does she even know about teh Gheys?

I await furious refutation in the comments…

KeepFnThatChicken September 14, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Meh. So she slept with a brother. Once.

I mean, if you want my interest in this story, they both need to be camp counselors, having sex repeatedly behind the curtain at the ampitheater right before assembly, and in the camp director's station wagon while it's parked outside the chow hall, and right behind the persimmon grove near the beach during mandatory sunrise devotionals.

Other than that, it's a one-off. Meh.

deit: and they scream "HAIL SATAN!" at climax.

102415 September 14, 2011 at 6:21 pm

Begging to differ, she's with the abstinence crowd.

Negropolis September 15, 2011 at 12:03 am

So very sad that you missed the blatant snark.

102415 September 15, 2011 at 11:34 am

Win some lose some, who can explain it?,

MissusBarry September 14, 2011 at 11:48 am

Is this responsible for her hatred of non-whites? Perhaps he didn't call the next day.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Yaknow, Missus, you might have put your finger on something there. I've always wondered about her obvious dislike of Teh Cullud. I attributed it to her losing the beauty pageant to the sole black woman living in AK, but your scenario could make sense, too. Also.

Rotundo_ September 14, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Between the two incidents I am sure there is plenty of bottled up crazy leaking out to explain her. I didn't know about her second place finish to an african american young lady. That must have burned her redneck cookies but good. Add a "leaving at dawn before the sportsbimbo wakes up" exit from the gentleman and I imagine it might make her a bit spiteful. And I was thinking that her reason for sacking all those african american folks was raw unthinking racist thuggery. It's nice to know that there is a personal touch to her raw unthinking racist thuggery. It brings a smiling face to the jackbooted bitch.

ChessieNefercat September 14, 2011 at 6:54 pm

"…I imagine it might make her a bit spiteful."

Is there anything at all on this whole entire planet that doesn't "make her a bit spiteful"? She seems to be a spite-based life form.

tessiee September 15, 2011 at 10:13 pm

"She seems to be a spite-based life form. "

WIN!!

PhilippePetain September 14, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Or self hatred for her republican winger-taboo desires getting the better of her. She probably doesn't even admit it to herself. just react react react until you're a shriveled up shrew, and that's that.

OneDollarJuana September 14, 2011 at 11:48 am

re: <alt-text>

I think I smell something else.

Thurman Munster IV September 14, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Fish camp?

elviouslyqueer September 14, 2011 at 12:26 pm

The agony of de-feat?

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Not even Dwayne Johnson could prepare a feast sumptuous enough to mask that odour.

Ducksworthy September 15, 2011 at 11:35 am

They call it the slime line.

mourningnmerica September 15, 2011 at 7:29 pm

Loser?

itsjesuscriss September 14, 2011 at 11:49 am

It's a well known fact that the snows in Wasilla can completely cover a 55 gallon barrel. In fact, there are times when snowmo-hillbilling that I have stopped to make yellow and have fallen on my face only to realize that a 55 gallon drum had broken my fall and the only repercussions was a little snow up my nose. Thank god (pops) for 55 gallon drums and yellow snow.

baconzgood September 14, 2011 at 11:49 am

Look how close her room-mate's bed is to hers…..Do you think maybe she was having a little curious experimentation as well back then?…..Inquiring minds wanna know!

poncho_pilot September 14, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Rob and Laura Petrie's beds were farther apart than these "roommates".

ThundercatHo September 14, 2011 at 1:50 pm

They just wanted more room for "activities".

henrypuppyhead September 14, 2011 at 7:18 pm

Beaver sniper.

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 8:26 pm

You've been to CollegeRules, too, I see.

Sue4466 September 14, 2011 at 11:50 am

I thought we solved all the hysteria over black/white sexy time with Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? Or at least Loving v. Virginia.

Because the whole idea that a white woman had sex with a black guy is news, let alone a bombshell, is a sign that we never did leave the 1950s–so the Tea Baggers should be happy 'cause they still got their blissfully racist country.

Texan_Bulldog September 14, 2011 at 11:56 am

I would like some of what you're smoking!

Seriously, just recall the hullabaloo when Barbara Walters admitted in her biography that she had sex with Edward Brook, a black Senator.

Sue4466 September 14, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Yea, that's exactly my point.

Chet Kincaid September 14, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Actually, I don't recall ANY hullabaloo about that.

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Hullabaloo is a generic mind-bleach.

I mean, the though of lithpy Barbara Walters having sex. (At least it would have been soft-focus.)

GunToting[Redacted] September 14, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Yeth! YETH!!! Oh God, YETTTTTTHHHHHH!!!!!

poncho_pilot September 14, 2011 at 11:57 am

you would like to think that as a country we've improved that much but sadly, no…

Sue4466 September 14, 2011 at 12:01 pm

If Katherine Hepburn, Spencer Tracy, and Sidney Poitier couldn't do it, no one can.

AlterNewt September 14, 2011 at 11:50 am

This is good news for Herman Cain.

JustPixelz September 14, 2011 at 12:19 pm

I doubt he'll think so in the morning. Then the tweets will start: "America needs more Cain. Me 2. #XXX" And "U have 999, I want 69. #now". And the phone messages: "Hi. Um, I just wanted to run some campaign ideas by you. It's a little complicated. Gawd I hate these machines. Can we do this face to face? Your wife won't mind will she?" Eventually she'll be on teevee with crying while Gloria Allred says "Mr. Cain led my client to believe he had more than a physical interest in her and she acted accordingly. We want nothing less than a full public apology."

AlterNewt September 14, 2011 at 12:29 pm

"Bitch is crazy".

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 12:45 pm

I like this story.

102415 September 14, 2011 at 6:24 pm

Very good news indeed if not already! She loves pizza.

johnnyzhivago September 14, 2011 at 11:50 am

No snark here, but look, a junior cub reporter in your first job and you start sleeping with players you're covering??? What a fucking asshole….

chicken_thief September 14, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Just shows her commitment to her craft – the willingness to go to the mat, literally, for the story.

JustPixelz September 14, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Careful about "cub reporters". I think that's literally a job in Alaska.

flamingpdog September 14, 2011 at 12:29 pm

What eager and aggressive young cub reporter wouldn't do anything to get the "inside poop" on the subject of her article? Grizzly on man?

Nopantsmcgee September 14, 2011 at 12:57 pm

"What a fucking asshole…. "

That's what HE said!

metamarcisf September 14, 2011 at 11:51 am

After reading this story, I'm seriously considering giving up one of my favourite hobbies.

poncho_pilot September 14, 2011 at 12:04 pm

fucking female reporters?

flamingpdog September 14, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Reading?

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Having a negative p-score?

(Your decline — as it were — from three digits minus p has been precipitous. I imagine you hitting 0 in another week or so.)

102415 September 14, 2011 at 6:25 pm

Farting in bed?

natoslug September 14, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Masturbating?

tessiee September 15, 2011 at 10:21 pm

"one of my favourite hobbies."

Using the British spellings of words?

BornInATrailer September 14, 2011 at 11:53 am

Story needs DP or GTFO.

mookwrthwilson September 14, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Call Rumeal Robinson and find out what he was up to…

mourningnmerica September 15, 2011 at 7:31 pm

Haaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tcaalaw September 18, 2011 at 11:34 am

I think that's a good rule to apply to any story involving any member of the Palin family.

EatsBabyDingos September 14, 2011 at 11:53 am

Coulda been worse-she could have been cleaning rugs with Hillary.

DaRooster September 14, 2011 at 11:53 am

Hey! Who is masturbating to this?

GregComlish September 14, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Not me. I'm still jacking it to yesterday's photo of Bachmann's Power Wendel

flamingpdog September 14, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Sorry, I'm still being faithful to Benincasa, fool that I am.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Dammit, not now!

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 1:48 pm

All of us, Katie?

Papa_Uniform September 14, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Not me, I'm projectile vomiting.

henrypuppyhead September 14, 2011 at 7:19 pm

I'm just saving DNA in case I need to clone myself.

chicken_thief September 14, 2011 at 11:54 am

Curt Menard is gonna be pissed when he hears this.

poncho_pilot September 14, 2011 at 11:54 am

The National Enquirer is owned by Roger Altman.

"…an American investment banker, private equity investor and former United States Deputy Secretary of the Treasury who served under Bill Clinton."

"Altman is listed as a member of the Steering Committee of The Bilderberg Group…"–wiikipedia.

conspiracy! lol.

bigdupa September 14, 2011 at 11:54 am

"Which brand of schvanz do you prefer, Governor?"
"All of them, Katie."

Maman September 14, 2011 at 11:55 am

Thanks. I threw up a bit in my mouth because I had to imagine Sarah Palin having sex with ANYONE. I can't get the sound of her screechy voice saying sexy-time words out of my head. ugh.

Texan_Bulldog September 14, 2011 at 11:57 am

Ha ha…like 'dew it hodder, Tawd'

AJWjr. September 14, 2011 at 12:10 pm

What's the dildo?

JustPixelz September 14, 2011 at 12:08 pm

In my imagination, she is unable to speak during sex … as if a health insurance reform act or something is being rammed down her throat.

ChessieNefercat September 14, 2011 at 6:56 pm

In my imagination, she is unable to speak during sex because she is busy biting the head off her hapless mate.

tessiee September 15, 2011 at 10:26 pm

In my imagination, she is unable to speak during sex or any other time.

metamarcisf September 14, 2011 at 11:56 am

"You mahnd eff we dance wif yo dates?"

DerrickWildcat September 14, 2011 at 11:57 am

This probably isn't true since it's not:

"Doctors Baffled by Sarah Palin Sexing a Black Guy"
or
"Sarah Palin Sexed Black Guy, say Shocked Scientists"

flamingpdog September 14, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Sexing a space alien or GTFO!

mourningnmerica September 15, 2011 at 7:34 pm

The title of the article was, after all, "SARAH PALIN: Quitter, A Spitter, and she Took It In The Shitter"

BarackMyWorld September 14, 2011 at 11:57 am

Meh….stupid story is stupid.

Does Wonkette have a requisite Palin-post-per-day quota to meet?

AJWjr. September 14, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Page views put hobo beans on the table.

LowProfileinGA September 14, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Wonkette should be more like this:

American Economic Review
Vol. 101, No. 5, August 2011

An Experimental Component Index for the CPI: From Annual Computer Data to Monthly Data on Other Goods
Tim Erickson and Ariel Pakes

Nah! More sexytime with Sarah Lou!

DaRooster September 14, 2011 at 11:58 am

"At the time, Sarah, just out of college, was working as a sports reporter for the Anchorage TV station KTUU."

"… Glen Rice scored 28 points in the game… so I'm going to take him back to my shanty."

mavenmaven September 14, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Perhaps she thought he was Clarence Thomas.

flamingpdog September 14, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Did he buy her a hairy can o' Coke after the game?

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 1:25 pm

I was going to say: wasn't '87 about the time CT was being a burr up Anita Hill's behind?

BornInATrailer September 14, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Antler velvet covered concrete?

NewtsChicknNeck September 14, 2011 at 4:02 pm

She would still likely confuse Glen Rice for Clarence Thomas.
[Fill in the Punch-line]_______.

prommie September 14, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Nailin' Pailin II: The Black Years

flamingpdog September 14, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Nailing Pailin IIi: Getting the Shaft.

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Shaft III was sub-titled 'Shaft in Africa', so clearly, Nailin' Palin III could be the same, as well.

DaSandman September 14, 2011 at 12:04 pm

How could anyone bear to be close enough to her to bang her?

kissawookiee September 14, 2011 at 1:53 pm

If you're hung enough, technically you wouldn't have to get *that* close.

DaSandman September 14, 2011 at 5:38 pm

Play me coach, I'm hung like a king bull hamster!

DrunkenPalmetto September 14, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Go strong to the hole Glen!

mourningnmerica September 15, 2011 at 7:36 pm

Best.

BklynIlluminati September 14, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Oh totally explains all the heads exploding everywhere!

Gorillionaire September 14, 2011 at 12:10 pm

I kept trying to tell you people.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Oh, you certainly DID! (finally notices gorillionaire's av, slinks away shamefaced)

metamarcisf September 14, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Maybe Palin will have some comment on this story when she's interviewed on the Emmy Red Carpet Sunday. "Sarah Palin's Alaska" is up for an award for best original episode, "Clubbing the Halibut"

Tundra Grifter September 14, 2011 at 12:18 pm

And here we were thinking Donald Trump was the only conservative who got along well with the Blacks.

Indiepalin September 14, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Today Palin is tweeting: "I'm finally ready to announce my candidacy!"

CapnFatback September 14, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Hell, if she had waited a few years, "Nailin'" could have held out for the Fab Five.

flamingpdog September 14, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Teatards get upset that Sarah had an urban bed partner? Teatards hate teh culluheds for the same reason they hate teh gheys – they know that in their genetic closet, they have both.

freddymcmurray September 14, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Read the Enquirer article for another juicy tidbit. Cue the Clapton: duh duh duh duh… duh duh… COCAINE.

Boojum_Reborn September 14, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Alt text: It appears that Mr. Rice also smelled her Pulitzer, for which he deserves at least a Purple Heart.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Well, that's spelled Phew-litzer. Accuracy, if you please.

Boojum_Reborn September 14, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Actually, it is similar to the psy- in psychology.  Pu- is from Old Germanic, is pronounced Fyu, and means “Rotten Stench Monster.” 

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Upfist for "Rotten Stench Monster"!

donner_froh September 14, 2011 at 12:48 pm

This is somehow “revenge” for all those times Todd Palin was going around bonking prostitutes

Being married to Sarah Palin would drive stronger men the Todd into the rented embrace of a lady of negotiable virtue.

El Pinche September 14, 2011 at 12:56 pm

I like that rugged pic of Sarah on the Enquirer page. Who does her make-up? Sherwin Williams?

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 12:58 pm

After reading this, I want to Great Alaska Shoot (my eyes) Out.

Indiepalin September 14, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Take it from me: Ya shouldn't do coke while driving a snowmobile.

prommie September 14, 2011 at 1:04 pm

I wonder if this encounter was when she first came up with the slogan "Drill, Baby, Drill?"

El Pinche September 14, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Wait, McGinniss saw this from next door? Did he borrow Morgan Freeman's wormhole?

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 1:26 pm

No, but Sarah did.

jqheywood September 14, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Padump, dump!

Guppy06 September 14, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Not possible. With the stated claims of fertility in the Palin clan, she'd have birthed mulatto triplets after that one hook-up, and that's with a condom.

AlaskaGrrl September 14, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Well, there goes the southern vote. But there is an invitation from Clarance and Ginny Thomas for a three way.

meatlofer September 14, 2011 at 1:28 pm

I would soooo,not hit that,now!

PubOption September 14, 2011 at 1:34 pm

A knife, a fork, a bottle and a cork. That's how you spell Wasilla.

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Needs more scissors, i.e. Sheryl Swoopes.

BobWonderPoodle September 14, 2011 at 1:55 pm

I guess a triple-double is now redefined as two trips around the world.

owhatever September 14, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Afterward, she washed the condom and hung it out on the line to dry before pressing it in her diary. Wasilla neighbors said, "Oh, my." That little rogue.

Limeylizzie September 14, 2011 at 2:10 pm

In the late 80s? I wouldn't have been able to guarantee that I could remember who I sexed, let alone their race.

MadFlava76 September 14, 2011 at 2:24 pm

I have an overwhelming urge to listen to this song now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNbM781v7M0

subsum September 14, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Sadly, she did go back.

chascates September 14, 2011 at 2:37 pm

"On her first day of office, Sarah changed the screensaver on the mayor's official computer to read, 'GOD LOVES YOU, SARAH PALIN.'"
— from The Rogue, by Joe McGinniss

SwanSwanH September 14, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Muck Fichigan.

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 4:20 pm

If not for Rumeal Robinson's uncanny free-throw ability, P.J. Carlesimo would be known for something besides being Latrell Sprewell's sub.

L188188 September 14, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Apparently Rice confirms this in Joe McGinness's new book – out September 20th!

mrblifil September 14, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Glen Rice was a monster on the court during his college career. That he banged this sniveling idiot lowers his estimation in my mind forever more.

GortRay September 14, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Glen, the famous basketball player, slammed his throbbing orb into her quivering hoop, saying "bend over and spread 'em Sarah, here comes my dunk"

__kth__ September 14, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Actually as a baller, Rice was more of a pure shooter than the kind of guy who takes it hard to the hole.

Phrased for maximal innuendo, but actually true: career 40% from "behind the arc".

mourningnmerica September 15, 2011 at 7:40 pm

One from the charity stripe.

Barb September 14, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Hey Sarah, does he dribble before he shoots? Inquiring minds want to know.

YouBetcha September 14, 2011 at 3:48 pm

This is the single and only piece of information I've ever received about Sarah Palin that I find acceptable. Black dong = plus.

BTWBFDIMHO September 14, 2011 at 3:49 pm

I'm waiting for ManchuCandidate to write a poem using Mccain, Herman Cain, Cocaine, Insane.

MrsBiggTime September 14, 2011 at 3:58 pm

I don't get it. I tried to edit Rice's Wikipedia page but was rebuffed – seems they think the National Enquirer isn't a reliable source.

NewtsChicknNeck September 14, 2011 at 4:08 pm

also the post, the houston chronicle and miami herald are all re-reporting some version of it. my favorite thing? both the chronicle and the herald identify Rice as "ex-Rocket" or "Miami Heat's Glen Rice" which (at least in the Rox case) is like saying former LA Ram, Joe Namath. Go Rockets!!!

Also, the comments are great at the chronicle. Lots of rightwing fundies.

El Pinche September 14, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Katie Kouric: "Glen, did Sarah Palin fuck the shit out of you?"
Glen: "Like white on rice. "

voodooeconomics September 14, 2011 at 5:44 pm

What about them South Carolina and Mississippi voters. This will not go down very well in Dixie. Tea Party just went droopy…bye bye hard on.

rocktonsam September 14, 2011 at 6:31 pm

this must be why she wanted to be called "Mommy Sarah."

102415 September 14, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Oh please. She was drunk.

northernbassist September 14, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Shouldn't every sexual encounter involving the Governot be described as a gagbang?

102415 September 14, 2011 at 7:20 pm

http://www.themudflats.net/2011/09/12/from-the-cu

"Two eyes for an eye."
All we need to know.

henrypuppyhead September 14, 2011 at 7:21 pm

"Wisconsin nymphomaniac" comes to mind.

wonderchud September 14, 2011 at 8:48 pm

Does this mean that Sarah Palin will resign from FOX News and join the BBC team?

BZ1 September 14, 2011 at 9:38 pm

so…

Negropolis September 14, 2011 at 11:47 pm

What a brave man, taking one for the team and all.

ttommyunger September 15, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Helps explain the "Cunt as big as a Horse Collar" rumor.

tessiee September 15, 2011 at 10:37 pm

Well, that and her eight or nine stupidly-named kids.

ttommyunger September 15, 2011 at 11:30 pm

Yassum, them Palin gurlz sho like'm some dick, you betcha!

american__mutt September 15, 2011 at 7:42 pm

Of course she did. Nuff said.

randomsausage September 15, 2011 at 8:41 pm

It's twoo, it's twoo

tessiee September 15, 2011 at 10:44 pm

Let us now all enjoy a schaedenfreude-tastic chuckle while we picture the shit hemorrhage Sarah must be having over this.

lulzmonger September 15, 2011 at 11:23 pm

Shooting has already started on "Nailin' Pailin 3: Electric Boogaloo Revisited."

DesertTed September 16, 2011 at 12:30 am

I've never heard of a MudCuda before.

smoothmineral September 16, 2011 at 1:56 pm

This gives "Drill baby drill!" a whole new meaning.

MittsHairHelmet September 14, 2011 at 12:36 pm

far enough

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 2:23 pm

African history isn't even taught in this country. It's disgraceful.

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 2:27 pm

You forgot February!

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 2:58 pm

I try, but it never seems to work.

PhilippePetain September 14, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Sometimes laughing in disbelief does feel a little like sleeping with the enemy.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 3:55 pm

To be a wordsmith who has no words …

horsedreamer_1 September 14, 2011 at 4:17 pm

It was the incongruity of a punk-rock playing graphic designer from Minnesota saying it, & an erstwhile dominatrix from Chicago giggling over it.

Pristine_ODummy September 14, 2011 at 6:35 pm

We'll have to check back then.

Maybe I should watch the entire Swedish trilogy, then go watch the American version.

102415 September 14, 2011 at 7:42 pm

Maybe they gave the commenter/sock puppet wrangler at C4P a vacation? The hours are grueling and the pace is lightening fast. Or maybe it's turkey grinding season?

mourningnmerica September 15, 2011 at 7:22 pm

(Rim shot).

Negropolis September 15, 2011 at 11:08 pm

Some people say that, but to be honest, if no one would have told me he had any in him, I'd have never guessed. He looks like a regular ole blue-eyed white dude, to me. Not even something ethnic like southern Italian.

tcaalaw September 18, 2011 at 11:29 am

Or job, as the case may be.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: