wasilla family values

National Enquirer Says Sarah Palin Sexed Black Guy (Hint: Not Todd Palin)

We smell a Pulitzer!WOAH HO HO! America’s newspaper of record The National Enquirer has a DEF-CON 4 WORLD EXCLUSIVE scoop: Sarah Palin had sex with a black guy, once, in the late 80s, right before she got married! THE CRAZY PART: Todd Palin, he is not black! Sarah Palin had sex with someone who is not Todd Palin! Todd Palin, he is also not Glen Rice, the famous NBA basketball star who says he had sex with Sarah Palin in 1987. Todd Palin, no one wants to have sex with him! Why wasn’t Todd Palin black enough for Sarah, in 1987? Reagan was president in 1987. This is Reagan’s fault, this entire story, this entire post, just like Reagan is to blame for everything that is unholy and decrepit and crumbling in America, starting with everything we have ever read about Sarah Palin and eventually ending there, too.

UGH. Seriously, stop reading. Stop reading this. STOP. STOP NOW, SAVE YOURSELVES, TURN OFF THE INTERNET:

Publishing sources familiar with the contents of author Joe McGinniss’ highly-anticipated book “The Rogue: Searching for the Real Sarah Palin” have revealed shocking secrets that will impact her decision to enter the 2012 presidential race.

In the book, which will be published on September 20th, McGinniss claims Sarah had a steamy interracial hookup with basketball stud GLEN RICE less than a year before she eloped with her husband Todd.

Sarah hooked up with the NBA great, then a 6-foot-8 junior at the University of Michigan when he was playing in a college basketball tournament in Alaska in 1987, the book says. At the time, Sarah, just out of college, was working as a sports reporter for the Anchorage TV station KTUU.

This is somehow “revenge” for all those times Todd Palin was going around bonking prostitutes after they were married. That’s how good Sarah Palin is at revenge. PREEMPTIVE STRIKES, THEY DO NOT FAIL. [National Enquirer]

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Barb

    Sara's got Jungle fever?

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      Not anymore. She was given a government injection. Now she is cured. And stupid.

    • elviouslyqueer
      • Tundra Grifter

        True story. I saw this movie in a theatre on San Francisco's Market Street. The audience was, well, not racially balanced.

        WARNING: Plot Spoiler.

        At the end, when Ken Norton is held down in a vat of boiling water with a pitchfork by a white guy, most of the people watching the movie began to boo and otherwise object.

        I left before the lights came on.

        • Pristine_ODummy

          I remember reading this book when I was a mere sprog. (Our parents kept us well supplied with reading material, but they exercised very little control over *what* we read, and thought nothing of giving us The Rise and Fall of The Third Reich to read at age 7 or 8.)

          It was horrifying. I can't believe someone made a film out of that awful tripe.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            The name of a once-mighty West African empire and culture, reduced to sniggers. Sundiata Keita wept.

          • Pristine_ODummy

            African history isn't even taught in this country. It's disgraceful.

          • horsedreamer_1

            You forgot February!

          • Pristine_ODummy

            I try, but it never seems to work.

          • Tundra Grifter

            I read em all – Falconhurst, Falconhurst Fancy, Bride of Falconhurst (ok, I'm not so sure about that one!) – etc. As I remember, the first ones were written by a pair of authors, and then one of them took off and wrote some more on his own.

            Slave breeding farm, covering wenches – unique series.

    • Trannysurprise

      No boom boom with soul brother! Too-boo-coo!! Too-boo-coo!!!

    • mourningnmerica

      This just in: The Palin camp has selected their campaign song. "It's Over" by Roy Orbison.

      It reminds me of the old saying: "Once you go black, you can't get any Tea Party votes."

      Lucky there are no black people in Alaska, or she would've gobbled more dark meat than Lisa Lampinelli on holiday in Zimbabwe.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Is it twoo that dey say your pepwle are gwifted?
    It's twooo! It's twooo! It's twooooo!!!!

    • Thurman Munster IV

      How dare you sully the memory of Madeline Kahn with that reference? Now, more schnitzenbgruben?

      • yyyaz

        Seven has always been my magic number.

      • tessiee

        Bitte, Schatzie.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Sarah thought they were grifted.

    • ttommyunger

      "What a nice guy!"

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Thanks once again, John McCain

    UGH. Seriously, stop reading. Stop reading this.

    O.K., I'm going out on nature photo-safari.
    ~

    • Guppy06

      That's what she called it.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Maybe he was just teaching her how to dance.

    • V572 T-Blow

      Or play the banjo.

      No wait, Sarah's "talent" in the beauty contest was playing…wait for it…the flute!

    • Tundra Grifter

      He definately taught her how to boogie.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      That's why Baptists are against sex standing up…it leads to dancing. With black people.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      That didn't work out so well, did it? The only dance she seems to have mastered is the horizontal samba.

  • MittsHairHelmet

    I am so jealous of Glen Rice.

    • AJWjr.

      NOT!
      I always wanted to say that here.

      • MittsHairHelmet

        are you serious? I would do unspeakable things to Sarah Palin if i got the chance.

        • yyyaz

          I would too. But none of them would have anything to do with sexytime activities.

        • SorosBot

          Oh god know; for one thing it would be impossible to get it up in front of that harpy.

          • Pristine_ODummy

            Hatefucking and grudgefucking can only take you so far.

          • MittsHairHelmet

            far enough

          • flamingpdog

            Sneak up from the back, like Marcus.

          • mourningnmerica

            (Rim shot).

          • tcaalaw

            Or job, as the case may be.

          • tessiee

            Let alone keep it up with her screeching, "Oh, yeah!" in that nails on a chalkboard voice.

        • Pristine_ODummy

          Just don't forget to have someone tie moose antlers to your behind so we can drag you out of her Black Hole, if needed.

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          I would have hit it back then. However, I was 18 and would have hit nearly anything, so I'm probably not an ideal endorsement.

        • PhilippePetain

          I'd share her around the crash pad.

        • Negropolis

          You disappoint me; you really just did.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Isn't another of his exes on VH1's Basketball Wives?

      I smell synergy, in the event. Sarah Palin's Alaska: Miami Beach cannot be far behind.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Tagline: No Bump-It, No Weave, No Extension will be safe when these ladies tangle.

  • Indiepalin

    Has the Chicago Tribune vetted this story for comic strip accuracy yet?

    *As mayor, she used every tool in kit *

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Also Newsday & the Atlanta Journal Constitution…

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Black Snake Moan, meet "oooooh, Barracuda!"

    • Pristine_ODummy

      It ain't gonna be the black snake that's moanin' here.

      • horsedreamer_1

        The trailer for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo features a cover (?) version of "Barracuda", which means, when I'm trying to focus on Rooney Mara, I'm stuck thinking about Sarah Palin. It's so annoying.

        • Pristine_ODummy

          The Swedish version was fantastic, which leaves me worried about what the American version will be like. Prettied up, I suspect. Have you seen it yet?

          • horsedreamer_1

            Not out 'til December 22nd. (They're billing it as "the feel bad movie of the season".) & it's Fincher directing, with soundtrack work from Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross, so I don't know how gussied up it will be, in comparison to the Swedish original (which was really good).

          • Pristine_ODummy

            We'll have to check back then.

            Maybe I should watch the entire Swedish trilogy, then go watch the American version.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Obviously she has proved her greatest skill is quitting by quitting "Once you go black, you never go back."

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      Who says she went back? Her kids suddenly look more urban.

    • flamingpdog

      Isn't Tawd native? Next best thing to urban.

      • Pristine_ODummy

        Half. His mother's a white woman, blonde and everything. Daddy was the native half. His mother can't STAND Sarah.

        Oh, yeah, Sarah refers to the natives of AK as "snow-n******," or so I've heard. So maybe she just couldn't tell the difference between Toad and Glen Rice.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Your anecote reminds me: I still laugh when I remember two message-board denizens referring (ironically) to Asian-Americans as "math-n******".

          • Pristine_ODummy

            Geez. As a person of multiethnic persuasion, I don't even know how to react to something like that.

          • PhilippePetain

            Sometimes laughing in disbelief does feel a little like sleeping with the enemy.

          • Pristine_ODummy

            To be a wordsmith who has no words …

          • horsedreamer_1

            It was the incongruity of a punk-rock playing graphic designer from Minnesota saying it, & an erstwhile dominatrix from Chicago giggling over it.

        • Negropolis

          I thought it was just a quarter?

          • Pristine_ODummy

            Wouldn't be the first time I was wrong about the "extent" of what we used to call "a touch of the tarbrush," back in the bad old days. Toad certainly does look "exotic," as certain people like to say.

          • Negropolis

            Some people say that, but to be honest, if no one would have told me he had any in him, I'd have never guessed. He looks like a regular ole blue-eyed white dude, to me. Not even something ethnic like southern Italian.

        • tessiee

          "His mother can't STAND Sarah."

          Neither can anyone else.

    • http://wonkette.com Ken Layne

      Sarah Palin goes "Back, and to the right. Back, and to the right."

  • HedonismBot

    Now THAT'S racial transcendance!

  • justkillmenow

    Doesn't she actually earn some points for this?

    Nah, still a dumb grifter.

  • MrsBiggTime

    Alternate headlines:
    1. Palin Makes Rice Balls
    2. White on Rice
    3. ???

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      "Do you have some Rice in you?"
      "What? No!"
      "Do you want to?"

    • OneDollarJuana

      "Love that Uncle Glen's Rice!"

    • chicken_thief

      Barracuda…… gets hooked? … swallows bait? … chokes on Rice? I don't know, it seems like it's right there, but ain't quite coming together.

      Eh! "Coming together" – like Lou Sarah and Glen Rice!!!

    • WhatTheHeck

      Long grain rice?

      • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

        Long grain Brown Rice

        • LesBontemps

          Wild Rice?

          • GregComlish

            What's with the Rice talk? Did Sarah also bang an Asian guy?

          • tessiee

            Since it was the 80s, did it also somehow involve Donna Rice?

    • smitallica

      Rice's 'Roni the Black Mandingo Treat.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Moros y Cristianos?

      • horsedreamer_1

        Mentiras! Yo soy cristiano viejo, dijo El Quijote.

    • BTWBFDIMHO

      Condon Lease a Rice?

    • Barrelhse

      Trigg's a Nigg

      • horsedreamer_1

        In Wisconsin, you can take a swig at Nigg's.

        It is a real bar. In Baraboo, maybe?

    • berkeleyfarm

      PROFIT!!!1!

    • mourningnmerica

      Someone needs to ask her: "How was the Fab 11?"

    • mourningnmerica

      So how big is Glen Rice's Johnson? It was enough to gag a maggot.

    • mourningnmerica

      The Great Alaska Shoot It.

    • mourningnmerica

      So Glen, did you enjoy your time in Wadzilla?

  • mereoblivion

    Sarah Palin . . . "steamy interracial hookup" . . . that picture of Liza Minnelli c. 1973 . . . somehow, something doesn't add up.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Cocaine is an hell of a drug.

      • mereoblivion

        Just ax Freud. And Sherlock Holmes.

  • HempDogbane

    I'm just gonna wait for the unauthorized Tim Pawlenty biography.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      The working title is Snngngggggggzzzzz….

  • PuckStopsHere

    Teabaggers will put up with a lot, (okay, that's not actually true) but banging a black guy ain't one of them.

    • L188188

      Is that why they hate Michelle Obama's vegetable garden too?

    • tessiee

      Or being a black guy, also neither.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Wait, this HAPPENED in the late 80's or she had sex with a black man in HIS late 80's????

    • ph7

      I think it means she banged Glenn Rice 80 times. Or 11 times, plus 69'd him once.

    • PubOption

      Who is the black equivalent of Hugh Hefner?

      • horsedreamer_1

        Sammy Davis, Jr.?

      • tessiee

        Iceberg Slim?

  • Slim_Pickins

    Family values in action.

  • baconzgood

    DOGGY STYLE LIBEL!!!!!

    • horsedreamer_1

      Sippin' on grift and moose… With my mind on my money, and my money on my mind.

  • Ducksworthy

    Well. At least this will finish her with her base. Goodby and good riddance.

    • AJWjr.

      No chance. They won't believe it, and will circle their wagons around her.

      • Pristine_ODummy

        I'm going over to C4P and see if the howls of outrage have begun yet.

        • 102415

          Just leave your muddy shoes outside til they are cleaned off or burned. Same with the gloves.

          • Pristine_ODummy

            Not a peep over on that site. The Houston Chronicle's comments section is *filled* with palpitating comments about how UNFAIR this is, tho. And, apparently, some comments so hideously racist that even the palpitators didn't care for them.

          • 102415

            Maybe they gave the commenter/sock puppet wrangler at C4P a vacation? The hours are grueling and the pace is lightening fast. Or maybe it's turkey grinding season?

      • Ducksworthy

        Yo may be right. Or they may find her even more titillating.

      • mourningnmerica

        You are mistaking a a circle jerk for support.

    • mourningnmerica

      Yeah, I mean what is more unforgivable than THAT?

    • tessiee

      "At least this will finish her with her base."

      *clasping hands hopefully under chin*
      Will it?
      Will it, really?
      Can it be that, after all this time, we've finally seen and heard the last of this stupid bitch?
      I for one would like to chip in a few bucks if we're pooling our money to buy a lovely gift for this Mr. Rice gentleman, whoever he may be.

  • SexySmurf

    I'm guessing Glen Rice's standards are even lower than Wilt Chamberlain's.

    • yyyaz

      What more proof would you need?

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Oh, like YOU would ever turn down free pussy.

    • Billmatic

      Hey some dudes is born seven foot tall and some dudes can just hit a three pointer.

  • baconzgood

    Tee-Hee

    "re-LOAD"

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Oh, that's why she said that!

    • horsedreamer_1

      Metallica Libel!!!

  • bureaucrap

    The thought of anyone even *wanting* to have sex with mooselini … inexplicable…

    • HelmutNewton

      Not really. She was a fresh 23 years old, and she hadn't pooped out any brats yet.

      • Geminisunmars

        I read that as "pooped out any brains yet." As if she'd had some.

    • flamingpdog

      Look at the picture at the top of the blog post. You wouldn't do that? Really? I mean, at least with her mouth duct-taped shut?

      • Pristine_ODummy

        There isn't a man on the planet who would turn down some nice, young poontang. No straight man, anyway. Not even most bi men.

      • OneDollarJuana

        I remember my college days, and there were several who looked like that. Never said no, except once, but she kept asking until I finally said yes. Shoulda stuck to my guns.

  • Weenus299

    Can the African American victim of this crime claim BLACK LIBEL?

    • poncho_pilot

      or get compensated a free bottle of Black Label.

    • tcaalaw

      Semen libel?

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Wonder if she tried Chef's salty balls.

    • jqheywood

      Is that like Shweady Balls?

      • 102415

        Not as good as a *salty pimp* from The Big Gay Ice Cream Truck.

  • Come here a minute

    And she didn't get pregnant? I can only credit Mr. Rice for that.

    • mourningnmerica

      Track's hair is kinda curly, now that you mention it…

  • Sue4466

    Well, she has been trying to fuck Barack Obama for about 3 years now.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      She's so desperate to get his attention that I have to believe this.

    • LettucePrey

      Aaaand…. we have a winner, folks! G'night!

    • Negropolis

      ZING!

  • WhatTheHeck

    Her “Family values” are still intact on account of the fact the penis was black.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I call BS!

    A steamy hookup – was this a sex-romp or some kind of plumbing project involving industrial boilers???

  • SorosBot

    Ugh god I do not want to think of Sarah having sex with anybody just the use of Palin and sex in the same sentence is a giant boner killer.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    I don't mind snarking on her or her grab-ass family at all. It's fun, and I enjoy it! But I couldn't care less who she gave some to.

    • V572 T-Blow

      Yes that would be the mature attitude. And in truth Sarah's never been one to scold others about sexytime behavior. Does she even know about teh Gheys?

      I await furious refutation in the comments…

      • KeepFnThatChicken

        Meh. So she slept with a brother. Once.

        I mean, if you want my interest in this story, they both need to be camp counselors, having sex repeatedly behind the curtain at the ampitheater right before assembly, and in the camp director's station wagon while it's parked outside the chow hall, and right behind the persimmon grove near the beach during mandatory sunrise devotionals.

        Other than that, it's a one-off. Meh.

        deit: and they scream "HAIL SATAN!" at climax.

      • 102415

        Begging to differ, she's with the abstinence crowd.

        • Negropolis

          So very sad that you missed the blatant snark.

          • 102415

            Win some lose some, who can explain it?,

  • MissusBarry

    Is this responsible for her hatred of non-whites? Perhaps he didn't call the next day.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Yaknow, Missus, you might have put your finger on something there. I've always wondered about her obvious dislike of Teh Cullud. I attributed it to her losing the beauty pageant to the sole black woman living in AK, but your scenario could make sense, too. Also.

      • Rotundo_

        Between the two incidents I am sure there is plenty of bottled up crazy leaking out to explain her. I didn't know about her second place finish to an african american young lady. That must have burned her redneck cookies but good. Add a "leaving at dawn before the sportsbimbo wakes up" exit from the gentleman and I imagine it might make her a bit spiteful. And I was thinking that her reason for sacking all those african american folks was raw unthinking racist thuggery. It's nice to know that there is a personal touch to her raw unthinking racist thuggery. It brings a smiling face to the jackbooted bitch.

        • ChessieNefercat

          "…I imagine it might make her a bit spiteful."

          Is there anything at all on this whole entire planet that doesn't "make her a bit spiteful"? She seems to be a spite-based life form.

          • tessiee

            "She seems to be a spite-based life form. "

            WIN!!

    • PhilippePetain

      Or self hatred for her republican winger-taboo desires getting the better of her. She probably doesn't even admit it to herself. just react react react until you're a shriveled up shrew, and that's that.

  • OneDollarJuana

    re: <alt-text>

    I think I smell something else.

    • Thurman Munster IV

      Fish camp?

    • elviouslyqueer

      The agony of de-feat?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Not even Dwayne Johnson could prepare a feast sumptuous enough to mask that odour.

    • Ducksworthy

      They call it the slime line.

    • mourningnmerica

      Loser?

  • itsjesuscriss

    It's a well known fact that the snows in Wasilla can completely cover a 55 gallon barrel. In fact, there are times when snowmo-hillbilling that I have stopped to make yellow and have fallen on my face only to realize that a 55 gallon drum had broken my fall and the only repercussions was a little snow up my nose. Thank god (pops) for 55 gallon drums and yellow snow.

  • baconzgood

    Look how close her room-mate's bed is to hers…..Do you think maybe she was having a little curious experimentation as well back then?…..Inquiring minds wanna know!

    • poncho_pilot

      Rob and Laura Petrie's beds were farther apart than these "roommates".

    • ThundercatHo

      They just wanted more room for "activities".

    • henrypuppyhead

      Beaver sniper.

    • horsedreamer_1

      You've been to CollegeRules, too, I see.

  • Sue4466

    I thought we solved all the hysteria over black/white sexy time with Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? Or at least Loving v. Virginia.

    Because the whole idea that a white woman had sex with a black guy is news, let alone a bombshell, is a sign that we never did leave the 1950s–so the Tea Baggers should be happy 'cause they still got their blissfully racist country.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      I would like some of what you're smoking!

      Seriously, just recall the hullabaloo when Barbara Walters admitted in her biography that she had sex with Edward Brook, a black Senator.

      • Sue4466

        Yea, that's exactly my point.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Actually, I don't recall ANY hullabaloo about that.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Hullabaloo is a generic mind-bleach.

          I mean, the though of lithpy Barbara Walters having sex. (At least it would have been soft-focus.)

          • GunToting[Redacted]

            Yeth! YETH!!! Oh God, YETTTTTTHHHHHH!!!!!

    • poncho_pilot

      you would like to think that as a country we've improved that much but sadly, no…

      • Sue4466

        If Katherine Hepburn, Spencer Tracy, and Sidney Poitier couldn't do it, no one can.

  • AlterNewt

    This is good news for Herman Cain.

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      I doubt he'll think so in the morning. Then the tweets will start: "America needs more Cain. Me 2. #XXX" And "U have 999, I want 69. #now". And the phone messages: "Hi. Um, I just wanted to run some campaign ideas by you. It's a little complicated. Gawd I hate these machines. Can we do this face to face? Your wife won't mind will she?" Eventually she'll be on teevee with crying while Gloria Allred says "Mr. Cain led my client to believe he had more than a physical interest in her and she acted accordingly. We want nothing less than a full public apology."

      • AlterNewt

        "Bitch is crazy".

      • Pristine_ODummy

        I like this story.

    • 102415

      Very good news indeed if not already! She loves pizza.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    No snark here, but look, a junior cub reporter in your first job and you start sleeping with players you're covering??? What a fucking asshole….

    • chicken_thief

      Just shows her commitment to her craft – the willingness to go to the mat, literally, for the story.

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      Careful about "cub reporters". I think that's literally a job in Alaska.

    • flamingpdog

      What eager and aggressive young cub reporter wouldn't do anything to get the "inside poop" on the subject of her article? Grizzly on man?

    • Nopantsmcgee

      "What a fucking asshole…. "

      That's what HE said!

  • metamarcisf

    After reading this story, I'm seriously considering giving up one of my favourite hobbies.

    • poncho_pilot

      fucking female reporters?

    • flamingpdog

      Reading?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Having a negative p-score?

      (Your decline — as it were — from three digits minus p has been precipitous. I imagine you hitting 0 in another week or so.)

    • 102415

      Farting in bed?

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      Masturbating?

    • tessiee

      "one of my favourite hobbies."

      Using the British spellings of words?

  • BornInATrailer

    Story needs DP or GTFO.

    • mookwrthwilson

      Call Rumeal Robinson and find out what he was up to…

    • mourningnmerica

      Haaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • tcaalaw

      I think that's a good rule to apply to any story involving any member of the Palin family.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Coulda been worse-she could have been cleaning rugs with Hillary.

  • DaRooster

    Hey! Who is masturbating to this?

    • GregComlish

      Not me. I'm still jacking it to yesterday's photo of Bachmann's Power Wendel

    • flamingpdog

      Sorry, I'm still being faithful to Benincasa, fool that I am.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Dammit, not now!

    • horsedreamer_1

      All of us, Katie?

    • Papa_Uniform

      Not me, I'm projectile vomiting.

    • henrypuppyhead

      I'm just saving DNA in case I need to clone myself.

  • chicken_thief

    Curt Menard is gonna be pissed when he hears this.

  • poncho_pilot

    The National Enquirer is owned by Roger Altman.

    "…an American investment banker, private equity investor and former United States Deputy Secretary of the Treasury who served under Bill Clinton."

    "Altman is listed as a member of the Steering Committee of The Bilderberg Group…"–wiikipedia.

    conspiracy! lol.

  • bigdupa

    "Which brand of schvanz do you prefer, Governor?"
    "All of them, Katie."

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Thanks. I threw up a bit in my mouth because I had to imagine Sarah Palin having sex with ANYONE. I can't get the sound of her screechy voice saying sexy-time words out of my head. ugh.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Ha ha…like 'dew it hodder, Tawd'

      • AJWjr.

        What's the dildo?

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      In my imagination, she is unable to speak during sex … as if a health insurance reform act or something is being rammed down her throat.

      • ChessieNefercat

        In my imagination, she is unable to speak during sex because she is busy biting the head off her hapless mate.

        • tessiee

          In my imagination, she is unable to speak during sex or any other time.

  • metamarcisf

    "You mahnd eff we dance wif yo dates?"

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    This probably isn't true since it's not:

    "Doctors Baffled by Sarah Palin Sexing a Black Guy"
    or
    "Sarah Palin Sexed Black Guy, say Shocked Scientists"

    • flamingpdog

      Sexing a space alien or GTFO!

    • mourningnmerica

      The title of the article was, after all, "SARAH PALIN: Quitter, A Spitter, and she Took It In The Shitter"

  • BarackMyWorld

    Meh….stupid story is stupid.

    Does Wonkette have a requisite Palin-post-per-day quota to meet?

    • AJWjr.

      Page views put hobo beans on the table.

    • LowProfileinGA

      Wonkette should be more like this:

      American Economic Review
      Vol. 101, No. 5, August 2011

      An Experimental Component Index for the CPI: From Annual Computer Data to Monthly Data on Other Goods
      Tim Erickson and Ariel Pakes

      Nah! More sexytime with Sarah Lou!

  • DaRooster

    "At the time, Sarah, just out of college, was working as a sports reporter for the Anchorage TV station KTUU."

    "… Glen Rice scored 28 points in the game… so I'm going to take him back to my shanty."

  • mavenmaven

    Perhaps she thought he was Clarence Thomas.

    • flamingpdog

      Did he buy her a hairy can o' Coke after the game?

      • horsedreamer_1

        I was going to say: wasn't '87 about the time CT was being a burr up Anita Hill's behind?

    • BornInATrailer

      Antler velvet covered concrete?

    • NewtsChicknNeck

      She would still likely confuse Glen Rice for Clarence Thomas.
      [Fill in the Punch-line]_______.

  • prommie

    Nailin' Pailin II: The Black Years

    • flamingpdog

      Nailing Pailin IIi: Getting the Shaft.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Shaft III was sub-titled 'Shaft in Africa', so clearly, Nailin' Palin III could be the same, as well.

  • DaSandman

    How could anyone bear to be close enough to her to bang her?

    • kissawookiee

      If you're hung enough, technically you wouldn't have to get *that* close.

      • DaSandman

        Play me coach, I'm hung like a king bull hamster!

  • DrunkenPalmetto

    Go strong to the hole Glen!

    • mourningnmerica

      Best.

  • BklynIlluminati

    Oh totally explains all the heads exploding everywhere!

  • Gorillionaire

    I kept trying to tell you people.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Oh, you certainly DID! (finally notices gorillionaire's av, slinks away shamefaced)

  • metamarcisf

    Maybe Palin will have some comment on this story when she's interviewed on the Emmy Red Carpet Sunday. "Sarah Palin's Alaska" is up for an award for best original episode, "Clubbing the Halibut"

  • Tundra Grifter

    And here we were thinking Donald Trump was the only conservative who got along well with the Blacks.

  • Indiepalin

    Today Palin is tweeting: "I'm finally ready to announce my candidacy!"

  • CapnFatback

    Hell, if she had waited a few years, "Nailin'" could have held out for the Fab Five.

  • flamingpdog

    Teatards get upset that Sarah had an urban bed partner? Teatards hate teh culluheds for the same reason they hate teh gheys – they know that in their genetic closet, they have both.

  • freddymcmurray

    Read the Enquirer article for another juicy tidbit. Cue the Clapton: duh duh duh duh… duh duh… COCAINE.

  • Boojum_Reborn

    Alt text: It appears that Mr. Rice also smelled her Pulitzer, for which he deserves at least a Purple Heart.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Well, that's spelled Phew-litzer. Accuracy, if you please.

      • Boojum_Reborn

        Actually, it is similar to the psy- in psychology.  Pu- is from Old Germanic, is pronounced Fyu, and means “Rotten Stench Monster.” 

        • Pristine_ODummy

          Upfist for "Rotten Stench Monster"!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    This is somehow “revenge” for all those times Todd Palin was going around bonking prostitutes

    Being married to Sarah Palin would drive stronger men the Todd into the rented embrace of a lady of negotiable virtue.

  • El Pinche

    I like that rugged pic of Sarah on the Enquirer page. Who does her make-up? Sherwin Williams?

  • horsedreamer_1

    After reading this, I want to Great Alaska Shoot (my eyes) Out.

  • Indiepalin

    Take it from me: Ya shouldn't do coke while driving a snowmobile.

  • prommie

    I wonder if this encounter was when she first came up with the slogan "Drill, Baby, Drill?"

  • El Pinche

    Wait, McGinniss saw this from next door? Did he borrow Morgan Freeman's wormhole?

    • horsedreamer_1

      No, but Sarah did.

      • jqheywood

        Padump, dump!

  • Guppy06

    Not possible. With the stated claims of fertility in the Palin clan, she'd have birthed mulatto triplets after that one hook-up, and that's with a condom.

  • AlaskaGrrl

    Well, there goes the southern vote. But there is an invitation from Clarance and Ginny Thomas for a three way.

  • meatlofer

    I would soooo,not hit that,now!

  • PubOption

    A knife, a fork, a bottle and a cork. That's how you spell Wasilla.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Needs more scissors, i.e. Sheryl Swoopes.

  • BobWonderPoodle

    I guess a triple-double is now redefined as two trips around the world.

  • owhatever

    Afterward, she washed the condom and hung it out on the line to dry before pressing it in her diary. Wasilla neighbors said, "Oh, my." That little rogue.

  • Limeylizzie

    In the late 80s? I wouldn't have been able to guarantee that I could remember who I sexed, let alone their race.

  • MadFlava76

    I have an overwhelming urge to listen to this song now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNbM781v7M0

  • subsum

    Sadly, she did go back.

  • chascates

    "On her first day of office, Sarah changed the screensaver on the mayor's official computer to read, 'GOD LOVES YOU, SARAH PALIN.'"
    — from The Rogue, by Joe McGinniss

  • SwanSwanH

    Muck Fichigan.

    • horsedreamer_1

      If not for Rumeal Robinson's uncanny free-throw ability, P.J. Carlesimo would be known for something besides being Latrell Sprewell's sub.

  • L188188

    Apparently Rice confirms this in Joe McGinness's new book – out September 20th!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Glen Rice was a monster on the court during his college career. That he banged this sniveling idiot lowers his estimation in my mind forever more.

  • GortRay

    Glen, the famous basketball player, slammed his throbbing orb into her quivering hoop, saying "bend over and spread 'em Sarah, here comes my dunk"

    • __kth__

      Actually as a baller, Rice was more of a pure shooter than the kind of guy who takes it hard to the hole.

      Phrased for maximal innuendo, but actually true: career 40% from "behind the arc".

    • mourningnmerica

      One from the charity stripe.

  • Barb

    Hey Sarah, does he dribble before he shoots? Inquiring minds want to know.

  • YouBetcha

    This is the single and only piece of information I've ever received about Sarah Palin that I find acceptable. Black dong = plus.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    I'm waiting for ManchuCandidate to write a poem using Mccain, Herman Cain, Cocaine, Insane.

  • MrsBiggTime

    I don't get it. I tried to edit Rice's Wikipedia page but was rebuffed – seems they think the National Enquirer isn't a reliable source.

  • NewtsChicknNeck

    also the post, the houston chronicle and miami herald are all re-reporting some version of it. my favorite thing? both the chronicle and the herald identify Rice as "ex-Rocket" or "Miami Heat's Glen Rice" which (at least in the Rox case) is like saying former LA Ram, Joe Namath. Go Rockets!!!

    Also, the comments are great at the chronicle. Lots of rightwing fundies.

  • El Pinche

    Katie Kouric: "Glen, did Sarah Palin fuck the shit out of you?"
    Glen: "Like white on rice. "

  • voodooeconomics

    What about them South Carolina and Mississippi voters. This will not go down very well in Dixie. Tea Party just went droopy…bye bye hard on.

  • rocktonsam

    this must be why she wanted to be called "Mommy Sarah."

  • 102415

    Oh please. She was drunk.

  • northernbassist

    Shouldn't every sexual encounter involving the Governot be described as a gagbang?

  • 102415

    http://www.themudflats.net/2011/09/12/from-the-cu

    "Two eyes for an eye."
    All we need to know.

  • henrypuppyhead

    "Wisconsin nymphomaniac" comes to mind.

  • wonderchud

    Does this mean that Sarah Palin will resign from FOX News and join the BBC team?

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    so…

  • Negropolis

    What a brave man, taking one for the team and all.

  • ttommyunger

    Helps explain the "Cunt as big as a Horse Collar" rumor.

    • tessiee

      Well, that and her eight or nine stupidly-named kids.

      • ttommyunger

        Yassum, them Palin gurlz sho like'm some dick, you betcha!

  • http://estevancarlos.com american__mutt

    Of course she did. Nuff said.

  • randomsausage

    It's twoo, it's twoo

  • tessiee

    Let us now all enjoy a schaedenfreude-tastic chuckle while we picture the shit hemorrhage Sarah must be having over this.

  • lulzmonger

    Shooting has already started on "Nailin' Pailin 3: Electric Boogaloo Revisited."

  • DesertTed

    I've never heard of a MudCuda before.

  • smoothmineral

    This gives "Drill baby drill!" a whole new meaning.