wasilla family values

National Enquirer Says Sarah Palin Sexed Black Guy (Hint: Not Todd Palin)

We smell a Pulitzer!WOAH HO HO! America’s newspaper of record The National Enquirer has a DEF-CON 4 WORLD EXCLUSIVE scoop: Sarah Palin had sex with a black guy, once, in the late 80s, right before she got married! THE CRAZY PART: Todd Palin, he is not black! Sarah Palin had sex with someone who is not Todd Palin! Todd Palin, he is also not Glen Rice, the famous NBA basketball star who says he had sex with Sarah Palin in 1987. Todd Palin, no one wants to have sex with him! Why wasn’t Todd Palin black enough for Sarah, in 1987? Reagan was president in 1987. This is Reagan’s fault, this entire story, this entire post, just like Reagan is to blame for everything that is unholy and decrepit and crumbling in America, starting with everything we have ever read about Sarah Palin and eventually ending there, too.

UGH. Seriously, stop reading. Stop reading this. STOP. STOP NOW, SAVE YOURSELVES, TURN OFF THE INTERNET:

Publishing sources familiar with the contents of author Joe McGinniss’ highly-anticipated book “The Rogue: Searching for the Real Sarah Palin” have revealed shocking secrets that will impact her decision to enter the 2012 presidential race.

In the book, which will be published on September 20th, McGinniss claims Sarah had a steamy interracial hookup with basketball stud GLEN RICE less than a year before she eloped with her husband Todd.

Sarah hooked up with the NBA great, then a 6-foot-8 junior at the University of Michigan when he was playing in a college basketball tournament in Alaska in 1987, the book says. At the time, Sarah, just out of college, was working as a sports reporter for the Anchorage TV station KTUU.

This is somehow “revenge” for all those times Todd Palin was going around bonking prostitutes after they were married. That’s how good Sarah Palin is at revenge. PREEMPTIVE STRIKES, THEY DO NOT FAIL. [National Enquirer]
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      1. Tundra Grifter

        True story. I saw this movie in a theatre on San Francisco's Market Street. The audience was, well, not racially balanced.

        WARNING: Plot Spoiler.

        At the end, when Ken Norton is held down in a vat of boiling water with a pitchfork by a white guy, most of the people watching the movie began to boo and otherwise object.

        I left before the lights came on.

        1. Pristine_ODummy

          I remember reading this book when I was a mere sprog. (Our parents kept us well supplied with reading material, but they exercised very little control over *what* we read, and thought nothing of giving us The Rise and Fall of The Third Reich to read at age 7 or 8.)

          It was horrifying. I can't believe someone made a film out of that awful tripe.

          1. Tundra Grifter

            I read em all – Falconhurst, Falconhurst Fancy, Bride of Falconhurst (ok, I'm not so sure about that one!) – etc. As I remember, the first ones were written by a pair of authors, and then one of them took off and wrote some more on his own.

            Slave breeding farm, covering wenches – unique series.

    1. mourningnmerica

      This just in: The Palin camp has selected their campaign song. "It's Over" by Roy Orbison.

      It reminds me of the old saying: "Once you go black, you can't get any Tea Party votes."

      Lucky there are no black people in Alaska, or she would've gobbled more dark meat than Lisa Lampinelli on holiday in Zimbabwe.

    1. Pristine_ODummy

      That didn't work out so well, did it? The only dance she seems to have mastered is the horizontal samba.

        1. Pristine_ODummy

          Just don't forget to have someone tie moose antlers to your behind so we can drag you out of her Black Hole, if needed.

        2. GunToting[Redacted]

          I would have hit it back then. However, I was 18 and would have hit nearly anything, so I'm probably not an ideal endorsement.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Isn't another of his exes on VH1's Basketball Wives?

      I smell synergy, in the event. Sarah Palin's Alaska: Miami Beach cannot be far behind.

  1. Indiepalin

    Has the Chicago Tribune vetted this story for comic strip accuracy yet?

    *As mayor, she used every tool in kit *

      1. horsedreamer_1

        The trailer for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo features a cover (?) version of "Barracuda", which means, when I'm trying to focus on Rooney Mara, I'm stuck thinking about Sarah Palin. It's so annoying.

        1. Pristine_ODummy

          The Swedish version was fantastic, which leaves me worried about what the American version will be like. Prettied up, I suspect. Have you seen it yet?

          1. horsedreamer_1

            Not out 'til December 22nd. (They're billing it as "the feel bad movie of the season".) & it's Fincher directing, with soundtrack work from Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross, so I don't know how gussied up it will be, in comparison to the Swedish original (which was really good).

          2. Pristine_ODummy

            We'll have to check back then.

            Maybe I should watch the entire Swedish trilogy, then go watch the American version.

      1. Pristine_ODummy

        Half. His mother's a white woman, blonde and everything. Daddy was the native half. His mother can't STAND Sarah.

        Oh, yeah, Sarah refers to the natives of AK as "snow-n******," or so I've heard. So maybe she just couldn't tell the difference between Toad and Glen Rice.

        1. horsedreamer_1

          Your anecote reminds me: I still laugh when I remember two message-board denizens referring (ironically) to Asian-Americans as "math-n******".

          1. Pristine_ODummy

            Geez. As a person of multiethnic persuasion, I don't even know how to react to something like that.

          2. horsedreamer_1

            It was the incongruity of a punk-rock playing graphic designer from Minnesota saying it, & an erstwhile dominatrix from Chicago giggling over it.

          1. Pristine_ODummy

            Wouldn't be the first time I was wrong about the "extent" of what we used to call "a touch of the tarbrush," back in the bad old days. Toad certainly does look "exotic," as certain people like to say.

          2. Negropolis

            Some people say that, but to be honest, if no one would have told me he had any in him, I'd have never guessed. He looks like a regular ole blue-eyed white dude, to me. Not even something ethnic like southern Italian.

    1. chicken_thief

      Barracuda…… gets hooked? … swallows bait? … chokes on Rice? I don't know, it seems like it's right there, but ain't quite coming together.

      Eh! "Coming together" – like Lou Sarah and Glen Rice!!!

  2. mereoblivion

    Sarah Palin . . . "steamy interracial hookup" . . . that picture of Liza Minnelli c. 1973 . . . somehow, something doesn't add up.

  3. PuckStopsHere

    Teabaggers will put up with a lot, (okay, that's not actually true) but banging a black guy ain't one of them.

          1. Pristine_ODummy

            Not a peep over on that site. The Houston Chronicle's comments section is *filled* with palpitating comments about how UNFAIR this is, tho. And, apparently, some comments so hideously racist that even the palpitators didn't care for them.

          2. 102415

            Maybe they gave the commenter/sock puppet wrangler at C4P a vacation? The hours are grueling and the pace is lightening fast. Or maybe it's turkey grinding season?

    1. tessiee

      "At least this will finish her with her base."

      *clasping hands hopefully under chin*
      Will it?
      Will it, really?
      Can it be that, after all this time, we've finally seen and heard the last of this stupid bitch?
      I for one would like to chip in a few bucks if we're pooling our money to buy a lovely gift for this Mr. Rice gentleman, whoever he may be.

    1. flamingpdog

      Look at the picture at the top of the blog post. You wouldn't do that? Really? I mean, at least with her mouth duct-taped shut?

      1. Pristine_ODummy

        There isn't a man on the planet who would turn down some nice, young poontang. No straight man, anyway. Not even most bi men.

      2. OneDollarJuana

        I remember my college days, and there were several who looked like that. Never said no, except once, but she kept asking until I finally said yes. Shoulda stuck to my guns.

  4. SorosBot

    Ugh god I do not want to think of Sarah having sex with anybody just the use of Palin and sex in the same sentence is a giant boner killer.

  5. KeepFnThatChicken

    I don't mind snarking on her or her grab-ass family at all. It's fun, and I enjoy it! But I couldn't care less who she gave some to.

    1. V572 T-Blow

      Yes that would be the mature attitude. And in truth Sarah's never been one to scold others about sexytime behavior. Does she even know about teh Gheys?

      I await furious refutation in the comments…

      1. KeepFnThatChicken

        Meh. So she slept with a brother. Once.

        I mean, if you want my interest in this story, they both need to be camp counselors, having sex repeatedly behind the curtain at the ampitheater right before assembly, and in the camp director's station wagon while it's parked outside the chow hall, and right behind the persimmon grove near the beach during mandatory sunrise devotionals.

        Other than that, it's a one-off. Meh.

        deit: and they scream "HAIL SATAN!" at climax.

    1. Pristine_ODummy

      Yaknow, Missus, you might have put your finger on something there. I've always wondered about her obvious dislike of Teh Cullud. I attributed it to her losing the beauty pageant to the sole black woman living in AK, but your scenario could make sense, too. Also.

      1. Rotundo_

        Between the two incidents I am sure there is plenty of bottled up crazy leaking out to explain her. I didn't know about her second place finish to an african american young lady. That must have burned her redneck cookies but good. Add a "leaving at dawn before the sportsbimbo wakes up" exit from the gentleman and I imagine it might make her a bit spiteful. And I was thinking that her reason for sacking all those african american folks was raw unthinking racist thuggery. It's nice to know that there is a personal touch to her raw unthinking racist thuggery. It brings a smiling face to the jackbooted bitch.

        1. ChessieNefercat

          "…I imagine it might make her a bit spiteful."

          Is there anything at all on this whole entire planet that doesn't "make her a bit spiteful"? She seems to be a spite-based life form.

    2. PhilippePetain

      Or self hatred for her republican winger-taboo desires getting the better of her. She probably doesn't even admit it to herself. just react react react until you're a shriveled up shrew, and that's that.

  6. itsjesuscriss

    It's a well known fact that the snows in Wasilla can completely cover a 55 gallon barrel. In fact, there are times when snowmo-hillbilling that I have stopped to make yellow and have fallen on my face only to realize that a 55 gallon drum had broken my fall and the only repercussions was a little snow up my nose. Thank god (pops) for 55 gallon drums and yellow snow.

  7. baconzgood

    Look how close her room-mate's bed is to hers…..Do you think maybe she was having a little curious experimentation as well back then?…..Inquiring minds wanna know!

  8. Sue4466

    I thought we solved all the hysteria over black/white sexy time with Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? Or at least Loving v. Virginia.

    Because the whole idea that a white woman had sex with a black guy is news, let alone a bombshell, is a sign that we never did leave the 1950s–so the Tea Baggers should be happy 'cause they still got their blissfully racist country.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      I would like some of what you're smoking!

      Seriously, just recall the hullabaloo when Barbara Walters admitted in her biography that she had sex with Edward Brook, a black Senator.

        1. horsedreamer_1

          Hullabaloo is a generic mind-bleach.

          I mean, the though of lithpy Barbara Walters having sex. (At least it would have been soft-focus.)

    1. JustPixelz

      I doubt he'll think so in the morning. Then the tweets will start: "America needs more Cain. Me 2. #XXX" And "U have 999, I want 69. #now". And the phone messages: "Hi. Um, I just wanted to run some campaign ideas by you. It's a little complicated. Gawd I hate these machines. Can we do this face to face? Your wife won't mind will she?" Eventually she'll be on teevee with crying while Gloria Allred says "Mr. Cain led my client to believe he had more than a physical interest in her and she acted accordingly. We want nothing less than a full public apology."

    1. flamingpdog

      What eager and aggressive young cub reporter wouldn't do anything to get the "inside poop" on the subject of her article? Grizzly on man?

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Having a negative p-score?

      (Your decline — as it were — from three digits minus p has been precipitous. I imagine you hitting 0 in another week or so.)

  9. poncho_pilot

    The National Enquirer is owned by Roger Altman.

    "…an American investment banker, private equity investor and former United States Deputy Secretary of the Treasury who served under Bill Clinton."

    "Altman is listed as a member of the Steering Committee of The Bilderberg Group…"–wiikipedia.

    conspiracy! lol.

  10. Maman

    Thanks. I threw up a bit in my mouth because I had to imagine Sarah Palin having sex with ANYONE. I can't get the sound of her screechy voice saying sexy-time words out of my head. ugh.

      1. ChessieNefercat

        In my imagination, she is unable to speak during sex because she is busy biting the head off her hapless mate.

    1. mourningnmerica

      The title of the article was, after all, "SARAH PALIN: Quitter, A Spitter, and she Took It In The Shitter"

    1. LowProfileinGA

      Wonkette should be more like this:

      American Economic Review
      Vol. 101, No. 5, August 2011

      An Experimental Component Index for the CPI: From Annual Computer Data to Monthly Data on Other Goods
      Tim Erickson and Ariel Pakes

      Nah! More sexytime with Sarah Lou!

  11. DaRooster

    "At the time, Sarah, just out of college, was working as a sports reporter for the Anchorage TV station KTUU."

    "… Glen Rice scored 28 points in the game… so I'm going to take him back to my shanty."

  12. metamarcisf

    Maybe Palin will have some comment on this story when she's interviewed on the Emmy Red Carpet Sunday. "Sarah Palin's Alaska" is up for an award for best original episode, "Clubbing the Halibut"

  13. flamingpdog

    Teatards get upset that Sarah had an urban bed partner? Teatards hate teh culluheds for the same reason they hate teh gheys – they know that in their genetic closet, they have both.

  14. freddymcmurray

    Read the Enquirer article for another juicy tidbit. Cue the Clapton: duh duh duh duh… duh duh… COCAINE.

  15. Boojum_Reborn

    Alt text: It appears that Mr. Rice also smelled her Pulitzer, for which he deserves at least a Purple Heart.

      1. Boojum_Reborn

        Actually, it is similar to the psy- in psychology.  Pu- is from Old Germanic, is pronounced Fyu, and means “Rotten Stench Monster.” 

  16. donner_froh

    This is somehow “revenge” for all those times Todd Palin was going around bonking prostitutes

    Being married to Sarah Palin would drive stronger men the Todd into the rented embrace of a lady of negotiable virtue.

  17. Guppy06

    Not possible. With the stated claims of fertility in the Palin clan, she'd have birthed mulatto triplets after that one hook-up, and that's with a condom.

  18. AlaskaGrrl

    Well, there goes the southern vote. But there is an invitation from Clarance and Ginny Thomas for a three way.

  19. owhatever

    Afterward, she washed the condom and hung it out on the line to dry before pressing it in her diary. Wasilla neighbors said, "Oh, my." That little rogue.

  20. Limeylizzie

    In the late 80s? I wouldn't have been able to guarantee that I could remember who I sexed, let alone their race.

  21. chascates

    "On her first day of office, Sarah changed the screensaver on the mayor's official computer to read, 'GOD LOVES YOU, SARAH PALIN.'"
    — from The Rogue, by Joe McGinniss

    1. horsedreamer_1

      If not for Rumeal Robinson's uncanny free-throw ability, P.J. Carlesimo would be known for something besides being Latrell Sprewell's sub.

  22. mrblifil

    Glen Rice was a monster on the court during his college career. That he banged this sniveling idiot lowers his estimation in my mind forever more.

  23. GortRay

    Glen, the famous basketball player, slammed his throbbing orb into her quivering hoop, saying "bend over and spread 'em Sarah, here comes my dunk"

    1. __kth__

      Actually as a baller, Rice was more of a pure shooter than the kind of guy who takes it hard to the hole.

      Phrased for maximal innuendo, but actually true: career 40% from "behind the arc".

  24. YouBetcha

    This is the single and only piece of information I've ever received about Sarah Palin that I find acceptable. Black dong = plus.

  25. MrsBiggTime

    I don't get it. I tried to edit Rice's Wikipedia page but was rebuffed – seems they think the National Enquirer isn't a reliable source.

  26. NewtsChicknNeck

    also the post, the houston chronicle and miami herald are all re-reporting some version of it. my favorite thing? both the chronicle and the herald identify Rice as "ex-Rocket" or "Miami Heat's Glen Rice" which (at least in the Rox case) is like saying former LA Ram, Joe Namath. Go Rockets!!!

    Also, the comments are great at the chronicle. Lots of rightwing fundies.

  27. voodooeconomics

    What about them South Carolina and Mississippi voters. This will not go down very well in Dixie. Tea Party just went droopy…bye bye hard on.

  28. tessiee

    Let us now all enjoy a schaedenfreude-tastic chuckle while we picture the shit hemorrhage Sarah must be having over this.

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