Let’s see, climate change is a horrific ongoing disaster and it’s caused by human-made machinery farting out fossil fuel smoke and anusburger cows farting out actual cow farts, and your grandchildren will be Diabetic Sea Monkeys living deep beneath the glowing nuclear sea of the Great Gulf Lake of Mississippi-Canada, if they survive the Eugenics Wars of 2027, which they won’t. What might make the hard-core Koch-funded global warming denial army suddenly start taking something seriously when not even the landslide election of a Democrat president with full control of the House and Senate could do anything about Climate Change, in this dumb country? OH WE KNOW, get Al Gore to release a bunch of juvenile YouTube clips. Because Al Gore certainly isn’t polarizing at all, and we can only assume that Fox News will just turn over its programming for the next couple of days to whatever “Current TV” is putting through its web stream.
Oh, also: You liberals are supposed to “turn over your Facebook and Twitter accounts” to Al Gore’s climate change organization, so they can make your Facebook and Twitter feeds into a parody of the worst, most shrill “social media” scold you’ve had to repeatedly block on Facebook and Twitter. (You know, your brother-in-law who did “neighborhood canvassing” for Greenpeace once, in 2006, and continues to lecture everyone he knows despite the fact that he now works as an oil rig maintenance contractor in Midland, Texas.)
Well, this should take care of those pesky skeptics!
And if that somehow didn’t convert hostile Tea Party people into hemp grocery bags, they probably just need to watch this Al Gore-branded YouTube promotional clip showing a mannequin’s handful of feces thrown at an electric fan, GEDDIT?
The way things are going in this country, we’ll be lucky if seatbelts and fire departments survive the 2012 elections. Not a single sociopathic white 60-year-old on a personal mobility scooter is going to be “convinced of climate reality” by anything, and that includes when all the sociopathic 60-year-old white people are swept out to sea by a hurricane (in Iowa) and eaten by crabs. [The Atlantic/Time]
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Things are going to get a lot worse before they don't get better.
Global warming will never become so bad that we could actually start to warm up to Rick Perry.
Rick Perry, like spaghetti, is only straight until you heat him up.
I'm going to beat this. I'm already drinking my urine, got a rubbery dingy and my fish leather armor will make me invisible.
I had a rubbery dingy once, but they have pills for that now.
Are you *sure* that's urine you're drinking? Because, you know, not to be difficult, or anything, but an awful lot of, um, consciousness-altering substances have a similar colour and, as the yuppie foodies would have it, mouthfeel.
OK, maybe not if it's warm. Jes sayin'.
??? Fish leather armor??? WTF?
Nice to see the National's racing presidents have side jobs.
I wish I had my own channel. I would have lots of stories and movies about Cats and Dinosaurs.
Don't forget the "birds and shit"…
(nice pix BTW- thank you)
PROFIT!!!
Funny that the climate change deniers believe earth was made in 7 days, Mary was a virgin mother, yada yada yada, but refuse to believe extreme weather phenomena facts occurring right in front of their fat faces. Good luck, Al! Glad you have something to occupy you now that Tipper has split.
Nothing kills off humanity faster than human stupidity
With the possible exception of human intelligence. We're not the fittest and we're supposed to self-destruct.
The earth was once a virgin until humans slithered ashore to rape it.
Gore should go back to working on the capture of manbearpig. It's super-serial.
At least he didn't commit the sin of using paper clips.
Just look on the bright side, once water and arable land become scarce commodities,starving nations go to war with each other for the remaining resources, and society breaks down leading to a new dark age, our surviving descendants will lose all knowledge of how to use fossil fuels in these mysterious derelict machines that crowd the landscape and so will be unable to continue belching carbon dioxide out into the atmosphere, causing climate change to gradually come to a halt.
You always were a "glass half full" guy…
Tonight I'm gonna party like it's 476 AD; or maybe even 65,000,000 BC.
So "The Dark Tower" series is a history book?
It seems that's where this thing we call civilization is heading, yes.
Walter Miller's "A Canticle for Liebowitz"
Exactly!
Global Warming? But it's cold here right now… sounds like a buncha crap to me.
I have no snark. It's "game over" for climate. We can put a man on the moon, we just can't keep people on earth.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/Bon1042/stat...
And I thought that Pokey sodomizing Gumby was the worst claymation ever.
The Fat Lady sings. And then Tipper puts a sticker on her album.
I wouldn't be surprised if, post-divorce, Tipper does a Reverse-Arianna & goes Right.
In 2012, Mary Aitcheson (formerly Gore) will primary Bob Corker for having dared to reach across the aisle, that one time, & win election to the U.S. Senate.
Are you literally suggesting that it's Al Gore's fault that he isn't able to connect with the tea party? Even if God himself devised Al Gore's messaging, that still wouldn't change tea party perspective. These credulous idiots literally believe that science is just a hoax perpetrated by government employees so they can get rich off of research grants. They will believe whatever bullshit the Kochs say and there's nothing Al Gore can do to fix that.
True that. Many upfists to you.
No, it's not Al Gore's *fault,* but the guy is a *punchline* to the Rush Limbaugh/James Inhofe disciples. If you are serious about reaching that audience, you get some secret liberal like Garth Brooks to make patriotic songs to go along with videos of American flags washed out to sea by the constant hurricanes.
Garth Brooks is a secret liberal??!!
(He's my favorite guilty pleasure.)
Yes, Al Gore is a punchline to Inhofe. Like when Inhofe made an Igloo with Gore's name on it because it snowed in January. In fact, the criticisms of Al Gore have little to do with any real personality defects and everything to do with the derisive lens of conservative media. And predictably that lens will be as equally vicious to an ecologically-minded Garth Brooks as it was to Al Gore. See also: The Dixie Chicks.
So while I would support Garth Brooks writing that song, I also recognize that the tea party demographic is going to be the least fertile soil for any message about global warming and efforts to communicate the dangers should be much more broad. In any case, it would be both extremely disruptive and pointless to subject Al Gore's actions to a tea party litmus test.
Ah yes, the democratic party, the liberal party, should go back to the kind of charismatic, inspiring leaders we had in my youth, people like McGovern, Carter, Mondale and Dukakis! Even now, we have such imposing figures just waiting in the wings. Look at Dennis Kucinich. Its sad, isn't it? Gore is just one of the most recent in a continuous succession of embarrassing dweebs.
Garth Brooks, not exactly my cup of tea, but it'd be interesting to see the reaction if he came out big and strong against global warming. I'm assuming he's richer than God, so he could afford to lose, oh, 100% of his fan base and still live like a king for several lifetimes, and with the clear conscience of a man who tried to do good.
As for these cute little videos, those aren't made to convert the hard-core deniers. They're an attempt to wake up the don't-carers. Mostly to try to get the attention of the kiddies.
Now that I think about it — and I don't think about Nashville pop very often! — I was probably seeing "Toby Keith" in my mind when typing "Garth Brooks." Wasn't Toby Keith the redneck 9/11 flag waver who turned into a liberal? But not *that* much of a liberal, so he still has wingnuts who buy his 8-tracks?
Hell if I know. All those white boys look alike to me.
He claims he's been a registered Democrat his whole voting life, but, then, so does Chris Matthews.
Having lived without air conditioning in the sub tropics for nearly a month post hurricane, I can honestly say global warming is going to be good for Gin sales.
Sometimes I think Progressives need their own Frank Luntz (as odious as he is) so they can learn how better to frame their arguments. Instead of utilizing a hectoring, I-know-better-than-you tone.
What? You mean Teatards don't read 200-pages of PDFed explanation of why guns in the house are bad, carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide and sulfur dioxide are poisonous, and that Jesus actually was a democrat?
I'm all for a Luntz-type to come over to the bright side and tell people how to frame an argument with a hammer.
Damn straight! Like "Why do Republicans want to kill senior citizens?" or "Republicans are killing senior citizens!"
His name is George Lakoff:
http://www.cognitivepolicyworks.com/resource-cent...
But it never really got off the ground.
Not enough money to be made in progressive ideals . . . which mean big companies are less likely to donate money. Or hire you to position them.
What about David Brock (the ex-straight hatchet-man for the American Spectator turned founder of Media Matters)?
(Full disclosure: I trust Brock to be a legitimate steward of the Left even less than I trust Arianna Huffington.)
And then there is the power of science (why, yes it is a .pdf of journal article)
Opening the Political Mind? The effects of self-affirmation and graphical information on factual misperceptions
http://www.dartmouth.edu/~nyhan/opening-political...
Will reading this paper change my preconceived notion that Americans are gullible idiots with the critical reasoning skills of a horsefly and the attention span of a goldfish?
FINE!
I'll do it. Get the DNC on the phone. It's time to win.
Please hurry and end the world, I have been waiting so long for visitors, the last one that made it here was Carl Sagan, and boy was he surprised.
Quit worrying. The world isn't going to end, at least until the sun goes red dwarf, swells up, and swallows it whole. And don't worry about life disappearing within the next few billion years. Shoot, there's bacteria living in groundwater in the bottom of the deepest mine in the world, more than three miles down, thriving in what is essentially boiling acid. It's only silly humans that are truly going to suffer (and maybe a few pesky mammals and fishies).
Who cares? Look at all the smoking, overeating, drunk-driving, anti-healthcare suicidal types out there. With global warming (or the coming ice age, for that matter) at least we ALL die, not just the sinners. BTW, after spending two cold and rainy weeks in northern Spain in July, I, for one, would welcome a little global warning.
Now the 2027 Eugenics War, that's a new thing to worry about.
Stop fucking being realistic, because I'm still trying to delude myself into not thinking it's going to happen, no matter how many Wreck Parrys arrive on the scene.
Surviving to old age isn't what matters, its pumping out children while you're young that defines Darwinian success, and the fat, stupid bornagain fucktards have them in litters. They will bury us, to quote Kruschev.
No kids here… Well, looks like it's suicide for me again!
Hold up, there, I'm goin' witcha.
Socialism!
The upside of Global Warming is that everyone in Arizona will get skin cancer and everyone in Florida and South Carolina will drown.
Except me.
Nobody can cheer me up like Ken Layne!
~
Yeah, I hear ya. I am laughing on the inside, though. Haha!
Re: "hurricane (in Iowa)", the Iowans prefer to call them Cyclones.
I knew a Mormon anchor-baby — her lineage descended from a stay in Mexico, debe a la poligamia — who was a huge Iowa State fan. If only she hadn't been Mormon…
2012 really will be the end of the world. Or the end of a less fucking insane one.
Something from the reclaimdemocracy.org intro to the Powell Memo that Ken linked to last month stands out for me:
Keep on w/ yer snark; I have none.
Hmmm. Ann Coulter looks a little heavy in the video, but at least she's not blowing smoke up anyone's ass. Now if we could just get the muffler off the helmet and back on her mouth…
We made a decision to turn our will and our lives and our facebook over to the care of Gore as we understood Him.
3rd step already? You're cheating!
No way, dude! I've been meditating on the distinction between steps 2 and 3 for a couple months now, and I'm nowhere near ready to take on step 4, so I'll park here for a while. And I just got a sponsor — he'll let me know when I'm ready to move on.
PS they love the desserts that my wife makes for me to take to meetings, so they're in no hurry to see me leave. If anything, they'll have me linger at each step slightly longer than I feel is necessary.
We'll be lucky if the Emancipation Proclamation survives the 2012 election.
"if they survive the Eugenics Wars of 2027, which they won’t."
This assures the solvency of Social Security for the foreseeable future.
Rick Perry says scientists slant their research to match the expectations of the sponsor. That's arguably true when the sponsor has a vested interest in the results — like the industry research on cigarettes. But if he thinks all the university and independent scientists throughout the world are basically lying to get grant money, well … I'm offended.
Dick Cheney said if a terrorist threat has a 1% or greater chance of succeeding, we should treat it as a certainty. In the same way, if global warming has that 1% chance of being correct, we should act as if its a certainty. Especially since climate change can kill millions through famine, disease, social disruption.
Not only that there is demonstrably more money to be made finding global warming to be a myth or due to causes other than man.
It's just numbers: 2% of the rich employ 10% of the supergreedy to convince 95% of the 50% with IQs under 100, and, well, there you have it….WIN! It's just tougher to rule….
And tough to caste a vote.
I wonder if Jesus, astride his massive Brontosaurus and gazing out over the Earth some 6,000 years ago, ever saw this shit coming.
Peter! i can see
your houseclimate change from here!Before jumping to any hasty conclusions, exactly what are the selection criteria for the Eugenics Wars of 2027? If it involves hover rounds, moon pies, and fried squirrel, it may need a second look.
If that's what Al Gore sees as "24 Hours of Reality," his drugs are way better than mine.
Hmm. There's gotta be a less Rube Goldbergian way to deliver "denial."
Why is Wilford Brimley on the stump? Is he running for office, or is he shilling some new colon blow cereal from Quaker Oats?
God, the new, updated H. R. Pufnstuf is dark.
When the fat lady sings and gets clobbered on the head, the audience at one of those teabagger debates would go nuts. Executions: Mad applause. 30 yo w/out insurance dies: Fuck yeah. Impending Doom from Global Climate Change: Utter pandemonium.
It's true that Al Gore has a lot to answer for. But that's mainly for the gift of Joe Lieberman.
Ferraro. Quayle. Kemp. Liebermann. Edwards. Palin.
The losing VP noms since '84 seem to be demonstrating a return to the "warm spittoon" tradition of the vice-presidency.
(Bentsen's not included, as an outlier.)
Eaten by crabs is a nice touch. I will add that to my fantasy revenge armamentarium. Thanks Ken.
Still, it will be worth it to see the scooter-riding Teatards swept out to sea. And, yes, crabs are the main scavengers, so quite plausible. That will be much more fun than the war and pestilence.
Finger-wagging and sententiousness. Always very persuasive, Al.
Al: Thanks for playing, pal. Now take the money, shut the hell up, go away and stay there.
He never promised us convenience.
You speak the truth there.
I'm all for Gore hogging the news. It puts him back in the spotlight just when former Gore supporter Rick Perry is trying to pretend Gore never existed. I mean, with that kind of background, what do we really *know* about Rick Perry? He could be Democrats' Manchurian Candidate, you know, the usurper. I mean, he seems kind of Kenyan to me.
what i forgot now, was the Eugenics Wars of 2027 before or after the great chinese moon war?
history is hard.
Look, part of the philosophy of personal responsibility is that when we destroy the earth, we all die.
(everybody cheers)
Aaaaaand this is why I ain't having kids. The teafeces will drown this nation in their effluvia while we all cook and drown. Hey repubicles, hope your kids enjoy drinking shitwater, cuz that's what you're leaving 'em! America fuck yeah goldurnit yeehaw jeebus nigras in mah whaht house!
…and with investigations of Solyndra set to consume the House for the next 14 months, groundbreaking on the giant tar sands pipeline, and impending teatard electoral landslide, the fat lady has sung. So long Earth, thanks for the ride.
He's right. The denial is over. For me. What was I thinking, using science and reasoning? I'm going to stop trying to convince anyone and just be honest about what's happening. Hey, bummer about those fires back home, I thought extra CO2 in the atmosphere would extinguish flames, rather than cause hot, dry and windy conditions year after year. What's really happening to the atmosphere? You don't want to know. Really, we should admire the teatards' optimism. Wouldn't it be great if this was just all cyclical and any year now it's going to go right back to normal? That would be so awesome. Dare to dream, li'l teatard, dare to dream.
I guess it would be too lame to ask a teatard to look out the window…
Aren't you just precious? What, with thinking that you can convert Tea Party people into anything other than heating oil.
The only thing I hate about climate change is that perenially moved-from Michigan where I live, will be inundated with climate refugees. Build the damned fence, Snyder! Fuck keeping out the Asian carp; I'll be damned if we let the 'Zonies or Texans in. They can burn in their living hells for all I care. Maybe, out Michigan Militia will actually be useful for something for once in its existence.
James Nichols, your time has come!
Build Joe Acrapaho type camps and put the teabag refugees in em!
So you're saying the earth is like a sick man without health insurance?
LET IT DIE!!!!!
Al, if you're going to try to reach the TeaTards, you're going to have to make the message a lot more simple than a fat lady singing and the earth crashing on her head. These motherfuckers are DUMB. I mean sack of doorknobs Dumb. Box of rocks Dumb. In fact, I wouldn't even bother, Al, they are a lost cause.
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