Welcome to the seventh dimension, humans: even Satan’s pet horned toad Rush Limbaugh thinks Michele Bachmann’s ludicrous claim that the Gardasil HPV vaccine causes girls to “suffer mental retardation” is off-the-reservation insane.
Rush Limbaugh told his cult army of brainless followers that Michele Bachmann “jumped the shark” on the vaccination thing, whatever the hell that means, but we thought this special instance of the batshit Insane calling another portion of the Insane even more radically Insane than usual contrasted nicely with this super self-serious piece from THE POLITICO hopefully declaring Michele Bachmann’s rank lunacy THE NEXT BIG THING in political comebacks:
GOP consultant Mike Murphy said Bachmann came alive.
“I think she showed some life and proved that Perry will have some competition in Iowa on his right flank,” Murphy said.
Many of the next-day debate reviews agreed that Bachmann came out of the debate with a new lease on life.
“Bachmann was better than last time and showed she’s not going to quietly fade away,” National Review editor Rich Lowry wrote. Power Line declared that Bachmann “clobbered Rick Perry.” ABC News proclaimed her the winner of the debate, recapturing the spotlight and connecting with the tea party audience.
Terrifying photo of Marcus Bachmann using his favorite Weeping Jesus sex pose on his wife courtesy of the most terrifying corner of the Internet, Twitter. [The Hill/Politico/Twitter]
{ 188 comments }
My eyes! The goggles do nothing!!!
Needs MOAR beerz.
Needs moar eye gouging!
Eye gouging, beer goggles, it all boils down to the same thing. ERASE IMAGE!
Or perhaps I should say "Ecrasez l'infame!" Same thing, right?
Needz moar Earl of Gloucester.
Is that image from SNL's "Dick in a box" skit?
I can assure you, that 'dick' is in no 'box.'
I see what you did there.
Nobody puts Baby in the/a corner.
I'm pretty sure that's a clever p-shop of Marcus' head on Sean Hannity's body.
Oh, so now Sean Hannity is ass-fucking One-L? Great. I'm'a have nightmares all week. Thanks, Lascaux.
gaaaaaaaaaah.
I have no words. The look on her face. The videotaping crowd. The Marcus-ness.
I didn't think Marcus had it in him (that's what she said…)
Oh, I'm quite certain Marcus has had it in him at one point or another.
Dammit, KenLayIsAlive, *I* was gonna say that!
OH.MY.GOD.
What is everyone talking about? they.just.got.interesting!
Like that's ever happened — what it is that the picture seems to show. Or maybe neither one of them knows it's sinful to do with your clothes on, or talk during "the process."
I am just glad it is so blurry.
Blurry? Mebbe that picture affected you more than you realize.
You should see the hair on his palms!
It has made me blind, praise jebus.Sent from my iPhone
If he closed his eyes, uses the upper most orifice he might be able to pretend his way though it. Besides, from that angle she might actually look like a long haired guy, she is getting a bit long in the tooth.
Kirsten, if you really don't know what "jump the shark" means:
On the show "Happy Days" they started to run out of story lines and the show started to ubersuck. They had Fonzie jump a shark in a cage on water skis. Once that happened, everything imploded.
The show had been imploding for quite a while, the ubersuck was strong in that one.
Moving down home Brooklyn Bad Boy Fonzie to California, Southern district, was the figurative jumping of the shark. When he went water skiing, which is something no one in Brooklyn would admit to, and then, while water skiing, literally went up a ramp, and over a shark, a meme was born.
Don't get me started on that "Joanie Love Chachi" shit.
Marcus loves Chachi
That's the most useful and interesting thing I have ever read on Wonkette.
Pragmatist, be here tomorrow when I explain why it is a bad idea to get drunk and attempt to use one of your cat's claws as a makeshift toothpick.
Speaking of cats, our two Siamese have been introduced to our latest addition, a 10-week old Yorkshire tiny as a mite, and they're just freaking out.
Take some pictures of the little baby Yorkie, please. I would love to see her/him.
They're gonna be bullying that poor little creature to DEFF! If the dog ever gives you that "I can haz HALPS?" look, don't leave it home alone with the cats. That is all.
Oh, that sounds good.
What time is this planned for, because I want to be sure I catch it.
I was gonna make some snark about cat scratch fever, but it made me think of the Nooge, so now I have to go vomit.
Apparently Kirsten is young. That's no surprise because the name Kirsten was invented in 1987 by a dyslexic inmate stamping out vanity license plates.
But wouldn't you like to have been at the script meeting when someone said "I've got it! Fonzie waterskis." "No wait! He goes over a jump." "If you're gonna do that, you may as well have him jump over a shark. This is the episode they'll remember us for."
"That's no surprise because the name Kirsten was invented in 1987 by a dyslexic inmate stamping out vanity license plates."
Don't say that! She's a nice lady!
also, if she would like me to show her the Malacchi Crunch, I could do that. Probably. I mean sure, why not.
You can show her no. 1, but I wouldn't mind if she would (?could) show me no. 3.
I love her like a TP'er loves cheese fries. She had me at "The drugged circuit boards in Michele Bachmann’s mental Windows Vista operating system…"
It was a big Web meme circa 2003, which means Rush will move on to Lolcats sometime around Rick Perry's second inauguration.
You know what else jumped the shark? The expression "jump the shark." Like, a decade ago.
I have a hard time believing Kirsten B.J. did not know what "jump the shark" means — jumptheshark is the mother of all internet memes!
I dunno, "Mr T ate my balls" was pretty sweet.
Or maybe she was confused because Michele Bachmann isn't a TV show, and for Mr. Limbaugh to use that term to describe a person is kind of dumb.
Think of it this way…
on the net, the death-baggers jump the shark daily,
last night, the death-baggers jumped the shark nationally.
You never go "full-retard".
Fuck me big boy.
That's Marcus's line.
I'm pretty sure Michelle is a lights-off-just lift the nightgown up-&-pray-during-the-whole-3-minutes type of gal.
No, I think she's one of those "This is no dream. THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!" kind of gals like Rosemary Woodhouse.
And it turns out to just be a dream after all.
Somehow I have a hard time imagining Marcus lasting a whole three minutes.
I assume you are referring to:
http://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/dildo-sex-t…
(You may want the lube also)
Do I have to say NSFW? Seriously?
I think you might've sent all the Wonketeers there. I can't get the site to load.
Lizzie, darling, you *never* say that to me!
You never know.
I'm preening in anticipation.
Preen away, my love!
They could make a race of horror babies
I've had it with these back-door shenanigans.
Doh!
I bet after Marcus took that pose in the picture he ran in front of Michele, bent over and said, "my turn!"
Trickle down reach around.
Trickle down, reach around, pick a bale of cotton. Fixed myself.
Damn, you Schmannitized yo self!
OMG! I swear, I was thinking of that song when you posted the first comment. Hilarious!
txs
I'll bet Mishmash is quite the pegging expert.
The Kurgan wasn't about to quietly fade away, either. Maybe we should have made him president. Actually, I'll bet the National Review would agree with that.
vaccine hell. after that picture we need an antidote.
Sometimes, honey, you remind me of a thirteen-year-old boy.
Photoshopped. I can tell because I've seen quite a few 'chops in my time, and because the positions of Marcus and Michele are switched.
Now she is starting to look Presidential.
Cue the Doors' Backdoor Man!
Or Clarence Carter's Christmas Classic "Back Door Santa."
Superfreak. (I'm Rick James, bitch)
And according to Madeline Kahn, "It's twue, it's twue!!!"
At last sweet mystery of life I have a found you.
E above High C, please.
improbable rock line: "you can eat your chicken, eat your pork and beans, I eat more teatard than any man ever seen."
Wolf would have torn Michele's bony ass up.
I've never heard the Doors' version, but you ain't heard it till you heard Howlin' Wolf.
"Jailhouse Rock"
Finally, Wonkette returns us to our buttsechsing roots. Huzzah!
When will we see shitty pandas again?
As Marlon Brando famously said, "Get the butterstick."
Oh, christ, is "shitty pandas" some new kind of UrbanDictionary smut-talk for some disgusting sex act that I never want to hear about again? Is it anything like a cleveland steamer?
Yes, yes, yes, and exactly, but involves a two-tone furry.
I wish I hadn't asked that, now.
As Barack Obama might say, "Are you in?"
Bachmann has issued a statement in which she reveals that she herself had the vaccine and thus can testify that it makes you a retard -as well as causing migraines.
Is Marcus giving her the injection?
Honey, Marcus ain't never approached that woman without a cold beef injection.
It looks like Marcus is doing it wrong.
Lack of experience when there are no balls to stop his forward progress.
He's on her, but he's looking at the boy in the first row.
Damn you're right! He's simulated balls deep in her and he's got a big goofy grin for that guy.
"Heyyy…he's cute and he has a camera. I wonder…"
Is that her 0 face, or is that my imagination?
Michele doesn't *have* an "O" face, Fawkd. In fact, I'd venture to say she's never had one in her life.
Looks like Marcus is fast approaching the "vinegar stroke"….
Republican Primer:
You can say Jebus was really the son of god.
You can say man coexisted with dinosaurs.
You can say that slavery wasn't that bad.
You can NEVER, NEVER, NEVER say anything bad about Big Pharma!
“I think she showed some life and proved that Perry will have some competition in Iowa on his right flank,” Murphy said.
I think Michele has some frightening pictures, this one included. *shudder*
Went from corndog to cornhole.
Usually she has to put on the Boy Scout uniform to get that much attention.
With your hands on your hips
You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane
Let's do the Time Warp again!
Let's do the Time Warp again!
-With apologies to Rocky Horror Picture Show, which her campaign has become.
In her universe the rules of causality are suspended, so who knows?
It's a remake of the raccoon does dog picture!
"Terrifying photo of Marcus Bachmann using his favorite Weeping Jesus sex pose on his wife courtesy of the most terrifying corner of the Internet, Twitter."
It really isn't Marcus's fault – that's the only position he knows.
Meh. Limbaugh calling her out on insanity isn't that big of a deal.
Now, if he'd called her out on her pill habit – THAT would be a big deal.
As in pot, meet kettle?
Oh. They're both white. Never mind.
Thank you for the picture. It turned me asexual.
Yeah, I might have to swear off Teh Sexay permanently after that.
"I hope she gets re-elected. She's been a great President and the relocation camps are like hotels. The food is delicious and the beds are soft. She comes by every so often to do quality control and one time she slapped this guard who was sleeping on the job because he's there to PROTECT us and he wasn't doing his job."
–excerpt from NIGHTMARE; The Bachmann Years, 2016
This is their normal position so he doesn't have to see her lady parts.
Perry will have some competition in Iowa on his right flank
Right flank, left flank–Marcus Bachmann doesn't care. If he gets that sweet Perry penis everything will be fine with him.
marcus was confused when he reached around and attempted to play with the testicles.
You know what those two could use? A somewhat disturbing illustrated children's book all about girls' bodies and boys' bodies.
I know just where they can find one, too!
I think that picture has blinded me. Btw, doesn't the government require that innocent girls get all kinds of shots? Innocent little boys too. That is why we all don't drop dead from measles.
Ha ha! nobody's read the blurb we're all just commenting on that fabulous photo.
Rush said "There's no evidence that the vaccine causes mental retardation. That's a shame."
Rush thinks it is a shame because the incidence of mental retardation and the ratings of his show can be graphed with the same line.
Rush's tenuous grasp on reality is weakening every day, judging by his radio show.
So they say a picture speaks a thousand words, however this one just says gag a thousand times.
Would it be improved if Michele-one-el were wearing a ball-gag?
Oh, GOD, yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Michele Bachmann may think that all teenage girls should suffer for finding pleasure in sexual activity, but she should also remember that AIDS is not over, and, in the unlikely event, she should use protection with Marcus.
Nope. AIDS is caused by leprechauns, don't you know?
Well that picture has started me drinking again
Hic! Say what? hic!
Come on, people! That position obviously makes it easier for Marcus to pretend he's nailing some dude instead.
Haha. Marcus isn't the nailer in this equation.
The very thought…
So Rush finally has something bad to say about a Republican and it's because of a vaccine? I guess Merck made a phone call and got that going – it's one thing to deal with idiotic losers like Jenny McCarthy who are paranoid about vaccines … but if the 26%ers start worrying about vaccines, pharmaceutical companies could be in real trouble. And we already know those whack jobs will believe anything Rushbo tells them.
Rusty just has lumber for Perry. Mittens is his fall back, the last person he wants in office is Michele, she would *actually* find a way to ban abortion, inflict forced prayer in school and make anything other than procreational christian married sex illegal. This would destroy all the republican wedge issues and destroy the party outright.
Without the blunt Marcus, it's only Simulated Snoop Doggie style…
Picture Caption: This is how Bruce did me last night!
BTW, Marcus looks more like a catcher rather than a pitcher. Can a fella get a reach around?
Rich Lowry is seeing those starbursts again!!!! Watch out Marcus!!!
Dear Gay Men Who May See The Above Photo:
Please do be careful not to roll your eyes so far back into your head that they stay there, indefinitely.
Also, my vagina just fell apart. Thanks, KBJ.
If that lasts longer than 4 hours, you should consult a physician.
GOP consultant Mike Murphy said Bachmann came alive.
Silly GOP consultant, you have the wrong singer! It was Frampton that came alive!
Ha ha ha ha. That picture makes my day.
Blingie, or GTFO.
Based on her facial expression (assuming it's not tardive dyskinesia), he's doing it wrong.
The thought of them and anything resembling lip smacking made me nauseous.
TARD-ive, eh? Hmmm …
Whether or not you agree with Perry’s decision to mandate inoculations, and regardless of whether Perry was motivated primarily by his concern for the health of young girls or his desire to bring a huge contract to his pharmaceutical buddies — Bachmann is once again displaying a complete disregard for sound reasoning and a profound ignorance about the process of science.
Bachmann hears “stuff” from her neighbors, reads “stuff” on a blog site, and runs with it without investigating the veracity of the information. Isolated anecdotal accounts that are completely devoid of evidence establishing causal relationships have no place in the decision making process when establishing public policy.
I'd hit that on national teevee while she greets potential voters.
I can see checking Wonkette this evening was a mistake. Time to go start a bath and plug in a toaster.
No need for a toaster — just think of it as an excuse to finish the last five shots of Maker's Mark.
I feel that way every day.
Jeezus! Is Marcus ass-fucking Michele right there in front of GAWD and EVUHBAWDY?
Two things: I see this photo as proof that Marcus prefers cornholing.
Second, and a little OT: Did Michele forget how many children she had last night?
I'm waiting for her head to spin around and start puking green pea soup.
"Bachmann Comes Alive", is still the third best selling live album of all time.
And then there's this absolute GEM from Politico (I take it Ben Smith is not really quick on nuance): http://www.politico.com/blogs/bensmith/0911/Bachm…
Apparently not. Hee.
Well thanks a lot Wonkette! I was going to have a fap-fest tonight but after seeing that pix I'll be lucky to be able to FIND my dick for a week.
What is particularly dangerous about her use of anything she can to get attention, is that the kids of many of her followers may be at risk of HPV and cervical cancer as a result of her bulls@#$%.
Shh!! We WANT those genes outa the pool.
That's about the only way Marcus would give it to Michele: fully clothed.
they do this kind of thing in public?
That picture, it's so awful yet so entrancing can't look away.
OK, so the earth is flat. Again.
Woof woof… How much for doggy in the window?
Or "doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel."
Of course One-L Michele would be against vaccines. Obviously, she wasn't ever vaccinated against rabies.
Howler monkey imitator Sarah Palin has yet to fade away; doesn't make her any more relevant than she was. You can fade whilst screeching or fade whilst silent. It don't matter none.
During last night's debate, Rick Perry said, in response to Michele Bachmann's accusations of taking money from Merck in exchange for making the Gardasil vaccine mandatory, "If you're saying I can be bought for $5,000, I'm offended."
It sure would have been refreshing if he said, ""If you're saying I can be bought, I'm offended."
But he didn't.
It would have been even more refreshing if he had said, "If you're saying I can be bought for $5,000, I'm offended. I'll let you know it takes at least $50,000 dollars to buy me off, little missy."
How'd they get 32 kids or whatever in the hell it is? (S'kay, Shel, I have a hard time remembering myself.) He's FUCKING HER IN THE ASS! Am I the only one seeing this?
The touch, the feel of frottage; the fabric of our lives.
Marcus looks real comfy with this position.
He's only ever dreamed of being in that position. He's savoring the fantasy, obviously.
Dear Wonkette, please find attached an invoice for the full frontal lobotomy that I will be undergoing tomorrow. The doctors have advised me that it is the only procedure short of death that might remove this image from my mind. Please pay promptly, as I would hate for the doctor to stop halfway through the process.
Makin' her "O" face…
Alt text:
Fuckin' ewwwww.
That's a more flattering picture of her position on the issues than she actually has.
They call him…BACKDOOR BACHMANN!!!!!!!
Englebert Humperdumper Lives!
Spank dat bumper Marcus!
I bet Marcus has never been in that position with Michele before in his life.
See, kids? You don't need a vaccine if you keep your clothes on while you are doing "it."
“If you’re saying that I can be bought for $5,000, I’m offended,” Perry responded. "It takes a whole lot more than $5,000! Who do you think I am??"
Okay, I'M SORRY, but on first glance that looks like Ted Kennedy.
I said I was SORRY!!
That's not Marcus, that's a Kennedy!
The road to the White House goes through the back door.
Again, for someone that gloats about being an asshole, and had to even make extra accounts to seek negative attention here, you sure seem upset about me calling you on your behavior.
Yes. Pups, or GTFO.
I will post them as soon as I figure out how to do it. Her name is Whippette.
Your daddy's a fat, fucking whore.
Negro, Negro, Negro: You're making it too, too easy.
Not that this will stop me.
Ready?
"YURE MAMA, BRO!!!!!!"
[And to think of the time that I wasted memorizing the Hooker translation, when such rhetorical gems were being produced locally . . . IN DA HOOD, as it were, by your confrees.]
Neilist
Wonkette's Inventive Invective & Center Fire Pistol Desk
To paraphrae, yet again, The Bard: "Make it a word and a blow . . . say, a 158 grain .357 Magnum blow — the American classic, not like that Communist Liberal Pinko SKum 9mm nonsense."
Yeah, that was the joke. You're such a special little guy for noticing. Maybe, we'll let you take off your mittens, this time, when we give you your cookie reward.
Now, why don't you go do what you are wont to do and pleasure yourself by sitting on one of your guns and blowing your fucking brains out? You know, semi-automatic-erotic asphyxiation.
Whippette good!
Sorry. Now back to your regularly scheduled snarking.
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