We hope the Internet dies a rapid death.Welcome to the seventh dimension, humans: even Satan’s pet horned toad Rush Limbaugh thinks Michele Bachmann’s ludicrous claim that the Gardasil HPV vaccine causes girls to “suffer mental retardation” is off-the-reservation insane.

Rush Limbaugh told his cult army of brainless followers that Michele Bachmann “jumped the shark” on the vaccination thing, whatever the hell that means, but we thought this special instance of the batshit Insane calling another portion of the Insane even more radically Insane than usual contrasted nicely with this super self-serious piece from THE POLITICO hopefully declaring Michele Bachmann’s rank lunacy THE NEXT BIG THING in political comebacks:

GOP consultant Mike Murphy said Bachmann came alive.

“I think she showed some life and proved that Perry will have some competition in Iowa on his right flank,” Murphy said.

Many of the next-day debate reviews agreed that Bachmann came out of the debate with a new lease on life.

“Bachmann was better than last time and showed she’s not going to quietly fade away,” National Review editor Rich Lowry wrote. Power Line declared that Bachmann “clobbered Rick Perry.” ABC News proclaimed her the winner of the debate, recapturing the spotlight and connecting with the tea party audience.

Terrifying photo of Marcus Bachmann using his favorite Weeping Jesus sex pose on his wife courtesy of the most terrifying corner of the Internet, Twitter. [The Hill/Politico/Twitter]

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  • GunToting[Redacted]

    My eyes! The goggles do nothing!!!

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Needs MOAR beerz.

      • BerkeleyBear

        Needs moar eye gouging!

        • Pristine_ODummy

          Eye gouging, beer goggles, it all boils down to the same thing. ERASE IMAGE!

          Or perhaps I should say "Ecrasez l'infame!" Same thing, right?

        • Negropolis

          Needz moar Earl of Gloucester.

  • nounverb911

    Is that image from SNL's "Dick in a box" skit?

    • I can assure you, that 'dick' is in no 'box.'

      • UW8316154

        I see what you did there.

      • Negropolis

        Nobody puts Baby in the/a corner.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I'm pretty sure that's a clever p-shop of Marcus' head on Sean Hannity's body.

      • Pristine_ODummy

        Oh, so now Sean Hannity is ass-fucking One-L? Great. I'm'a have nightmares all week. Thanks, Lascaux.

  • gaaaaaaaaaah.

    I have no words. The look on her face. The videotaping crowd. The Marcus-ness.

  • Indiepalin

    I didn't think Marcus had it in him (that's what she said…)

    • Oh, I'm quite certain Marcus has had it in him at one point or another.

      • Pristine_ODummy

        Dammit, KenLayIsAlive, *I* was gonna say that!

  • Texan_Bulldog


    • NorthStarSpanx

      What is everyone talking about?!

  • V572 T-Blow

    Like that's ever happened — what it is that the picture seems to show. Or maybe neither one of them knows it's sinful to do with your clothes on, or talk during "the process."

    • Crank_Tango

      I am just glad it is so blurry.

      • flamingpdog

        Blurry? Mebbe that picture affected you more than you realize.

        • Pristine_ODummy

          You should see the hair on his palms!

        • Crank_Tango

          It has made me blind, praise jebus.Sent from my iPhone

    • If he closed his eyes, uses the upper most orifice he might be able to pretend his way though it. Besides, from that angle she might actually look like a long haired guy, she is getting a bit long in the tooth.

  • Barb

    Kirsten, if you really don't know what "jump the shark" means:
    On the show "Happy Days" they started to run out of story lines and the show started to ubersuck. They had Fonzie jump a shark in a cage on water skis. Once that happened, everything imploded.

    • riverside68

      The show had been imploding for quite a while, the ubersuck was strong in that one.

      Moving down home Brooklyn Bad Boy Fonzie to California, Southern district, was the figurative jumping of the shark. When he went water skiing, which is something no one in Brooklyn would admit to, and then, while water skiing, literally went up a ramp, and over a shark, a meme was born.

      • Barb

        Don't get me started on that "Joanie Love Chachi" shit.

        • DashboardBuddha

          Marcus loves Chachi

    • Pragmatist2

      That's the most useful and interesting thing I have ever read on Wonkette.

      • Barb

        Pragmatist, be here tomorrow when I explain why it is a bad idea to get drunk and attempt to use one of your cat's claws as a makeshift toothpick.

        • bflrtsplk

          Speaking of cats, our two Siamese have been introduced to our latest addition, a 10-week old Yorkshire tiny as a mite, and they're just freaking out.

          • Barb

            Take some pictures of the little baby Yorkie, please. I would love to see her/him.

          • Geminisunmars

            Yes. Pups, or GTFO.

          • bflrtsplk

            I will post them as soon as I figure out how to do it. Her name is Whippette.

          • elviouslyqueer

            Whippette good!

            Sorry. Now back to your regularly scheduled snarking.

          • Pristine_ODummy

            They're gonna be bullying that poor little creature to DEFF! If the dog ever gives you that "I can haz HALPS?" look, don't leave it home alone with the cats. That is all.

        • Oh, that sounds good.

        • Pristine_ODummy

          What time is this planned for, because I want to be sure I catch it.

        • flamingpdog

          I was gonna make some snark about cat scratch fever, but it made me think of the Nooge, so now I have to go vomit.

    • Apparently Kirsten is young. That's no surprise because the name Kirsten was invented in 1987 by a dyslexic inmate stamping out vanity license plates.

      But wouldn't you like to have been at the script meeting when someone said "I've got it! Fonzie waterskis." "No wait! He goes over a jump." "If you're gonna do that, you may as well have him jump over a shark. This is the episode they'll remember us for."

      • Schmannnity

        "That's no surprise because the name Kirsten was invented in 1987 by a dyslexic inmate stamping out vanity license plates."

        Don't say that! She's a nice lady!

        • Crank_Tango

          also, if she would like me to show her the Malacchi Crunch, I could do that. Probably. I mean sure, why not.

          • flamingpdog

            You can show her no. 1, but I wouldn't mind if she would (?could) show me no. 3.

        • I love her like a TP'er loves cheese fries. She had me at "The drugged circuit boards in Michele Bachmann’s mental Windows Vista operating system…"

    • __kth__

      It was a big Web meme circa 2003, which means Rush will move on to Lolcats sometime around Rick Perry's second inauguration.

    • LettucePrey

      You know what else jumped the shark? The expression "jump the shark." Like, a decade ago.

    • Come here a minute

      I have a hard time believing Kirsten B.J. did not know what "jump the shark" means — jumptheshark is the mother of all internet memes!

      • Crank_Tango

        I dunno, "Mr T ate my balls" was pretty sweet.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Or maybe she was confused because Michele Bachmann isn't a TV show, and for Mr. Limbaugh to use that term to describe a person is kind of dumb.

    • Think of it this way…
      on the net, the death-baggers jump the shark daily,
      last night, the death-baggers jumped the shark nationally.

  • glamourdammerung

    You never go "full-retard".

  • Limeylizzie

    Fuck me big boy.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      That's Marcus's line.

      I'm pretty sure Michelle is a lights-off-just lift the nightgown up-&-pray-during-the-whole-3-minutes type of gal.

      • Steverino247

        No, I think she's one of those "This is no dream. THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!" kind of gals like Rosemary Woodhouse.

      • Pristine_ODummy

        Somehow I have a hard time imagining Marcus lasting a whole three minutes.

    • riverside68

      I assume you are referring to:

      (You may want the lube also)
      Do I have to say NSFW? Seriously?

      • Pristine_ODummy

        I think you might've sent all the Wonketeers there. I can't get the site to load.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Lizzie, darling, you *never* say that to me!

      • Limeylizzie

        You never know.

        • Pristine_ODummy

          I'm preening in anticipation.

          • Limeylizzie

            Preen away, my love!

  • a_pink_poodle

    They could make a race of horror babies

  • chascates

    I've had it with these back-door shenanigans.

    • Buzz Feedback


  • Barb

    I bet after Marcus took that pose in the picture he ran in front of Michele, bent over and said, "my turn!"

    • Schmannnity

      Trickle down reach around.

      • Schmannnity

        Trickle down, reach around, pick a bale of cotton. Fixed myself.

        • Damn, you Schmannitized yo self!

        • Barb

          OMG! I swear, I was thinking of that song when you posted the first comment. Hilarious!

          • Schmannnity


    • Pristine_ODummy

      I'll bet Mishmash is quite the pegging expert.

  • edgydrifter

    The Kurgan wasn't about to quietly fade away, either. Maybe we should have made him president. Actually, I'll bet the National Review would agree with that.

  • fuflans

    vaccine hell. after that picture we need an antidote.

  • owhatever

    Sometimes, honey, you remind me of a thirteen-year-old boy.

  • veritass

    Photoshopped. I can tell because I've seen quite a few 'chops in my time, and because the positions of Marcus and Michele are switched.

  • genxr

    Now she is starting to look Presidential.

  • Schmannnity

    Cue the Doors' Backdoor Man!

    • Tundra Grifter

      Or Clarence Carter's Christmas Classic "Back Door Santa."

      • Schmannnity

        Superfreak. (I'm Rick James, bitch)

    • And according to Madeline Kahn, "It's twue, it's twue!!!"

      • Beowoof

        At last sweet mystery of life I have a found you.

        • Pristine_ODummy

          E above High C, please.

    • Schmannnity

      improbable rock line: "you can eat your chicken, eat your pork and beans, I eat more teatard than any man ever seen."

      • mannacler

        Wolf would have torn Michele's bony ass up.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      I've never heard the Doors' version, but you ain't heard it till you heard Howlin' Wolf.

    • iburl

      "Jailhouse Rock"

  • LesBontemps

    Finally, Wonkette returns us to our buttsechsing roots. Huzzah!

    When will we see shitty pandas again?

    • Come here a minute

      As Marlon Brando famously said, "Get the butterstick."

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Oh, christ, is "shitty pandas" some new kind of UrbanDictionary smut-talk for some disgusting sex act that I never want to hear about again? Is it anything like a cleveland steamer?

      • LesBontemps

        Yes, yes, yes, and exactly, but involves a two-tone furry.

        • Pristine_ODummy

          I wish I hadn't asked that, now.

  • Steverino247

    As Barack Obama might say, "Are you in?"

  • Pragmatist2

    Bachmann has issued a statement in which she reveals that she herself had the vaccine and thus can testify that it makes you a retard -as well as causing migraines.

  • Wilcoxyz

    Is Marcus giving her the injection?

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Honey, Marcus ain't never approached that woman without a cold beef injection.

  • hollywooddood

    It looks like Marcus is doing it wrong.

    • Beowoof

      Lack of experience when there are no balls to stop his forward progress.

  • Schmannnity

    He's on her, but he's looking at the boy in the first row.

    • DashboardBuddha

      Damn you're right! He's simulated balls deep in her and he's got a big goofy grin for that guy.

      "Heyyy…he's cute and he has a camera. I wonder…"

  • Fawkdifiknow

    Is that her 0 face, or is that my imagination?

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Michele doesn't *have* an "O" face, Fawkd. In fact, I'd venture to say she's never had one in her life.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Looks like Marcus is fast approaching the "vinegar stroke"….

  • Catpause

    Republican Primer:

    You can say Jebus was really the son of god.
    You can say man coexisted with dinosaurs.
    You can say that slavery wasn't that bad.
    You can NEVER, NEVER, NEVER say anything bad about Big Pharma!

  • Buckminster

    “I think she showed some life and proved that Perry will have some competition in Iowa on his right flank,” Murphy said.

    I think Michele has some frightening pictures, this one included. *shudder*

  • Guppy06

    Went from corndog to cornhole.

    Usually she has to put on the Boy Scout uniform to get that much attention.

  • Geosphotos

    With your hands on your hips
    You bring your knees in tight
    But it's the pelvic thrust
    That really drives you insane
    Let's do the Time Warp again!
    Let's do the Time Warp again!
    -With apologies to Rocky Horror Picture Show, which her campaign has become.

  • Slim_Pickins

    In her universe the rules of causality are suspended, so who knows?


    It's a remake of the raccoon does dog picture!

  • Tundra Grifter

    "Terrifying photo of Marcus Bachmann using his favorite Weeping Jesus sex pose on his wife courtesy of the most terrifying corner of the Internet, Twitter."

    It really isn't Marcus's fault – that's the only position he knows.

  • Redhead

    Meh. Limbaugh calling her out on insanity isn't that big of a deal.

    Now, if he'd called her out on her pill habit – THAT would be a big deal.

    • Buckminster

      As in pot, meet kettle?
      Oh. They're both white. Never mind.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Thank you for the picture. It turned me asexual.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Yeah, I might have to swear off Teh Sexay permanently after that.

  • Wonderthing

    "I hope she gets re-elected. She's been a great President and the relocation camps are like hotels. The food is delicious and the beds are soft. She comes by every so often to do quality control and one time she slapped this guard who was sleeping on the job because he's there to PROTECT us and he wasn't doing his job."

    –excerpt from NIGHTMARE; The Bachmann Years, 2016

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    This is their normal position so he doesn't have to see her lady parts.

  • Perry will have some competition in Iowa on his right flank

    Right flank, left flank–Marcus Bachmann doesn't care. If he gets that sweet Perry penis everything will be fine with him.

  • obfuscator2

    marcus was confused when he reached around and attempted to play with the testicles.

  • SorosBot

    You know what those two could use? A somewhat disturbing illustrated children's book all about girls' bodies and boys' bodies.

    • Geminisunmars

      I know just where they can find one, too!

  • I think that picture has blinded me. Btw, doesn't the government require that innocent girls get all kinds of shots? Innocent little boys too. That is why we all don't drop dead from measles.

  • GregComlish

    Ha ha! nobody's read the blurb we're all just commenting on that fabulous photo.

  • Rush said "There's no evidence that the vaccine causes mental retardation. That's a shame."

    Rush thinks it is a shame because the incidence of mental retardation and the ratings of his show can be graphed with the same line.

    • Buckminster

      Rush's tenuous grasp on reality is weakening every day, judging by his radio show.

  • Beowoof

    So they say a picture speaks a thousand words, however this one just says gag a thousand times.

    • Would it be improved if Michele-one-el were wearing a ball-gag?

      • Pristine_ODummy

        Oh, GOD, yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  • Come here a minute

    Michele Bachmann may think that all teenage girls should suffer for finding pleasure in sexual activity, but she should also remember that AIDS is not over, and, in the unlikely event, she should use protection with Marcus.

    • Buckminster

      Nope. AIDS is caused by leprechauns, don't you know?

  • MozakiBlocks

    Well that picture has started me drinking again

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Hic! Say what? hic!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Come on, people! That position obviously makes it easier for Marcus to pretend he's nailing some dude instead.

    • phlox✔

      Haha. Marcus isn't the nailer in this equation.
      The very thought…

  • HistoriCat

    So Rush finally has something bad to say about a Republican and it's because of a vaccine? I guess Merck made a phone call and got that going – it's one thing to deal with idiotic losers like Jenny McCarthy who are paranoid about vaccines … but if the 26%ers start worrying about vaccines, pharmaceutical companies could be in real trouble. And we already know those whack jobs will believe anything Rushbo tells them.

  • Rotundo_

    Rusty just has lumber for Perry. Mittens is his fall back, the last person he wants in office is Michele, she would *actually* find a way to ban abortion, inflict forced prayer in school and make anything other than procreational christian married sex illegal. This would destroy all the republican wedge issues and destroy the party outright.

  • DahBoner

    Without the blunt Marcus, it's only Simulated Snoop Doggie style…

  • Flat_Earther

    Picture Caption: This is how Bruce did me last night!

    BTW, Marcus looks more like a catcher rather than a pitcher. Can a fella get a reach around?

  • Rich Lowry is seeing those starbursts again!!!! Watch out Marcus!!!

  • lamorenabruja

    Dear Gay Men Who May See The Above Photo:
    Please do be careful not to roll your eyes so far back into your head that they stay there, indefinitely.

    Also, my vagina just fell apart. Thanks, KBJ.

    • Negropolis

      Also, my vagina just fell apart.

      If that lasts longer than 4 hours, you should consult a physician.

  • flamingpdog

    GOP consultant Mike Murphy said Bachmann came alive.

    Silly GOP consultant, you have the wrong singer! It was Frampton that came alive!

  • comrad_darkness

    Ha ha ha ha. That picture makes my day.

  • ChuckieJesus

    Blingie, or GTFO.

  • ThundercatHo

    Based on her facial expression (assuming it's not tardive dyskinesia), he's doing it wrong.

    • mavenmaven

      The thought of them and anything resembling lip smacking made me nauseous.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      TARD-ive, eh? Hmmm …

  • labman57

    Whether or not you agree with Perry’s decision to mandate inoculations, and regardless of whether Perry was motivated primarily by his concern for the health of young girls or his desire to bring a huge contract to his pharmaceutical buddies — Bachmann is once again displaying a complete disregard for sound reasoning and a profound ignorance about the process of science.

    Bachmann hears “stuff” from her neighbors, reads “stuff” on a blog site, and runs with it without investigating the veracity of the information.  Isolated anecdotal accounts that are completely devoid of evidence establishing causal relationships have no place in the decision making process when establishing public policy.

  • genxr

    I'd hit that on national teevee while she greets potential voters.

  • BornInATrailer

    I can see checking Wonkette this evening was a mistake. Time to go start a bath and plug in a toaster.

    • No need for a toaster — just think of it as an excuse to finish the last five shots of Maker's Mark.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      I feel that way every day.

  • Pristine_ODummy

    Jeezus! Is Marcus ass-fucking Michele right there in front of GAWD and EVUHBAWDY?

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Two things: I see this photo as proof that Marcus prefers cornholing.

    Second, and a little OT: Did Michele forget how many children she had last night?

  • I'm waiting for her head to spin around and start puking green pea soup.

  • "Bachmann Comes Alive", is still the third best selling live album of all time.

  • gvvt

    And then there's this absolute GEM from Politico (I take it Ben Smith is not really quick on nuance):

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Apparently not. Hee.

  • ttommyunger

    Well thanks a lot Wonkette! I was going to have a fap-fest tonight but after seeing that pix I'll be lucky to be able to FIND my dick for a week.

  • mavenmaven

    What is particularly dangerous about her use of anything she can to get attention, is that the kids of many of her followers may be at risk of HPV and cervical cancer as a result of her bulls@#$%.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Shh!! We WANT those genes outa the pool.

  • subsum

    That's about the only way Marcus would give it to Michele: fully clothed.

  • BZ1

    they do this kind of thing in public?

  • UW8316154

    That picture, it's so awful yet so entrancing can't look away.

  • Uniprober

    OK, so the earth is flat. Again.

  • Woof woof… How much for doggy in the window?

    Or "doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel."

  • Negropolis

    Of course One-L Michele would be against vaccines. Obviously, she wasn't ever vaccinated against rabies.

  • Negropolis

    “Bachmann was better than last time and showed she’s not going to quietly fade away,” National Review editor Rich Lowry wrote.

    Howler monkey imitator Sarah Palin has yet to fade away; doesn't make her any more relevant than she was. You can fade whilst screeching or fade whilst silent. It don't matter none.

  • jmarsh04

    During last night's debate, Rick Perry said, in response to Michele Bachmann's accusations of taking money from Merck in exchange for making the Gardasil vaccine mandatory, "If you're saying I can be bought for $5,000, I'm offended."

    It sure would have been refreshing if he said, ""If you're saying I can be bought, I'm offended."

    But he didn't.

    • flamingpdog

      It would have been even more refreshing if he had said, "If you're saying I can be bought for $5,000, I'm offended. I'll let you know it takes at least $50,000 dollars to buy me off, little missy."

  • PuckStopsHere

    How'd they get 32 kids or whatever in the hell it is? (S'kay, Shel, I have a hard time remembering myself.) He's FUCKING HER IN THE ASS! Am I the only one seeing this?

  • The touch, the feel of frottage; the fabric of our lives.

  • Schmegeg

    Marcus looks real comfy with this position.

    • Negropolis

      He's only ever dreamed of being in that position. He's savoring the fantasy, obviously.

  • tcaalaw

    Dear Wonkette, please find attached an invoice for the full frontal lobotomy that I will be undergoing tomorrow. The doctors have advised me that it is the only procedure short of death that might remove this image from my mind. Please pay promptly, as I would hate for the doctor to stop halfway through the process.

  • HarryButtle

    Makin' her "O" face…

    Alt text:

    Fuckin' ewwwww.

  • LiveToServeYa

    That's a more flattering picture of her position on the issues than she actually has.

  • Smithboy

    They call him…BACKDOOR BACHMANN!!!!!!!

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Englebert Humperdumper Lives!

  • Fanniebeldora

    Spank dat bumper Marcus!

  • Terry

    I bet Marcus has never been in that position with Michele before in his life.

  • crybabyboehner

    See, kids? You don't need a vaccine if you keep your clothes on while you are doing "it."

  • Billmatic

    “If you’re saying that I can be bought for $5,000, I’m offended,” Perry responded. "It takes a whole lot more than $5,000! Who do you think I am??"

  • MikeInMichigan

    Okay, I'M SORRY, but on first glance that looks like Ted Kennedy.

    I said I was SORRY!!

  • That's not Marcus, that's a Kennedy!

  • Nostrildamus

    The road to the White House goes through the back door.

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