Here is a fourth-hand political gossip rumor: Barack Obama has got the depression, bad. Why? According to Gawker’s John Cook, the New York Times “is preparing a story arguing that Obama no longer finds joy in the political back-and-forth, has seemed increasingly listless to associates, and is generally exhibiting the litany of signs that late-night cable commercials will tell you add up to depression.”

Hmm, well maybe he just doesn’t understand “political back-and-forth,” considering that he only moves back, against the wall, with his hands up, always.

Politicians thrive on positive attention. They don’t really care if it comes from lobbyists or peers or sociopathic self-interested voters or media jackals. So here is an easy way for Barack Obama to cure his depression: Start doing some stuff his supporters would like. You know, liberal stuff! Give it a try, anyway, for once! [Gawker]

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  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Try kicking Paul Ryan in the taint. I'm sure that would make ME feel better.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Shank John Boehner in the prison woodshop (if they ever find themselves both in prison at the same time, that is.)

      • V572 T-Blow

        You go to the tool crib and tell the trusty that you need to sharpen a plane iron. But you really use the whetstone to work on your shiv, a purloined cafeteria knife that you've been honing to ferocious sharpness.


        Ever see the James Woods vehicle "True Believer"? There's a prison fight at the beginning that's one of the scariest things I've ever seen in a movie.

  • Barb

    " Obama no longer finds joy in the political back-and-forth"
    With the GOP, there is no "forth" just "back"

    • Guess we should be happy with a 2nd or 3rd, much less a 4th.

  • SorosBot

    Having to deal with the Boner and Fox "News" daily would make me depressed. Well, more than I already am.

  • Indiepalin

    Maybe it's time our President was introduced to Monica Lewinsky.

    • Michelle's too fit. She'd kick his ass. Maybe that's what's behind her freedom-killing anti-obesity campaign!

  • I find greater joy in the in-'n-out than the back-and-forth.

    • not that Dewey

      Sorry, love. Just came to read the meter.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Those are good burgers, natoslug.

  • nounverb911

    There's always Xanax.

    • flamingpdog

      I can't see where a proud person like Barry would laura himself to that level.

  • nounverb911

    “political back-and-froth,”
    Needs more santorum.

  • SorosBot

    You know what cures depression? Alcohol, that's what I found.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Surely there must be some foreign country, preferably Muslim, we could invade?

    That always seemed perk up George W Bush when he was feeling low.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Well, Dick Cheney is advocating that we (through our subsidiary, Israel) bomb Iran, so that's an option.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Remember Presidential wannabe John McCain and "Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran"?

  • shirleyplz

    jesus he probably is clinical.He should out of DC, visit another country.the hell with the asshat critics.

  • nounverb911

    Can't Barry just sign an executive making Ohio go away? That would cheer a lot of people up.

    • elviouslyqueer

      A treaty giving Texas back to Mexico would work too.

  • BerkeleyBear

    Blow something up. Get a blow job. Viciously impale your opponents. Something like that.

  • HistoriCat

    Poor Barry – he tried his best to change the tone in Washington but the place is still a swamp. I would be depressed too. Hell, I'm depressed for him.

  • lamorenabruja

    Poor man spends every Friday night crying naked in an empty tub, listening to "Eternal Flame" on loop. Oh, wait. That's Lindsay Graham.
    Anyway, somebody get Hopey a carton of Newports and some arugula, stat!

  • elviouslyqueer

    As I said in a previous post (paraphrased): GOP assholes + H2SO4 shower = Happy Barry.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Charlie was a chemist
      But Charlie is no more
      What Charlie thought was H2O
      Was H2S04

      Sorry. It just made every chemist in the office hysterical.

  • AlterNewt

    I don't think it's so much the political back and forth as the the political in and out.

    • Beowoof

      And in the ass.

  • WhatTheHolyHeck

    If he'd just get himself off of the affirmative action welfares and stop leeching off the public dime while living like an urban muslim king with a watermelon patch and a hypocritical, french-fry-eating gorilla for a wife, he'd have more self-respect.

  • What the fuck is the jobs bill campaign, chopped liver? Jesus.

    • fuflans


    • not that Dewey

      As you'll recall, Ken declared that campaign to be "fake"; ergo, Barry's not liberal.

      • Liberal libel!

        The penguin is feeling alliterative today.

      • Cicada

        So Ken is Megan McCardle in drag? Interesting…

        • not that Dewey

          That's one scary-ass visual, thank you very much. That copy of The Atlantic in the bathroom is going to start collecting dust now, I'm afraid.

          • horsedreamer_1

            Scarier than the "If they mated… K-Lo & J-Go" photoshop that we frequently see on Our Wonkette?

          • not that Dewey

            Not necessarily.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Damn, Chet, you should know by now, when you're a Person of Tint or Hue, no matter how hard you work, it ain't worth much.

      You need to read more of that Sally Kern LayDee.

      • You're saying that's the "base's" reaction to Obama's "growing a pair and fighting?" I guess that's why Kos is ethnic-cleansing.

        • Pristine_ODummy

          I'm watching in dismay as the Marching Morons let the best President we've elected in decades swim against the strong tide of their "Two legs good, four legs bad" chant of the week. We all promised WE would work together to do whatever had to be done, that WE would have HIS back. All it takes is a couple of talking heads repeating the meme of "Cave! Cave!" and suddenly, the only person who is even trying to clean up the mess is somehow "weak," and "incompetent," despite all he does and all he has done, and all he could yet do if we would stop thinking "The sherriff is a Near!"

          Markos is just letting his inner fascist surface. I always suspected it was lurking underneath a very thin surface.

        • Anyone who grew up in America and claims he does not see color is either willfully lying or lacking self-awareness, but you hear liberals and conservatives arguing all the time about which side "sees color" and which side doesn't. Which has led me to wonder how much of the liberal angst directed at Obama comes from a subconscious assumption many people made during the campaign that he must be a liberal because he's black. Because it certainly seems to me that a lot of people on the left discounted whatever campaign rhetoric didn't fit that view. But it's damn near impossible to have an honest conversation about this idea because so few people on either side can admit to holding any racial bias and you can't have a conversation about race in this country without everyone getting upset and defensive and projecting onto others.

          On a related note, I was paging through an old Bloom County collection last week and ran across a run of strips from around '87 in which one of the white characters had to confront his liberal guilt that he didn't like Jesse Jackson and couldn't see Jesse as leader of the free world. In talking him down, one of the black characters said "the first black man in the White House will be a conservative." Now that prediction has sort of come true – Obama's a moderate at least, if one must pigeonhole him on the spectrum – and liberals have been wetting their pants. Very interesting.

          • Where are we at on demonizing Bill Clinton now? Is he "out" again? Obama's seeking consensus and the best ideas from either side is kind of similar to Clinton "triangulation", but Bill had the ability to relate to the Common White Man; liberals didn't pillory his ass like they do Obama, because they didn't want to mess up a Good Electoral Thing. But since The Big Lies propagated against Obama among dumb white people don't afford him that Clintonesque teflon, some white liberals feel free to hate his guts. It's all a farce.

  • Not_So_Much

    Meh, call us if it lasts more than four hours.

  • edgydrifter

    The man has guaranteed income for life with platinum benefits and a minion who follows him around everywhere with "the button." If he's depressed, how the hell are the rest of us supposed to feel?

  • Mr. Barry, sir. Wait for an early breeze to be comin' from the east southeast. Call in some F18s with MK77s to hit the Capitol. See if the smell of napalm in the morning helps with the bluez.

  • fawkdifiknow

    With the job he’s got, and the problems Bush and Cheney handed over to him without so much as a “sorry about all this shit,” and surveying his so-called party allies in Congress (Reid, Lieberman, et al) he’d be a fucking mormon – er, moran, uh, I mean moron – not to be depressed.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Two words, Barry: Hand. Grenade.

    Love you too.


  • metamarcisf

    Everybody needs a hobby. Mine's cunnilingus.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Whoa! Was not expecting that! Umm…okay.

    • Beowoof

      Ah one of my favorite pastimes.

    • Rotundo_

      I always considered that a culinary pursuit more than a hobby. The National Lampoon had a wonderful article on Wife Tasting some decades ago.

    • Limeylizzie

      You rang?

    • Pristine_ODummy

      A fine hobby to have.

  • Arken

    Ah, Gawker. Continuing its march toward irrelevancy. Thanks, Nick Denton!

  • Maybe this will cheer you up, Mr. President.

    Or this.

  • fuflans

    i think there are pills for this but they usually involve:

    mood or behavior changes, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, hostile, aggressive or restless thoughts, hyperactivity (mentally or physically), more depression, thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself.

    • V572 T-Blow

      Plus diarrhea and impotence. Whee! You'll be a baby again!

  • LetUsBray

    Watching the man get treated like shit and never fight back is sure depressing the hell out of me. It would at least explain the lack of fighting back, anyway.

  • Indiepalin

    President Obama talking about Michele Bachmann: "I'll have what she's having."

    • Beowoof

      Do you really want the leader of the free world to take that many drugs?

      • Indiepalin

        I think we're a little beyond that.

        • horsedreamer_1

          I figured Michele was under the influence of PCP-laced Hot Dish.

  • Lester & Charlie

    Put President Obama on medication that would make *this* his next 1 minute and 20 second address to Congress:

  • Join the club. We're all depressed. Except for the "job creators," who are successfully hoarding their money.

  • Sue4466

    If Obama wasn't sick of the political bullshit by now, THEN we'd have something to worry about mental-health wise.

    Finding "joy" in the political back and forth is Washington speak for being a political whore.

    • the_problem_child

      Or insanity.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Abraham Lincoln was depressed there for a while, what with his generals refusing to engage or getting their asses kicked. Then he sent Sherman marching to the sea and felt a lot better. Think about it, Barry.

    • Beowoof

      Sweet another march through the red neck south.

      • Pristine_ODummy

        I love my friends in the Southland and all, but … oh, WTF, who am I kidding?

        Go ahead, do it! They'd welcome y'all as liberators.

        • Nothingisamiss

          I'd throw flowers at the tanks as they drove through.

    • KeepFnThatChicken


      And while you're there, kill Jerry Lee Lewis. I don't know why the fuck he is still alive, but he needs offin'.

  • There are people at the Times who, based on the paper's reporting, believe Obama is depressed according to Gawker.

    That's a diagnosis you can take to the bank. If unnamed people at the "All the News that Fits, We Print" paper say he is depressed he must be.

  • BarackMyWorld

    "Obama…is generally exhibiting the litany of signs that late-night cable commercials will tell you add up to depression."

    Is this really the diagnostic standard we want to embrace when talking about the health of the President of the United States? Really?

    • ShaveTheWhales

      TVSM IV.

    • HedonismBot

      We could call Bill Frist out of retirement to do a remote diagnosis?

      • horsedreamer_1

        Bill Frist, Psychiatric Cardiothoracic Surgeon, said to the deceased man's spouse, "His heart just wasn't in it".

  • MiniMencken

    Uncle Joe Stalin used to get cheered up by listening to his chief of secret police tell him in detail, with hilariously accurate mimicry, how this or that counter-revolutionary wrecker begged for mercy on the way to the execution. Barry should have a few hundred class enemies arrested tonight and then summarily shot in the basement of the RFK DoJ building over the next few months. Hear one or two stories over dinner every night with the lads. By Xmas, he would be a new man. I guarantee it.

    • Beowoof

      A capital idea so to speak.

    • Rotundo_

      The Koch bros being burned alive, some hedge fund managers drawn and quartered, the CEO and executive team of the Bank of America boiled in oil, it would make one hell of a reality teevee show and between seizing their private assets and the distribution rights and tee shirt sales it would put us into the black on the federal level within weeks. Problem solved america…

      • Pristine_ODummy

        Have I told you lately just how much I like you?

    • Pristine_ODummy

      I volunteer to take care of the top ten billionaires or the ten worst teabaggers. With nothing more than a mattock. I have one sharpened, sitting in the back.

  • Gawker's new mantra "All the Newz that Fits We Print." Stolen fair and square from the Illini Tumor, an outgrowth of the student body.

  • Beowoof

    You know when you are constantly the nigger to these right wing assholes it could get depressing. I mean how depressing is it to know you're the smartest guy in the room and yet you have to take that shit and never show your anger.

    • BlueStateLibel

      "I mean how depressing is it to know you're the smartest guy in the room and yet you have to take that shit and never show your anger. " You have summed up my life story in one sentence. Thank you.

  • littlebigdaddy

    He needs to get the gang together, down a couple of 40s, smoke some blunts, play some hoops, then do a drive-by on Boner.

  • "He said war was too important to be left to the generals. When he said that, 50 years ago, he might have been right. But today, war is too important to be left to politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids

    • Pristine_ODummy

      I can't wait for someone to sap my precious bodily fluids.


  • HistoriCat

    Maybe Barry saw the Fox clip about the paper clip and the attendant outrage. That kind of petty bullshit would be enough to make anyone depressed.

    • not that Dewey


      Now watch this drink…

      • horsedreamer_1

        This is why Bill "Mc Fly" Gates dropped out of Harvard.

  • Limeylizzie

    This makes me cry, I can believe he would be depressed with all those fucking freaks he has to deal with. Oh Hopey! I still love you.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Hearing that from you, Lizzie, would surely make Hopey much happier. Have you sent him a note on his site?

      I'll bet he'll be even happier if it includes a photo (with those double-H boobies modestly covered, of course, but still, ahem, commanding attention).

      • flamingpdog

        Come on, Pristine, even though Barry acts like a Republican a lot of the time, he's still a Democrat, so I'm sure he'd even happier if those double-Hs were not modestly covered.

        • Pristine_ODummy

          Oh, I'm sure he'd *love* it, but Michele would kick some ass — Barry's *and* Lizzie's — and I just can't put Lizzie's pulchritudinous person in the possible path of harm, you know.

      • Limeylizzie

        I have given him money!

        • Pristine_ODummy

          No amount of money could possibly compete with your pulchritude, m'dear.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    I was thinking of the perfect sports metaphor to use, and then I remembered I fucking hate sports metaphors.

  • mavenmaven

    With a large percent of the population vindicating (and throwing huge amounts of money at) a quitter, holding on through a difficult situation must seem counterproductive.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Sometimes I'm just so abjectly fucking GRATEFUL that he hasn't just said, "Meh. Let them have their Politicowhore." and walked out on us. Because, really, if he did, (1) Who would blame him? and (2) He wouldn't be depressed no moah fo sho.

  • ttommyunger

    I'll never understand why anyfuckingbody would want that job. Jeesh! The meetings, the people, the schedule, the never ending spotlight. I get depressed just thinking about it. Be strong, Barry, better you than me.

    • flamingpdog

      "There is a tragic flaw in our precious constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president." — Kurt Vonnegut

      • ttommyunger

        I'm afraid only a nut case would take it if it were thrust upon them, much less work your ass off and sell your soul to acquire it.

  • not that Dewey

    Dude needs to lay off the Joy Division. Listen to some Dee-lite or something. Groove is in the heart, Barry!

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Bootsy Collins for Secretary of Bump.

      • not that Dewey

        I pledge allegiance to the Groovement

        • horsedreamer_1

          I hate that Metro stop. Grove-ner, my ass.

  • iburl

    "Start doing some stuff his supporters would like. You know, liberal stuff! Give it a try, anyway, for once!"

    Sadly any such "stuff" (I assume this means stump speeches) will be seen by liberals as sweet lies now, since he has had almost 3 years to throw us a meaty bone, and all we got was toenails.

    • flamingpdog

      We needz less Toenails and more Captain out of Preznit Barry.

  • moseyon

    The tea party is enough to depress anyone.

  • flamingpdog

    Snark off.

    I'm not a psychiatrist, but I play one on the interturbes sometimes. I thought our President was bordering on the depressed long before the NY Times started teasing us with this story. (I even sent Joe Biden an e-mail stating that the President appeared to have generalized anxiety disorder (like me), which resulted in his conflict-adverse behavior toward the Rethugs, and I haven't been thrown in Gitmo yet.). One of our fellow Wonketeers asked yesterday, in response to a posting of the Times story, "When does the anger come, oh when?". I replied, "Better come soon because suppressed anger is one of the major sources of depression."

    It's been said here on teh Wonkette before, many times, many ways, but I feel (in order to keep from getting depressed myself) I have to say that some motherfucker has to get to the President and tell him to screw the worries about "the angry black man". I just don't think anybody is gonna hate him for getting angry that doesn't already hate him for being black and in the White House. Go on the warpath, bro, and save the taxpayers the expense of your Paxil prescription.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Or, more expensive than Paxil, rehab from a stroke. Black & a smoker, plus the job stress — it's a wonder Barry hasn't made Michelle a widow.

  • poorgradstudent

    As much as I've disagreed with Hopey, I would love to bash teabaggers with him over some Amaretto Sours.

  • joobajooba

    Is it too late for Hillary?

  • HelmutNewton

    Obama needs to take some advice from Conan the Barbarian –

  • axmxz

    He'll get a lot better once he discovers the rush of punching his bullies in the dick.

  • DahBoner

    "Barack Obama has got the depression, bad"

    Hey, if you had to play nice with a giant, orange weeping boner all day, you'd probably offed yourself by now….

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