Is there anything left to add to the dumb saga of Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston’s eternal(ly profitable) turf war over the banal story of things going in and out of Bristol Palin’s uterus? NO,  except for ONE HILARIOUS/DUMB THING, courtesy of the miserable AP reporter assigned to cull dirt from an advance copy of Levi Johnston’s soon-to-be-released contribution to the cesspool of literary diarrhea filling the “memoirs” book section: “Johnston says he and Sarah Palin were present for the birth [of Bristol and Levi's son Tripp] but she said he wasn’t there in a later interview, calling it ‘shameful.’ He also says she was adamant about not being called grandma, instead wanting to be called Mommy Sarah.” Ha ha ha, Sarah Palin would rather call herself by some creepy brothel madam-style moniker instead of being called “old.”
Oh fine, and one other stupid boring white trash detail:
Johnston says when Bristol found out her mother, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, was expecting a baby she responded she should be having a baby, not her mother. He says she told him in March 2008, “let’s get pregnant.”
And now we hope that there is a BREAK from these stupid Wasilla tales of cannibalistic fame-whoring and woe. Wouldn’t that be nice? [AP]
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"Sarah Palin Refused To Be Called ‘Grandma’ After Grandson’s Birth"
Did she at least insist on being called "Illegitimate Grandma" instead?
And she just calls little Tripp N. Fall "the little bastard".
I would tend to go with "shotgun Grandma" in this case.
"Bastard Granny" has a nice ring to it.
Levi, the skank pronger, is going to really be caught in Toddzilla's crosshairs now.
Eh, they prolly see eye-to-eye on a lot of things, vis-a-vis Sarah Palin.
What are you implying, sir?
Tag Teaming…
"Skank pronger," I love that.
I wonder if he jumps at the sound of a helicopter?
You mean his surveyor marks?
Rumour is he was pranging Sally herself, for a while. Couldn't be, huh?
Even Levi isn't *that* dumb and horny.
Oh, wait; yes, he is.
Oh, wait; no, he's not.
Oh, I'm so confused now!
You are not alone. When it comes to the WaSillyGrifter and her twatspawn, I b'leev the whole nation suffers from Teh Confoozles.
But can they show us the birf certificates?
Miz Sarah Miz Sarah! I don know nothin' bout birthin' no babies.
It's for goddamn sure nobody in that family don't know nothin' about preventin' no babies.
Mommy Dearest, more like.
Except here we clearly needed more wire hangers.
That's a completely normal teenage reaction — what girl doesn't want to be more pregnanter than her mom?
Chastity Bono?
Hitler? Sorry. I meant, "Eva Braun?"
Any of Gosslin brood?
totally OT–but to the retards with the "barry sucks" and related avatars that keep going around and following everyone:
the joke is on you. we don't like him that much either, but for different reasons.
anyway, I did my part this morning, going around to some pages just to leave a nice friendly mr furley visit, and maybe we could all do the same.
That's "the retard"; they're all our old downfisting stalker Spanky, creating new logins and obsessively visiting our profiles for some no doubt psychotic reason; you can tell because they've all used the non-word "libunatic" which even the other Breitards don't use.
ah, yeah I kinda liked the thought of 4 retards wasting their time, but instead it is just the one, wasting ALL of her time, which is kinda cool.
Too many split level personalities to keep up with.
…just when I was considering a change back to DemmeFatale!
See, I'm kind of flattered that Spanky, Biden's Barbarians and B@rr¥ §µçk§ are all following me. It means that my rapier wit is set to the right irritant level.
Oh let's not get into a debate about who is rapier. oooooh, never mind.
"my rapier wit"
Thank goodness for the letter "i".
Well, I certainly appreciated a visit from a friendly avatar. =) It may mean I'm doing something right to have Spanky v.1.1.7 visiting me daily, but it's kinda depressing to have all his/her/its avatars all over my page.
*kissey*
I kind of enjoyed telling the Barry fundraiser who called me last night to go put the arm on the Republicans he's been pandering to. He laughed and didn't bother pressing his point.
Does the book come with crayons, or are they extra?
When, oh when, will Caribou Barbie and her clan of hangers-on, has-beens, and never-weres go away?
Whenever it is, it won't be soon enough.
Never until we are dead.
Somewhat O/T: Well, having seen the whole birth video in fifth grade, I got myself fixed. But, if I hadn't, I would kill my impregnator and my mother if that's what it took to prevent them from seeing my junk do that.
Yeah, I never could understand how the nice ladypeople put themselves through that, trying to pass something the size of a watermelon through an aperture that looks to me to be the size of a dime, at best.
Good on ya. (Squirmishes)
You and Helen Mirren!
Wait, so what does the G in GILF stand for?
Grifter
Watch it!
Gunt.
god! not again!
Gover…
I've got the G figured out, it's the ILF I disagree with.
GILK just doesn't have the same ring.
Oh, I dunno. Sounds pretty satisfying to *me.*
Delusions of Grandeur
Grendel
Mommy Sarah: isn't that David Vitter's favorite escort?
No, David was careful to find someone with the same name as his wife, Wendy. Remember her? Wendy Vitter. Back when ol' Bill was sticking his thang where it shouldn't oughta bin stucked, Wendy was dismissing Hillary Clinton with all kinds of rude remarks about cutting her husband's dick off. Apparently, she didn't live up to her sworn word. I wonder if Hillary sent her a sympathy card?
Depends.
Is it too late to give Alaska back to Russia?
I can see that.
I can see Vladi putting Sarah in ponygirl bondage gear.
Sarah, if you don't want to be called "Grandma" at age 46 or whatever, teach your daughters a little bit better about pregnancy-prevention techniques and products.
Needs more chastity belts.
Yeah, you don't see Chastity Bono getting pregnant, do you! (shamelessly stolen from Horsedreamer_1 above)
But it's God's plan…
You'd think God would have a "Plan B"….
(kisses Tommmcattt on both cheeks)
God is pro-anal sex?
If the snowbillies are like the southern rednecks, 46 would be old to be a grandmother for the first time.
Considering both Sarah and her mother had shotgun weddings, it might be something genetic with this bunch.
Be that as it may… I'm told Bristol and Sarah's pet name they call each other is "Mother-Sister."
I thought that would be a Dune reference, what with $arah having mastered the "Screech of Death" voice and all.
i thought this was going to be a sly 'chinatown' reference.
Oops.
SHE'S MY SISTER AND MY DAUGHTER
Please don't let this link to a Chinatown clip. I need to watch it again, have only seen it once a long time ago, & no recollection what fulflans refers to. Do the right thing, peeps, and avoid spoiling it for me~!~
In that case, don't clicky.
myself, meaning: true, I can't view youtubez from here at work.. but just knowing you posted it and the wording you chose for the link.. I'm gonna have to suspend my suspense…
She's not a grandmother if Bristol is not her daughter. Maternity test!
Yeah, but the other Baby Palins aren't far behind. They are one fertile bunch.
I hear they didn't videotape the birth. I bet they have lots of film of the conception though.
Is that the movie where Brita's filter breaks?
To Sarah, being called "grandma" must mean that all that botox and hair dye and those silicone boobs would go to waste.
And diet pills.
Johnston says when Bristol found out her mother, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, was expecting a baby she responded she should be having a baby, not her mother. He says she told him in March 2008, “let’s get pregnant.”
Sing it, sister! What would the Aleut girls up at the Wasilla Wal-Mart say if you let your momma be the only whale belly in the family?
Is this about the same time Todd started banging the help, trying to have his own baby?
Abstinence brand maternity wear. Red State approved.
But…um…I thought she was raped after too many wine-coolers!1!
Memoir wars!!!
Bring it!!
Don't blame the Aleuts for Wasilla or the Palins, even though Todd apparently does have a drop of Native blood in his veins.
Sarah Palin skewered Johnston in her book "America by Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith, and Flag," writing that it was "disgusting" to watch him exploit his sudden fame after she was chosen as U.S. Sen. John McCain's running mate in the 2008 presidential election.
Wow. Pot, kettle much?
He musta been bangin' hella chicks…
She's just pissed off her daughter's sperm donor was just barely hot enough to get his nearly naked noogies into a skin mag. Todd has a hard time getting his photos into Drunk Fishing Quarterly.
Even better is a 46 year old fighting publicly with a teenager.
"Even better is a 46 year old fighting publicly with a teenager."
You say that as if it's undignified, perhaps even un-presidential!
"writing that it was "disgusting" to watch him exploit his sudden fame"
Translation: Once Levi got out of a craphole like Wasilla and got a little bit famous, even second or third hand famous, he realized he could do better than Bristle, and that pissed Sarah off.
Sarah must of forced the retarding HVP vaccination on her children while she was governor also too.
"Mommy Sarah." Because like the rest of the world, they're not really sure who are the real parents of all those little rugrats they were popping out in those heady days.
Does Duh Guv'Nor guzzle wine coolers in a tent?
You betcha!
All of them, Katie?
It's a grifter event horizon. We'll never be free of it, Captain.
Set the controls to self-destruct.
Reagan did that already.
Needs more dilithium crystals.
Has Garry Trudeau gotten his advance copy of "Deer in the Headlice" yet so the Chicago Tribune can ban his strip again?
Levi lies – "Grandma" dies!
Levi's book will not bring Borders back…
But it will bring sexy back.
Mommy Sarah? Why not? Todd does.
From what we know, Mommy Todd would be more appropriate.
Shouldn't his name be "Camping Tripp?"
Ford Van…
Down by the river…
Camper Van.
"Take the Pinheads Bowling"
Slightly OT, but today's Doonesbury was a little surprising, even by Lou Sarah standards. I guess she fired all the browns and blacks from her campaign, because she was not "comfortable" around them.
There's diversity, and then there's "diversity", if you catch my drift.
Well, they say she has fifty-seven different words for "white".
Not OT at all. And it was shocking and just one more reason why she has no fucking intention of running.
Shit, that TardTwat refers to Inuit as "snow n******," of COURSE she's not comfortable around anything that isn't a pasty shade of white. And then, of course, she ends up marrying Toad, who is part-Inuit, and her daughter now has a baby by Levi Johnston, who is half-Messican. Lurvly. Wonder how she'll feel when the White Aryan Party shows her the door anaconda all her culludness.
Bristol vying with her mom over who's actually going to have a baby? Sounds like Leah and Rachel. Did Levy get to screw the maid too?
Creating an endless stream of publications most suited for shredding as kitty litter is Palin's JOBS program.
How about "Quitter Mommy?"
Also:
"Ha ha ha, Sarah Palin would rather call herself by some creepy brothel madam-style moniker instead of being called “old.”
According to careful research conducted in Sam's Club parking lots and Stuckey's bathrooms across this fair nation, the mean age of a white-trash granny is, like, 32. Just sayin'.
And they sell some damn fine peanut brittle too!
Sarah Palin skewered Johnston
Kinky. Was she using a Hello Kitty model strap-on?
~
Who's Paylin Nailin?
We are seeing the beginnings of Alaska's very own “Hatfields v McCoys” shindig.
That state ain’t big enough for the both of ’em.
oh good she's back.
i was getting sick of michele stories.
If we can't call her grandma, can we call her "the sweet moosevestite from mooseylvania?"
Frank N Furter was cuter.
Shouldn't that be "sweet moseevestite from moosesexual, moosesylvania"?
How about Dumb Cunt? We can still call her that though can't we?
(Edit): Give credit to Mz.Baconz jr (my intern) for that snark.
Snowbilly should demand to be called "Baby Doll", which is what my sister-in-law (who has been a grandma since she was 38) in AR (natch) demands her granddaughter call her. She even has a license plate (one of those with the font that you see on state fair t-shirts) proclaiming that to the world. Rednecks continue to act like rednecks.
I've run into the same thing myself. The grandma chooses some arbitrary name, which the grandkids use, and then you have no idea who the hell the grandkids are talking about.
It's all cutesy until the kid hits 1st or 2nd grade & realizes no one else calls their grandmother 'Baby Doll'. If I were the grandchild & knowing this wacko family the way I do, I'd rather be from the family that has 2 mommies than the one where she has to call her grandmother 'Baby Doll'.
My wife wanted "Goddess", but I've always called her that. Or was that "Oh God YESSSSS"
It's been a while.
Seriously? That sounds like a character from a wannabe Faulkner book.
"Gramma Baby Doll and her common law husband sat around a niggardly fire. "You know Baby Doll…hay and wood ken burn".
I thought down south she would have to call her Miss Baby Doll.
My mother-in-law went for the Yiddish Safta and Saba thing, but thought Safta sounded too much like Zaftig (meaning pleasantly plump) so she changed it to "Safi."
This confused the hell out of little old Jewish ladies!
But "Baby Doll" sounds like a Tennessee Williams nightmare!
Mama Twat?
Twatma!
Is that a tundra fatwa?
Twatma Gandhi. It's a combo of how I feel about her and how she feels about herself.
He says she told him in March 2008, “let’s get pregnant.”
Bristol was terribly upset, though, when she ended up pregnant and Levi didn't. "I thought we were in this together!" she cried. When Levi tried to explain that men didn't get pregnant, she interrupted, "Nonsense! I've seen Todd in maternity clothes bunches of times."
"Mommy Sarah?" So Sarah really was the knocked-up one after all? By Levi?
is that sarah on the cover as she really looks, without the frikken bangs & stuff ?
bristol sounds every bit as charming as her mother: entitled, demanding, self-centered, ignorant, shrill.
rock on wasilla.
I'm buying that book so I can take that picture to my friends work, scan it into PosterShop, print the biggest poster I can on his Roland VersaArt RS Printer, then mount it on foam-core after laminating it. That fucking photo is AWSOME and I want to wall paper my entire house (inside and out) with it!
American Retardationalism
Are we sure she knows what "Grandma" means, and didn't just assume it meant "white trash meth head having a child and grandchild at the same time?"
Ok…dumb question, but exactly who didn't she want calling her "Grandma" if the kid couldn't talk yet?
"Don't call me grandma, call me Old-Vain-Witch instead." This is surpisingly common. But what a bunch of screwed-up people.
Does anyone but me wake up in a cold sweat after having a nightmare that McCain and Palin won the election?
This is no nightmare: They received 56 million votes, 46% of the electorate. Sleep on that, if you can.
Forget quitter.
Granny granny Palin!!
This is so hillbilly Peyton Place that it's the first statement ever to shake my faith as a Trig Truther.
Guess who else wanted to quit what she/he is?
Governor Sarah Palin?
Chaz Bono?
Jack Twist?
Ummm … Hitler?
Leni Riefenstahl said so in her book, at any rate.
Christine O'Donnell?
Eva Braun?
Still no cock shot, right?
How about "griftmother"?
WIN
Keeping up with the Dirtbaggians.
Now, I know why Dr. Dre had to change the name of his music publishing company: the Mat-Su Valley made an eminent domain claim.
I'd just like to point out that I really don't give a flying fuck about who is knocking up whom and how fucked up any particular family is. It's when they insist that the rest of the country live the same way by pushing a sex education agenda that all but encourages teen pregnancy that I draw the line.
If they insist on being held up as the standard towards which we must all strive, by law, then they're fair game.
As for that last bit about Bristol getting knocked up out of jealousy of her mother, it suggests that Bristol knew far more about birth control than Sarah did. I would totally believe that.
Poor Tripp…
Fair enough, but only if Tripper also calls Levi "Daddy Bartles & Jaymes."
Is it me, or was there ever a time when the biography/autobiography shelves were filled with great people who had an enormous
affecteffect on the human species?fixed
I'm real tired of these people tarnishing the image of fine upstanding white trash like myself.
I don't know what they said at the birth, but I DO know what they said at the conception.
DON'T LOOK AT THE CAMERA!
All of this could have been avoided if they had gone for the "money shot".
What's the big deal? Mommy Sarah, Aunt Jemima, Mrs. Butterworth? All icons of American commercial might. The Mommy Sarah Playset comes with glittering AlmostMine wardrobe (must be returned within 30 days), pretend play pig with FunStik gloss, and ScreechSpeech EarSatz FolksyPrompter with 20 gibbering phrases in the voice of Lou Sarah! Tripp sold separately.
If you think she gets pissed off being called "Grandma," wait till you see her react to being addressed as "fishwife."
Dear Quitter Grandmother –
Shame on you that you cannot be proud of the fact that you are a grandmother.
Shame!
proudgrampa
I just want to point out that you STILL haven't told us what a "come cup" is.
My Sainted Grandmother had the Palin's nailed.
If the Southern Baptist Church elevated people to sainthood, my Sainted Grandmother would be one. She was a gentle, genteel lady whose life focused on her family and home — and fishing with a cane pole in a farm pond. I never heard her raise her voice, never heard her complain.
However, on a couple of occasions, I heard her refer to certain people in the community: "Well, I didn't expect much else from them. And forgive me for saying this, but, they're just trash. White trash."
"bless their heart."
Yep, I've known ladies like that.
My grandmother, who was a Primitive Baptist, simply would have ignored the bitch into non-existence.
Different doctrine.
Palin Motto — "Why don't we get drunk and screw?"
uh oh, I'm ganna hafta quit using that one.
Who doesn't love Illiterary feuds?
I think 'Granny Cunt' would do just fine.
Love the cheeky self-parody of the book cover. Makes him a little bit winning and lovable. If you're a pudgy brain dead high school drop out, that is.
I thought this tribes 15 minutes were up some time ago. Who is going to buy these books anyhow? The true believers will still wait for her to run, the reality based will move on to the next train wreck to watch. Todays blurb in Doonesbury where she sacked all the brown folks after using them to get elected may have surprised someone out there, but it sure as hell wasn't me. As for Brisdull wanting to keep up with the Joneses so to speak, why is it surprising that any of this womans children would get knocked up just to out-mommy mommy? If someone told me she had a close relationship with a poor inuit family and was paying their sons way through college I would be shocked, but this shit, no surprise at all.
Isn't Levi the guy who has trouble buttoning his fly in chapter 501 of the Book of Ludicrous.
Most white trash kids wound up living with and being raised by their maternal grandparents anyway. Palin should just settle for "Mee-Maw".
Remember Granny? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1a86AdMdUo
Will these vile white trash swine never go away? As they roll around in their own semi-frozen sewage and spew out babies and neanderthal level "books", we the innocent bystanders are bombarded by endless reportage of their cretinous antics. Please make it stop!
When Rick Perry appoints her to be Secretary of State, in a brilliant parallel move to Obama's pulling Hillary into the tent a la that book about Lincoln's strategy to keep his competitive politicians very close to him, all the nations of the world will be calling her Grand Mere Ambassador!
only librul traytorz are called "grandma"
There's a Squidbillies joke in here somewhere, but I'll be damned if I'm going to look for it.
You denigrate our fine North Georgia Squidbillies, Sir or Ma'am! I demand a retraction!
I do declare, Sir! I don't know about you GunToting[Redacted], but I'd do what this man says, 'cause it sounds like he's fixin' to formally challenge you to a Jawgian's gentlemans' duel.
Well, actually, I'm more into back-shooting; safer for me, ya know.
Cow's twat.
I'm confused. I thought Levi's new book was "Who Has What? All About Girls' Bodies And Boys' Bodies."
the irony is, these tards are arguing over content of books they didn't write.
which is more books than they have ever read.
sqirmishy
"advance copy of Levi Johnston’s soon-to-be-released"
What?? Excerpts from a book that is not yet on the market, and is therefore unavailable for review or verification?
Oh, wait. This isn't the Tribune, it's Wonkette. Nobody here gives a crap how many stories are out there that make Silly Sarah look like the horse's ass that she is.
Carry on.
"she was adamant about not being called grandma, instead wanting to be called Mommy Sarah.” Ha ha ha, Sarah Palin would rather call herself by some creepy brothel madam-style moniker instead of being called “old.”"
Well, strictly speaking, women in that neck of the woods generally become grandmothers somewhere around age 26, which can't really be considered "old".
How about her Inuit Name: "Cunt Like Horse Collar"?
Or her (possible) Canadian name: "putain de grandmama"?
wurkz fer me!
Kirsten, you bring me joy.
It is something short of shocking that she didn't request her grandbastard call her Mamma Lou, or LouSarah.
Grandma got run over by a reindeer… if only.
My fault — I assumed that was one of our staple tropes that was safe to use without spoiler alerts. But you'd better hurry up and order it from Netflix, just to be sure.
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