FLOTUS FILES  3:37 pm September 12, 2011

Michelle Obama Plays Fancy Tennis Sport For Obese Children

by Blair Burke

That's MRS. Flotus to you...Our FLOTUS has decided to get back to “business,” which means she is once again shoving things like fitness and exercise down the throats of America’s children, in between all the nachos and gravy that are already down there. Last Friday, Michelle Obama went to something called the “SmashZone” during the elitist tennis party known as The US Open to talk about tennis and smashing things, which just goes to show how dangerous this Let’s Move! thing is for our country and our delicate (and obese) children. Our FLOTUS spent some time talking about her love of tennis, before playing the sport with actual professional tennis players. We are guessing she managed to beat them all by distracting them with her FLOTUS charm, obviously.

Michelle Obama spoke to children at the USTA Let’s Move! event, explaining that tennis is a great sport because even if you live in a poor neighborhood, without tennis courts, you can learn to play the sport once you graduate from law school.

During a visit to New York on Friday to promote her “Let’s Move” anti-obesity program at the U.S. Open, Mrs. Obama talked about how she came to love the game, even though there were not a lot of tennis courts in Chicago’s South Shore neighborhood where she was raised.

Said Mrs. Obama, “Now, I’m probably like the average kid. I didn’t — I grew up in the city, on the south side. And there were not a lot of tennis courts around. So I really didn’t get exposure to the sport until after law school, when I just sort of picked it up and started playing with some friends. And it’s the kind of sport that you just develop a passion for. And I’m not really good or anything like that — that’s the beauty of tennis. You don’t have to be good to enjoy it, because I love the game and my skills are very questionable.”

Whether or not she is any good at the game, she sure looks fierce, waving that tennis racquet around! She could probably take Barry to school any day of the week. [Chicago Sun-Times]

 
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{ 89 comments }

MrFizzy September 12, 2011 at 3:41 pm

You mean it's possible to get up and do something? Why didn't you mention this before I weighed 450 lbs?

DahBoner September 12, 2011 at 7:02 pm

"You mean it's possible to get up and do something?"

Yes.

Get up and put on another can of hobo beans…

Buzz Feedback September 12, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Dear Mrs. O: Please backhand Serena. Yours very truly, Buzz

Radiotherapy® September 12, 2011 at 4:08 pm

You know Buzz, I am going to defend Serena a bit here. She's in the top 5 female tennis players of all time. She's fashionable and mostly very personable. She is getting assailed for her on court verbal tirade over a questionable call. Meh, heat of the battle type of stuff. So fine her. But, I hardly think we can be overly critical when sitting in the booth commenting on her is one, John McEnroe, who was simply a irascible, incessant,petulant brat on the court and did not have as much success as she has.
Although a backhand from Mrs. O wouldn't hurt.

baconzgood September 12, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Allow me to play devils advocate….(sounds of pin-ball machine)…now where was I?… Say what you will about Angry John, however unacceptable his behavior was you have to hand it to him, he was right about the call like 90% of the time.

SorosBot September 12, 2011 at 4:18 pm

I don't know, comparing the way the sports media reacted to Serena's single outburst, compared to to the way they cover similar actions by other athletes like McEnroe, I think it was more like, "say what you will about Angry John, he has a penis and so is entitled to act like that".

Negropolis September 13, 2011 at 12:39 am

I don't know. Serena has a pattern of doing this, which in-and-of itself isn't unforgivable. The problem comes when they ask her about this outbursts and she quite literally acts like they never happened. Not "oh, you know, sometimes my anger gets the best of me." She actually doesn't even acknowledge that the outbursts happen. That is so immature.

I wish she would act up when she's winning, because the outbursts usually come when she realizes she's being spectacularly outplayed. It's like the nail in the coffin of sore loserdom. I love her, but this is an unattractive part of her personality, and it's a very ugly side to someone with that much natural talent.

Venus is a whole other story. Woman's classy to a fault.

baconzgood September 12, 2011 at 3:43 pm

"If you ever see me walking down the hall, look the other way, because you're out of control. You're out of control. You're totally out of control, you're a hater, and you're unattractive inside. Who would do such a thing? And I never complain. Wow. What a loser… We're in America last I checked. Can I get a water, or am I gonna get violated for a water? Really, don't even look at me! I promise you, don't look at me, 'cause I am not the one. Don't look my way."

-FLOTUS talking to Rush Limburger-

Radiotherapy® September 12, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Wait'll Russ hears she does Tampax commercials….Oh wait, that's Serena.

DaRooster September 12, 2011 at 4:05 pm

I would love to watch Serena beat the shit out of Limpballs.

baconzgood September 12, 2011 at 4:07 pm

She could. I call Serena "Booty" Williams, cause she's got sooooome juuuuunk in THAT truuuunk! MEEEEEEOOOOOOW!!!

DaRooster September 12, 2011 at 4:12 pm

I'm with ya!
GGRRRRRR!!!

Negropolis September 13, 2011 at 12:42 am

If you see me walking down the street, and I start to cry, suddenly…

SoBeach September 12, 2011 at 3:45 pm

This'll be good for a solid week of gibbering rants and wheezing guffaws from fitness guru Rush Limbaugh.

Barb September 12, 2011 at 3:46 pm

When Marcus is FLOTUS I am sure he is going to be a patron of all the games where fuzzy balls come flying at your face like that.

Radiotherapy® September 12, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Game, set, match, championship. I just love that comment.

Barb September 12, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Thanks friend.

Lascauxcaveman September 12, 2011 at 3:56 pm

I think we're gonna start calling you Bullseye Barb.

Barb September 12, 2011 at 3:59 pm

You're so sweet, thanks!

Fare la Volpe September 12, 2011 at 4:01 pm

It's Marcus' dream for Greek-style gymnasiums in every school and city across this great land.

MLHencken September 12, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Don't forget the Turkish baths!

Fare la Volpe September 12, 2011 at 4:03 pm

And gladiator movies.

Eve8Apples September 12, 2011 at 3:46 pm

completely off topic…Will there be live blogging of the tea party festival tonight? If so, I have to leave work early to pick up my prescription pain medication and a bottle of gin.

elviouslyqueer September 12, 2011 at 3:52 pm

You're gonna need more gin.

Radiotherapy® September 12, 2011 at 4:28 pm

And Percocets.

V572 T-Blow September 12, 2011 at 4:35 pm

We'll do it impromptu if our Wonkette Overlords don't sponsor it. Gilbey's and Gordon's are indistinguishable, but I think it was Lascauxcaveman who said Fleischmann's is even better and cheaper.

ifthethunderdontgetya September 12, 2011 at 3:46 pm

And of course, you can always play tennis on the computer or tv.

While eating your Cheetos and your anus burgers and your corn syrup beverages, For Freedoms™.
~

DaRooster September 12, 2011 at 4:06 pm

I loves me some Pong.

PubOption September 12, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Tennis? Proper food? We don't want this elitist nonsense.

genxr September 12, 2011 at 3:48 pm

She spent $80 million of tax money playing tennis, and used the entire 6th fleet to carry her gym bag! It's an outrage!

Barb September 12, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Palin is going to be furious over this. She doesn't want Michelle Obama telling us what to do, she wants to tell us what to do.

MLHencken September 12, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Joe McGinnis' book drops in 8 days. I think she is saving up her haterade.

Barb September 12, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Thanks for the reminder. Levi's book comes out on the same day. Do I really want to read Levi's book? Nah. I think I will download it on Kindle anyway just so that there is a slight chance that it outsells Brisdull's book and pisses her off.

SorosBot September 12, 2011 at 4:24 pm

She may just be celebrating this weekend, because The Undefeated is no longer the only movie of 2011 with a perfect 0 on Rottentomatoes thanks to Bucky Larson: Born To Be a Star.

Barb September 12, 2011 at 4:28 pm

I've noticed that Grandma Grizzly still hasn't acknowledged that her son spawned a baby with the Britta. I'm hoping that congress passes a law that when this family coughs another kid out of their baby chutes they have to tint the incubator glass so that we don't have to see this circus freak show.

SorosBot September 12, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Michelle likes tennis? Great, the wingnuts will use this to try and call her a lesbian.

Fare la Volpe September 12, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Tennis, not softball.

SorosBot September 12, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Yes, tennis; the sport once dominated by Billy Jean King, later by Martina Navratilova.

poncho_pilot September 12, 2011 at 4:23 pm

wait…i thought it was lacrosse…???

Lascauxcaveman September 12, 2011 at 4:09 pm

[/attempts to stop self from dreaming up scenes of a Michelle O/Maria Sharapova porno]

Negropolis September 13, 2011 at 12:44 am

They already call her transexual, so it's not that far of a leap.

Pragmatist2 September 12, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Elitism Scale- Court Sport Edition:
Squash – Rich Republicans and closetDemocrats
Tennis- Rich Democrats and Upper Middle Class Republicans
Badminton- Upper Middle Class Democrats and Middle Class Republicans
Four Square – Middle Class Democrats and both poor Republicans
Horseshoes – Tea Party

Eve8Apples September 12, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Horseshoes requires too much physical activity for the average teabagger. I think they're into muddin' and lawn mower races.

Tundra Grifter September 12, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Not to mention with horseshoes there are ALL those damn rules! Who can master such a complex game? It's practically chess with big ole iron pieces. That you have to heave at a stick…

Biel_ze_Bubba September 12, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Those who can haul themselves out of their scooters might be up to a bit of shuffleboard, but that's about it.

elviouslyqueer September 12, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Oh please. The Tea Party hasn't evolved past Tiddlywinks or Candyland. Hell, Sorry! would be a challenge for them.

DaRooster September 12, 2011 at 4:08 pm

They would never get UNO… it's a language barrier thing.

Fare la Volpe September 12, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Teabaggers still whack a hoop with a stick down a dirt road.

BornInATrailer September 12, 2011 at 4:23 pm

*has hossshoes
*is now sad

baconzgood September 12, 2011 at 3:53 pm

The reason I like tennis so much (and I do like it) is if you don't feel like running for the ball you don't have to. You just REACH as it passes you and go "UUHHPH. Nice shot."

MLHencken September 12, 2011 at 4:04 pm

"Hey, great game, I'm gonna go get a beer, what are you going to do?"

"Oh, I think I am going to go suck some guy's dick."

Negropolis September 13, 2011 at 12:45 am

Wha? lol

MLHencken September 13, 2011 at 9:28 am

It's an old Eddie Murphy bit from his stand up act.

SayItWithWookies September 12, 2011 at 3:55 pm

I think it's time for Michelle to encourage the kids to get into beach volleyball.

Lascauxcaveman September 12, 2011 at 4:13 pm

[/attempts to stop self from dreaming up scenes of a Michelle O/Kari Walsh porno]

GregComlish September 12, 2011 at 4:33 pm

too soon

Muriel Lenore September 13, 2011 at 12:31 am

That won't work in land locked Texas.

Goonemeritus September 12, 2011 at 3:55 pm

I hope she doesn’t distract attention from my bring Polo to the Poor program. It’s hard enough finding disadvantaged inner-city youth that will commit to buying and boarding a string of ponies as it is.

x111e7thst September 12, 2011 at 3:59 pm

That is why Polocrosse which can be played even by people who can only afford a single pony is a much better sport for the hoi polloi. http://www.americanpolocrosse.org/

twaingirl September 12, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Or even bike polo. Most bike polo leagues have loaner bikes and local bike co-ops offer earn-a-bike or adopt-a-bike programs.

KeepFnThatChicken September 12, 2011 at 4:05 pm

But the lulz really hit a crescendo when the scorekeepers throw a bunch of rubber snakes onto the playing field.

chicken_thief September 12, 2011 at 3:58 pm

That's a bullshit excuse, dear FLOTUS. Just cause the sooshulist government didn't give you a tennis court in your neighborhood doesn't mean that yer ma couldn't have taken you over to one of the houses that she cleaned and let you play there. When they were on vacation, of course. I mean, not with the white kids or nothing like that.

Besides, negroes play basketball. Sheesh.

baconzgood September 12, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Offensive, demeaning, and angry. This my friend is an excellent snark. KUDOS!

Chet Kincaid September 12, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Not that you care, but her mother was a secretary.

V572 T-Blow September 12, 2011 at 4:37 pm

You're saying Michelle didn't have rich white grandparents to send her to the best schools? All the more reason to admire her. Plus, she's hawtt.

MLHencken September 12, 2011 at 4:00 pm

She ain't no glamour girl, she's FIERCE.

DahBoner September 12, 2011 at 7:01 pm

Her thighs could crack your skull!

MLHencken September 12, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Video of her court play, with audible lady grunting, or GTFO.

KeepFnThatChicken September 12, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Why can't Mrs. Obama talk about more team sports? You know… the kind you sit on the couch and watch?

vulpes82 September 12, 2011 at 4:12 pm

I know! Doesn't she realized we outsourced all of this "sports" stuff years ago to Teh Brownz? We've got Hispanics for baseball, African Americans for football and basketball, and the heathen Canucks for hockey.

KeepFnThatChicken September 12, 2011 at 4:20 pm

And the whites play 401k-management-ball

NorthStarSpanx September 12, 2011 at 4:12 pm

I manage a baseball team.

Little League?

Fantasy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucxgshnWtO8

Fare la Volpe September 12, 2011 at 4:09 pm

That is the classiest sports cardigan I've ever seen. Goddamn, diva.

NorthStarSpanx September 12, 2011 at 4:09 pm

You mean she wasn't some [washed-up/never-was] High School basketball point-guard that essentially locked up her qualifications for Vice President of this great country?

El Pinche September 12, 2011 at 4:12 pm

New gravatar material:
http://tinyurl.com/42qhmhj

poncho_pilot September 12, 2011 at 4:25 pm

i feel like i'm in Thunderdome.

SorosBot September 12, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Come on, can't you get beyond Thunderdome?

poncho_pilot September 12, 2011 at 5:00 pm

possibly. but i can't get beyond the years when Tina Turner was still hot.

SoBeach September 12, 2011 at 4:46 pm

The earrings, the coif, the manicure, the gillion dollar fashion warm-up jacket, the fierce "plenty more where THAT came from!" expression…you can actually HEAR wingnut testicles shriveling across the country.

FakaktaSouth September 12, 2011 at 4:30 pm

I suck at tennis (which is good because I also hate the bitches who play it all the time around here) but I love wearing inappropriately short skirts and my biceps are burning today from working out, with much inspiration from Michelle O's bad ass guns. I think this is much better than the pill head beer-billionairess I would have tried to be if McCain had won.
Well, maybe.

Negropolis September 13, 2011 at 12:49 am

but I love wearing inappropriately short skirts

And, really, isn't this what modern lady's tennis is all about?

FakaktaSouth September 13, 2011 at 10:05 am

It is at my house. That, and paying a couple grand to get to scream at some idiot line judge that if Serena wanted to, she could make sausage of. (dangling participle and all)

Negropolis September 13, 2011 at 11:05 pm

Dangling participles are the best kind of participles.

HistoriCat September 12, 2011 at 4:43 pm

A picture of Michelle Obama playing tennis and she's wearing slacks??? I am so disappointed.

DahBoner September 12, 2011 at 6:59 pm

Is Hillary or Marcus Bachmann coaching her?

DahBoner September 12, 2011 at 6:59 pm

If only the U.S. would "OPEN" up about this Fancy Tennis Sport For Obese Children…

valgal2342 September 12, 2011 at 10:19 pm

Must have been a bit chili out there on the courts, nips are hard.
My total apologies, FLOTUS, I luvs ya, just sayin' you wear it well.

Negropolis September 13, 2011 at 12:33 am

You don’t have to be good to enjoy it, because I love the game and my skills are very questionable.”

I love her word choice at the end. It sounds so quintessentially Obama family.

baconzgood September 13, 2011 at 8:43 am

Yeah. Venus is a classy broad.

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