flotus files

Michelle Obama Plays Fancy Tennis Sport For Obese Children

That's MRS. Flotus to you...Our FLOTUS has decided to get back to “business,” which means she is once again shoving things like fitness and exercise down the throats of America’s children, in between all the nachos and gravy that are already down there. Last Friday, Michelle Obama went to something called the “SmashZone” during the elitist tennis party known as The US Open to talk about tennis and smashing things, which just goes to show how dangerous this Let’s Move! thing is for our country and our delicate (and obese) children. Our FLOTUS spent some time talking about her love of tennis, before playing the sport with actual professional tennis players. We are guessing she managed to beat them all by distracting them with her FLOTUS charm, obviously.

Michelle Obama spoke to children at the USTA Let’s Move! event, explaining that tennis is a great sport because even if you live in a poor neighborhood, without tennis courts, you can learn to play the sport once you graduate from law school.

During a visit to New York on Friday to promote her “Let’s Move” anti-obesity program at the U.S. Open, Mrs. Obama talked about how she came to love the game, even though there were not a lot of tennis courts in Chicago’s South Shore neighborhood where she was raised.

Said Mrs. Obama, “Now, I’m probably like the average kid. I didn’t — I grew up in the city, on the south side. And there were not a lot of tennis courts around. So I really didn’t get exposure to the sport until after law school, when I just sort of picked it up and started playing with some friends. And it’s the kind of sport that you just develop a passion for. And I’m not really good or anything like that — that’s the beauty of tennis. You don’t have to be good to enjoy it, because I love the game and my skills are very questionable.”

Whether or not she is any good at the game, she sure looks fierce, waving that tennis racquet around! She could probably take Barry to school any day of the week. [Chicago Sun-Times]

About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

View all articles by Blair Burke

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  • MrFizzy

    You mean it's possible to get up and do something? Why didn't you mention this before I weighed 450 lbs?

    • DahBoner

      "You mean it's possible to get up and do something?"

      Yes.

      Get up and put on another can of hobo beans…

  • Buzz Feedback

    Dear Mrs. O: Please backhand Serena. Yours very truly, Buzz

    • Radiotherapy®

      You know Buzz, I am going to defend Serena a bit here. She's in the top 5 female tennis players of all time. She's fashionable and mostly very personable. She is getting assailed for her on court verbal tirade over a questionable call. Meh, heat of the battle type of stuff. So fine her. But, I hardly think we can be overly critical when sitting in the booth commenting on her is one, John McEnroe, who was simply a irascible, incessant,petulant brat on the court and did not have as much success as she has.
      Although a backhand from Mrs. O wouldn't hurt.

      • baconzgood

        Allow me to play devils advocate….(sounds of pin-ball machine)…now where was I?… Say what you will about Angry John, however unacceptable his behavior was you have to hand it to him, he was right about the call like 90% of the time.

        • SorosBot

          I don't know, comparing the way the sports media reacted to Serena's single outburst, compared to to the way they cover similar actions by other athletes like McEnroe, I think it was more like, "say what you will about Angry John, he has a penis and so is entitled to act like that".

          • Negropolis

            I don't know. Serena has a pattern of doing this, which in-and-of itself isn't unforgivable. The problem comes when they ask her about this outbursts and she quite literally acts like they never happened. Not "oh, you know, sometimes my anger gets the best of me." She actually doesn't even acknowledge that the outbursts happen. That is so immature.

            I wish she would act up when she's winning, because the outbursts usually come when she realizes she's being spectacularly outplayed. It's like the nail in the coffin of sore loserdom. I love her, but this is an unattractive part of her personality, and it's a very ugly side to someone with that much natural talent.

            Venus is a whole other story. Woman's classy to a fault.

          • baconzgood

            Yeah. Venus is a classy broad.

  • baconzgood

    "If you ever see me walking down the hall, look the other way, because you're out of control. You're out of control. You're totally out of control, you're a hater, and you're unattractive inside. Who would do such a thing? And I never complain. Wow. What a loser… We're in America last I checked. Can I get a water, or am I gonna get violated for a water? Really, don't even look at me! I promise you, don't look at me, 'cause I am not the one. Don't look my way."

    -FLOTUS talking to Rush Limburger-

    • Radiotherapy®

      Wait'll Russ hears she does Tampax commercials….Oh wait, that's Serena.

      • DaRooster

        I would love to watch Serena beat the shit out of Limpballs.

        • baconzgood

          She could. I call Serena "Booty" Williams, cause she's got sooooome juuuuunk in THAT truuuunk! MEEEEEEOOOOOOW!!!

          • DaRooster

            I'm with ya!
            GGRRRRRR!!!

    • Negropolis

      If you see me walking down the street, and I start to cry, suddenly…

  • SoBeach

    This'll be good for a solid week of gibbering rants and wheezing guffaws from fitness guru Rush Limbaugh.

  • Barb

    When Marcus is FLOTUS I am sure he is going to be a patron of all the games where fuzzy balls come flying at your face like that.

    • Radiotherapy®

      Game, set, match, championship. I just love that comment.

      • Barb

        Thanks friend.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I think we're gonna start calling you Bullseye Barb.

      • Barb

        You're so sweet, thanks!

    • Fare la Volpe

      It's Marcus' dream for Greek-style gymnasiums in every school and city across this great land.

      • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

        Don't forget the Turkish baths!

        • Fare la Volpe

          And gladiator movies.

  • Eve8Apples

    completely off topic…Will there be live blogging of the tea party festival tonight? If so, I have to leave work early to pick up my prescription pain medication and a bottle of gin.

    • elviouslyqueer

      You're gonna need more gin.

      • Radiotherapy®

        And Percocets.

    • V572 T-Blow

      We'll do it impromptu if our Wonkette Overlords don't sponsor it. Gilbey's and Gordon's are indistinguishable, but I think it was Lascauxcaveman who said Fleischmann's is even better and cheaper.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    And of course, you can always play tennis on the computer or tv.

    While eating your Cheetos and your anus burgers and your corn syrup beverages, For Freedoms™.
    ~

    • DaRooster

      I loves me some Pong.

  • PubOption

    Tennis? Proper food? We don't want this elitist nonsense.

  • genxr

    She spent $80 million of tax money playing tennis, and used the entire 6th fleet to carry her gym bag! It's an outrage!

  • Barb

    Palin is going to be furious over this. She doesn't want Michelle Obama telling us what to do, she wants to tell us what to do.

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      Joe McGinnis' book drops in 8 days. I think she is saving up her haterade.

      • Barb

        Thanks for the reminder. Levi's book comes out on the same day. Do I really want to read Levi's book? Nah. I think I will download it on Kindle anyway just so that there is a slight chance that it outsells Brisdull's book and pisses her off.

      • SorosBot

        She may just be celebrating this weekend, because The Undefeated is no longer the only movie of 2011 with a perfect 0 on Rottentomatoes thanks to Bucky Larson: Born To Be a Star.

        • Barb

          I've noticed that Grandma Grizzly still hasn't acknowledged that her son spawned a baby with the Britta. I'm hoping that congress passes a law that when this family coughs another kid out of their baby chutes they have to tint the incubator glass so that we don't have to see this circus freak show.

  • SorosBot

    Michelle likes tennis? Great, the wingnuts will use this to try and call her a lesbian.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Tennis, not softball.

      • SorosBot

        Yes, tennis; the sport once dominated by Billy Jean King, later by Martina Navratilova.

      • poncho_pilot

        wait…i thought it was lacrosse…???

    • Lascauxcaveman

      [/attempts to stop self from dreaming up scenes of a Michelle O/Maria Sharapova porno]

    • Negropolis

      They already call her transexual, so it's not that far of a leap.

  • Pragmatist2

    Elitism Scale- Court Sport Edition:
    Squash – Rich Republicans and closetDemocrats
    Tennis- Rich Democrats and Upper Middle Class Republicans
    Badminton- Upper Middle Class Democrats and Middle Class Republicans
    Four Square – Middle Class Democrats and both poor Republicans
    Horseshoes – Tea Party

    • Eve8Apples

      Horseshoes requires too much physical activity for the average teabagger. I think they're into muddin' and lawn mower races.

      • Tundra Grifter

        Not to mention with horseshoes there are ALL those damn rules! Who can master such a complex game? It's practically chess with big ole iron pieces. That you have to heave at a stick…

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Those who can haul themselves out of their scooters might be up to a bit of shuffleboard, but that's about it.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh please. The Tea Party hasn't evolved past Tiddlywinks or Candyland. Hell, Sorry! would be a challenge for them.

      • DaRooster

        They would never get UNO… it's a language barrier thing.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Teabaggers still whack a hoop with a stick down a dirt road.

    • BornInATrailer

      *has hossshoes
      *is now sad

  • baconzgood

    The reason I like tennis so much (and I do like it) is if you don't feel like running for the ball you don't have to. You just REACH as it passes you and go "UUHHPH. Nice shot."

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      "Hey, great game, I'm gonna go get a beer, what are you going to do?"

      "Oh, I think I am going to go suck some guy's dick."

      • Negropolis

        Wha? lol

        • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

          It's an old Eddie Murphy bit from his stand up act.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I think it's time for Michelle to encourage the kids to get into beach volleyball.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      [/attempts to stop self from dreaming up scenes of a Michelle O/Kari Walsh porno]

    • GregComlish

      too soon

    • Muriel Lenore

      That won't work in land locked Texas.

  • Goonemeritus

    I hope she doesn’t distract attention from my bring Polo to the Poor program. It’s hard enough finding disadvantaged inner-city youth that will commit to buying and boarding a string of ponies as it is.

    • x111e7thst

      That is why Polocrosse which can be played even by people who can only afford a single pony is a much better sport for the hoi polloi. http://www.americanpolocrosse.org/

      • twaingirl

        Or even bike polo. Most bike polo leagues have loaner bikes and local bike co-ops offer earn-a-bike or adopt-a-bike programs.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      But the lulz really hit a crescendo when the scorekeepers throw a bunch of rubber snakes onto the playing field.

  • chicken_thief

    That's a bullshit excuse, dear FLOTUS. Just cause the sooshulist government didn't give you a tennis court in your neighborhood doesn't mean that yer ma couldn't have taken you over to one of the houses that she cleaned and let you play there. When they were on vacation, of course. I mean, not with the white kids or nothing like that.

    Besides, negroes play basketball. Sheesh.

    • baconzgood

      Offensive, demeaning, and angry. This my friend is an excellent snark. KUDOS!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Not that you care, but her mother was a secretary.

      • V572 T-Blow

        You're saying Michelle didn't have rich white grandparents to send her to the best schools? All the more reason to admire her. Plus, she's hawtt.

  • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

    She ain't no glamour girl, she's FIERCE.

    • DahBoner

      Her thighs could crack your skull!

  • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

    Video of her court play, with audible lady grunting, or GTFO.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Why can't Mrs. Obama talk about more team sports? You know… the kind you sit on the couch and watch?

    • vulpes82

      I know! Doesn't she realized we outsourced all of this "sports" stuff years ago to Teh Brownz? We've got Hispanics for baseball, African Americans for football and basketball, and the heathen Canucks for hockey.

      • KeepFnThatChicken

        And the whites play 401k-management-ball

    • NorthStarSpanx

      I manage a baseball team.

      Little League?

      Fantasy.
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucxgshnWtO8

  • Fare la Volpe

    That is the classiest sports cardigan I've ever seen. Goddamn, diva.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    You mean she wasn't some [washed-up/never-was] High School basketball point-guard that essentially locked up her qualifications for Vice President of this great country?

  • El Pinche

    New gravatar material:
    http://tinyurl.com/42qhmhj

    • poncho_pilot

      i feel like i'm in Thunderdome.

      • SorosBot

        Come on, can't you get beyond Thunderdome?

        • poncho_pilot

          possibly. but i can't get beyond the years when Tina Turner was still hot.

    • SoBeach

      The earrings, the coif, the manicure, the gillion dollar fashion warm-up jacket, the fierce "plenty more where THAT came from!" expression…you can actually HEAR wingnut testicles shriveling across the country.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I suck at tennis (which is good because I also hate the bitches who play it all the time around here) but I love wearing inappropriately short skirts and my biceps are burning today from working out, with much inspiration from Michelle O's bad ass guns. I think this is much better than the pill head beer-billionairess I would have tried to be if McCain had won.
    Well, maybe.

    • Negropolis

      but I love wearing inappropriately short skirts

      And, really, isn't this what modern lady's tennis is all about?

      • FakaktaSouth

        It is at my house. That, and paying a couple grand to get to scream at some idiot line judge that if Serena wanted to, she could make sausage of. (dangling participle and all)

        • Negropolis

          Dangling participles are the best kind of participles.

  • HistoriCat

    A picture of Michelle Obama playing tennis and she's wearing slacks??? I am so disappointed.

    • DahBoner

      Is Hillary or Marcus Bachmann coaching her?

  • DahBoner

    If only the U.S. would "OPEN" up about this Fancy Tennis Sport For Obese Children…

  • valgal2342

    Must have been a bit chili out there on the courts, nips are hard.
    My total apologies, FLOTUS, I luvs ya, just sayin' you wear it well.

  • Negropolis

    You don’t have to be good to enjoy it, because I love the game and my skills are very questionable.”

    I love her word choice at the end. It sounds so quintessentially Obama family.