energy in the news

French Nuclear Waste Dump Explodes, Kenyan Oil Pipeline Explodes

Catch of the Day: Thyroid Cancer.How is the world of energy going, today? Not so well! In the non-German, still-nuke-having European land of France, a nuclear waste dump in Marcoule exploded. At least one person is dead and several are injured and of course there is “no danger” until, like every recent nuclear disaster, the entire province is pronounced off limits to humanity for the next 10,000 years. (The Fox News-esque British deadpan comedy blog Daily Mail marks the explosion with the headline, “Marcoule explosion: Is the tide of anti-nuclear irrationality on the turn?”) And in Barack Obama’s socialist “Aloha State” of Kenya, a gigantic oil pipeline exploded in a heavily populated slum of Nairobi, killing at least a hundred.

East Coast earthquakes, Manhattan hurricanes, tens of millions of American households without electricity, what else can we expect along with the constant West Coast radioactive rain from the still-spewing Fukushima Daiichi nuclear disaster ? How about stinkbugs! There is a new plague of stinkbugs, in America, and you will not be spared:

The reviled brown marmorated stinkbug has made its nasty presence known throughout the Mid-Atlantic, eating fruit and vegetable crops and invading homes. But there’s been one good thing about the pest. It’s created jobs.

Gah, never mind! Welcome, stinkbugs! Stinkbugs is Obama’s jobs plan! (This is an ironic/incorrect use of “is.” Check reddit or something for an explanation, or Comic-Con.) [Al Jazeera/Treehugger/Daily Mail]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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131 comments

      1. tihond

        Perry was misunderstood, he really prayed that campaign donors would "make it rain" on his campaign, and it worked!

  1. Barb

    I don't think we should rush to judgement on this one until Michele Bachmann tells what what God means to say by these disasters.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Given what Kenya's been doing on the gay rights front, you'd think that Teabagger Jeebus would be smiling down upon them. Can't wait for the Xtard take on this one.

  2. elviouslyqueer

    The reviled brown marmorated stinkbug has made its nasty presence known throughout the Mid-Atlantic, eating fruit and vegetable crops and invading homes. But there’s been one good thing about the pest. It’s created jobs.

    The only difference between the brown marmorated stinkbug and Michele Bachmann is that the stinkbug actually created some jobs.

  3. littlebigdaddy

    I missed the story about how the wind turbine broke loose and decapitated 100s of people in Norway.

  4. SayItWithWookies

    We could always use offshore wind power — well, except that it would spoil the view from the Tea Room at the Bridgeport Yacht Club. But in theory, and if there were some way to use wind turbines to despoil a poor neighborhood, we could.

      1. Crank_Tango

        giant hamster-wheels for the poor? It would fulfill the teabaggers' flintstonesque fantasies of a return to better days, also.

    1. Nothingisamiss

      The problem with that it, they wouldn't actually HURT the poor, and profits would be taken to wind turbine companies from oil companies. You see why it's impossible.

      1. weejee

        And that -S makes the anarchists happy. At the other end of the spectrum, the extremely dense Teatards, like neutron stars, have a heavy ration of strange quarks, and that helps to explain their unexplainable positions.

        1. poncho_pilot

          true! sometimes you expect them to spin something a certain way but they spin it the opposite way. sometimes they are supposed to be in one location but they are not. allegedly there are supposed to be millions of them at their rallies but no one has been able to observe them.

  5. SayItWithWookies

    "There had been a leak in the fuel pipline earlier, and people were going to collect the fuel that was coming out," said Joseph Mwego, a resident.

    Oh great — Kenya used to be one of the better-off African states. Now it looks like they're adopting their economic plans from Nigeria, where this kinda shit happens all too frequently.

    1. MaxNeanderthal

      "Small earthquake in Chile, not many dead". :- Claude Cockburn's entry for "most boring headline".
      By the way, that Daily Heil headline counts as rational and balanced for them….

      1. Bonzos_Bed_Time

        Say it again!

        And thanks to your quick reply DBB, I can't edit to say "Don't forget San Deigo's poop covered beaches."

        Oh the humanity!

        1. DashboardBuddha

          Sorry…I'm at work and I have to make my comments in a lightening fast manner or else I would be distracted by…work.

          1. Bonzos_Bed_Time

            No worries… I'm at work so I have to make lightning fast comments so nobody looks over my shoulder and sees Courtney deep throating a cucumber. Would be awkward.

          2. DashboardBuddha

            One of the cool things about my job as an insurance agent is the program we use to generate premiums (comparative rater). It takes a few minutes to sort through our companies and there's not much else I can do while I'm waiting.

        2. DahBoner

          "Don't forget San Deigo's poop covered beaches."

          Did you happen to see any old Triumph motorcycle parts laying around there?

      1. DahBoner

        "I steal my electricity from the Sun"

        Now every bagger is gonna want them there so-lar panels, so's they can steal some electricity, too….

  6. Trannysurprise

    "gigantic oil pipeline exploded in a heavily populated slum of Nairobi"

    Is this the "brownout" they were talking about in Ohio?

  7. Come here a minute

    Do not worry. The US will soon be adopting the environmentally friendly energy policy of burning the poors.

    1. Spurning Beer

      Excellent! Now there is one more option to add to the "all of the above" energy policy Sarah has been telling us we need for years: safe, clean-burning poor people. They're America's home-grown energy solution.

      1. AJWjr.

        If you let them dry on the tin roof before burning, they provide a lot more BTU's than trying to burn them fresh, you know, just like cowpies.

  8. slithytoves

    what else can we expect along with the constant West Coast radioactive rain from the still-spewing Fukushima Daiichi nuclear disaster?

    Holy crap! I now have an explanation for the Republican slate of presidential candidates!

  9. edgydrifter

    Amateurs. We're actively and permanently contaminating our own aquifer with benzene and other fracking agents right this very minute–you don't see us jumping up and down in front of the cameras. C'mon, foreigners, act like you've been to the big game before.

    Don't make us go all Deepwater Horizon again. We'll do it if we must, just so you remember we're still #1.

  10. SorosBot

    Sure, we could repair our old, decaying infrastructure, but that would require spending money, so we can't 'cause that's bad for some reason.

  11. SheriffRoscoe

    what else can we expect…

    Planet Nibiru will be here in a few weeks to rip the Earth to shreds, Ken. Nobody can see it but they know it's up there, menacaing us, threatening to cull the herd.

  12. bumfug

    We have the equivalent of an exploding nuclear waste dump here in America every time there's a republican debate.

  13. mavenmaven

    The reviled brown marmorated stinkbug has made its nasty presence known during the most recent GOP debate, demanding more time and distracting attention away from the two leading Texas and Utah stinkbugs.

  14. LiveToServeYa

    Dude, radiation is only a weak carcinogen. In conclusion, radiation: good for the gonads, good for the testicles. Try our radioactive teabagging process! A millirem of prevention is worth a sievert of cure.

  15. Poindexter718

    What say we send the stinkbugs to, I don't know, Tampa, Fla., and have Wolf Blitzer ask them topical questions on teevee?
    I'm thinking that could be quite droll.

  16. baconzgood

    Fucking clients screwing up my snark time!!!! I was going to snark way up top but because of these assholes my snark is more bottom than Marcus Bachmann. What's the point of snarking now (sniffle), no one reads and upfists a snark this low.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      I, too suffered from snarkus interruptus as hordes of smelly citizens came into the office to get child support calculated for their loathsome offspring.

      I better get back to work.

    2. Nothingisamiss

      Snark is best fresh, it's true. Your intern couldn't keep clients…entertained…during afternoon snark fest?

      1. baconzgood

        I was thinking that but HR frowns upon making her take off her top and jump rope. Sheesh, "This was standard office procedure in the '50s" I told them.

  17. Mumbletypeg

    How about stinkbugs! There is a new plague of stinkbugs, in America

    How about that. Stinkbugs are the new bedbugs.

    This is good news all over, for folks still researching obscure ideas for a Halloween-costume next month.

  18. DemonicRage

    Hahahah. The very first posting brings Rick Perry into play. The whole world could explode today in one big nuclear confrontation, and as Wonkette readers' eyelids curled up into human bacon, all that the Wonkette reader would think to himself or her self would be, "What stupid thing did Rick Perry say TODAY?"

  19. Goonemeritus

    I think the next Biblical plague will be a Ted Nugent world tour if God is sticking to his normal set list.

    1. prommie

      He has already sent upon us the plague of an Alice Cooper tour. It was foretold this would be the forerunner of the apocalyptic Nugent tour.

  20. LiveToServeYa

    What's not mentioned is that stinkbugs are a component of Mexican and Vietnamese cuisine. How shall we handle this crisis? Why, with a knife and fork! Mmmm, smelly mana from heaven.

  21. subsum

    Hey, radiation, as long as it comes from a privately-owned reactor, is good for you (I doubt that's the case in France… those commie, cheese-eating surrender monkeys,) it keeps you warm and enlightens you with the glow of Ayn Rand's wisdom.

    Oil, no matter where it comes from, is good for you. If you disagree then the terrorists win. Drill, baby! Drill…!

  22. Allmighty_Manos

    If only the government would get off industry's back, there would be less of a chance of anyone finding out about this.

  23. SorosBot

    I like the Daily Mail wingnut's assertion that opposing nuclear power after two major disasters at nuclear power plants "irrational". Um, no, that's totally rational; irrational would be using a single incident of coordinated terrorist attacks to use planes as missiles to turn to paranoia and completely reorder society, blatantly violating the Constitution in creating a Gulag where brown people are held and tortured under questionable allegations of terrorism, starting two unending wars only one of which is even tangentially related to the attacks, creating an illegal domestic surveillance system to spy on everyone in the country, and forcing extreme and stupid security practices at airports (and only airports) to make it look like you're preventing hijackings. That would be irrational.

  24. prommie

    Jeebus Criminy! That fucking Daily Mail is filled with more blatant, ludicrous lies and propaganda than anything I have ever seen, truly, it is worse than Fox News. This statement stood out: "In a real way, Fukushima shows the innate robustness and safety of nuclear power." He just keeps saying over and over again, "nuclear power is totally safe and radiation is absoluely harmless." And Chernobyl wasn't so bad, its just liberal hysteria that made such a big deal of it.

    1. MaxNeanderthal

      Rule 1, Never, ever, click on a link to a Daily Hate-Mail article
      Rule 2, See rule 1
      Rule 3, Lather, rinse, etc. etc.

  25. Doktor Zoom

    I await the stories of exploding wind turbines and solar arrays.

    Irrelevant Personal Anecdote–in high school, a classmate gave a speech arguing for solar power, closing with the observation that "the big oil and coal companies will oppose solar power, because you can't put a meter on the sun."

    "Well, yeah, of course not. It would MELT!" said a bright girl in the class.

    To make matters worse, I jumped in with "No, it could work if they put the meter on at night…"

    …to which she triumphantly retorted,'Yeah, but then in the morning, it would still melt!"

  26. Negropolis

    No, Ken. Stinkbugs sound like the GOP's jobs plan.

    But, I'm sure somehow this proves that Obama is morally weak. Now, let's do a post on how the Obama administration was responsible for the purging of the Knights Templar or the extiction of the dinosaurs.

  27. ttommyunger

    "Nuclear Fission is a very expensive way to boil water."- Albert Einstein. But all he knew was that sciency stuff, right?

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