LIKE 'SNAKES ON A PLANE' BUT AT SEA  1:31 pm September 12, 2011

Alan Keyes Waterboards Trapped Boat Passengers With Song (VIDEO)

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

General life-reject and self-described ongoing abortion Alan Keyes has discovered, GAH, that the old people who frequent cruise ships are “pretty much stuck there,” once they are on the boat. You don’t say! What a perfect opportunity for Alan Keyes to ambush a prisoner audience with his best Liza Minelli numbers while, uh, wingnut comedian lady Victoria Jackson bangs out the piano tune, with some kind of crumpled jizz rag on her head! What is this, some kind of CIA “Gitmo for olds” test program to control Social Security costs?

Ha ha, no, it is some kind of Tea Party program for waterboarding innocent people without prior access to passenger logs warning them not to board a ship with a group of batshit insane individuals:

The entire act was recorded by Celebrity – with this exclusive clip offered to WND, since both performers were participants in WND’s “Tea Party at Sea” contingent, which also included Joseph and Elizabeth Farah, David Kupelian, Jerome Corsi, Aaron Klein, Alaskan U.S. Senate candidate Joe Miller, Floyd Brown and others.

And that is reason number two million why we will never, ever board a cruise ship. [WND via Maddow Blog]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 228 comments }

DaRooster September 12, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Tea Party at Sea…
… sounds promising.

nounverb911 September 12, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Needs more "Poseiden Adventure".

Lascauxcaveman September 12, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Victoria Jackson would make a pretty good life raft, if needed.

WunkRocker September 12, 2011 at 1:53 pm

a 3 hour tour…

gurukalehuru September 12, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Come to think of it, Victoria Jackson does bear a superficial resemblance to Shelley Winters in the Poseidon adventure. Blonde, overweight, no longer young. Shelley Winters died in that movie, right?

Preferred Customer September 12, 2011 at 1:42 pm

If the Tea Party leaves the harbor, it kind of misses the point, historically.

anniegetyerfun September 12, 2011 at 1:48 pm

The Tea Party's Titanic Adventure!

Ohforcripessake September 12, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Dammit! Why didn't someone tell Israel the TPaS was going to break the Gaza blockade??

Graham Cracker September 12, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Maybe they will dump themselves into the ocean

Pristine_ODummy September 12, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Only if we can toss them in the drink, after.

Bonzos_Bed_Time September 12, 2011 at 1:35 pm

I hope the 24 hour all you can eat salmonella buffet was worth it.

metamarcisf September 12, 2011 at 1:46 pm

I ain't eatin' Sam nor Ella!

Preferred Customer September 12, 2011 at 1:48 pm

I imagine that contracting salmonella would actually be the high point of this trip.

Bonzos_Bed_Time September 12, 2011 at 1:59 pm

That and the accompanying emergency evac away from it!

chicken_thief September 12, 2011 at 2:12 pm

The only fish they eat is fried catfish and popcorn shrimp.

DashboardBuddha September 12, 2011 at 1:36 pm

[snarky comment about torpedoes but retracted 'cuz it wouldn't be fair to make the other passangers suffer more than they have already]

Preferred Customer September 12, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Judging from their careers, Alan Keyes and Victoria Jackson both know a thing or two about torpedoes.

Weenus299 September 12, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Republicrooners: Earth equivalent to Vogon poetry. NOOOOOOOOO!

WhatTheHolyHeck September 12, 2011 at 1:46 pm

I quite liked it. His straining to reach the higher notes counterpointed the surrealism of the underlying metaphor.

Doktor Zoom September 12, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Resistance is useless!

genxr September 12, 2011 at 3:05 pm

So you're saying beneath his clueless, tebagging exterior, he just wants to be loved?

WhatTheHolyHeck September 12, 2011 at 3:59 pm

No, he Republicroons to put his clueless, teabagging exterior into sharp relief.

LetUsBray September 12, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Let the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEagle soar…

Pristine_ODummy September 12, 2011 at 3:47 pm

EEEEEEEEAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHle.

Tommmcattt September 12, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Victoria Jackson really does represent the creme de la creme of Conservative humor, doesn't she? Kind of their Mark Twain, if you disregard any measure of "funny" or "clever".

She's the best they got. Waaaaay better than Dennis Miller.

Ducksworthy September 12, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Why do I think Yeast Infection whenever I hear Victoria Jackson. Do chronic Yeast infections make you this way? Please discuss.

Tommmcattt September 12, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Now I had to think about Victoria Jackson's lady parts. Thanks Duck, this is a fantastic way to kick off the week.

prommie September 12, 2011 at 3:31 pm

They make your snatch reek, that much I know. You may be confusing cause and effect, I don't think yeast infections make you stupid, but if you are stupid maybe that means you are more likely to neglect your ladyparts and get yeast infections.

SheriffRoscoe September 12, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Dennis Miller has never worn a bow in his hair. Doing so would instantly make him 458% funnier.

baconzgood September 12, 2011 at 2:08 pm

I haven't watched any thing she's done since UHF.

Tundra Grifter September 12, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Tommmcatt:

Carrot Top is better than Victoria Jackson.

prommie September 12, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Gallagher is better than Victoria Jackson. Dice Clay, on the other hand. . . . .

Tommmcattt September 12, 2011 at 6:24 pm

All those people are conservatives? Wow am I glad to be a lefty…

Pristine_ODummy September 12, 2011 at 3:49 pm

You know, "better than Dennis Miller" is sort of like, well, broiled rat is better than boiled rat because at least all the stinky hairs have been singed off.

It's still rat, fer crisake.

Dashboard_Jesus September 13, 2011 at 2:36 am

thanks, that is MY fucking WIN! of the day…oh and did I ever tell you how much I fucking hate that scumbag Miller, and to think I thought he was 'funny' once, in the 90s (good thing I stayed up/ sober enough to see this…ok it's late and the bottom of the wine bottle has been seen, hic)

Pristine_ODummy September 13, 2011 at 1:18 pm

I wish I'd been sober enough to reply at the time, but I'd already put one dead soldier to rest and was working my way through the second. hic!

AmericanBeauty September 20, 2011 at 11:48 am

Diggler (?) could tell you that.

DaRooster September 12, 2011 at 1:36 pm

psst… hey teabaggers… you know he's… umm… black right…
You know who else is black?

Tommmcattt September 12, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Margret Dumont?

nounverb911 September 12, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Magilla Gorilla?

metamarcisf September 12, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Pacman Jones?

Lascauxcaveman September 12, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Cleopatra Jones?

SheriffRoscoe September 12, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Star Jones?

Doktor Zoom September 12, 2011 at 2:12 pm

James Earl "Avenge me, Kimba, uh, Simba / I *am* your father / This Is CNN" Jones?

anniegetyerfun September 12, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Foxy Cleopatra?

SexySmurf September 12, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Rebecca Black? That answer would have also worked if you asked, "You know who else is tone deaf?"

Preferred Customer September 12, 2011 at 1:44 pm

The Titanic?

SheriffRoscoe September 12, 2011 at 1:44 pm

The Ace of Spades?

RedneckMuslin September 12, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Al Jolson?

El Pinche September 12, 2011 at 1:46 pm

The Hair Bear Bunch?

mereoblivion September 12, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Shirley Temple?

gurukalehuru September 12, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Shirley Temple?

Indiepalin September 12, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Velvet Jones?

elviouslyqueer September 12, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Shaft! (Damn right.)

baconzgood September 12, 2011 at 2:11 pm

He's one BAAAD Mother…

Mumbletypeg September 12, 2011 at 2:01 pm

psst… hey teabaggers… you know he's… umm… black

From the WND:

"…Keyes reprised his impromptu number for a crowd that included many who weren't even sure if this was really the man who ran for president in 2000 and 2008" (emphasis mine)

Speak up, Rooster, I don't think they can hear you.

DaRooster September 12, 2011 at 2:26 pm

It does show how hip and with it they are…

(I just said "hip"… without "hop".)

Lascauxcaveman September 12, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Hip, as in hip replacement surgery checked off the bucket list.

SorosBot September 12, 2011 at 2:02 pm

The Drow?

ThundercatHo September 12, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Bruenor Battlehammer/Drizzt Do'Urden 2012!!!!!

baconzgood September 12, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Ted Danson?

HelmutNewton September 12, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Bill Clinton?

finallyhappy September 12, 2011 at 2:16 pm

How is it that I am the first to say Obama?

proudgrampa September 12, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Obama's black??? I hadn't noticed.

RedneckMuslin September 12, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Racist

Steverino247 September 12, 2011 at 2:28 pm

The Sheriff of Rock Ridge? (And how am I the first to say THAT?)

imissopus September 12, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Jimmie Walker?

genxr September 12, 2011 at 3:08 pm

The new sheriff of Rock Ridge?

Pristine_ODummy September 12, 2011 at 3:52 pm

This ain't Hitler, fer sure. Beethoven, but not many people knew it, and besides, he was only *part* black.

What do I win?

zhubajie September 12, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Fela Kuti?

tihond September 13, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Allen West?

GhostBuggy September 12, 2011 at 1:37 pm

"The Poseidon Tea Party Rally."

El Pinche September 12, 2011 at 1:37 pm

No wonder the conservaturds hate the liberal media and hollywood, their "entertainment" makes me want to die.

NorthStarSpanx September 12, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Hot-dog! The USS Enterprise has found video to replace their tasteless career-ending productions.

weejee September 12, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Too bad an iceberg didn't go rogue and take that floating crapsino out.

BTW, Judy Garland & Eva Cassidy are spinning in their graves.

Dr_Zoidberg September 12, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Darn you…beat me to it.

lamorenabruja September 12, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Lerve Judy, but massive upfist for mentioning Eva C. Gone too soon!

Radiotherapy® September 12, 2011 at 1:39 pm

You know what other ship they thought was unsinkable?

p.s. I'm totally with you KBJ on the cruise ship disdain.

metamarcisf September 12, 2011 at 1:43 pm

The S.S. Minnow?

mereoblivion September 12, 2011 at 1:49 pm

The Newton Minnow?

Doktor Zoom September 12, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Did you know that the boat was named for the FCC chairman? Sherwood Schwartz didn't think much of that "vast wasteland" comment.

mereoblivion September 12, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Like, seriosamente, dude? Cool! After all, with Gilligan and Brady, old Sherwood did so much to make the wasteland less . . . vast and wasty.

GuyClinch September 12, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Hitler's boat?

RedneckMuslin September 12, 2011 at 6:06 pm

All of them

nounverb911 September 12, 2011 at 1:45 pm

The Unsinkable Molly Brown?

Preferred Customer September 12, 2011 at 1:53 pm

The Hindenburg?

SorosBot September 12, 2011 at 2:00 pm

The Space Battleship Yamato?

baconzgood September 12, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Das Boot?

Graham Cracker September 12, 2011 at 3:50 pm

the ship of state

meufchelou September 12, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Steve Allen's legacy is safe.

metamarcisf September 12, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Where are those Nazi U-Boats when you need them?

TanzbodenKoenig September 12, 2011 at 2:40 pm

think any of those museum pieces are still sea-worthy?

BornInATrailer September 12, 2011 at 4:16 pm

SCHNELL!

Slim_Pickins September 12, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Laying in wait for the Tea Party Armada in February, when the ice belt tea baggers head south to thaw out.

GuyClinch September 12, 2011 at 1:41 pm

The Hate Boat.

Preferred Customer September 12, 2011 at 1:43 pm

I'd watch that show. Sounds better than anything else on TV.

GuyClinch September 12, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Gavin McLoed plays Capt. Cheney, John Ensign plays the ship's doctor, the guy who played Gopher plays Gopher.

SorosBot September 12, 2011 at 1:57 pm

It's already got the washed-up former celebrities for this week's guest stars.

Chillwaver September 12, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Twenty Thousand Teatards Under the Sea.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 12, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Looks like a jelly fish is attacking her head.

V572 T-Blow September 12, 2011 at 1:42 pm

So they're not all born with it?

SexySmurf September 12, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Do they know that song was written by a Communist?

SudsMcKenzie September 12, 2011 at 1:43 pm

This is good news for Julie McCoy.

CrunchyKnee September 12, 2011 at 1:43 pm

They let Hoverounds on cruise ships?

AJWjr. September 12, 2011 at 3:31 pm

According to the banner on this blog, they do.

Graham Cracker September 12, 2011 at 3:52 pm

They have to be outfitted with pontoons. That boat is destined to sink with entertainment like that.

SheriffRoscoe September 12, 2011 at 1:43 pm

A mad tea party at sea? Did Victoria fall asleep face down in her teacup? Were there riddles with no answers? WIN!

Tommmcattt September 12, 2011 at 1:58 pm

How is Victoria Jackson like a writing desk?

Doktor Zoom September 12, 2011 at 2:19 pm

They're both handy to stand on if you need to change a lightbulb?

Tommmcattt September 12, 2011 at 2:28 pm

"She produces a few notes and all of them are flat"…which is actually the answer to the old "unanswerable' riddle in Alice in Wonderland, but applies beautifully here, I think.

Doktor Zoom September 12, 2011 at 2:39 pm

I prefer "Poe wrote on both" for the original.

But Edgar Allen never envisioned a horror like Ms. Jackson.

PsycWench September 12, 2011 at 1:43 pm

I'd dive overboard and swim for shore, Being eaten by sharks would be preferable to staying onboard.

Goonemeritus September 12, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Shut up and (stop) singing?

metamarcisf September 12, 2011 at 1:45 pm

That SNL has sure produced some talent, huh? Dennis Miller, Victoria Jackson, Charles Rocket, Brad Hall…the memory fails…

ttommyunger September 12, 2011 at 2:16 pm

As does the attempt at humor…

Pristine_ODummy September 12, 2011 at 4:03 pm

So did they.

Come here a minute September 12, 2011 at 1:46 pm

This could only control costs if Medicare has no mental health benefits.

PuckStopsHere September 12, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Don't know about any rainbows, but they've flown over the cuckoos nest, for sure.

nounverb911 September 12, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Needs more frontal lobotomies.

RedneckMuslin September 12, 2011 at 1:47 pm

This is terrorism pure and simple. My God! Wasn't 9-11 bad enough? Oh the humanity!

Mumbletypeg September 12, 2011 at 1:48 pm

"Tea Party at Out To Sea"

Fixed.

Pristine_ODummy September 12, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Allow me:

"Tea Party at Out To Sea Lunch"

Goonemeritus September 12, 2011 at 1:48 pm

What the entertainment on “the Love Boat” would have been had Himmler done the booking.

Pristine_ODummy September 12, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Or Biel Z. Bubba. I understand he's fond of pain and suffering.

SayItWithWookies September 12, 2011 at 1:48 pm

There's not enough Benadryl on the damn boat to make people listen to Alan Keyes' vocal stylings.

subsum September 12, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Cunts… both of 'em.

Pristine_ODummy September 12, 2011 at 4:07 pm

I'll say it again: cunts can be warm, sweet, soft, wonderful … BRB.

Spurning Beer September 12, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Uh, waiter? I was told this was going to be a three hour tour.

Doktor Zoom September 12, 2011 at 2:20 pm

It was only 3 minutes; it just FELT like 3 hours.

RedneckMuslin September 12, 2011 at 1:53 pm

If he's singing up here, who's singing in Hell?

Pristine_ODummy September 12, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Biely would know.

Paging Biel Z. Bubba … Biel Z. Bubba to the white courtesy phone, please.

prommie September 12, 2011 at 1:54 pm

This is from a new David Lynch movie, right? It produces that same dissociative effect, the disturbing feeling that you can no longer tell what is real and what is your imagination.

NorthStarSpanx September 12, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Whose hotter, Victoria or Eraserhead?

prommie September 12, 2011 at 3:35 pm

The dancing deformed lady from Eraserhead.

baconzgood September 12, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Joseph and Elizabeth Farah, David Kupelian, Jerome Corsi, Aaron Klein, Alaskan U.S. Senate candidate Joe Miller, Floyd Brown and others.

STAR STUDDED! Also special Guest stars Ray Jay Johnson and that guy who was second banana to the monkey in BJ and the Bear!

Dr_Zoidberg September 12, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Oh, if only Gallagher and Ray Stevens could have made it!

baconzgood September 12, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Scheduling conflict. They were booked at the Ramada in Billings Montana.

AJWjr. September 12, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Ya doesn't hafta call me Johnson!

littlebigdaddy September 12, 2011 at 1:54 pm

They missed the obvious song choice: Ship of Fools.

Dr_Zoidberg September 12, 2011 at 1:58 pm

'The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald' would have been nice…

littlebigdaddy September 12, 2011 at 1:59 pm

I doubt either of them could do a convincing Gordon Lightfoot.

Pristine_ODummy September 12, 2011 at 4:10 pm

No lightfoots in that crowd, fershure.

SorosBot September 12, 2011 at 2:11 pm

The audience is probably thinking the chorus of Sloop John B.

DashboardBuddha September 12, 2011 at 2:26 pm

I feel so broke up, I want to go home.

(Truly, this is the worse trip we've ever been on.)

DashboardBuddha September 12, 2011 at 2:24 pm

The bottles stand as empty
as they were filled before
Time there was and plenty
but from that cup no more
Though I could not caution all I yet may warn a few:
Don't lend your hand to raise no flag
atop no ship of fools

littlebigdaddy September 12, 2011 at 1:56 pm

And, yes, Vicky, your ass looks huge in that.

mereoblivion September 12, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Gimme Herman Cain singing "God Bless America" any day.
You know what, Massa? Jes' gimme death.

Pristine_ODummy September 12, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Er … yeah. Death is definitely preferable to having to listen to either of these untalented wanna-bes.

SorosBot September 12, 2011 at 1:59 pm

I only recognize two of the names of the other wingnut "celebrities" on the tour; good job, Keyes and Jackson, in somehow managing to put together a guest list where the two of you are actually the most famous.

littlebigdaddy September 12, 2011 at 2:41 pm

And Corsi's certainly gone downhill since his days with the Beats.

itsjesuscriss September 12, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Somewhere out at sea, another dolphin has rammed his head against the ocean floor in protest of the obnoxious sounds coming from the hull of this ship.

NorthStarSpanx September 12, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Even the Right-Whale would gladly swim straight into a curtain of death to escape such Right-Wing talent fail.

Pragmatist2 September 12, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Was this part of the Minstrel Show?

BornInATrailer September 12, 2011 at 2:17 pm

As that is not Alan Keyes, but Chuck Norris and some burned cork, yes.

itsjesuscriss September 12, 2011 at 2:03 pm

If you can't sing at sea, how can you possibly see to sing?

weejee September 12, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Was Ted Nugent also on the venue with guitar licks and at the gun range?

baconzgood September 12, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Hey if these people can sit through this and Lawrence Welk they truely are "The Greatest Generation".

johnnyzhivago September 12, 2011 at 2:40 pm

You remind me of something, namely, visiting my grandparents, where the only two shows my grandfather watched was "Welk" (always called just "Welk", as in "it's 8:00 time for Welk") – and "The Governor and JJ". I distinctly remember him (about 85 years old) frequently explaining how he liked the latter show because of actress Julie Somers' (JJ) "acting". I suspect it may have been her ass, however.

baconzgood September 12, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Evertime someone turns on Welk I get the grandparents house smell in my nose and nausea. Kinda like The Clockwork Orange.

Pristine_ODummy September 12, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Yes, they are. Too great of girth for mere hoverounds to contain, for example. Not to even mention how that might preclude standing up to flee the night's planned entertainment.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 12, 2011 at 2:04 pm

When Lounge Lizards attack.

freakishlywrong September 12, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Conga line. Scooters. Picture it.

elviouslyqueer September 12, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Rogue wave or GTFO.

Goonemeritus September 12, 2011 at 2:06 pm

How many of you remember the saga of the 1987 Garbage Barge. It occurs to me if there were a way to revoke landing rights this ship could be the new Teabanastan.

elviouslyqueer September 12, 2011 at 2:07 pm

So, after reading paragraph after endless paragraph of Victoria Jackson's ramblings, I've come to the conclusion that she would like nothing more than to have Alan Keyes's big black dick buried balls-deep in her capacious bunghole.

SheriffRoscoe September 12, 2011 at 2:09 pm

That's the first time the phrase "big black dick" has grossed me out. Way to go!

prommie September 12, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Gotta love that "capacious bunghole," though. Poetry.

SheriffRoscoe September 12, 2011 at 3:50 pm

How about a comedy "palate cleanser" for you, my two friends….courtesy of the late, great LaWanda Page. NSFW!

BornInATrailer September 12, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Leon Klinghoffer would have wheeled himself off the side of this cruise ship.

prommie September 12, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Too soon.

BornInATrailer September 12, 2011 at 4:02 pm

I thought the rule was 25 years.

Poindexter718 September 12, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Uncle Ream us.

NorthStarSpanx September 12, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Cruise-2-Nowhere, with untalented and useless Know-Nothings.

I'd rather catch the Titanic.

Rosie_Scenario September 12, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Overheard on U.S.S. Teabagger: "Alicia Keyes has really let herself go."

prommie September 12, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Off topic, but I have just decided I want to become a hand model. Does anyone know how one goes about this?

littlebigdaddy September 12, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Give out handjobs?

prommie September 12, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Thats what I was afraid of.

Chichikovovich September 12, 2011 at 2:19 pm

"Joseph and Elizabeth Farah, David Kupelian, Jerome Corsi, Aaron Klein, Alaskan U.S. Senate candidate Joe Miller, Floyd Brown and others."

OK, so like – next time the ship leaves port and gets beyond the horizon, everybody get crackin' and move the country somewhere else before they start back.

HistoriCat September 12, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Between Alan Keyes providing entertainment and the waitstaff, cabin stewards, etc., this may be the most non-white people in one place most of the teatards have ever seen.

ttommyunger September 12, 2011 at 2:21 pm

No, I didn't watch this clip; I'm not as dumb as you think I am. What bothers me is that there was a time when I thought Victoria Jackson was fuckable in a "you mean you want me to put that thing in my mouth?" kind of way. Right now I would step over her to get to Ann Coulter and Ann is totally unfuckable also, too, as well as…

BornInATrailer September 12, 2011 at 2:30 pm

"Right now I would step over her"

You must have really long legs.

Preferred Customer September 12, 2011 at 2:41 pm

That is PRECISELY what I was thinking.

ttommyunger September 12, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Hahahahaha!

prommie September 12, 2011 at 3:28 pm

I understand that "you want me to put that thing in my mouth" way prescisely. Its the unattainable fantasy of the girl so charmingly dumb that she'll swallow anything; literally and figuratively.

AJWjr. September 12, 2011 at 3:42 pm

She seems like the type who would prefer it in her ear…

ttommyunger September 12, 2011 at 11:33 pm

I hear the unmistakable voice of experience.

Pristine_ODummy September 13, 2011 at 7:46 pm

Indeed. You have to wonder how *anyone* would have the first clue about Victoria Jackson's sexual peccadilloes.

No, I did *not* say peccadildoes. Geesh.

ttommyunger September 13, 2011 at 7:54 pm

So…..Is a pecadildo made especially for little people; or possibly a basket full of dildos? Inquiring (and dirty) minds want to know.

Pristine_ODummy September 13, 2011 at 1:30 pm

I can understand the step over part, but Ghoulter? Man, your standards have sunk!

ttommyunger September 13, 2011 at 7:37 pm

I did pronounce her unfuckable.

Pristine_ODummy September 13, 2011 at 7:46 pm

I was just jealous that you actually preferred Ghoulter to some of us *other* ladyboys.

ttommyunger September 13, 2011 at 7:55 pm

As a matter of fact, her Adams Apple is bigger than mine. Her dick too, for that matter, I'm guessing.

Sue4466 September 12, 2011 at 2:22 pm

After about 30 seconds of that, it's apparent that stupid does hurt. At least other people.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 12, 2011 at 2:24 pm

It could have been worse. It could have been a song AND dance number.

HelmutNewton September 12, 2011 at 2:24 pm

On the surface, Victoria Jackson sounds like just another idiotic teabagger. But by the time the usual Koch Sucker talking points come out of her mouth, they sound like they've been put through the washer and the dryer, set on fire, and then run through a sewage treatment plant.

prommie September 12, 2011 at 3:29 pm

A malfunctioning, non-operating sewage treatment plant.

donner_froh September 12, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Joseph and Elizabeth Farah, David Kupelian, Jerome Corsi, Aaron Klein, Alaskan U.S. Senate candidate Joe Miller, Floyd Brown and others.

1) Joe Miller is still running for Senate? Someone should tell him the election happened already.

2) Given that stellar line-up whoever is in the "and others" category must be in a witness protection program.

Slim_Pickins September 12, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Its safer for Joe to be at sea, there's an arrest warrant issued for him in Alaska.

owhatever September 12, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Okay. She looks just like a fat Shirley Temple, and he sings like a rock. Not a rock star, just a rock.

imissopus September 12, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Gahhhhh, my hearing! My precious, precious hearing!

Tundra Grifter September 12, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Kristen:

How DO you find this stuff?

On second thought – please don't tell me.

I'll love Irma Jackson til I die. My life was just fine not knowing anything about Victoria Jackson.

Thanks a lot!!!

lamorenabruja September 12, 2011 at 2:34 pm

This is GREAT news for minstrels.

johnnyzhivago September 12, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Someone cram the two of them into a crab pot and toss it overboard.

imissopus September 12, 2011 at 2:37 pm

If only this ship could have been the Mary Celeste.

DaRooster September 12, 2011 at 2:38 pm

TEA PARTY!! YEA!!

Some friggin' party…

BornInATrailer September 12, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Wait, did no one say "More like Alan OFF-Keyes" yet? Because that would be a shame.

Doktor Zoom September 12, 2011 at 2:40 pm

A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again.

prommie September 12, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Now you've depressed me.

chascates September 12, 2011 at 2:40 pm

More like the Flying Dutchman or the Mary Celeste?

Guppy06 September 12, 2011 at 2:58 pm

The Celebrity Milennium flies the Maltese flag. I guess they don't love America enough to cruise on a US ship.

mavenmaven September 12, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Joe Miller but no Joe the Plumber? I want my money back.

Slim_Pickins September 12, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Performance?

Slim_Pickins September 12, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Has Michele thought about a singing career?

AJWjr. September 12, 2011 at 3:45 pm

She hasn't quite wrung out the political career yet, give her a few more months.

Pristine_ODummy September 12, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Jesus Christ! It can't be that easy to find the only two Nears in America who can't sing worth shit, but it looks like the GOP found them: Herman Cain and Alan Keyes.

fuflans September 12, 2011 at 5:33 pm

hahahha teatards get victoria jackson.

we get the dailey show.

glamourdammerung September 12, 2011 at 5:46 pm

I think this disproves Jackson's assertion that she can not get jobs in "Hollyweird" because "they discriminate against conservatives" as opposed to having no talent.

zhubajie September 12, 2011 at 7:31 pm

No storms? Heavy waves? Massive sea-sickness?

zhubajie September 12, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Isn't this a job opportunity for pirates? How much would some relatives pay to never see these people again?

BipolarBadger September 13, 2011 at 12:19 am

I want to bait them when they return to their home port here in Vancouver. I am surprised these baggers do not explode upon entering my evil communist maple syrup beaver loving country.

tihond September 13, 2011 at 3:28 pm

You know who else was a Friend of Dorothy?

baconzgood September 12, 2011 at 2:29 pm

But I'm talkin' about Shaft.

imissopus September 12, 2011 at 2:31 pm

And we can dig it.

Lascauxcaveman September 12, 2011 at 2:42 pm

"Bla-a-a-a-a-ck Lassie, a great American dog. Now we're gonna listen to Carl play his wha-wha…"

Rosie_Scenario September 12, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Point taken: "How about Victoria Principal has really let herself go?"

HistoriCat September 12, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Perfect!

Doktor Zoom September 12, 2011 at 10:49 pm

Well, not really. He was happy to spread the bland around, especially if it made money. In his obit, the NY Times had this:

Mr. Schwartz remembered describing the idea of “Gilligan’s Island” to William S. Paley, then chairman of CBS, as a microcosm. Mr. Paley, he recalled, blanched and said, “Oh, God, I thought it was a comedy show,” to which Mr. Schwartz quickly responded, “But it’s a funny microcosm!”

mereoblivion September 13, 2011 at 10:57 am

Meant to say "MORE . . . vast and wasty." Yesterday was a horrible day.

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