FLYING TURD MONSTERS  2:59 pm September 9, 2011

Michele Bachmann Must Now Pray To Sewage Monster For Relevance

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

San Diego was apparently not the only place the Sewage Monster struck last night. It’s true, it’s on the Internet! That is our conclusion from watching two seconds of this Michele Bachmann “rebuttal” speech, a gospel of toxic ooze delivered in the dank purgatory of Washington last night, to tell Barack Obama he is an equally filthy wastrel. We almost did not notice, because that is not “our kind of porn.” 

This criminally boring rebuttal speech was her desperate attempt at a “comeback” to prove her relevance, sayeth the New York Times:

Her Thursday night news conference, in a House interview room, was an effort to reignite the buzz and regain momentum that her campaign has lost in recent weeks. But no television network carried it live, and Mrs. Bachmann took only a handful of questions.

The situation for Michele Bachmann is looking a little grim: her poll numbers have caught the pig AIDS, her campaign iscrumbling, she gave what can only be kindly described as a catatonic performance in the last GOP debate, and the Devil has already signed with Rick Perry’s team. Pray to the Sewage Monster, Michele, he is still a free agent. [NYTimesYouTube]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 203 comments }

nounverb911 September 9, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Did the sewage monster wash up on Mitt's private beach last night?

Oblios_Cap September 9, 2011 at 3:10 pm

The Flying Spaghetti Monster could beat the Sewage Monster without even breaking a noodle-y appendage.

LesBontemps September 9, 2011 at 4:44 pm

A Mighty Pasta Is Our God.

Pristine_ODummy September 9, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Is that how he refers to his wife's HappyPlace? Goodness me, these Mormons seem anti-sex.

chicken_thief September 9, 2011 at 4:16 pm

I don't know, Hunts Man was giving Mittens some lovey-dovey looks during the Debacle, eh, uh… I mean Debate.

Pristine_ODummy September 9, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Oh, but that's different. They're both Manly Men, you know, and will have a planet each to rule.

Geez what fucking weirdos, they really believe that shit. I wonder if they've got their magic undies on underneath?

LetUsBray September 9, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Yep; Willard's already put him in a cage and strapped him to the roof of his car.

An_Outhouse September 9, 2011 at 5:21 pm

It wasn't a sewage monster. It was just Vitter's diaper after the Packers pounded the Saints last night.

littlebigdaddy September 9, 2011 at 3:03 pm

She needs to stop mixing her meds.

Terry September 9, 2011 at 4:00 pm

She's going to finally break and try to beat up Marcus for getting her into all this. Shelley's going to end up in handcuffs soon.

skoalrebel September 9, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Depends on the mix [spit!] I recommend some Skoal long-cut, mixed with a little oxycodone. If yer lookin' for a bit of a pick-me-up, add just a pinch of meth to the mix. . Those migraines will be a thing of the past. You're welcome, Michele!

Maman September 9, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Is THAT the reason that the seal of the United States is off-kilter? I found it so distracting that I couldn't pay attention to anything that she said.

Nothingisamiss September 9, 2011 at 6:30 pm

Maybe needs MORE med mixing?

nounverb911 September 9, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Maybe Michele needs to adopt some more foster kids so they can campaign for her.

Pristine_ODummy September 9, 2011 at 3:28 pm

There aren't enough foster kids in the universe to guarantee her win, is the only problem.

DaSandman September 9, 2011 at 3:04 pm

So…I assume medically there's no way to pump brains into that naturally occuring vacuum of a head, is there?

RadioEnron9/11 September 9, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Put them in pill form?

DaSandman September 9, 2011 at 3:13 pm

LOL Winner!

Texan_Bulldog September 9, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Meh…I'd rather watch that Estee Lauder commercial that was covering her crazy eyes.

But if she wants to get back into the game, she needs to have Rick manhandle her like he did Ron Paul.

Terry September 9, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Oddly enough, that's sort of how Sarah Palin won the GOP primary in the Alaska governor's race, oh those years ago now. The Alaska GOP bigwigs were having a retreat and didn't invite her. She picketed the event, along with family and a handful of folks. The Republicans, being who they are, sent security out to deal with them. A big of shoving and all of a sudden, Sarah's getting sympathy and attention as someone willing to go against the Murkowski machine. True story.

Geminisunmars September 9, 2011 at 4:30 pm

And that, children, is how the fairy princess became the president of America.

GOPCrusher September 9, 2011 at 5:39 pm

It seems a lot of Republiklans/Tea Baggers must of picked up on that lesson. They say or do the most insane shit to provoke a reaction and then play the victim.

Beowoof September 9, 2011 at 3:06 pm

It it always a sad day when a queen of unintentional comedic import fades away. Michele and Marcus fading back into their lives of government jobs and handouts is a sad one for all of us who love snark.

ManchuCandidate September 9, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Yes, but we'll always have the corndog pics.

Pristine_ODummy September 9, 2011 at 3:29 pm

The Rick 'n Michele double-throating was totally the best.

RadioEnron9/11 September 9, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Don't worry, the teabagger clown car never has an empty seat.

chicken_thief September 9, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Two thumbs up!

starfanglednut September 9, 2011 at 3:12 pm

*sniffs, and wipes a tear from eye…

Streiffert September 9, 2011 at 3:20 pm

don't you mean "fading back into their lives of government hand jobs "?

SorosBot September 9, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Wait, is the "queen of unintentional comedic import" Michele or Marcus?

Beowoof September 9, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Both.

Terry September 9, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Oh, girlfriend ain't fading far. She's still in the US House and will find a way to get a camera and microphone in front of herself.

Flat_Earther September 9, 2011 at 4:43 pm

I am really going to miss her. Marcus has been a bonus. Speaking of "bone us", maybe Marcus can go back trolling for that special guy who will "bone both of us".

GOPCrusher September 9, 2011 at 5:42 pm

She's reported to be going back to Ames for the Iowa-Iowa State football game. Plans are to wander the parking lots , meeting with tailgaters. And they are going to have a Michele Bachmann blimp flying around the stadium.
If there is a Gawd, some drunken Hawkeye fan will spew his cookies all over the Batshyt One.

Oblios_Cap September 9, 2011 at 3:06 pm

Who is Michelle Bachmann? is she related to Newt What's-his-name?

nounverb911 September 9, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Only in the sense that they both have Stepford wives.

rickmaci September 9, 2011 at 3:15 pm

It's Michele (one L). Why oh why won't the lamestream libtard media give her credit for the conservative way she uses the alphabet by not wasting and squandering that extra L?

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 9, 2011 at 3:20 pm

The extra "L" is the lamestream media's attempt to start a conspiracy that she is a closet "L"iberal…, as everyone knows there is a lot of closeting going on in the Bachmann household.

Streiffert September 9, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Marcus thought it was Michel when he met her. Imagine his surprise on their wedding night when he found out Michele the girl from Waterloo Iowa wasn't Michel the Belgian cross dresser…

DaniloTifoso September 9, 2011 at 5:26 pm

I recognize the name, but the face escapes me. (Here on day three of the post-bachmannnnn-era)

OneYieldRegular September 9, 2011 at 3:06 pm

That was less intelligible than Charlie Brown's teacher.

Barb September 9, 2011 at 3:06 pm

"and Mrs. Bachmann took only a handful of questions." She also only took a handful of pills.

starfanglednut September 9, 2011 at 3:12 pm

I could use a handful of pills, right about now.

jus_wonderin September 9, 2011 at 3:19 pm

And not "Danity Marcus" handfulls either. Big, manly, Michele handfulls.

ManchuCandidate September 9, 2011 at 3:22 pm

What a drag it is going down…
"Voters are different today"
I hear Michelle Bachmann say
Michelle needs something today to calm her down
And though she's not really ill
There's a little yellow pill
She goes running for the shelter of Bachmann's little helper
And it helps her on her way, gets her through her busy day

"Things are horrible today"
I hear Michelle Bachmann say
Getting taxes from the rich fuckers is just a drag
So she yells cut gubbiment and she yell's taxes are too high
And goes running for the shelter of Bachmann's little helper
And two help her on her way, get her through her busy day

Marcus please, some more of these
Outside the door, she took four more
What a drag it is going down.

"GOPers aren't the same today"
I hear Michelle Bachmann say
They just don't appreciate that you need cash
They're so hard to satisfy, You can tranquilize your mind
So go running for the shelter of Bachmann's little helper
And four help you through the night, help to minimize your plight

flamingpdog September 9, 2011 at 5:24 pm

I'm Rolling on the floor with laughter. Unfortunately, not Stoned.

ManchuCandidate September 9, 2011 at 3:07 pm

But but but but but what about this talk in the MSM at how cunning and fabuuuulous and instinctual and surprising Bachmann Teabag Overdrive was going to be?

Yeah, I didn't believe it then either.

DaSandman September 9, 2011 at 3:10 pm

The Baggers have some new corrupt cowboy fap material. Hell he tried to mount Ron Paul at the debate. I'll bet there are spooge stained scooters in tea houses all across this Great Land (TM)

Pristine_ODummy September 9, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Remember when we all were Warned (complete with Finger-Wagging) by Pundits that we ignore Mishmash BatshitKrayKrayMann at our peril? Looks like she's at 15:01 on the FameWhore clock right now.

GunToting[Redacted] September 9, 2011 at 3:08 pm

"If the president raises taxes, we already know it will fail based on past experience…"

Yeah, the 50s were a pretty bleak time period for America.

chicken_thief September 9, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Yeppers. Back when they built the roads and bridges that MN hasn't bothered to repair since.

Oblios_Cap September 9, 2011 at 3:08 pm

The "policies that are killing the US economy" aren't the President's, you dumb cunt.

Pristine_ODummy September 9, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Calling this dozy bitch a cunt is a terrible insult to that sweet, soft, warm, deli … BRB.

metamarcisf September 9, 2011 at 3:08 pm

She needs to start mixing her meds.

Pristine_ODummy September 9, 2011 at 3:33 pm

With the exudate from her venom gland?

KeepFnThatChicken September 9, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Michele, the private sector won't be able to do it without roads, bridges, airports and prayer. So you do the praying, and we'll do the rest.

AlterNewt September 9, 2011 at 3:09 pm

"Mr. President, where are the jobs for the CHILDREN?"

SorosBot September 9, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Seeing her current poll numbers, and having announced she's not running for reelection to Congress, Michele was probably auditioning for a job at Fox "News".

Terry September 9, 2011 at 4:05 pm

She can always change her mind about running for reelection.

SorosBot September 9, 2011 at 4:09 pm

But there's a good chance she might no longer have an all-wingnut safe district thanks to redistricting.

Terry September 9, 2011 at 4:32 pm

From your lips to God's ears.

Pristine_ODummy September 9, 2011 at 5:02 pm

And, she's allowed to do it as late as June of next year, by which time she'll have been beaten flatter than a pancake by her fellow-Rethuglies.
http://www.minnpost.com/politicalagenda/2011/06/1

Geminisunmars September 9, 2011 at 4:37 pm

She'd better get a new hairdresser then.

BarackMyWorld September 9, 2011 at 3:09 pm

This is good news for John McCain.

AlterNewt September 9, 2011 at 3:14 pm

But bad news for the glitter business.

HelmutNewton September 9, 2011 at 3:10 pm

She seemed catatonic here too. Where's the crazy-eyed lunatic that we all know and love? Somebody tell her to lay off the anti-depressants!

metamarcisf September 9, 2011 at 3:16 pm

It's the anti-anxiety meds like alprazolam that are affecting her this way. It's beginning to be noticeable.

Pristine_ODummy September 9, 2011 at 3:34 pm

She barely lifted her fake-fringed eyes from her teleprompter, or notes, or whatever she was reading from.

weejee September 9, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Well she is showing the decreased brain volume side effect of Thorazine. But she missed out on the enlarged breasts. Oh well, Marcus wouldn't notice now would he?

BarackMyWorld September 9, 2011 at 3:11 pm

You know who else was egomaniacal and gave non-sensical speeches designed to appeal to national pride while scapegoating the wrong people?

valgal2342 September 9, 2011 at 3:13 pm

W?

weejee September 9, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Generalissimo Pinochet?

Mumbletypeg September 9, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Per your reply: interesting bit w/ Ariel Dorfman, yesterday's Democracy Now on related topic, btw~

weejee September 9, 2011 at 4:05 pm

In several ways. Since 9/11/73 was when the CIA whacked Allende and put Pinochet in charge.

HelmutNewton September 9, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Mussolini?

nounverb911 September 9, 2011 at 3:18 pm

John Galt?

SorosBot September 9, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Jesus?

Biel_ze_Bubba September 9, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Ronald Reagan, actually.

Mumbletypeg September 9, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Marion "Pat" Robertson?

HarryButtle September 9, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Prince Humperdinck?

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 9, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Mel Gibson?

Pristine_ODummy September 9, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Hitler!

Me FTW, YAY! What did I win?

Pristine_ODummy September 9, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Thanks, everybody, for leaving "Hitler" for me!

sunmusing September 9, 2011 at 4:49 pm

i was about to ask it anybody saw ya.

Pristine_ODummy September 9, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Thanks, sunmusing. I'm always late to the party. It was very nice of y'all not to pick my chosen answer. :)

flamingpdog September 9, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Dude, I got thumbed down yesterday for noting that no one had said Hitler after 15 responses to a similar question. Someone need to 'splain the "Hitler Rule" once and for all.

Devilette September 9, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Caribou Barbie

finallyhappy September 9, 2011 at 3:47 pm

The evil mother in Enchanted?

HistoriCat September 9, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Moamar Gaddafi?

chicken_thief September 9, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Lee Iacocca when he was trying to pawn those piece of shit Chrysler K cars off on us?

BTWBFDIMHO September 9, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Mario Moreno Cantinflas?

Limeylizzie September 9, 2011 at 7:38 pm

Love you for the Cantinflas reference.

gurukalehuru September 9, 2011 at 5:06 pm

The Grand Duke of Fenwick?

flamingpdog September 9, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Oscar the Grouch?

GOPCrusher September 9, 2011 at 5:46 pm

Ivan The Terrible?

starfanglednut September 9, 2011 at 3:11 pm

"Pray to the Sewage Monster, Michele"

You mean the santorum monster, don't you?

MissusBarry September 9, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Twin monsters, separated at birth.

chascates September 9, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Her remarks on Obama's speech:
“You don’t create jobs until you grow the economy. That’s how it works in the real world. I’ve been a part of the real world for all throughout my life.”

weejee September 9, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Psychosis is real; the owners-of-same's grasp on reality perhaps not so much.

fuflans September 9, 2011 at 3:35 pm

actually no shelley you've only ever worked for the government.

Terry September 9, 2011 at 4:06 pm

And she never noticed what's up with her husband?

Troglodeity September 9, 2011 at 4:29 pm

No – did she really say that???

Her fact-checkers are still asleep at the switch.

gurukalehuru September 9, 2011 at 5:08 pm

I am a human being!!!

Lascauxcaveman September 9, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Well, Rollins quit the Michele campaign, so that must mean it's out of money, anyway.

Oblios_Cap September 9, 2011 at 3:14 pm

What did the hell did she catch when she liplocked the Chimp? It seems like that Monkey Flu certainly is wreaking havoc on her higher brain function – or what's left of it.

SayItWithWookies September 9, 2011 at 3:14 pm

We mustn't resort to the same failed policies that have kept us teetering on the edge of disaster — we must instead resort to the successful policies that started the avalanche that got us here.

DaSandman September 9, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Michele, how does one get a middle name like "Roofie?"

Don't tell me, let me guess….

Chillwaver September 9, 2011 at 3:15 pm

As her nemesis Dick Ferry once said, Adios, Mofo.

RadioEnron9/11 September 9, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Shorter: Mr. President, you and your policies have failed, and anything you propose will fail. Free markets.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard September 9, 2011 at 3:27 pm

What would happen if he supported free markets (as if he doesn't support them already)? In Bachmann-Bizarro world, they'd fail too then?

philpjfry September 9, 2011 at 3:17 pm

If God were to split the sky, pat Barry on the head and say "I am well pleased" These fuckers would still bitch

Biel_ze_Bubba September 9, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Provided that God keeps Perry in the head forever, I'd also be well pleased.

Pristine_ODummy September 9, 2011 at 3:37 pm

They'd bitch extra that God was favouring the Muslin, and he ain't even white.

Troglodeity September 9, 2011 at 4:31 pm

They'd demand to see God's birth certificate. And don't get them started on Jesus Christ.

chicken_thief September 9, 2011 at 4:33 pm

They'd all be Evolutionists before Obummer could say "thanks, dude".

LowProfileinGA September 9, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Musiln god doesn't count.

jus_wonderin September 9, 2011 at 3:17 pm

I love that I get an Estee Lauder ad pop-up over that video. How appropriate.

Pristine_ODummy September 9, 2011 at 3:38 pm

I'm surprised it ain't gardening tools. You know she shovels the gunk on with a spade.

prommie September 9, 2011 at 3:18 pm

I hear worse every day, all day, from 9 to 5, from the office next to mine. I'm hearing it now. Its killing me slowly, a little bit, each day, killing me, just like Obama's policies are killing America.

ProudLibunatic September 9, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Nooooo!
You have to hang on, Prommie!

My dentist used to play Fox News, (as if I wasn't uncomfortable enough).

SorosBot September 9, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Stories like this make me feel lucky, working for a plaintiffs' firm in the city; people here mostly say the same type of things about the GOP as on Wonkette, only with less fucks and shits thrown in.

ApplesauceRobot September 9, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Damnit. I just finished my 2012-2016 household budget that used her $2 a gallon numbers.

jus_wonderin September 9, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Did you use a pencil or a pen???

Come here a minute September 9, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Crayon would be more appropriate.

GOPCrusher September 9, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Odd, how when gas was 4 bucks a gallon during the summer of 2008, it was the invisible hand of the free market, and we should all be thankful that Exxon/Mobil was raking in record profits. Now it's all President Obama's fault.

prommie September 9, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Oh, and Kirsten, shouldn't you attribute the idea for this article? Surely you read the comment on the blackout article in which the very witty reader said, referring to the million gallons of sewage, that they thought it was the wit and wisdom of Michele Bachmann being emitted in liquid form? And then you compare this speach to a sewage discharge? Come on, tell us, thats you, Carlos Mencia, isn't it?

On edit, it was this post by: "3.2 million gallons of sewage? What happened, did they release the collective wit and wisdom of Newt Gingrich in liquid form? Or did his Port-a-Potty fall over?"

HistoriCat September 9, 2011 at 4:00 pm

OK prommie – try to retain a little dignity.

LetUsBray September 9, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Aw, that post is more dignified than Neut's ever been. I'll bet it never served its wife divorce papers while she was in the hospital with cancer, either.

Sharkey September 9, 2011 at 4:21 pm

I have noticed a pattern of comments later turning into KBJ posts. It might be a stretch in this case given that Newt is not Michele. Can't say it really bothers me much but a hat tip is considered noble.

elviouslyqueer September 9, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Oh Shelley, the only reason why the POTUS is "politically paralyzed" is because you and your fellow GOP crybabies and Percoset-addicted two-year-olds won't let him do anything because you hate the fact that he's BLACK.

Shut up, go back to Minnesota, and dive into a nice big bottle of cyanide tabs because, let's face it, you've been voted off the island and irrelevancy awaits.

Monsieur_Grumpe September 9, 2011 at 3:28 pm

She belongs to Iowa now.

DaSandman September 9, 2011 at 3:29 pm

EQ, it all just plays into my theroy that Barry is the Jackie Robinson of America politics. He is paving the way for the next person of color/woman/gay/muslim American who gets the top slot.

God love him.

jus_wonderin September 9, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Ah, could we give Barry a bat to carry around?

Sharkey September 9, 2011 at 4:24 pm

He has drones with robot arms wielding bats instead.

Chet Kincaid September 9, 2011 at 6:04 pm

I will predict, again, that the next serious Democratic black politician who might think about running for President (should be Deval Patrick) will have to deal with a whiteguy-malaprop-article from Politico or WaPo or somewhere saying that the nation has "Black President Fatigue." This will spark predictable outrage for obvious reasons, while white folks acknowledge in non-mixed company that the nation has "Black President Fatigue."

capnhuggyface September 9, 2011 at 3:23 pm

maybe she should have looked to the side of the room instead of directly into the camera — that seemed to work well for her last televised speech

jus_wonderin September 9, 2011 at 3:30 pm

That speech reminded me of any commercial with a dog. The animal is always looking at the trainer, not the actor talking to it.

Chet Kincaid September 9, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Marcus was holding a treat.

Barb September 9, 2011 at 3:33 pm

She was only looking to the side of the room to keep an eye out for illegal Messicans.

ProgressiveInga September 9, 2011 at 4:19 pm

And/or lesbians.

Goonemeritus September 9, 2011 at 3:24 pm

I’m sure even Pol Pot still has some supporters; Michele just needs to get out there and take her massage to every highway underpass in our great nation. One day the glass ceiling will shatter and a women will be crowned Queen of all hobo’s.

prommie September 9, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Not if old Stink-eye has any say.

Goonemeritus September 9, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Damn now I can’t edit my spelling mistake. That said she might have more luck giving hobo’s massages then trying to get them to listen to her message.

Mumbletypeg September 9, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Bindlestiffs by their very nature probably could use a massage even more than a message.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 9, 2011 at 3:31 pm

As if hobos didn't have enough problems.

Pristine_ODummy September 9, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Either that or some of her constituents will leave their comfy spots under the bridge and chase her with no good purpose in mind.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 9, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Marcus will not let her candidacy die, as how can he concentrate on "converting" teh ghayez if Michelle is always around the house?

Monsieur_Grumpe September 9, 2011 at 3:25 pm

It has been a wild ride huh Michele. Enjoy the downhill coasting.

She does have that beaten down look. Marcus must be bitch slappin' her again. While I'm sure sissy slaps don't hurt that much I almost feel sorry for her. Almost.

Is it beer o'clock yet?

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 9, 2011 at 3:33 pm

It is always beer o' clock somewhere. That's what keeps me going…, or, more accurately, passed out on the sofa.

BklynIlluminati September 9, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Don't worry Michelle you won't be alone at the bottom, good ol' Newt and Santorum are already there waiting for you

Ayn Rand Paul Tard September 9, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Newt: What is this I'm standing in? It's all over my shoes.

jus_wonderin September 9, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Well, if we are talkin' bottom, won't Marcus be there too?

Troglodeity September 9, 2011 at 4:33 pm

I'll bet she already has some santorum around her house. "Marcus!!!"

poncho_pilot September 9, 2011 at 3:30 pm

later on that evening in the Bachmann household…
http://youtu.be/XOILKHmZBwc

elviouslyqueer September 9, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Oh, I rather imagined it went something like this.

poncho_pilot September 9, 2011 at 4:19 pm

nice! oddly enough that reminds of both this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_5sQyHnbY4

and this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAeqVGP-GPM

donner_froh September 9, 2011 at 3:31 pm

She needs to start washing down her anti-psychotic meds with shots of vodka. That should perk her up pretty well.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard September 9, 2011 at 3:32 pm

I would totally agree with her. If I was a lunatic out of touch with reality.

Everything he's tried hasn't worked, and what ever he's going to try won't work, and what ever he's thinking about trying and then doing the opposite of that won't work. Even the things he ISN'T thinking of trying and not doing won't work. How did this guy even get to be preznit anyway?

jus_wonderin September 9, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Isn't this the premise of Source Code, or Brokeback Mountain, for that matter?

Ayn Rand Paul Tard September 9, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Also see: Sliding Doors/Gwyneth 'GOOP' Paltrow's entire life.

baconzgood September 9, 2011 at 3:34 pm

So her "press conference" was pretty much like masterbation if no one covered it live.

Eve8Apples September 9, 2011 at 3:40 pm

People would have watched the "press conference" if she had masturbated and not said anything.

SorosBot September 9, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Hey now, there are certain websites that cover masturbation live.

baconzgood September 9, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Several of them have my AMEX number.

jus_wonderin September 9, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Bacon, if you kindly give me that number I will check to make sure it is safe from Identity thieves.

baconzgood September 9, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Some Ugandan prince has it. You see he needed to hide money in my bank account. He's going to give me 10% of all the money he hides. He's a nice guy and introduced me to a Russian Model that's going to marry me.

JoshuaNorton September 9, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Dear Michele. I'm having some friends over tonight. Do you serve red or white wine with mood stabilzers?

tihond September 9, 2011 at 3:50 pm

All of them, Katie.

AJWjr. September 9, 2011 at 11:58 pm

Reds=Seconal, whites=benzedrine, so all of them is correct.

Sue4466 September 9, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Well, thank god she doesn't use a teleprompter like that smartypants Obama.

Nope, notes on the podium in front work just fine.

Eve8Apples September 9, 2011 at 3:39 pm

If she wants to boost her audience, she should just eat state fair corn dogs in front of the cameras.

El Pinche September 9, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Shotty POV porn though. "LOOK AT THE CAMERA!!!"

Pristine_ODummy September 9, 2011 at 5:27 pm

She used to sell DVDs of her vacuuming the house in high heels, IIRC, to raise "funds."

fuflans September 9, 2011 at 3:41 pm

this is only slightly off topic and speaking of sewage and porn:

i just posted the ads for our annual blowout garage sale and sent them to my friends. one of them just wrote back and asked if i was interested in selling gay porn.

too right.

jus_wonderin September 9, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Wow, you have cool garage sales.

Troglodeity September 9, 2011 at 4:35 pm

The first-ever garage sale with an "Over 18" aisle.

RadioEnron9/11 September 9, 2011 at 4:51 pm

And, are you interested in buying gay porn?

Devilette September 9, 2011 at 3:41 pm

If she backs out from the prez race, will she try for her old seat or try a run at Senate (Amy K's seat)? I know she said she wouldn't try for Rep seat, but we all know how that goes.

Rotundo_ September 9, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Who knows what "god" will tell her to do? Her relationship with him seems to be one of those Magic 8 ball things where she keeps praying until she gets the answer from him she wants. Or does Marcus hide just out of eyeshot and do his best James Earl Jones imitation and play her like the fool she is?

Guppy06 September 9, 2011 at 3:55 pm

By my reckoning, this leaves Santorum as the only true-believer Teabagger left in the race.

EDIT: Here, let me expand…

Romney: Romneycare
Perry: Crypto-librul
Cain: Vested interest in keeping people too poor/stupid to buy good pizza
Huntsman: Actually worked for/with Hussein Obama
Paul: Wouldn't execute teh gheys without a constitutional amendment
Gingrich: Too "career politician" and not "Mavericky" enough.

Without Bachmann, this leaves Santorum as the only asshat who actually believes the vile things he says.

RadioEnron9/11 September 9, 2011 at 4:52 pm

999

x111e7thst September 9, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Michele, listen to me, you need to step up the crazy. Like when you got that lip-lock on the Shrub after the State of the Union. Except this time you should punch someone. I suggest Newt or Rick Santorum. No one likes them and they are too wimpy to hit you back.

Tommmcattt September 9, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Out of curiosity, what would constitute our "kind of porn"? Bernie Sanders reading excerpts from Noam Chomsky while the soundtrack wafts out Rufus Wainright's last two albums?

Just wonderin'.

elviouslyqueer September 9, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Bernie Sanders Alan Grayson reading excerpts from Noam Chomsky Herbert Marcuse and early Susan Sontag while the soundtrack wafts out Rufus Wainright's Erasure's last two albums?

Fixed. And FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.

prommie September 12, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Socialized medicine; universal single-payor government health care, thats my porn.

elviouslyqueer September 9, 2011 at 4:33 pm

DRUDGE SIRENS

What the lamestream media doesn't want you to know! The true, uncensored GOP response to Michele Bachmann's remarks.

chicken_thief September 9, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Being in touch with my feminine catty side today, I think One L should just go away. But whoever does her fucking hair should be shot.

fartknocker September 9, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Michelle, the one true winner in your exercise in democracy is Country Singer Randy Travis. He laughed all the way to the bank while saying thanks for sponsoring him at the Iowa Fried Butterfest Electionpalooza.

JimNauseam September 9, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Good lord, I think I almost feel sorry for her. Is there a Pray-Away clinic for THAT?

mavenmaven September 9, 2011 at 5:20 pm

I actually tried to watch the full talk on youtube but ended up almost gouging out my eyes and ears. And does she really have no insight into how absurd her words are, about the "free market" creating jobs? The "free market" is why we have no industry in this country any more.

JackObin September 9, 2011 at 5:50 pm

That woman needs either a good screwing or a lobotomy. I volunteer only for the latter.

Chet Kincaid September 9, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Oh, how can anyone regard that overmedicated hag when the Fair Queen Of Wistful Divorce sits in the next div over, gazing fretfully into the future?! She walks in beauty, like the night…

Come here a minute September 9, 2011 at 8:40 pm

Michele's troubles are over! With her appearance on the Tonight Show next Friday, get ready for the huge "Leno Bump".

ttommyunger September 9, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Shit! I can smell that Xanax-breath from here.

buffalogal September 9, 2011 at 9:59 pm

Wow! That was shockingly bad … even for her. She looks just defeated and pathetic. What happened to our old spunky bat shit crazy eyes Michele?

AznMom420 September 10, 2011 at 3:37 am

I know how to fix the recession started by the bank crisis, GET MORE FUCKING BANKS YEAH BITCHES.
- The Free Market Maverick

BZ1 September 10, 2011 at 2:37 pm

The only buzz about the Bachmann campaign are the flies circling around…

User3665 September 11, 2011 at 1:02 am

I decided to read a left-wing blog to see what types of comments you folks were making. It's really as bad as I thought. Personal attack after personal attack. Things about her appearance, her makeup, falsely accusing her of being a drug addict, etc, etc…Just think what you would write if a right-wing blog said these things about a female leftist candidate. Your heads would explode. Interestingly, none of you have taken the time to debate or make counterpoints to what Bachmann actually said. She makes more sense in 5 minutes than Obama does in 3 years. I know it's like arguing with a wall, but I will say it anyway. This president is destroying our country. Whether or not it is purposeful or accidental has not been decided yet, but he is indeed destroying us. EVERYTHING has turned to crap under Obama—everything. How can you continue to support this guy? It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Is your hatred for George Bush so intense that you are unable to see the forest for the trees??

jus_wonderin September 9, 2011 at 3:34 pm

"Perry is out where the buses don't run."

Out where he can't even hear Mommie call him in for dinner?

OT: My brother Paul and I used to be way back on the property. We'd hear a crow caw and yell back toward the house "Moooom, not yet."

jus_wonderin September 9, 2011 at 4:02 pm

I understand. I am still waiting for the deed to my beach front property in Arizona and a bridge to be delivered. I got it for a steal.

HistoriCat September 9, 2011 at 4:08 pm

If you need a little pharmaceutical enhancement for those special moments with that Russian model, I can get you some medications which will help out – if you know what I mean.

SorosBot September 9, 2011 at 4:10 pm

I'm gonna make a killing off the bridge I just bought too. It's in Minnesota…

Pristine_ODummy September 10, 2011 at 10:17 pm

Here it is then: Hitler is always the right answer to the question, unless it isn't; please wait for *me* to post Hitler, and don't just gad about casually poaching it as if I didn't exist.

Howzat?

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: