Since Perry is a Democrat, he was probably planning to 'donkey punch' Dr. Paul, which is treason.Dr. Ron Paul’s portion of the Internet is goin’ nutz over the rumored grab-ass Rick Perry was trying to strong-arm Doctor Congressman Paul with, during the Reagan Gravesite Debate. Why is Rick Perry such a violent psychopath? Does he just hate freedom so much that he went over and tried to beat up a whiny old man in view of a thousand cameras?

According to the main websites of Middle Earth, the neocon globalist fraud Rick Perry waited until a commercial break to prance over to Doctor Paul’s lectern and grab the congressman’s arm, all hard-ass-like (if a hard-ass can wear a big poofy ’70s wig), and then wagged his manicured finger at the Doctor of the Constitution!

But the good doktor himself dismissed it all, according to a thing posted this morning by industry newsletter The Hill:

Rep. Pon Paul (R-Tex.) dismissed Internet rumors that Texas Governor Rick Perry had tried to intimidate him during a commercial break at the Republican debate Wednesday night, saying that there were no “cross words” exchanged between the two ….

“A picture came out last night, it’s on the Internet this morning, with .. I think the governor of Texas, or something? We had several governors up there, but truth was I never met him before,” Paul joked.

That’s not a “joke,” you monsters! That’s a brutalized old man suffering elder abuse who is valiantly trying to maintain his dignity in the face of neocon violence. ARREST RICK PERRY. GO RON PAUL. [The Hill]

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  • The dinglePerry pet-your-hair threat is imminent.

    L. Ron Paul does not possess deep pile though.

    • poncho_pilot

      not a deep pile of hair, anyway.

  • Paultards, paranoid? NEVER!!!!

    • Pristine_ODummy

      They're palpitating over at Politico or Mediaite or whichever shitbag of effluent is carrying the story. Paultards whining about the fear of what DinglePerry will do to their Beloved Herr Doktor, while simultaneously whining about how much they need sleep. Or worrying about all those "lone wolves" that they and the teabaggage have created, to gun down America's abortion providers and uppity negroes and wimminz.

    • Not only Paultards are paranoid, but also fucking delusional: they are absolutely convinced that Ron Paul won the debate even though he got less than 2 minutes of camera time.

      • Tommmcattt


        …or whatever.

        • emmelemm


          There's never a bad time to dust off "Tippecanoe and Tyler too!" Honorable mention to "54-40 Or Fight!"

          • Tommmcattt

            I like Ike.

        • SorosBot


  • nounverb911

    Perry forgot his contacts and thought he was fondling Marcus.

  • Barb

    I think Rick was just wagging his finger at Ron to show him how his father-in-law also does his prostate exams and not just his vasectomy.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Rick's father-in-law did the vasectomy? I'm amazed he left his worthless son-in-law anything to schtup with.

      Or maybe that's Ricky's problem.

    • TimWasTim

      A vasectomy is a form of birth control, no?

    • He was explaining to the good Dr. how to eat a corn dog like a REAL Texan.

  • Tundra Grifter

    That's a question I really don't want to hear answered.

    Meanwhile, Mr. Paul said "…but truth was I never met him before." Aside from the obvious fact that when people say "truth was" or "honestly" or "to tell you the truth" they are almost always telling a lie, that statement could be made by most $20 hookers.

    • Same when you hear any public figure respond in a televised interview, "Absolutely…" or " 'Absolutely' not." Nothing reeks more of ambivalence, to me, than making that the start of any statement.

  • CZL

    Arguing over who is the bigger asshole from Texas.

    • nounverb911

      All of them, Katie.

  • Indiepalin

    "We've executed older guys than you, Congressman Wingnut!"

    • El Pinche

      "I was tending to your god damn ear infections when you were nut high, Governor Sheeples!!

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Geez, I was just trying to pick a booger out of his nose. You'd have thought I said "raise taxes"!

  • GregComlish

    Let the Perry Pounding Commence!

    • hagajim

      Where's Marcus Bachmann when you need him?

    • NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

      Ricky Perry the Neocon: Stephen King's Dead Zone candidate

  • Perry was just letting good doctor Blimp know about a great Noam Chomsky op ed over at Al Jazeera, obvs.

    • V572 T-Blow

      Can we get Mr Chomsky into a rhetoric class before he delivers his next screed? Then he could learn to write in pithy bumper-sticker quotes like that other well-intentioned Scold of the Left, Robert "Shorty" Reich.

      • I'll give ya, that the Noamster isn't quite as crisp as he was back in the day (when Trotsky was still around, perhaps). Sorta like Joe Paterno, we love ya, but retire already. Of the Rethug debasers, likely only Huntsman, and perhaps Mittens / Newtie would have a clue about Dr. Noam.

        • V572 T-Blow

          Well it was still worth risking our Facility Security Clearance to visit an al Jazeera Website.

          • AJWjr.

            Hahaha, you used the 'puter at your own desk? Rookie mistake…

        • Arken

          He might have great points to make these days, but I'm not sure because I always fall asleep before he gets to them.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Yes, an interesting (if redundant and verbose) article.

      At least it wasn't "Jews did 9/11."

  • Grief_Lessons

    I think it's time for a president who grabs whomever he disagrees with by the lapels and just slams their head into the goddamn table over and over again. It's the only way to make America great again.

    • Geminisunmars

      Just like we've been advocating for Obama to do.

      • BerkeleyBear

        Speak for yourself. I just want my heterosexual man crush to stay the classy, smoooooth mutha he's always been. Even when he went "angry" last night, he still killed them with kindness.

        • Geminisunmars

          Not meant as a factual statement.

          • Grief_Lessons

            Aaah, you liberals always puss out when you need to just forge ahead. Lapels/Skullcrushing 2012!

          • BerkeleyBear

            Sorry. I've seen too many people here and elsewhere arguing that he's a failure because he isn't physically beating the shit out of everyone in the name of progressive ideals lately.

    • GOPCrusher

      USA! USA! USA!

  • DemonicRage

    It will be so great when President Perry takes this approach when standing near Vladimir Putin. Buy stock now in bomb shelter home construction kits.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Perry's a dickless wonder. Vladi is the real thing. He'll have Perry upended over the nearest piece of furniture and his dick sunk all the way to Perry's tonsils in two seconds flat. Li'l Ricky can show us his modified cowboy strut then, you betcha.

      • BerkeleyBear

        Former KGB is not so much into open man rape, no? Is more like to smile, listen, and then, in seeming to be nice gesture, rub lustrous hair of the Perry with thalium. Then when the Perry whine and beg for antitdote, smile, punch in belly so drops to knees and then, how you say, tea bag for a while, yes?

        • Pristine_ODummy


          All I know is, I wouldn't want to be anywhere near Putin without bodyguards, witnesses, and a guaranteed escape.

          • Chichikovovich

            Don't forget: a cyanide pill hidden in a false molar, crunchable without the use of hands, to cover the worst case.

      • freakishlywrong

        How my dick tate?

  • From the article:

    We had several governors up there, but truth was I never met him before…Truth is, I wish it were a much more interesting story. I don't even recall the moment that was occurring and I don't remember exactly what he said…"

    Truth is, Ron, you do have an interesting story in that: your first-ever opportunity to meet the longtime governor of your state, a high-profile one at that, finally arrives and yet you have NO RECOLLECTION of how this exchange went down. This appeals to me for Presidential material — i.e. able to hold forth in public interaction and dialogue with key decision-makers and world leaders without forgetting it all the next day — about as much as your fellow high-pitched vocalizer Newt does.

    • Geminisunmars

      Alzheimers much?

    • Nostrildamus

      As if Perry would have ever said something worth remembering.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Does Ron Paul just boycott every public function that isn't a Presidential debate? Rick Perry's been a state-wide office holder for something like 20 years, and Paul's never met him? How the hell does that happen?

      • HempDogbane

        Reaganesque ! Want a Jelly Belly?

  • Eve8Apples

    Rick was encouraged by the crowd's wild applause when he mentioned how much he loves killin' folks.

    • poncho_pilot

      also starring: Rick Perry as Beef Supreme.

  • savethispatient

    Lets hope they don't descend into a battle of wits… because, you know, that could take a really long time…

    • Geminisunmars

      Nah – it would be over before it begun.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Sweetie, they couldn't muster half a wit between the both of them with help. I suspect it will be the shortest battle in human history. Hell, amoeboid history.

  • flamingpdog

    "How many fingers am I holding up, Dr. Paul?"

  • Come here a minute

    Perry's just pissed the paultards nixed his NAFTA superhighway deal.

  • SmutBoffin


    • Pristine_ODummy

      And my sword.

  • freakishlywrong

    "Pull muh finger, bitch."

  • fuflans


  • poncho_pilot

    "he went for a walk in the park…and got lost for hours." –Alzheimer's PSA seen on bus.

  • baconzgood

    2 men enter one man leave!

    • widestanceshakedown

      2 men eat shoot and leave

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      2 politicos 1 podium

  • chicken_thief

    Hey, he could have gone all Aaron Burr, 2nd Amendment-y on Wrong Paul's ass.

  • SilverTsunami

    "I've got one word for you, Paul. Plastics."

    • jus_wonderin

      "I've got two words for you, Perry. Bite me!"

    • AJWjr.


  • slithytoves

    My God, I love that disco dancing kitty! Irrelevant and fun, unlike Perry and Paul, who are irrelevant and..*yawn.* Where was I?

    • Geminisunmars

      I love it too! And its platform. At least someone in that picture has a platform I can appreciate.

  • salt_bagel

    My parents always told me: There is Good Touch and Bad Touch, and if somebody does Bad Touch to you, it is the result of market forces.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Show me on the dolly where the bad man touched you, salt_bagel.

  • OneDollarJuana

    Doesn't look like harassment at all. Paul doesn't look anything like a corndog.

    • TimWasTim

      But look how Paul is dressed!

  • flamingpdog

    ♪ "One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do.
    Two can be as bad as one,
    It's the loneliest number since the number one." ♪

    • Thumbing this without understanding it… but only b/c I was recently browsing earlier wonk-exchange about the merits of a certain film soundtrack..

      EDIT: first link fixed

      • flamingpdog


        For added flavor re my snark, there was a story floating around at the time the song came out that "one" was a code word for homosexuality, although there appears to have been nothing to that story.

        Aimee Mann is one of many who covered the song.

  • metamarcisf

    "You'll get your chance, smart guy!"

  • SmutBoffin

    Is Dr. Ron getting propositioned? "OK, Dr. Hobbit, but money up front. And hands off of the hair."

  • jus_wonderin

    Someone needs to Photoshop that moving the finger just a bit to the right. And I am certain there is a photo with Perry's mouth open to edit into the frame.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Rick, Rick, darling. You can't just walk up to an old dude you fancy and start with the whole foreplay thing. You've got to be subtle and explain to him that while sticks and stones may break your bones, chains and whips excite you.

    The more you know.

  • Pragmatist2

    Wasn't Ron Paul the candidate for the Libertine Party? So rough sex is no big surprise.

  • Buzz Feedback

    "You're a doctor. Smell my finger."

  • fuflans

    it's going to be a long campaign isn't it?

    • proudgrampa

      Will someone please just wake me up in January, 2013? I just don't think I am going to be able to take mush more of this.

      • Graham Cracker

        OK,I'll wake you—unless the Mayans were right, of course!

    • LiveToServeYa

      With all the funny hats in the ring, yes.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Yes, darling. It is. Agonizingly long.


    Perry: "Read my lips: no more Social Security for you, Doctor Ron".

  • edgydrifter

    Moneybombs, firebombs, prayerbombs–this is like two idiots earnestly assembling the worst Magic: The Gathering deck ever.

  • GOPCrusher

    Maybe it's just me, but the Paultards seem even more batshyt insane this election cycle.

    • poncho_pilot

      someone must have spilled the chum bucket.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      They recognize that the jig is up soon. Ron Paul might just kack in the middle of this election cycle.

      • 102415

        Don't say that. Rand or Rim, whatever, would swoop in and fucking win.

    • SorosBot

      I'm just surprised they haven't come over here yet; remember, in 2008 they flocked to any post that mentions Mr. Paul, and they're doing the same on some other sites this year. I guess registering with IntenseDebate is against the Free Market or something.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I can't say that I'm exactly disappointed by the thought of RonPaulologists selecting Rick Perry as the objet-du-jour of their whining ire.

  • LettucePrey

    We all know how Ron Paul loves it when "a queer puts a hit on him."

    • widestanceshakedown

      I was thinking of that scene, too.

  • prommie

    There's the republican party, 2011, right there, folks. A rootin' tootin' gun-toting science-denying Texas cowboy christian executioner, and a crazy old libertarian crank who thinks government regulations caused 9-11 and armed anarchy would be the perfect society.

  • "Ron, have you ever seen me gum a corndog before?"

  • smitallica

    "Smell my finger, Ron. It smells like NEITHER OF US EVER BEING PRESIDENT, EVER."

  • Mojopo

    "I used to like your records until you called Fiddy a fag."

  • Guppy06

    Recommending the #1 best hair salon in Texas.

  • Terry

    Honestly, of all people, Ron Paul probably has a really thick skin. He's been spouting the crazy consistently for years. Callouses have to have built up.

  • Oblios_Cap

    The moving finger writes, and having written, moves on.

    And it spells out "ReLOVEution!

  • AlterNewt

    Two Texas conservatives going at it?

    Just place your bets and give 'em room.

    • HarryButtle

      Needz moar weapons.

  • tihond

    "Dear Texas Stud Magazine, I never thought it would happen to me, but I was at my first debate and…"

  • jus_wonderin

    This is not fair. This ONE frame does not tell the entire story.

    "1: I'm going to loosen your tie.
    2: I am going to pour you a glass of wine and offer you a seat.
    3. I'm going to kneel down in front of you and take off your shoes and rub your feet.
    4: I'm going to disrobe then pull myself around on the carpet with only my elbows while singing "Who loves you pretty baby?… Who's gonna help you through the night? Who loves you pretty mama?… Who's always there to make it right?

    • prommie

      And after that, "Girl, You'll be a Woman Soon."

  • widestanceshakedown

    Perry told Paul, "not even DNA will save your liver-spotted ass if I say pull the switch."

  • MrFizzy

    All we need is to throw Marcus Bachmann into the mix and we'll have the most surreal pissing contest ever.

  • baconzgood

    Is Ron getting the "you don't mess with Tex-Ass" talking to?

  • DaSandman

    Rickie was just checking out the possibility of some september – december wide stance toilet stall romance…

  • LiveToServeYa

    I dub thee Rick 'Sauron' Perry

    • Nostrildamus

      The Brown Eye of Sauron

      • Pristine_ODummy

        Oh geezus, Nostril!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Maybe Kinky Freidman will write a song about this Texas showdown.

  • AlterNewt

    "You're a doctor, right? Does this look infected?"

  • "Ron, you don't realize how much money you could be making selling Amway products."

  • widestanceshakedown

    Paul is seriously considering Perry's offer to meet in a hotel room to dicuss sports (and then go to the edge–and keep going).

    I mean, it'd be a nice change of pace from the cold sweat-lubed handjobs in his supporters' mother's basements.

  • ttommyunger

    Relax, Wonketeers. These are two Texans. They refer to this simply as "foreplay".

  • MinAgain

    Rick Perry, you have just become Paultard Enemy No. 1. Can an inexplicable bumper sticker be far behind?

  • jakegittes

    Perry was inviting Paul over Saturday night for a viewing of the Zapruder film. Hint, hint.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left.

  • SorosBot

    Yes, brief physical contact like that is just so very threatening, no the Paultards aren't overreacting at all.

  • MLite

    Wait, so a long-serving Republican Texas Congressman has never met the longest serving Republican Governor of Texas?

    • proudgrampa

      Yeah, I caught that one, too. A little difficult to believe.


      He doesn't recall. Al-Zheimer's.

  • Rick (Bad Touch) Perry.
    There are some people in this world who don't understand the concept of personal space.

  • Weenus299

    Look at those two awesome haircuts, side by side.

  • hagajim

    He was just showin' the good Doc how he plans to finger bang Merika!

  • Slim_Pickins

    Dr. Paul is a republican congressman from Texas who has never met the republican governor of Teaxs? I call either bullshit or retard!

  • proudgrampa

    Ron Paul always has that "deer in the headlights" look.

  • Rotundo_

    Why do I have a feeling that someone (psst-Karl-psst) is going to drop a big one on Rickster with considerable aid and comfort from much of the republican establishment? Ricky came in large and loud and I have this feeling he will go out that way as well. Many asses have been frosted with this one coming into the contest. The knives must be sharpening up quickly…

  • Nostrildamus

    Rick likes to feel 'em before he executes 'em.

  • BklynIlluminati

    What shoulda happened is after Perry grabbed his arm Paul should have pimpslapped him and said "bitch who you stepping too?" Then Perry lets free an uppercut grabs Paul and suplexs him but meanwhile running from backstage its RAND!! he goes underneath the ring and grabs a metal folding chair and slams Perry with it! Followed by Mittens jumping in and kicking Perry while he is down….oh wait sorry i thought this was the WWF

    • jus_wonderin

      That's okay, that's okay. Go on. Are there Ring Babes carrying signs?????

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Hey, keep going. I sense all kinds of commercial possibilities here.

  • Bullshit! (slap) Retard! (slap) Bullshit! (slap) Retard! (slap) It's Bullshit AND Retarded!

  • SaintRond

    If I was that old fart, I'd have bit his fuckin' nose off.

    Peace… God bless…

  • Shades of LBJ.

    Oh, and btw that slip and fall ad is even more suggestive than Kortney's Cucumber


    Ron Paul was also abused by Marcus Bachmann after the debate.

  • 102415

    You are forgetting that Ron is an isolationist. He just doesn't care about some useless spendy state government person. And considering what a Texas governor actually does( make sure executions are on time) I can't blame him for not bothering to know exactly who he is.

  • "Just keep playing ball Old Man and the Bilderberg checks will keep coming"

  • prommie

    Perry is probably telling Ron how much he wants to tongue-punch his fartbox, I think thats the Texas way of saying it, is that it?

  • Doktor Zoom

    Ron Paul may be a Dr. but he is NOT a Doktor.

    That is all.

  • HelloDollyIV

    OK sure, I forgot my rubber glove . . .

  • Streiffert

    Poor Doctor Congressman Paul. He's been in the House of Representatives since Texas was a republic and he's never, ever been invited to meet Governor Goodhair. It's what happens when you give the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Junior his own holiday. America loses all sense of propriety.

  • zadocpaet

    It's hilarious watching the republicans scramble to find an excuse as to why they're against tax cuts. Another $450bn on the deficit is notning compared to what we'll gain.

    POLL: Was President Obama's jobs speech the right blue print for creating jobs?

  • Callyson

    Lame, very lame. LBJ did it better…

  • NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    Rick Perry waited until a commercial break to prance over to Ron Paul’s lectern

    another one bites the dust
    another one bites the dust
    and another one gone

  • JackObin

    Hey look, it's two Texas assholes. What a rare sight. Just imagine what a rare photo it would have been if Jesus were there with them.

    • Jesus would be like Moe, knocking their heads together and calling them numskulls.

  • As much as I'd love to waggle my finger in Ron Paul's face as I explain economics to him, Rick Perry doing just makes him look like an even bigger douchebag.

  • AJWjr.

    I think it had something to do with telling a long convoluted joke about Ron's wife aka Mrs. Paul and her fishsticks dicks and something something gay fish something.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Geez, go easy – Paul just can't remember because of PTSD (Paul Tard Schism Defense)…

  • BZ1

    was Perry packin'?

  • I believe that in Texas, someone grabbing your arm and threatening you is grounds to shoot them. If only Ron Paul was allowed to bring his gun into the Reagan Presidential Library, he would have been able to defend himself like a good American.

    Let see if the GOP psychopaths applaud that execution.

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