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Hot Video of Obama Making Fake Promises and GOP Talking Points

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The deficit is ... fascinating.Did you miss Obama’s big speech about how America is the Number One country in terms of vitriol, idiocy, obesity and unemployment? Well you will want to savor it, the way an out-of-work man savors the Honor of a president diligently working to, uh, destroy health and environmental regulations while, uh, reducing the federal deficit.

Oh wait, is that not it? Happy 45th Birthday, Star Trek! And Happy Third or Fifth Term to Bush Junior or Clinton or both, we guess. LET’S REFORM WELFARE OR SOMETHING, fucking poors ….

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Blendergoathead

    No Teabaggers freaked out and shit themselves. Next.

  • memzilla

    Well, at least Joe Wilson STFU'd for this Obama speech.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      Is he out of the hospital?

    • DarwinianDemon

      Perhaps he cut his vocal chords out like in that one episode of the Twilight Zone.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Weren't most of the real assholes playing hooky? Or maybe they were watching football on their (not so) smart phones.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    So THAT'S what Uhura & Spock's love child would have looked like!

    I thought Barry rocked it tonight–but I've had a few adult beverages.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      I've only had infant beverages, and I still thought Barry rocked it.

      So, is it true that Uhura and Spock were Barry's REAL parents, and he IS an alien after all, although from a different planet?

    • Nothingisamiss

      He did rock it. Ken's pretty much right about everything, but Barry rocked it. Gawd….let's hope he keeps going. I loved it.

    • AznMom420

      Visualize the name Uhura Obama, then journey there on my funkadelic mothership.

    • red_kira

      He rocked it. It was good. Fingers crossed. (And how pathetic is THAT?)

  • x111e7thst

    You LIE!11!1

  • Beetagger

    I'd better learn how to build bridges… Jesus needs reliable transportation for the second coming.

  • BarackMyWorld

    He's dead, Jim.

  • Come here a minute

    Reminds me of President Clinton's health care speech. That one really fired me up.

  • HolyCow!!

    I can only hear Kirk screaming, Kahn! Except, I think it's con in this case.

    • MOG2410

      Beeping and flashing.

  • DustBowlBlues

    I'd feel better if I hadn't watched Elliott Spitzer on Countdown. If he can't have any political fun, he doesn't want any of the rest to have any, either.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Spitzer on Countdown? Wow…the fall continues…

  • fuflans

    That boulder is too large. I could life a smaller one.

    </nerd>

    • OneDollarJuana

      Back in the '60s styrofoam was a godsend, not an environomental hazard. LOTS of styrofoam boulders on the original Star Trek.

      • Weenus299

        And Shatnerian tinnitus resulting from stage explosions.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I welcome our new Vulcan overlords.

    • ThundercatHo

      That would be the best possible outcome. Is the prototype warp engine ready to go or do we need to wait for WWIII?

  • flamingpdog

    I never noticed it before, but the Gorn does a real good John McCain imitation. HENGGH!!

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Now that you mention it …

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I'm more impressed with Romney's plan to build a "jobs machine".

    • Chichikovovich

      Well, if the gubbment would just get the hell out of the way John Galt could build his perpetual motion machine. But no, Obummer and his Demonrats won't give up their so-called "Laws" of "Thermodynamics".

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      That sounds patentable.

    • El Pinche

      Where's the powerpoint?

    • OneDollarJuana

      dunno. With mMost Republican jobs machines you put good 'Murican jobs in the top and you get little Chinese, albeit very shiny, jobs outa the bottom.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      I don't think you heard him right. I think he meant "Job machine," as in the Bible. You know, something to make you suffer as you are reduced to a lifetime of poverty and scraping your sores with potsherds and that kinda stuff.

    • Sparky_McGruff

      Why am I so tempted to say "Hey, Mitt! I've got a jobs machine right here! In my pants!"

  • Trinket

    I dunno, I liked it. Either the repubs will have to go along with it, and it will work, and Obama will look good by election time, or they'll vote against it, and the dems can yell "Repubs don't want you to have a job!" until election time.

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      He can do that, or he can do what he's always done, which is to set up some grand scheme, and then back peddle until all that remains is a feeble, worthless, right wing bill.

      I'm not being a downer and saying he will do that, but I am saying:

      Which is it going to be, Mr. President? We're watching really closely.

      • OneDollarJuana

        Hence my new avatar.

      • io9k9s

        Well I'll be a downer, becasuse it's all tied up in the bottom of the ninth with the bases loaded and the pitch count at 0-3. Mr. President, on the mound, has been shrugging off his catcher, Congressional Dems, all night – so even if he doesn't tip his pitch (like he has been doing since Day Fucking One) – Dems is pulling a Crash Davis just to say I told you so – and really who can blame them. We are screwed.

    • red_kira

      fingerscrossedfingerscrossedfingerscrossedfingerscrossed……

  • finallyhappy

    wow, Obama turned Boner brown- browner than the Prez!

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    I dunno if its my cheapo monitor or the tasty weed but Biden, Barry, and Boehner sure had the hues of some Neapolitan ice cream…

    • voodooeconomics

      it was the weed

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Were you seeing them in, like, vanilla, chocolate, strawberry? Because that's just the weed talking.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Hm, Kirk kind of runs like a girl, doesn't he? Not anymore though I suppose.

    • finallyhappy

      He is really fat now- and an asshole- but I understand from people who knew him and know him- he always was

    • Pristine_ODummy

      These days, he can barely waddle.

  • Mort_Sinclair

    This country could use a little Jim Kirk right about now.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Khan!!!!!!!!!!!

      (Sorry, kind of a Star Trek geek–but only the original; could care less about the new generations, etc.)

      • Pristine_ODummy

        Hey, me too.

    • OneDollarJuana

      This country could use a LOT more Uhura! Hubba hubba!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I think Michelle is a more than adequate replacement.

    • MinAgain

      I'd vote Kirk/Spock in 2012.

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    New name for Teabaggers: Trekkkies.

    • ThundercatHo

      Sorry Chill, but Star Trek is way to cerebral for those shitbags. Hell, the Beverly Hillbillies probably makes them all go blasting holes in their backyards. Why do you think Jethro is the new GOP frontrunner?

      • Texan_Bulldog

        Agreed. Those assholes cannot have Star Trek. Give them Kate Plus 8 or some shit.

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          KKKate Plus ?

      • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

        Oh, crap…I guess you've got a point. Besides, come to think of it, my old man is a fan as well. There has to be at least a shitty si-fy channel show we can name them after…

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Even the shittiest Sci-Fi is way too cerebral. Unless you want to assign them the role of a particularly boorish species, like Morlocks.

    • MinAgain

      "You are not of the body. Landru! Landru!"

      MinAgain. Star Trek geek since 1971.

      • jus_wonderin

        "Risk! Risk is our business! That's what the starship is all about! That's…why…we're…a..board..her!"

        Since '71 here as well.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Hello people? Master Thespian? Yall don't get the joke?

  • BklynIlluminati

    If the R's balk on this he should hammer them every they on every network every press release, just keep repeating the mantra of see they don't want to help just be obstructionists they want the ship to go down. Beat that shit like a drum

    • Nothingisamiss

      Please, Obama, please. For godsakes!!!

  • SayItWithWookies

    I'm not watching that video if it's just a human fighting against a slow, brain-damaged but disproportionately strong venomous freak in a lizard suit.

    I might watch the Star Trek video, though.

  • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    Barry ♥s jerbs! Who knew?

  • Negropolis

    Klassy, Ken. You know, shitting all over Kirsten's liveblog like that.

    • Limeylizzie

      Ken is a secret Firedoglake fan.

  • smitallica

    If he's not a stereotypical Angry Black Man® by now, he truly is Spock. Cuz these teabag motherfuckers make me want to punch everything I see.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      No matter how angry you might be, if you're not white, you learn to keep that shit to yourself right soon, unless you *wanna* get your ass beat and thrown in the local hoosegow … repeatedly.

  • ThundercatHo

    Is this like one of those terrorist how-to videos on how to make gunpowder? I don't know how appropriate it is to show this on the 9/11 anniversary. Next thing you know TSA is gonna be checking us for hollow logs, rocks and colored powders.

  • MiniMencken

    Well, I guess I voted for the Republican Presdential candidate in 2008, after all.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      I think you're looking for the party down the hall–dailykos.com. Give the dude a break!

      • DustBowlBlues

        I listened to Kos, and he sounded like he was saying the same old thing about not asking for enough in the first place, yada, yada. He missed the political challenge in the speech.

        • OneDollarJuana

          Sam Seder just had a couple of excerpts from FDR and Huey Long speeches. I heard the "challenge" in O's speech, but those guys in the past challenged, challenged again, then drove it home with a 2×4 just to make sure you were paying attention. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) we are fast approaching the day when any subtlety is useless, and speaking strongly with a very big stick is the only appropriate approach.

    • twaingirl

      Left is right
      right is left
      war is peace (forever)

  • Callyson

    Oh, and regarding Senator Diapers' complaint about missing his Saints party? Green Bay is up 21 – 7 in the 2nd quarter. Never mind that I'm from Pittsburgh: tonight, we are all Packers fans…

    • BarackMyWorld

      PRIORITIES!

    • RavenRant

      Aren't the Packers run as a coop? Socializms!

    • flamingpdog

      Diaperman is probably more interested in the Saints' potty than his Saints' party anyhow.

  • twaingirl

    Man, Biden looks so serious. Probably on focusing on keeping his mouth shut.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Bet he keeps thinking about how he's the poorest man in the Senate.

  • politics_nerd

    I havent seen the speech, nor did I watch the Nos debate yesterday. That having been said, how about these fuckin Packers!?

  • http://wonkette.com TanzbodenKoenig

    Damn poors; GET A JERB

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Are thee Vulcan, or are thee human?

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Art thou …

      • BarackMyWorld

        You're going to go and make me look up the original episode he's quoting, aren't you?

        • Pristine_ODummy

          Just being difficult. It's my core competency.

          • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

            from the captioning log:

            It is said …
            thy Vulcan blood is thin.
            Are thee Vulcan …
            or are thee human?

            Prissy, I assume your core competency here is in Elizabethan English or some such, not Vulcan or its rendering into TV English, which seems to be more like Quaker plain speaking than the KJB.

            Or are you saying that being difficult is your core competency? If so, I grieve with thee. (T'Pao, Amok Time)

          • Pristine_ODummy

            Being difficult, of course, Spurning.

            It's such a delight watching the nerds whip out this … dialogue, though. It's been ages since I've actually watched the series.

          • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

            T'Pao is one of the most wonderful characters in all of fiction, I feel.

            Talk nerdy to me, Pristine.

          • jus_wonderin

            "My friend is obviously Chinese. I see you've noticed the ears. They're actually easy to explain."

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    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      I don't know what kind of crazy virus I just got, but it was worth it.

  • proudgrampa

    Dilithium crystals, Mr. President. We need more dilithium crystals.

  • owhatever

    The Republicans will respond "fat chance," and my President will cave because we got no power down here, Captain.

  • Warpde

    Beam me up Scotty, there's no intelligent life down here.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Captain Oh-BAHHHH-Mah…sssurrender now…I will be quick…and merssssiful!

    Mitch McGornal

  • Soylent Green

    i always thought he looked, acted, and sounded like ST Voyager's Tuvok. indeed.

    • jus_wonderin

      Sometimes, I wish he was Borg.

      Hmmm. Sounds Swedish.

  • mavenmaven

    Tomorrow Palin or Perry will say some stupid reactionary thing and this will all be forgotten by the commentators and pundits.

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      Worse yet, it looks like some phoney terror attack is what pushed it off. No wonder Obama wanted to do the speech earlier. Oh, but he got bullied into moving it. Derp.

  • powersuit

    That's a nice wetsuit Gorn is wearing. Maybe I can borrow it for my next race.

    When the prez was entering the chamber before the speech, I kept hoping he would turn around and lay a roundhouse on Eric Cantor's face. That would have been sweet!

  • Nopantsmcgee

    He didn't ask for compromise! He really didn't! I'm so happy !

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Hey Trekkies, are the really stupid episodes still Canon?

    • jus_wonderin

      I believe in the new timeline "All that you knew is gone."

      Guardian of Forever, after McCoy changes the timeline

  • MinAgain

    Live long and prosper, Wonkette!

    • LiveToServeYa

      'Perspire', you mean.

  • ttommyunger

    Don't know about Star Trek, but I feel like I've been living in the Twilight Zone for the last ten years.

  • Pristine_ODummy

    We could start one, if it's not too difficult.