Inevitable 'Bachmann's Campaign Is Falling Apart' Articles Begin

Infamous hollow-gazed wretch Michele Bachmann gave a largely comatose debate performance last night that would have been easily upstaged by, oh, probably a cheap household stereo blaring a mixtape's worth of her stump speeches played backwards, at half speed, to the Ride of the Valkyries . To celebrate, the media will begin its time-honored tradition of filtering anonymously-sourced reports of embarrassing internal campaign strife as a kind of tender prelude to the final stage where the only headline anyone will write anymore is, "When will she drop out?" And then Michele Bachmann will be forced to return to her home, on Mars. Back to today:  Reuters has the inside dirt on why her campaign chief and his deputy quit. Hint: Michele does not like appearing so sophisticated in front of rednecks!

Reuters has the salacious details:  

Sources close to the campaign told Reuters that Bachmann blamed veteran campaigner Ed Rollins and his deputy, David Polyansky, for not letting her make key decisions and for staging over-slick campaign events that do not fit into her folksy style that appeals to Tea Party conservatives.

"There has been lots of management of Michele. They are keeping her hidden," said a source close to the campaign. "They are managing her to the nth degree. They are afraid she's going to mess it up."

A second Republican source close to the campaign said Bachmann's advisors insisted she focus on winning February's caucuses in Iowa, where she has a lot of support from conservatives. But Bachmann wanted a stronger national strategy, including visits to the key state of Florida.

The campaign is also reportedly struggling to raise cash, and Michele refuses to pick up the phone to call big donors for some mysterious reason. Instead, she will take command as the lone idiot to give a rebuttal during the bargain bin airtime after Obama's jobs speech, when the NFL season opener is taking place. Goodbye, almost! [ Reuters ]