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Angry David Vitter Busts Out His Best White Guy Jive Talk

The only true victim of Washington's partisan bickering and life in general is David Vitter.Diaperman David Vitter sent this bizarre, victimized email to our inbox explaining to the negative four people who care that he will not be able to host a Saints football game in Louisiana because of Harry Reid being a horrible tool who forces him to do his job occasionally. David Vitter is so mad he will even get out his ALL CAPS and his street talkin’, because football. Ain’t no Washington fool gonna pen in David Vitter. You feel him, prez? Whatever, that’s whack, he still knows WHO DAT. 

David Vitter don’t have time fo’ this nonsense, he gots to be back in his crib. Haha, “crib.” Okay, that one would sort of make sense. David Vitter, stop talking to everyone like they are your prostitutes. [David Vitter’s Spam List]

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  1. donner_froh

    Imagine forcing a United States Senator to be present at a certain time and place in order to cast a vote.

    Kenyan anti-colonialist mentality at its worst.

    1. WunkRocker

      I mean just because they got 1 month off to fuck around on vacation. Mofo Reid wants him to spend all his time doing what he's paid for. Sheeeeeeit.

    1. Not_So_Much

      Probably had one scheduled for this evening and has been pounding spicy cajun food for days in anticipation. Now his timing, and sexxy fun good times, is all fucked up.

  2. MissusBarry

    Yep, poopypants, it's all a left-wing conspiracy to deprive you of a football-watching party. I'm sure you're the only poor soul who has to work when they'd rather be watching the game at home. The Congressional schedule is just brutal! I mean, you were only in session, what, two days this week? Perhaps we could tighten up the old budgetary belt by paying you fools an hourly rate.

    1. V572 T-Blow

      Fly in Tuesday, meet Wednesday, fly out Thursday. Brutal! Luckily they all, probably even the locals, have reserved spots within easy walking distance of the terminals at IAD and DCA. You'll recognize them when you hump your bag in from Lot W.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      Then they'd argue he was trying to distract from those Eight Men Out (Michele can count as a Black Sox) trying to field questions one expects in a debate for us to judge whether they should occupy the White House. Does EVERY question to GOP candidates count as a "gotcha."

  3. TanzbodenKoenig

    So is "Saint's Game Party" what they call a diaper-wearing-hooker-fest where you literally get away with murdering the people who expose you and somehow still remain a Senator, these days?

  4. bumfug

    So now what's he supposed to do with that case of Pampers?
    "Dem biyotches in the DC gon' wish dey nevah fucked DIS up!"

  5. Barb

    Oh well, looks like his wife will have to have the party on her own. Just as long as she has chips who cares if there is no dipshit there?

  6. flamingpdog

    "Pens in those who would have skipped speech, like me."

    If only Harry Reid would put you in a pen, like those folks that violated Dubya's "free speech zones". And I ain't talkin' about no playpen for diaper babies, mo'fo'!

  7. Sue4466

    Sucks to be someone who HAS a job, right Vitter? And to have to cancel your party to listen to the President talk about maybe trying to get some fucking jobs for the rest of Americans who probably care a bit more about whether they'll be able to continue feeding their kids and living indoors than whether the Saints go to the SuperBowl.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      I love this SO MUCH, Sue. Now with your permission, I'm going to copy it verbatim and post it on every. single. newspaper. website. in Louisiana.

      1. Sue4466

        Glad to help. Go'head. Every time I think about this dick whining, I get a whole new level of pissed off. And what really pisses me off is that so many fucking people think the GOP is on the side of "jus' folks" cause they fall for that bullshit Sarah Palin shtick.

    1. Chichikovovich

      I'm speechless. Maybe the cleverest thing I've read for months.
      [And really, literally speechless. Because the moderators aren't approving anything I post, probably including this exercise in futility.]

  8. Texan_Bulldog

    Egad, this dude is still in office & yet Weiner had to go because he … what did he do again? I vaguely remember it wasn't illegal and no bodily contact was ever made and no one went to jail….totally slips my mind. Good thing Vitter is a Republican.

  9. Come here a minute

    Senator Vitter sure is lucky that missing a football game is his biggest problem. A lot of people in the country are worried about unemployment or flooding, but I guess Louisiana is doing fine.

  10. Rosie_Scenario

    Harry Reid is a "Dirty Birds" fan? What does that mean? And should Vitter ever talk about "Dirty" anything? Makes me think of diapers.

    1. mayor_quimby

      I don't see why Harry would be a falcons fan, I think he is going to the hated rival well instead of accusing him of loving the queer 49ers.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      And drop his pacifier. And scream and throw a tantrum and get his head stuck in the bars of his crib.

  11. freakishlywrong

    Haven't these lazy tools been off on vacation for like, a month? How about we make your Senate seat a casualty of "Washington partisanship"? Worthless fucker.

    1. Tommmcattt

      Cut me som' slac' jak! Chump don' wan' no help, chump don' git no help. Jive ass dude don' got no brains anyhow….

  12. DaRooster

    I'll be there… his wife asked me to come… and again.
    Meh, it pays well and she is always very thankful…

  13. V572 T-Blow

    One thing you wouldn't want to do at one of Vitter's luxury box parties at the Superdome is get between him and the herd of lobbyists angling to get close enough to suck his cock.

  14. Limeylizzie

    David Vitter can suck my big, black dick.

    Oh how I wish that were true, in any way, shape or form.

    1. Pristine_ODummy

      Oh, Lizzie! If you could arrange the victim, place, and time, I could arrange handcuffs, a ballgag, and a big black strap-on for you.

      We could sell the film for MILLIONS!

  15. MaxUdargo

    I don't even know what "my Who Dat resolve" means, or references, or anything. It's gibberish to me.

    Which means David Vitter is hipper than I am. Sigh.

      1. prommie

        Back in my day, you whippersnappers, when Wilbur Marshall was playing for Florida, the defense had a cheer, it went "who dat, who dat, who dat say Gator D can't jam." I presume there is some Saints variant.

        1. DaRooster

          I think it come from years, decades of losing… when they finally started to win ('cuz of Drew Brees primarily)… they wondered… "Who Dat?"

          1. Isner_Mahut

            I believe it comes from the saying "Who dat dere dat say dey can beat dem Saints?"
            Which, if you think about it, explains very little.

  16. JoshuaNorton

    Maybe they should tell him there will be an execution and free snacks provided. Apparently, wingnuts will show up in droves for that kind of shit.

  17. Callyson

    Someone needs a spanking…and wasn't Harry Reid a boxer at one point? I'll pay to see the Reid – Vitter match, stat…

    1. Limeylizzie

      I love Harry Reid for doing this, just saw that vile bastard, Joe Not an Eagle Walsh blathering on about how Hopey has diminshed the Presidency.

  18. Sparky_McGruff

    Strangely enough, when I see Vitter write "pens in" I can't help but read it as "penis". Must be subliminal.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Yes, because I'm sure all the people who live in refrigerator boxes want to enjoy the game on their 60-inch flat screens in peace.

    1. freakishlywrong

      David Vitter cant tell you if his life Depends on it. He just hears the po' and brown folk say it and makes him seem as though he's a regular Joe. Y'know, "street".

  19. NorthStarSpanx

    I think the guy who feigned mental illness to get special needs caregivers to change his diapers as a way to get off is hotter than Vitter. And more Senatorial.

  20. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You have to understand, an NFL game is the one time that Sen. Vitter gets to see black people, other than when he orders one up from his madam.

  21. mrblifil

    Nice thing about being a diaper fetishist: the bon temps can roulez around in your pants for quite some time before funtime starts and "Nanny" gets to say WHO DAT!

  22. GlowneyHouse

    Harry Reid once again attacking small business. This under-publicized "NFL" is trying to get a little media exposure to push their unknown product to the American public and Obama and the Democrats are trying to keep them down.

    And Vitter deserves to be pampered…. and powdered and put down for a nap.

  23. Mahousu

    This should come as no surprise – Vitter got his start in politics at a very young age, campaigning against the assignment of homework on nights when "very special episodes" of Saved by the Bell were scheduled.

  24. SorosBot

    Shorter diaperman: it's all about me-me-me-me-me.

    Instead of Harry Reid, you might want to look at the NFL, for scheduling a game on a Thursday for some reason; football is supposed to be on a Sunday, and then you'd have no problem.

  25. mumbly_joe

    Yeah, god forbid you fucking be obliged to go to fucking work instead of a fucking football party, you fucking baby. The rest of us (the ones who are lucky, at least) have to fucking show up to work too, you know.

    Fuck you.

    The American people.

  26. Wilcoxyz

    Is this the same Vitter who used to call the DC Madam during senate votes? I guess voting just isn't fun anymore.

  27. HarryButtle

    He's coming off a month-long vacation, right? He's back for 2 days, and now he wants MORE time off? To watch a fucking football game? Love to see him try that shit if he was working in the real world…"Sorry, boss, I can't make that meeting because I scheduled a football party for that day."

    1. elviouslyqueer

      I still can't figure out why Vitter is pretending to be a Saints fan, when he lives in fucking Metairie, for God's sake. I mean, the only reason why Metairie even exists is because whites needed a place to live after all the filthy blacks took over NOLA.

      1. Limeylizzie

        I bet you did, that woman is so gorgeous, she has amazing skin and eyes. Just beautiful in a really aesthetic way, I could look at her all day long.

  28. anniegetyerfun

    God, he looks so fat in that photo. Was Vitter always that fat, or is his head just expanding because he's holding in his feces until he can get with a hooker again?

  29. DaRooster

    Creating Jobs!! Someone has to cater this white bread, diaper-fest! Oh and take out the trash also… too.

  30. Chet Kincaid

    "Who Dat" is some kind of New Orleans/Saints Fan code, and besides, white folks and cajuns from Louisiana sound vaguely "urban" anyway, which is why God tried to destroy the general area.

    1. AJWjr.

      I cringe when I hear my younger lily-white sister from Napa say it, too. And she used to be such a genteel 9ers fan…

  31. Jukesgrrl

    Next Vitter thought: "And what if the Texas wildfires spread to Louisiana?!?!?! That would be a huge tragedy because the smoke might interfere with the receivers' ability to see the football. Note to self — call Ricky Perry and ask him how to stop those fires."

    Damn, I used to like the Saints. Now the thought of cheering for them makes me feel skeevy.

  32. loulouroo

    Go ahead, whoremonger, skip the vote. Please? I'll be here in NOLA in the black and gold and I would rather have your moronic voice here than in Washington where you can do more damage.

  33. owhatever

    David says he's sorry, but doing his job was not part of the deal. Hookers, diapers and football … putting America back to work.

  34. ttommyunger

    I'm sorry, but I have quite a few people in and from Louisiana; there are no deep thinkers in that group; thus, continued representation by the David Vitter type. That's just the way it rolls.

Comments are closed.