our national discourse

Angry David Vitter Busts Out His Best White Guy Jive Talk

The only true victim of Washington's partisan bickering and life in general is David Vitter.Diaperman David Vitter sent this bizarre, victimized email to our inbox explaining to the negative four people who care that he will not be able to host a Saints football game in Louisiana because of Harry Reid being a horrible tool who forces him to do his job occasionally. David Vitter is so mad he will even get out his ALL CAPS and his street talkin’, because football. Ain’t no Washington fool gonna pen in David Vitter. You feel him, prez? Whatever, that’s whack, he still knows WHO DAT. 

David Vitter don’t have time fo’ this nonsense, he gots to be back in his crib. Haha, “crib.” Okay, that one would sort of make sense. David Vitter, stop talking to everyone like they are your prostitutes. [David Vitter’s Spam List]

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments [Looking into whether this is still possible - Shy] - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Imagine forcing a United States Senator to be present at a certain time and place in order to cast a vote.

    Kenyan anti-colonialist mentality at its worst.

    • WunkRocker

      I mean just because they got 1 month off to fuck around on vacation. Mofo Reid wants him to spend all his time doing what he's paid for. Sheeeeeeit.

      • DaRooster

        Beeotch!

    • MOG2410

      I believe this is offending his delicate LA sensibilities.

    • fuflans

      'fighting for our future' means something different in LA i guess.

      • dyedwool

        It does. It means "Diaper up and pass the Tabasco(tm)!"

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Sounds like someone needs a diaper change.

    • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

      Or a Huggie.
      ~

      • Beowoof

        Over his face as that seems where most of the poop is coming out.

    • Not_So_Much

      Probably had one scheduled for this evening and has been pounding spicy cajun food for days in anticipation. Now his timing, and sexxy fun good times, is all fucked up.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Vitter E-mail translated to baby-talk: Whaaaaaaaaaaaa, whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, whaaaaaaaaaaaaa,

  • MissusBarry

    Yep, poopypants, it's all a left-wing conspiracy to deprive you of a football-watching party. I'm sure you're the only poor soul who has to work when they'd rather be watching the game at home. The Congressional schedule is just brutal! I mean, you were only in session, what, two days this week? Perhaps we could tighten up the old budgetary belt by paying you fools an hourly rate.

    • V572 T-Blow

      Fly in Tuesday, meet Wednesday, fly out Thursday. Brutal! Luckily they all, probably even the locals, have reserved spots within easy walking distance of the terminals at IAD and DCA. You'll recognize them when you hump your bag in from Lot W.

      • MissusBarry

        I think Lot W is actually in my apartment complex.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Yes because football is more important than, you know, your job.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Well, in his defense the NFL does keep the black unemployment rate down a point or two.

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        And I have heard that the NFL and some coke will get hookers all fired up.

    • Terry

      So, has Vittor actually ever done anything during his time in Congress? Honest question.

      • OneDollarJuana

        He's done some hookers.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      And this is why Nevada has no NFL team.

      • AJWjr.

        But we had the most awesomest XFL team!

        • Pristine_ODummy

          I have an XML team.

          • AJWjr.

            What are you, some elitist with a jerb or something?

          • Pristine_ODummy

            I wish. Just a geek with geeky friends.

            I mean, I did have a job, oncet.

  • genxr

    If only Obama had agreed to give his speech yesterday… lousy democrats, they hate sports!

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Then they'd argue he was trying to distract from those Eight Men Out (Michele can count as a Black Sox) trying to field questions one expects in a debate for us to judge whether they should occupy the White House. Does EVERY question to GOP candidates count as a "gotcha."

  • http://www.wonkette.com TanzbodenKoenig

    So is "Saint's Game Party" what they call a diaper-wearing-hooker-fest where you literally get away with murdering the people who expose you and somehow still remain a Senator, these days?

  • dyedwool

    WHO SHAT.

  • bumfug

    So now what's he supposed to do with that case of Pampers?
    "Dem biyotches in the DC gon' wish dey nevah fucked DIS up!"

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Sounds like a lot of money to spend to go see your team get slapped around.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Does Wonkette have a new super-secret intern named "Piyush" or is that what Vitter calls everyone he doesn't know?

    • PubOption

      It's 'Bobby' Jindal's real name. What could he and Vitter be plotting at this party?

  • Barb

    Oh well, looks like his wife will have to have the party on her own. Just as long as she has chips who cares if there is no dipshit there?

    • Sparky_McGruff

      Wife? No, he's mad that he already paid the escort service.

  • flamingpdog

    "Pens in those who would have skipped speech, like me."

    If only Harry Reid would put you in a pen, like those folks that violated Dubya's "free speech zones". And I ain't talkin' about no playpen for diaper babies, mo'fo'!

    • Oblios_Cap

      "Pen" must be jive for "Depends™".

  • Sue4466

    Sucks to be someone who HAS a job, right Vitter? And to have to cancel your party to listen to the President talk about maybe trying to get some fucking jobs for the rest of Americans who probably care a bit more about whether they'll be able to continue feeding their kids and living indoors than whether the Saints go to the SuperBowl.

    • elviouslyqueer

      I love this SO MUCH, Sue. Now with your permission, I'm going to copy it verbatim and post it on every. single. newspaper. website. in Louisiana.

      • Sue4466

        Glad to help. Go'head. Every time I think about this dick whining, I get a whole new level of pissed off. And what really pisses me off is that so many fucking people think the GOP is on the side of "jus' folks" cause they fall for that bullshit Sarah Palin shtick.

  • MathIsHard

    That ain't jive, that's scat.

    • Respitetini

      This isn't going to get nearly the upfisting it deserves. Well done.

    • Limeylizzie

      I saw what you did there, genius.

    • ibwilliamsi

      Cat scat…

      • BarryOPotter

        Patsy!

    • Chichikovovich

      I'm speechless. Maybe the cleverest thing I've read for months.
      [And really, literally speechless. Because the moderators aren't approving anything I post, probably including this exercise in futility.]

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Egad, this dude is still in office & yet Weiner had to go because he … what did he do again? I vaguely remember it wasn't illegal and no bodily contact was ever made and no one went to jail….totally slips my mind. Good thing Vitter is a Republican.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Dat be family values, yo.

      I THINK that that is how Vitter might put it.

  • Come here a minute

    Senator Vitter sure is lucky that missing a football game is his biggest problem. A lot of people in the country are worried about unemployment or flooding, but I guess Louisiana is doing fine.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Why isn't PoopyPants² in prison, where he belongs?

    WHY?

    ² AKA Dave the Shitter
    ~

    • littlebigdaddy

      They would never have convicted him. You know, "If it's covered in shit, you gotta acquit."

    • Pristine_ODummy

      aka ShittyVitty, on the NOLA blogs.

  • freakishlywrong

    Thank goodness I was wearing my CubicleHuggiez™. That post made me shit my pants.

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    Huggies or Pampers, David?

  • Rosie_Scenario

    Harry Reid is a "Dirty Birds" fan? What does that mean? And should Vitter ever talk about "Dirty" anything? Makes me think of diapers.

    • mayor_quimby

      I don't see why Harry would be a falcons fan, I think he is going to the hated rival well instead of accusing him of loving the queer 49ers.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    It's his party and he'll cry if he wants to.

    • anniegetyerfun

      And drop his pacifier. And scream and throw a tantrum and get his head stuck in the bars of his crib.

      • Pristine_ODummy

        And poop his didies.

  • x111e7thst

    Sounds to me like Dave is a bad sulky boy who needs a spanking.

    • MOG2410

      No, he'd enjoy that way too much.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    I would blame the NFL. They shouldn't be scheduling games on school nights.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Hey dis ya boi David, fightin' for our future an shit, yo.

  • freakishlywrong

    Haven't these lazy tools been off on vacation for like, a month? How about we make your Senate seat a casualty of "Washington partisanship"? Worthless fucker.

  • 4tehlulz_lite

    I thought the Republicans were all about putting the lazy and shiftless to work.

    • Beowoof

      Except when its a republican actually asked to show up to his job.

    • mumbly_joe

      I thought the Republicans were all about putting the lazy and shiftless to work death.

      Fix'd!

      • Pristine_ODummy

        Thanked and also upfisted.

        Nit: should add ^^ not-white not-rich ^^ between "lazy" and "and."

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Does anyone here speak Jive?

    • Tommmcattt

      Cut me som' slac' jak! Chump don' wan' no help, chump don' git no help. Jive ass dude don' got no brains anyhow….

  • EatsBabyDingos

    HO DAT?!?

  • DaRooster

    I'll be there… his wife asked me to come… and again.
    Meh, it pays well and she is always very thankful…

  • Lucidamente1

    "Saints game party at home." Vitter uses the phrase twice–is it code for something?

    • DaRooster

      "Saints game party at homeo."
      Sai, gae party homo?

      fixed?

  • Flat_Earther

    Dammit, he had some whores lined up… Oh well, another BJ in the office.

  • V572 T-Blow

    One thing you wouldn't want to do at one of Vitter's luxury box parties at the Superdome is get between him and the herd of lobbyists angling to get close enough to suck his cock.

  • Limeylizzie

    David Vitter can suck my big, black dick.

    Oh how I wish that were true, in any way, shape or form.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Hey!! Loan out your own equipment!

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Oh, Lizzie! If you could arrange the victim, place, and time, I could arrange handcuffs, a ballgag, and a big black strap-on for you.

      We could sell the film for MILLIONS!

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Dave's not here, man.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Not after hearing that, anywho.

  • http://www.udargo.com MaxUdargo

    I don't even know what "my Who Dat resolve" means, or references, or anything. It's gibberish to me.

    Which means David Vitter is hipper than I am. Sigh.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Means he's a Saints fan, my nigga. Keepin' it real. And so forth.

      • prommie

        Back in my day, you whippersnappers, when Wilbur Marshall was playing for Florida, the defense had a cheer, it went "who dat, who dat, who dat say Gator D can't jam." I presume there is some Saints variant.

        • DaRooster

          I think it come from years, decades of losing… when they finally started to win ('cuz of Drew Brees primarily)… they wondered… "Who Dat?"

          • Isner_Mahut

            I believe it comes from the saying "Who dat dere dat say dey can beat dem Saints?"
            Which, if you think about it, explains very little.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          You lie! Wilber Marshall was conceived in the mind of Mike Ditka, and born in Soldier Field on a bright September Sunday morn!

  • JoshuaNorton

    Maybe they should tell him there will be an execution and free snacks provided. Apparently, wingnuts will show up in droves for that kind of shit.

  • Callyson

    Someone needs a spanking…and wasn't Harry Reid a boxer at one point? I'll pay to see the Reid – Vitter match, stat…

    • EatsBabyDingos

      Reid was a boxer, Vitter is a panty.

    • Limeylizzie

      I love Harry Reid for doing this, just saw that vile bastard, Joe Not an Eagle Walsh blathering on about how Hopey has diminshed the Presidency.

      • Pristine_ODummy

        No chance of punching him in the nuts, dear girl?

  • Sparky_McGruff

    Strangely enough, when I see Vitter write "pens in" I can't help but read it as "penis". Must be subliminal.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Ah, yeah, that was my thought too.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Whoops, did I say party? I meant Town Hall meeting. Yesiree, a Town Hall meeting in my Skybox.

    • DaRooster

      Bring your $15…

  • Weenus299

    NFL openers and the Super Bowl should be national federal holidays.

    • Slim_Pickins

      with no mail delivery

    • Jukesgrrl

      Yes, because I'm sure all the people who live in refrigerator boxes want to enjoy the game on their 60-inch flat screens in peace.

  • prommie

    You mad, bro?

    • AJWjr.

      Jelly.

  • baconzgood

    What the hell is WHO DAT resolve? Is it somthing you clean your upholstery with?

    • freakishlywrong

      David Vitter cant tell you if his life Depends on it. He just hears the po' and brown folk say it and makes him seem as though he's a regular Joe. Y'know, "street".

  • NorthStarSpanx

    I think the guy who feigned mental illness to get special needs caregivers to change his diapers as a way to get off is hotter than Vitter. And more Senatorial.

  • Come here a minute

    Government nerd question — is this his official email or his campaign email?

  • Warpde

    Well DAT what you get for not inviting Harry to your parta's.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Bet Diaperman was looking forward to the Cialis commercials.

  • mookwrthwilson

    He's gotta get back to Louisiana…those hookers aren't going to kill themselves…

  • LesPaultard

    Proof of party over country.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      From the man who invented potty over cuntry.

  • proudgrampa

    WTF?

  • SexySmurf

    Harry Reid is a party pooper.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Ah, no, that would be ShittyVitty.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You have to understand, an NFL game is the one time that Sen. Vitter gets to see black people, other than when he orders one up from his madam.

  • Oblios_Cap

    That Vitter – he's so whack!

  • mereoblivion

    Guess when he doesn't get Pampered enough he starts to sound Vitter.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      He just needs some Huggies.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Is Piyush a new jam band?

    • Pristine_ODummy

      I wish someone would jam Piyush "Bobby" Jindal into a band. Of steel.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg ProgressiveInga

    Douchebag is douche-y.

    • DaRooster

      Pass the Douche-y on the left hand side…

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Nice thing about being a diaper fetishist: the bon temps can roulez around in your pants for quite some time before funtime starts and "Nanny" gets to say WHO DAT!

    • DashboardBuddha

      or WHO SCAT!?

      • Pristine_ODummy

        No. You're just making it too easy.

        Oh, all right.

        Or, WHO SHAT?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Honestly Senator — go ahead and stay the fuck home.

  • GlowneyHouse

    Harry Reid once again attacking small business. This under-publicized "NFL" is trying to get a little media exposure to push their unknown product to the American public and Obama and the Democrats are trying to keep them down.

    And Vitter deserves to be pampered…. and powdered and put down for a nap.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      But only after his little bottom has been spanked to a bright crimson.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Who dat? Who dat? Who dat say dey gonna change my pampers?

  • Mahousu

    This should come as no surprise – Vitter got his start in politics at a very young age, campaigning against the assignment of homework on nights when "very special episodes" of Saved by the Bell were scheduled.

  • SorosBot

    Shorter diaperman: it's all about me-me-me-me-me.

    Instead of Harry Reid, you might want to look at the NFL, for scheduling a game on a Thursday for some reason; football is supposed to be on a Sunday, and then you'd have no problem.

  • mumbly_joe

    Yeah, god forbid you fucking be obliged to go to fucking work instead of a fucking football party, you fucking baby. The rest of us (the ones who are lucky, at least) have to fucking show up to work too, you know.

    Fuck you.

    Sincerely,
    The American people.

  • Guppy06

    Vitter will be too busy creating (sex worker) jobs to attend.

  • Wilcoxyz

    Is this the same Vitter who used to call the DC Madam during senate votes? I guess voting just isn't fun anymore.

  • HarryButtle

    He's coming off a month-long vacation, right? He's back for 2 days, and now he wants MORE time off? To watch a fucking football game? Love to see him try that shit if he was working in the real world…"Sorry, boss, I can't make that meeting because I scheduled a football party for that day."

  • Wilcoxyz

    Wanna see what a Saints watching party looks like at Vitter's place?

    Seriously.
    http://www.bestofneworleans.com/blogofneworleans/

    • Devilette

      wow, that's almost sad to look at. I can't help but giggle.

    • genxr

      Wow. Coke AND Diet Coke. Dat's off da hook!

    • elviouslyqueer

      I still can't figure out why Vitter is pretending to be a Saints fan, when he lives in fucking Metairie, for God's sake. I mean, the only reason why Metairie even exists is because whites needed a place to live after all the filthy blacks took over NOLA.

    • BTWBFDIMHO
      • DaRooster

        FTMFW!!

  • widestanceshakedown

    If his duty is just too heavy a load for him to carry, then it's time for a change.

  • pdiddycornchips

    That Piyush guy must be the top. They can't both be bottoms can they?

  • Limeylizzie

    OT but Tamron Hall is so hot today, she has amazing shoes on.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      I always rose early back when she was doing the local morning show in Chicago.

      • Limeylizzie

        I bet you did, that woman is so gorgeous, she has amazing skin and eyes. Just beautiful in a really aesthetic way, I could look at her all day long.

  • anniegetyerfun

    God, he looks so fat in that photo. Was Vitter always that fat, or is his head just expanding because he's holding in his feces until he can get with a hooker again?

  • Barrelhse

    Plyush?
    Tell me more.

  • genxr

    Who's ready for some jobs legislation football?!!

  • http://Wonkette.com ProudLibunatic

    I call bullshit!
    Piyush? Never!
    Very entertaining, though.

    Good one, Harry! (For once.)

  • DaRooster

    Creating Jobs!! Someone has to cater this white bread, diaper-fest! Oh and take out the trash also… too.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    "Who Dat" is some kind of New Orleans/Saints Fan code, and besides, white folks and cajuns from Louisiana sound vaguely "urban" anyway, which is why God tried to destroy the general area.

    • AJWjr.

      I cringe when I hear my younger lily-white sister from Napa say it, too. And she used to be such a genteel 9ers fan…

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    Not a serious football fan, but now….
    Go Packers!

  • Jukesgrrl

    Next Vitter thought: "And what if the Texas wildfires spread to Louisiana?!?!?! That would be a huge tragedy because the smoke might interfere with the receivers' ability to see the football. Note to self — call Ricky Perry and ask him how to stop those fires."

    Damn, I used to like the Saints. Now the thought of cheering for them makes me feel skeevy.

  • Pat_Pending

    Who dat say 'who dat' when I say 'who dat'?

    Oh. Vitter. Think he means 'who shat?'

  • fuflans

    i cannot believe this senatorial boil is still on the ass of congress.

  • An_Outhouse

    Wish I had Fridays off like PoopyPants thinks he does.

  • loulouroo

    Go ahead, whoremonger, skip the vote. Please? I'll be here in NOLA in the black and gold and I would rather have your moronic voice here than in Washington where you can do more damage.

  • owhatever

    David says he's sorry, but doing his job was not part of the deal. Hookers, diapers and football … putting America back to work.

  • ttommyunger

    I'm sorry, but I have quite a few people in and from Louisiana; there are no deep thinkers in that group; thus, continued representation by the David Vitter type. That's just the way it rolls.