america's next president

A Children’s Treasury of Rick Perry Deep-Throating Corndogs

Snake eating its own fail.Did we somehow forget to post a collection of comical photographs/photoshops of Rick Perry performing fellatio on a corn dog, for America? Well now is the time, so gather Grandma and the neighbors around the ‘puter and get ready to meet your Next President, the Last President of the Late Great (?) United States of America, Handsome Boy Modeling School graduate Rick Perry!

SOUL .... SUCKIN' .... JERKWhistlin’ dixie with the dixie cup filled. With the barbecue sauce and the dental floss chill.

He could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.He could suck the chrome off a pair of, uh, chrome truck nutz.

Michelangelo indeed coulda carved out your features.Manipulator of crowds, you’re a dream twister.
You’re going to Sodom and Gomorrah.
But what do you care? Ain’t nobody there would want to marry your sister.

Thanks to everybody who keeps sending these to us! Thanks, really! Now we have them all!

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments [Looking into whether this is still possible - Shy] - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Crank_Tango

    Christ, Rick, you're only supposed to bite it, not suck it all down and tickle the balls. Must be a habit for him.

  • owhatever

    He looks so…so…natural doing that.

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Almost as if he's been doing it … forever.

  • RadioEnron9/11

    He sure likes those Koch's.

  • DaRooster

    I am going to hang these up… might help me lose that last 10 pounds.

  • justkillmenow

    Marcus throws support behind Perry in 3…2…

    HA! I said "behind!"

    • Pristine_ODummy

      'Tain't just support, but hey.

      HA! I said "Taint!"

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Rick looks like he knows how to Pound a Perry

    • Pristine_ODummy

      Into a Dingleperry.

  • Callyson

    I will never, ever eat a hot dog or sausage again…

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    I'm worried Santorum is gonna feel a litle left out.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Emphasis on little.

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      That comment is so totally bigoted against him.

    • Not_So_Much

      There will always be a little something left behind for Santorum to clean up.

      • DahBoner

        Wouldn't want to be the janitor cleaning up after the debate for any amount of money in the world….

    • Pristine_ODummy

      He can always bring his Santorum Peach Jelly to the party.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Extra whipped cream.

        • Pristine_ODummy

          Whip it! Whip it till it's frothy.

          Ungh ungh!

  • Grief_Lessons

    Photoshop this into yesterday's Nancy Grace photo and you have the end of fucking civilization on your hands.

    • EatsBabyDingos

      But would it be inappropriate to call the critters boobs "Pound Puppies?"

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        More like six-pound puppies.

  • cheetojeebus

    MC Esher just appeared to spin in his grave but it was an illusion.
    btw should i sterilize this spork before i dig my eyes out?

    • Pristine_ODummy

      With pure cocaine. It'll cut the pain, too.

  • Barb

    Rick's a horn dog for porn dogs.

    • DahBoner

      Ever notice how all the interracial porn dogs are golden brown?

      • LabRodent

        Everybody knows brown corn dogs are much bigger.

        • DahBoner

          Well, even the brown ones are pink on the inside…

  • SayItWithWookies

    He's not a groupie — he's a band date.

    • V572 T-Blow

      And no sex with the band members! Just blowjobs.

  • Lucidamente1

    This is just practice for what he's going to do to Ronald Reagan's mummified and inflated member at tonight's debate.

  • DahBoner

    Tain't nothing.

    Perry got his start swallowing swords down at the Texas A & M freakshow….

    • poncho_pilot

      ha. what happens in the Corps of Cadets dorms stays in the Corps of Cadets dorms.

      and A&M does burn an enormous "makeshift phallus" every year.

      i'm sure they have that drinkin' while buildin' and engineerin' thing straightened out by now.

    • elviouslyqueer

      T'aint what you do; it's the taint that you're doing.

  • Tundra Grifter

    I'll skip the photos of the banana eating contest.

  • DemonicRage

    When he is Leader of The Free World, he will send thunderbolts out of his fingertips to singe the eyelashes of whoever had the gall to post these devil worshipper's fapping material.

  • Tundra Grifter

    That boy could give Kortney some lessons. Sumbitch!

  • LabRodent

    Ya know how somethings just look at home in someones mouth. Hellooooo Ricky.

  • Come here a minute

    Oh, how I hope tonight is a true Perry pounding — this country may deserve another "Dubya", but I don't want to see it!

  • http://www.frso.org/index.htm 4TheTurnstiles

    Make it rain, Rick!

  • smashedinhat

    Looks like that's not his first corn dog, if you know what I mean.

  • emmelemm

    Where's that one .gif with Michele and Rick that swirls around and around? That shit is scary.

  • revmatty

    Holy crap that top image of Rick and Michele is the most disturbing faux-porn picture I've seen in my entire life. Excuse me while I bleach my brain.

    • chicken_thief

      You know where that dawg was before they put in their mouths, right?

    • emmelemm

      I know, right? The expression on Michele's face… Save me!

  • subsum

    Oh… fucking gross!

  • OneDollarJuana

    I bet Ricky likes his corn dogs all the way down to the tater tots.

  • BerkeleyBear

    God, what terrible technique. Everyone knows the tip is the best part. And the most sensitive – if you don't approach it just right, you get hot (dog) liquid squirting all over.

    Okay, I'll shut up now before even I start questioning my sexuality.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Better be mayo. If you get mustard or ketchup squirting, you're doing it wrong.

  • Redhead

    What, no socialist firemen corndogs?

  • JoshuaNorton

    To paraphrase Freud:

    "Sometimes a corndog is just a corndog"

    This time is not one of them.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Congrats, Rick, on mastering the whole "less teeth, more gums" rule of knobslobbing.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    I know a gal, she works on The Hill.
    She won't do it but her rival will,
    When he boogie,
    He do the Corn Dog boogie.
    Well now boogie Guvner Ricky,
    Boogie woogie all night long.
    Blow your top blow your top blow your top.

  • gullywompr

    It's corndogs all the way down.

  • edgydrifter

    Watch it, Rick! I told you–NO TEETH!

  • RadioEnron9/11

    After that display, I can see why Zeus is raining hellfire upon Texas.

  • El Pinche

    Ahhhhhh yes, this is my Wonkette.

  • Geminisunmars

    Ouroboros forever! Ken Layne is my hero. Thanks for the alt text.

  • http://www.facebook.com/groups/227406670645311 Fred_Wertham_Jr

    Ken Layne just saved my life.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    It really is a dog eat dog world.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      It really is a dog eat dog world

      It really is a dick eat dick world. /fixed

  • RedneckMuslin

    For Tea Party Freedumb!!

  • RedneckMuslin

    You know who else could swallow a foot long?

    • SorosBot

      Marcus Bachmann?

    • chicken_thief

      Larry Craig, with a really wide stance?

    • GregComlish

      Jared from Subway?

    • Crank_Tango

      Eva Braun?

    • HelmutNewton

      Linda Lovelace?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Debbie, of Dallas?

    • SorosBot

      Kortney?

    • elviouslyqueer

      All of the Palins, regardless of gender?

    • gullywompr

      My wife?

      • hollywooddood

        Win!

    • BTWBFDIMHO

      Liberace?

    • http://drinkiesinthe253.blogspot.com/ drrty_martini

      Nancy Reagan had quite the reputation!

  • Limeylizzie

    Oh God, I am terrified that: a) Rick Perry WILL be our next President and b) I will lose the desire to ever perform oral sex again.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Just wait for Michele to be caught munching a fish taco.

    • ttommyunger

      Just avoid that one food item, Lizzie: Wedding Cake.

      • Limeylizzie

        As in “Don't get married”?…too late, but it hasn't lessened my oral proclivities one iota.

        • flamingpdog

          Screw Sara Benincasa* – your are now my goddess, Limeylizzie!

          *although that's not a bad idea, either.

        • ttommyunger

          You are a rare catch. Goodonya!

  • Weenus299

    Wait, that's not mustard on his face. …

  • EatsBabyDingos

    I'd rather see him doing squats on a fire hydrant.

  • Goonemeritus

    As Freud would have said sometimes a corndog is just a corndog. I will say however I don’t think you would have caught Adlai Stevenson eating one on camera.

  • Jukesgrrl

    If he expects to get the vegan vote, he's going to have to do that to a cucumber.

    • mumbly_joe

      Kortney 2012!

  • chicken_thief

    That bitch with the shades (his "wife"?!) looks like she's taking frekin' notes this guy is so good.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Practice makes perfect!

  • DahBoner

    Sarah Palin only eats corndogs with a knife and a fork in classy New York City restaurants, like Papaya King

    • emmelemm

      Wow. And with that, you made me miss NYC where I haven't lived in 15 years.

  • Crank_Tango

    you can't see it in the pics, but the corndogs give him a snooki-bump.

  • tihond

    Needs more Rick Perry deep-throating corn dogs. (I can never be satisfied)

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Just ughhh….why don't these dumb asses ever eat a damn onion ring or hamburger?

  • Fare la Volpe

    Adam wishes he were that hung.

  • Gleem_McShineys

    Long Corn Dong

  • SenileAgitation

    Rick and Michele sharing Dong Dog chores gives me a sexy feeling I never got from Hillary and Barack sharing chocolate donuts. What gives?

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Sweet zombie Jesus, that's going to give me nightmares.

    • emmelemm

      Check out the whirling one (link in Mapmonger's comment)!

  • ttommyunger

    Ken, ya done good. This article is almost as cruel, tasteless and crude as some of the shit coming from the Koch Think-Tanks (Otherwise known as Septic Tanks). Keep up the bad work. My motto is: if they come with fists, use clubs. Clubs use knives. Knives, use guns. Lets get down in the gutter with them and make them squeal and cry like the little girls they are.

    • Crank_Tango

      u make little girls squeal and cry? I thought it was just me…

      • ttommyunger

        Great minds do run together.

  • RedneckMuslin

    I 8 1 2

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Ana Marie Cox could do it. Alex Pareene could do it. Even Riley Waggaman could do it. But Ken Layne – a burned out blog editor who draws all life-forms in his vicinity into a deep well of despair – cannot stop making posts on Wonkette. If you're still posting many months after you've announced you've quit, you either weren't ready, or you're morally weak. Jack Stuef knew what to do when he looked in the mirror and found himself morally lacking.

    • jus_wonderin

      Jack Stuef, we barely knew him. Can I make a Trig comment here????

      • http://www.frso.org/index.htm 4TheTurnstiles

        "MISSLE KRUSHER DONGLE."

        –J. Stuef, retard

    • BTWBFDIMHO

      It'd be Palinesque to quit now.

    • DahBoner

      "Ana Marie Cox could do it"'

      We are talking about assfucking, right?

      • http://www.frso.org/index.htm 4TheTurnstiles

        You, sir, have won the Internet.

    • http://wonkette.com Ken Layne

      I hear Huffington Post has a couple thousand openings for commenters.

      • Dexter Linwood

        WIN

        HuffPo is the WalMart of the liberal blogosphere.

  • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

    Now that's art!

  • Mapmonger

    The corndogging just gets better if it spins: http://remainingeye.com/post/9031106510

    • flamingpdog

      I thought they took art classes out of the schools. Guess the kidz are learning to be artists on their own.

  • Doktor Zoom

    OT, but I thought you should all know that I just read an affadavit in a child custody case in which one party states that they disagree with the other parent's decision to have the child given medication for "assburgers."

    Then again, maybe that isn't OT at all.

    • not that Dewey

      What are they prescribing for that these days? Fries?

  • BlueStateLibel

    Thanks, now I have to go rinse my eyes out with Clorax.

  • neiltheblaze

    I doubt he's that good at it in real life.

  • iburl

    The trick is to do a Google image search for "GOP Corndog"
    That's some fine googlin'.

  • Wonderthing

    Hey is this the Rick Perry Dick Sucking Ha Ha Ha Museum? Where can I get a seat? Oh, thanks! Yep….yep…yep..he's sure doing a number on those "corn dogs". Hmmm. Strangely I feel aroused. Uh oh. Ahem. Which way to the "Bachmann's Husband Pray The Gay Away Chuckle Chuckle Chuckle Arboretum"?

  • MikeInMichigan

    Probably not a good time to ask if Ricky ever read Mark Leyner's "Tooth Imprints on a Corndog."

  • fuflans

    both of my grandmas are dead and – after seeing this perry pictogram – i am not sorry.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Isn't the big question why, in the picture above the creation of man, is Hitler standing beside Gov. Perry?

  • Dexter Linwood

    Are you trying to seduce us, Mr. Perry?

  • http://yakkingmelmoth.blogspot.com/ Porter Melmoth

    Adam had pretty good hair, too.

  • PlanetWingNut

    someone needs to make the first pic bigger…and have a gif of marcus Rising in the back…looking all hot and bothered then disappearing again only to reappear doing the same thing over and over and over again…