AMERICA'S NEXT PRESIDENT  3:34 pm September 7, 2011

A Children’s Treasury of Rick Perry Deep-Throating Corndogs

by Ken Layne

Snake eating its own fail.Did we somehow forget to post a collection of comical photographs/photoshops of Rick Perry performing fellatio on a corn dog, for America? Well now is the time, so gather Grandma and the neighbors around the ‘puter and get ready to meet your Next President, the Last President of the Late Great (?) United States of America, Handsome Boy Modeling School graduate Rick Perry!

SOUL .... SUCKIN' .... JERKWhistlin’ dixie with the dixie cup filled. With the barbecue sauce and the dental floss chill.

He could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.He could suck the chrome off a pair of, uh, chrome truck nutz.

Michelangelo indeed coulda carved out your features.Manipulator of crowds, you’re a dream twister.
You’re going to Sodom and Gomorrah.
But what do you care? Ain’t nobody there would want to marry your sister.

Thanks to everybody who keeps sending these to us! Thanks, really! Now we have them all!

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 124 comments }

Crank_Tango September 7, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Christ, Rick, you're only supposed to bite it, not suck it all down and tickle the balls. Must be a habit for him.

owhatever September 7, 2011 at 3:39 pm

He looks so…so…natural doing that.

Pristine_ODummy September 7, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Almost as if he's been doing it … forever.

RadioEnron9/11 September 7, 2011 at 3:39 pm

He sure likes those Koch's.

DaRooster September 7, 2011 at 3:40 pm

I am going to hang these up… might help me lose that last 10 pounds.

justkillmenow September 7, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Marcus throws support behind Perry in 3…2…

HA! I said "behind!"

Pristine_ODummy September 7, 2011 at 4:50 pm

'Tain't just support, but hey.

HA! I said "Taint!"

Thurman Munster IV September 7, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Rick looks like he knows how to Pound a Perry

Pristine_ODummy September 7, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Into a Dingleperry.

Callyson September 7, 2011 at 3:41 pm

I will never, ever eat a hot dog or sausage again…

Mumbletypeg September 7, 2011 at 3:41 pm

I'm worried Santorum is gonna feel a litle left out.

Fare la Volpe September 7, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Emphasis on little.

WhatTheHolyHeck September 7, 2011 at 4:41 pm

That comment is so totally bigoted against him.

Not_So_Much September 7, 2011 at 4:49 pm

There will always be a little something left behind for Santorum to clean up.

DahBoner September 7, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Wouldn't want to be the janitor cleaning up after the debate for any amount of money in the world….

Pristine_ODummy September 7, 2011 at 4:51 pm

He can always bring his Santorum Peach Jelly to the party.

Fare la Volpe September 7, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Extra whipped cream.

Pristine_ODummy September 7, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Whip it! Whip it till it's frothy.

Ungh ungh!

Grief_Lessons September 7, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Photoshop this into yesterday's Nancy Grace photo and you have the end of fucking civilization on your hands.

EatsBabyDingos September 7, 2011 at 4:27 pm

But would it be inappropriate to call the critters boobs "Pound Puppies?"

Biel_ze_Bubba September 8, 2011 at 3:13 am

More like six-pound puppies.

cheetojeebus September 7, 2011 at 3:44 pm

MC Esher just appeared to spin in his grave but it was an illusion.
btw should i sterilize this spork before i dig my eyes out?

Pristine_ODummy September 7, 2011 at 4:51 pm

With pure cocaine. It'll cut the pain, too.

Barb September 7, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Rick's a horn dog for porn dogs.

DahBoner September 7, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Ever notice how all the interracial porn dogs are golden brown?

LabRodent September 7, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Everybody knows brown corn dogs are much bigger.

DahBoner September 7, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Well, even the brown ones are pink on the inside…

SayItWithWookies September 7, 2011 at 3:44 pm

He's not a groupie — he's a band date.

V572 T-Blow September 7, 2011 at 4:44 pm

And no sex with the band members! Just blowjobs.

Lucidamente1 September 7, 2011 at 3:46 pm

This is just practice for what he's going to do to Ronald Reagan's mummified and inflated member at tonight's debate.

DahBoner September 7, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Tain't nothing.

Perry got his start swallowing swords down at the Texas A & M freakshow….

poncho_pilot September 7, 2011 at 4:02 pm

ha. what happens in the Corps of Cadets dorms stays in the Corps of Cadets dorms.

and A&M does burn an enormous "makeshift phallus" every year.

i'm sure they have that drinkin' while buildin' and engineerin' thing straightened out by now.

elviouslyqueer September 7, 2011 at 5:14 pm

T'aint what you do; it's the taint that you're doing.

Tundra Grifter September 7, 2011 at 3:47 pm

I'll skip the photos of the banana eating contest.

DemonicRage September 7, 2011 at 3:48 pm

When he is Leader of The Free World, he will send thunderbolts out of his fingertips to singe the eyelashes of whoever had the gall to post these devil worshipper's fapping material.

Tundra Grifter September 7, 2011 at 3:48 pm

That boy could give Kortney some lessons. Sumbitch!

LabRodent September 7, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Ya know how somethings just look at home in someones mouth. Hellooooo Ricky.

Come here a minute September 7, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Oh, how I hope tonight is a true Perry pounding — this country may deserve another "Dubya", but I don't want to see it!

4TheTurnstiles September 7, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Make it rain, Rick!

smashedinhat September 7, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Looks like that's not his first corn dog, if you know what I mean.

emmelemm September 7, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Where's that one .gif with Michele and Rick that swirls around and around? That shit is scary.

revmatty September 7, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Holy crap that top image of Rick and Michele is the most disturbing faux-porn picture I've seen in my entire life. Excuse me while I bleach my brain.

chicken_thief September 7, 2011 at 4:40 pm

You know where that dawg was before they put in their mouths, right?

emmelemm September 7, 2011 at 5:06 pm

I know, right? The expression on Michele's face… Save me!

subsum September 7, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Oh… fucking gross!

OneDollarJuana September 7, 2011 at 3:57 pm

I bet Ricky likes his corn dogs all the way down to the tater tots.

BerkeleyBear September 7, 2011 at 4:00 pm

God, what terrible technique. Everyone knows the tip is the best part. And the most sensitive – if you don't approach it just right, you get hot (dog) liquid squirting all over.

Okay, I'll shut up now before even I start questioning my sexuality.

OneDollarJuana September 7, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Better be mayo. If you get mustard or ketchup squirting, you're doing it wrong.

Redhead September 7, 2011 at 4:02 pm

What, no socialist firemen corndogs?

JoshuaNorton September 7, 2011 at 4:02 pm

To paraphrase Freud:

"Sometimes a corndog is just a corndog"

This time is not one of them.

elviouslyqueer September 7, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Congrats, Rick, on mastering the whole "less teeth, more gums" rule of knobslobbing.

ManchuCandidate September 7, 2011 at 4:03 pm

I know a gal, she works on The Hill.
She won't do it but her rival will,
When he boogie,
He do the Corn Dog boogie.
Well now boogie Guvner Ricky,
Boogie woogie all night long.
Blow your top blow your top blow your top.

gullywompr September 7, 2011 at 4:04 pm

It's corndogs all the way down.

edgydrifter September 7, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Watch it, Rick! I told you–NO TEETH!

RadioEnron9/11 September 7, 2011 at 4:09 pm

After that display, I can see why Zeus is raining hellfire upon Texas.

El Pinche September 7, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Ahhhhhh yes, this is my Wonkette.

Geminisunmars September 7, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Ouroboros forever! Ken Layne is my hero. Thanks for the alt text.

Fred_Wertham_Jr September 7, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Ken Layne just saved my life.

Sharkey September 7, 2011 at 4:15 pm

It really is a dog eat dog world.

weejee September 7, 2011 at 4:36 pm

It really is a dog eat dog world

It really is a dick eat dick world. /fixed

RedneckMuslin September 7, 2011 at 4:19 pm

For Tea Party Freedumb!!

RedneckMuslin September 7, 2011 at 4:20 pm

You know who else could swallow a foot long?

SorosBot September 7, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Marcus Bachmann?

chicken_thief September 7, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Larry Craig, with a really wide stance?

GregComlish September 7, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Jared from Subway?

Crank_Tango September 7, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Eva Braun?

HelmutNewton September 7, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Linda Lovelace?

Fare la Volpe September 7, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Debbie, of Dallas?

SorosBot September 7, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Kortney?

elviouslyqueer September 7, 2011 at 5:16 pm

All of the Palins, regardless of gender?

gullywompr September 7, 2011 at 5:53 pm

My wife?

hollywooddood September 7, 2011 at 6:30 pm

Win!

BTWBFDIMHO September 7, 2011 at 6:07 pm

Liberace?

drrty_martini September 7, 2011 at 7:38 pm

Nancy Reagan had quite the reputation!

Limeylizzie September 7, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Oh God, I am terrified that: a) Rick Perry WILL be our next President and b) I will lose the desire to ever perform oral sex again.

Fare la Volpe September 7, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Just wait for Michele to be caught munching a fish taco.

ttommyunger September 7, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Just avoid that one food item, Lizzie: Wedding Cake.

Limeylizzie September 7, 2011 at 6:06 pm

As in “Don't get married”?…too late, but it hasn't lessened my oral proclivities one iota.

flamingpdog September 7, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Screw Sara Benincasa* – your are now my goddess, Limeylizzie!

*although that's not a bad idea, either.

ttommyunger September 7, 2011 at 10:45 pm

You are a rare catch. Goodonya!

Weenus299 September 7, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Wait, that's not mustard on his face. …

EatsBabyDingos September 7, 2011 at 4:23 pm

I'd rather see him doing squats on a fire hydrant.

Goonemeritus September 7, 2011 at 4:36 pm

As Freud would have said sometimes a corndog is just a corndog. I will say however I don’t think you would have caught Adlai Stevenson eating one on camera.

Jukesgrrl September 7, 2011 at 4:37 pm

If he expects to get the vegan vote, he's going to have to do that to a cucumber.

mumbly_joe September 7, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Kortney 2012!

chicken_thief September 7, 2011 at 4:38 pm

That bitch with the shades (his "wife"?!) looks like she's taking frekin' notes this guy is so good.

elviouslyqueer September 7, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Practice makes perfect!

DahBoner September 7, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Sarah Palin only eats corndogs with a knife and a fork in classy New York City restaurants, like Papaya King

emmelemm September 7, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Wow. And with that, you made me miss NYC where I haven't lived in 15 years.

Crank_Tango September 7, 2011 at 4:54 pm

you can't see it in the pics, but the corndogs give him a snooki-bump.

tihond September 7, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Needs more Rick Perry deep-throating corn dogs. (I can never be satisfied)

Texan_Bulldog September 7, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Just ughhh….why don't these dumb asses ever eat a damn onion ring or hamburger?

Fare la Volpe September 7, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Adam wishes he were that hung.

Gleem_McShineys September 7, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Long Corn Dong

SenileAgitation September 7, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Rick and Michele sharing Dong Dog chores gives me a sexy feeling I never got from Hillary and Barack sharing chocolate donuts. What gives?

Dr_Zoidberg September 7, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Sweet zombie Jesus, that's going to give me nightmares.

emmelemm September 7, 2011 at 7:15 pm

Check out the whirling one (link in Mapmonger's comment)!

ttommyunger September 7, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Ken, ya done good. This article is almost as cruel, tasteless and crude as some of the shit coming from the Koch Think-Tanks (Otherwise known as Septic Tanks). Keep up the bad work. My motto is: if they come with fists, use clubs. Clubs use knives. Knives, use guns. Lets get down in the gutter with them and make them squeal and cry like the little girls they are.

Crank_Tango September 7, 2011 at 5:28 pm

u make little girls squeal and cry? I thought it was just me…

ttommyunger September 7, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Great minds do run together.

RedneckMuslin September 7, 2011 at 5:45 pm

I 8 1 2

Chet Kincaid September 7, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Ana Marie Cox could do it. Alex Pareene could do it. Even Riley Waggaman could do it. But Ken Layne – a burned out blog editor who draws all life-forms in his vicinity into a deep well of despair – cannot stop making posts on Wonkette. If you're still posting many months after you've announced you've quit, you either weren't ready, or you're morally weak. Jack Stuef knew what to do when he looked in the mirror and found himself morally lacking.

jus_wonderin September 7, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Jack Stuef, we barely knew him. Can I make a Trig comment here????

4TheTurnstiles September 7, 2011 at 6:34 pm

"MISSLE KRUSHER DONGLE."

–J. Stuef, retard

BTWBFDIMHO September 7, 2011 at 6:06 pm

It'd be Palinesque to quit now.

DahBoner September 7, 2011 at 6:25 pm

"Ana Marie Cox could do it"'

We are talking about assfucking, right?

4TheTurnstiles September 7, 2011 at 6:34 pm

You, sir, have won the Internet.

Ken Layne September 7, 2011 at 6:47 pm

I hear Huffington Post has a couple thousand openings for commenters.

Dexter Linwood September 8, 2011 at 1:30 am

WIN

HuffPo is the WalMart of the liberal blogosphere.

KenLayIsAlive September 7, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Now that's art!

Mapmonger September 7, 2011 at 6:06 pm

The corndogging just gets better if it spins: http://remainingeye.com/post/9031106510

flamingpdog September 7, 2011 at 6:56 pm

I thought they took art classes out of the schools. Guess the kidz are learning to be artists on their own.

Doktor Zoom September 7, 2011 at 6:13 pm

OT, but I thought you should all know that I just read an affadavit in a child custody case in which one party states that they disagree with the other parent's decision to have the child given medication for "assburgers."

Then again, maybe that isn't OT at all.

not that Dewey September 7, 2011 at 7:33 pm

What are they prescribing for that these days? Fries?

BlueStateLibel September 7, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Thanks, now I have to go rinse my eyes out with Clorax.

neiltheblaze September 7, 2011 at 6:42 pm

I doubt he's that good at it in real life.

iburl September 7, 2011 at 6:43 pm

The trick is to do a Google image search for "GOP Corndog"
That's some fine googlin'.

Wonderthing September 7, 2011 at 6:51 pm

Hey is this the Rick Perry Dick Sucking Ha Ha Ha Museum? Where can I get a seat? Oh, thanks! Yep….yep…yep..he's sure doing a number on those "corn dogs". Hmmm. Strangely I feel aroused. Uh oh. Ahem. Which way to the "Bachmann's Husband Pray The Gay Away Chuckle Chuckle Chuckle Arboretum"?

MikeInMichigan September 7, 2011 at 6:59 pm

Probably not a good time to ask if Ricky ever read Mark Leyner's "Tooth Imprints on a Corndog."

fuflans September 7, 2011 at 7:21 pm

both of my grandmas are dead and – after seeing this perry pictogram – i am not sorry.

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 7, 2011 at 7:23 pm

Isn't the big question why, in the picture above the creation of man, is Hitler standing beside Gov. Perry?

Dexter Linwood September 8, 2011 at 1:29 am

Are you trying to seduce us, Mr. Perry?

Porter Melmoth September 8, 2011 at 11:57 am

Adam had pretty good hair, too.

PlanetWingNut September 8, 2011 at 4:34 pm

someone needs to make the first pic bigger…and have a gif of marcus Rising in the back…looking all hot and bothered then disappearing again only to reappear doing the same thing over and over and over again…

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