america's next president

A Children’s Treasury of Rick Perry Deep-Throating Corndogs

Snake eating its own fail.Did we somehow forget to post a collection of comical photographs/photoshops of Rick Perry performing fellatio on a corn dog, for America? Well now is the time, so gather Grandma and the neighbors around the ‘puter and get ready to meet your Next President, the Last President of the Late Great (?) United States of America, Handsome Boy Modeling School graduate Rick Perry!

SOUL .... SUCKIN' .... JERKWhistlin’ dixie with the dixie cup filled. With the barbecue sauce and the dental floss chill.

He could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.He could suck the chrome off a pair of, uh, chrome truck nutz.

Michelangelo indeed coulda carved out your features.Manipulator of crowds, you’re a dream twister.
You’re going to Sodom and Gomorrah.
But what do you care? Ain’t nobody there would want to marry your sister.

Thanks to everybody who keeps sending these to us! Thanks, really! Now we have them all!

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Hola wonkerados.

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124 comments

  1. Crank_Tango

    Christ, Rick, you're only supposed to bite it, not suck it all down and tickle the balls. Must be a habit for him.

      1. DahBoner

        Wouldn't want to be the janitor cleaning up after the debate for any amount of money in the world….

  2. Grief_Lessons

    Photoshop this into yesterday's Nancy Grace photo and you have the end of fucking civilization on your hands.

  3. cheetojeebus

    MC Esher just appeared to spin in his grave but it was an illusion.
    btw should i sterilize this spork before i dig my eyes out?

  4. Lucidamente1

    This is just practice for what he's going to do to Ronald Reagan's mummified and inflated member at tonight's debate.

    1. poncho_pilot

      ha. what happens in the Corps of Cadets dorms stays in the Corps of Cadets dorms.

      and A&M does burn an enormous "makeshift phallus" every year.

      i'm sure they have that drinkin' while buildin' and engineerin' thing straightened out by now.

  5. DemonicRage

    When he is Leader of The Free World, he will send thunderbolts out of his fingertips to singe the eyelashes of whoever had the gall to post these devil worshipper's fapping material.

  6. Come here a minute

    Oh, how I hope tonight is a true Perry pounding — this country may deserve another "Dubya", but I don't want to see it!

  7. revmatty

    Holy crap that top image of Rick and Michele is the most disturbing faux-porn picture I've seen in my entire life. Excuse me while I bleach my brain.

  8. BerkeleyBear

    God, what terrible technique. Everyone knows the tip is the best part. And the most sensitive – if you don't approach it just right, you get hot (dog) liquid squirting all over.

    Okay, I'll shut up now before even I start questioning my sexuality.

  9. ManchuCandidate

    I know a gal, she works on The Hill.
    She won't do it but her rival will,
    When he boogie,
    He do the Corn Dog boogie.
    Well now boogie Guvner Ricky,
    Boogie woogie all night long.
    Blow your top blow your top blow your top.

  10. Limeylizzie

    Oh God, I am terrified that: a) Rick Perry WILL be our next President and b) I will lose the desire to ever perform oral sex again.

        1. flamingpdog

          Screw Sara Benincasa* – your are now my goddess, Limeylizzie!

          *although that's not a bad idea, either.

  11. Goonemeritus

    As Freud would have said sometimes a corndog is just a corndog. I will say however I don’t think you would have caught Adlai Stevenson eating one on camera.

  12. chicken_thief

    That bitch with the shades (his "wife"?!) looks like she's taking frekin' notes this guy is so good.

  13. DahBoner

    Sarah Palin only eats corndogs with a knife and a fork in classy New York City restaurants, like Papaya King

  14. SenileAgitation

    Rick and Michele sharing Dong Dog chores gives me a sexy feeling I never got from Hillary and Barack sharing chocolate donuts. What gives?

  15. ttommyunger

    Ken, ya done good. This article is almost as cruel, tasteless and crude as some of the shit coming from the Koch Think-Tanks (Otherwise known as Septic Tanks). Keep up the bad work. My motto is: if they come with fists, use clubs. Clubs use knives. Knives, use guns. Lets get down in the gutter with them and make them squeal and cry like the little girls they are.

  16. Chet Kincaid

    Ana Marie Cox could do it. Alex Pareene could do it. Even Riley Waggaman could do it. But Ken Layne – a burned out blog editor who draws all life-forms in his vicinity into a deep well of despair – cannot stop making posts on Wonkette. If you're still posting many months after you've announced you've quit, you either weren't ready, or you're morally weak. Jack Stuef knew what to do when he looked in the mirror and found himself morally lacking.

    1. flamingpdog

      I thought they took art classes out of the schools. Guess the kidz are learning to be artists on their own.

  17. Doktor Zoom

    OT, but I thought you should all know that I just read an affadavit in a child custody case in which one party states that they disagree with the other parent's decision to have the child given medication for "assburgers."

    Then again, maybe that isn't OT at all.

  18. Wonderthing

    Hey is this the Rick Perry Dick Sucking Ha Ha Ha Museum? Where can I get a seat? Oh, thanks! Yep….yep…yep..he's sure doing a number on those "corn dogs". Hmmm. Strangely I feel aroused. Uh oh. Ahem. Which way to the "Bachmann's Husband Pray The Gay Away Chuckle Chuckle Chuckle Arboretum"?

  19. MikeInMichigan

    Probably not a good time to ask if Ricky ever read Mark Leyner's "Tooth Imprints on a Corndog."

  20. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Isn't the big question why, in the picture above the creation of man, is Hitler standing beside Gov. Perry?

  21. PlanetWingNut

    someone needs to make the first pic bigger…and have a gif of marcus Rising in the back…looking all hot and bothered then disappearing again only to reappear doing the same thing over and over and over again…

Comments are closed.