Did Prince Do 9/11?

  A truthful xplanation but you know what? Eye got another conspiracy

According to the people speaking Elvish in this European television broadcast, shocking audio from a Prince concert in 1998 proves the Minneapolis badass knew years in advance that Osama bin Laden would “bomb” (hip hop for “use passenger jets as missiles”) the United States in 2001. Why won’t the Tea Party distance itself from Prince?

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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85 comments

  1. SorosBot

    No, Prince predicted that the party would be over, out of time when it became two thousand zero zero, at the end of nineteen ninety-nine. Jeez, doesn't anyone know the classics any more?

  2. SayItWithWookies

    Hell, Arthur C. Clarke knew 30 years beforehand — the large, black rectangular monoliths inciting tool-use in proto-humans is exactly parallel to the WTC causing al-Qaida to attack it with airplanes. Dude's got some explaining to do.

  3. edgydrifter

    Raspberry Beret was a thinly-veiled critique of globalization and the concentration of wealth via currency-market manipulations. WAKE UP, AMERICA!!

  4. EatsBabyDingos

    Prince is from… [cue ominous music] Minnesota. And we know what else comes from. ..Minnesota.

    1. Come here a minute

      Well on one hand you've got
      – Norm Coleman
      – Michele Bachmann
      – Marcus Bachmann
      – Jesse Ventura
      – TAFKA T-Paw

      But on the other hand there's
      – Al Franken
      – Lizard People
      – Garrison Keillor

    1. Ken Layne

      Yeah, we'll make *sure* not to note the ENTIRE COUNTRY GOING INSANE for the 9/11 anniversary. We *never* pay any attention to Americans going insane.

      1. weejee

        Are the Wonkette supersleuths digging in to find that the Saudi Princes were in on 9/11 all the way up to the agals that hold the keffiyehs on their amoral heads? Y'all aren't gonna let some W-bama redaction get in your way are ya?

        1. SorosBot

          How about a crying eagle on black velvet? We'll probably see a lot more of those; but won't get to hear what it sounds like when doves cry.

        2. mumbly_joe

          Every year, I face the stronger and stronger urge to write on my facebook or twitter, "HAPPY 9/11, EVERYBODY!"

          But, it ends up, one of my friends had an actual nervous breakdown over it, so doing so wouldn't go over too well with my friends and might be slightly less funny because of that. Slightly.

      1. Come here a minute

        And no extra "God Bless America" during the baseball games. (Yes, they still do this every Sunday, instead of the hallowed hymn, "Take Me Out to the Ballgame".) As Tom Hanks said, "There's no praying in baseball, or something!"

        1. SorosBot

          Oh yeah, they sang that at the last baseball game I attended (which is not something I do often) and I was confused and, as an atheist, somewhat offended. I made a point not to sing along.

          1. V572 T-Blow

            How did the people sitting around you respond:

            (1) "Say, I noticed you failed to join in the collective singing a Broadway show tune that has become our ex officio national anthem. Is it because you don't think the Almighty has chosen to bless one national unit above another? Or perhaps you are a bit skeptical about the entire idea of a supreme being. I'd like to hear more about your views in any case."

            (2) "Get the fuck outahere, you hippie fag pinko peace creep!"

        2. littlebigdaddy

          Yeah, I fucking hate that. If it were America the Beautiful, it wouldn't be so bad. It also comes at the time right before beer sales end, so it's doubly bad.

    2. RadioEnron9/11

      I was sick of this quasi-naustalgia fest 3 weeks ago. Can you imagine the moments of silence and "where were you?" bombardment that is yet to come?

      1. WhatTheHolyHeck

        I am likely to commit violence if exposed to yet more self-indulgent navel-gazing from some file clerk in Nebraska who recounts the deep personal suffering she endured while watching the towers fall on the office conference room television.

      2. Crank_Tango

        I will nevar forgit…I was sleeping the morning away, about to go down to mexico to buy more pills, when I heard the news. I had to skip the pills cuz the border got closed, and go out and get drunk instead.
        Some asshole in the bar was babbling about how we deserved it, and I sat there contemplating breaking my pint glass and stabbing him in the neck with it.
        That night, a DJ refused my request to play "killing an arab." must not have been a Cure fan.
        Needless to say, I was in rehab three months to the day after 9/11.

  5. Chet Kincaid

    Prince was taken away in custody while trying to board a United Airlines jet in Minneapolis. A security scan found a lion in his pocket, reportedly "ready to roar."

  6. FakaktaSouth

    Just like the fucking teabagging Rethugs – ignore this but take "Lets Go Crazy" to the nth degree forever.

    "He said how'd you like to waste some time?
    And I could not resist when I saw little Rick-y grind…"

  7. powersuit

    It's Prince code, ordering them to "punch a higher floor".

    But the real question is, where were Wendy and Lisa?

  8. Sue4466

    I'm gonna go out on a limb here and suggest that conversation wouldn't make anymore sense if I did speak whatever language they're using.

  9. tcaalaw

    I blame Was (Not Was) based on their song "I Blew Up The United States"! (I'm actually surprised this one doesn't get mentioned more in conspiracy theories. It even has lines about blowing up the Statue of Liberty.)

  10. prommie

    Well, if you had said "Saudi Prince," that would be a nother thing entirely. But them Saudis are in the Oil Bidness just like W and Dicky, so they got the biggest pass ever in the history of ther world.

Comments are closed.