According to sources within every other GOP candidate’s campaign, Rick Perry is a liberal queer who loves Al Gore, Hillarycare, Hillary Clinton, Obamacare and federal welfare money handouts for the Texas wildfires he deliberately started, for the cause of Mexican socialism. So it’s no surprise that the pothead hobbits who support Ron Paul are launching an INTERNET VIDEO WAR against the leftist Rick Perry. This is good news for … China? Probably China. Let’s watch the chilling video, together.
Ron Paul is going to Restore America’s Greatness by shutting down America entirely, so that roving bands of coloreds can prey upon the obese teabaggers stalled in the HOV lanes on their Diesel Rascals, after the government subsidies for importing Arab Oil are stopped by Ron Paul. What would Rick Perry do, prancing down the New York fashion runway in his Village People shiny boots and ’70s porn wig? Why, Rick Perry would probably make Al Gore the “Climate Czar” and start giving Cadillacs to welfare moms. (Are there still Cadillacs? Probably not.)
Anyway, enjoy the GOP candidates’ debate! Fox News will somehow manage to “forget” that Ron Paul even attended the debate. And enjoy the MSNBC promise that the debate will actually be a “gang bang” with the other candidates engaged in frantic “Perry Pounding” until everyone is spent, the end. Thanks to Wonkette operative “Terry C.” for the MSNBC screenshot.
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Yes. Amurikka's decline is good news for China. Land of the free and home of the Communisits.
Those communists sure have a lot of money. $1165.5 billion in US treasuries alone. I don't know how much that is, but it looks like a lot. Maybe we should try that communism thing too, and ALL GET RICH!
Unless we default on our bonds, in which case they'll be the Land of the Broke.
More like Land of the Pissed Off.
Does it mention where Perry lands on the all-important "hanky code" issue?
All of them Katie.
Paul RevereRon Paul tried to warn the British about the dangers of runaway taxation by putting a hanky in his pocket, but did anybody listen?I prefer the "Towelly" issue… more pot.
Where I come from, you have to pay extra for a "Perry Pounding."
A Perry Pounding results in santorum, doesn't it?
Everytime a female co-worker drops the F-bomb, I tell her I pay good money to have women talk to me like that. Always gets a laugh.
I thought that said that Al Gore was going to be the 'Climax Czar', but that didn't make any sense at all.
Mrs. Gore didn't think so either.
Hey Al… Tipper that way!
To quote Al Gore's homeboy Lil Jon " Skeet skeet skeet skeet skeet skeet!!"
This reminds me of the Iran-Iraq War.
'Scuse me, I'm going to take this Hustler mag into the bathroom and pound Perry a bit.
If my dick looked like Perry, I'd beat it w/ a hammer.
Ick, I couldn't hate Perry more had he married a Kardashian.
Kardashians are now written into NBA and NFL contracts.
There aren't enough to go around. Some of those guys will have to share.
There's a sports metaphor for that.
Something to do with trains.
You mean Robert Kardashian, right?
I think the Perry and Palin family trees need to join.
No, one's GRIFT, and the other is GRAFT.
Here's the next best thing. You're welcome.
Her name is going to be Lauren Lauren?
Yes yes.
<start Butthead's laugh> Uh huh huh huh… <end Butthead's laugh> <start Butthead's voice> He said "pounding…" <end Butthead's voice> <start Butthead's laugh> Uh huh huh huh… <end Butthead's laugh>
Let's hope they execute this strategy effectively.
The Wonkette always had a kind of weird hate-crush on Ron Paul. One gets the sense that slowly, slowly, as exquisitely as a sunflower tilting to the east, it's turning into the real thing.
Not today, not tomorrow, but soon, we will all be Proud Paultards.
Wonkette *endorsed* Ron Paul in early 2007. (I remember; I wrote the post.)
Of course, our reasons for "supporting Ron Paul" are a little kinkier than the average Paultard's reasons, in that we want to hurry up and get to the Apocalypse, the actual/literal Death of America.
You don't see much media pointing out that in the last five years the Wonkette endorsement has picked as many presidents as the Iowa Straw Poll thing.
Bring back the Blimp! Our own, real airborne toxic event!
I pissed in a sink in Utah when it was twenty-two below. That's the coldest I ever pissed in a sink in.
Yeah, but we haven't forgotten your craven deal with RedState to ban the Paultards.
Wonkette: Selling America short since 2007!
And here I thought most liberals simply forgot he was a white supremacist capitalist nutjob because he promises legal pot.
Sexist! Rick Perry was a yell-leader, no?
Cadillacs for welfare moms is so passe, like American manufacturing.
Rick Perry will be on your GRANDMA"S DEATH PANEL!
I will gladly become a welfare mom and vote for Perry if he's handing out this kind of Cadillac.
GOOGLE RAY ALLEN!
I thought the shootout at the end of Reservoir Dogs was a clusterfuck til I started checking out this republican circlejerk.
Is it still true that you can go blind from Perry Pounding?
No, but it's hell on your Texas, I hear.
Just remember to keep your palms shaved.
He looks good in a uniform, he's got that going for him…
You know who ELSE looked good in a uniform?
The chicks who work at Hot Dog on a Stick?
Idi Amin?
This guy?
Or if you're a typical Rethug politician these guys?
Cartoon Japanese schoolgirls attacked by tentacle-rape demons?
Richard Gere?
Hooters girls?
These guys?
TAGGED: EIGHT DWARVES
Why such hatred for our moral midgority, Ken?
I want these two people to be in the debate:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnzlbyTZsQY
Oh sweet jesus that stinks of the apocalypse. I am tired of the "Good Old Days" whatever they were. Gimme some 21st century socialism please.
Where do we get somma that? I would like to um, experiment, with it for a bit.
In a Brave New World, we could get soma that.
I'm all for some Perry-pounding, but I'll need a bigger sledgehammer.
What about Santorum? Isn't that a product of Perry pounding? This could be a very frothy debate indeed. No wonder Obama didn't want to give his jobs speech tonight: with hardcore man-on-man-on-(Bach)mann action like this being streamed live into America's homes, it's best not to get in the way of progress.
Marcus is weak kneed at the thought of it.
That's what I get for posting before reading.
Ron Paul pounds Rick Perry? Meh, I prefer Paula Poundstone just sit on Rick Perry until he cries "Uncle".
Not to piss on the Paultines, but wasn't St. Reagan a Democrat before he was a Republican? Just like Perry?
And, just like Perry, Ronnie like playing cowboy and hair products.
I'm not sure what you mean by "playing cowboy" but I do recall hearing that while Reagan was fine with testifying before the HUAC there were questions about that bungalow he shared with Gary Cooper that he would not answer.
I meant the whole horse/boots/hat thing. But I think you just hit on another similarity between Reagan and Perry–the rumors.
Ron Paul must be eating his heart out!
And he was head of a union. Dipwad overpaid Hollywood union, but a union none the less.
Yeah but it was only so he could be a better snitch for the FBI. Like all the people who now idolize him, Reagan would only do a modicum of good if it could serve as cover for doing something much worse in secret.
Replace Perrys name with Dick (which he is) and the Debate just got more interesting.
Rick Dick?
Wonder what made Perry turn (and no, I don't care enough to do the Google on him–I have to live with him present day era & that's bad enough)? Did he read the same Gore Vidal book as our favorite loon from MN?
Haven't looked it up either, but I'd wager he simply wanted to keep winning elections in Texas.
Texas finally went fully GOP in the 90s. No shot at statewide office + no real convictions of his own + brainwashing people into thinking Al Gore was really a conservative = Perry as GOP critter. Foolowed by Perry slowly oozing to the right to a point where he probably can't recognize his own attitudes from 10 years ago.
Christine O'Donnell is totally against this Perry-Pounding.
Worst. Gay. Porn. Ever.
Isn't it really a little late in the game to be resurrecting AlGoreaphobia again?
[apologies in advance to Sara Benincasa, even though you ignore us]
How many times do we need to tell Paultards that no matter how many videos they release, how many internet polls the rig, how many news boards they troll with countless "STOP IGNORING RON PAUL!" comments and how many "debates" he wins, people will still not give a shit or vote for this old fuck?
Maybe if we all donate a dollar to his campaign, with the caveat that he quits if he gets a million individual $1 donations.
With the amount of “Patriotism” on display tonight, I’m expecting all the GOP candidates to cram into a DeLorean and return to 1776 when Jesus founded the USA.
They would be tarred and feathered within seconds of arriving, though.
HoooooRaaayy!!
Wonder if they'll bring dinosaur snacks for Christ's ride?
Buddy Roemer will come out after the debate to "mop up".
Nah, that's Herman Cain's job.
With an assist from Alan West.
STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT THIS MINUTE & LOOK AT THESE PICS. (Sorry for yelling.)
http://current.com/entertainment/comedy/93410878_...
http://current.com/1a1vekc
H/T to Sully because he would be interested in this type of stuff.
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha!
That's just wrong…
Buncha Corn(dog) Fed Fucks.
G.O.P. brown-noser Mark Halperin will be helping to common-tate tonight's teabag skree-festival.
I can't tolerate that asshole, so you'll have to watch without me.
~
I don't hate Mark because he's a dick (which he is). I hate him because he gets paid an exorbitant salary to be completely wrong about everything that comes out of his mouth. He's the male version of Sarah Palin in punditry land.
Another Friedman, then?
If this debate results in a "Perry pounding" gang bang, and Perry is one of God's golden children and Perry only engages in things that God has blessed and told Perry to engage in – does that mean that God approves of homosexual gang bangs?
And if Ron and Michele can go the distance, will that mean that God approves of "government spending"?
Perry Pounding? Is that what you young hepcats are calling it these days? Time to update the urban dictionary?
I met Issac at the leather bar and I took him home and gave him a Perry Pounding
How come everyone else will be at the gang bang, and all I get is Wonkette chat?
Hey, Morans! It is Football Night In Amerikkka! The hobbit and the Mormon can pound that hair model all they want but I'm not watchin'.
Oh darn, just my luck that the debate is on a Wednesday and I'll be out tonight and unable to watch it; I'll just have to catch one of the next three dozen debates instead.
You know who else was a cheerleader from Texas?
Wanda Holloway?
Kay Bailey Hutchison and Aaron Spelling. True fact.
Debbie?
Chet, yes. But that was specifically Dallas.
Debbie Benton??
Claire Bennet, the one Peter was told to save to save the world?
Tommy Lee Jones?
Lee Harvey Oswald?
And Dwight D. Eisenhower, Franklin D Roosevelt, Jimmy Stewart, Madonna, Meryl Streep, Michael Douglas, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Steve Martin, Thad Cochran and Trent Lott.
But none of them were smart enough to be from Texas…
THE ONE (who stood with Reagan)
Gadzooks. Ron Paul is . . . Neo. He will liberate us all.
Rick Perry, Al Gore's "cheerleader"? *Now* I understand the real reason Tipper walked…
I still think it had more to do with her inability to get the publicity she wanted on Current. All she'd asked for was one stinking mention on Sergio Cilli's White Hot Top Five. Was that too much to ask, Al? For the sake of your marriage?
If only Nixon had called himself Rick, things might have turned out differently.
Nah, that would have taken the joy outta the 1972 Prezdenchul campaign.
Best campaign slogan that never was an actual campaign slogan?
"Don't change Dicks in the middle of a screw, Vote for Nixon in '72."
Or "Millie" for the softer Tricky Dick…
So we can add "Al Gore" to the list of terms in the Official Wonkette Drinking Game?
If Reagan was reincarnated he would come back as Ron Paul or a dung beetle, whatever.
I vote for dung beetle.
Because they're always pushing shit around.–same, same….
He's been reincarnated many time already. That's why the roach motels are always full.
Will Gov. Perry also be pounding "Big Rick", just to keep up with the rest? Because that is not something I need to see.
I'm so glad this farktard knows absolutely nothing about Reagan's policy record while he was in office. Idiot.
Here. Some background on St. Ronnie.
http://thinkprogress.org/politics/2011/02/05/1422...
And Reagan raised the god damn debt ceiling 18 times.
You probably remember the millions of Teabaggers flooding the streets in protest over that?
The Great Teabagger Riots of the 1980's?
I will give Ron Paul credit. He wants to eliminate FEMA, while Rick Perry is begging them for money because his state is burning to the ground.
So Ron Paul would be the second Manchurian Candidate. Here to finish us off after Ronnie (the Alzheimer's) Raygun started us on this long downward spiral?
I forsee a great battle brewing on some World of Warcraft server.
I'm sending money to the Ron Paul campaign, just for kicks, to throw another gallon of gasoline on the Republican political fire. No FEMA help allowed.
I don't think they accept fiat currency; you have to send GOOOOOOOOLD.
Do all republicans suffer from Reagan tourettes?
Ron looked like a crazy dipshit even as a young man, surprise, surprise!
G.O.P. Rivals Get First Shot at Testing Perry in Debate
By MICHAEL D. SHEAR, NY Times, 41 minutes ago
Sounds fair to me…
Hey, since when did my 12-year-old nephew start writing headlines for MSNBC.com?!
Al Gore is right up there with Ben Franklin, Daniel Webster and Henry Wallace on the list of greatest American president's in an alternate universe.
OK, hold up a second.
How the fuck old is motherfucking Ron Paul??
He looks like he's about 60 in the pictures with Reagan, and he looks like he's a a hundred and sixty now. Is there any evidence that he's not a zombie? Because, if there is not, I'm going with he's a zombie.
Um, Dame Noonington is on Hardball right now. Wearing 3 strands of pearls and talking about 'balls of feet'
Is there a keg under Tweety's desk?
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