Your Wonkette is not tremendously interested in violent shoot-em-up video games as a rule, because we are always “reading the Internet” — whatever that means — something we can accurately say spews a lot more horror and abortion at unsuspecting brain cells than the bloodiest video games on the market. So we are a little “meh” about this half-baked “Tea Party Zombies Must Die” ‘puter game some bored programmer posted online to allow bored murder-inclined leftists to virtually mow down undead Tea Party hobbits as what, a tired joke, we suppose?
Are these real people we are seeing murdered? That is horrible? Who cares, because the “zombie” joke is so old that we have already lost interest. Because the game is kind of lame in terms of HUMOR, the only actual valuable metric of entertainment success where the Tea Party is concerned, it is only A GIANT DEF CON 4 DRUDGE ALERT that will napalm everyone’s Google News homepage with furious wingnut screams and oaths to get out their real guns if they see any leftists lurking around their driveways, etc. Hooray for the Internet! [Tea Party Zombies Must Die]
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How second amendmenty or is this first?
It's a happy marriage of the worst of both, my friend.
All of them, Katie. Well except the 18th Amendment, maybe. You'd want to be pretty drunk while playing this game.
Needs more surveyors marks.
Needs moar Zombie Reagan.
Is there an alzheimer's ray gun?
There you go again.
That was him, Ronald. The Alzheimer's Raygun.
Evidently, Ronnie the Alzheimer's Raygun gave the whole country the Alzheimer's. They can't remember who brought us the wars and economic collapse.
I blame High-Fructose Corn Syrup and Pig Anus Grease Cake.
Also known as Pizza.
Zombie has to be the final boss…
Patron saint of all the teabag zombies.
At least they aren't all Goth-y vampires.
Corn syrup and lard wrapped in an American flag is as American as eating a whole apple pie…
Needz zombie molly ivins power-up
A +5 Tongue of Cutting plus a 7-point upgrade for Wit.
I'll put my thumb up in that. What I mean is-
Tea Party Zombies must die. Yes.
This is a good idea in the same way that starting to drink at 10 AM on labour day is: superficially yes, but really no.
No, starting at 10 AM really IS a good idea.
I like you, proudgrampa. <hic!>
I know! You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning, right?
Why'd you wait so long to start? No wonder you have regrets.
you're right, better to begin at 8 and get an head start on the rest of you chumps
Yer all a buncha <hic!> pusshiesh. You just gotta keep drinkin' from the night before.
Never give <hic!> up! Shpsshthftdbftph.
Based on your socialist spelling of 'labour' and your stance on drinking, I am forced to call into question your American-hood.
That knock at your door will be homeland security. (Just joking, vee don't knock)
But the teabaggers can't be zombies; they neither have nor want any BRAAAAIIIINS…
I call video-game astroturfing. I know a lot of programmers and to a man (sorry ladies) they trend right or libertarian.
Edit: Plus, teabagger zombies? They would be even slower than actual zombies – unless they had zombie Rascals. That would be fun to watch.
"zombie Rascals"
Edit FTW
'puter geeks are all aspergery libertarian selfish-tards.
When you get paid to write puter programs it's easy to pretend you're doing everything all on your own, ignoring the massive society outside that makes this kind of work possible. And no one makes fun of you for signing "J. Galt" somewhere deep in the code comments because nobody else is OCD enough to go there.
Hey now, why don't you hey? I mean, hey! I'm a programmer, and I have yet to sign J. Galt anywhere. I used to fill cnet and pbs video search code with variables named bob and fred, and lots of long-winded pissed-off comment sections, but other than being kind of glad that I don't have to interact with other humans for 8 hours during the workday, there is no way I'm going Galt. But yeah, a lot of us are assholes. Fortunately, my current group seems to be more into 4-H for the kiddies and hobby farms than espousing the bullshit theory that prosperity can be created in a vacuum. A good reduction sauce, on the other hand, can definitely be created in a vacuum.
Agreed. If it wasn't for my computer that I interact with for 10 to 12 hours a day, I would probably be contributing to the Zombie Tea Bagger population.
That's the whole thing. Machines are SO easy. People are difficult.
You're a programmer, aren't you?
I wish. My developers are every one of them right-wing freakbags. I've just assumed there's something in Javascript that does damage to the empathy center of the brain.
Something about choosing to talk to a machine all day tends to select out the delicate flowers.
Welp, there goes my stint as Delicate Flower # 8,000,000,000.
I know a lot of programmers too, having worked in the industry for decades. Yes, there's a bunch of libertarians there, but theres also an awful lot of women and lefties.
And I have a horrible sneaking suspicion I might know the person who wrote this.
Super Mario Bros. is also about killing Tea Partiers, but allegorically. (King Koopa = Herman Cain)
"Pigs….in…..Spaaaaace"
i would play this but I already took a meat hook to my monitor when reading about current events. pretty much everyday.
Get off my lawn, you video-gaming kids! Space Invaders was the only video game I ever mastered. Kids these days and their Mario-this and Mario-that and gaming chairs and game consoles and I don't know what-all. And whats up with this fantasy football shit? Back in my day, we had fantasy sex, and that was it for our fantasy lives. Who the fuck would fantasize about football. And another thing . . . .
"…what's all this I keep hearing about "Internet corn"?
How can you grow corn on the intertubes? There isn't anyplace to put the dirt! And if I pour water on my screen it makes funny noises and smokes! Where would the little children lie in the cool shade and play with their their little corncob dolls? Why, in my day…
http://www.flickr.com/photos/planetjusta/38595119...
Does this mean the tea party game "Angry Bird Brains" won't be released?
You are so good. I bow before your superior snark.
Thanks!
100 "Little Debbie" points!
Oh my! Thanks!
I had a little Debbie once… I think I was 15 at the time. Hmmm.
There you are, pretty lady! Where were you yesterday? I was speculating that you had made plans to sneak your year-old Little Debbie snack cake into one of those "purses" Tone-deafette Walker was going to auction off for her Croquet-and-Croquette Rebuild Public Housing (Gov's Mansion version) Party.
No?
Has this been fucking ginned up on Fux as yet another example of leftist thuggery? Poor, thin-skinned patriots. *pssssttt…people don't like you, they REALLY don't.
Sons-o-bitches!
Maybe if James Hoffa had advertised this game.
So uncivil!!!
Why can't liberals be polite like the wingnutzi and auction off Glocks?
~
Has Fux News called on Barry to condemn this game for its "violent rhetoric" yet?
No, but I'm sure Michele B. has declared that it's a personal attack, and won't you please click on the link and give me some money?
No, but they're already boycotting and EMAILING!!1 the guy who created it. Don't read the comments on that site.
Actually, yes. Insannity even had some black guy on who kept driveling on and on about how "ghetto" the President is, how he lacks "grace" and "class" and all that other shit that Gee, Dumb? Yeah, Bush! had in such abandon, yaknow.
Fuck me but these people really stick something thorny and steely up my arse.
Beck was bitching about it on the radio today.
needz moar santorum
I'm still waiting for the new version of Angry Birds where the pigs are replaced with members of the Crazy Right Illuminati.
And instead of birds, it's glitter-bombing barbarians. Huzzah!
I can just picture a big ol' Rush Limbaugh pig at the bottom of the pile of glass bricks and hitting them with the shotgun bird, bringing everything crashing down on him. I would do that over and over and over.
I'd like to bomb those motherfucking barbarians, but glitter won't quite have the desired impact.
Secretly, all the non-teabagger Republicans on the Hill and their staffers are playing this game with substantial glee.
I'm surprised the RealRepublicans haven't resorted to drugging their teabaggerthug colleagues' beverages with the hard stuff.
This does of course prove that all liebruls are murderous nazi killers just itching to throw all good honest decent constitution-loving Amurricans in our Stalinist Gulags.
I would be OK throwing some of the dumb fuck republicans in a gulag
No more than 80-90 per cent, of course.
Maximum Stupid
Forget video games – when is someone going to mow down those dancing zombies on America's Got Talent?
Call of Doody
Neverquest
Red and Dead.
But, sadly, no Redemption…
Super Snarkio III
To be fair, Teabaggers would be the last people turned into zombies as zombies prefer eating human brains.
I think they'd actually settle for *any* kind of brains at all. Although, given that we're talking about teabaggers…
I do love Second Amendment solutions video games. If baggers don't like it they can just fucking make lemonade.
T'baggers only like Second Amendment remedies that involve real guns and real bullets pointed at real people. That they celebrate with commemorative Glocks and silent auctions.
And surveyor's marks!
Being a Zombie would be a step up for these mofo's.
It is so violent…
Gimme one.
awesome, how can i download?!
Zombie Libel!
I haven't enjoyed any video games since Bad Day on the Midway. This has promise.
Fail. No scooters.
"reading the Internet”
Is that what the kids are calling it these days? I hope you practice safe reading.
Sorry guys but this is despicable. The game is missing the "whiny hypocritical-conservative-crying-about-how-liberals-are-violent" zombie. You can kill them by kicking em in the zombie cunt.
Bludgeoning Sean Hannity would be satisfying. Oh, you're talking about the game.
Aim for the forehead, if you can find it under that cromagnon fur.
Has anyone else noticed how remarkably similar Sean Hannity's hair is to Rick Perry's?
Two heads, one rug?
This game will definitely cause seizures to the gamer. Deservedly so. Stupid puter games.
I'm tired of these muthafucking zombies…
There's too many muthafuckin' zombies on this muthafuckin' plane of existence.
Remember, kids:
Pixelated guns = bad
real guns = good
And, apparently, crowbar = socialist
G. Gordon Liddy approves, as he makes cartoon targets of the Clintons for real gun practice.
Jesus used a crowbar.
I thought Jesus was more of a cat o' nine tails kinda guy myself.
SEE?! Both sides are stupid!
Sometimes I feel like the term "Libtard" is well-deserved.
It is, just like conservatard, libertariatard, teatard, and more generally, insert-overly-simplistic-label-here-tard.
Come to think of it, none of these labels make nearly as much sense without the "tard" suffix.
Sorry for the 4th grade reference, but seriously, the T'baggers can dish it out, but they sure can't take it can they?
this game is fail !
we all know that Tea Party zombies RIDE ON HOVEROUNDS !!!
powered by Jesus
This is good news for oyster farmers everywhere, obviously, given the inevitable pearl clutching that will commence.
As long as it's not "black pearls," hahahahaha.
I can imagine Steve Douchey just getting all bent about this, nearly crying like Jim Bakker about the overarching message of violence from the (far less armed) left.
Come see the violent eliminationist rhetoric of the th' Libruls! Hypocrisy! Satanism!
Coagulated undead blood libel!
Prayer Warriors Assemble, STAT!
the rick perry zombie would shoot back.
Yeah, but since he forgot to take the price tags off his gun, he'll manage to blow his own dick off.
No loss, really.
Thank you for that. I just shared it with the Tea Bagger Racist Zombies on Yahoo.
You know what's even more fun than violent fantasies about one's opponents? Calmly telling them that you don't believe in the death penalty and that if you had your druthers Osama bin Laden would be on trial in a New York federal court where, if he was convicted, he'd be put away for life in a maximum security facility.
By the time you get past their justification for keeping Gitmo open, cover the whole reason we have fair trials, insist that the death penalty isn't a deterrent especially to someone who approves of suicide bombing, they're usually so peeved they look like they're going to rip a piece of the bar out with their bare hands and start throwing stuff. Much more fun than a video game.
Would be fun to describe how a 70 year old Osama bin Laden would look dying in an American prison.
Tried this Saturday, he just kept telling me that Gitmo and military trials were the only way to go, as the American public wouldn't be able to handle the jury duty if we gave the prisoners civilian trials.
Will it run on my Mac?
Coming soon to AMC: The Walking Stupid
This game is about beating the walking dead.
Jesus came back from the dead.
Therefore, librulz hate Jesus.
("Sweet zombie Jesus!")
"This game is about beating the walking dead."
There's no need to bring Dick Cheney into this…
Au contraire. Drag that motherfucking zombie into the light tout suite!
Outraged demands for Obama to denounce video game in 5, 4, 3 . . .
It seems so obvious, but…
"P.A.C.-Man"
Super-PAC Man
Oh, now we see the violence inherent in the system. Come see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being oppressed!
Automatic upfist for teh pythons.
Is there a watery tart in the mix?
Always with an eye out for the opportunity, eh?
Have you seen the movie?
I've seen everything Python. It's not like I have anything *useful* to do with my life, yaknow.
Yeah, we're always one socialist handout away from becoming Me Partiers. Rhymes with…oh what's the fucking use. Don't become your enemy. It's not becoming.
But its only a joke. (Did Himmler say that about the gas chambers, or was it Eichmann?)
Is there a 10 Foot Pole weapon?
I can’t say I’m a fan of any first person shooter style games. I always get a little motion sick from all that spinning around to check my corners. I also don’t think this game elevates the political discourse. That said if they changed the style to be based on the old Lemmings game I think they would have a hit.
Or Space Invaders. I could totally go for an updated Space Invaders.
This is the difference between Liberals and Conservatives?
Liberals are peaceful, but interested in fake violence.
Conservatives think peace is fake hippy crap and are interested in real violence (unless it involves themselves in combat)….
Didn't they alread make a movie about zombie Hannity?
Anyone find the secret power-up yet?
Sorry, but I don't see the humor in this. What would we think if the video game had targets such as Obama, Hilary Clinton, Gabby Giffords … ?
No need to put Abby in a game. They already shot her with a real gun.
Video game violence, my ass. Democrats nuked Japan. Twice. So, watch it you teabagging assholes.
Reprogram so as not to shoot them, but let them devour each other. Problem solved.
Why bother even thinking about their eventual demise? I have no doubt they will overreach and shit their own nest. How much harm they'll do in the interim is another question.
They should have had the zombies issuing the same old teabagger talking points. Then it would be indistinguishable from real life.
Librul: "Two wrongs don't make a right!"
Fox-watching redneck: "Brains!"
Librul: "Furthermore, I posit that we need to marginalize the more radical elements of the left once and for all, so that pointless mandarins like Obama and Kerry can continue impotently protesting with nothing ever getting done!"
Fox-watching redneck: "Brains!"
Librul: "I mean, *I* don't necessarily want communism either, and know deep in my heart that violence won't ever solve anything! The Kochs will eventually see the light from our unicorn ponies!"
Fox-watching redneck: "Brains!"
Librul: "Brains, indeed! Brains! Braaaaains!"
Oh, ttommy! I must have neglected to mention that I LIVE for teh tauntings.
Or is it teh Tauntauns? I'll get back to you on this. I got OldPeopleBrainz today.
I am waiting with bait-breath…
And I'll bet you're a master.
As of yesterday, yes.
is it just me or does the Zombie with the silver hair and the suit and the swishy stride look a lot like Marcus?
Probably meant to anger T-tards. Probably it'll succeed, too.
I dunno. While it should be somewhat clear that I'm not a fan of the right-wing establishment as it stands now, this is just plain tacky.
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