Airport psychic Janet Napolitano was listening to the planes go by from the food court, staring into her magic crystal homeland security ball, when she heard a Voice from the Future! It said, “Keep your shoes on, America.”
Air travelers will eventually be able to keep their shoes on to pass through security, but the restrictions on carrying liquids on board are likely to remain in place for some time, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano told a POLITICO Playbook breakfast Tuesday.
“We are moving towards an intelligence and risk-based approach to how we screen,” Napolitano told Mike Allen during a morning forum at the Newseum. “I think one of the first things you will see over time is the ability to keep your shoes on. One of the last things you will [see] is the reduction or limitation on liquids.”
“The solution to many if not all of these inconveniences is better and better technology,” Napolitano added.
The Homeland Security head did not detail the new technology that will be introduced that would allow passengers to keep their shoes on at airport security checkpoints.
She said research and development efforts on the shoe front are progressing, but technology to perform a quick scan that can distinguish harmless liquids from explosives isn’t there yet.
This is terrific news and we can all go back to hiding our lotions and miniature liquor bottles in our shoes now, because of Progress. [Politico]
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You can keep your shoes on if you strip naked to go through security.
Why do I have the horrible image of Gee Dubya in nothing but a pair of cowboy boots, a hat, and a shit-eating grin, approaching TSA?
And I thought I was a sick puppy.
You are, pdog. It's a requirement for Teh Wonketz.
And also, too, if I ever see Dubya in line approaching the TSA, I want my shoes to be off, if ya know what I meanz.
Oh, man, do I ever. In fact, if we're there together, I will hold your stuff while you throw, and even sacrifice my own shoes for The Cause.
You can keep your hat on.
Do you want the mustache on or off?
Too bad.
On the bright side, you get to keep your shoes on while the TSA perv "touches your junk".
Look, I don't know about you, nounverb, but for some of us, it's the only "touch" we're getting, knowhati'msain?
Screw the shoes–I'd settle for being able to keep my dignity on, and not have to virtually strip for some creep behind a computer monitor in airport "security"…
Would you like to come play "traveler and TSA creep" sometime?
You're a sick, sick man, DoktorZoom.
I don't understand why the foofaraw. I fly to Asia and Europe and I've never had such invasive bullshit enacted upon my suffering person anywhere except here. I know damn well they're probably looking at my bits in the UK or at the Singapore or Narita or Seoul airports, but they don't make me strip, and there isn't even a patdown at the Singapore airport. And yet, it's pretty damn secure.
They don't call it "security theater" for nothing.
Have you been to the Satay Club in Singapore? Al fresco dining at its best. I used to eat there at least once a week when I lived there in '94.
Hey, I used to eat at the real original Satay Club down on Empress Place, dood. With the guys fanning the satay with the big fans. Man, that peanut sauce was totally to die for. You ever go to the Cricket Club? Down in the Padang? The food there was great, too.
Singapore. I swore when I left the food would be what I missed most of all.
We ate everywhere, though the local crab places out in the boonies that you to take three buses to get to were great, as were the local food halls. But for utmost decadence the weekend buffet at the Raffles Billiard Bar was wonderful.
This is good news for Asa of Judah.
Meh, too much uric acid, methinks. Just another crony of that nasty Syrian, Ben-Hadad.
Uric acid is a good source of nitrogen. All he needs is some oxidizing agent and we have ourselves the Gout Bomber.
Makes you wonder, since he was reportedly a pretty good King. What do you reckon it was, Gout?
Don't go to far overboard on that "intelligence and risk-based approach to how we screen", Janet. As Director of Homeland Security you don't have to deal with the TSA screeners.
One will still have to remove one's colostomy bags and nephrostomy tubes, for fun.
NO LIQUIDS!
Shoeless Joe Jackson don't give a shit.
Is Shoeless Joe a honey badger, on the side?
If Shoeless Joe's a honey badger, it's most likely on his back, not on the side, six feet under.
Would you settle for "reincarnated as a honey badger"? Because, you know, honey badger don't give a shit.
What about my underwear??!? It certainly has been known to be explosive in the past.
I b'leev the TSA screeners will be happy to hand you a charcoal-filtered pair, for those "unfortunate moments." Or Depends, but they'll make you take those off after you put them on.
Fuck, my asshole is periodically explosive.
More changes based on risk assessment: Unicorns will once again be permitted on commerical airliners.
Pooping rainbows in the lavatories will still be verboten, however.
Hobos no longer will be allowed to carry cans of beans on freight trains…
Glass slippers are the only AMERICAN solution. The only drawback is that all late night flights turn into gourds and everyone dies.
That doesn't seem so bad to me.
You can keep your shoes on, but only if you agree to do a tap-dance for the TSA agents and they find it entertaining.
Translation: airport retailers haven't be able to make as much money off the shoe thing as they have with the liquid thing (premium-priced beverages, toiletries, etc).
These rules create jobs, people!
Go ahead and wear your shoes in the airport, just don't try voting you wokette scum.
I hope TSA keeps the invasive touch screening or, as I like to call it, "date night."
“We are moving towards an intelligence and risk-based approach to how we screen,” Napolitano told Mike Allen during a morning forum at the Newseum.
Is there a more repugnant term that has come out of the English language recently than Newseum? Imagineering? Baby bump? Okay, Newseum may not be at the top, but it's close. Newsoleum would be more like it — it could be the gaudy tomb to principles behind actual journalism, woefully endangered as it has been anway, commodified and decked out in hype and disappeared blondes.
And what the hell's a 'risk-based' approach to screening? Are we just gonna screen Muslims? Or people who, like the actual 9/11 hijackers, just resemble swarthy westernized Middle Easterners? Because Mohammad Atta and Co. didn't wear the garb that so terrifies Juan Williams. Or did she just mean that they'll know everything about everybody, so the screening will be pretty much based on whether you swore revenge against anybody in the past week? Because I never really mean that shit — I mean, do you know how much plotting that would take? I'd hardly have time to eat and sleep.
"Newseum" isn't too bad. "Baby bump" makes me throw-up in my mouth a little each time I hear it and I find myself hoping that whoever coined that term is burning in the lowest reaches of Hell.
Anytizer. That would be "anytime appetizer," or what you and I call "a snack" and Teatards call "pork rinds."
Risk based means "screen the Muslims and a few other random people." Or possibly "we have no idea what we're doing but we'll keep busy and hope no one realizes."
We've gotta protect our phony baloney jobs!
a more repugnant term that has come out of the English language
Haha — "staycation." In which case, to paraphrase someone upthread: Staycationers don't give a shit! not about this screening stuff. They're too broke to afford airfare for getting out of Dodge, and no doubt hurting for good shoes, also.
"Webinar" is pretty bad. It misses the entire root word that would have made it the least bit sensical.
And any brand name that uses "Ameri-" or "-merica" in it: Ameripride, Promerica, et al.
Staycation — ugh — to be superceded by the nevercation.
Sounds familiar. Ima be 60 soon and never had a proper vacation. About to remedy that, and was shocked yesterday at the price of a passport; used to be able to fly to Utah for a skiing weekend for less.
Weird — my comment above was meant to be a "reply" to your earlier one, Wookies. Good thing it stayed in sequence so readers knew wtf I was quoting.
AJW: I stood/ sat in line at the P.O. the final Saturday they were about to raise the passport renewal rates, *just* so I could know I hadn't forked over that much more $$ for the privilege of a luxury such as transnational travel that I still can't afford.
I might have, if I had known, or if I knew I'd be looking at expatriation. Never needed a passport for my extensive travels throughout Mexico and Canada before, and never had the bread to venture further abroad. Now I'm about one more lurch to the right from leaving for good, but I need to go research first. Panama and Costa Rica, here I come. Hadda tear my garage apart this morning to find my long-form birf sertifikat, damn I had little feet…
I won't be happy until you can leave your hat on.
Ah, the old soft-shoe act. Strong work, Janet.
Shit. What will I do with all my convenient TSA screening easily removable shoes?
"The Homeland Security head did not detail the new technology that will be introduced that would allow passengers to keep their shoes on at airport security checkpoints."
A small army of specially trained foot fetishists will gently lick and sniff your shoes for traces of explosives.
Well, I'm glad I won't get a foot fungus from walking barefoot through the stall where I am forced to create porn/pictures for mocking for the TSA agents. Progress!
“The solution to many if not all of these inconveniences is better and better technology,” Napolitano added.
At better and better (for the vendor) prices. Michael Chertoff approves.
As someone who travels a lot,has been felt up by the TSA on a regular basis and once had a screener find my vibrator in my carry-on, I am beyond any comments and/or snark on this.
Some girls have all the luck!
Somehow, nothing Janet has ever done or said has ever made me feel more secure, on the ground or in the air. This latest offering is no exception.
Out in Katong, or in Ponggol? Singaporeans, you know, they'll drive a million miles for good food.
Did you ever go to the vegetarian places in Little India? Sri Krishna Vilas, and the like? The old guys never write down your order, and they never make a mistake, either. Fabulous.
I think 1994 was before they turned the old Convent of the Holy Infant Jezus into a huge mall with fabulous food (what else). If you ever go back, you have to go to the dim sum restaurant there. You have *never* tasted anything like it.
My memory is fading, but there was a crab place called something like "Crab Charlie's" back in about 1980, where you sat outside and dropped the shells on the ground. I couldn't find it again when I was back there in the 90's. This was back before Singa was completely cleaned up — Bugis Street was still a bit of an adventure.
We weren't big on Indian, we went for as much seafood as possible, haven't been back there since, but I am going back to Japan for the 45th time in two weeks. First stop is Daiwa at the Tsukiji fish market for some completely outrageous sushi for breakfast.
Sushi for breakfast sounds too wonderful. Enjoy! Lift a sake for me.
Will do.
I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's. His hair was perfect.
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