Some teabagger Republicans in the Texas legislature noticed on Newsmax or whatever that Texas is currently on fire, the whole state. And then they heard something about firefighters apparently trying to fight these catastrophic fires, which is communistic, so the Texas Forest Service will have its current low budget slashed by another third — $34 million — to teach everybody a lesson about “relying on socialist fire departments when JESUS wants your shitty tract house to burn down.”
Reuters reports on this latest example of an entire country literally committing suicide:
Texas lawmakers are set to slash funding for the agency responsible for fighting wildfires in the midst of a historic wildfire season in which some 2.5 million acres have burned.
The Texas Forest Service faces almost $34 million in budget cuts over the next two years, roughly a third of the agency’s total budget. The cuts are in both the House and Senate versions of the proposed state budget.
In last week’s New Yorker, there’s a depressing story about the teabaggers in the Southern California suburb of Costa Mesa deliberately destroying the town to make a political point about fiscal austerity. The reporter describes it as “managed decline,” and notes that it’s the dominant theme in American governance today. Managed decline. So what’s the term for intentionally burning down your entire fucking state? [Reuters via Wonkette Operative "chascates"]
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Super-sized conflagration? Let it burn bitch? I'm too fucking stoopid to turn on the water? I think all of these might work.
On the upside….
Nope. There's no way to finish that sentence.
On the upside…didn't Glenn Beck move to Texas recently?
That's the only one I could find.
I'm not saying that Glenn Beck caused the wildfires, but isn't it an interesting coincidence?
You sound suspiciously like Michele Bachmann right now.
Post hoc ergo propter hoc. It's been an airtight argument for 2500 years!
Needz moar chalkboards.
On the upside…. Texas is burning down! Good riddance! Isn't that enough?
Roy Orbison
On the upside, there is much less of Texas to protect with the reduced resources available. Because it's already burned down.
Atta boy Ricky!
Looks like God is messing with Texas.
But the Texas legislature is completely fucking it over.
Guess this is also part of the Texas Miracle.
As in: It's a miracle there still is a Texas?
The miracle will be that Texas will still be burning up until the 2012 election. At least the country will have a nice sandalwood-y scent.
People in Oklahoma can leave their brisket and pork shoulder out on the front porch overnight. Instant barbecue!
More like the Texas Plagues. Are we nearly on the frogs, yet?
I wonder what Parry will say about this in the GOP stupidfest tonight?
The term is denominator management.
Huh, it used to be called being 'fucking incompetent' or 'unqualified.' I'll be damned if conservatives don't know how to elect officials to PROVE government is broken.
And to think that a year ago we thought this was as bad as it could get:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/10/04/firefigh…
My deepest sympathy to nonteabagger-Texans. Y'all are so seriously fucked now.
We were diverted from the largest fire on Sunday afternoon while driving from Austin to Houston. It had been burning only a few hours, but already looked like the end of the world. Thank jeebus Perry had that prayathon to get us some rain…. oh, wait….
I wish there was something I could do to help. Other than wishing DinglePerry a sprained penis, that is. Because I do that, you know, every day.
Don't mess with Texas…when it's burning, let it fucking burn. Dear wonkeratti-type Texans, you may wish to evacuate, um, permanently.
If people want their fires put out they should buy their own fire insurance and hire their own fire company to put it out.
NO MOAR SOCHULIZM!!!
"So what’s the term for intentionally burning down your entire fucking state?"
Flaming TruckNutz?
Great Balls of Fire?
Republican governance?
Texacide
Jesus Christ. After they burn their damn state down they'll migrate to other states. BUILD the Dang Fence!
Hey man I just wanna smoke weed and listen to indie rock.
At this point I have the feeling that if Molly Ivins were still around, she'd set herself on fire.
She would burn for days, you know…….days.
The magic of the free market will surely take care of those wildfires.
Especially now that they've cut off that Interfering Hand of Gubmint Soshulism.
Hopefully the invisible hand is wearing an asbestos glove
It's a latex surgical glove. And it's aiming for TexASS.
You guys are missing the big picture here.
Think "invisible fist".
(No latex, no lube … but the asbestos glove idea is intriguing.)
Each individual homeowner will now be responsible for hiring their own team of Private Contractor / Fire Protection team. When the market slows down in the winter, Blackwater will probably send out teams to light various suburbs on fire. Thus the market has decided, and So Shall It Be.
Homeowners will have to bid for firefighting services on an open exchange, Goldman Sachs will package fire services market futures into marketable securities, and then they'll bet against the insurance policies on the houses before cornering the market and causing all firefighting equipment to be sent to North Dakota.
This is not your father's unregulated free market. (It's your great-grandfather's.)
And you've been around long enough to know.
I shudder at the thought of Goldman Sachs' executives' Final Meeting with you, Biely.
There will always be another meeting scheduled, and always on their golf day. (A highly specialized form of torment … I'm expecting wonderful results.)
Not enough water for a cholera epidemic, so wildfires will have to do.
Anyone caught seeking FEMA aid will be disfellowshipped from the lord and shunned by their fellow Texans.
you left out being dragged from the axle of a truck. A perennial Texan favorite.
Only if you pass the brown paper bag test. Otherwise it is considered too degrading.
You leave mah colour outa this!
Too late. 50 counties are already slurping up FEMA money under a presidential disaster declaration issued in July and expanding weekly. On top of the 22 firefighting grants they got before Perry publicly whined FEMA wasn't helping at all.
So what’s the term for intentionally burning down your entire fucking state?
R-son.
Sweet!
I can't believe that even Texans are this stupid and self-destructive.
Your move Arizona.
Arizona to cut off oxygen supply in 3…2…1…
Well, that would stop the fires. There's that.
Az will have to wait till November. I visit the wingnut family in October and am already praying for my safety.
So, where's the wingnut fambly located, if not in AZ? Are wingnuts infesting ALL the 50 states now?
They just did it. They're charging people munniez to visit their jailed next of kin, now. That will help.
Well good on them! Any resources spent on the public good is evil socialism.
The state, the state, the state is on fire;
We don't need no water, let that motherfucker burn.
Sure they are cutting the fire fighting budget. But they are also issuing each remaining firefighter a handgun so they can shoot the fires out.
I thought Perry was saving that heroic gesture for himself. With a glock in each hand.
Texas A&M is not responsible and couldn't give two shits since they are going to the SEC next year.
And Baylor beat TCU the other day. Go figure.
Glad to see God giving Texas more tsores.
Irony in Texas is apparently dead, after having suffered third degree burns over 99% of its body.
But when Rick Perry was standing in the Bastrop Community Center telling the fine folks how Texans need to help their neighbors, the next words out of his mouth was the FEMA and US Forest Service resources were being deployed from around the nation.
Hypocritical shit stain.
And the Bastrop Complex fire has now grown to 30,000 acres and destroyed 600 homes. Good fucking job Gubnor Goodhair.
Eh, it's only Austin. Not enough teatards/Xtards to make it important to Perry.
"So what’s the term for intentionally burning down your entire fucking state?"
Sociopathy? As opposed to Socialism, of course.
You know who else slashed funding for important emergency management programs?
Nero?
Me, in Sim City? That Bowser attack then really caused a lot of damage.
Gee, Dumb? Yeah, Bush!
No?
Alrighty, then. I'm just going with "Hitler."
Bohner or Cantor? I can't make up my mind who's in charge.
The National Basketball Association?
All of them, Katie. (Republicans, that is)
Perry said the oil spill may be 'act of God". http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0510/36691.h…
Earthquakes and hurricanes are acts of God, according to Beck and Bachmann.
Fires are also acts of God.
God Bless America!!
Given that we've had repeated earthquakes, hurricanes, and fires, lately, I'm thinkin' Rev. Jeremiah had it Wright, after all. God does not bless America. God DAMNS America!
Geez. Srsly, those wildfires in Tx are really really bad. We took about a decade to recover after a big one burned out our area.
The oil spill was an act of his god, at least…
Beel Z. Bub?
I keep tellin' ya, it's not my department. The Four Horsemen report directly to God.
Of course, if He wants to acknowledge my creative input, who am I to complain?
I just want to know if you had anything to do with the oil spill. Anything at all.
I thought fire was invented during the Middle Ages, for the Inquision. One of the voices in my head told me that.
That Gawd they were prayin' and nacho-fartin' to up in that stadium last month, is kinda silent on answerin the prayer part, but sure has a hell of a sick sense of humor with the fart comebacks.
God can be a real prick.
Wild fires are sort of like an un-regulated free market, attempts to reign them in might have unintended consequences.
The stupid, it burns.
…literally
Burn, baby, burn.
Shorter Texas: Fighting fires = tampering with God's will.
At this rate, God's will appears to be to leave us with no more Texas.
I may have to re-think this atheism thing.
Texas: America's burning sensation.
that would make a dandy slogan for the tourism board
More specifically, the burning sensation in America's crotch.
Or rectum.
Perhaps the Texas Legislature would restore that funding if the TFS adopted more of a "Montag" style attitude towards the usefulness of fire.
Let the libraries burn? Damned things are full of science and facts and other sneaky liberal propaganda, so why not? They can use state firefighting funds to save the churches instead.
Well, this gets them a form of that secession they're always gassing on about. Granted, it's the form of complete destruction, but are they going to start quibbling with their wrathful god now?
And once Rick Perry is elected President, the whole country will burn….
Let's you and me and all of us just make sure that doesn't happen, O-TAY?
I voted against him for Governor, I will be proud to vote against him for President.
Many upfists to you for nobly working to avert DinglePerry!
I voted against him for Ag Commissioner. Just sayin'.
Who, oh who, will play Gulliver to Texas' Lilliput?
Seriously, it's like the teabaggers look at someone like Pol Pot and scream, "Hey, we can destroy an entire country because of a barely coherent ideology too!"
Haha, where is your "gov't budget is just like a household budget" analogy now? A family can't just cut some of its personnel.
This is the equivalent of seeing a fire tear through your family kitchen, and thinking the best course of action is to throw out the extinguishers, shut off the water, and bolt all the doors shut. AUSTERITY, PEOPLE!
I'm sorry, Jimmy; we're going to have to let you go. We don't actually NEED any more drawings to put up on the refrigerator.
Thanks, I just wet myself. lol
The same lawmakers later hypothesized that if NYC had simply stopped funding firefighters altogether, 9/11 would never have happened.
I was away from news/newspapers/internet for 5 days(yes, they existed around me but I did not look at/use them) Then today I saw a newspaper that said Perry is the leading candidate- also that two of Bachmann's staff quit. Now the media is crap so maybe it is just the usual not news but how fucking stupid are Republicans to support Rick Perry? Seriously, How fucking stupid??????
You need to ask? Haven't you been paying attention?
I was away from news/newspapers/internet for 5 days
Were you happy for a while, if not 'finally'?
Pretty goddamned fucking cunting stupid.
(Larry David voice:) Prrreeettty, pprrreeettty stupid.
Umm, pretty fucking stupid?
Or is the answer Hilter?
I'm sure those firefighters are well consoled with their plugs of tax-reduced chewin' tobacky to take the edge off of this slight.
Here's where my heart will fibrillate: when one of the more moderate cocksuckers in this debate acts on behalf of their desperately needed "people points," and calls out Rick Perry LIVE ON TV for watching Texas burn.
…and then turns right around and says "Obamacare is bad."
The taste of stupidity is sweet.
When minds like Texans meet.
They fell for Rick Perry just like a child.
And, boy, the fire went wild.
They fell into a burning ring of fire.
The IQ points went down as the flames grew higher.
And it burns, burns, burns,
The ring of dumbass.
The ring of dumbass.
Sounds like little Ricky has a Nero complex.
This is why we can't have nice things.
"So what’s the term for intentionally burning down your entire fucking state?"
Asshattery, douchbaggery or santoruming. Still, I think this is just an awful thing to do to Sarah.
Republicanism.
With Texas out of the picture, Obama might have a chance next year after all…
No snark here. 1000 families have lost their homes so far and all these assholes want to do is keep their wingunt base happy.
Their ever declining wingnut base…
On a positive note, when Texan Teabaggers lose everything to wildfires, at least they will be left with their ideological purity.
Experts predict only mild cannibalism.
Is Texas fatty or gamey?
As a great Wonketteer once said, the fucking freud schadens itself.
Still a great, great comment.
The majority won't remember this on election day, when they re-elect the same clueless idiots because they scream "Jesus!" and "Tax cuts!" the loudest.
It seems Perry's fiddle lessons are going well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luE3R1WL1IU
I though this was the kind of fiddling Rethug politicians are into.
Where is Charlie Daniels when you really need him? The man was taught by Satan, himself, the world's preeminent violinist.
As long as there aren't any consequences for bad government, why not keep electing short-sighted idiots?
A: You know how to make God laugh?
B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell him your plans.
A: Wrong. Tell him Rick Perry's plans.
Free iphone for anyone with an unaltered photo of a Texas mansion burning in a brushfire with a half-burnt Perry 2012 sign in the front yard.
The mansions won't burn, it will be the shacks and double-wides of the poor tea baggers that will burn.
Yep, the Koch army of unemployed and minimum wage workers voting against their own interests.
Oh no they can burn alright. Growing up in LA the fires burn straight to the ocean. The rich can rebuild though.
"Texas Forest Service? But Texas has no forests!"
"Not anymore, son. "
Needz Moar Prayurz
Lone Star 451
Fredericksburg 451
You welfare statists just don't accept the commonly known fact that the more money you spend on something, the more you have of it. Texas has obviously been spending way too much money on fire fighting, and that's why they have so many fires. Just you naysayers wait and see. This is the best fire fighting strategy EVAR.
I should be a fucking teapartier, with reasoning skills like this!!!
Flawless teabaggist thinking but what does Ron Paul say?
Let the free market decide!
Now look, Texans, I know that you didn't start the fire, and it was always burning since the world's been turning; but even though you didn't start the fire, you didn't light it, you should try to fight it. Or else when you are gone it will still burn on and on and on and on…
This makes perfect sense. With a third of Texas's forests burned up, you cut the budget of the Forest Service by a third. In fact, the more the fires burn, the more you can cut.
Texas is going up in flames, and we're passing the savings on to you! (Where by "you" we mean "millionaires," of course.)
Geez – it's so simple! Thanks! Obviously should work the same with the poors and sicks…
But the rich don't have to pay anymore in taxes, right? So who cares.
i got nothing. this is a perfect example of the baggers destroying this country in the name of things they really don't understand.
i am just very sad.
Bonfire of the Inanities
You have any fires out your way? We're still pretty safe but those Leander/Crystal Falls fires are a mite close…
All good at the Taylor farm! Could smell the Bastrop fire this morning but with the wind gone couldn't see it. Nice cooler weather though! (highs only in the lower 90s, lows in the upper 50s!!!!!)
Yes, the cooler weather is fantastic. It goes well with the smell of napalm … er I mean ashes of people's lives…in the air.
Bonfire of the Hannities.
Big prayer thingie didn't work out so hot, did it?
Lou Engle via RightwingWatch.org:
I heard that actually the day that Governor Perry announced that he’s running for president, and this is not an endorsement I’m giving here, it simply it rained I believe he said for five hours, it poured. And people think that that could’ve been a sign, I don’t know.
Someone said it rained somewhere for a few hours? Must be a sign!
You know what's not a sign? The drought worsens, a hurricane gives no rain, but instead blows dry wind stoking an out of control fire within sight of Austin, and zombie Molly Ivins rises from her grave looking for brains in the state capitol but finding none.
Nope, God's message is clear. Run Perry Run!
From My Mighty Wrath!
Lou must have been watching the weather report on Fox, because only on that channel would anyone say it's rained a drop here–much less poured for 5 hours.
Curiously, the Austin paper has this hede:
Perry Expresses Frustration with Federal Fire Support
but the link leads to 'not found', kind of like "Perry's help for Texas Forest Service" is 'not found'.
http://www.statesman.com/blogs/content/shared-gen…
Where was that Al Jazeera guy when the fire started, huh? Took his revenge from the thumpin' he got at that high school!
I suppose I should feel badly for Texas. Counting 1, 2, 3…. Okay, now that's over with, now's as good a time as any for you liberal/sentient Texans to haul ass out of that hell hole.
Everything Is Bigger In Texas… Including Self-Immolation!
Also:
Texas Cut Volunteer Fire Department Funding by 75% This Year
http://videocafe.crooksandliars.com/david/texas-c…
"At a press conference Monday, Perry promised to seek federal disaster relief and said that FEMA would be in the state by Wednesday.
While the Texas governor has been highly critical of FEMA in the past, he told CBS' Erica Hill Tuesday that now was not the time to worry about reforming the agency."
There will be plenty of time after using up resources from FEMA.
FEMA the agency you don't need until you need it.
No, of course not. All that reforminin' shouldn't happen until all on US is safe from the fire. And fuck you, everybody else, as soon as we gitz ours.
Jeefuckingeebus. The wonderful part is that the teabaggers will simply ignore this example of self-interested hypocrisy.
Shoot the fires, dammit. If that fails, shoot a Mexican or a liberal. The main thing is to be pro-active in dealing with this Obama-caused problem.
Just Burn Baby,Burn!
No worries, they'll just pray for rain again.
I live here. This makes perfect sense (if you are a Repulican). Argh.
It's all part of the GOP plan. Instead of building a border fence, they're gonna smoke the Messicans out.
At this rate, Mexicans will soon have no reason to cross the border.
And thus god messed with Texas.
I love Texas. They live by Murphy's Law. What can go wrong will do so…if not, we make it so. As long as the State stays in a constant State of Fuck.
I was laughing at the use of "Fuck", only to realize you didn't include the "-ed" at the end. That makes your little joke a bit more tantalizing… and variable. As if you either forgot the aforementioned suffix or the "cluster-".
Administered combustion.
Ha ha. It's all fun and games until you're digging up your family's birf certificates (long forms, natch), looking up your home owners insurance policy & strapping your dog onto the roof of your car. Glad Governor Prick Perry could quit campaigning for president for 10 minutes — needs more prayer.
So if your home gets burned with all your possessions, you can never vote again. Sounds fair to me.
Well, you're unlikey to vote Republican … so yeah, it all works out.
The unchecked wildfires, destroying everything in their path, are the answer to the prayers of Rick Perry and his band of religious hooligans.
Not the answer they wanted but that happens sometimes.
One of my not-too-offensively religious in-laws has a sign in the john that says, roughly,
"God answers all prayers.
Sometimes He says yes,
Sometimes he says no,
and sometimes He says
"You've got to be kidding".
Evidently, there's one missing:
"Sometimes He says, 'Fuck you, Rick Perry".
I pulled the relevant definitions from a dictionary:
man·age (mnj): v.tr. To exert control over
de·cline (d-kln) n.
1. The process or result of declining, especially a gradual deterioration.
[...]
3. The period when something approaches an end.
4. A downward slope; a declivity.
5. A disease that gradually weakens or wastes the body.
tl;dr, Teabaggers want to manage America into a decline.
Market Based Conflageration
Well, these hater oldz don't care, they don't recognize Merka today, so screw everyone.
And the absolute worst part of this is that while the Republicans are literally advocating slashing into uselessness something that will prevent needless loss of life and property, the Democrats will be too scared of being called mean to clearly point out how exceptionally retarded this proposal is.
We destroyed Costa Mesa to save it.
AusterityRotisserie MeasuresSteiner Ranch, a 4,600-acre exurb with high walls and strong defenses to fend off the poors and the socialists, located north of Austin, was evacuated over the weekend.
That's the entire neighborhood, okay? That's 4,000 frickin' McMansions, some valued at $3 million in 2007 dollars (that's about $4.95 today). 20 homes were destroyed; about 30 were damaged.
Ricky-boy paid a visit and I'm sure he blamed it all on Obama.
Hey, when rich Republicans' homes burn, that's when it becomes a disaster.
Look, it's already burned. It can't burn again, right? No need for them fancy fire fight'n people when there are rich people that need tax cuts and campaign donors that need State contracts.
"Managed decline. So what’s the term for intentionally burning down your entire fucking state?"
well, duh …" MANAGED COLLAPSE">
I keep picturing an old couple watching their house burn down while the old man shakes his veiny fist and yells, "That'll teach the soshulists," while Ma is screaming, "I told you to get my Hoveround and my teeth, goddam you."
Your imagination. It is full of the win.
I thought the every two year legislative circle jerk in Texas was over.
This situation is projected to become far worse for decades to come (Texas now = the entire inland southern US in ten years) … but climate change is baloney because Al Gore flies in a jet & has a big house!
"So what’s the term for intentionally burning down your entire fucking state?"
Psychosis – although our judges would've also accepted "conservatism" as an answer.
As a sidelight, the New Yorker link leads to what I would call an extended abstract — lots of sentences talking about what the actual article will talk about, but without saying anything. This leads me to two observations:
1. If the New Yorker is somehow expecting me to pay to have access to the actual content, they should make the mechanism visible. I have no idea how one is supposed to get at the meat of the article. Of course, I wouldn't pay for it anyhow (it's the fucking New Yorker), but somebody else might.
2. Despite quite a few fond memories of Costa Mesa and environs from forty years ago, today it it is just another sub-cellular malignancy in the over-arching political tumor that is the OC. If they want to legislate themselves back to barbarism, fuck 'em.
well, at least my prayers got answered.
Managed decline sound a helluva lot like benign neglect. I'm from a city that's been dealing with a managed decline for about six decades, now. Hell, the mayor is formally reverting entire swaths of the city back to nature. It's not like he has much of a choice since nature has been taking over regardless.
Where da money at? How'd it get dere?
Flint?
Down the road; Detroit.
Self-sufficient, rugged individualists say what?
Surely, these fires are God's punishment of Houstonians for electing a lesbian to run the place. Surely.
Dont mess with Texas, we got Perry messing it up already.
I love the smell of Texas in the morning; it smells like……..Stupid!
Totally understand. *Says a chick who most recently (of many adulthood moves from one pretty cheap place to another) moved from Cleveland to DC… a spacious home to a 1/3 the size apartment was a drastic change. Then again, so was not hating my life.* But, we must each do what is best for us and there are many factors in that equation, indeed. May your roof be damp and your air conditioning strong!
You can move to Indiana. Real estate is reasonable and we have rain.
Exactly.
As a former Texan, I resemble that remark.
Made damn sure that
Pilate washed his handsTony took a vacation on his yacht.A bit light on the fire & brimstone, I know, but I thought it was a nice touch.
I thought "fire and brimstone" was how the oil was made to begin with.
Pleased to meet you too, Biely.
Yeah, but it's still Indiana.
You're very … creative.
Have I told you that I've been *very* good lately?
Not my department — tell it to Santa.
Does this mean I'm gonna end up in your department, disirregardless, mein kind?
Entirely up to you … there's a simple rule, that starts "Do unto others…"
I'm a busy guy nonetheless, because simple rules lead to complex behavior. You can look it up .
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