UNMANAGED DECLINE  3:37 pm September 6, 2011

Texas Lawmakers Notice Wildfires, Slash Funding To Firefighters

by Ken Layne

'You do it to yourself, you do. And that's what really hurts. Is that you do it to yourself. Just you and no one else ....'Some teabagger Republicans in the Texas legislature noticed on Newsmax or whatever that Texas is currently on fire, the whole state. And then they heard something about firefighters apparently trying to fight these catastrophic fires, which is communistic, so the Texas Forest Service will have its current low budget slashed by another third — $34 million — to teach everybody a lesson about “relying on socialist fire departments when JESUS wants your shitty tract house to burn down.”

Reuters reports on this latest example of an entire country literally committing suicide:

Texas lawmakers are set to slash funding for the agency responsible for fighting wildfires in the midst of a historic wildfire season in which some 2.5 million acres have burned.

The Texas Forest Service faces almost $34 million in budget cuts over the next two years, roughly a third of the agency’s total budget. The cuts are in both the House and Senate versions of the proposed state budget.

In last week’s New Yorker, there’s a depressing story about the teabaggers in the Southern California suburb of Costa Mesa deliberately destroying the town to make a political point about fiscal austerity. The reporter describes it as “managed decline,” and notes that it’s the dominant theme in American governance today. Managed decline. So what’s the term for intentionally burning down your entire fucking state? [Reuters via Wonkette Operative "chascates"]

 

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{ 221 comments }

hagajim September 6, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Super-sized conflagration? Let it burn bitch? I'm too fucking stoopid to turn on the water? I think all of these might work.

Grief_Lessons September 6, 2011 at 3:39 pm

On the upside….

Nope. There's no way to finish that sentence.

Chillwaver September 6, 2011 at 4:11 pm

On the upside…didn't Glenn Beck move to Texas recently?

That's the only one I could find.

Fare la Volpe September 6, 2011 at 4:15 pm

I'm not saying that Glenn Beck caused the wildfires, but isn't it an interesting coincidence?

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 4:17 pm

You sound suspiciously like Michele Bachmann right now.

Grief_Lessons September 6, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Post hoc ergo propter hoc. It's been an airtight argument for 2500 years!

Dexter Linwood September 7, 2011 at 3:32 am

Needz moar chalkboards.

Banelm September 6, 2011 at 4:34 pm

On the upside…. Texas is burning down! Good riddance! Isn't that enough?

iburl September 6, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Roy Orbison

the_problem_child September 6, 2011 at 5:56 pm

On the upside, there is much less of Texas to protect with the reduced resources available. Because it's already burned down.

DaRooster September 6, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Atta boy Ricky!

Sue4466 September 6, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Looks like God is messing with Texas.

But the Texas legislature is completely fucking it over.

Sue4466 September 6, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Guess this is also part of the Texas Miracle.

comrad_darkness September 6, 2011 at 3:49 pm

As in: It's a miracle there still is a Texas?

Ayn Rand Paul Tard September 6, 2011 at 3:53 pm

The miracle will be that Texas will still be burning up until the 2012 election. At least the country will have a nice sandalwood-y scent.

GunToting[Redacted] September 6, 2011 at 5:32 pm

People in Oklahoma can leave their brisket and pork shoulder out on the front porch overnight. Instant barbecue!

Dexter Linwood September 7, 2011 at 3:33 am

More like the Texas Plagues. Are we nearly on the frogs, yet?

Oblios_Cap September 7, 2011 at 8:20 am

I wonder what Parry will say about this in the GOP stupidfest tonight?

Slim_Pickins September 6, 2011 at 3:42 pm

The term is denominator management.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard September 6, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Huh, it used to be called being 'fucking incompetent' or 'unqualified.' I'll be damned if conservatives don't know how to elect officials to PROVE government is broken.

Lucidamente1 September 6, 2011 at 3:42 pm

And to think that a year ago we thought this was as bad as it could get:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/10/04/firefigh

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 3:42 pm

My deepest sympathy to nonteabagger-Texans. Y'all are so seriously fucked now.

Boredw/Gravitas September 6, 2011 at 3:54 pm

We were diverted from the largest fire on Sunday afternoon while driving from Austin to Houston. It had been burning only a few hours, but already looked like the end of the world. Thank jeebus Perry had that prayathon to get us some rain…. oh, wait….

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 4:07 pm

I wish there was something I could do to help. Other than wishing DinglePerry a sprained penis, that is. Because I do that, you know, every day.

MissusBarry September 6, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Don't mess with Texas…when it's burning, let it fucking burn. Dear wonkeratti-type Texans, you may wish to evacuate, um, permanently.

Trannysurprise September 6, 2011 at 3:43 pm

If people want their fires put out they should buy their own fire insurance and hire their own fire company to put it out.

NO MOAR SOCHULIZM!!!

Eve8Apples September 6, 2011 at 3:43 pm

"So what’s the term for intentionally burning down your entire fucking state?"

Flaming TruckNutz?
Great Balls of Fire?

not that Dewey September 6, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Republican governance?

gurukalehuru September 6, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Texacide

WinterOuthouse September 6, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Jesus Christ. After they burn their damn state down they'll migrate to other states. BUILD the Dang Fence!

Billmatic September 6, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Hey man I just wanna smoke weed and listen to indie rock.

Lucidamente1 September 6, 2011 at 3:45 pm

At this point I have the feeling that if Molly Ivins were still around, she'd set herself on fire.

ttommyunger September 7, 2011 at 1:11 pm

She would burn for days, you know…….days.

GuanoFaucet September 6, 2011 at 3:46 pm

The magic of the free market will surely take care of those wildfires.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Especially now that they've cut off that Interfering Hand of Gubmint Soshulism.

mookwrthwilson September 6, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Hopefully the invisible hand is wearing an asbestos glove

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 4:33 pm

It's a latex surgical glove. And it's aiming for TexASS.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 6, 2011 at 7:58 pm

You guys are missing the big picture here.
Think "invisible fist".

(No latex, no lube … but the asbestos glove idea is intriguing.)

Banelm September 6, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Each individual homeowner will now be responsible for hiring their own team of Private Contractor / Fire Protection team. When the market slows down in the winter, Blackwater will probably send out teams to light various suburbs on fire. Thus the market has decided, and So Shall It Be.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 6, 2011 at 8:09 pm

Homeowners will have to bid for firefighting services on an open exchange, Goldman Sachs will package fire services market futures into marketable securities, and then they'll bet against the insurance policies on the houses before cornering the market and causing all firefighting equipment to be sent to North Dakota.

This is not your father's unregulated free market. (It's your great-grandfather's.)

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 11:27 pm

And you've been around long enough to know.

I shudder at the thought of Goldman Sachs' executives' Final Meeting with you, Biely.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 7, 2011 at 3:09 pm

There will always be another meeting scheduled, and always on their golf day. (A highly specialized form of torment … I'm expecting wonderful results.)

Steverino247 September 6, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Not enough water for a cholera epidemic, so wildfires will have to do.

WhatTheHeck September 6, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Anyone caught seeking FEMA aid will be disfellowshipped from the lord and shunned by their fellow Texans.

MLHencken September 6, 2011 at 3:50 pm

you left out being dragged from the axle of a truck. A perennial Texan favorite.

BerkeleyBear September 6, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Only if you pass the brown paper bag test. Otherwise it is considered too degrading.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 4:34 pm

You leave mah colour outa this!

BerkeleyBear September 6, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Too late. 50 counties are already slurping up FEMA money under a presidential disaster declaration issued in July and expanding weekly. On top of the 22 firefighting grants they got before Perry publicly whined FEMA wasn't helping at all.

KeepFnThatChicken September 6, 2011 at 3:46 pm

So what’s the term for intentionally burning down your entire fucking state?

R-son.

Oblios_Cap September 7, 2011 at 8:21 am

Sweet!

phlox✔ September 6, 2011 at 3:46 pm

I can't believe that even Texans are this stupid and self-destructive.

Your move Arizona.

Fare la Volpe September 6, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Arizona to cut off oxygen supply in 3…2…1…

Geminisunmars September 6, 2011 at 6:23 pm

Well, that would stop the fires. There's that.

Devilette September 6, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Az will have to wait till November. I visit the wingnut family in October and am already praying for my safety.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 8:32 pm

So, where's the wingnut fambly located, if not in AZ? Are wingnuts infesting ALL the 50 states now?

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 8:31 pm

They just did it. They're charging people munniez to visit their jailed next of kin, now. That will help.

comrad_darkness September 6, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Well good on them! Any resources spent on the public good is evil socialism.

SorosBot September 6, 2011 at 3:48 pm

The state, the state, the state is on fire;
We don't need no water, let that motherfucker burn.

Pragmatist2 September 6, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Sure they are cutting the fire fighting budget. But they are also issuing each remaining firefighter a handgun so they can shoot the fires out.

DustBowlBlues September 6, 2011 at 4:33 pm

I thought Perry was saving that heroic gesture for himself. With a glock in each hand.

DerrickWildcat September 6, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Texas A&M is not responsible and couldn't give two shits since they are going to the SEC next year.

unclejeems September 6, 2011 at 7:59 pm

And Baylor beat TCU the other day. Go figure.

nounverb911 September 6, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Glad to see God giving Texas more tsores.

elviouslyqueer September 6, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Irony in Texas is apparently dead, after having suffered third degree burns over 99% of its body.

fartknocker September 6, 2011 at 3:50 pm

But when Rick Perry was standing in the Bastrop Community Center telling the fine folks how Texans need to help their neighbors, the next words out of his mouth was the FEMA and US Forest Service resources were being deployed from around the nation.

Hypocritical shit stain.

And the Bastrop Complex fire has now grown to 30,000 acres and destroyed 600 homes. Good fucking job Gubnor Goodhair.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 6, 2011 at 10:04 pm

Eh, it's only Austin. Not enough teatards/Xtards to make it important to Perry.

Ruhe September 6, 2011 at 3:51 pm

"So what’s the term for intentionally burning down your entire fucking state?"

Sociopathy? As opposed to Socialism, of course.

MLHencken September 6, 2011 at 3:51 pm

You know who else slashed funding for important emergency management programs?

LowProfileinGA September 6, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Nero?

SorosBot September 6, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Me, in Sim City? That Bowser attack then really caused a lot of damage.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Gee, Dumb? Yeah, Bush!

No?

Alrighty, then. I'm just going with "Hitler."

RedneckMuslin September 6, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Bohner or Cantor? I can't make up my mind who's in charge.

PuckStopsHere September 6, 2011 at 4:13 pm

The National Basketball Association?

HelmutNewton September 6, 2011 at 5:03 pm

All of them, Katie. (Republicans, that is)

BTWBFDIMHO September 6, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Perry said the oil spill may be 'act of God". http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0510/36691.h

Earthquakes and hurricanes are acts of God, according to Beck and Bachmann.
Fires are also acts of God.
God Bless America!!

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Given that we've had repeated earthquakes, hurricanes, and fires, lately, I'm thinkin' Rev. Jeremiah had it Wright, after all. God does not bless America. God DAMNS America!

Geez. Srsly, those wildfires in Tx are really really bad. We took about a decade to recover after a big one burned out our area.

Guppy06 September 6, 2011 at 4:31 pm

The oil spill was an act of his god, at least…

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Beel Z. Bub?

Biel_ze_Bubba September 6, 2011 at 8:18 pm

I keep tellin' ya, it's not my department. The Four Horsemen report directly to God.
Of course, if He wants to acknowledge my creative input, who am I to complain?

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 8:33 pm

I just want to know if you had anything to do with the oil spill. Anything at all.

sunmusing September 6, 2011 at 4:42 pm

I thought fire was invented during the Middle Ages, for the Inquision. One of the voices in my head told me that.

Mumbletypeg September 6, 2011 at 3:52 pm

That Gawd they were prayin' and nacho-fartin' to up in that stadium last month, is kinda silent on answerin the prayer part, but sure has a hell of a sick sense of humor with the fart comebacks.

FNMA September 6, 2011 at 3:58 pm

God can be a real prick.

Goonemeritus September 6, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Wild fires are sort of like an un-regulated free market, attempts to reign them in might have unintended consequences.

GuanoFaucet September 6, 2011 at 3:52 pm

The stupid, it burns.

nonbeliever7 September 6, 2011 at 5:24 pm

…literally

unclejeems September 6, 2011 at 8:02 pm

Burn, baby, burn.

edgydrifter September 6, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Shorter Texas: Fighting fires = tampering with God's will.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 4:13 pm

At this rate, God's will appears to be to leave us with no more Texas.

LesBontemps September 6, 2011 at 6:03 pm

I may have to re-think this atheism thing.

SexySmurf September 6, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Texas: America's burning sensation.

crybabyboehner September 6, 2011 at 5:02 pm

that would make a dandy slogan for the tourism board

LesBontemps September 6, 2011 at 6:04 pm

More specifically, the burning sensation in America's crotch.

SpurningBeer September 6, 2011 at 8:36 pm

Or rectum.

Ruhe September 6, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Perhaps the Texas Legislature would restore that funding if the TFS adopted more of a "Montag" style attitude towards the usefulness of fire.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 6, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Let the libraries burn? Damned things are full of science and facts and other sneaky liberal propaganda, so why not? They can use state firefighting funds to save the churches instead.

GhostBuggy September 6, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Well, this gets them a form of that secession they're always gassing on about. Granted, it's the form of complete destruction, but are they going to start quibbling with their wrathful god now?

johnnymeatworth September 6, 2011 at 3:55 pm

And once Rick Perry is elected President, the whole country will burn….

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Let's you and me and all of us just make sure that doesn't happen, O-TAY?

johnnymeatworth September 6, 2011 at 4:17 pm

I voted against him for Governor, I will be proud to vote against him for President.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Many upfists to you for nobly working to avert DinglePerry!

unclejeems September 6, 2011 at 8:04 pm

I voted against him for Ag Commissioner. Just sayin'.

Grief_Lessons September 6, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Who, oh who, will play Gulliver to Texas' Lilliput?

poorgradstudent September 6, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Seriously, it's like the teabaggers look at someone like Pol Pot and scream, "Hey, we can destroy an entire country because of a barely coherent ideology too!"

SmutBoffin September 6, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Haha, where is your "gov't budget is just like a household budget" analogy now? A family can't just cut some of its personnel.

Fare la Volpe September 6, 2011 at 4:11 pm

This is the equivalent of seeing a fire tear through your family kitchen, and thinking the best course of action is to throw out the extinguishers, shut off the water, and bolt all the doors shut. AUSTERITY, PEOPLE!

gvvt September 6, 2011 at 4:35 pm

I'm sorry, Jimmy; we're going to have to let you go. We don't actually NEED any more drawings to put up on the refrigerator.

Devilette September 6, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Thanks, I just wet myself. lol

facehead September 6, 2011 at 3:57 pm

The same lawmakers later hypothesized that if NYC had simply stopped funding firefighters altogether, 9/11 would never have happened.

finallyhappy September 6, 2011 at 3:57 pm

I was away from news/newspapers/internet for 5 days(yes, they existed around me but I did not look at/use them) Then today I saw a newspaper that said Perry is the leading candidate- also that two of Bachmann's staff quit. Now the media is crap so maybe it is just the usual not news but how fucking stupid are Republicans to support Rick Perry? Seriously, How fucking stupid??????

FNMA September 6, 2011 at 4:01 pm

You need to ask? Haven't you been paying attention?

Mumbletypeg September 6, 2011 at 4:03 pm

I was away from news/newspapers/internet for 5 days

Were you happy for a while, if not 'finally'?

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Pretty goddamned fucking cunting stupid.

Geminisunmars September 6, 2011 at 6:32 pm

(Larry David voice:) Prrreeettty, pprrreeettty stupid.

ShaveTheWhales September 7, 2011 at 2:12 am

Umm, pretty fucking stupid?

Or is the answer Hilter?

Mumbletypeg September 6, 2011 at 3:57 pm

I'm sure those firefighters are well consoled with their plugs of tax-reduced chewin' tobacky to take the edge off of this slight.

KeepFnThatChicken September 6, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Here's where my heart will fibrillate: when one of the more moderate cocksuckers in this debate acts on behalf of their desperately needed "people points," and calls out Rick Perry LIVE ON TV for watching Texas burn.

…and then turns right around and says "Obamacare is bad."

CrunchyKnee September 6, 2011 at 3:59 pm

The taste of stupidity is sweet.
When minds like Texans meet.
They fell for Rick Perry just like a child.
And, boy, the fire went wild.

They fell into a burning ring of fire.
The IQ points went down as the flames grew higher.
And it burns, burns, burns,
The ring of dumbass.
The ring of dumbass.

nounverb911 September 6, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Sounds like little Ricky has a Nero complex.

LesBontemps September 6, 2011 at 3:59 pm

This is why we can't have nice things.

102415 September 6, 2011 at 3:59 pm

"So what’s the term for intentionally burning down your entire fucking state?"
Asshattery, douchbaggery or santoruming. Still, I think this is just an awful thing to do to Sarah.

ShaveTheWhales September 7, 2011 at 2:12 am

Republicanism.

Callyson September 6, 2011 at 3:59 pm

With Texas out of the picture, Obama might have a chance next year after all…

Chillwaver September 6, 2011 at 4:01 pm

No snark here. 1000 families have lost their homes so far and all these assholes want to do is keep their wingunt base happy.

DaRooster September 6, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Their ever declining wingnut base…

pinkocommi September 6, 2011 at 4:01 pm

On a positive note, when Texan Teabaggers lose everything to wildfires, at least they will be left with their ideological purity.

Fare la Volpe September 6, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Experts predict only mild cannibalism.

KeepFnThatChicken September 6, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Is Texas fatty or gamey?

littlebigdaddy September 6, 2011 at 4:01 pm

As a great Wonketteer once said, the fucking freud schadens itself.

DustBowlBlues September 6, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Still a great, great comment.

BarackMyWorld September 6, 2011 at 4:01 pm

The majority won't remember this on election day, when they re-elect the same clueless idiots because they scream "Jesus!" and "Tax cuts!" the loudest.

Fare la Volpe September 6, 2011 at 4:08 pm

It seems Perry's fiddle lessons are going well.

Ken Layne September 6, 2011 at 4:23 pm
flamingpdog September 6, 2011 at 9:29 pm

I though this was the kind of fiddling Rethug politicians are into.

Dexter Linwood September 7, 2011 at 3:47 am

Where is Charlie Daniels when you really need him? The man was taught by Satan, himself, the world's preeminent violinist.

comrad_darkness September 6, 2011 at 4:08 pm

As long as there aren't any consequences for bad government, why not keep electing short-sighted idiots?

OneYieldRegular September 6, 2011 at 4:09 pm

A: You know how to make God laugh?
B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell him your plans.
A: Wrong. Tell him Rick Perry's plans.

El Pinche September 6, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Free iphone for anyone with an unaltered photo of a Texas mansion burning in a brushfire with a half-burnt Perry 2012 sign in the front yard.

mavenmaven September 6, 2011 at 6:08 pm

The mansions won't burn, it will be the shacks and double-wides of the poor tea baggers that will burn.

El Pinche September 6, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Yep, the Koch army of unemployed and minimum wage workers voting against their own interests.

102415 September 7, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Oh no they can burn alright. Growing up in LA the fires burn straight to the ocean. The rich can rebuild though.

Gleem_McShineys September 6, 2011 at 4:09 pm

"Texas Forest Service? But Texas has no forests!"

"Not anymore, son. "

x111e7thst September 6, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Needz Moar Prayurz

Nostrildamus September 6, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Lone Star 451

genxr September 6, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Fredericksburg 451

Fawkdifiknow September 6, 2011 at 4:16 pm

You welfare statists just don't accept the commonly known fact that the more money you spend on something, the more you have of it. Texas has obviously been spending way too much money on fire fighting, and that's why they have so many fires. Just you naysayers wait and see. This is the best fire fighting strategy EVAR.

I should be a fucking teapartier, with reasoning skills like this!!!

102415 September 7, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Flawless teabaggist thinking but what does Ron Paul say?

genxr September 6, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Let the free market decide!

SorosBot September 6, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Now look, Texans, I know that you didn't start the fire, and it was always burning since the world's been turning; but even though you didn't start the fire, you didn't light it, you should try to fight it. Or else when you are gone it will still burn on and on and on and on…

Mahousu September 6, 2011 at 4:17 pm

This makes perfect sense. With a third of Texas's forests burned up, you cut the budget of the Forest Service by a third. In fact, the more the fires burn, the more you can cut.

Texas is going up in flames, and we're passing the savings on to you! (Where by "you" we mean "millionaires," of course.)

gvvt September 6, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Geez – it's so simple! Thanks! Obviously should work the same with the poors and sicks…

Lionel[redacted]Esq September 6, 2011 at 4:18 pm

But the rich don't have to pay anymore in taxes, right? So who cares.

fuflans September 6, 2011 at 4:19 pm

i got nothing. this is a perfect example of the baggers destroying this country in the name of things they really don't understand.

i am just very sad.

chascates September 6, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Bonfire of the Inanities

Texan_Bulldog September 6, 2011 at 5:40 pm

You have any fires out your way? We're still pretty safe but those Leander/Crystal Falls fires are a mite close…

chascates September 6, 2011 at 11:34 pm

All good at the Taylor farm! Could smell the Bastrop fire this morning but with the wind gone couldn't see it. Nice cooler weather though! (highs only in the lower 90s, lows in the upper 50s!!!!!)

Texan_Bulldog September 7, 2011 at 8:58 am

Yes, the cooler weather is fantastic. It goes well with the smell of napalm … er I mean ashes of people's lives…in the air.

Carrabuda September 6, 2011 at 7:13 pm

Bonfire of the Hannities.

gurukalehuru September 6, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Big prayer thingie didn't work out so hot, did it?

chascates September 6, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Lou Engle via RightwingWatch.org:
I heard that actually the day that Governor Perry announced that he’s running for president, and this is not an endorsement I’m giving here, it simply it rained I believe he said for five hours, it poured. And people think that that could’ve been a sign, I don’t know.

genxr September 6, 2011 at 6:56 pm

Someone said it rained somewhere for a few hours? Must be a sign!

You know what's not a sign? The drought worsens, a hurricane gives no rain, but instead blows dry wind stoking an out of control fire within sight of Austin, and zombie Molly Ivins rises from her grave looking for brains in the state capitol but finding none.

Nope, God's message is clear. Run Perry Run!

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 8:24 pm

From My Mighty Wrath!

Texan_Bulldog September 7, 2011 at 9:00 am

Lou must have been watching the weather report on Fox, because only on that channel would anyone say it's rained a drop here–much less poured for 5 hours.

chascates September 6, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Curiously, the Austin paper has this hede:
Perry Expresses Frustration with Federal Fire Support
but the link leads to 'not found', kind of like "Perry's help for Texas Forest Service" is 'not found'.
http://www.statesman.com/blogs/content/shared-gen

HistoriCat September 6, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Where was that Al Jazeera guy when the fire started, huh? Took his revenge from the thumpin' he got at that high school!

Mort_Sinclair September 6, 2011 at 4:39 pm

I suppose I should feel badly for Texas. Counting 1, 2, 3…. Okay, now that's over with, now's as good a time as any for you liberal/sentient Texans to haul ass out of that hell hole.

BornInATrailer September 6, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Everything Is Bigger In Texas… Including Self-Immolation!

chascates September 6, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Also:
Texas Cut Volunteer Fire Department Funding by 75% This Year
http://videocafe.crooksandliars.com/david/texas-c
"At a press conference Monday, Perry promised to seek federal disaster relief and said that FEMA would be in the state by Wednesday.

While the Texas governor has been highly critical of FEMA in the past, he told CBS' Erica Hill Tuesday that now was not the time to worry about reforming the agency."

Geminisunmars September 6, 2011 at 6:42 pm

There will be plenty of time after using up resources from FEMA.

Slim_Pickins September 6, 2011 at 8:10 pm

FEMA the agency you don't need until you need it.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 8:25 pm

No, of course not. All that reforminin' shouldn't happen until all on US is safe from the fire. And fuck you, everybody else, as soon as we gitz ours.

ShaveTheWhales September 7, 2011 at 2:16 am

Jeefuckingeebus. The wonderful part is that the teabaggers will simply ignore this example of self-interested hypocrisy.

owhatever September 6, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Shoot the fires, dammit. If that fails, shoot a Mexican or a liberal. The main thing is to be pro-active in dealing with this Obama-caused problem.

meatlofer September 6, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Just Burn Baby,Burn!

crybabyboehner September 6, 2011 at 4:59 pm

No worries, they'll just pray for rain again.

jus_wonderin September 6, 2011 at 5:01 pm

I live here. This makes perfect sense (if you are a Repulican). Argh.

HelmutNewton September 6, 2011 at 5:06 pm

It's all part of the GOP plan. Instead of building a border fence, they're gonna smoke the Messicans out.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 6, 2011 at 10:17 pm

At this rate, Mexicans will soon have no reason to cross the border.

Rcrumbudgeon September 6, 2011 at 5:07 pm

And thus god messed with Texas.

voodooeconomics September 6, 2011 at 5:11 pm

I love Texas. They live by Murphy's Law. What can go wrong will do so…if not, we make it so. As long as the State stays in a constant State of Fuck.

KeepFnThatChicken September 6, 2011 at 5:46 pm

I was laughing at the use of "Fuck", only to realize you didn't include the "-ed" at the end. That makes your little joke a bit more tantalizing… and variable. As if you either forgot the aforementioned suffix or the "cluster-".

Come here a minute September 6, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Administered combustion.

Texan_Bulldog September 6, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Ha ha. It's all fun and games until you're digging up your family's birf certificates (long forms, natch), looking up your home owners insurance policy & strapping your dog onto the roof of your car. Glad Governor Prick Perry could quit campaigning for president for 10 minutes — needs more prayer.

genxr September 6, 2011 at 6:16 pm

So if your home gets burned with all your possessions, you can never vote again. Sounds fair to me.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 6, 2011 at 10:18 pm

Well, you're unlikey to vote Republican … so yeah, it all works out.

donner_froh September 6, 2011 at 5:51 pm

The unchecked wildfires, destroying everything in their path, are the answer to the prayers of Rick Perry and his band of religious hooligans.

Not the answer they wanted but that happens sometimes.

ShaveTheWhales September 7, 2011 at 2:20 am

One of my not-too-offensively religious in-laws has a sign in the john that says, roughly,

"God answers all prayers.
Sometimes He says yes,
Sometimes he says no,
and sometimes He says
"You've got to be kidding".

Evidently, there's one missing:
"Sometimes He says, 'Fuck you, Rick Perry".

mumbly_joe September 6, 2011 at 5:54 pm

I pulled the relevant definitions from a dictionary:

man·age (mnj): v.tr. To exert control over

de·cline (d-kln) n.
1. The process or result of declining, especially a gradual deterioration.
[...]
3. The period when something approaches an end.
4. A downward slope; a declivity.
5. A disease that gradually weakens or wastes the body.

tl;dr, Teabaggers want to manage America into a decline.

Schmegeg September 6, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Market Based Conflageration

mavenmaven September 6, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Well, these hater oldz don't care, they don't recognize Merka today, so screw everyone.

glamourdammerung September 6, 2011 at 6:15 pm

And the absolute worst part of this is that while the Republicans are literally advocating slashing into uselessness something that will prevent needless loss of life and property, the Democrats will be too scared of being called mean to clearly point out how exceptionally retarded this proposal is.

Xsluggo September 6, 2011 at 6:23 pm

We destroyed Costa Mesa to save it.

Gleem_McShineys September 6, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Austerity Rotisserie Measures

subsum September 6, 2011 at 6:52 pm

Steiner Ranch, a 4,600-acre exurb with high walls and strong defenses to fend off the poors and the socialists, located north of Austin, was evacuated over the weekend.

That's the entire neighborhood, okay? That's 4,000 frickin' McMansions, some valued at $3 million in 2007 dollars (that's about $4.95 today). 20 homes were destroyed; about 30 were damaged.

Ricky-boy paid a visit and I'm sure he blamed it all on Obama.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 6, 2011 at 10:31 pm

Hey, when rich Republicans' homes burn, that's when it becomes a disaster.

AlaskaGrrl September 6, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Look, it's already burned. It can't burn again, right? No need for them fancy fire fight'n people when there are rich people that need tax cuts and campaign donors that need State contracts.

jtgillick September 6, 2011 at 9:30 pm

"Managed decline. So what’s the term for intentionally burning down your entire fucking state?"

well, duh …" MANAGED COLLAPSE">

DustBowlBlues September 6, 2011 at 10:08 pm

I keep picturing an old couple watching their house burn down while the old man shakes his veiny fist and yells, "That'll teach the soshulists," while Ma is screaming, "I told you to get my Hoveround and my teeth, goddam you."

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 11:05 pm

Your imagination. It is full of the win.

dsgruntled September 6, 2011 at 11:12 pm

I thought the every two year legislative circle jerk in Texas was over.

lulzmonger September 7, 2011 at 1:26 am

This situation is projected to become far worse for decades to come (Texas now = the entire inland southern US in ten years) … but climate change is baloney because Al Gore flies in a jet & has a big house!

"So what’s the term for intentionally burning down your entire fucking state?"

Psychosis – although our judges would've also accepted "conservatism" as an answer.

ShaveTheWhales September 7, 2011 at 2:30 am

As a sidelight, the New Yorker link leads to what I would call an extended abstract — lots of sentences talking about what the actual article will talk about, but without saying anything. This leads me to two observations:

1. If the New Yorker is somehow expecting me to pay to have access to the actual content, they should make the mechanism visible. I have no idea how one is supposed to get at the meat of the article. Of course, I wouldn't pay for it anyhow (it's the fucking New Yorker), but somebody else might.

2. Despite quite a few fond memories of Costa Mesa and environs from forty years ago, today it it is just another sub-cellular malignancy in the over-arching political tumor that is the OC. If they want to legislate themselves back to barbarism, fuck 'em.

GregComlish September 7, 2011 at 3:24 am

well, at least my prayers got answered.

Dexter Linwood September 7, 2011 at 3:27 am

Managed decline sound a helluva lot like benign neglect. I'm from a city that's been dealing with a managed decline for about six decades, now. Hell, the mayor is formally reverting entire swaths of the city back to nature. It's not like he has much of a choice since nature has been taking over regardless.

Where da money at? How'd it get dere?

comrad_darkness September 7, 2011 at 11:41 am

Flint?

Dexter Linwood September 8, 2011 at 12:33 am

Down the road; Detroit.

Dexter Linwood September 7, 2011 at 3:31 am

Self-sufficient, rugged individualists say what?

Surely, these fires are God's punishment of Houstonians for electing a lesbian to run the place. Surely.

hkjonus September 7, 2011 at 10:47 am

Dont mess with Texas, we got Perry messing it up already.

ttommyunger September 7, 2011 at 1:14 pm

I love the smell of Texas in the morning; it smells like……..Stupid!

MissusBarry September 6, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Totally understand. *Says a chick who most recently (of many adulthood moves from one pretty cheap place to another) moved from Cleveland to DC… a spacious home to a 1/3 the size apartment was a drastic change. Then again, so was not hating my life.* But, we must each do what is best for us and there are many factors in that equation, indeed. May your roof be damp and your air conditioning strong!

unclejeems September 6, 2011 at 7:57 pm

You can move to Indiana. Real estate is reasonable and we have rain.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Exactly.

unclejeems September 6, 2011 at 8:14 pm

As a former Texan, I resemble that remark.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 6, 2011 at 9:42 pm

Made damn sure that Pilate washed his hands Tony took a vacation on his yacht.

A bit light on the fire & brimstone, I know, but I thought it was a nice touch.

Guppy06 September 6, 2011 at 9:44 pm

I thought "fire and brimstone" was how the oil was made to begin with.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 11:30 pm

Pleased to meet you too, Biely.

Dexter Linwood September 7, 2011 at 3:36 am

Yeah, but it's still Indiana.

Pristine_ODummy September 7, 2011 at 3:29 pm

You're very … creative.

Have I told you that I've been *very* good lately?

Biel_ze_Bubba September 7, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Not my department — tell it to Santa.

Pristine_ODummy September 7, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Does this mean I'm gonna end up in your department, disirregardless, mein kind?

Biel_ze_Bubba September 7, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Entirely up to you … there's a simple rule, that starts "Do unto others…"

I'm a busy guy nonetheless, because simple rules lead to complex behavior. You can look it up .

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