never forget

Texas High School Catches Al Jazeera Terrorist Asking People About 9/11

Don't mess with Texas.Texas is facing a few challenges right now — incredible plagues of drought and fire and horror that could make even a liberal yankee atheist wonder if an Old Testament God had been awakened from its watery grave deep beneath the Gulf of Mexico. But narratives don’t exactly change overnight, which is why some school district bureaucrats in the Texan town of Booker threw a Brazilian journalist out of a high school football game, because he works for Al Jazeera. And they caught him just before he planted bombs beneath the bleachers asked some people about the 10-year anniversary of 9/11.

Gabriel Elizondo was attempting to do some “ask the regular folks” drive-across-Texas journalism. But when he gave the school lady his business card and she saw he worked for Al Jazeera, she ran for the school superintendent. And he told Elizondo to get lost, quick, because of what Elizondo’s people had done. (Brazilians did 9/11!)

He then said something I could not entirely make out, because his voice sort of quivered from a combination of being obviously furious and nervous at the same time.

But I am pretty sure he said:

“I think it was damn rotten what they did.”

“I am sorry, what who did?” I say, not sure exactly if he was calling me rotten, the terrorists rotten, Al Jazeera rotten, or all of the above.

“The people that did this to us,” he says back to me with a smirk, still glaring uncomfortably straight at my eyes.

“Well, I think it was bad too,” I say. “Well, do you think, sir, we can film a bit of the game and talk to some people here about just that?”

“No. You can’t film, you can’t take pictures, or interview people.”

Isn’t this a scene from Borat? Probably. Anyway, it serves this Brazilian smart-aleck right, making white people uncomfortable in Texas. Imagine the existential guilt that weighs heavily upon the middle-aged Texan male of today, knowing that the entire Saudi Arabian oil industry that gave birth to Osama bin Laden and most of the named 9/11 hijackers was actually created by Texans, when America ran out of oil 50 years ago! Imagine that! [Al Jazeera via Yahoo News]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


        1. Fare la Volpe

          Hey, I gotta do some maintenance too. I am fast approaching 24, which qualifies me for a senior citizen's discount in twink circles.

          Or maybe I totally misinterpreted that and TMI'd all over your face.

          1. Pristine_ODummy

            Oh, now I'm fascinated, please, more.

            You can never have too many twinks TMI'ing all over your face, especially if you're a depraved, ancient, hentai, porn-loving perv.

          1. Pristine_ODummy

            A passel of 'em anyway. Can't feel too sorry for multimillionaire ex-wifey, though. She's got herself a hot boyfriend now, and the kids are pretty grown. Meanwhile, Sanford's career is totes down the tubes, but his protege Nikki (I'm WHITE, honest!) Haley can probly sneak him in the back door in her cronyish way.

          2. Pristine_ODummy

            Is there anybody in South Carolina who ain't tapping Nikki? That gal's just about trawlin' the streets dragging men into her SUV and climbing them for a quick schtup.

            Teh rumour is that he *was* doing her, though, since she's the only aide who ever got herself a first class airline seat (with da Guv) on any of his travels. Oh, yeah, and she's a Methodist, now, not a Sikh, or so she says.

  1. SorosBot

    But I for one love what the Brazilians have done for us; I've seen some of the 70s porn, and all that hair is just icky.

        1. Tundra Grifter

          Next time I sign a Michele Bachmann petition, it's going to be "Al E. Cat."

          Or, to really freak 'em out, "Ali Kat."

    1. Fawkdifiknow

      And, that Brazilian would have got the Bernanke treatment if he had told those meatheads that he was there to convert their star football player into a soccer player.

  2. kissawookiee

    “No. You can’t film, you can’t take pictures, or interview people.”

    And somehow forbidding said filming, interviewing, and picturing resulted in the Texans looking a Brazilian times worse than they would have if the filming had been allowed to go forward. Can't explain it.

      1. comrad_darkness

        So, that's a real Texas welcome. Glad they raised the speed limit, then the Texans can sever your head sooner. That's what they there call Humanitarian.

  3. peaceocrap

    You're not allowed to ask people questions here. Where do you think you are, someplace where the freedom of the press is guaranteed right in our founding document?

  4. comrad_darkness

    You know the Super is a right winger because he peed his pants when faced with one of Them. Or a Brazilian journalist. Whichever. The only rational reaction to anything confusing, utter terror!

  5. donner_froh

    It didn't have anything to do with 9/11–the Brazilian guy wasn't showing the proper respect for the one true religion in Texas–high school footballs.

    1. Pristine_ODummy

      Actually, I think Biel_ze_Bubba is in charge of that project.

      Although God, apparently, gave permission. So, yeah. Fuck Texas.

  6. littlebigdaddy

    Ironically, a lot of that "free gay porn" they're always downloading in the Bible Belt is Brazilian.

  7. Eve8Apples

    "And he told Elizondo to get lost, quick, because of what Elizondo’s people had done. (Brazilians did 9/11!)"

    It's a crying shame that a Texas school superintendent could not correctly identify the location of Brazil on a world map. Miss South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton shares her thoughts on the subject:

    “I personally believe, that U.S. Americans,
    are unable to do so,
    because uh,
    some, people out there, in our nation don’t have maps.
    and uh…
    I believe that our education like such as in South Africa,
    and the Iraq,
    everywhere like such as…
    and, I believe they should uh,
    our education over here,
    in the U.S. should help the U.S.
    or should help South Africa,
    and should help the Iraq and Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future,
    for us.”

    1. Pristine_ODummy

      We could, but wouldn't that cause problems with your planned trip? Or do you like visiting war zones?

      Besides, Brazil has a bunch of money right now, and might bomb us back, or sabotage our steaks, or something.

  8. HelmutNewton

    Is that a picture of Elizondo?!? Someone should have told him to wait to eat the cute white children until AFTER he finished the interview.

    1. Pristine_ODummy

      You talk about Comrade Hector as if he had nothing but time. Comrade Hector is a busy man! He has to eat on the run!

      And boy did he have to run.

  9. JustPixelz

    I can appreciate their apprehension. That whole 9/11 thing happened in the United States of America. Texans try not to get too involved in foreign affairs.

  10. elviouslyqueer

    I would not have changed my mind about allowing you to just drop by and interview people and film our students. We did not have prior notice and we certainly did not have time to verify who you were. Also, I would have asked you not to do those things at a public event, on public property and at a public school function. If you had done these, then the FERPA rights for our students would very well have been violated, especially for the students whose parents have signed papers not allowing the pictures of their children on the web.

    FERPA? Really? Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't see how anything Mr. Elizondo was doing has anything remotely to do with FERPA.

    1. SorosBot

      This is Texas, so I'm sure there's never any media coverage of their high school football games normally.

    2. Doktor Zoom

      One of the kids might have mentioned that he was in 2nd grade in 2001, which would have been an incredible breach of privacy.

  11. SorosBot

    Since the story is on Yahoo news, I'm betting there's some horrifically offensive comments on the first page. Now to check…

    And yep!

    "Its freaking al jazzer!!!!! They host taliban battleplans on their servers come on!!!!!!!! Lucky he hasnt gotten shot yet"

    "Gabriel Elizondo, a Brazil-based correspondent for Al Jazeera… very jealous of America's success as leader of the free world and wants to start trouble….DEPORT THIS SCUMBAG RIGHT NOW NOW NOW!!!!!!!!"

    "lets see
    you have no spin but your own
    or al yaziras spin
    as they says in texas
    if it looks like shit
    and smells like shit
    then dont step in it

    1. fuflans

      and of course, brazil is actually doing quite well right now thank you. weathered the global meltdown far better that good ole us america.

      and prettier.

    2. Chillwaver

      It's the trolls that are still running windows 95 and have set as their home page. Here's another one:

      "Who the fuck cares what a "reporter" from al jazeera says, writes or thinks? Look at the footage al jazeera showcased on 9/11, then tell me they don't have a spin. Fuck a camel jockey."

  12. nappyduggs

    Ewww weee. That new Texas Chamber of Commerce campaign is comin' on like gangbusters;

    Texas: Becoming Less Impressive Than You Ever Imagined Anyplace Could Possibly Be."

  13. Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Kazakhstan greatest country in the world.
    All other countries are run by little girls.
    Kazakhstan number one exporter of potassium.
    Other countries have inferior potassium.

    Kazakhstan home of Tinshein swimming pool.
    It’s length thirty meter and width six meter.
    Filtration system a marvel to behold.
    It remove 80 percent of human solid waste.

    Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan you very nice place.
    From Plains of Tarashek to Norther fence of Jewtown.
    Kazakhstan friend of all except Uzbekistan.
    They very nosey people with bone in their brain.

    Kazakhstan industry best in the world.
    We invented toffee and trouser belt.
    Kazakhstan’s prostitutes cleanest in the region.
    Except of course Turkmenistan’s

    Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan you very nice place.
    From Plains of Tarashek to Norther fence of Jewtown.
    Come grasp the might phenis of our leader.
    From junction with the testes to tip of its face!

  14. slithytoves

    I call bullshit. Like Texas gives a fuck what happens in the Northeast. They've made that clear enough.

  15. FakaktaSouth

    Dude wanted to get to know the "real" Texas, and here t'was. Like it? (Disclaimer: I have very very very cool family in Ft Worth, so obligatory not everybody sucks, etc – says the gal from AL, derp)

  16. ArmoredLibunatic

    The comments on the Yahoo posting where I saw this first stirred that old feeling again. The one of bottomless darkness and dimensionless despair for The Great U.S. of A.

    This is why we can't have nice things, America! /drinkatwork

  17. LiveToServeYa

    ..and then they hauled him away and gave him a bikini wax, which was the only thing they knew about his country of origin, before running him out of town.

  18. Redhead

    “Well, do you think, sir, we can film a bit of the game and talk to some people here about just that?”

    And that's your mistake. You shouldn't have asked; you should have simply informed him that, as a journalist working for a legitimate news organization, you had every right to film, interview and report anything happening in a public place.

    And, just because I'm an ass, I probably would have added, "And yes, GWB, they DO have blacks in Brazil too, but because Brazil's on a totally different continent than Afghanistan, they actually had nothing to do with 9/11."

  19. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    It is nice to know that some place in America has held on to the feeling that swept this country immediately after 9/11…., Irrational Xenophobia, Racism and Paranoia combined with with an inability to distinguish one brown person from another.

  20. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    And won't the superintendent feel foolish when the bugs send an asteroid into South America giving us an excuse for our next glorious war?

  21. fletc3her

    Now if everyone would just start reacting the exact same way when FOX reporters show up the world would be a better place.

  22. Pristine_ODummy

    So, like, this is on Al-Jazeera's site now, where the whole world can read it?

    Can Texas please secede now? And if not, can we just, like kick the whole state out? We'll keep Austin …

  23. SheriffRoscoe

    "Taking pictures at Texas high school football games is unlawful? Since fucking when?"

    Boom. And that's how you push back, Brazilian guy.

  24. Nostrildamus

    It's easy to think this was just a lone nitwit that confused "Al Jazeera" with "Al Qaeda", but Rumsfeld made a point of condemning Al Jazeera in the same breath as Al Qaeda to demonize the organization at every press conference from 2002-2004. This incident is a direct, desired result of his action plan.

  25. Pat_Pending

    Al Jazeera, Al Qaeda, Al Franken, Al Gore, Al Davis, Al Michaels, Al Yankovic, Al Pacino, Al Roker, Al Sharpton, Al Lewis, Al Fresco, Al Batross, Al Dente…


  26. Terry

    Yes, obviously, the Moooslims are casing high school football games in West bumf#@k, Texas. It's the next obvious place to hit.

  27. weejee

    Portuguese is not the same thing as Spanish, and Brazilian Portuguese is stranger still. But since the the superintendent is clearly a Kochsucker cockroach…

    ♪♫ La cucaracha, la cucaracha,
    ya no puede caminar
    porque no tiene, porque le falta
    marihuana pa' fumar ♫♪

    1. DashboardBuddha

      Word. The only way a teacher can move from the classroom to the main office is by having every shred of decency surgically removed. (I've had some bad experiences – ymmv)

  28. fuflans

    i have al jazeera bookmarked. i like to conspicuously display it when wingtard friends visit.

    oh wait, no that never happens. i don't have any of those friends.

  29. Wonderthing

    From the Al Jazeera story's comments page:

    "Gee, I wonder how well we are accepted Bible in hand in a Muslim country like Saudi Arabia ? "

    Kuz that guy, that moolsum was carrying a copy of koran and tried to shove it up the superintendent's butt. that's what i heard anyway later when i was drunk and trying to get drunker….

    1. genxr

      I suppose it would be useless to point out that Al Jazeera rails against the tyranny of the Saudi ruling family, and Saudi Arabia has been trying to silence them for years.

      No, you dumb hick, Al Jazeera isn't welcome in Saudi Arabia either.

      1. Dexter Linwood

        That's the crazy thing. Al Jazeera is far less religiously bent than say FOX; in fact, the entire point of Al Jazeera is to start a tradition of free press in the Arabic-speaking world, but if its Arabic it must be Muslim, right?

    2. Pristine_ODummy

      That's the kind of comment that, when you read it, your brain stops functioning for a few moments and you hang suspended in time as it splutters and stutters and then finally, a spark catches and you think, "Holy fuck, did I really read that? Better not look. It'll break my brain again."

  30. genxr

    Post this story on redstate and everyone there will wonder why the school officials were so kind to him, and then start a mass rabid anti-mooslem circle jerk. They don't confuse Al Jazeera and Al Qaeda, they deliberately conflate the two.

  31. fuflans

    so reading between the lines here, it seems that texas is like an advanced breed of orcs that were spawned out of mud.

    i'm good with that.

    1. ArmoredLibunatic

      I'd sooner hang out with the orcs, either LotR or WH40K varieties. These dunces are all of the WAAAGH!!! and none of the humor.


    - "Mr. Principal, I'm here to distribute some Al-Zheimer's brochures."
    – "Mrs. González, call 911 right now!"

  33. pinkocommi

    Terrorists inspire fear and anger. The reporter Elizondo inspired fear and anger in the Texan school superintendent. Ergo, the reporter Elizondo is a terrorist.

    That, my dear friends, is Texan logic and singlehandedly explains why we have so many fucking Teatards in Texas and beyond.

  34. el_donaldo

    During the invasion of Iraq, coalition forces were directed to fire on Al Jazeera journalists attempting to cover the invasion. So technically they are the enemy.

  35. Buckminster

    Oh, and if they weren't involved in the bombing of the Twin Towers and the Pentagon, where did Al Qaida get those brazillians of dollars?

  36. Guppy06

    This is the kind of learned and informed school administration you get when you spend 125% of your education budget on football.

    Though I guess even that is a necessary evil, or their entire student body would end up home-schooled.

  37. Guppy06

    I roll down my window. “Excuse me, where is the local high school?” I ask a woman at a stop sign.

    Y'know, maybe he was just a little skeevy?

    1. KenLayIsAlive

      If they could tell the difference between brown people, I'd say you might be on to something.

      I recall as an Italian in West Texas PE class that I couldn't be on the "white people" baseball team because I was Mexican, and I couldn't be on the "Mexican" baseball team because I was white. They were soon to discover I shouldn't be on either team because I "suck at baseball".

  38. zhubajie

    Isn't Al-Jazeera funded by the monarch of Qatar? One of our allies? I believe the Persian Gulf Fleet is based out of Qatar.

  39. AlaskaGrrl

    Getting turned down by the superintendent was really a good thing. A whole crowd of Texas "educated" white folk hopped up on All 'Merican Football, sounds like a lynch mob waiting for a brown person to happen by.

  40. rickmaci

    Wonder if the supe like sukkar in his arabica blend qahwa? Maybe he just drinks good old all American Tea or Kool-aid.

  41. Dexter Linwood

    Anyway, it serves this Brazilian smart-aleck right, making white people uncomfortable in Texas.

    "Making white people uncomfortable in Texas" is a capitol offense, down there, I hear.

    Welcome to America, Mr. Elizondo. Everything's bigger in Texas, even the xenophobia.

  42. ttommyunger

    As a Georgia resident I record Al Jazeera English daily (LinkTV on DirecTV, Ch. 375) and get its twitter feed. I frequently retweet and post their articles on facebook. I'm pretty sure I'm under official scrutiny, but the locals here couldn't find a bale of hay in a telephone booth, so I've got that going for me, which is nice.

Comments are closed.