SATAN IS REAL  1:20 pm September 6, 2011

‘Dancing With the Stars’ Releases Chilling Image of Satan (Nancy Grace)

by Ken Layne

On the 31st floor, a gold-plated door, won't keep out the Lord's burning rain ....Monstrous trash-cable crime-porn death-beast Nancy Grace is joining the noxious reality-celeb ritual gyration glitter program Dancing With the Stars. This is Living Proof that Satan is real and amongst us, today. Americans watch THIRTY-SIX HOURS OF TEEVEE per week, every week, on their slow Rascal-assisted journey to the Medicare Crematorium, so it’s very likely that almost every American will at least see a “promo” for this wretched shit circus. Would you like to see a large, horrifying press photograph of Nancy Grace on Dancing With the Stars? We guarantee it will almost make you forget the painful image of a tiny Hollywood dancer man struggling to hoist Teen Mom star Bristol Palin closer to the klieg lights, so that she might burn like some slob Icarus in the global warming Midnight Sun of trailer park apocalypse.

Anyway, here you go! Enjoy the night terrors during your last months on Earth:

Down we go, Down we go, Down we go, The Devil and me! Down we go, down down down! Hell fire and flames, Down we go, Down we go!The real problem, of course, is that some jobless illiterate teens will see a transsexual on this same show (and how would anyone tell?) and then the jobless illiterate teens will become transsexuals, too. And this will matter in some important way, because it will be immense diabetic transsexuals crashing Hoverounds outside the SONIC drive-thru instead of the “reg’lr kind.” [Via Cajun Boy]

 
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{ 224 comments }

GunToting[Redacted] September 6, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Kill it!!! Kill it with fire!!!

DahBoner September 6, 2011 at 2:12 pm

I wouldn't get any open flames any where near that….

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Can't we just use ten-foot poles with sharp stickers on the ends?

Biel_ze_Bubba September 6, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Never mind the fire … the moment she's spotted in Texas from an airplane, she's done for.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Er … pour quois?

Biel_ze_Bubba September 6, 2011 at 11:07 pm

She'll be chased across the fields by "pork choppers" — and I can't see her getting far in those heels.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 11:15 pm

Holy gee, Biely, that's downright cruel. I love it.

Dexter Linwood September 7, 2011 at 4:34 am

Feral hogs, my dear. Feral hogs.

Pristine_ODummy September 7, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Thank you, Dexter. She certainly looks the part.

ShaveTheWhales September 6, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Zaftig.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Except, it's to the nth power.

Tengu September 6, 2011 at 1:25 pm

BANG… and now I'm gay.

DaRooster September 6, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Fuckin A…

Fare la Volpe September 6, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Meetings are on Tuesdays at the Backdoor Inn. Clothing optional.

Not_So_Much September 6, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Right? My junk is so far up inside my chest cavity that I'm having trouble breathing…

Crank_Tango September 6, 2011 at 1:49 pm

oh see I just thought it was a dude in a dress, so problems there. I mean shit, she looks like a linebacker with implants, amirite?

Not_So_Much September 6, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Alex Karras, but with more facial and back hair.

JustPixelz September 6, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Me too. But then I looked at Kortney (again!) and I am cured.

jjdaddyo September 6, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Oh sure, just because you have a TG person on the show, now you have to let tranny hookers on, too?

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 5:10 pm

I just gave up the whole "bisexual" end of the LGBTQ spectrum.

FidoMcCokefiend September 6, 2011 at 1:25 pm

I will bet $1,000,000,000 that those cankles were photoshopped out.

Not_So_Much September 6, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Whoops, I should read *all* the posts before I tromp all over one.

But seriously, wouldn't they be less elephantine if they did?

FidoMcCokefiend September 6, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Just imagine what they looked like to start with, if this is what they stopped at?

Fare la Volpe September 6, 2011 at 1:36 pm

It's Photoshop, not the Hands of God.

Not_So_Much September 6, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Fair point. Probably only Leatherface could take them down any further — and I honestly don't like his chances against her.

FrenchTwist40 September 7, 2011 at 12:51 am

Although it almost looks like they took all of the flesh that had been Photoshopped off of the assorted actresses, tween singers and adolescent models, and glued it randomly to her body. Like it might be Buffalo Bill's Chunky Girlsuit.

neiltheblaze September 6, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Well, you know, she *could* use the exercise.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 5:12 pm

I pity her partner.

Pragmatist2 September 6, 2011 at 1:26 pm

The only image I want to see of Nancy Grace has a caption which reads:"Exploiter of other peoples misery found dead at Caribbean bondage club."

Dexter Linwood September 7, 2011 at 4:37 am

ROTFLMAO!

DahBoner September 6, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Yeah, instead of a coat check room, it looks like Dancing With The Stars needs a junk check room for the dude-chicks…

Barrelhse September 6, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Nancy, maybe, but Grace? Now you've made me laugh.

GuanoFaucet September 6, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Nancy will win DWTS by rage bullying the other contestants until they kill themselves.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 5:12 pm

At least until Chaz sits on her.

FNMA September 6, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Jesus fuck.
That's all.

genxr September 6, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Dancing with Cows

chascates September 6, 2011 at 1:28 pm

And if you see a two-headed Martian on national teevee you might think "hey, that's acceptable. I'll just become a two-headed Martian. Thanks liberal media for helping me change."

Not_So_Much September 6, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Holy fuckballs. If someone is going to go that far with Photoshop, they should at least have the courtesy to reduce her powerful, galumphing cankles to a circumference less than, say, your average pork roast.

jodyleek September 6, 2011 at 3:47 pm

And you just know she was wearing several pieces of supportive undergarments to reign in all that. When she removed them (ugh – don't think about it!) it must have been like that episode of Gilligan's Island, when the homemade glue that they used to repair the hull of the SS Minnow let loose.

HelmutNewton September 6, 2011 at 1:29 pm

The horror……the horror……

DerrickWildcat September 6, 2011 at 1:30 pm

She's pretty hot!

proudgrampa September 6, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Yeah! I've been known to enjoy the oversized saddle on occasion.

LesBontemps September 6, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Has she been soaked with kerosene and set ablaze?

arihaya September 7, 2011 at 12:02 am

hot as in Texas forest fire ?

DaRooster September 6, 2011 at 1:31 pm

"Is that an Oompa Loompa Mommy?"
"No… it is just a mean, spiteful bitch… eat your pudding."

Fare la Volpe September 6, 2011 at 1:31 pm

That push-up's not pushing up enough.

DaRooster September 6, 2011 at 1:33 pm

But I think it "pulled around" quite a bit.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 6, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Needs more titanium.

Dexter Linwood September 7, 2011 at 4:41 am

Gravity is a powerful and unforgiving mistress.

Mahousu September 6, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Occult revival? A little late for Christine O'Donnell, sorry.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Hey! Watch what you're … wut? Oh. Never mind.

DerrickWildcat September 6, 2011 at 1:32 pm

I think that's the ballerina lady that was Natalie Portman's stunt double. The lady that really did all the dancing.

SheriffRoscoe September 6, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Buxom !

DaRooster September 6, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Buck some?

Swampgas_Man September 6, 2011 at 3:06 pm

She should buck off.

not that Dewey September 6, 2011 at 2:46 pm

I was thinking "manxome".

Steverino247 September 6, 2011 at 1:32 pm

I knew she had no shame, but did I need to see photographic evidence? Uh, no.

ManchuCandidate September 6, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Why'd they photoshop Nancy Grace's head onto Ahnold "The Sperminator" Blackhead's body?

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 5:15 pm

It's the only thing they could find massive enough to hold up that skull.

Well, and dinosaurs, but those are, like, in museums already, and stuff.

edgydrifter September 6, 2011 at 1:33 pm

At some point she'll have to drop that "hips going left, shoulders going right" pose and listen to the gasps of horror as her waist magically disappears.

Redhead September 6, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Damn, not that she was hot to start with, but she looks like she ATE Bristol. Lady packed on a few (hundred) pounds.

(PS – Ken, this post was awesomesauce and makes me wish you posted more!)

Dexter Linwood September 7, 2011 at 4:43 am

She didn't gain weight; like most tv hosts, she's just shot better for her own show. You know, seated, and from the chest up.

HistoriCat September 6, 2011 at 1:33 pm

I find that picture difficult impossible to masturbate to.

DaRooster September 6, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Turn around the monitor.

prommie September 6, 2011 at 2:00 pm

I may never masturbate again.

DahBoner September 6, 2011 at 2:09 pm

I'm saving it all for the Bristol reruns….

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 5:16 pm

You need to find you a smaller pussy than Nance.

natoslug September 6, 2011 at 5:25 pm

A true devotee to the art can masturbate to ANYTHING.

deanbooth September 6, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Including The View?

natoslug September 6, 2011 at 8:08 pm

Once you learn to harness you inner-porn, even the view is beatable. Truly, the sound of one hand fapping.

Dexter Linwood September 7, 2011 at 4:44 am

Even The Talk? How about Murder She Wrote?

SudsMcKenzie September 6, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Id rather watch Judge Judy work the pole.

BornInATrailer September 6, 2011 at 1:51 pm

And I'd rather work my pole watching Judge Judy.

Chet Kincaid September 6, 2011 at 2:07 pm

"Sir – Sir!! Did I say you could touch yourself?! A DOLLAR? Don't jizz on my leg and tell me it's raining!"

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Sweet CHRIST, Suds! Now I'm feeling *really* squirmish.

DerrickWildcat September 6, 2011 at 1:35 pm

They have a different definition of, "Star" than I do.

poorgradstudent September 6, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Seriously. The show just needs to called Dancing With The "Stars".

SorosBot September 6, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Hey, I've actually heard of six of the "stars" for this year, which is more than usual for that show. Granted, most of them haven't been relevant since the 90s, but still…

Swampgas_Man September 6, 2011 at 3:06 pm

She's in the public eye, like a sharp stick.

GunToting[Redacted] September 6, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Dancing with the Steers.

ThankYouJeebus September 6, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Only 2 things from Georgia are steers and shrieking dome-headed harpies.

Biel_ze_Bubba September 6, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Contest over. We have a winner!

superdave September 6, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Nuke it from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

jus_wonderin September 6, 2011 at 1:54 pm

That won me.

MozakiBlocks September 6, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Slow golf clap…

FlownOver September 6, 2011 at 1:38 pm

I'm waiting for the DWTS Also-Rans sub-series where she's paired with Tom Delay. Will she tango or indict him? Tune in to see!

Troglodeity September 6, 2011 at 1:38 pm

AUUUGHH! MY EYES! MY EYES!

mookwrthwilson September 6, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Booze and Hotpants!!!

Tundra Grifter September 6, 2011 at 1:38 pm

I'd like to see a photo of the head that originally went with that body.

Meanwhile, does anyone else remember the account of a hotel one-night stand with Nancy Grace that appeared here a year or two ago?

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 5:18 pm

You shouldn'ta reminded us, Tundra. Not with that photo before our eyes, anyway.

edgydrifter September 6, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Given her bulldog tenacity (and jawline), one the DWTS dancers must be her prime-target suspect in Jon Benet's murder.

Dexter Linwood September 7, 2011 at 4:46 am

What? Is Natalee Holloway chopped liver? Jon Benet is so 1990's.

LiveToServeYa September 6, 2011 at 1:39 pm

At long last, have we left no sense of decency?

LesBontemps September 6, 2011 at 1:40 pm

RIP, American popular culture.

Fare la Volpe September 6, 2011 at 1:46 pm

How can you kill that which never lived?

LesBontemps September 6, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Well, I grew up with Lenny Bernstein and Nelson Riddle on the teevee, Top 40 on the AM, "free-form" on the FM, Andy Warhol on the walls, Ken Kesey on the bookshelf and Abbie Hoffman in the streets. So it's not like there were never signs of life. But I'm pretty sure that picture above — and all it represents — is the end.

GuyClinch September 6, 2011 at 1:40 pm

I think we now know where all the missing white women went. Straight to her thighs! She a big, hungry, big hungry girl, is what I'm saying.

prommie September 6, 2011 at 1:40 pm

I would not hit that, not on a bet,
I would not hit that, don't you fret.
I would not hit that on a train
I would not hit that in the state of Maine.
I would not hit that in the hall,
there isn't enough alcohol.
I would not hit that on a dare,
I wouldn't even want to see her bare.
I wouldn't hit it in the dark
I wouldn't hit it in the park.
I wouldn't hit it from behind,
view, I think, would be most unkind.
I wouldn't hit it with a hammer,
I'd rather spend life in the slammer.
Not even with a ten-foot Lousiville slugger
would I touch that odious, nasty mugger.

ProudLibunatic September 6, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Win!!

(You know you'd hit it…with a 2 x 4.)

prommie September 6, 2011 at 2:02 pm

An 11-foot 2×4. Man, she should call herself "Lady Beluga."

proudgrampa September 6, 2011 at 2:22 pm

For the freakin' win!

Really, prommie, you should get your own blog. Your talents need to be enjoyed by a much larger audience.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Absolute upfists for this, prommie.

Mumbletypeg September 6, 2011 at 1:40 pm

I don't watch DWTS. Have they ever had any of the couples dance to the 80s one-hit wondersong, "Waiting for a Star to Fall"?

Maybe they should consider that now.

DerrickWildcat September 6, 2011 at 1:40 pm

The Detroit Lions should draft her. Imagine her as the other DT with Ndamukong Suh.
The Lions would be a QB killing machine!

OneYieldRegular September 6, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Who's going to be her partner – Caveman Tumak? She looks like she's about to be plucked off by a pterodactyl.

GuyClinch September 6, 2011 at 1:43 pm

That's one strong motherfucking pterodactyl.

BornInATrailer September 6, 2011 at 1:49 pm

She has a club like Captain Caveman. But when the top opens up, a blood sugar tester pops out.

ifthethunderdontgetya September 6, 2011 at 1:41 pm

….so that she might burn like some slob Icarus in the global warming Midnight Sun of trailer park apocalypse.

This is why I could never quit you, Wonkette.
~

SudsMcKenzie September 6, 2011 at 1:46 pm

He had me at "Monstrous trash-cable crime-porn death-beast".

Nothingisamiss September 8, 2011 at 11:58 pm

It's a thing of beauty, it is.

x111e7thst September 6, 2011 at 1:42 pm

And this Nancy person is not an immense diabetic transsexual?

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Well, I'd probably agree with the "immense" part, and the "diabetic" just seems to follow, but most transsexuals are hella HOT (Ru-Paul?), and this heah just seems to be a mighty hogbeast.

MissusBarry September 6, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Perhaps I know longer understand the meaning of the word "star"…aside for the celestail bodies (ok, Nancy might reach that kind of diameter), but the colloquial term referring to celebrity. I know I live in a pop culture vacuum, but I just don't think she (or most of the other people on that shit show) measures up to the definition. She can't be above, like, a U-lister in celebrity rankings.

proudgrampa September 6, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Well, not exactly casabas. Watermelons!

BornInATrailer September 6, 2011 at 1:42 pm

And I thought hearing about Sinead needing it regularly in the butt and having a date with a banana would be the worst piece of entertainment news I got this month.

prommie September 6, 2011 at 2:03 pm

That was weird, Sinead complaining that she hasn't taken a delivery in the "tradesman's entrance" in too long.

BornInATrailer September 6, 2011 at 2:09 pm

If I had known she burned for a little rusty sheriff's badge action (not you Roscoe) back when she was tearing up pope pics on SNL, yeah, nice, awesome. I like that.

Now, just not doing much for me. It would be like learning the same info about Carrie Fisher now instead of around when Jedi came out.

widestanceshakedown September 6, 2011 at 1:43 pm

How in the name of everything good in this world did someone climb atop that and commence begettin'?

EatsBabyDingos September 6, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Barbie designed by Shamoo.

Chet Kincaid September 6, 2011 at 1:43 pm

What she doesn't know is that her dance partner will be…Joran van der Sloot!!

FlownOver September 6, 2011 at 1:50 pm

FT Ultimate W!

donner_froh September 6, 2011 at 2:00 pm

You are an upfisting magnet.

not that Dewey September 6, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Where are those "missing white women" stories when you need one?

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Suddenly, I feel for the little psychopath.

__kth__ September 6, 2011 at 1:44 pm

If she gets low scores, she'll roll her eyes like she does when some hippie says we shouldn't execute people unless we're pretty sure they're guilty.

But it's good that she is who people think of when they think of prosecutors, because nearly all of them are just like her.

SheriffRoscoe September 6, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Born to shimmy.

DerrickWildcat September 6, 2011 at 1:46 pm

If you tried to dance with a star it would burn you because they are like 10,000 degrees or something.

imissopus September 6, 2011 at 1:46 pm

I want to hug that poor photographer and say "It's okay, man. You did your best."

Goonemeritus September 6, 2011 at 1:47 pm

I whish to God they would bring back “The Love Boat”. Back when that show was on the air you only had one show to avoid if you wanted to spare yourself the pain of watching B-list celebrities debasing themselves for one more pathetic grasp at relevance.

prommie September 6, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Finally, the perfect wife for Governor Avoirdupois, Chris Christie (who, conicidentally, I saw at lunch today, lumbering into a Ewing eatery next door to the 7-11 where I was buying scratch-off lottery tickets. The place is famous for its 2-pound hamburgers; I assume he would order them by the sack).

LesBontemps September 6, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Quick! Get yourself out beyond the event horizon before you're sucked into that gaping maw!

prommie September 6, 2011 at 1:55 pm

You could actually see the distortion of the space-time continuum caused by his gravity well.

SudsMcKenzie September 6, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Their gonna need a bigger helicopter.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 5:26 pm

A Sikorsky Troop-transport.

mereoblivion September 6, 2011 at 2:09 pm

So one of those scratch-offs paid big coin, right? I mean, as compensation for enduring such a sight?

SheriffRoscoe September 6, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Guys can we go easy on Nancy Grace. I'm having a rare moment of pity here.

GunToting[Redacted] September 6, 2011 at 2:21 pm

I had a flash of that when I started the "don't pick on the fat kid" thought. But then I remembered what a horrible, soulless, hideous sack of flabby shit Nancy Grace is, and the feeling went away.

proudgrampa September 6, 2011 at 2:31 pm

It's OK, Roscoe. She really is a horrible person.

Dexter Linwood September 7, 2011 at 4:50 am

My rare moment of pity for her will come when she has a rare moment of pity…so, I guess that means fucking never.

tcaalaw September 7, 2011 at 8:45 am

I'll save my sympathy for the Devil, thank you.

johnnyzhivago September 6, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Dear Lord, did you have to post that photo right after lunch?

kateinmt September 6, 2011 at 1:49 pm

One good tango dip and she'll smother herself.

Chet Kincaid September 6, 2011 at 1:58 pm

And land her partner in traction for 6 months.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Damn, Chet, you're in FINE form today, man. I cannot upfist you enough.

genxr September 6, 2011 at 2:01 pm

When I see her, I don't think "tango dip" I think "tangy dipping sauce"

DerrickWildcat September 6, 2011 at 1:49 pm

That dress is very slimming.

Guppy06 September 6, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Wait, I thought…

Oh, right! It's her house that has the legs of a chicken!

donner_froh September 6, 2011 at 2:03 pm

One upfist from Modest Petrovich Mussorgsky

nappyduggs September 6, 2011 at 1:53 pm

I have a widescreen teevee, but there won't be any room left in the margins.

Guppy06 September 6, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Obligatory comic.

Scroll to the bottom.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 5:31 pm

S*P totally rox! BUT — that Nancy Grace is from decades ago. You can actually see her waist and her chubby little arms.

prommie September 6, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Well, the image is certainly jarring, but on the plus side, we all have a sure cure for premature ejcaulation now, I am certain the memory of this photo will work better than baseball stats or anything else.

mereoblivion September 6, 2011 at 2:13 pm

If the memory doesn't prevent us from even starting down that road, if you know what I mean.

LesBontemps September 6, 2011 at 1:53 pm

I understand that she'll be booked for SeaWorld next.

donner_froh September 6, 2011 at 1:54 pm

It is a bit odd to read about what is happening on TeeVee since we haven't had a television for eight years. Missing all those reality shows, sitcoms, cop shows, hospital shows or (particularly) shouting head news shows might slow my descent into gibbering senility–but probably not.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Relax. I got rid of mine about 20 years ago. Thank deity for Google, which explains pop cultuah references for me. And also for Netflix in case any of that teevee shit was actually worth watching. (Dexter. Yes.)

elviouslyqueer September 6, 2011 at 1:54 pm

And lo, a million drag queens just shrieked "Hallelujah" in unison, for verily was their Halloween costume made.

Chet Kincaid September 6, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Tap it WHERE?!

Dexter Linwood September 7, 2011 at 4:51 am

On the shoulder. That's the only kind of tapping you'll be doing with her.

Tundra Grifter September 7, 2011 at 9:08 am

First, roll in flour.

BombyMcGee September 6, 2011 at 1:55 pm

dudenaw

DerrickWildcat September 6, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Evander Holyfield is on Dancing With The Stars again?

prommie September 6, 2011 at 2:16 pm

More like Leon Spinks.

DerrickWildcat September 6, 2011 at 2:20 pm

I know right? I thought it was George Foreman until I looked a little closer.

capnhuggyface September 6, 2011 at 1:55 pm

hoochie mama!!

Monsieur_Grumpe September 6, 2011 at 1:56 pm

I hope her partner is someone like Lou Ferrigno. She doesn't look like she's light on her feet. Light in the head maybe, feet no.

BornInATrailer September 6, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Mr. Egg Man needs to come and haul this bitch away in a wheelbarrow. Like right now.

mookwrthwilson September 6, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Honestly, if it weren't for the unfortunate jawline and hairstyle, she don't look too bad for an over 50 year old woman…

Chet Kincaid September 6, 2011 at 2:00 pm

So Lou Ferrigno has opted for a different kind of transformation?

LetUsBray September 6, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Does her face ever not have that terrifying, predatory leer?

sunmusing September 6, 2011 at 2:03 pm

A real hernia producer that one is. In more ways than one.

So says Yoda the wise.

BlueStateLibel September 6, 2011 at 2:03 pm

It's nice to see Dick Cheney back on the front cover of Time though.

Eve8Apples September 6, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Audrey Hepburn = Star
Robert Redford = Star
Angelina Jolie = Star
Cary Grant = Star

Nancy Grace = Steer

mereoblivion September 6, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Bum Steer

donner_froh September 6, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Roll her in flower to find the wet spot if you want to tap that.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 5:34 pm

I don't believe there is that much flour in the whole world.

mereoblivion September 6, 2011 at 2:11 pm

It's only fitting that the epitome of Grace is a Nancy.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Well, yes, but not this one.

timbo71351 September 6, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.

proudgrampa September 6, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.

Dexter Linwood September 7, 2011 at 4:55 am

You've won the future.

prommie September 6, 2011 at 2:15 pm

She has the shape and the curves of a fucking beer keg. Jesus Fuck indeed. And that insane angry leering wild-eyed and enormous head atop the beer keg, this woman, I cannot help but marvel, this is the most repellant woman I have ever seen. Not the fattest, not the ugliest, no, just sear-your-eyeballs, pucker-your-ass, shrivel-your-dick, dry-heave inducing horrid, beastly, scarifying, horrible. She's just horrible.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 5:37 pm

I may occasionally snark about teh fat, but some big fat women are utterly luscious.

This one is a hosebeast. There is nothing luscious or inviting about her. More like dick-shriveling horror, as you so aptly point out.

Chet Kincaid September 6, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Pick a side, Pristine! Is it broad-shouldered, smoothly-waxed pro swimmer dudes, or BBWs? I haz a gender-confused.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 6:20 pm

The nice thing about being bi is, you're guaranteed a date on Saturday night. :)

I haz a gender-confused also. It's pretty fun, if you just go with it.

Chet Kincaid September 6, 2011 at 6:55 pm

I will pray for you. Just shittin' ya. Enjoy!

jus_wonderin September 6, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Ironically, on my local NPR affiliate, Think is doing an hour on M Vick's pitbulls and how some were rehabilitated to not be fighters.

Nancy reminds me of a pitbull.

SorosBot September 6, 2011 at 2:18 pm

NSFW, NSFW!

poorgradstudent September 6, 2011 at 2:20 pm

I'll only watch if she's accompanied by back-up dancers who are white 10-year old girls made out to look like zombie murder victims.

elviouslyqueer September 6, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Dear Urban Dictionary:

In case you need a photo illustration for the definition of FUPA, look no further.

You're welcome.

tyler8 September 6, 2011 at 2:41 pm

All hot straight guys: take a gander at this and welcome to our side.

littlebigdaddy September 6, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Tits or GTFO! (I just threw up a little in my mouth).

HistoriCat September 6, 2011 at 3:02 pm

That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

fuflans September 6, 2011 at 3:16 pm

i was 12 minutes to late.

cheers!

MLHencken September 6, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Obviously Nancy is using some new space-age spanx prototype.

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 5:39 pm

God help us all if the thing ever pops.

BarackMyWorld September 6, 2011 at 3:11 pm

I don't have a problem with her…from the neck down.

fuflans September 6, 2011 at 3:16 pm

this is not a star.

this is a whole galaxy.

Nostrildamus September 6, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Needs moar gorilla suit.

LakeLucilleLoon September 6, 2011 at 3:25 pm

I think DWTS should invite Casey Anthony too, you know, just to mess with Nancy.

timbo71351 September 6, 2011 at 3:35 pm

I'm hoping either Casey Anthony is a special guest judge, or someone has to drop out and she's brought in as a last minute replacement. I want to see Nancy Grace's skull explode.

LesBontemps September 6, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.
Please make Casey Anthony a judge. Please make Casey Anthony a judge.

SoBeach September 6, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Eh. I'd hit it.

Slim_Pickins September 6, 2011 at 3:39 pm

I didn't even know they had a heavyweight division on DWTS.

"The winner and still champion, …Nannnnncy….GGGGGGrace!"

Mort_Sinclair September 6, 2011 at 3:42 pm

I didn't see that coming. I really didn't. Layne, you're cruel.

MozakiBlocks September 6, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Now that just ain't right.

gurukalehuru September 6, 2011 at 3:51 pm

If her and Chaz get into the same elevator, they'd better be hoping to go down.

Thurman Munster IV September 6, 2011 at 4:34 pm

On the plus side, no interstellar aliens will attack us once they get the Nancy Grace broadcasts beamed to them in Alpha Centauri or whatever. It's too hideous, even for Ballchinians

prommie September 6, 2011 at 4:47 pm

She looks like Jay Leno in drag.

BornInATrailer September 6, 2011 at 5:00 pm

The most disturbing aspect of this is that she's actually wearing a one-piece swimsuit. That's aaaalllll carpet. And no, they do not match the drapes in quantity, length or color. Only in cut.

Limeylizzie September 6, 2011 at 5:58 pm

On behalf of the Women of Wonkette I would like to gift the men ,who may have been traumatized by her saggy breasts, some nice , really big tits from the one and only June Wilkinson, who coincidentally hails from the same town as I do. Clearly NSFW.

http://www.bigbreastarchive.com/alphabetical/june

ShaveTheWhales September 7, 2011 at 1:19 am

The Windmill was operating in 1957? I should have been more reverent.

DaRooster September 7, 2011 at 11:10 am

Thanks Lizzie…

Limeylizzie September 7, 2011 at 11:28 am

No problem, I love her, she made a whole career based on those magnificent orbs, much as I have done , here on the Wonkette.

ttommyunger September 7, 2011 at 1:58 pm

What gorgeous…..eyes.

Walkinwiddaking September 6, 2011 at 7:14 pm

One, ummm….full figured gal.

Chet Kincaid September 6, 2011 at 7:58 pm

The first song she and the bodybuilder who has to hurl her around should dance to should be "Shasta Beast" by the Eagles Of Death Metal. "Stop huffin' and a'puffin' like a Shasta beast," indeed.

lulzmonger September 7, 2011 at 1:42 am

RUN UNSEE.EXE

Dexter Linwood September 7, 2011 at 4:39 am

Nancy not-so-full-of Grace.

BTW, I have no qualms about making light (heavy?) of Nancy's physical mass. If we can make fun of Rush for being a fat, evil fuck, we can make fun of Nancy Graceless for the very same reasons.

Dexter Linwood September 7, 2011 at 4:58 am

I hope they hoist her into that dress properly. Because one mistaken wardrobe malfunction could take out the entire front row.

James Michael Curley September 7, 2011 at 6:08 am

Isn't that picture from the episode when Betty comes home to surprise Barney as a blonde and finds him doing it dino style with Fred?

ttommyunger September 7, 2011 at 2:01 pm

I don't watch that drek, but the missus wouldn't miss one gawdawful episode. Alls I can say is, she better wear her granny panties; otherwise if she falls they'll have to slide her over a manhole to get her on her feet again.

KenLayIsAlive September 7, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Good god. That's what holds up that screeching hate-filled goblin face?

Pristine_ODummy September 6, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Pray that I get a little more, before I have to shuffle off this mortal coil. I want to die knowing I got all the hot sex I possibly could on this earth!

Thanks, I am.

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