Illuminati Plan To Kill Off Texans Approved By Texas Lawmakers

A secret plan by the New World Order to kill off America's most dangerous people, the Texans, is moving forward as an actual law now that the Texas House of Representatives has approved an 85mph speed limit in the nation's second most populous state. Cloaked experts from the Council of Malthusian Relations announced from their Temple today that Texans may be reduced by as much as a third in the coming year. "They have high-speed roadways in Europe, and there could be some merit in having some of those highways in Texas," said Republican Rep. Lois Kolkhorst, who introduced the bill while reading from a glossy brochure provided to her by the Club of Rome's population reduction propaganda office.

Secret globalist and "former Democrat" Rick Perry is expected to approve the bill, as his goal is to kill off whatever Texans he cannot enslave in FEMA camps.

The AP bureau in Austin reports that even generally evil insurance companies are taken aback by the Republican plan to kill off the main source of Republican votes: drunken old white people driving terribly and not wearing seatbelts because they hate Ralph Nader.

"Obviously, the two things that kill most people on our highways are speed and alcohol. Increasing it to 85, or even 75, will have a dramatic impact on the death and injury rate on those highways where it's implemented," said Jerry Johns, a spokesman for the Southwestern Insurance Information Service.

The spokesman noted that Texans already speed way beyond the 70mph posted limit, so they'll probably think it's okay to drive over 90mph once the new signs go up. [ Statesman.com via Metafilter ]