compromises

Irene Victims Can Now Blame Continued Suffering On Troops In Iraq

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freedom is not freeAmerica is still recovering from that disgusting Hurricane Irene that came to town last weekend, which means that hurricane victims around the East Coast are still without electricity and, as a result, access to basic necessities, like Internet porn! This is the case in Vermont, “where flooding has cut off a dozen towns from the rest of the state and left thousands without access to electricity.” So why can’t Vermont just send in some helicopters and get these people hooked back up to their Netflix and diabetes medications? OH, INTERESTING, it is because all of Vermont’s helicopters are in Iraq, where America is engaged in a war of some sort. We can now probably blame Hurricane Irene devastation on the terrorists, so Obama wins, The End!

A bunch of helicopters from Illinois had to come in and save Vermont from having all its Ben & Jerry’s ice cream float away in Irene’s sewage, because all six Vermont Guard Black Hawk helicopters are in Iraq.

Eight helicopters on loan from the Illinois National Guard were expected to arrive Tuesday night in Vermont to help the Vermont National Guard deliver food, medicine, water and other supplies to 13 Vermont towns cut off from the rest of the state in the aftermath of Tropical Storm Irene.

The outside helicopter support is needed because all six of the Vermont Guard’s Black Hawk helicopters are still in Iraq, where they and 55 Vermont soldiers are wrapping up a yearlong hospital transport mission, said Lt. Lloyd Goodrow, spokesman for the Vermont Guard.

“We’d be in a very different scenario if they were here,” Goodrow said, referring to the Vermont Guard’s Black Hawk helicopters now in Iraq. Goodrow said the Guard has both a federal and a state mission and, thanks to the help from Illinois and New Hampshire, expects to be able to perform both functions.

So the helicopters couldn’t get to Vermont because of Iraq, which means that Iraq indirectly caused Hurricane Irene, prompting helicopters from Barack Obama’s home state (besides Kenya, of course) to come in and save the day. Where is Glenn Beck and his chalkboard of conspiracies when he is needed most? Good luck Vermont, and blame it on the troops. [ThinkProgress/Burlington Free Press]

About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

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Comments

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  • arihaya

    hurricane victims should just apologize to Cheney now

    • Negropolis

      Tearfully. Dont' forget tearfully apologize.

      • genxr

        Time for Condi to admit she was wrong.

  • Pragmatist2

    It's the least Vermonters could do to help in the ongoing search for WMDs – oh and the real killer in the OJ case.

    • Negropolis

      Oh, and where Joran Vander Sloot really hid the body?

  • Dudleydidwrong

    These hippie socialist states are all alike, sending help to the tired, poor, huddled masses yearning to breathe free in places like Iraq while their own people huddle in the cold rain unable to watch the Red Sox play the HATED YANKEES!

  • OneDollarJuana

    So in support of Vermont, I'm putting a mud-colored ribbon on my trunk.

    • DoktorThompson

      I'm going to drive my car into the river. For Vermont. And freedom.

    • MichelesPantalones

      How wrong would it be for me to admit that I laughed out loud at this?

    • flamingpdog

      I'd tie a yellow ribbon 'round the old oak tree except for the fact that the old oak tree is about ten miles downstream now.

      • Negropolis

        Tony Orlando Libel!

        • flamingpdog

          It's the Dawn of a new era.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Glenn Beck, you ask?

    Glenn Beck: "I Told You" That The Obama Administration "Would Do Everything They Could To Start Race Riots
    ~

  • the_problem_child

    I have nothing but love for Vermont. But could they have planned a bit better? What kind of knob state sends all of their domestic helicopters abroad?

    • zhubajie

      Probably they didn't have a choice, once Bush federalized their National Guard.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Yeah, thanks a LOT for invading Iraq, Obama!

    • Negropolis

      Somehow, we also have to work in blame for Clinton and Carter, too.

  • SexySmurf

    Liberal media gets it wrong again. Vermont doesn't have any helicopters because it's being punished for legalizing gay marriage.

    • MichelesPantalones

      You'd think those goddamn liberals would have the smarts to see that right away.

      Get a brain, MORANS!

  • fuflans

    People have to take responsibility for themselves. We need to get the housing industry going again. We don't need government intervening in every step.

    Eric Cantor

    • An_Outhouse

      Don't people in Vermont have boot straps?

      • user-of-owls

        Sure they do. And by happy coincidence, they are roughly the same size as Cantor's neck measurements!

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    The Vermont National Guard sounds a lot like the Lichenstein Army.

    • OzoneTom

      More like the Duchy of Grand Fenwick.

    • Negropolis

      Does the Socialist People's Republic of Vermont even have an army?

  • Arken

    Thanks again, Dubya.

  • hollywooddood

    Does Ron Paul know about this?

    • nounverb911

      Ron Paul? Isn't he the guy that let 10,000 Galvestonians die in the 1900 hurricane?

    • BTWBFDIMHO

      I doubt Ron knows something about something.

  • fuflans

    i don't know, if i were vermont, i'd be very very worried about whatever the hell IL was bringing in.

    rahm doesn't do favors lightly.

    • littlebigdaddy

      At least it's not Blago. I've got these helicopters and they're fucking valuable things.

      • Negropolis

        You just don't give shit away like this for free. They're fuckin' golden.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Don't get ahead of yourselves, he's just the mayor.

      And let's bury the myth of the Terrifying Rahm, shall we? He may have been a mafioso under Clinton, and may yet rule with an iron fist in Chicago, but his recent pirouette through Washington wasn't exactly Corleone-worthy.

      • fuflans

        well you're right of course, but 'pat quinn' doesn't make a very funny punchline.

        (and i'm curious to see how iron fist-y he'll be…)

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          Sorry to step on your funny, fufie!

  • Radiotherapy®

    This shit happens when your pussy socialist Senator is Bernie Sanders.

    • user-of-owls

      If you are very, very lucky, Bernie was distracted by the devastation and didn't hear that crack.

      If not, well Radio, it's been a real pleasure knowing you. Such a shame no one ever pulled you aside and showed you the pictures of the mass graves of people who called Bernie a pussy,

  • fuflans

    freedom is not free and no one really has a buck o' five anymore.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Illinois and New Hampshire should definitely tell Vermont to go away and learn a lesson about how states are supposed to take care of their own.

    People may drown, infrastructure may be permanently destroyed, but Vermont will be a better, stronger state when all of this is sorted out.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Worst episode of "Newhart" ever.

  • stopthemovie

    where are them black UN choppers when you need them ?

  • arihaya

    the Illinois' helicopter rental and fuel cost will be paid in Ben & Jerry shipment

    • littlebigdaddy

      Cherry Garcia or GTFO.

      • genxr

        Phish Food or this bird doesn't fly.

  • Troubledog

    Rick Perry already has all the maple syrup he needs.

    • iburl

      In Texas we call it syzurp.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Fighting the hurricanes over there so we won't have to fight them here…

    • bagofmice

      Chop chop chop!

  • iburl

    Helicopters? Why don't they use drones to deliver supplies? Oh yeah, they are only programmed to kill. We just don't have the money to spend on technology that helps people live, only to help them die.

  • Mahousu

    So all of Vermont's helicopters have been gone for a year? We are incredibly lucky that Canada did not take advantage of the situation.

    Think about it – if Canada took over Vermont, they would have a stranglehold on maple syrup supplies. Vital American interests like IHOP would be at their mercy.

    • DoktorThompson

      Vermont's not part of Canada?

    • Schmannnity

      Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity® in the hands of the godless Canucks.

    • MissusBarry

      Eh, I doubt IHOP serves the real stuff.

  • Schmannnity

    Does the Vermont National Guard have ostrich plume hats and weed in their MREs?

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Eight helicopters on loan from the Illinois National Guard were expected to arrive Tuesday night in Vermont to help

    Funny, that. Last night I learned Virginia has been 'importing' its electric service repair crews from Illinois and other states because Dominion Power sent *all* its ducks down to North Carolina, presumably because they only had enough staff to manage repairs to its customers in one state (Dominion serves both VA and NC).

    Maybe Illinois fix-it teams will prove more intelligent, I hope: the same friend sharing this had just been up on a ladder to examine the pole where the transformer blew behind his place cause they've been told not to expect repair work from Dominion til Friday. Where the blown wires had been secured then loosened from a turbulence-jostled panel of sorts? the panel space showed holes he'd expected to see screw marks like what you'd hope would rivet something in place… instead they were clean-edged holes as if *nailed* in instead.. His opinion: less than stellar workmanship. My conclsuion: Between that and being understaffed — keeping in mind vast destruction occurs only so often, but not even one crew of its own left to the Virginians without power? — is telling of a utility's very profitable enterprise in a non-competitive setting and its preference to minimize certain costs to maximize its gain.

    • emmelemm

      Never question the free market!

    • MissusBarry

      And, largely, folks with Dominion are still way better off than folks with Pepco. The free market is relative.

      • bagofmice

        Like my brother says.

      • James Michael Curley

        I prefer Coca-Cola over Pepco.

    • SayItWithWookies

      To be fair, wherever Dom's workers were stationed, there weren't gonna be enough of them to clean up after this. The shoddy workmanship's another matter entirely, but power companies are always dependent on each other for disaster relief, socialistic as that may seem.

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        Understandably so. I'm aware folks like him get fed up when they're making do without, and learning for the first time how this all works. The upside is that jobs-creator Irene has kept him busy w/ extra influx of odd jobs he depends on, like hauling away residents' fallen tree debris and cutting half-broke off limbs, so the voiced frustration isn't for lack of opportunity to take advantage of bigger entities' slowed-up mobilization either.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Dominionist Power is a faith-based enterprise. Clearly there are not enough Prayer Warriors on-staff for demand. Petition the Lord's Messenger, Rick Perry, for a miracle.

  • Schmannnity

    Wait until Vermont finds out that Blagojevich sold the helicopters in 2008. They are fucking valuable things!

  • AlterNewt

    So…'Blackhawk downeaster' then?

  • salt_bagel

    Stupid IL and NH. Ice cream's all fucking melted by now.

  • Blendergoathead

    Fuck the ice cream; will there still be maple syrup?

  • SayItWithWookies

    It's tough now, especially for Vermonters, but it'll all be worth it once Iraq, out of gratitude, gives us all their oil.

    • Negropolis

      Boy, haven't heard that one in years. That's one of the Bush administration's greatest hits.

      • SayItWithWookies

        Oh, Donald Trump revived it for a little while. Went as far as the rest of his campaign though.

  • fuflans

    great they're all back and it's all started again and the media is like a pig in shit.

    i'm going to watch something by tarantino now.

  • HolyCow!!

    Wouldn't it be great if the Republicans' wet dreams come true and the states have to clean up their own damn hurricanes? No choppers? Too bad.

    • MichelesPantalones

      That could put an end to the war.

    • PubOption

      Imagine what would happen if a red state had to borrow helicopters, and some were painted black.

      • HolyCow!!

        Right-wing heads explode nationwide.

  • DahBoner

    We gotta spend billions for Bush's Wars but we don't want to waste the money by helping Americans?

    • zhubajie

      The Real Americans are Bush and a few pals!

  • MissusBarry

    There's a lot of geography between Vermont and Illinois…guess NY, PA, OH, and IN's helicopters were all busy. And, of course, the rest of New England's. Quebec saying fuck 'em is understandable, because it's Quebec.

  • mourningnmerica

    I'm confused. I thought "They're all heroes."

  • user-of-owls

    Given how much aviation fuel costs, I'm guessing just the flights of the 8 IL helicopters to VT along is going to give that shrill vole Cantor the opportunity to personally dynamite 11 Walk-In Medical Clinics, to strangle with his own hands the 48 kittens and puppies at the Madison Lake Animal Shelter and to stamp DENIED on the FEMA applications of Irene victims while cackling, "Sorry, tee hee, not enough offsets to cover YOU!"

    • unclejeems

      I love that word, "vole." Reminds me of this cartoon http://www.swapmeetdave.com/Humor/Cats/Voles.htm . Also reminds me of the Republican House leadership, so right on.

    • genxr

      Next time Cantor flies home from DC, just fill the plane with half as much fuel as normal. That should make up for a few things.

  • glamourdammerung

    But Obama was supposed to wait several days to authorize the National Guard from another state to go in, then have his sycophants claim it was the governor's fault for "not asking for the help" even though they demonstrably did just that. After all, that is what Bush did.

  • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    Black Hawks fly in, Black Hawks fly out…

    • mumbly_joe

      Back Hawks go up, Black Hawks down, you can't explain it!

      (too soon?)

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Make sure the Vermonters have the Support Our Troops ribbon on the back of their kayaks.

  • Angry_Marmot

    Damn, that war in Iraq is like one of those network shows that no one watches and you're surprised to hear it's still in production.

    • BarackMyWorld

      2 1/2 Wars.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    They will come in just like in Apocalypse Now, except instead of blasting Wagner it will be Phish.

    • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      "I love the smell of waffles in the morning…"

    • zhubajie

      Most Republicans are counting on the Apocalypse to solve all their problems. What about Cantor, though?

    • genxr

      Charlie don't hacky sack!

  • BarackMyWorld

    You know who else that no one thought had a military ended up sending it into other countries?

    • zhubajie

      Mongolia.

    • flamingpdog

      Blackwater USA?

    • Negropolis

      Saddam "So Damn Insane" Hussein?

    • genxr

      Petoria?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Rhythm Nation 1814?

  • chascates

    Just as long as you call it Hurricane Irene, rather than Haboob Irene.

  • pinkocommi

    Funny… I would have thought the people up in Vermont would be used to being isolated from the rest of civilization by now.

  • pinkocommi

    "all six Vermont Guard Black Hawk helicopters are in Iraq…."

    This phrase made me imagine how many Vermont Guard Black Hawk helicopters there would be if good ol' lone-Socialist Senator Bernie Sanders were President. The people of Vermont affected by the flooding would still be screwed though.

  • zhubajie

    I'm sure that there are end times preachers in Iraq (Syria, Turkey, Iran) saying the hurricane is divine punishment on the US for their injustices in Iraq

  • flamingpdog

    Metzger said he was on one of the Lakota flights Tuesday and managed to deliver two boxes of MREs, or ready-to-eat meals, to Rochester one of the towns with no road access to the outside. Each box contained 24 of the meals. Rochester has about 1,100 residents.

    48 meals for 1,100 residents? Is Jesus going to fly in on the next helicopter and turn them into enough fish and loaves of bread for everyone, or is this Michelle Obama's stealth plan to slim down all the kidz in town?

    • Negropolis

      You forget that this is Vermont. They need fewer calories than the REAL Americans, what with being so healthy and all.

  • Warpde

    Oh God!!!!
    Don't say there's no Internet porn available!
    Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!
    No, no, no,….la, la, la,la, I can't hear you, la, la, la.
    Wait, I gotta check……………
    Come on xnxx, load, load, come on damn you LOA……………Oh thank you Jesus, thank you God, thank you 18 year old taking her top off………
    Sorry, um, I've gotta go.
    Forgot I need to do some laundry…….mmmmmm…laundry.

  • not that Dewey

    Won't someone please think of the Teddy Bears!?!?

  • Negropolis

    The patriotic REAL American in me says that this means that we should bomb Iraq, but the pinko-commie American in me remembers that we've already bombed it. So, what is the exceptionally American solution to this? Bomb it again for good measure? Bring the Helicopter-Americans back home?

    BTW, has anyone checked on Bernie Sanders?! The man's a national treasure.

    • James Michael Curley

      Bernie Sanders must have been in DC. Or else Irene would have turned right at Battleboro and headed out to sea by way of Nashua.

    • mumbly_joe

      Well, Jon Bolton is pretty sure we can solve this by bombing Iran.

  • Negropolis

    Is it too soon to make a joke about Ben & Jerry's most recent flavor; Green Mountain Mudslide?

    Yeah, my path to hell hasn't just been trailblazed and then paved, but they're putting in curb-and-gutters this week, I hear.

    • flamingpdog

      Gotta save this one for my frenz at the DOT. Thanks.

  • genxr

    Oh, are we still in Iraq?

  • ttommyunger

    Vermont? Hell, Atlanta is going to play Hell cleaning up all this Newsman/Weatherman Spluge oozing out of CNN's Headquarters downtown.

  • BlueStateLibel

    So when they actually DO come to fight us over here, all the helicopters and troops will be in Iraq, too.

  • Terry

    Funny that those helicopters are in Iraq, given that that war has been over for months and troops were pulled out.

    • Negropolis

      LOL!

  • Major Thom

    Chris Christie has a few choppers he could loan them now that little league season is over.

  • DaRooster

    Don't ask Jersey for a chopper… they're all on call for Christie to go to Arby's… Fuckin' Arby's bitches!

  • sati_demise

    um, just one quibble, Vermont has REAL food, and real farmers who make real food.

    I have not seen one obesity hauling scooter there