God would not have made oil if He did not want us to destroy the Earth using it, man.Shrill caustic harpie Michele Bachmann is so excited to destroy any rare ecosystem at all with her maniacal dream of drilling gaping holes into the country’s environmental preserves that she (predictably) forgot to check her Everglades National Park treasure map to see whether there was actually any oil buried under her latest senseless target to justify the pretext. Whose fault is that? The terrible godless scientists, as usual. University of South Florida geologist Dr. Albert Hine notes, “There is no known evidence that there is a significant hydrocarbon deposit beneath the Everglades.” To which Michele said: “The radical environmentalists put up one road block after another to prevent accessing American energy.” Just because there isn’t any oil there doesn’t mean Michelle Bachmann can’t drill for oil there. God told her to!

Michele’s randomly constructed rationale for the proposed desecration of God’s remaining beautiful wild spaces is ironically the argument that God hid oil under the Everglades so Michele could rip it out.

From WTSP:

Tuesday, a CBS reporter in Miami confronted Bachmann about her call for drilling, asking, “Why would you invade that natural resource with gas and oil drilling?” Bachmann responded, “Let’s access this wonderful treasure trove of energy that God has given us in this country. Let’s access it responsibly.”

And even Allen West thinks this is insane. Hoooo-weeee! [WSTP]

Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • nounverb911

    I'd rather see Marcus drill Santorum for the oil that is in there.

  • nounverb911

    "Let’s access it responsibly."
    A republican taking responsibility? Their heads would explode.

    • baconzgood

      The responsibility is to BP's and Texaco's quarterly statments, not to the citizenry.

    • emmelemm

      Let's do it responsibly, while eliminating the EPA. {head explodes}

      ETA: That's MY head exploding.

    • Not_So_Much

      Not sure if 'accessing it responsibly' means wearing a condom during the swamp-rape or just paying off/killing non-patriots that show dead baby sea turtles to MSNBC?

    • Jukesgrrl

      Baggers love responsibility, until they find out what it costs. Then they demand that God take care of it.

  • DrunkIrishman

    Drilling for something that isn't there…kinda like drilling into her head to see if anything's inside.

    • nounverb911

      The world would implode from the giant vacuum.

  • Barb

    Can she give an answer that doesn't have the word "God" in it? God damned.

    • nounverb911

      I bet shes never said "OH GOD!" to Marcus.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Unless it was in response to seeing how good he looks in her dresses.

        • MichelesPantalones
          • poncho_pilot

            disturbingly accurate.

          • MichelesPantalones

            Michele Bachmann as only Sara Benincasa can do her. Full-on KrayKray.

          • DashboardBuddha

            Jesus Bug Eyed Christ…how does she do that with her eyes?

          • MichelesPantalones

            She's good, isn't she?

          • Dashboard_Jesus

            I think her eyeballs must be double-jointed, or it's the lizard person inside tryin' to get OUT!

          • MichelesPantalones

            Dood, I don't think eyeballs, like, have joints?

          • DashboardBuddha

            Oh yeah…then how come folks get Chinese eyes after smoking a joint?!

          • Dashboard_Jesus

            well maybe LIZARDS do?

          • Pristine_ODummy

            Lizard have jointed eyeballs, or lizards have joints? Because, yaknow,if I'm gonna be seeing weed-smoking lizards hangin' around …

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      God knows she can't very well give a God damned answer to any question asked by a God-fearing citizen without putting the word 'God' in it, as is her God-given right.

    • WhatTheHeck

      One question. Is “God dammed” hyphenated or is it not “God-dammed” hyphenated?

  • elviouslyqueer

    If I were Freudian, I would read Michele's rapacious calls for drilling anywhere and everywhere as a barely disguised substitute for the drilling she's obviously not getting from Marcus.

    Oh shit, I don't even need Freud to tell me this.

    • Sometimes a giant drilling rig is just a penis I MEAN A GIANT DRILLING RIG!.

      • SorosBot

        And she wants the drilling boring holes into America's dick Florida; I think maybe Marcus came up with this idea.

        • GhostBuggy

          Aren't the Everglades at the southern end of the state? I guess you could say he just wants to pierce Florida's tip for Michele's pleasure.

          …I think I'm gonna throw up.

        • genxr

          "Marcus, why are you fondling that map of Florida? Is it because there's oil there? You're a genius. Wait until I tell the voters."

          • jus_wonderin

            Wait, wait, wait, does that mean Marcus will teabag Louisiana???

    • MichelesPantalones

      Pretty much, yeah.

  • JerkCade

    Maybe she meant drill holes in the 'gators and squeeze them for their valuable reptile oils.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      'Valuable Reptile Oils' would make a great band name.

    • jodyleek

      Lizard People do NOT approve this message!

      • Dashboard_Jesus

        but I hear gator oil does wonders for the Lizard people's skin, er scales?

  • jakegittes

    "'When I see her next week, I’ll straighten her out about that,' West said of the Minnesota congresswoman." Well, that's something that Marcus wouldn't be able to do, that's for sure.

    • MichelesPantalones

      Knowing Allen, he wil leap across any intervening furniture screaming "Hai-YAAH!" as he buries his fangs in her neck-tendons. Wonder if I have enough miles for a ticket to FL?

      • jakegittes

        One piece of advice for Shelly, though: "When you go black, you ain't never going back."

        • MichelesPantalones

          Hon, it don't matter what colour it is long as she gets that drilling she's been waiting for nigh on forty years now.

          • Dashboard_Jesus

            I love it when you talk 'old school"

          • MichelesPantalones

            I can't help it, dood, I R Teh Oldz.

    • kissawookiee

      I'd be more impressed if Allen West could straighten Marcus out.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Silly Wonkette. God told her to do it, and God knows much more than any commie scientist.

    Why do you hate God so?

  • terriblyfamous

    Is it like Schroedinger's oil? We can't know it's not there until we drill for it?

    • And it is better at hiding than the Higg's.

  • HelmutNewton

    No wonder she wants to drill for things that aren't there, being married to Marcus and all.

  • God is quite the prankster. He's so funny when He hides things.

    • BornInATrailer

      He works in mysterious ways.

      • chicken_thief

        Starting with that piece of work that goes by One L…

      • Yeah, like oil in the Everglades! Nobody would check there, right?
        Ohhh, that God.

      • Radiotherapy®

        It always cracks me up when you realize he put those dinosaur bones out there just to fuck with us .You Were Punked!


      Yes, why He has to hide oil like that, even under the oceans? Oh, I see, he owns BP stock!

  • SorosBot

    Hey, there may be no evidence that there's oil in the Everglades, but who knows, there could be some there that geologists just have failed to detect, so it would be irresponsible not to drill the shit out of them on off-chance that just maybe we might get some.

    • And let's not forget drill baby, drill in Stillwater, MN.

      • Radiotherapy®

        Is there any evidence there is not oil right under ground zero?

        • iburl

          evidence is for socialists.

      • mumbly_joe

        Drilling for oil in Lake Peigneur worked out just fine, didn't it?

        (oh, as an entertaining epilogue to that episode, AGL is now using the former-salt-mine salt dome to store pressurized natural gas, and yes, they're still drilling for oil right above it. What could possibly go wrong???)

    • God put it there and hid all the geologic evidence, just to fool the scientists and test our faith.

      • SorosBot

        Based on her statements, it sounds like she really believes there must be a lot more oil in the United States, because oil comes from god (none of this organic remains decomposing under high pressure and heat over millions of years, the Earth's just 6000 years old to her) and America is god's most favoritest country of all and so he must have given us the most.

        • DaRooster

          Then why would God give any oil to all them Islam countries? Doesn't he hate them like we are supposed to?

    • chicken_thief

      Fuck it, why not? – it's tax deductible.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You know, if we keep drilling where there is no oil, we will have this problem solved in no time. Just look how well it went when we went after WMD that were not there. Have we had any problems with Iraqi nukes since 2003?

  • baconzgood

    "no known evidence that there is a significant hydrocarbon deposit"


    • gvvt

      And what's the deal with hydrocarbons? We're looking for OIL, Mr. PointyHydrocarbonDepositHead.

  • Urban_Achiever

    ACCESS baby ACCESS!!

  • mereoblivion

    Oil can what?

  • BornInATrailer

    There is nothing quite like first press alligator oil. I fry my condor eggs in it.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Have you tried sauteing spotted owl slices in alligator oil? Yummers!

      • MissusBarry

        Why do you hate User of Owls?

  • Lascauxcaveman

    They should just go ahead a drill for it now, since in 50 years, it'll be offshore drilling, which is more expensive and problematic.

    (Global Warming: Buh-bye, Florida.)

  • Sue4466

    "Geology" is just a theory. We must trust God and "intelligent oil."

    • mumbly_joe

      But combustion's just a theory, too. Why do we even need any feeking oil, if we have God? I hear there's a story in the Jew-bible about God making their oil last forever, after all.

      • Jukesgrrl

        Shelly don't read no Jew-Bible. Just the Jeebus-Bible.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    “Let’s access this wonderful treasure trove of energy that God has given us in this country. Let’s access it responsibly.”

    Freaking hippie- socialist. God clearly gave it to us to do whatever the f*** we want with it, responsibly or not. If we want to fill the entire Everglades with putrid oil deposits just to make a point, it is our God-given right.

    • Jukesgrrl

      "And if I can make a few pairs of stylish shoes out of the dead alligators, maybe that damn Huffington Post will get off my back."

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      and we all say AMEN!

  • fuflans

    michele honey there's something shiny and untaxed and unregulated over in that corner by canada. would you mind keeping your batshit gaze focused on it for the foreseeable future?


    89% of america.

    • MichelesPantalones

      Don't play down the numbers like that, fuflans. Go ahead. Give us the REAL numbers. We can handle it.

    • Willow and Piper? Oh, I thought you said "unwaxed."

  • baconzgood

    Wait a sec here. Oil is from the dinosaur time….but if God put it there and there never was a dinosaur time….but evolution…God….ID….fossil fuels? No fossils…WTF?!?!?!

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      That's the best thing about God…you don't need reason to explain anything he does.

    • nonbeliever7

      /head explodes/
      /Cheney smiles/

      • Dashboard_Jesus

        damn beat me to it (by 7 hours or so, I don't get to commentatin' til after my late shift at the hospital (and after the wine starts kickin' in) that's why my lil p-ness is STUCK on 94!

        • MichelesPantalones

          I don't understand how p-ness works. What, if you comment early, your p-ness grows? I thought upfisting grew your p-ness?

          Tell me what the theory is, and I promise to upfist you whenever I see you.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Count the upfists on the earliest posts… you miss all the traffic if you're late to the party.

          • MichelesPantalones

            So original comments get more upfists than responses thereto, just by virture of being first?

            Thanks, Biely. You're a gentleperson, and a Prince … of Darkness, but still.

          • Dashboard_Jesus

            yep, story of my life, ALWAYS late to the party…but as my dear old Irish Dad used to say, better to arrive late than not at all!

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Well, there are some parties you do want to be late to … like mine, for instance.

          • Dashboard_Jesus

            well of course, I hear you're parties are HOT! :)

          • Dashboard_Jesus

            well I guess my *theory* is that the earlier you comment on a given Wonkette post the more likely fellow Wonketteers are to see it and thus possibly upfist your p-ness (of course that's only if it meets the high standards of snarkiness, which I don't seem to have, at least on the level seen by the Wizards of Wonk!) It's ok tho, I so enjoy readin' the brilliant, insightful comments by you BIG p-ness folks, plus I'm lucky to be a librul and as such ain't too insecure about my p-ness size, unlike some tiny p-ness right wing trolls…plus I usually been drinkin' by the time I get here so it's ALL shit's n' giggles to me…and thanks for any fists sent my way…also, too :)

          • Pristine_ODummy

            I think you're pretty snarky/funny/brilliant. I always look for your comments.

            It seems to be a matter of some incomprehensible formula involving posting early comments and p-ness being improved by the number of replies to each comment and the number of readers who click to read the replies. I've noticed that when I click on a comment to read the replies, the original commenter's + points increase by 1-2.

            Oh, well. Who cares. I'm curious about the formula used but not curious enough to do anything about it.

  • hagajim

    Obviously li'l Miche had a terrible time passing her geology classes. Doesn't she think Exxon would have 100,000 rigs in the Everglades pumping that bitch as dry as a bone – if there was anything to drill for? Dumb cunt.

  • Troglodeity

    "Did I say Everglades? I meant the Grand Canyon."

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      'Did I say Grand Canyon? I meant Yosemite.'

      • Nothingisamiss

        At least we'd get all those bear and wolf bastards out of there. DRILL BABY DRILL!!!!!!!!!!

      • DaRooster

        I think she should personally poke around Old Faithful for a few hours with a stick… check it out Chele.

      • "Semite?" See, they were right after all!

  • Mahousu

    There may not be any oil in the Everglades now, but just give BP some time and I'm sure they'll get some there.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      You'd have to give them, oh, 8-10 million years, but yeah, eventually, there'll be oil there. That's the problem when you talk to God: time means nothing to the guy.

  • GlowneyHouse

    If God is responsible for who gets the oil, then he loves the Arabs, tolerates us and despises Israel.

  • Poindexter718

    The joke's on you, libtards: No oil, no oil spills. That's responsible access.

    • SorosBot

      Just a bunch of holes in the ground, ruined wetlands and oil company employees eaten by alligators.

    • emmelemm

      You just blew my mind!

    • AJWjr.

      And the beauty is, the exploration companies get paid just the same, whether they find oil or don't!

  • Goonemeritus

    God put millionaires and billionaires on Earth too so should we be able to harvest them for tax dollars? It goes without saying we will be responsible and call in the morning and send flowers and such.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    “Let’s access this wonderful treasure trove of energy that God has given us in this country. Let’s access it responsibly.”

    Obviously, the power of the sun and wind is of Satan.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Not my department, really. I work in H.R.

      • MichelesPantalones

        I thought you ran the joint. No?

        I'm crushed, I tell you, crushed.

    • Swampgas_Man

      It MUST be diabolic, because the Kochs don't already own the sun or the wind.


    Shrill baby, Shrill!

  • tihond

    Maybe if we tell her there's oil on the moon, she'll be part of the exploratory committee.

    • jodyleek

      If we could send Bachmann to the moon, why couldn't we send all the Republidorks to the moon?

    • nappyduggs

      That ought to do it. As it is, she's been antsy to go up there to see if it is really made of cheese.

  • metamarcisf

    So Bachmann is okay with getting drilled in the Florida Everglades…

  • SayItWithWookies

    Well if there's no oil there, we can just strip mine it for the coal.

    • Ducksworthy

      Yes. This has nothing to do with energy. Its about messing up wilderness for the sake of messing it up. Lets drill for something in Yellowstone. I'll be there a lot of hot water under there.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Let’s access it responsibly.

    Strangely enough, that is what Michele said to Marcus the last time they were in bed together.

  • OkieDokieDog

    Sure there's oil in Florida. Lots of tourists spill their suntan oil on the beaches every summer.

  • BornInATrailer

    Marcus's neglect of Michele has clear driven her to hysteria and the desire to "drill" any where, any time.

  • baconzgood

    Me and a friend agreed a bit ago that every time she said somthing where she just makes up shit we'd get together that night and get bombed. He's been sleeping on my couch for 6 weeks straight.

    • nappyduggs

      Marcus has been sleeping on the couch for thirty years.

      • BornInATrailer

        Doubtful. He's probably sleeping in the big canopy bed with the extra frilly dust ruffle. Michele is on the couch in a hair nightshirt.

      • baconzgood

        Do you blame him? Her hoo-ha smells like a junk yard dog carcass rotting in the July sun.

        • mayor_quimby

          Ouch, that made my nuts shrink 3 sizes. Such imagery.

  • AlterNewt

    I'm worried about the glitter shortage.

  • pinkocommi

    "Michele said: 'The radical environmentalists put up one road block after another to prevent accessing American energy.'"

    You know, Michelle, let's talk about the meaning of the words you use. "Radical environmentalists" wouldn't allow you to dril for oil at all. Anywhere. Period.

    Reasonable environmentalists reluctantly accept some drilling, as a practical fact of life, but still want to take measures to avoid poisoning people, bespoiling pristine and scenic land, and killing massive quantities of flora and fauna in the process. Most people are reasonable environmentalists.

    You however apparently are one of those people who thinks it is okay to shit where you sleep, which makes you an idiot.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      You know, I've never understood these people who want to save every baby from abortion but don't give a damn about what kind of polluted, resource-less earth they leave those precious snowflakes.

      • finallyhappy

        Ahh, your mistake is that they only want to save the fetus- once it is born, it is on its own.

    • emmelemm

      I made a reply to you. It was a nice reply and had substance. It got "deleted by the administrator." I do not know what word(s) in it made it go bye-bye. I has a sad.

      • BornInATrailer

        Did it have the word r-e-t-a-r-d-e-d in it? I'm still flabbergasted that is blocked. That is like bread -n- butter for this site. Retard is still allowed though, as is 'tard.

        • nonbeliever7

          Well that's certainly retarrrr…oops,…. fucked up.

        • emmelemm

          CRAP! I replied again and it looked like it didn't get vaporized, but it did.

          Can't win.

          No, it didn't have the word r-e-t..etc. in it.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        It's hard to write about Bachmann without using the forbidden word "re†ard". There may be a few others as well; let us know if you find out.

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          How about cunt? Is cunt still good?

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Seems to be. But I keep getting hammered trying to post a reply here, even when I've cleaned it up to a G rating. Our cybernanny is in a pissy mood today, I guess.

          • finallyhappy

            Personally – fuck and its relatives are fine by me but I really do not like the R word

          • LowProfileinGA

            Don't use it.

          • To quote Keith Stone,


  • Stick with what you know, Michele. Mining you holy bible's pages for what isn't there.

  • hollywooddood

    All this talk about drilling is what keeps the Nascar dads tumescent and voting with their boners. Duh.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Wait a minute… if there's no oil in the Everglades, then why are they protected, huh? There must be something there to protect that is worth moneez.

    • nappyduggs

      Well, yeah. Where do you think that socialist pimp Obama gets the skinz to make his thousands of pairs of gator shoes?

    • finallyhappy

      also a great many burmese pythons lets loose by the idiots who bought them. The pythons are destroying the ecosystem of the Glades -I hear they also make great shoes, bags and wallets- maybe luggage as they are so big.

      • emmelemm

        Have you been watching Billy the Exterminator?

  • Pragmatist2

    Yes and Moses didn't think he could get water out of the rock either.
    Remember Jesus and the water and wine trick???
    Praise the Lord! She is going to turn swampwater in to oil!!!!

  • El Pinche

    I hereby propose we drill Michelle's head for natural gas. Let’s access this wonderful treasure trove of pig shit that God has given us in that pill-popping idiot.

  • Maybe they'll find the rest of that Valu-Jet.

    • littlebigdaddy

      too soon!

  • Steverino247

    What a maroon!

    • SorosBot

      Now, this is just mildly annoying unlike some of the trolls, but why hasn't this spambot been banned yet?

      • cobweb2

        probably because nobody else has been sucked into clicking on the link. I have no idea what is there but suspected it might make me throw up in my mouth so I went to your reply for a review! Thanks for sparing me!

        • SorosBot

          It's some blog in a some non-English language, I can't tell which (so it's not French or Spanish) except that it also uses Latin letters. And it's very basic looking. I have no idea what the point is.

      • gvvt

        Well, I clicked and the stuff there makes at least as much sense as any "god news" out there… My computer will probably burst into flames later tonight.

  • These fucktards would drill in their own backyard to get the most out of their snowmobiles and SUVs before the rapture.

    A question answered in the affirmative that should disqualify anyone from elected office:

    Do you believe the rapture will occur in your lifetime?

    • Steverino247

      Only those answering "What's the Rapture?" should be allowed to proceed to the next testing station.

  • Do our beloved politicians get to tap an ego depletion allowance when their crazy rants, silly suppositions, or preposterous propositions get called for what they are?

  • user-of-owls

    "Bachmann's team says she is at the forefront of a new approach to energy policy: faith-based hydrocarbon extraction practices. When the candidate herself put forward a plan to drill blue skies for lignite coal, her proposal was met with some skepticism in scientific circles. She responded to her critics by saying, "Once more, these high-paid government bureaucrat scientists are simply standing in the way of American exceptionalism. Remember the story of Icarus? When all the so-called 'experts' told him not to fly too close to the sun, did he just give up and quit? NO! And neither should we! Someday, we want to be remembered for our boldness and courage the same way Icarus is!" At that point, the press conference ended, leaving a room full of reporters and Bachmann handlers alike, 'looking like a mob of people who'd just had their jaws surgically unhinged,' according to one attendee."

  • littlebigdaddy

    Hey one-L, why don't you drill into the gas line in your backyard–it's got proven BTUs.

  • DemonicRage

    She is going to surprise the Republican Convention by announcing that Gadaffi is going to be her running mate. I mean, you can just see that coming, with all her other directly-on-target, clearly focussed pronouncements of late.

  • henrypuppyhead

    She's goin' all Herman Melville up in this biatch!! Alligator oil is our future!

  • DaRooster

    “Let’s access this wonderful treasure trove of energy that God has given us in this country. Let’s access it responsibly.”

    I think God gave it to the Indians first… but God did give us the power to basically eradicate them from the face of the Earth… so there.

  • johnnymeatworth

    If you yell at the Popeye's cashier long enough they HAVE to sell you a Big Mac, right? The customer IS always right!!!

    • henrypuppyhead

      If you're in my neighborhood the cashier just punches you in the face. Makes one think.

      • poncho_pilot


        • henrypuppyhead


    • DashboardBuddha

      Or in Michele's case, the customer is always white.

  • MinAgain

    Meanwhile, God looks over at the Archangel Michael and asks, "Can you believe this bitch?"

  • DaRooster

    Hey lady!! Quit blaming your nuttjobiness on God… trust me, he did not think you and your friends were coming and gonna be all,"God said we should do this raping of the planet" or "God thinks we should kill all the brown people" shit. That is truly NOT what he was all about… get a FUCKING grip Bitch!

  • jus_wonderin

    Okay, it could be she is confusing Everglades with Glade Everfresh scented candles. Those have plenty of petroleum in them.

  • genxr

    Radical environmentalists. Preventing us from extracting oil from where it doesn't exist.

    I wish that were snark, instead of paraphrasing.

  • crybabyboehner

    Nobody ever lost a recipe contest by using too much lard. You stick to your guns, honey!

  • Neoyorquino

    Her maniacal dream of drilling gaping holes? Congresswoman Bachmann, I'd like you to meet Senator Roberto Arango . . . I think you two can help each other out.

  • Fox n Fiends

    There is also oil under Manhattan, all of Long Island, Malibu Beach, Aspen Colorado, New Canaan CT…..lets drill there FIRST, m'kay?

    • Jukesgrrl

      Anyplace where Cheney lives?

  • genxr

    Don't forget that the Gulf of Mexico is full of tar sands now. That's a valuable energy resource.

    • gvvt

      There was a letter in the Burlington paper the other day explaining that if we don't build a tar-sand oil pipeline through northeastern Vermont, the US will be forced to go to war in the middle east…

  • lochnessmonster

    Bachmann is all about smaller government by calling for the creation for a new Department of OIL that can harvest "our" resources.

  • mavenmaven

    Well, I kinda want to do some drilling down there myself after opening the link below that story…

  • occams8ball

    FYI, just the other day I was shooting at some food, and up from the ground came a-bubbling crude. (Oil, that is.)

    • poncho_pilot

      black gold?

    • DashboardBuddha

      Next thing you know ol' 'Cheles in the race
      if she doesn't take her pills she becomes a basket case
      Wonketeers said let's hope the crazy never fades
      So she packed up a rig and went drillin' in the 'glades

      Ever that is…alligators, fresh water supply

      • gvvt

        Bravo Mr Buddha!

    • This reminds me that every time Rachel Maddow gets to the end of a sentence, I expect her to append, "Mr. Clampett".

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Allen West said he was going to "straighten her out about that" when he sees her next week. lulz.

  • Rotundo_

    It actually is a good thing that Michele doesn't filter out the crazy: Imagine if she played reasonable and coherent (maybe just a little heavy on the Jeeezussy side) and managed to seem not crazy and managed to make it to the presidency and then unleased the voices in her head at the podium after having taken the oath of office. The exploding heads would be like something out of Mars Attacks only without the Slim Whitman tunes. Now, if for some reason the crazy bitch gets elected, we at least know what we're in for.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Once upon at time, there was a vice-chairman of a major oil company that no longer exists (think transmissions and add an O). He believed that the more holes you drilled, the more oil you found. Sadly, that turned out not to be the case. Perhaps, he now consults for the Bachmann campaign.


    Dril, Michele, Dril!

    • Radiotherapy®

      After all, she is afraid of L's.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba


  • Radiotherapy®

    You know who else was obsessed with oil but didn't have much underfoot?

  • Tommmcattt

    At this point Wonket should just start reporting when Michelle gets a fact right. This way I don't have to look at her face as often.

    She's no Kitty Harris, that's for sure.

  • Guppy06

    Everglades? Isn't that where John Wayne lives?

  • bflrtsplk

    Well, gosh darn it sayeth Michmele "Bats in the Belfry," let us prayeth to our Savior to put some oil down there so we can drill for it.

  • Anyone check to see if she's had any holes drilled through her brain?

    • DashboardBuddha

      You're thinking about Bristle's next kid, Trepannation.

  • Just an observation: Sarah Palin must be feeling down these days with all the batshit crazy stuff from Michelle – and the attention???

    Sarah – we love ya!! Please say/do something SUPER STOOPID so we can get our fix of Sarah???

  • WhatTheHeck

    Its just that certain Republican women get all hot n lathered when they see those burly oil men lower their drill bits down into the virgin soil, ever deeper and deeper until someone shouts something sweet n crude into their ears. Heaven knows, there's nothing else between their ears.

  • genxr

    In the Everglades or who knows where
    I drilled for oil that wasn't there
    It wasn't there again today
    I think I'll blame the EPA

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    OK, what the fuck is this "deleted by the administrator" shit? I'm posting a freaking quote from the story, fer chrissakes!

    • emmelemm

      YEAH! Happened to me too.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    This woman takes stupid to a whole new level — she redefines stupid.

  • MissTaken

    For a woman who has never been laid by her husband she really does obsess about lubricants.

  • widget2011

    She's is about as bright as a 4 watt lightbulb (night light).

  • MiniMencken

    Where is Clinton "Skink" Tyree when we really, really need him?

  • "PALM BEACH GARDENS — U.S. Rep. Allen West told a town hall audience today that Republican presidential hopeful Michele Bachmann made 'an incredible faux pas' when she said she is open to allowing drilling for oil and natural gas in the Everglades if it can be done safely. 'When I see her next week, I’ll straighten her out about that,' West said of the Minnesota congresswoman."

    This will resemble the final act of "A Streetcar Named Desire."

  • a_pink_poodle

    And by drill responsibly, she of course means make the Love Canal look like a dropped spaghetti sauce spill at the grocery store.

    As it says in the Bible, "God put man on the Earth to drain it of all its resources and make it a dirtier place to live for future generations" Genesis 2:15

  • yrbmegr

    Maybe she could find the WMD's in Iraq?

  • Warpde

    Yeah, right Michelle.
    How would you feel if we told you that you would have to let Twinkle Toe's do a little drilling on your uncharted, back country, territory?
    He may not find oil but he sure as hell will bring some.

  • snoopyfan2010

    Dim Michele Bachman. Redundant.

  • caitifty

    If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and looks like a duck, it's probably a witch. We better drown her to be sure.

    • SorosBot

      Build a bridge out of her!

  • zhubajie

    How come conservatives never want to conserve?

  • new_citizen24

    First comment! hooray
    found this site by accident ( the good kind)
    after trying to understand ( aka tro//ing ?)the wonders of angry at the breitbart virtual hellhole, this site was repeatedly mantioned with seething rage. so I had to check it out myself. good stuff.

  • new_citizen24

    Can't wait for her god wrestling perry's god on a WWE biggest event ever.
    its about time regular folks will have a reason to enjoy this kind of entertainment.

  • ttommyunger

    Alligator Libel.

  • Edwin Perello

    People like Bachmann think every inch of the US has untapped oil reserves ready for the taking. There's as much reason to believe that than there is to believe in her god.

Previous articleFormer Unicorn Obama Has Beloved Mermaid Arrested
Next articleWashington Collapses In Fight Over Wednesday Night Teevee Time Slot