Fearful 9/11 Coloring Book Helps Kids Learn How to Fear Muslims

Hey, parents! We hear the 10-year anniversary of 9/11 is around the corner, and you should be asking yourselves an important question: are your small kids sufficiently freaked out yet?  If not, here is a terrible ominous children’s coloring book to explain to the youth that “they” will never forget 9/11, either. Creepy! Who are they? Did they do this? “Yes, ‘they’ know of whom they are. Given the chance, ‘they’ would do it again,” sayeth the coloring book. GAH! KEEP YOUR KIDS AWAY FROM THEY. THEY WILL MURDER US ALL. Do we know who “they” is yet? Guess, children! Immigrants? Space lizards? Darth Vader? Hobbits? 

Haha, silly children. “They” are the Mooslims. That was an easy one! Here, color in some pictures of these Mooslims destroying America and freedom. How about a picture of Osama bin Laden in the second before he was shot? That’s a nice picture. Make sure to use the brown crayon for Osama and the peach color for the soldier!

Who doesn’t agree with children’s coloring book history lessons like, “some Muslim people believe the attacks were a conspiracy caused by Jews?” That’s an important one to include. Calm down, hippies. Fill in the picture of the Christian cross at ground zero, you’ll feel better. [ABC News]

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    1. JustPixelz

      If history is any guide, the next generation will embrace what their parents most abhor. So it'll be Sharia Law and hijabs from coast-to-coast in 2055.

  1. GunToting[Redacted]

    I'd like to muster up some surprise about this, but that's not gonna happen at this point. Assholes.

    1. Omophagist

      Why don't you create your own, more accurate 9-11 and run up to Iraq war coloring book. Bush with an "Al-Qaeda Determined to Attack US" report on his desk while he gleefully plays with an old-timey cup-and-ball game. The CIA director saying that waterboarding is an illegal war crime and Dick Cheney responding "Pussy." Colin Powell saying there is no evidence that Iraq has WMD and Dick Cheney responding "Pussy." Justice Department advisers saying it's illegal to give out billions of dollars of no-bid contracts to Halliburton in Iraq and Dick Cheney responding "Pussy." Scooter Libby saying outing Valerie Plame as a CIA agent is illegal and Dick Cheney responding "Pussy." Harry Whittington begging not to be shot point blank in the face with birdshot and Dick Cheney responding "Pussy."

      It practically writes itself!

  2. Barb

    I got ripped off. I was missing several of the crayons:
    Justice Thomas Only-Appears-to-Be Black
    Cuervo Gold
    Angry Aryan White
    Varicose Violet

    I want my money back!

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        "Princess Di no-longer-royal-blue."

        Previously known as "King Edward VIII no-longer-royal-blue." Wallis Simpson FTW!!

    1. JustPixelz

      Sky Brown (after Repubicans repeal clean air laws)
      Battleaxe Gray (in honor of future VPOTUS Bachmann's roots)
      People's Glorious Red (when China collects their IOUs)

    1. SorosBot

      And that, when informed of the attacks, bush stared blankly for a while, then resumed reading a children's book, boarded Air Force One and bravely turned his tail and fled; he bravely ran away…

    1. Omophagist

      No, but I think they make the "Cowardly Pussy Yellow" that Dick Cheney recommended for Colin Powell in his new book.

  3. SorosBot

    None of the children will ever forget 9/11, because it was ten years ago, before they were born, so none of them ever remembered it in the first place; it'll be like the JFK assassination, the moon landings or Watergate to nearly middle-aged people like me, old history their parents talk about remembering.

    1. BarackMyWorld

      I'd imagine our "Where were you on 9/11?" stories will get old fast when everyone gives the same "parked in front of the TV" answer.

    2. Barb

      True story, Soros. I was in Tennessee on 9-9-01. As I was leaving, I was telling my friend from high school that we are the lucky generation. I am 48, (soon to change) and I don't remember the JFK, Viet Nam, etc. Then I got on my plane to go home. I ate my words 48 hours later.

  4. CrankyLttlCamperette

    …and the peach color for the soldier

    Yeah, now that they don't call that color "flesh" anymore…

    1. Buckminster

      Heavens no! Please teach them subservience and total disregard for the history of the United States! That's the true American way.

  5. freakishlywrong

    Make sure you tell the kiddies when they're done colorin' that tax cuts for the wealthy and corporations will protect their freedumz from the Moslims.

  6. smashaduck

    Oh, it's okay. This actually wasn't meant for kids. The GOP just needed to give lil' Ricky something to do on the bus.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Anything to keep him from his insufferably smarmy preaching. I've never heard such shit from a presidential candidate before, but this dude really thinks he's Solomon or some shit. If Rick were elected president, he'd be a more sanctimonious Dubya, if that can be imagined.

  7. metamarcisf

    I don't know about you, but I get scared when I board a plane and see someone dressed in Juan Williams garb.

    1. arihaya

      and i will get scared whenever I go to federal building and see blonde man that looks like Anders Breivik or Timothy McVeigth

  8. baconzgood

    “some Muslim people believe the attacks were a conspiracy caused by Jews?”

    Some tea-party people too.

    1. SorosBot

      Sh! Ignore the fact that the majority of 9/11 truthers are Alex Jones-following antisemitic right-wingers who are also birthers; according to the media and non-truther wingnuts they're all liberal hippies.

      1. poncho_pilot

        some of them are liberal hippies, though. i know at least 4 of them, personally. one of them also believes the moon landing was a hoax so take that for it's worth.

        "make we watch Loose Change, will you? why i oughta…"

          1. poncho_pilot

            (i've always thought being an illustrator would be a cool job. but i mostly wanted to draw insects and plants. i can't draw human feet…)

            i think you're on to something. this should happen.

      2. Chet Kincaid

        Makes me (not) nostalgic for the old days in the '80s on "The McLaughlin Group," when Robert Novak and Pat Buchanan were all-but-saying, "we're making a big mistake throwing in with the Jews instead of the Arabs."

  9. baconzgood

    I don't see a problem with this coloring book. My kids learned to read using the coloring book version of Helter-Skelter.

  10. bureaucrap

    It doesn't matter who "They" are, so long as you hate and fear them. Beginning immediately, save the first two minutes of your lunch hour for the "Two minute hate". Now appearing on telescreens near you.

  11. Fare la Volpe

    Well thank God this coloring book protects kids from vicious Islamic Muslims. Much worse than just those regular old Muslim Muslims.

      1. poncho_pilot

        they are the Pinnacle…the Zenith…the Mountain Dew of Islam. very intense with their mountain bikes and skateboards and paintball guns.

      1. genxr

        The noodly appendage is, indeed, halal. Unless you're a member of the meatball and sausage sect. Splitters.

  12. kissawookiee

    Hmmm, it appears that my copy is missing the page showing Condi clutching that "Bin Laden Determined to Strike Within US" presidential daily briefing thing. What am I supposed to do with this burnt sienna/sickly white swirl crayon now?

  13. EatsBabyDingos

    I'm sure the Fox Gnus crews will have talking points thusly: "9-11, 9-11, 9-11, 9-11, Obama is a racist, 9-11, 9-11, 9-11, Dick Cheney's heroic new book, 9-11, 9-11, 9-11. EIEIO! [rinse, blather, repeat.]"

  14. baconzgood

    This is pretty tasteless….You know Baconz and my mentality and for ME to say it's tasteless….Sheeeeete…color me impressed.

  15. freakishlywrong

    Aren't wingnuts (I'm looking at YOU, Malkin), always setting their hair on fire over the Kenyan usurper indoctrinating the children? These assholes engage in more projection than the Cannes film festival.

  16. Redhead

    "The intent of the book is to educate"
    Doesn't it have to have facts to do that? Oh, right, I forgot, not if Texas approves…

    "How about a picture of Osama bin Laden in the second before he was shot? "
    Texas approves of pictures of old guys jerking off to porn?

    1. poncho_pilot

      "/How about a picture of Osama bin Laden in the second before he was shot?'
      Texas approves of pictures of old guys jerking off to porn?"

      who's jerking off? OBL or the old guys looking at the coloring book page where OBL gets shot?

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      "Texas approves of pictures of old guys jerking off to porn?"

      That'll be in the "Great Republican Politicians of the 21st Century" coloring book.

  17. Oblios_Cap

    It's just another grim reminder of the White Man's Burden.

    I imagine a lot of folks would be estatic if we would only rest our tired shoulders for a while.

        1. genxr

          Blue stars, purple horseshoes– wait, that's the Irish. Okay, we'll take the Jews and Muslims, but no Irish!

  18. hollywooddood

    Is there a page of Little George on vacation for a month before 9/11, clearing brush in Crawford and ignoring intelligence memos?

  19. SorosBot

    Oh I’ve learned to hate Muslims
    All through my whole life
    If another war starts
    It’s them we must fight
    To hate them and fear them
    To run and to hide
    And accept it all bravely
    With God on my side

    (That's nearly half a century old, and yet changing just one word makes it as applicable today as when it came out).

    1. poncho_pilot

      Oh, I’ve learned to love Russians
      white, black, and blind.
      or bulldogs from C. O.
      i really don't mind.
      as long as there's vodka
      i never will hide,
      but if another war starts
      i'll be wretching outside.

  20. fuflans

    yeah coloring in george fucking bush and a bunch of buildings is going to be a big hit with the five year old set.

    coloring book fail.

  21. prommie

    I'm remembering the Maine, and the Alamo, and Pearl Harbor. Fucking spaniards, mexicans, and japs.

          1. Swampgas_Man

            Try to remember
            That time in September
            When grass was green, and teabags were yellow . . . .

    1. gurukalehuru

      The Maine, modern forensic evidence has proven, did indeed explode due to an overheated boiler. Fuck Bill McKinley and William Randolph Hearst. Never forget.

  22. not that Dewey

    Does the 9/11 coloring book show Pinochet torturing and murdering his own citizens with the help of Kissinger?

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Or the CIA (Kermit Roosevelt) overthrowing the government of Iran in the early 1950's.

      Mad Men with guns.

  23. jus_wonderin

    Cool! This will make a great stocking stuffer for my 9/11 Day celebration. Regretably, I think I put my tree up to early, but it is hot down here in Texas so that might be the reason it is browning.

    Did find a way this year to keep the cat out of the tree. Pigeon spikes do the trick.

      1. DahBoner

        Maybe a suicide bomber will accidentally crash into their offices.

        Ha! That would be ironic….

  24. Chillwaver

    "Wayne Bell, publisher of Really Big Coloring Books, Inc., in St. Louis, says that the book is a memorial tribute. "It is an informational piece to help educate children on events on 9/11," Bell said. He added that it is "a simplistic, honest tool."

    Wayne is a simplistic, dishonest tool.

  25. EatsBabyDingos

    There's a 16 month old I know who likes to "paint" on the walls when her diaper is poopy. I'm going to blow up the Bush page, and paste it on the wall next to her crib. When she's done crying from looking at the Bush drawing, I'll give her three jars of bean burrito baby food and a half bottle of prune juice. In a few hours, I'm thinking the Mona Lisa of George Bush pictures, in bas relief. Epic.

    1. Rotundo_

      It would almost be redundant, but it would capture the essence of Dubya in a way no other medium ever could. Be sure to leave it in his presnidentshul liberry in a quiet corner near the ventilation ducts.

  26. scionkirk

    I'm sure Hitler is in South America somewhere slapping himself saying 'DAMN IT! anti-semitic coloring books, why didn't I think of that!?'

  27. DaRooster

    Do they have pictures of-
    A. The bin Ladens watching the attacks with Bush Sr.?
    B. Them being allowed to leave the country, even though there was no flying allowed?
    C. W reading to kids from an upside down book?
    D. Republicans taking healthcare away from first responders?
    E. Bush being a complete failure at catching bin Laden?
    F. etc…?
    No? Hmm… so it really doesn't tell the whole story then… OK.

  28. BlueStateLibel

    No snark, but what is the point of just endlessly hating these people? Did we hate the Germans and Japanese after World War II?

    1. DaRooster

      I'm sure once we completely demoralize and destroy the people and lands of Afghanistan and Iraq (and where ever else we decide) we will rebuild them in our image… and they will be bigger and stronger then ever before.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        I don't think I'm going to live long enough to drive an automobile designed and built in Afghanistan.

  29. Polythene_Pam

    I have yet to meet a child who actually enjoys coloring in a coloring book, anyway.

    Oh, some teens do, in a cutesy nostalgia throwback kind of way. But, no actual child gets excited about coloring in pictures in a book anymore.

    1. mumbly_joe

      It's actually a fun sort of party to throw, with booze, amongst geeky hipster types, for the aforementioned nostalgia throwback reasons. It can actually be really fun to drunkenly give Hello Kitty a makeover as Rorshach from Watchmen because of something that came up in conversation two minutes ago.

  30. GhostBuggy

    Ha ha, holy shit, there's a picture of W wondering what the fuck to do for 10 minutes while the country was being attacked! They actually put it in there! Was there enough room to also include a reporter asking him about bin Laden, and Bush responding with "Watch this swing"?

  31. user-of-owls

    This post is no help at all. I mean who do I color in with my Indian Red crayon?

    What the fuck did Manmohan Singh have to do with any of this 9-11 argle-bargle?

  32. succalina

    How did I know the publisher would be Southern before even hearing him open his pie hole? How did I know his name would be Wayne?

  33. traceyswans

    I'm most troubled by the grammatical construction "‘they’ know of whom they are". I don't want America's children exposed to such filth.

  34. amalgamated_inc

    "Yes, 'they' know of whom they are."

    They know of whom they are?! GODDAMMIT, STOP SPEEKIN' FANCY MESSICAN.

  35. El Pinche

    My kids love the muslin kids. They're the ones with the cool custom surround sound giant screen teevees and PS3s, and swimming pool because their daddies work for IBM and Dell. The homeschooled conservative xian kids are lame and boring.

  36. Chet Kincaid

    Leaving aside the Muslim-baiting, why in the hell would anyone want to make coloring books for kids of real-life, tragic events? How about a "Catching The Killer Clown" Gacy coloring book? Or "Eric & Dylan Do Columbine?" Arrest this dumbass publisher for child abuse.

  37. Trannysurprise

    This reminds me of the cheerful Pearl Harbor coloring book where you needed a whole box of yellow crayons to get through it. Now we just need some brown – lots of brown crayons.

  38. MinAgain

    Crappy cover design. It looks like 19/11, which, as we all know, is when the Mayans predicted that the Earth would collapse like a deflated balloon.

  39. owhatever

    Did I miss something? Is there a danger that the kids in this country are in danger of forgetting about 9/11? I know my generation forgot all about Pearl Harbor by 1951.

    The publisher is out to make a buck from the conservative fools who can't read a whole book with words.

  40. Native_of_SL_UT

    I'm going to make my own coloring books with the antics of John Wayne Gacy, Jeffery Dahmer, Jared Loughner, Jim Jones, David Koresh, Timothy McViegh and others. It will be Awesome and teach kids lots of cool stuff.

  41. proudgrampa

    Sorry, no snark on this one. I want my grandchildren to have this ambience:

    Try to remember the kind of September
    When life was slow and oh, so mellow.
    Try to remember the kind of September
    When grass was green and grain was yellow.
    Try to remember the kind of September
    When you were a tender and callow fellow.
    Try to remember, and if you remember,
    Then follow.

    I know. I'm sorry.

  42. Negropolis

    “some Muslim people believe the attacks were a conspiracy caused by Jews?”

    And, apparently, so do a helluva lot of so-called Christians.

  43. ttommyunger

    When will publishers learn to just put turds between the covers.? Skips the middle-man and saves a helluva lot of trees.

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