Hey, parents! We hear the 10-year anniversary of 9/11 is around the corner, and you should be asking yourselves an important question: are your small kids sufficiently freaked out yet? If not, here is a terrible ominous children’s coloring book to explain to the youth that “they” will never forget 9/11, either. Creepy! Who are they? Did they do this? “Yes, ‘they’ know of whom they are. Given the chance, ‘they’ would do it again,” sayeth the coloring book. GAH! KEEP YOUR KIDS AWAY FROM THEY. THEY WILL MURDER US ALL. Do we know who “they” is yet? Guess, children! Immigrants? Space lizards? Darth Vader? Hobbits?
Haha, silly children. “They” are the Mooslims. That was an easy one! Here, color in some pictures of these Mooslims destroying America and freedom. How about a picture of Osama bin Laden in the second before he was shot? That’s a nice picture. Make sure to use the brown crayon for Osama and the peach color for the soldier!
Who doesn’t agree with children’s coloring book history lessons like, “some Muslim people believe the attacks were a conspiracy caused by Jews?” That’s an important one to include. Calm down, hippies. Fill in the picture of the Christian cross at ground zero, you’ll feel better. [ABC News]
{ 218 comments }
Before, I was just scared of Mooslims. Now I'm also scared of coloring books.
Not to mention crayons! Yummy, delicious crayons.
I'm a bit scared of the shitheads who produce these horrors.
If history is any guide, the next generation will embrace what their parents most abhor. So it'll be Sharia Law and hijabs from coast-to-coast in 2055.
I was scared of Muslims before it was cool!
I'd like to muster up some surprise about this, but that's not gonna happen at this point. Assholes.
Why don't you create your own, more accurate 9-11 and run up to Iraq war coloring book. Bush with an "Al-Qaeda Determined to Attack US" report on his desk while he gleefully plays with an old-timey cup-and-ball game. The CIA director saying that waterboarding is an illegal war crime and Dick Cheney responding "Pussy." Colin Powell saying there is no evidence that Iraq has WMD and Dick Cheney responding "Pussy." Justice Department advisers saying it's illegal to give out billions of dollars of no-bid contracts to Halliburton in Iraq and Dick Cheney responding "Pussy." Scooter Libby saying outing Valerie Plame as a CIA agent is illegal and Dick Cheney responding "Pussy." Harry Whittington begging not to be shot point blank in the face with birdshot and Dick Cheney responding "Pussy."
It practically writes itself!
I can't wait to help my toddler color the picture of the bomb in tower 7.
TODDLERS DID 9/11
Stop making fun of Trig.
And I thought it wuz the gheys!
Now just stop it Trig is not gay
Sarah wouldn't acknowledge him publicly if he was.
We've got to Pray the They Away.
Can't we use a super soaker?
I got ripped off. I was missing several of the crayons:
Justice Thomas Only-Appears-to-Be Black
Cuervo Gold
Angry Aryan White
Varicose Violet
I want my money back!
You forgot Divine Brown and Princess Di no-longer-royal-blue.
"Princess Di no-longer-royal-blue."
Previously known as "King Edward VIII no-longer-royal-blue." Wallis Simpson FTW!!
(Bomb the) Browns
Anchor Babyblue
The President is a near, (coffee with creme).
A color set like that should have Prussian Blue.
Boehner-Orange
Boehner- Orange just drips right off the page.
Burnt Umbrage
Hover-round Red
Barrywater Gold
U3O8 yellow.
Or is that for the next coloring book in the series, "Freeing Iraq"?
Sky Brown (after Repubicans repeal clean air laws)
Battleaxe Gray (in honor of future VPOTUS Bachmann's roots)
People's Glorious Red (when China collects their IOUs)
Be diligent with your blue crayons, kids! You'll need those for the water boarding pages.
And you'll need plenty of red for the Iraq sequel.
You know who else would do it again, given the chance?
Steely Dan?
go back Jack…
Jill Sobule?
Jackson Browne?
OJ?
Cheney the Dick?
Me and my girlfriend, as soon as I get off work.
Toni Tenille?
Mickey Rooney?
Christine O'Donnell?
The Beach Boys?
Weird Al?
Loreena Bobbitt?
Macauley Caulkin?
Hitler?
Debbie? In Dallas?
Newt?
Sidney Poitier and Bill Cosby, with a soundtrack by Curtis Mayfield?
How was I unaware of that movie until this instant in my life?
Britney Spears?
I thought "they" = Republicans.
Never forget that Bush and Cheney ignored warnings about bin Laden, and then used 9-11 as an excuse to lie us into a war on Iraq for corporate profits
~
Right. Show me where it says that in the coloring book.
Oh, you're just askin' for a water-boarding.
And that, when informed of the attacks, bush stared blankly for a while, then resumed reading a children's book, boarded Air Force One and bravely turned his tail and fled; he bravely ran away…
YOU LIE!!!
Bush was just trying to project an aura of calm … blankfaced terror.
Mommy, what color are profiteering war criminals?
All of them, Katie.
Does Binney & Smith make a "Muslim Brown" crayola?
Just color them dead, Timmy.
No, but I think they make the "Cowardly Pussy Yellow" that Dick Cheney recommended for Colin Powell in his new book.
No, but the "mullato" crayon is close enough.
Maybe we wonketeers can publish a scary coloring book full of rethuglicans.
Coloring everything white gets boring pretty quickly.
And there is no color for "asshole".
Christine O'Donnel coloring book ?
Will Benjamin's Ayn Rand in the 21st Century illustrated story do the trick?
Reminds me of the placemats at Little Black Sambo's good times.
TDD: Did Sambo's serve Indian food? Dot, not feather.
Quite Denny's-ish… from what I remember.
In NJ they became Dennys.
Great pancakes.
None of the children will ever forget 9/11, because it was ten years ago, before they were born, so none of them ever remembered it in the first place; it'll be like the JFK assassination, the moon landings or Watergate to nearly middle-aged people like me, old history their parents talk about remembering.
I'd imagine our "Where were you on 9/11?" stories will get old fast when everyone gives the same "parked in front of the TV" answer.
True story, Soros. I was in Tennessee on 9-9-01. As I was leaving, I was telling my friend from high school that we are the lucky generation. I am 48, (soon to change) and I don't remember the JFK, Viet Nam, etc. Then I got on my plane to go home. I ate my words 48 hours later.
…and the peach color for the soldier
Yeah, now that they don't call that color "flesh" anymore…
Cranky, isn't peach a bit festive? Oh yeah, RIP DADT.
Yeah, but we flesh-people know why it's in the box!
Oh good, I was concerned my girls might concentrate on mathematics or science.. and THAT will never do.
Science is elitist socializms
Heavens no! Please teach them subservience and total disregard for the history of the United States! That's the true American way.
Make sure you tell the kiddies when they're done colorin' that tax cuts for the wealthy and corporations will protect their freedumz from the Moslims.
Is "they" the new "those people"?
There goes the neighborhood.
Oh, it's okay. This actually wasn't meant for kids. The GOP just needed to give lil' Ricky something to do on the bus.
Anything to keep him from his insufferably smarmy preaching. I've never heard such shit from a presidential candidate before, but this dude really thinks he's Solomon or some shit. If Rick were elected president, he'd be a more sanctimonious Dubya, if that can be imagined.
Fuck coloring within the lines on this coloring book.
That would make for better 'splosions!
I'll hold off giving this 'til Xmas when singing Jingo Bells is appropriate.
"They" are the Lizard Space Hobos, and they are named Dave.
are they the Daves he knows? http://youtu.be/_LrlMoIzSjw
Dave's not here, man.
I don't know about you, but I get scared when I board a plane and see someone dressed in Juan Williams garb.
and i will get scared whenever I go to federal building and see blonde man that looks like Anders Breivik or Timothy McVeigth
But those aren't the "they" we are talking about.
No, those are "extremist" Christians. Many Christians think the Jews did it.
“some Muslim people believe the attacks were a conspiracy caused by Jews?”
Some tea-party people too.
Sh! Ignore the fact that the majority of 9/11 truthers are Alex Jones-following antisemitic right-wingers who are also birthers; according to the media and non-truther wingnuts they're all liberal hippies.
some of them are liberal hippies, though. i know at least 4 of them, personally. one of them also believes the moon landing was a hoax so take that for it's worth.
"make we watch Loose Change, will you? why i oughta…"
It's getting to the point where we need an Illustratred Guide to American Nutjobs.
(i've always thought being an illustrator would be a cool job. but i mostly wanted to draw insects and plants. i can't draw human feet…)
i think you're on to something. this should happen.
Makes me (not) nostalgic for the old days in the '80s on "The McLaughlin Group," when Robert Novak and Pat Buchanan were all-but-saying, "we're making a big mistake throwing in with the Jews instead of the Arabs."
Waddya mean "all but saying"? They SAID it – out loud and often.
Heil Demjanjuk!
I don't see a problem with this coloring book. My kids learned to read using the coloring book version of Helter-Skelter.
They colored "The White Album"?
It doesn't matter who "They" are, so long as you hate and fear them. Beginning immediately, save the first two minutes of your lunch hour for the "Two minute hate". Now appearing on telescreens near you.
Not to mention observing two minutes of hate at all ballgames.
Well thank God this coloring book protects kids from vicious Islamic Muslims. Much worse than just those regular old Muslim Muslims.
I hear some of those Muslims are Extremely Islamic.
they are the Pinnacle…the Zenith…the Mountain Dew of Islam. very intense with their mountain bikes and skateboards and paintball guns.
They kneel and face Mecca… TO THE EXTREME!!!!!
They're much worse than the Presbyterian Muslims.
And Pastafarian Muslims are just really, really confused.
The noodly appendage is, indeed, halal. Unless you're a member of the meatball and sausage sect. Splitters.
Hmmm, it appears that my copy is missing the page showing Condi clutching that "Bin Laden Determined to Strike Within US" presidential daily briefing thing. What am I supposed to do with this burnt sienna/sickly white swirl crayon now?
Take it shoe shopping.
Maybe if it had been in coloring book form, Dubya would have paid attention to it.
Needz moar pet goats.
I'm sure the Fox Gnus crews will have talking points thusly: "9-11, 9-11, 9-11, 9-11, Obama is a racist, 9-11, 9-11, 9-11, Dick Cheney's heroic new book, 9-11, 9-11, 9-11. EIEIO! [rinse, blather, repeat.]"
It's really great that this country has turned patriotism into a synonym for hateful.
It's the rare country that doesn't. Patriotism is just tribalism under another banner.
This is pretty tasteless….You know Baconz and my mentality and for ME to say it's tasteless….Sheeeeete…color me impressed.
Aren't wingnuts (I'm looking at YOU, Malkin), always setting their hair on fire over the Kenyan usurper indoctrinating the children? These assholes engage in more projection than the Cannes film festival.
*see also Obama is racist and Big Government.
Better than the Mein Kempf Coloring Book.
The Liberation of Nanking by The Emperor's Glorious Army!!
Actually, sorta the same.
"The intent of the book is to educate"
Doesn't it have to have facts to do that? Oh, right, I forgot, not if Texas approves…
"How about a picture of Osama bin Laden in the second before he was shot? "
Texas approves of pictures of old guys jerking off to porn?
"/How about a picture of Osama bin Laden in the second before he was shot?'
Texas approves of pictures of old guys jerking off to porn?"
who's jerking off? OBL or the old guys looking at the coloring book page where OBL gets shot?
"Texas approves of pictures of old guys jerking off to porn?"
That'll be in the "Great Republican Politicians of the 21st Century" coloring book.
It's just another grim reminder of the White Man's Burden.
I imagine a lot of folks would be estatic if we would only rest our tired shoulders for a while.
Wait. What color are Jews again?
They have red horns.
yellow stars.
Blue stars, purple horseshoes– wait, that's the Irish. Okay, we'll take the Jews and Muslims, but no Irish!
Dirty?
they should just stick to that Jesus-riding-on-a-Raptor coloring book
Is there a page of Little George on vacation for a month before 9/11, clearing brush in Crawford and ignoring intelligence memos?
I really want to color a picture of Shrub sitting in that classroom, gape-mouthed.
What color is frozen and crapping pants with fear? Puce?
Hahahahahahahaha! Oh, that was good.
Just drink your 9/11 Wine and STFU!
http://blog.timesunion.com/dowdondrinks/files/201…
Alcohol makes me forget things.
Wow, this went right over my head. Could they dumb it down a bit for me?
Yes. Brown people bad, white people good.
Hold on. Nope. Still don't get it.
Off to the re-education camps with you!!
Oh I’ve learned to hate Muslims
All through my whole life
If another war starts
It’s them we must fight
To hate them and fear them
To run and to hide
And accept it all bravely
With God on my side
(That's nearly half a century old, and yet changing just one word makes it as applicable today as when it came out).
what was the original word? Trucknutz?
Russians.
Oh, I’ve learned to love Russians
white, black, and blind.
or bulldogs from C. O.
i really don't mind.
as long as there's vodka
i never will hide,
but if another war starts
i'll be wretching outside.
yeah coloring in george fucking bush and a bunch of buildings is going to be a big hit with the five year old set.
coloring book fail.
I'm remembering the Maine, and the Alamo, and Pearl Harbor. Fucking spaniards, mexicans, and japs.
That's fucking spics and wetbacks prommie, but I get yer point.
All I can remember is the 5th of November. And the Titans.
Do you remember? The 21st night of September? Love was changing the minds of pretenders, while chasing the clouds away.
I am trying to forget August 31, 2011….
Try to remember
That time in September
When grass was green, and teabags were yellow . . . .
The Maine, modern forensic evidence has proven, did indeed explode due to an overheated boiler. Fuck Bill McKinley and William Randolph Hearst. Never forget.
Longtemps, je me suis couché de bonne heure.
54-40 or fight.
I hope there are ample pictures of water-boarding… I LOVE blue!
and i love GREEENN !!
did Bin laden got weed?
Does the 9/11 coloring book show Pinochet torturing and murdering his own citizens with the help of Kissinger?
Or the CIA (Kermit Roosevelt) overthrowing the government of Iran in the early 1950's.
Mad Men with guns.
Cool! This will make a great stocking stuffer for my 9/11 Day celebration. Regretably, I think I put my tree up to early, but it is hot down here in Texas so that might be the reason it is browning.
Did find a way this year to keep the cat out of the tree. Pigeon spikes do the trick.
BROWN TREE = MUSLIN TREE BURN IT BURN IT.
I hate this publisher with the heat of a 1000 suns.
Think karma, Dash, lots and lots a karma.
Maybe a suicide bomber will accidentally crash into their offices.
Ha! That would be ironic….
This could spawn a whole new generation of Blutarskis "Was it over when the Iranians bombed the 7-11 hell no!"
"Wayne Bell, publisher of Really Big Coloring Books, Inc., in St. Louis, says that the book is a memorial tribute. "It is an informational piece to help educate children on events on 9/11," Bell said. He added that it is "a simplistic, honest tool."
Wayne is a simplistic, dishonest tool.
Not simple, but simplistic. He speaks more truth than he knows.
He is, as the good people at Big Hollywood called me yesterday, "disingenious."
They misunderestimate you!
There's a 16 month old I know who likes to "paint" on the walls when her diaper is poopy. I'm going to blow up the Bush page, and paste it on the wall next to her crib. When she's done crying from looking at the Bush drawing, I'll give her three jars of bean burrito baby food and a half bottle of prune juice. In a few hours, I'm thinking the Mona Lisa of George Bush pictures, in bas relief. Epic.
It would almost be redundant, but it would capture the essence of Dubya in a way no other medium ever could. Be sure to leave it in his presnidentshul liberry in a quiet corner near the ventilation ducts.
I'm sure Hitler is in South America somewhere slapping himself saying 'DAMN IT! anti-semitic coloring books, why didn't I think of that!?'
He did, actually. (Warning: links are to what you think they are.)
Beat me by 60 seconds. Damn.
Is They Ghey?
Do they have pictures of-
A. The bin Ladens watching the attacks with Bush Sr.?
B. Them being allowed to leave the country, even though there was no flying allowed?
C. W reading to kids from an upside down book?
D. Republicans taking healthcare away from first responders?
E. Bush being a complete failure at catching bin Laden?
F. etc…?
No? Hmm… so it really doesn't tell the whole story then… OK.
No snark, but what is the point of just endlessly hating these people? Did we hate the Germans and Japanese after World War II?
I'm sure once we completely demoralize and destroy the people and lands of Afghanistan and Iraq (and where ever else we decide) we will rebuild them in our image… and they will be bigger and stronger then ever before.
I don't think I'm going to live long enough to drive an automobile designed and built in Afghanistan.
I have yet to meet a child who actually enjoys coloring in a coloring book, anyway.
Oh, some teens do, in a cutesy nostalgia throwback kind of way. But, no actual child gets excited about coloring in pictures in a book anymore.
While I would agree with you that they are generally overrated, I know one 4 year old for sure who loves them.
It's actually a fun sort of party to throw, with booze, amongst geeky hipster types, for the aforementioned nostalgia throwback reasons. It can actually be really fun to drunkenly give Hello Kitty a makeover as Rorshach from Watchmen because of something that came up in conversation two minutes ago.
Ha ha, holy shit, there's a picture of W wondering what the fuck to do for 10 minutes while the country was being attacked! They actually put it in there! Was there enough room to also include a reporter asking him about bin Laden, and Bush responding with "Watch this swing"?
This post is no help at all. I mean who do I color in with my Indian Red crayon?
What the fuck did Manmohan Singh have to do with any of this 9-11 argle-bargle?
First they came for our crayons, and I said nothing.
How did I know the publisher would be Southern before even hearing him open his pie hole? How did I know his name would be Wayne?
Ten to one he's not a licensed plumber.
I'm most troubled by the grammatical construction "‘they’ know of whom they are". I don't want America's children exposed to such filth.
"Yes, 'they' know of whom they are."
They know of whom they are?! GODDAMMIT, STOP SPEEKIN' FANCY MESSICAN.
My kids love the muslin kids. They're the ones with the cool custom surround sound giant screen teevees and PS3s, and swimming pool because their daddies work for IBM and Dell. The homeschooled conservative xian kids are lame and boring.
Never forget 9/11! Forget Oklahoma City!
Leaving aside the Muslim-baiting, why in the hell would anyone want to make coloring books for kids of real-life, tragic events? How about a "Catching The Killer Clown" Gacy coloring book? Or "Eric & Dylan Do Columbine?" Arrest this dumbass publisher for child abuse.
Do you think Michele Bachman would autograph my John Wayne Gacy coloring book?
The page with Osama getting smoked is kinda funny though. In a Robert Smigel kind of way.
This reminds me of the cheerful Pearl Harbor coloring book where you needed a whole box of yellow crayons to get through it. Now we just need some brown – lots of brown crayons.
Did Bill O'Reilly and his wife write this coloring book?
No, but they did tear it in half before coloring it. In separate houses, as far away from each other as possible.
Mrs. O'Reilly was too busy boinking her boyfriend.
Crappy cover design. It looks like 19/11, which, as we all know, is when the Mayans predicted that the Earth would collapse like a deflated balloon.
Did I miss something? Is there a danger that the kids in this country are in danger of forgetting about 9/11? I know my generation forgot all about Pearl Harbor by 1951.
The publisher is out to make a buck from the conservative fools who can't read a whole book with words.
Have you seen the kids in this country? They've already forgotten who won what on the VMAs.
I'm going to make my own coloring books with the antics of John Wayne Gacy, Jeffery Dahmer, Jared Loughner, Jim Jones, David Koresh, Timothy McViegh and others. It will be Awesome and teach kids lots of cool stuff.
Sorry, no snark on this one. I want my grandchildren to have this ambience:
Try to remember the kind of September
When life was slow and oh, so mellow.
Try to remember the kind of September
When grass was green and grain was yellow.
Try to remember the kind of September
When you were a tender and callow fellow.
Try to remember, and if you remember,
Then follow.
I know. I'm sorry.
After reading that, they can have my Ambiens too. The Snooze is overpowering.
And, apparently, so do a helluva lot of so-called Christians.
When will publishers learn to just put turds between the covers.? Skips the middle-man and saves a helluva lot of trees.
I can't draw human feet
Neither can Rob Liefeld, but that never stopped him.
thanks. now i'll be flashing back to this horrific image all day:
http://progressiveboink.com/b/images/rob/bill1.jp…
This is why I'm glad I got out of comics in 1982.
"You're not my daddy… You're not my daddy…"
Ohhhhhhh! I have this marked as "forbidden".
http://progressiveboink.com/b/images/rob/bill4.jp…
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