INTERNET MAGICK  4:37 pm August 30, 2011

Christine O’Donnell Starts Speaking in Tongues on Twitter

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

We have no idea what kind of spell Christine O’Donnell is trying to put on Twitter, but it looks like a pretty mean one.[Twitter]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 132 comments }

nounverb911 August 30, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Burn the WITCH!

DahBoner August 30, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Well, no wonder! This twit is from "Christine OD".

Guess she musta got ahold of some bad stuff….

poncho_pilot August 30, 2011 at 6:15 pm

rarely is the question asked, "is our witches burning?"

flamingpdog August 30, 2011 at 7:18 pm

Wish I could upthumb this more than once.

poncho_pilot August 30, 2011 at 8:45 pm

thanks! i've been saving that one for a bit.

GunToting[Redacted] August 30, 2011 at 4:39 pm

It's in ancient Sumerian! RUN!!!

emmelemm August 30, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Gozar the Gozerian is coming!

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2011 at 4:50 pm

It can't be — I heard Christine doesn't practice Cuneiform.

Lascauxcaveman August 30, 2011 at 5:16 pm

I think we really pissed her off this time; she's summoning Cthulhu.

Dr_Zoidberg August 30, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Please – even Cthulhu won't touch her level of craziness.

johnedens September 1, 2011 at 12:12 am

I knew some Sumerians in Houston – great parties!

Respitetini August 30, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Oh, wait. I see. Play it backwards and it's the first 140 characters of "Paranoid"

SorosBot August 30, 2011 at 4:40 pm

T

flamingpdog August 30, 2011 at 5:10 pm

& A.

Radiotherapy® August 30, 2011 at 5:13 pm

C

tribbzthesquidz August 31, 2011 at 1:03 am

K

tribbzthesquidz August 31, 2011 at 1:16 am

Y

Negropolis August 31, 2011 at 3:23 am

Xe

DaRooster August 30, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Looks pretty Middle Easterny…

DaRooster August 30, 2011 at 4:42 pm

"What does this key do? Oh, neato… how about this one… kewl beans… this one…?"

prommie August 30, 2011 at 4:43 pm

I got something she could use her tongue on. . . . .

inapewetrust August 30, 2011 at 4:45 pm

oh, so THAT'S what's going on in her head all the time

Biel_ze_Bubba August 30, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Just a momentary slip of her tinfoil hat, and all these instructions from space start pouring ouf of the alien chip inside her head.

I'm sure she's fine now, and back to making no sense whatsoever.

EatsBabyDingos August 30, 2011 at 4:46 pm

They were her reboot instructions from Planet Flakey-O.

ManchuCandidate August 30, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Craven mind and hairy lips
Dollar signs on her finger tips
Shrieking long into the night
She’s a dumbass loser on an endless grift
Wooo hooo witchy woman, see how
Much she lies
Woo hoo witchy woman she gone
Done and ass texted herself

Thurman Munster IV August 30, 2011 at 5:28 pm

I fucking hate the Eagles

/s/ The Dude

jjdaddyo August 30, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Relax, it's just one of her 43 cats has gotten hold of her iPhone…

Lascauxcaveman August 30, 2011 at 7:15 pm

LOL, that's where all the campaign funds went: cat food, cat litter and an iPhone, which she bought at the full retail price.

comrad_darkness August 30, 2011 at 11:34 pm

They aren't cats, they're familiars.

nappyduggs August 30, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Holy Johnny 5, that is one hell of a short circuit, looks like!
"Xtine….winding….dowwwwwnnnnn….

OkieDokieDog August 30, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Darn, where does one get a crazy bitch decoder ring?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 30, 2011 at 4:52 pm

It is the most sense she has ever made.

SayItWithWookies August 30, 2011 at 4:52 pm

If she had used such sensible language during her campaign, she might've won.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 30, 2011 at 4:53 pm

I don't know. Some of that looks like it could be Russian. Could it be that she has been a commie sleeper all along, and that Putin has finally put her into action?

SorosBot August 30, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Even worse, there's some upside-down question marks and exclamation points in there, as used in Spanish. Could she be a sekrit illegal Mexican?

Dr_Zoidberg August 30, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Now, you know we don't care about the Commies! Say it looks like some kind of secret Mooslim speech, and you got something.

mumbly_joe August 30, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Y'know, I floated this theory a while back, last year, here and here.

Point being, it's pretty clear that, yes, the main point of Twitter is to be a numbers station for commie spies and O'Donnell is one there I said it.

BornInATrailer August 30, 2011 at 4:53 pm

That is what happens when you drop your Magic Wand on your iPhone.

Bonzos_Bed_Time August 31, 2011 at 12:26 am

She normally drops her magic wand on her bush.

tribbzthesquidz August 31, 2011 at 1:15 am

Hitachi not compatible with Apple. No app for that. Plus, if Christine could orgasm, we wouldn't be talking about any of this.

not that Dewey August 30, 2011 at 4:53 pm

I am not an invalid ASCII code. I am you.

BornInATrailer August 30, 2011 at 4:53 pm

A reading from the Necroneocon!

nappyduggs August 30, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Honestly, what does it mean? ChristineOD is like a human crop circle.

Mumbletypeg August 30, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Watch her accuse Twitter of sexual discrimination in 3…2..

OneYieldRegular August 30, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Big deal. Linda Blair said the exact same thing in "The Exorcist."

MichelesPantalones August 30, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Yes, but she was more comprehensible.

flamingpdog August 30, 2011 at 5:59 pm

"Your mother suck Kochs in HELL!"

AJWjr. August 30, 2011 at 6:09 pm

But at least she wasn't running for the Senate.

Geminisunmars August 30, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Needz moar pea soup.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 30, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Twitter Libel!

Darklady August 30, 2011 at 5:00 pm

I dunno. That's the most sense she's made in a long time, IMO.

HelmutNewton August 30, 2011 at 5:00 pm

English translation: "Double, double toil and trouble! Fire burn, and caldron bubble! Those who are dumb enough to follow my Tweets, buy my book or I'll eat your feets!"

HistoriCat August 30, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Makes as much sense as anything Michele Bachman says.

DrunkenPalmetto August 30, 2011 at 5:00 pm

I buried Palin…I buried Palin

Mumbletypeg August 30, 2011 at 5:02 pm

to be fair… tweep apnea medication has been known to have bizarre side effects such as tweeptalking..

* I'm compelled to refer to it as tweeping = tweet + 'cheep'.. something about XO'D's expression makes me think of a young chicklet

FlownOver August 30, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Jeez, doncha have a Rosetta stone?

The translation is:

When I look out my window,
Many sights to see.
And when I look in my window,
So many different people to be
That it's strange, so strange.
You've got to pick up every stitch…

Dudleydidwrong August 30, 2011 at 5:29 pm

She's in season?

not that Dewey August 30, 2011 at 10:22 pm

Oh, no.

SudsMcKenzie August 30, 2011 at 5:02 pm

I'll take this to mean she finally got laid.

BarryOPotter August 31, 2011 at 10:58 am

I'll take this to mean she finally got laid.

Or that she's got her fingers on the pulse…

flamingpdog August 30, 2011 at 5:04 pm

That's a direct quote from one of Sarah Palin's testimonies at her church in Wasilla. Plagiarism can now be added to Xine's rap sheet!

weejee August 30, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Was ist mit dem umlats Xtine? And lotsa phi, Φ. Fee, phi, fo, fum??? Or is it the mathsciences like angles, or fugacity, or potential. Naaa on that for sure.

My guess it's what Xtine gets for texting while having a special moment with her phone in vibrate mode.

Mahousu August 30, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Her Twitter account is Christine OD. Was this prophetic?

flamingpdog August 30, 2011 at 5:08 pm

She twittered not too long ago that she was at Channel 9News studios in Denver. Mebbe this twitter is her allergic reaction to the lamestream media.

V572 T-Blow August 30, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Well I scanned the image into Acrobat and OCRed it so translate.google.com could read it. It said it had detected Filipino (really!) and gave this "English" translation:

<l> ARAAKISCiKYsABGGKaiKIAhQKAP § N § § <l> eAUMAfaKCWSNOABiAhQKA oCAdCY § § IA YsALiF NMSeAKlAZsAbii.AAbSAKANifiCeiKIAdKCeeCNOSNOAZsAbeCmKYA
fGQ YKN KIK I. …

Happy to help!

emmelemm August 30, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Gibberish in, gibberish out.

mumbly_joe August 30, 2011 at 7:18 pm

So, an excerpt of Xtine's book, in other words?

SheriffRoscoe August 30, 2011 at 6:24 pm

I gotta get me one of those translator thingies.

Lascauxcaveman August 30, 2011 at 7:23 pm

I asked my Filipino friends if I could join them at the Filipino Culture Night at the community center but they wouldn't let me tag alog.

flamingpdog August 30, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Been saving that one up for just the right moment?

V572 T-Blow August 30, 2011 at 7:30 pm

Haw! Haw!

Doktor Zoom August 30, 2011 at 8:55 pm

With knowledge like that, you'd never Luzon "Jeopardy."

flamingpdog August 30, 2011 at 5:19 pm

CrankTango does foreign language translation. Where are you when we need you, dude?

Maman August 30, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Quick! Does anyone speak Idiot?

Dr_Zoidberg August 30, 2011 at 6:13 pm

I used to, and then I left the Republican party.

flamingpdog August 30, 2011 at 7:25 pm

"Excuse me stewardess, but I speak Idiot."

Maman August 30, 2011 at 7:29 pm

OMFG that was exactly what I was thinking of….

Bonzos_Bed_Time August 31, 2011 at 12:29 am

Hmmm, how does she like her coffee?

Pragmatist2 August 30, 2011 at 5:35 pm

It is Witches Code and it is about masturbation.

sunmusing August 31, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Maybe if'n she twiddled a little twixt her legs…………… we get a little less of an unseemly discharge.

Schmannnity August 30, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Butt twitter

mavenmaven August 30, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Its an ancient spell used to attract media attention, and look! It worked!

Dudleydidwrong August 30, 2011 at 5:37 pm

After a really careful look I think that she tweeted her pharmacy that she was out of KY lube. The last line clearly reads:

"KY is empty and the friction is too hot. Please send new supply immediately."

MinAgain August 30, 2011 at 5:51 pm

I believe that's actually Klingon, but her accent is terrible.

ArmoredLibunatic August 30, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Has she gone grimdark?

mumbly_joe August 30, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Upfisted for Homestuck. Being on a month-long hiatus, Wonkete is down to my only internet addiction at the moment. There's a couple of fans other floating around here, too (NEEEEERDS!!!)

SheriffRoscoe August 30, 2011 at 5:56 pm

The link doesn't seem to work anymore. And I'm damned to hell for having tried it.

Steverino247 August 30, 2011 at 5:58 pm

I am the Walrus!

DahBoner August 30, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Is that a Twitter in your pocket or is all of your communication equally incomprehensible???

BarackMyWorld August 30, 2011 at 6:21 pm

Twitter followers are just rude for expecting actual words in her posts. That's not what she agreed to tweet about.

johnnyzhivago August 30, 2011 at 6:28 pm

OT – but the Zhivago Bunker/Compound just returned to "the Grid" – after 3 days without power here in Western Uflarkistan (I mean New Jersey). Three days of kids (off from school) screaming for cable TV and Internet access (their smartphones not enough to provide entertainment). Your faithful commenter faithfully manned the generator, just like they did in Baghdad. We saved lots on our electric bill this month – offset by $20 a day in gasoline to power the generator.

Mrs. Zhivago on a business trip, youngest off to reeducation at a neighbors house (that has power), the oldest and I shall be sitting down to one more meal of hot dogs and hobo beans, as we rehearse for the future post apocalypic world that is coming soon!!!!

Dignity Indeed!!!!

MissTaken August 30, 2011 at 6:36 pm

First, who the fuck are these 100+ people who retweeted this?

Second, I like the … at the end. It really sums up the tweet nicely.

mumbly_joe August 30, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Wait, I've seen this movie before. If you get this tweet, then in seven days Christine O'Donnell's pudenda comes out of the computer screen and you die, unless you retweet it to someone else, first. It adds that extra touch of personal horror to the story, you see.

MissTaken August 30, 2011 at 7:33 pm

I fisted your pudenda

mumbly_joe August 30, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Kinky.

James Michael Curley August 30, 2011 at 8:51 pm

This is what is great about Wonkette. At my advanced age, only here do I learn new legitimate words for female parts. And I have owned several females over the years but their pudenda never needed changing.

Bonzos_Bed_Time August 31, 2011 at 12:31 am

Really, owned? I just rent mine.

sunmusing August 31, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Maybe Christine could use a little fisting of her pudenda. It could shut her up……….or not.

KeepFnThatChicken August 30, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Would you like a cup of glossolalia to accompany your eschatology and wash down that soteriology?

Crank_Tango August 30, 2011 at 6:56 pm

I'd still hit that.

Bonzos_Bed_Time August 31, 2011 at 12:32 am

With a broom?

Negropolis August 31, 2011 at 3:32 am

With what?

Tundra Grifter August 30, 2011 at 6:57 pm

I don't think The Lord of the Rings was supposed to be taken seriously.

DashboardBuddha August 30, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Wow…just wow. Too bad I'm out of Pud of Newt or I'd give that demonic recipe a spin.

Guppy06 August 30, 2011 at 7:10 pm

She came.

Serolf_Divad August 30, 2011 at 7:40 pm

According to my secret decoder ring it says: "Actually, guys, I am a witch."

raygotaway August 30, 2011 at 7:48 pm

Is she the key master?

BlueStateLibel August 30, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Hard-drive failure?

Come here a minute August 30, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Oh thanks, Wonkett, now we're all cursed.

Nothingisamiss August 30, 2011 at 8:41 pm

We are out of muffins.

Beowoof August 30, 2011 at 8:45 pm

I see she has been watching the current season of True Blood and she thinks its a documentary.

poncho_pilot August 30, 2011 at 9:20 pm

do it.

SwanSwanH August 30, 2011 at 9:23 pm

What else floats in water?

littlebigdaddy August 31, 2011 at 4:39 pm

very small stones

DerrickWildcat August 30, 2011 at 11:35 pm

She might be in trouble!

comrad_darkness August 30, 2011 at 11:51 pm

It's Parseltongue!

mush2 August 30, 2011 at 11:56 pm

Coven!

ShaveTheWhales August 31, 2011 at 12:53 am

I believe this require a one-time Maxi-pad for decoding.

MiniMencken August 31, 2011 at 2:29 am

!lleH ni skcoc skcus rehtom ruoY.

Negropolis August 31, 2011 at 3:21 am

It's a spell! We've been bewitched! Quick, what's the counterspell?

I know that Delawarean's have an accent, but this is straight up, authentic Delmarvan Gibberish.

gurukalehuru August 31, 2011 at 4:00 am

That first character is obviously a butthole.

BaldarTFlagass August 31, 2011 at 10:57 am

A cleft butthole, to be precise.

randcoolcatdaddy August 31, 2011 at 8:59 am

She was just capturing the collective gurgle of the American voter as the implications of the available candidates for 2012 have sunk in….

Jeffer August 31, 2011 at 9:51 am

That's what happens when you try to type using only one hand.

Redhead August 31, 2011 at 9:59 am

"Speaking in tongues" is not a legitimate excuse for being an incomprehensible idiot.

user-of-owls August 31, 2011 at 11:17 am

An accent aigu here, a tilde there…no harm done. But you start throwing down with the umlauts, baby, and someone gonna bleed bad.

Sharkey August 31, 2011 at 11:46 am

Oh no, somebody has put her in the Animus! She's becoming an Assassin Witch!

SilverTsunami August 31, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Christine, I've told you, never do this incantation during a new moon. When will you learn?

danny6114 August 31, 2011 at 9:45 pm

O'Dumbbell is using an ancient curse on Palin for getting her booted from the Iowa shindig, or, she's praying to the witch gods for better book sales.

Barrelhse September 1, 2011 at 12:58 am

I digitized it and played it back as audio. It's a fart.
(a dripper, btw).

ttommyunger September 1, 2011 at 7:09 am

Not to admit their ignorance, flummoxed Teabaggers retweeted en mass.

James Michael Curley August 31, 2011 at 5:38 am

I tried leasing but it was high maintenance, the finance fees were outrageous and they really soak you if you return them with high mileage.

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